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“This new town shall be mine!”
“I don't think so! I would be a far better patron to this new city!”
“You shouldn't try to claim any city at all and leave that work to real men!”
“Hah! I'm more man than you will ever be!”
Athena and Poseidon were fighting over a newly founded city, that had captured the interest of both: it was already a centre of peace and culture and promised to become something great. Getting the city would also mean getting the land around it, Attica.
Athena was getting increasingly frustrated, that her uncle was so hell-bent on what was meant to be hers! She wanted this city and she would have it! She would be the patron goddess of this city, they would name it after her. People would worship her, she would teach them her ideas and crafts and protect them to the best of her possibilities! She deserved to be in charge of this land! The Moirai knew, she worked hard for the benefit of mankind and this gem of a place was meant to be hers! And that arsehole Poseidon, who didn't give a fuck about mortals and had had no qualms drowning almost the entirety of mankind aeons ago, wanted to take it away from her?! Pah!
“You're a crap protector!”, she reproached him. “The only times you ever fight is when someone is trying to overthrow the gods, but you never do it for humans! You have never genuinely cared about humanity in your entire life and suddenly you want to be the patron of a new city?!”
“That's coming from you? Please, you're just a virgin with a spear, who spends her days sparring with that dumbass Ares, doing pottery or weaving tapestries!”, Poseidon scoffed.
“And Zeus still likes me better!”, she taunted.
He snarled angrily and pulled out his trident. “Oh, that's it! I'm sick of this! Let's duke it out! Prepare to lose, bitch!”
Athena smirked: “Uncle, I could whoop your arse in single combat any day!”
And then they engaged in an epic death battle, until Zeus interfered from above and drew them apart with a thunderbolt.
“ENOUGH!!!”, the King of the Gods hollered, as he descended from the clouds. “I will not pick between my brother and my daughter! Iris, summon the other Olympians! Athena and Poseidon will each present a gift to the city and the divine council will decide which one is more useful. The one with the best gift will win and become the patron god of this new city.”
The two contestants glared at each other, but yielded to Zeus' decree and nodded in agreement.
An hour later, the rest of the Dodekatheoi had joined them and were sitting in anticipation of what Athena and Poseidon had to offer.
Only Ares was shifting in his place.
“This better be important!”, he snapped. “There is a kick-arse war going on in Thrace and I have to be there!”
Athena glared at him (this here was far more important than some skirmish going on in Thrace!) and he stuck his tongue at her – oh yeah, really mature.
She turned to her uncle: “You go first.”
“That's right!”, Poseidon nodded and turned to the other Olympians. “I am the Lord of the Sea. This land is rightfully mine. With me as their patron god, this city will gain untold wealth and power through sea trade. This salt well shall be symbolic of this promised wealth.”
With that he struck a rock with his trident and water began to spring from it.
The other gods applauded at this display, except for Athena.
“My turn”, she declared and stepped forward.
“Yes, niece! Go and see, if you can top this!”, Poseidon sneered.
Athena ignored it and addressed her fellow gods: “If anyone should be patron of this city, it's me. I have taught mankind many things to enrich their lives. I deserve to be the goddess of this city. I am strong and wise and this land is rightfully mine. And for the people of this city, I have a very special gift!”
She drove her spear into the ground. Slowly it transformed into something much bigger, until it had finally completely turned into a fully grown tree.
Poseidon shook with laughter: “That's it? That's your special gift? A tree? And an ugly one at that! And what's with those berries?”
Athena shook her head and smiled: “Those are not berries. They're olives. And this is an olive tree. And it's useful in many, many ways. Its wood can be used for all kinds of furniture and other things. The olives taste delicious to almost any Mediterranean dish. And they produce an oil, which can be used for cooking, baking, oil lamps, crafting and so many other things. If I become the patron goddess of this polis, agriculture will make it so prosperous that it will be spoken of many eras in the future. This olive tree shall be the symbol of the success I promised.”
She too received her due applause.
Then nine of the other ten gods (Zeus remained neutral, as usual) stuck their heads together and discussed, what Athena and Poseidon were offering.
Eventually they drew apart and Hera spoke for them: “In the name of everyone safe Aphrodite, who abstained from voting, I declare, that Athena's gift has been deemed more useful to the mortals of this area.”
“WHAAAAAT??? WHY???”
Ares spoke to Poseidon: “Sorry, uncle, but while your salt water well is pretty swell – whoo, I rhymed! – but when the city gets besieged it won't do 'em much good, ya know.”
“And outside of that, what good will a salt water well do, when the people need to grow food in their everyday lives?”, Demeter spoke. “What good is being a sea power, if you can't even grow grain in your native land? Attica is pretty arid as it is. Athena's olive tree is versatile, the roots go deep into the ground and it doesn't need that much water. Her gift is far more practical.”
Zeus nodded in acknowledgement.
“That settles it then”, he said. “Athena wins the contest and the patronage over this city.”
Athena smiled triumphantly. “Better luck next time, uncle!”, she told him. “Maybe try it with a fresh water well and then you'll stand a chance.”
“Shut up!”, Poseidon growled. “I will just set the entire landscape of Attica underwater, then you won't be so smug anym-”
“You won't do anything of that sort!”, Zeus cut him off sharply.
And such is the story of how Athena became the new patron goddess of the new city and had the mortals name it after herself: Athens.