Chapter Text
Shelby knew the day was coming up, she knew with each passing day it grew closer and closer to Becca’s birthday, the day she was supposed to turn eighteen. When they were younger Shelby and Becca would plan out all of their birthdays together. When Shelby turned fifteen, Becca showed up to her house that morning blasting ‘Fifteen’ by Taylor Swift. When Becca had turned sixteen, Shelby was the first one she took out for a drive. When Becca turned seventeen, Shelby pulled up outside her house playing ‘Dancing Queen’ by ABBA through her car speakers. For Becca’s eighteenth, herself and Shelby had planned out a huge party and then a weekend beach trip.
But now instead of setting up a party and packing for a beach trip, Shelby was trying to survive while being stranded on a desert island in the middle of fucking nowhere. Not exactly the beach trip she had in mind.
Nora, who had been keeping track of the dates in her notebook, had informed Shelby that it was July 10th when she asked. July 10th, which meant it was two days until Becca’s eighteenth birthday. Shelby could feel herself getting lost in her own thoughts more and more often as the day approached. Rather than troubling the rest of the girls with her thoughts, she opted to go for long hikes and walks during the day or to sit by the waterfall, where the sound of the water would drown out her own thoughts.
On July 11th, Shelby was sitting on the washed up recliner from the plane while the rest of the girls were down at the waterfall, cleaning themselves up. She hadn’t noticed anyone had returned until Toni was standing right in front of her.
“You okay Shelbs? You’ve been kinda distant.” Toni moved forward and sat down on the recliner beside Shelby.
“Yeah, just been thinking.” Shelby sighed, dropping her head on Toni’s shoulder and taking her hand in her own.
“Wanna talk about it?” Toni questioned, concerned for the blonde.
“Not really, if that’s okay.” Shelby replied, closing her eyes and enjoying the comfort of having the girl beside her.
“Of course.” Toni said, wrapping her arm around the blonde’s shoulders.
Shelby had barely managed to sleep through the night and kept to herself as the rest of the girls were waking up on the morning of the 12th. She said a quiet prayer for Becca when she woke up and went off for a hike.
By the time she had returned to the beach, the sun had risen fully and some of the girls were lounging around on the sand. She joined them and listened in on the conversation.
“I mean if I was European, I would be out in the clubs getting as drunk as I could as soon as I turned eighteen, no question about it.” Fatin said, answering a question from Rachel that Shelby had missed. She could make an assumption as to what it had been though. Fatin turned to the blonde when she noticed she had returned.
“What about you Shelby? You got any big plans for when you turn eighteen?”
Shelby froze at the question, her mind immediately thinking of Becca.
“I um, no. Not really.” Before Shelby could stop herself, tears started flowing down her cheeks.
“Woah Shelby, you okay?” Fatin’s smile dropped at the sight of the crying.
Shelby couldn’t respond, there was a tight feeling growing in her chest as more tears started flowing. Her mind was overwhelmed with thoughts of Becca and the last time they talked to each other. She gasped for air, trying to calm herself, but it felt like the air was leaving her lungs faster than it was entering.
“Hey girl, breathe, just breathe.” Fatin moved in front of Shelby, trying to make eye contact with her while Rachel and Leah looked at the girl with concern.
“I can’t, I just, I can’t.” Shelby gasped out, digging her hands into the sand in front of her.
“What do you need? What helps?” Leah asked as she approached Shelby, seeing how she was falling towards a panic attack.
Shelby looked at her surroundings frantically when her eyes landed on Toni who was sitting by the shore, watching the waves.
“Toni.” She said quietly, breathing sharply.
“Um, Toni? Are you sure?” Leah questioned, not sure if she had the girl correctly. Shelby nodded her head rapidly and listened as Rachel called out for Toni. She sat there begging for her own tears to stop and for her breath to even out. After less than a minute, Toni was running up the beach and sitting down in front of Shelby.
“Shelbs? Hey, what’s happening? Talk to me.”
“Can’t.” Shelby gasped out, the pressure in her chest tightening even further. Toni moved forward and gently cupped Shelby’s face with her hands.
“Okay, just try to breathe with me. In and out, nice and slow.” Toni counted each inhale and exhale for Shelby, leaning in and pressing her forehead against the blonde’s. After a few minutes of stuttered breaths, Shelby felt the pressure in her chest easing slightly.
“You’re doing so good, so good Shelbs. I’m so proud of you.” Toni said softly, rubbing her thumbs across Shelby’s cheeks.
As Toni calmed Shelby down, Dot returned with firewood to see Toni and Shelby with their foreheads pressed against each other. She joined the rest of the girls who were gathered together, watching the situation play out in front of them.
“What the fuck is happening? I thought they hated each other.” She asked before receiving a light thump on the arm from Fatin.
“Shut up Dorothy, let’s see how this plays out.” Fatin whispered, returning her attention to the two girls on the sand.
Toni glanced behind her to see the rest of the girls watching herself and Shelby as if they were an exhibit at the zoo.
“Can we get some fucking privacy or is that impossible you with you fuckers?” Toni said angrily, knowing how much Shelby hated being vulnerable around others. The girls quickly disappeared further down the beach, none of them wanting to get on Toni’s bad side. Toni turned her attention back to the girl in front of her, who had finally gotten her breathing under control.
“There she is.” She smiled softly at Shelby when she noticed how she was no longer gasping for air and shaking in her arms. “What’s going on in that head of yours blondie?” Toni asked as she moved to sit down properly next to Shelby.
“I told you about Becca right? Well today was supposed to be her eighteenth birthday and Fatin and Rachel were talking about eighteenth birthdays and I guess I just, I couldn’t handle it.”
“Shit Shelbs, I’m so sorry.”
“I just miss her so much Toni.” Shelby cried, her tears starting again. She dropped her head to Toni’s shoulder and Toni took a hold of her hand. As Shelby cried, she explained the plans she had made with Becca for her eighteenth. Toni listened carefully, letting Shelby get all of her emotions she had been bottling up, out of her system. After a few minutes, Shelby wiped her eyes and sat up.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be so upset about something so simple.”
“Hey no, you do not have to apologise.” Toni began, “It’s okay to let yourself cry and to let yourself feel Shelbs. Hell, you’ve taught me a lot about that during our time here.” Toni turned so she was looking directly at Shelby. “You’re allowed to miss her Shelby, you don’t have to hide your pain. Not for me or any of the other girls here, you’re allowed to miss her Shelbs.” Shelby smiled softly at the brunette in front of her, in awe of how easily Toni could calm the fears and pain inside of her chest.
“I mean, I know I don’t know a whole lot about heaven or God or anything like that, and I know I never met Becca but, I bet she’s happy up there. Laying on her own tropical beach, drinking as many mocktails and cocktails a girl could want.” Toni said, looking up at the clouds. Shelby followed her gaze before speaking.
“I really hope so.”
Later that evening, the rest of the girls sat around the fire while they watched Toni and Shelby walking along the shore together as the sun set behind them. Toni was walking in the water and kicked some of it at Shelby to which she yelped in response, but quickly fell in step beside the brunette, taking her hand and lacing their fingers together.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Toni this calm and relaxed in all the years I’ve known her.” Martha commented, smiling at the sight of her best friend being so care free.
“Shelby’s good for her, and she’s good for Shelby.” Dot said.
“Agreed. I mean the way Toni could calm her down today, they’ve got something good with each other.” Fatin added.
Toni and Shelby didn’t return to the camp until late in the night when the rest of the girls were asleep and the fire was low. The two lay down together and Shelby curled into Toni’s side, resting her head on her chest. She listened to the sound of Toni’s heartbeat as she relaxed for the night. As she lay there, Shelby thought of Becca and all of the good memories they had created over the years. She thanked God for Becca and for keeping her safe up in heaven. Before she fell asleep, she thanked God for Toni, who was keeping her safe down on the island and who she hoped would be able to continue keeping her safe if they ever got off the island.