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It was a Tuesday evening when it finally happened. Katsuki rounded the corner to the lockers with his gym bag and spotted Uraraka standing in front of his. He frowned. Her locker was at the other end. Then he saw what she was holding in her hand: an inconspicuous white envelope.
He walked back around the corner and leaned up against the wall, feeling like his heart was falling to pieces inside his chest. So she was confessing to Deku finally. He shoved his hands in his pockets. He was almost surprised that it was eating at him so much. He had been expecting it. But now he was confronted with the reality of the fact that he would have to see Deku and Uraraka together every day. Somehow this was different from the knowledge that it would happen some day in the nebulous future.
He waited around the corner until he heard her footsteps echoing down the corridor and then counted three beats before continuing on his way. He stood for a moment in front of Deku’s locker, next to his, and then pushed it out of his mind. Nothing was changing really, not in the way that actually mattered. He turned the lock on his and opened it up, about to shove his gym bag inside when he noticed a white envelope resting against his textbooks.
He picked it up in disbelief. She’d put the letter in the wrong damn locker.
Katsuki looked from the letter in his hand to Deku’s locker and back again. What he knew he should do is post the letter into the right locker but his pride wouldn’t let him. What he wanted to do was blow the letter up and never think of it again but the idea of putting Uraraka through the pain of waiting for an answer from Deku that would never come was also too much for him to bear. He did the only thing he could do, which was to put the letter in his pocket and stalk back to his dorm room, his palms sweating and his thoughts racing.
None of his friends were in the common room as he passed through, which he was grateful for. If Kirishima had been there he would have known immediately that something was wrong and Katsuki just wanted to stew in his thoughts; he didn’t want friendly advice or understanding.
When he got to his room he sat down at his desk and looked at the letter. If he wasn’t going to put the letter in Deku’s locker and he wasn’t going to destroy it then there was only one option: to return it to Uraraka. But if he returned it unopened she would question how he knew it was from her and he didn’t want to admit that he had seen her and give her reason to wonder why he had hung back.
He pushed out a frustrated sigh at himself. Maybe it wasn’t his pride or his concern for Uraraka’s feelings, maybe he really was just the kind of sick fuck who wanted to read a confession from the girl of his dreams to someone else. Maybe he still just wanted to exert some measure of control over Deku by knowing how Uraraka felt before he did. The letter trembled in his hand. This felt like one of the lowest things he had ever done. He opened it.
Hi. It’s Uraraka.
I know this might seem like it’s coming out of the blue but... I wanted to tell you this.
I have always admired your strength and determination but the truth is I’ve started to realise I like you in a different way. You inspire me to be a better version of myself. I feel stronger when I’m around you. I want to spend more time with you.
Will you meet me on the roof Friday after class?
He threw the letter down on the table, feeling cold and a little sick all of a sudden. She hadn’t addressed it to Deku, which made it easier for his brain to conjure an alternate reality where she intended it for him instead. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. Friday was three days away. If he gave it to her tomorrow she would have time to give it to Deku. He could stay away from the shared areas in the dorm over the weekend and avoid having to see them together until class the next week.
Pathetic, he thought, folding the letter back up and slipping it into its envelope.
It was only seven o’clock but he lay down on his bed and stared at the ceiling. Deku deserved this and so did Katsuki. Maybe it was some sort of karmic punishment for his behaviour all those years ago or maybe it was a test and he would know he had really changed when he finally made his peace with it. He felt tears spring to his eyes and closed them, pressing his arm across his face. He knew he wouldn’t ever make peace with it, he would always resent Deku, he couldn’t help it. It was just his nature.
He thought about what it would be like to see them together. Even after graduation he would still hear about them from classmates and on the news. The next ten years passed by in his head, culminating in Deku and Uraraka’s wedding as Katsuki sulked in the corner. It felt like an unbearable punishment and one that he had wholly earned.
This is so fucked up.
There had been times in the past when Katsuki had asked himself if he wanted Uraraka just because she was something Deku seemed to have, if subliminally he just wanted to take something away from Deku. But it didn’t matter because either way he wanted her and couldn’t have her. He wondered how Deku would feel if he knew he had something Katsuki desperately wanted. Bad, probably. He hated him for that.
Once a jerk, always a jerk.
Katsuki found himself wanting to turn and look at Uraraka more than usual in class the next day. The letter sat inside his notebook, so close to its intended recipient, who was scribbling away at the desk in front of him. He wondered if Uraraka was anxious about Deku’s lack of response, he wondered if Uraraka was looking at Deku as much as he wanted to look at her.
As they stood to filter out of the classroom for lunch he looked over and caught her eye and she tilted her head with a strange, wide-eyed expression before looking away and linking arms with Frog Face. His stomach flipped over.
The rest of the day passed without incident, although Katsuki found himself wiping his hands on his trousers more often. At the end of the day he felt his heart hammering in his chest as he tried to appear casual, approaching Uraraka in the hallway.
“Oi, Round Face,” he called and she looked over her shoulder at him.
She waved off her friends — including Deku, who Katsuki pointedly avoided looking at — with an “I’ll catch you later!” as he came to a halt in front of her.
Before she could ask him what he wanted he thrust the letter at her. “You put this in the wrong fucking locker,” he said. “Deku’s is the next one over.”
She took the letter slowly and stared up at him. “Eh? You —”
“Get it right next time,” he said, brushing past her, “I’m not your mailman.”
He thought she said something as he walked off but he couldn’t hear it. His heart was pounding and the blood was rushing in his ears and all he wanted was to get back to the dorms before anyone saw how heartsick he was.
Katsuki threw his bag down and sat down on the bed, head in his hands.
He did it. He did the right thing, or the closest thing to it that he could manage, and it felt like shit. He swallowed. The memory of her big, brown eyes looking up at him like they had that day after the final exams swayed in front of him. He wondered what she had seen in him as he handed over the letter. Had she seen how he was really feeling? Did she know?
Someone knocked at the door and he looked up.
“Um,” came a voice from the other side and his heart stopped. “It’s me.”
“Whatever this is I’m not in the mood,” he said. “Go away.”
There was a shuffling outside the door and then she pushed something underneath it. Bakugou got up and walked over. It was the letter.
He picked it up and then opened the door to reveal a flushed Uraraka on the other side. “The fuck is this?” he demanded, waving the letter.
“Can I come in?” she asked, rubbing her arm and looking down the corridor. “This is embarrassing.”
He pulled her into the room, slamming the door behind her, which earned a few bangs on the wall from Kirishima’s room.
“Well?” he demanded as she looked around a little, taking in her surroundings.
“The letter,” she said, pressing a couple of her fingertips together. “I didn’t put it in the wrong locker. I meant to put it in your locker.”
Katsuki felt like his brain was short-circuiting. “Hah? Are you trying to fuck with me?”
She shook her head. “No, Bakugou-kun ... I like you.”
“You like Deku,” he argued and she frowned at him.
“I think I know who I like,” she said, snatching the letter from his hand, “and you don’t have to be such a jerk about it. You could just say you don’t like me back, I’m not so fragile I need you to lie to me about it.”
“I do like you back, you idiot!” Katsuki shouted back. He felt like time stuttered for a moment as he processed what he had just said and the way Uraraka’s eyes widened. He looked away. “Fuck.”
From the corner of his eye he could see that Uraraka was turning the letter over in her hands. “You really didn’t think this was for you,” she said softly.
“Why would I?” he asked. “Last I heard you had the hots for Deku.”
“I did like Deku in first year,” she said, “but it’s not like that between us now. And I realised the way I feel about you is ... different.” She paused. “You really like me?”
“Since first year,” he admitted, meeting her hopeful gaze.
She gave him a shy smile. “Then, Bakugou-kun,” she said, presenting the letter to him again. “Will you accept my confession?”
He could feel his cheeks burning as he swallowed and then nodded, taking the letter. None of this made any sense to him. He felt like he was completely unmoored, drifting up through the atmosphere, and strangely like the look on her face was the only thing keeping him grounded. Before he could overthink it he leant forward and pressed a gentle, experimental kiss to her cheek. He heard her soft intake of breath, and then she turned her head and pressed her lips to his.
Maybe he did deserve this, if she thought so.