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At first I was reluctant to address even the weird fluttering in my chest, because it happens everytime I see Satou. I wasn't ready for all the implications. But, recently, it's gotten to a point I can no longer ignore it.
This whole thing started as just a little interest I took in him because of how impressively ordinary he is. I wanted to be like him, to have a normal life and not stand out at all. And then, after casually watching him go on about his days for a while, it occurred to me that I didn't just want to be like him, I wanted to be his friend. It took some effort, but at last I was able to befriend him.
As I began to spend more time with him, I discovered I really enjoyed listening to him talk about his bland interests. It was quite fun, so naturally I seeked his company more often.
And then I started thinking about him constantly; I couldn't control my thoughts neither the flow of them. Too many more times than I can bother to count I would be walking and out of the corner of my eye I would see something that inexplicably reminded me of him, and every single time I felt a distinct tug at my heart. I imagined going home with him, holding hands until we were forced to let go. I thought about going to his baseball matches to see him play and encourage him, because I could never get bored of watching him, nor tired of being with him. I found myself thinking about giving him gifts just to see him smile, and I wondered often about what kind of things he would like to get, and what kind of faces he would make after receiving them.
When I'm with him, I feel comfortable. I can't remember ever feeling that way before unless I was alone in my room. Having a social life always felt like a burden. I had never before wanted one, even though people always seem to be drawn to me for some reason.
Some days I struggle. It's hard for me to feel. Most of my emotions are muted, never quite there. It used to trouble me; I thought this made me less like a person. And yet when I'm with him I feel so...human. I get giddy like I'm a schoolgirl, out of breath like I just ran ten laps over the whole world, and feel some kind of thing in my stomach that resembles being punched in the gut, but, weirdly, in a good way.
This wasn't part of the original plan, but I know he likes me this way, too. So maybe I'll just have to use mind control to make same sex relationships more ordinary, as to not disturb his perfect averageness.