Chapter Text
High school was a rough time for both Atsumu and Sakusa. Since they lived in different cities, they didn’t get to see each other as often as they would have liked, especially since Atsumu was still recovering. Thankfully they managed to maintain a loving and supportive relationship together and they graduated high school triumphantly. After high school, they both decided to work on their volleyball careers and worked towards joining the MSBY team. Their auditions for the team went well and they found themselves working with each other everyday. All was going well until Hinata Shoyo joined the team. Now Atsumu had nothing against Hinata, in fact, he saw him as a great friend and teammate, but there was something else about him that Atsumu couldn’t stand.
He was skinny .
Volleyball players are meant to be muscular and strong, which Hinata was, but he had a certain leanness to him that other plays (and himself) didn’t have. Atsumu knew he shouldn’t let it get to him, but the raging war inside of his head was loud and hard to ignore. After all, Atsumu had an amazing support system that had helped him through everything, but he felt so guilty relying on Sakusa again.
“Sakusa took care of you for so long, don’t bother him with this.” Atsumu thought. “I don’t want to annoy him with my problems again.”
So Atsumu continued his dreadful wonderful life. He pushed himself harder, trained longer, and started to cut out meals?
“Wait this wasn’t part of the plan.” Atsumu scolded himself as he walked home from practice. “You were supposed to train harder, not do this again.”
Part of him was angry at himself, but the other, darker and more hidden, part of himself kept telling him to come back.
I miss you.
Atsumu was shocked at the sudden voice and felt himself pale in fear.
“No, no, no. You can’t come back now, my life’s perfect. I don’t need you anymore.” He said frantically.
I think you do need me, you’re just too scared to admit to it. I’ve seen and heard the way you feel about Hinata. You want to be like him, right? He’s so perfect and small. That’s what you could’ve been if you had tried harder.
The Voice was right, imagine how perfect he could’ve been if only he had tried harder. Before Atsumu knew it, he was back at the apartment he shared with Sakusa. He took a deep breath and tried to put on a smile, hoping it would hide his discomfort and not betray the choice he had made. When he entered the apartment, he saw Sakusa laying down on the couch, sleeping. He’d been out sick with the common cold, even with his extra precautions.
“He looks so cute when he’s sleeping.” Atsumu thought fondly.
He went over to Sakusa and ran his fingers through Sakusa’s hair.
“I’m so whipped for him.” He said with a small chuckle.
Sakusa stirred and sat up, rubbing his eyes. He looked over at Atsumu and smiled.
“How was practice?” His voice was thick with sleep and slightly scratchy from the cold.
“It was good, we’re working on our serves.”
Sakusa grimaced at the thought of that. He loved serving and was sad to miss out on it.
Atsumu noticed the grimace and moved to cup Sakusa’s face.
“Hey look at me. You’ll do fine when you go back. Everyone needs a rest sometimes.”
Sakusa nodded his head in agreement.
“Can you make me more soup? I’m hungryyyy.” He whined.
Atsumu laughed and responded,
“Of course.” He placed a kiss on Sakusa’s head and walked off to the kitchen to make dinner.
Once dinner was made, Atsumu served Sakusa, who noticed only one bowl was out.
“Where’s your food?” Sakusa asked, slightly suspicious.
“Don’t worry Omi, I’m just not hungry right now. I’m still too excited over my new serve to eat.” Atsumu laughed, trying to play off his real feelings.
Sakusa nodded, not entirely believing him, but he let it slide. If things got worse, Sakusa would step in and help.
Their dinner was quiet, but fun. They talked about their day and overall enjoyed each other’s company. Both of them were tired and decided an early night would be best for them. Sakusa tried to get Atsumu to eat, but he waved it off. Sakusa got slightly worried, but figured it would be best to deal with it in the morning. They headed to bed and held each other as they drifted off to sleep.
Except Atsumu didn’t. All he could think about was how much of a failure he was. He looked so ethereal at the training camp, yet he threw it away.
You don’t deserve Sakusa’s love. You’re not skinny enough for him. All you do is leech off of him and use him. He’d be better off without your fat ass.
Atsumu agreed with The Voice and promised he’d do better. If he wanted Sakusa to stay, he had to be perfect again. He would beat Hinata, he would be skinnier than him, that’s all he needed. The need to be small was overwhelming and it was starting to cloud his judgement again.
This is the story of how Atsumu relapses.