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Hee Jun held the face of his lover, studying his features to commit every detail to memory. Soon he would be apart from him, having come to the end of his military service, and they could never see each other again. He would never again be about to touch this man that he had become so in love with over the past two years.
Theirs was a forbidden love, one maybe no one would accept. Society would never allow them to be together and it never would. No matter what the future held, they would never be able to be free to love one another.
“Will you miss me?” Hee Jun asked suddenly, feeling his heart breaking at the thought of his feelings not being reciprocated.
“How can I not?” Kim Jong Il asked. “I’ve never loved anyone as much as I love you.” He stroked a thumb against the back of Hee Jun’s head, feeling the stubble that was left of his hair. “I wish we hadn’t met like this. I would give anything to be with you, but there is no way.”
Hee Jun nodded, unable to speak. Jong Il gathered him into his arms, understanding the grief he was feeling. They held each other for a long moment but both felt the desperate need to not let it end.
“I’ll never love anyone as much as I love you either.” Hee Jun admitted.
“Don’t say that.” Jong Il said, pulling Hee Jun back enough to look him in the eye. “You’ll find someone else. You’ll be happy. You have to be. Please don’t let me think of you lonely and sad. I couldn’t bare that.” His voice caught in his throat and despite his need to appear strong, he began to cry.
“I can’t be happy without you.” Hee Jun said, on the brink of tears himself. “I can’t ever be happy again.”
Hee Jun buried his head into Jong Il’s neck and cried, allowing himself that vulnerability he had shown no one else. He felt his whole world being torn away suddenly. How could he re-enter his life now? He couldn’t. Not after all that he and Jong Il had been though.
“Kang Ta is entering the military after you leave, right?” Jong Il asked suddenly.
“Ya, why?”
“Cause’ that guy is stacked.”