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Wild storms broke in his mind.
Buildings and shifting stones all rose up to gnaw upon the sky, all rust and metal drowning in an ocean of arching windows and pin-prick towers. Around, the land was scoured with lofty cliffs, jaded with thick brown rock and void of life barring the weeds that dared push through the cracked earth.
This was his hive. Yet not the hive he had ever really known.
Loneliness stripped him of his breath, but at this time, for now, he felt a great calm. He had awoken to a hazy dream, a dream after death. He could not quite explain it, and a thousand times he had questioned it in his mind – and yet in time when no answer came he let it fall away. So instead had begun to occupy his hands, drenched in the sweat of the dying day and building the faces of trolls he had never known, and when frustration came to him, when confusion warped his mind – he would destroy them all one by one.
For days he felt he lived in this confusion, vexed by the fact everything seemed to exist in this nothingness, and yet he could not seem to leave his hive – or perhaps he simply did not want to. That too, irritated him. He was chained down, reined in even in death to stay put and wait. And wait. And wait.
He didn’t know what he was waiting for.
He didn’t know, until he saw a smile slice into his consciousness.
She had appeared rather abruptly, just sitting on the table beside him where had been working with a soft and serene smile. He had no idea how long she had been sitting there, watching him work – it could have been moments, hours, weeks – she had all the time in the world, after all.
When he saw her for the first time, when he saw that cherry red smile beaming down at him – he had never felt so alive. It was a strange kind of euphoria, one he didn’t quite predict, one he had perhaps been hoping for since he had opened his eyes and remembered the dream Nepeta had spoken of that had contained her with blood dyed wings, and yet he did not think she would actually come, that she would actually be sitting here.
Yet what truly stole her breath away was when she spoke.
“Hello Equius!”
Her voice was one he had not heard in so long, a voice he had heard only snippets of when he had watched her from afar. It was the voice of old, long been mutilated by the hollowness of death and then pounded in with a metallic tinge, but now so fresh and renewed.
Just like she was.
“How are you finding death?”
She’s smiling. He has never seen her smile. Not like this, certainly not just for him. Yet here she is, robed in such finery – he had never seen the colour red so beautifully portrayed, so used was he only seeing it drenched in rags. Yet even when he had thought about her, fantasied over her in the long nights he could never have imagined her looking like this, never as beautiful as this. She had truly become the goddess he had once worshiped – this peasant girl turned phoenix girl, rising up now with an infectious flame. Those wings of hers proved only to him how far her ascent had gone, and yet the thing that touched him most, the thing that melted his heart and filled it with hope was that gorgeous smile.
He realized he hadn’t spoken when she was asking him to speak, his throat cut dry as though that wire was slicing into it again. Somehow, he found it hard to speak when an ecstacy was cupping his throat. She was alive! She was truly alive!
“Aradia…” he began, fumbling over her question, “I uh, I’m fine.” He paused, finally spilling out the words he had held back, “I… I have to apologise.”
She looked at him, perplexed, “What for, exactly?”
He stumbled but found himself, “Nepeta told me she had a dream where she saw you, you uh, you said you would see me soon. I didn’t believe it at the time, I thought it was just childish poppycock she was using to help me feel less blue.”
She seemed to smirk a little, “I didn’t really think you would have accepted it! I was hoping that from Nepeta you would trust it more than if I came to you. Besides, you hardly ever sleep. I don’t think you ever did in the hours after I exploded!” Before he could answer, she raised her hands, “It is ok! I’m here now, like I said I would be.”
Pausing, he tried to take this all in. It wasn’t exactly complex, and yet he could hardly decide what was real now and what was not. He turned towards her, eyes fixated on her. She had never been so captivating. “Yes, I guess you are.” He’s not really thinking, he didn’t really have time to pick over every word and articulate himself like a fine gentleman. But old ways soon returned to him, and breaking from the awe he immediately began to damn her, “It’s only a shame that you are now draped in that horrid colour. Blue was a much more suiting match. “
She laughed, laughed of all things. “You really haven’t changed a bit, have you? I can’t believe you’re still pretending to believe in the caste system.”
He riled, “I’m not pretending.”
Waving him off, she merely stated, “Yes you are, but now is not the time to dwell on the matter. You are really going to have to drop that attitude soon! After all, you are going to be with myself and Tavros and Sollux for a very long time.”
Cocking his head, he said, “What exactly do you mean?”
“Death is not a barrier any more, Equius! I am the link between the living and the dead, and in time your role will become absolutely critical!”
“Aradia, that is as vague as before.”
“I can’t give everything away! The humans have scratched their session, and the living trolls and kids are currently on their way there right now. I envy them a little, but their adventure is going to take almost one and a half sweeps, which will give us time to prepare. As I said, the dead will play a pivotal role in all of this, it is all rather exciting, really.” She looked to him, beaming as though this was the simplest thing to take in.
He found it hard to grasp - harder still to find an adequate response, so she talked for him.
“It’s almost like the the blue and red teams again!” she smiled, “Since it really doesn’t mean anything, you could be the leader, and I could of course be the secret leader, since I can actually serve and connect the dead, along with all my other powers.”
He could tell she was trying to please him, and he appreciates that more than she would ever really know, “Aradia I… I really wasn’t expecting any of this. However I, I uh guess this is a suitable arrangement. Quite an excellent one, really.”
Blinking, she said, “You will get used to it!”
Yet from all of this haze, he was really not considering what he was saying. His focus had been stolen away by her, wrapped instead now around her body that dripped with that fantastically depraved colour. She can sense the movement in his thoughts, he was sure, and he counters them with words laced with a kind of hurt, “Aradia?”
“Yes, Equius?”
“Why did you never say goodbye?” he looked at her, brain filled with thoughts of her embracing that damned mustardblood, thoughts of his weeping yellow tears, of her body smashed and burning on the floor.
“Oh, Equius,” she said while she laughed, leaning down to pull him into an embrace as awkward as their relationship had always been. He barely moves, but listens to the words she spills into his ears, “I had no need to say goodbye. Death is no barrier, indeed, it has become fascinating to me. I suppose you could call me a death fangirl,” he can hear her laugh again, purer than snow. “This was never going to be the end, to say goodbye would imply that.”
There was a pause, but she added slowly, “You can touch me, you know.”
His arms are shaky in their rise, almost as shaky as his words, “I uh, guess that is true for you.” He finds himself with his hands laid chastely on his back, his head upon her shoulder.
“I was cruel to you, in some ways. I was cruel to everyone, and I’m sorry for that. You did wrong me, Equius…” she whispered. “But I don’t hate you as much as I did any more. I don’t really hate anyone, anymore, really!”
He can barely move, much less respond. “Aradia…” he finally found himself saying, lost in the curls of her name.
“I’m going to have to ask you to break your strong exterior in order to have you answer me honestly, Equius!” She smirked a little, finishing, “Has death changed your view of me?”
She’s testing him, and though he can feel it, no stutter rose from his throat as he found himself an answer, “No. Well, yes. You are much happier, like you used to be.”
Lacing her hands through his hair, she adds, “I feel more alive than I ever used have.”
Silence drew itself between them, but all the words she ever needed to say were whispered between the motions of her fingers in his hair. When, finally, she opened with a command, “Equius. Remove your sunglasses.”
He stuttered, protested, fought against it – but complied in the end all the same, indeed, almost immediately. She stared at him for what seemed like centuries, and when she spoke her smile and her golden eyes seemed only to soften, “Your cold, dead eyes make you so much more attractive. They would probably creep anyone else out, but I really don’t care.”
He loses himself in stuttering words, “I uh, don’t really know what to feel about tha-“
His mouth was taken by hers, his surprise tailing into a soft moan as his entire body suddenly felt alight. There’s the same passion in her as he had found when her robot body had been so pressed against him, but it was so mellowed by the softness of her lips and the tenderness in the tongue that willing caresses against his own. Her eyes never seem to shut, half closed instead and staring into the milky pools that had become his own – but he really didn’t care, too consumed was he with this intense feeling of absolute, total adoration. Whatever his feelings were, obsession or worthless lust or what, the sweeping arousal and happiness that drenched through him made him feel absolutely intense.
It was not so much the kiss itself, but the fact it had come from her, and the surprise, and the motion of her living, yes her living hands sweeping through his hair. The goddess has settled for a mortal, and more than anything he felt blessed. She was a peasant who had invaded his mind, melted his beliefs and reinforced them to be something completely different. She had stolen the world with her lips, stolen his heart with a single blink of her perfect eyes, and flung his entire life into confusion. Her hips could destroy empires with a single swivel. She had threatened his kingdom, and yet he would burn it all down just to bathe her feet in the ashes. Melodramatic slam poetry was conjured in his bones as he moved to deepen the kiss, eyes finally closing in the pleasure that he could finally, finally indulge in. She herself had never felt so perplexed.
There where two events in her life she had never predicted. One was that accident, the other was the feelings she had somehow developed for this troll.
When she finally pulled away, the tinge of red mocking her cheeks as she focusses on him, he finds something sentimental to say, something he thinks of because of her.
“You will take care of Nepeta, won’t you? “
There was a change to her face – a very slight one, just the drop of her eyes to the floor for a moment and the curve of her lip faltering. When she speaks again, she’s grinning, “I have a surprise for you Equius. Nepeta will be coming with us.”
He stopped.
Everything stopped.
“What do you mean?”
Please.
God, no, please.
“She’s dead!”
No this isn’t happening.
“How? I barricaded her room, she should have been safe.”
How could this be happening?
“She followed after you.”
Idiot.
“She saw you die.”
He had told her to stay where she was. Why hadn’t she listened, why hadn’t she listened?
“She tried to avenge you.”
Nepeta, no, he wasn’t worth it. He wasn’t worth her life.
“It was kind of cute, really!”
The world slipped into a painful void.
Around him, his castle slipped into black, consumed by the crushing defeat that roared in his mind and the pain that dripped through his soul. He removed himself from her. She’s nothing like before.
“It’s all going to be ok now, though! Besides, isn’t this better than waiting one and a half sweeps? She’ll be happy to see you, I’m certain of it – death really isn’t as bad as everyone makes it out to be!”
His lip twitched, his heart ached. He weeped internally but spits pure hot rage, “Just, just shut up Aradia.”
She goes cold, and yet that damned smile still doesn’t leave her face. “Equius, calm down! Think rationally!”
“Leave me alone.”
She’s still smiling, still trying to make him feel better, “You will be able to see her soon!”
The void is crushing him now, blacker than black.
She rose to her feet. He barely heard her words, “I will come back in a while, after you see her again.”
She tastes like ash in his mouth.
When she leaves, he didn't even register it.
Void was his kingdom, and so was it his name.