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She bounced across their living room.
She finally had free time! There were no large assignments in any of her classes for a while so she could finally breathe and go outside. She and Jugyeong had a girl’s day planned for today and she was so excited.
She decided that she was going to get her brother something while she was out as a thank you. Also a I am so glad you are alive gift.
She thanked every deity possible daily that she still had her brother.
Using her little sister privileges, she opened the door without knocking, “Oppa, Do you want—“
Her words stopped in her throat as she watched her brother trace his finger over the writing on his cast that he just had removed yesterday. He hadn’t even noticed that she was there.
Suddenly there was a knock at the front door and she heard, “Gowoon! It’s Jugyeong. Are you ready for today? I’m excited!”
She saw her brother’s shoulders tense up and the air in the room change.
She inhaled sharply as all the times with her brother that felt different finally linked together. All of the things that she brushed off as coincidences that weren’t coincidences at all.
Her brother’s eyes lingering on Jugyeong after her performance.
Him specifically asking her about Jugyeong after he came back from work over the ramen he stole.
Him walking out after Jugyeong to walk her home even though she lived nearby.
Him never walking around in just his underwear again after Jugyeong saw him in his boxers.
The school trip he went on, which was the first one in a while and really special for the three of them because life was okay enough again that he could have fun like a normal teenager, but he came back different.
Try as he might to hide all his emotions so to not worry her and their mom, he could not hide the raw hurt that shone in his eyes when he thought they weren’t paying attention.
She also heard from Kim Chorong and his gang (who were basically her surrogate brothers) that he had actually sung during that school trip which floored her because he had adamantly refused to sing ever since he lost his best friend no matter how many times her and their mom would ask. He only started conceding when their mom got sent to the hospital and even then it was songs for their ears only and completely private.
The way that all of a sudden he stopped riding his motorcycle even though it seemed to be an endless battle between him and their mom.
Him going back to work at the coffee shop even though he was working so many jobs already and didn’t need another. She remembered it was one of the jobs he most despised last year. Later she found out that Jugyeong had gotten a job at the exact same coffee shop because she needed the money for makeup academy.
Jugyeong had texted her after telling her that her brother gave really good love advice.
Kim Chorong had swung by their apartment one afternoon and he was wearing the shirt with their photo shoot and Seojun had taken one look at the shirt and walked out the door. It was an hour before he came home, carrying takeout as the reason he was gone for so long.
The way his eyes occasionally flashed in pain while they visited him in the hospital and when they walked out she noticed Suho and Jugyeong cuddling and whispering to each other in the next bed.
How he had been subdued and quiet ever since returning from the hospital.
Her brother fell in love with Lim Jugyeong and he never told her. She never knew. She was the source for all of this change. He helped her with Lee Suho because he wanted her to be happy. And then he stepped back and gave up. He let her go.
That rollercoaster of heartbreak and melancholy made her heart ache.
The fact that it was her big brother, one of the people she loved most in the world and who had done so much for her and their family, made it hurt all the more.
Something solidified within her - the desire to help her brother through this.
Because while you can never tell someone how to feel or what to feel, you can be by their side and be their shelter where they don’t need to pretend to be okay and can feel honestly. You can give them a safe space to process all of their emotions and be there to encourage them until emotions like pain and hurt are no longer so intense and smiles come more easily.
Her brother had been bottling up his feelings for Jugyeong this entire time and pretending to be okay.
She could see that he needed time to grieve and to mourn so that he could move on.
He needed space to not be okay.
He needed time and space away from the girl knocking on their door.
And as she silently backed away and closed the door, turning to check herself in the mirror really quickly, that was what she could give him.
She quickly closed the door behind her and pasted on a smile that was a little too wide, “Let’s go!”
She heard Jugyeong ask besides her, “Where is Seojun?”
She took a deep breath before the first of many tiny white lies left her lips, “He is just sleeping in a little longer. Tall guys like him use up so much energy that they sleep like logs. I’ll grab him his favorite food on our way back and he will be wide awake again. Where to first?”
Time and space. Time and space.
Kim Chorong liked to consider himself a loyal friend.
When you are the loyal friend and unofficial brother of someone like Han Seojun, you get really good at reading body language.
Him and the rest of the Seojun Squad could sense that there was something going on between Seojun and Lim Jugyeong. They were also not blind to how quiet and sad Seojun had been lately. His eyes always held a variety of different emotions, which always gave off the perfect bad boy image, but recently the mischief and happiness disappeared and the only thing they could see was pain.
They had a feeling that the two were linked. They also heard from gossiping nurses that Lim Jugyeong came to the hospital but to look after Lee Suho.
Though they said nothing, the likelihood that Lim Jugyeong and Lee Suho were dating only increased.
When the three of them were back at school together was when the changes became starkly apparent. Though nothing was said aloud, the lovestruck eyes that Lim Jugyeong constantly gave Lee Suho were very obvious. They also noticed a change in Seojun’s body language around Lim Jugyeong. He was uncomfortable around her instead of playful like he had been in the past and he adopted a look of fake nonchalance.
Their ability to restrain themselves snapped when Lim Jugyeong continued to act like nothing was different and the panic in Seojun’s eyes only grew and his fake nonchalance face became strained.
They stepped in there as Seojun’s Squad - the group of boys that vowed to be there for their friend and unofficial brother through thick and thin. They stepped in to protect their boy from silently tearing himself apart.
They knowingly gave him an out. They gave him a reason to be elsewhere. They gave him an outlet to break his facade of nonchalance. Whenever he felt overwhelmed, they were there to drag him out of it and give him a distraction.
They were there armed with soccer balls and basketballs and tasty food, dragging him to arcades and movies, shadowing him during his jobs, asking him to explain to them the different parts of a motorcycle as he repaired them or the difference between the five million types of violins when he ran the music shop.
They were there with breakfast invitations, dinner invitations, and spontaneous trips to the park or the beach.
They dropped board games and card games and complicated little puzzles into his lap and challenged him to solve them whenever his eyes would become haunted and melancholic and watched as the melancholy was replaced with a laser focus born out of sheer stubbornness.
They asked questions about his sister and his mom and watched as his eyes lit up and he wouldn’t stop talking for days.
They attended every single recital or play that his sister was in and endured Seojun darting around 30 different stores to find the perfect gift.
They helped Seojun take care of his mom, stepping in to replace him or distract whoever necessary so that Seojun could be there by his mom whenever he needed to be.
They officially brought Gowoon into the squad and watched as his mood immediately lifted. They collectively devised plans to keep Lim Jugyeong’s weird brother away from Gowoon.
They made a note of all the beautiful places they would stumble upon and drop them casually during conversation so that Seojun had beautiful and safe places to go to whenever he wanted to be alone and think.
They put themselves between Seojun and Lim Jugyeong so that he could have all the space and the time he needed.
And they just hoped and prayed that with time and space and their support, Seojun got his spark back.
Until he did, he always had them and they weren’t about to let him forget it.
It took time, but little by little he regained his former self.
And every single step-- Han Gowoon, Kim Chorong and the Seojun Squad considered a victory.
Every laugh and smile and teasing remark, they memorized and breathed a sigh of relief before joining in with smiles and laughs that were a little brighter.
With time and space, Han Seojun bounced back.
The secret medicine for heartbreak though was the steadfast support of people who love you.
Han Seojun had that in spades.
He’d be okay.