Chapter Text
Everything was fine…ish.
Sterling was alive, that was good, and she knew Blair was still Blair, even if the whole twin part of it was recently thrown into relief. Fortunately for all of them, their family secret had remained an actual secret. Time at the Wesley house was still tense, though. As it turned out, saying you forgive your parents and actually forgiving them are two totally different things.
For Sterling, that hurdle only applied to her adoptive parents. She had a deposition approaching in which she’d need to give testimony against her biological mother. Blair had been practicing with her lately, but the problem wasn’t remembering what had happened, it was just getting through the story without having an emotional breakdown. Which is why her tough-as-nails metal-head twin could be found spooning Sterling’s weepy form a few times a week after practice.
The Wesleys were trying, though, they were all trying. Trying to be delicate about the situation, trying to be kind to one another. Over the past two months Debbie had taken to embracing tiny holidays as a new medium of family bonding. In February before Valentine’s Day, she’d written love notes on little paper hearts and stuck a new one on everyone’s bedroom door every day for fourteen days. In the week leading up to St. Patrick’s Day, she hid little chocolate gold coins around each of the girls’ rooms.
On Valentine’s Day itself, Sterling found a yellow rose taped to her locker with a little tag. It was from Luke. He appeared behind her, as if on cue, and fumbled through what sounded like a pre-planned speech about how he really hoped they could be friends despite how confusing everything was. She tried really hard not to cry but couldn’t stop the burning behind her eyes. Crushing herself to his chest, Sterling agreed that yes, she’d never needed a friend like him more than she did right then. If she noticed April down the hall staring with a furrowed brow when she pulled back from the hug, she certainly didn’t mention it to anyone, or think about it a lot.
Sterling certainly never thought of April at all actually. Sitting behind her in Spanish class was completely normal. It’s not like she fixated so much on the twirling of the shiny ponytail in front of her, that she’d taken to dedicating her entire study hall period to catching up on what she’d missed. No. Decidedly not. She definitely didn’t have the perfect montage of their time together in the Volt ready to cue in her mind at a moment’s notice, should the angst of life require some kind of release in the privacy of her own bedroom. If such a preposterous thing were to happen every few days (and Sterling would never say that it did, even if Blair teased her about it constantly) she certainly did not spend her comedown feeling sad and picturing a smash cut of every tragically somber smile April had thrown her way since the lock-in. After all, April and Sterling, Sterling and April, it could never happen, not really. Not with how royally Sterling had effed up by putting a twin-swear before their relationship. Not with John Stevens capable of ruining everything with one simple bounty-hunting truth at a moment’s notice. No. Nothing was safe, nothing was sacred. Skips were caught, and Wesleys were single.
So, yeah, things were fine…ish.
It was April now, an unavoidable month that Sterling had been trying to futilely dodge solely so she wouldn’t have to see her ex-something’s name in the corner of every assignment. April Fool’s Day had a unique gut punch for that same reason, though Blair could never let the sadness stand. Sterling had initially hoped that her twin would try to be delicate about the month in question, but she’d felt lumps in her pillow that night and reached into the pillowcase to pull out a strap-on harness. It was missing a certain phallic something, but there was a note that read, “Good luck finding the better half of this!” (Sterling did find it, in her gym locker of all places and managed to smuggle it off of school grounds, blushing furiously, but otherwise undetected.)
Easter approached, and the week was almost over. Thursdays were truly the bane of Sterling’s existence, even if this one was technically Holy Thursday. The thrill of the week had worn off, it wasn’t Friday, and the lack of sleep had managed to catch up to her by then. But this Thursday really turned around, because when the bell rang at the end of Spanish, April swiveled in her seat to address her in a hushed tone.
“Do you think we could talk after school?”
Sterling was so jolted by April initiating contact that she just stared with her mouth agape and watched. In her silence, the neutral expression the brunette was sporting morphed into a scrunched brow, obviously wondering if Sterling had the mental faculties for conversation.
“Oh, uh, talk? Yeah, you and me, should,” she cleared her throat before finishing, “We should.”
“Good. Fellowship room, 3PM.”
_________________
If not for Willingham’s strict zero-tolerance policy regarding violence, April would deck someone in the face. Not just someone, Sterling fucking Wesley. Blair, she could forget. Never forgive, but certainly forget. Because it wasn’t Blair who had kissed her senseless after a school project. It wasn’t Blair who had inquired about her dad’s trial knowing full-well who had landed him behind bars. It wasn’t Blair who insisted that the world know all of April, when she herself couldn’t be bothered to be honest about her own afterschool activities.
April was under no illusion about her father’s character. He was, at best, the villain of many people’s stories. All the Star Wars marathons and cutesy nicknames in the world wouldn’t bring him any closer to being the good Christian man he pretended to be every day. At this point, she was surprised he didn’t immolate upon entry at their church, and this was coming from someone who was mildly afraid of that actually happening to her when she’d prayed for her first kiss with a girl at age twelve. John Stevens was, perhaps, an irredeemably bad person, she knew this. That said, he had been honest at least one (1) time, and that time was Holy Wednesday. Once the dust had settled from his return, and he’d finally believed the masterful façade of forgiveness that April had been sporting, he’d told her the whole truth so help him God.
April refused to be taken down like this. Not by the hand of someone as useless as Sterling Wesley. She couldn’t even speak the name without her lip curling into an involuntary snarl. To think, the nights she’d spent crying over this girl! A traitor of the worst sort! She’d given her mortal enemy the exact location of her Achilles’ heel, her deepest secret, and for what? Soft lips? She’d been played. She’d been had. But because she couldn’t take back every sad smile she’d let slip in these past few months, she was going to destroy Sterling instead.
It was too easy for April to get the blonde alone, really. She’d have thought after Sterling and Blair had practically become one word since the lock-in, ‘Sterling&Blair’ that it would be impossible, but not at all. Sterling just wore a stupid look on her face when she’d asked to talk after school, and April could swear the taller girl had tried to sniff her on her way out of Spanish class. Child’s play, really. Compartmentalization was key.
April had already kicked out all of the door stops for the French doors that led to the Fellowship room. When Sterling entered with a dreamy smile on her face and walked over to where April was standing by the piano, all she had to do was wait for the click of the inner door swinging shut before beginning.
“Sterling,” her voice was calm, even, prepared.
Sterling stood just out of reach; one arm hugged across her body, eyeing April intently through the loops of her bangs that hung outside of her braid. “April.” It was soft and hopeful, far too reminiscent of grazing pinkies and sidewalk debates.
“Remember when we met here after the lock-in meeting?”
Sterling nodded, her smile demure, “We were practically holding hands during that meeting.”
“Practically.”
“I’m really glad you asked to talk today, I’ve been thinking about-”
April cut her off, “You told me then that I was trapped in a lie. Do you remember that?”
“Yeah, but that was a mistake. I’ve been thinking since then, and I never should’ve-”
“You’re exactly right Sterling. You never should’ve. I cannot even fathom the audacity you have to accuse me of being trapped in a lie. Imagine the gall it takes to say that ‘lying is the worst,’ and then proceed to lie directly to my face for the entirety of our relationship.”
April watched with bitterness as all of the blood drained from Sterling’s face. She thought it would feel satisfying, but it felt hollow, acidic, like a stinging in her chest. She pushed the sensation aside, leaning forward to point a finger right in her ashen face, her tone cold and calculating.
“You, Sterling Wesley, are a fraud. You’re a liar, and a sinner, and a nefarious excuse for a Christian.”
Sterling didn’t step away from April’s attack. “April, your dad did horrible things,” her voice was tight and almost squeaky with emotion. “He assaulted a woman. He deserved to be brought to justice.”
April’s voice was rising in anger, her fists were clenched at her sides. She could feel her face getting flushed with fury. “You don’t get to do that! You don’t get to retroactively justify every careless and shitty thing you did! You destroyed my family! You preached about telling the truth and then turned around and lied about everything!”
“That was the only thing I ever-”
“No. Sterling, it’s been months… months! And you couldn’t even make it right. You couldn’t even try to be honest since then. I had to hear it from him!”
Sterling stepped back with teary eyes and ran a hand through her hair in frustration. “You don’t get it! I - I wanted to tell you, so badly. Blair and I swore that we wouldn’t say anything to anyone. It was just for the money, it’s our job.”
“Great, that’s great Sterling! I’m glad everything between us had a fucking price tag on it!” April took a breath, lowering her voice to something harsh and cutting, “I wish you’d never kissed me. I wish I’d never met you. You ruined my life.” April could see on Sterling’s face when the sentence hit her. Sterling recoiled as though she’d been struck with a physical force, the tears finally falling from her eyes.
Something shifted then, both in the set of Sterling’s posture and the expression on her face. She wiped away her tears with the sleeve of her blazer, before stepping into April’s space and glaring down at her. April hated it intensely, it made her feel small. She tried to hold an unaffected snarl despite this sensation.
“As if your life was ever that hard April! Get over yourself! Your precious daddy got off scot-free, truly a gift for women everywhere,” she rolled her eyes sarcastically.
Irate didn’t even begin to cover it. How dare Sterling ever presume to know a single thing about April’s life. “You think my life is easy!?”
“Of course it is! You’ve never heard the word ‘no’ like, ever! You use people for your own ends and don’t give a crap who gets hurt in the process!”
April gestured to herself frantically with raised eyebrows, “I use people!? Me!?”
“You led Luke on for weeks! Just to prove how straight you are! You’re downright cruel to Hannah B. and Ezequiel! I don’t think you’ve ever had any real friends! All you do is hurt people!"
That one really burned, and the tears leaked out of her eyes despite her best efforts. April would never win a screaming match. If Sterling thought that all she did was hurt people, she'd happily prove her right. “You don’t know a single thing about my life Sterling Wesley, and you wouldn’t last a day in my shoes. You’re nothing more than a waste of valuable space and oxygen!”
Sterling’s face looked pinched, like a big red angry balloon that was just about to pop. She let out a low grumbling sound before yelling, “Well you can go to hell!”
It was a verbal slap to the face, and April felt every inch of it.
“I’ll see you there!”
She was rooted to the spot, forced to watch as Sterling stormed away, but she didn’t make it very far before a loud gasp to the left sent them both reeling.
“Girls!” Ellen exclaimed with shock, standing in the now-open doorway of her office with her fanny-pack on, obviously ready to leave for the day. “I cannot believe what I’ve just heard!” She waved Sterling back towards the piano and walked over to stand between the feuding pair.
April crossed her arms, refusing to look in Sterling’s direction. It rankled her when her peripheral vision revealed that Sterling had opted for the same pose.
Ellen tsk-tsk’d the two of them, a hand coming to rest on one of each of their shoulders, “What happened to being a great team? I thought you two had finally gotten close again.”
Neither of them spoke for a loaded moment. April sighed, realizing that, once again, Sterling had left her to do all of the heavy lifting. “With all due respect Ellen, I don’t think Sterling is a positive influence in my life any longer.”
“The feeling is mutual,” Sterling added quietly.
Ellen squeezed the shoulders under her hands, “Girls, you know I love you both, but I heard some pretty unchristian sentiments in this room. It’s Holy Week! The week before Christ’s ascension! This is not the week to let your bond die.”
April squirmed at Ellen’s speech, wondering with discomfort exactly how much of their argument she’d really heard. This was edging on dangerous territory, and yet once again, neither girl spoke up.
Ellen let out an exasperated sigh, dropping her hands and digging in her fanny-pack for her keys. She began removing the Rubik’s Cube from her keychain with a tunneling focus, eventually placing it on the piano between them. “Holy Week is about rebirth girls! Until y’all solve the issues between you, you can’t continue your faith journeys in a way that reflects Jesus’s path on earth. Will y’all remember that for me?”
“Yes Ellen.”
“Yes.”
“Amen! You two are the best, I just know you’ll figure this out. Now, I’m taking a long weekend, so you both have just a wonderful Easter, and I will see y’all on Monday!”
Sterling practically ran out of the room after Ellen, leaving April in her wake, her ears left ringing like she'd just heard a bomb go off. She quietly picked up the Rubik's Cube and took it with her as she replayed the confrontation over again in her head. That night, after April had finished her homework and curled up in bed, she clutched the Rubik’s Cube to her chest and quietly let the feelings overtake her. She cried for what she could’ve had, and if she were in the habit of being honest with herself, she'd admit that she cried because some of what Sterling said to her in anger was devastatingly true.