Chapter Text
It was surprisingly warm, Tommy realized.
His skin bristled with goosebumps, but his body had seemed to forget he was cold, and on top of the tower, Tommy actually felt… warm?
It wasn’t a safe warm, like when his family or Tubbo hugged him.
It was a lonely, sad warm. Like when you sit in a cold pool so long your body goes numb to cope. The world was such a frozen, isolated place, but Tommy was used to it now. A sense of melancholy understanding prickled underneath his skin, and he gritted his teeth and looked down for the first time.
God, he was so high up.
His foot hung off the tower, kicking at the wall he’d created absent-mindedly. He was so fucking sick of being vulnerable. Why was it always him who had to go through this stuff alone? He was just a kid. Tommy wrapped his arms around his stomach and stared at the snow that dusted the arctic floor. He missed his family; He missed Tubbo; He missed Logstedshire.
Tommy closed his eyes and sucked in a silent breath, barely keeping himself from breaking down into choked sobs. Dream was going to catch him... He never should’ve left. He never should’ve kept secrets from Dream.
The young man had run the moment Dream left. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been gone now, but the anxiety was already beginning to creep alongside his arms. And he felt sick and numb.
Maybe Logstedshire had been blown up… but it had been safe for the time being.
Tears pool in the corners of Tommy’s eyes, and he wipes at them angrily with the back of his hand. His skin feels frozen against his face. He glances down at his hands. Maybe they are frozen. He couldn’t feel anything, not really. It was all… numb.
He forced his gaze from his hands to the ground below. Jump. Dream can’t kill you if you do it first. Wilbur did it. Just be like your brother. Tommy cringed at the thought of Wilbur. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss his brother. Yeah, Tommy had Ghostbur… but he didn’t want Ghostbur. He wanted his brother… Was that too much to ask?
For one person to care about him? To actually care about him?
Fuck, Dream. Dream wasn’t his friend. Dream didn’t care.
Tommy’s eye caught onto light in the distance. He froze, inhaling sharply and quickly pulling his legs onto the tower. Who was that? Dream. It’s Dream. He’s found you. Jump. End it. Hurry! But the teenager couldn’t move. Maybe the cold was finally getting to him.
He pulled his hands over his ears. Shit, his hands were cold. Hell, Tommy’s whole body was cold. He tried to close his eyes -to eliminate all possible senses- but they wouldn’t leave the light a torch was creating.
The source was coming from the distance, and it was coming towards him... Towards the tower. Tommy’s heart lurched in his chest, and he felt his lungs seize painfully in his chest. He felt dizzy suddenly, and his body wavered on the cobblestone. Maybe he should actually jump. He hadn’t planned on it.
Not really.
He had just wanted perspective. To see the world like it was insignificant. But now… Tommy didn’t want to get in trouble. He couldn’t.
Tommy tottered to his feet, the wind whistling and whipping his clothes around. He felt light as a feather and stuck his arms out to balance instinctively. The edge of the tower surrounded him, he’d only made it one block wide. All he had to do… was step once in any direction.
Just fall. Maybe you’ll see Wilbur again.
And, far more selfish, Maybe if you’re dead people will wish they’d loved you more.
Maybe Dream would regret manipulating him; maybe Technoblade would realize he actually gave a shit; maybe Phil would realize Tommy just needed love; maybe Tubbo would regret betraying him; maybe... maybe, they’d all realize how much they loved him. Tommy just wanted them to miss him, to care about him.
Anger surged through him, and he found himself shivering, finally. A child-like temper burned in his veins, and indignant tears streaked down his face. Fuck them.
He was going to jump.
He’d made up his mind.
Right?
Tommy narrowed his eyes against the wind to stare at the approaching light again. He was going to jump… but first, he wanted to find out who that was. Was it even someone? The teenager drew a tongue over his lips. They were torn and bleeding. And cold. Seriously, when had it gotten so cold?
Still standing, the exiled teenager felt his blood run icy. No. No, no, no, no, no. That horse… that long pink hair… that cape. Tommy felt like throwing up. It was Technoblade. Tommy felt like he was going to pass out.
He wasn't sure whether it was from the memories, fear, or cold.
Techno hated him. Techno tried to kill him. Techno summoned the withers… Techno wanted him dead.
Panic began eating away at Tommy’s mind, and any logical or spiteful thinking was chipped away, replaced by fear. He’d prefer Dream over Techno. At least… at least, he knew why Dream had lied and manipulated him. But Technoblade… Techno wanted him dead, but it was so much worse because Techno was his brother…
Tommy couldn’t stand facing him.
Seemingly agreeing, his legs buckled. And he stumbled backward.
His torn shirt billowing in the cold wind, Tommy let out a strangled scream without thinking. He was falling. He was falling. Fear pierced into his lungs, and he suddenly couldn’t breathe, couldn’t scream. He’d gone silent.
I’m gonna die. Tommy would’ve wailed if he could make a sound. He clenched his eyes shut, trying his best to pretend nothing was happening. He was going to wake up from this nightmare now, right?
“Tommy!”
And then, the teenager was no longer flying.