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“Let’s break up.” The words that had been on the tip of her tongue for the whole week had finally left Erika’s mouth. She was sitting across from Benny at some new fancy restaurant in the city. They were in the middle of their dessert (or more like she was while Benny was gulping down the cheapest wine at the place) when Erika finally gathered enough courage to say it.
They had only been dating for two months but she just somehow figured out that it would not last. They were just not compatible with her wearing her heart on her sleeves while Benny didn’t even seem to have a heart to wear on his own. They were the classic friends to lovers kind of couple so she knew that he was not the type to be affectionate. He also casually just brought up the idea of being in a relationship with her which she readily agreed. Still, a part of her hoped that he could at least be a little romantic. Bringing her to a fancy restaurant after she practically begged for it for weeks obviously did not count.
“Ohh...” He paused for a while, putting down the empty glass of wine on the table. There was a moment of silence between them and only the sound of him pouring wine to his glass could be heard. “Did I do something?” His voice was nonchalant and she had to bite her lips to prevent herself from breaking down. She was breaking off their relationship and he didn’t seem to mind it one bit.
“You didn’t do anything. That’s why I’m breaking up with you.” At this, Benny raised an eyebrow but other than that, his expression remained calm. “I just realized that you’re not my type. I prefer more romantic guys so this thing between us won’t really work out.” She explained and Benny nodded at her in agreement.
“You got a point.” He took a sip on his wine. He was not the type to easily agree with people, even to her, so the fact that he was agreeing with her decision bothered her a lot. “Can we still be friends? Or will you find that awkward?” She pondered about it for a moment, staring at Benny whose gaze was fixed on his wine glass.
“Being friends sounds alright with me. It won’t be awkward at all.”
That was their first break up. Two weeks later, they got into a relationship again when a drunk Benny visited her apartment at night to give her a bouquet of flowers and tell her he really likes her. She really likes him too, a lot, so what choice did she have but to take him back?
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“We need to talk.” Benny spoke the words as nonchalantly as possible to hide any sign of emotions as he and Erika walked side by side. He picked her up from her work and they were on their way to the nearest diner where he parked his car. There was nervousness in her expression, which made Benny feel guilty.
“About what exactly?” She asked and Benny let the question hang in the air until they had reached his car. He pursed his lips, contemplating for a bit while he studied her facial expression. He had a feeling she already knew what he was going to say. “You can just say whatever you want to say.”
“All right,” He said but nothing was all right with him at the moment. “Can we… break up?” Erika stared at him with an unreadable expression. He had always been good at reading his opponent in chess so naturally, he was good at reading people. She was an exception though. Even when she had her heart on her sleeves, he still could not exactly figure her out.
“Are you breaking up with me?” She spoke softly and Benny had to take a long pause as if he was trying to reconsider it but no, he had already decided two days before that he was going to end it with her. He could not back out anymore.
“Yes, it’s not you, it’s me.” He explained before she got the chance to reply. “I’m just not ready for a relationship yet and I feel like we’re getting too serious, which I’m not really sure I’m prepared for.”
“Hmm...” She hummed before pressing her lips into a thin smile. Benny could not bring it to himself to smile back. He was breaking up with her but she was smiling at him. Maybe, she wanted it to end too? He asked himself but did not want to dwell in the thought any longer. “Right. You have to focus on yourself first.”
“I’m sorry. I know it’s selfish.” It really was because Benny knew that he was only ending things because he was scared that things would be too serious before he knew it. He had never really been in a serious relationship before but with her, he was accelerating into one at full speed. So, he had to hit the breaks before either of them would get hurt. In hindsight, she might not want a serious relationship either so she might have broken it up if he did not end it at that moment.
“No, no, I understand.” She shook her head and reached her hand out to caress his hair, an affectionate gesture that he liked but never dared to say so. “Can we still be friends?”
“Of course.”
That was their second break up. A week later, they were together again after they met at a party, drank their hearts out, and woke up next to each other on top of Benny’s bed. Erika, with her hangover and throbbing head, cried how much she likes him too much to let him go. He also likes her too much so, fuck it, even if he did not feel ready, he took her back.
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It had been three weeks since Erika last saw Benny. They would call every once in a while to check up on each other but her boyfriend had been too busy training for and competing in a chess competition to go on dates with her. She minded this a lot so during the three week span, she decided that she was going to break up with him the moment he’s done with his current competition. She figured that if the three week break without him would bother her a lot, she would definitely be more bothered if he were to go into longer training sessions for bigger competitions. Thus, she had to end it before she hurt herself.
“Let’s end this - us, I mean.” She said. Benny was drinking coffee while sitting on the couch in her living room. He had just won the mentioned competition and visited her the moment he got back to the state. There was a moment of silence as the chess champion took her words in.
“Can you at least tell me why?” His eyebrows were furrowed as he looked at her who was standing with arms crossed but his voice remained calm.
“Honestly?” She started, taking a deep breath. There were lots of reasons running in her head (like he was still not romantic, he was obviously not ready for relationships, she was afraid of getting hurt, among others) but there was one which stood out the most. “I feel like you should date your chess board instead. I know you like the game but I can’t really stand it. So, we’re just not compatible.”
Benny’s facial expression softened and he let out a soft sigh. “Well, that can’t be helped. I guess, let’s end this then.”
“Yeah...” She trailed off, watching as Benny gulped down his coffee in one shot. “We can still be friends, if it doesn’t bother you.”
“Of course. We make good friends even if we’re not romantically compatible or whatever you call it.” He showed her a smile and she smiled back at him, ignoring the feeling of her heart sinking.
That was their third break up. Three weeks later, they got back together again. She and Benny were casually hanging out at a cafe when he confessed that he could not stand only being friends with her. He likes her a lot and spending time with her was not helping him move on. So, she took him back because well, she likes him a lot too and she obviously had not moved on.
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“Let’s break up!” Erika said the words with mixed anger, jealousy, and pain. It was unlike their usual calm break ups, where both of them pretend that their hearts were not breaking and they act as if it did not bother them at all.
Benny had already lost count of their break ups. He had not bothered counting after the third one. They had been doing the whole on again and off again complicated relationship for three years. If he recalled correctly, it was their second break up of the year and it was only the second week of February.
“Seriously?” He snapped at her with a glare.
They were in his apartment and they just came back from a party that one of his chess friends held. They had been arguing all the way home because Erika was jealous of one of the models who happened to be there. Cleo, his friend, was a model and even if she hated her colleagues, she would still bring them to the parties. Benny was just being polite to one of the girls but Erika made a big deal out of it, saying that they were flirting.
“Seriously. Let’s break up.” Erika repeated with a deep frown on her face. Any other moment, he would want to wipe that frown away but he was equally as mad at her as she was at him. He was getting tired of everything between them. Breaking up then getting together every few weeks was not exactly his ideal relationship.
“Fine!” He raised his arms in surrender and rolled his eyes. “Get out and never come back!”
“I will!” She announced before leaving and slamming the door behind her. Benny only stared at the closed door, a deep frown on his face. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting himself calm down from the anger. He silently swore to himself that this would be their last break up. He did not want to play the game they were playing. Neither of them wanted it, after all.
Benny swore that it would be their last break up. He also told himself that he would not take her back. However, just two days later, she came back to his apartment, eyes filled with tears as she told him she loves him. He loves her too so what choice did he have but to wrap her in his arms and take her back?
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It had only been two and a half weeks since they got back together and Erika was already planning to break it off - for real, this time and she promised herself she would not take him back. She would not have the opportunity to anyway since she would be moving out of the state. She was informed a week before that she got a job opportunity in Los Angeles and it would boost up her career a notch. If they were in a normal serious relationship, she would ask him to move with her since nothing was really keeping him in New York. Unfortunately, their relationship had never been normal with the fact that they’ve broken up way too many times. She also wasn’t sure if it was serious since if it was, it would not have gotten that complicated or Benny would have ran away already.
Erika was sitting in the fancy restaurant where they dated during their first break up. She thought it was ironic that it would also be the place where they would break up for the last time but she could not bring herself to laugh at the irony. After all, she’s about to break her own heart, finally letting go of the person she loves. She loves him - she really does. So, even if it were to hurt, she told herself that she was doing it for him.
Benny arrived ten minutes later with a formal outfit, suit and all - which was strange since he never dressed up for their dates before. A wide smile was on his face as he approached the table but it quickly disappeared once he settled down and noticed her expression. He must have sensed that something was off.
“Let’s not bother ordering. We need to talk.” She spoke up when Benny only stared at her in silence. She tried to force a smile and appear as nonchalant as possible but failed to. Instead, she could feel tears forming in the corner of her eyes.
“What’s wrong?” Benny reached out to wipe a tear she didn’t know had fallen in her cheeks. His voice was comforting and he was looking at her with concern. She gulped down the remainder of her tears, not wanting to break down before she got the words out.
“Let’s break up.” Erika bit her bottom lip so hard that it hurt to prevent tears from coming out of her eyes. Benny stayed silent for a couple of moments, confused one moment and angry the next.
“What did I do this time?” He was obviously pissed and she could not blame him. They were actually doing great with the relationship thing and she did well in hiding the fact that she decided to move out of the state.
“It’s nothing you did. I’m moving to Los Angeles because of work.” Her voice was shaking as she spoke.
“So, the solution is break up with me instead of, I don’t know, ask me to move with you?” He almost raised his voice and she knew that he was trying really hard not to scream at her.
“Well, yeah,” She said, as if it was obvious. “Aren’t you tired of this? We get together then a few weeks later, we break up. Then, a few weeks later, we’re back together again. This whole relationship is a joke. I don’t want to drag you with me to another state then just end up breaking up with you after a couple of weeks.”
“I am! I’m really tired of this too, you know.” He ruffled his own hair in annoyance as he clicked his tongue. He glared down at her and it only took a second for Erika to finally break down. His expression softened as he reached his arms across the table and cupped her face, wiping her tears with his thumbs. “Please don’t cry. I love you.” He said in almost a whisper. “If you want to end this, then I won’t say anything more.”
“I...” She said in between sobs. “love you too.” It was obviously not the right words to say to someone you’re breaking up with but she couldn’t help but be honest when she was staring at the most sincere eyes she had seen.
“Do we have to go through this break up then?” She could not give him an answer. He withdrew his hands from her and Erika thought that he finally gave up. She took a deep breath and looked down at her hands, fiddling with her fingers. “I’ll give you two choices.” He finally said and she turned her gaze up to meet his gaze. He placed a ring in the middle of the table, his expression solemn. “Either break up with me now and end everything between us will be over forever or marry me and spend the rest of your life stuck with me.”
“You’re kidding” was what she managed to say after a long moment of staring at the ring. He was planning to propose while she was planning to break things off with them. The proposal seemed to be too good to be true.
“Why would I kid about it? That ring is too expensive to be a prop of some joke.” His lips curved into a lopsided smile.
“You’ve always been afraid when things are getting too serious. Now, you want to marry me?”
“Yes, and it’s a stupid fear that I’ll face because I love you and I want you to stay in my life. I know, I know, it’s not the most romantic way to propose. I was planning on putting it on the dessert but you decided not to order anything and instead, break up with me. I have no other choice.”
“Stupid.” She muttered and Benny raised an eyebrow. “I’m so stupid. You’re stupid.”
“Excuse me?” He chuckled but it was rather dry that it showed how nervous he was at the moment. “I’ll respect whatever your decision is but stop stalling and give me an answer.”
“I’ll marry you.” There was instantly a huge grin on Benny’s face the moment she said it and she could not help but roll her eyes. “And if you’re planning to divorce me just a few weeks after our wedding, I guarantee you that I won’t sign the papers.” She said with a cheeky smile, which Benny gladly returned.
“I won’t even think about it. You won’t get rid of me this time.”
A few months later, they got married in a small venue in Los Angeles. They never broke their relationship off again.