Chapter Text
Levi stands at the side of the stage in the palace of Wall Sina, which was being used to recruit the 104 th cadet corps into the regiments. Currently occupying the centre stage was Commander Erwin Smith of the Survey Corps, attempting to convince the cadets to join their cause: to fight for humanity and fight against the titans. One glance at the sea of youthful faces in the crowd reveals a clear divide - those who look horrified and those who look determined. The former seems to be outweighing the latter. This was likely due to the bluntness of Erwin’s speech, which delivered nothing but the cold, hard reality of being a soldier in the Survey Corps.
It was a short life that would probably end in a painful death, the estimate that around 30% of them would be dead by the end of the next expedition, and the percentage would increase to reach most of them in four years’ time. The speech was more intimidating than persuasive, but it was better than luring children to their deaths by giving them false hope; telling them they’d become heroes, saviours of humanity, when in reality they would almost certainly end up dead before any progress was made. They would die as pawns in a game far greater than they could imagine; their only impact being becoming titan food, nothing but a waste of four years of training and scout funds.
The crowd begins to disperse as Erwin concludes his speech, and Levi watches with unsurprised disappointment as the majority of cadets leave the stage, preferring the safety provided by the Military Police or the Garrison Regiment. He didn’t blame them; these were children, no older than sixteen or seventeen, being asked to throw their lives away in a sacrifice that nobody would remember.
He stifles a sigh as the numbers keep on dwindling, scanning the faces of the few he saw still rooted to the ground, seemingly suffering from great internal conflict: a young man with grey hair, fists clenched and eyebrows knitted; a young woman with golden eyes, face etched in horror, shaking. The expressions of every person who was still standing in front of the stage were fearful, knowing that by not moving they were signing themselves up for an early death.
Eventually, the hurried shuffling of feet and the whispers of indecision ceases, and all that remains are the scattered forms of cadets, some visibly shaking. A short, blonde girl whimpers helplessly, and the brown-haired girl next to her harshly whispers something, causing her to become silent. Levi lets his eyes wander through the crowd: twenty one cadets remaining. An expected number, but surprising given who they were. This was the division from which the suicidal brat, Eren Yeager, had graduated, and yet no one seemed to share his hatred and determination towards the eradication of the titans.
In fact, many of them looked like they would rather be anywhere else, as if sudden paralysis of the legs was the only reason why they were still standing in front of Erwin. So why? Why were these teenagers so adamant on signing up for death? For pride? That could be much easier obtained in the Military Police, a regiment of actual recognition and nobility. Heroism? Erwin had already told them clearly their chances of survival were critically low, especially in the long run. Were they that confident in their abilities that they believed themselves able to survive, or was this out of loyalty to Eren?
Based on the uproar in the courthouse caused by his fellow cadets when he had beaten the shit out of Eren at his trial – especially the two he spotted side by side at the foot of the stage, an angry-looking girl who reminded him much of himself, and a timid blond boy – he had many friends who cared for him. Were they seriously loyal to the point they’d offer up their lives to fight by his side? No wonder that brat’s head was so big, having his ego constantly fed by people who looked up to and cared for him.
“If you cadets were told to die, would you?”
Erwin’s voice cuts into the silence of the courtyard, and the room once again descends into silence afterwards, the cadets stunned by his blunt question. Levi watches their faces, twisted in conflict, wondering if they had truly thought through their decision. After a moment, a voice responds, a shout, sounding pained but sure as the words left his mouth.
“We do not wish to die, sir!”
Erwin allows himself to smile then, and Levi joins in on the sentiment. Scared shitless as they were, they had spirit, and that was one of the fundamental elements to a soldier of the scout regiment. They could fear all they wanted – hell, even Levi still got scared sometimes – but as long as they could turn that fear into drive, into determination, then they could become a capable soldier. Erwin inclines his head at the soldiers and speaks in a low tone,
“I see. You each have an outstanding look about you.”
Raising his head to look at the cadets, Levi finds himself agreeing. Just by looking at their expressions, the way they held themselves, he could tell that many of those present had been in the top ten of their division. Though varying in build, height, appearance, each of them had a similar and yet entirely different aura. Even those who were beyond terrified had a passion, a drive that proved they could make decent soldiers. He only hoped that that passion was enough to keep them alive long enough to reach their full potential.
The smile leaves Erwin’s face and his expression moulds into one of seriousness as he looks into the small crowd of cadets, raising his voice to address each person there clearly.
“All of you are hereby accepted as new members of the Survey Corps! This is a genuine salute!”
In one swift movement he brings his curled right fist over his heart, the other behind his back.
“Give your hearts!”
The cadets follow instantly, returning the salute with a resounding “Yes, sir!” echoing throughout the courtyard. Glistening eyes look upon Erwin, knowing that their childhood dreams of the Survey Corps - of being saluted by the Commander - were unfolding in front of them. Fear is overruled by a sense of conviction. Their anxieties were not eradicated, but with a fist on their chests, giving their hearts to the Scout Regiment, they allow themselves to forget about the future for a moment and live in the present. One of the cadets makes eye contact with Levi and stiffens, straightening themself further as if under scrutiny, and turning away with wide eyes.
With the cadets recruited, Levi watches as Erwin walks off stage with a pained smile on his lips. Levi doesn't need to ask to know what it means. The sea of faces out there, the newest members of the Survey Corps, young and passionate, had resigned themselves to a premature death. It wasn’t easy, recruiting such innocent, determined children, knowing that you were sending them to their deaths. And even if they didn’t meet an early demise on their first expedition they would be traumatized, and then sent on expedition after expedition, making no progress, watching comrade after comrade die until they met the same fate.
It was a miserable, horrific life, which was why Erwin didn’t sugar-coat it. It was one thing to lead soldiers to their deaths, but it was another to lead them to their deaths when they had any hope otherwise.
He gives Erwin a sympathetic nod as he approaches. “I know.”
He sighs in response, pinching the bridge of his nose as they descend the wooden stairs and make their way towards the accommodation wing of the palace.
“Am I a monster for leading them to their deaths, Levi?”
Levi doesn’t hesitate to reply, the answer needing no thought. “You aren’t leading them to their deaths, Erwin. You gave them the reality and they still chose to join us; they know that their deaths will be no one’s fault but their own. All you can do is lead them well enough to prevent those deaths for as long as possible.”
A long time ago, when Levi had first joined the Scout Regiment, his answer would’ve been much different. When his head had been consumed with grief, he could do nothing but blame Erwin for the deaths of his friends; refusing to accept responsibility for trusting them too much and leaving them unattended, refusing to accept that it had been nothing but bad luck in thick fog that they had run into a titan.
It had taken much time and trust, and the bluntness of Erwin’s words, to make him realize that death was unavoidable. That he should channel his hatred towards the titans, the true killers, rather than dwelling on useless grudges for the sake of having someone to point fingers to. It wasn’t Erwin’s fault that fog had appeared during an expedition, and he could not have anticipated the infiltration of an abnormal into their formation. In the Survey Corps, one had to accept that death was common, and it was unavoidable. No one man could prevent the deaths of hundreds of soldiers against a titan, and Commander Erwin Smith could not prevent everyone’s death.
A small smile plays on Erwin’s lips at Levi’s response, and he turns to him with kind eyes.
“Thank you, Levi.”
“Tsk… whatever.”
Levi avoids his gaze, his usual response when showed gratitude or given praise. A soft chuckle sounds from next to him, one that meant Erwin knew exactly what he was saying. His dismissive replies and cold exterior did nothing to convince him that he wasn’t grateful when he received such sentiments, despite Levi’s protests otherwise. Throwing a halfhearted glare towards the Commander, he pushes open his door and disappears into the temporary quarters he had been given for the duration of his stay in the capital.
There would be a party tonight in the palace, in celebration of the graduation of the cadets. Unfortunately for him, all commanders, captains, squad leaders and the like were required to attend. The only reason he wasn’t feigning life-threatening illness to get out of it was because Mike had convinced him to hang out by the food table with him, where there would hopefully be less people. Although Levi had tried to explain that cadets who had been living on rations for three years were unlikely to turn down food - food from the height of society no less - his pleading had won out and he begrudgingly accepted. Standing up to Mike would come across as hostility, and he did not want to deal with the wrath of a 6’5 man with a terrifying sense of smell, especially with the added burden of training new recruits.
He also supposed he would have to acquaint himself with said recruits before training started, to take this chance to assess their personalities and mentally prepare himself. Hopefully, there wasn’t another Eren among them; he could barely deal with him alone, God help him if there were others who shared his insanity-inducing personality traits.
Despite the nature of the celebration – i.e. the majority of the guests would be immature teenagers – the dress code was formal, considering it was being held in the palace of Wall Sina. They, along with the cadets, had been issued tailored suits and gowns, because anyone with half a brain knew that the Survey Corps had neither the money or use for clothing other than loungewear and uniform. Levi had never owned his own suit - during his life in the Underground or the past six years in the corps - and he did not plan on owning one at any point in the future, especially when his only use for them was when he was forced to attend the condescendingly irritating social gatherings in Mitras.
Luckily, this celebration was mostly for the cadets and their regiments, so he wouldn’t have to be plastering on any fake smiles to appease nobles in an attempt to win them over, so they’d keep funding the Scout Regiment. The only officials who would be attending were the regiment leaders themselves: Nile Dok, Dot Pyxis, and Erwin Smith, as well as section commanders and other ranked soldiers. He was fairly certain Nile would leave as soon as the cadets started to get drunk – inevitable, really, given the fact they had access to alcohol – which was a stroke of luck for Levi, whom the man seemed to harbour an unexplained hatred towards.
The officials who showed up, if any, were there as partygoers. It was a celebration of the cadets, not an evening of pandering to rich idiots. He could get away with completely ignoring them and pass it off as being too busy fraternising with his new regiment members.
So, honestly, this wasn’t the worst celebration he could be attending in the capital. He had been to far worse, and the fact that none of the cadets had been born or raised in Sina was enough of a reassurance that there would be a much different atmosphere than usual. The cadet initiation party was the only one he looked forward to, if by ‘looked forward to’ you meant dreaded slightly less than usual.
He picks up his tailored suit from where it had sat, waiting, draped over his chair and scrunches his nose up in disgust at it. It was so plain, a certain downgrade from the scout uniform, even his day clothes - he couldn’t see how anyone thought of this as fashion. A plain, black shirt paired with white dress pants and a white blazer. Fascinating .
He had never been a huge fan of white clothing, what with how easily visible it made dirt, serving as a constant reminder of the uncleanliness of the underground. He preferred to wear darker colours, so he could at least convince himself he was maintaining some semblance of propriety outside of the comfort of his house, which may well have been the cleanest place in the entire city.
So, looking at the colour on the ridiculously expensive Sina fabric, he can’t help but frown in distaste at the offending pieces of clothing. He had half a mind to completely ignore the suit and instead wear his uniform, but he disregards the idea in favour of not further pissing off the Sina officials (who already seemed to harbour a deep hatred for the fact an ‘ underground rat ’ had managed to work his way so high up the ranks).
With a sigh he gives the ugly suit one last look before heading to the bathroom to prepare. Levi revels in the feeling of the hot water, relaxing as the tension of the day is slowly worked out of his aching muscles. The memory of forced smiles and sweaty handshakes - of sympathy from rich, fat officials who had never left the safety of the walls, who had never even seen a titan – are reduced to nothing but a dull buzz at the back of his mind.
He sighs contentedly and slides further into the water, making the most of the hot water that was scarce back at headquarters. Maybe that’s why he kept agreeing to accompany Erwin to shitty council meetings, because there was always the promise of a decent bath and enough food to actually sate your hunger in the capital, whereas the corps’ funds could barely cover expeditions, let alone sufficiently feed dozens of soldiers.
When he finally drags himself out of the now-lukewarm water his limbs are heavy, and he has to resist the urge to just collapse straight onto the silk bed and sleep through the party. The thought does cross his mind, multiple times, but he manages to distract himself with drying off enough to not give in. Sometimes his self-control was more of a curse than a blessing.
After raking a hand through his damp hair until it looks somewhat presentable, he reluctantly begins to put on the suit. It is ugly . That was the simplest way in which he could describe it. Despite apparently being tailored to his measurements (which he hoped meant they had guessed from looking at him, because at no point in time had he let a tailor anywhere near him), it fits too tightly in places and hangs too loosely in others. The sleeves of the blazer are just a little too long - he has to roll them into themselves so that his hands are visible – and the waist of the trousers is too small, digging into his hips to the point where Levi wouldn’t be surprised if he looked like an hourglass.
Casting a hesitant glance at the mirror he catches his reflection and scowls, because he looks like an absolute idiot.
An abrupt knock interrupts his thoughts and he turns with a start to the source, not even managing to open his mouth to answer before the door swings open, followed by a figure.
“Levi!”
Hanji doesn’t seem to register the fact that he had barely finished dressing, and had narrowly avoided an extremely awkward situation. Though, he supposes they would turn such a situation into an experiment rather than just turning around and walking out like any decent human being would do. But, then again, he still wasn’t convinced Hanji was a human being.
“What’s the point of knocking if you’re just going to come in anyway?”
Hanji runs their gaze up and down his body once, seeming to finally assess the situation, and quirks their lips up in amusement.
“I don’t want to give you a heart attack, old man.”
He manages to stifle a sigh and runs a hand down his face, blatantly turning away from Hanji in an attempt to signal the end to the conversation he really didn’t have the brain power for. Mentally preparing himself for this party had proved to be quite taxing.
“Tsk.”
If Hanji picks up on his foul mood they don’t mention it, in fact they seem intent on further provoking him. Shifting from the spot they had been rooted to at the entrance of the room, they lean against the doorframe in the most obnoxious stance possible, practically emanating ‘I am actively trying to piss you off right now’.
“Nice suit.”
“Shut up.”
Levi is currently one jab away from committing murder. Of course they had to bring up the suit as an insult to injury. The utter offense this outfit was causing him was definitely 95% of why he was so irritable tonight. The other 5% was just his general distaste for life.
“Oh come on, Levi. I think it looks cute.”
“I swear to God, Four-eyes, I will feed you to a titan, and make sure I kill you beforehand so you don’t die fulfilling some perverted, titan-researching fantasy.”
They don’t seem to register his threat as anything other than amusing, but relent regardless.
“Ok, I’ll stop. We need to get going anyway, the cadets have already started drinking and I don’t think Mike and Erwin can handle a bunch of drunk teenagers alone.”
Standing up from where they had been propped against the doorframe, they begin to exit the room without any further explanation. Levi reluctantly shuffles out of the room in tow, immediately feeling even more self-conscious about his outfit outside of the privacy of his room.
“What about Nanaba?”
He asked, to direct his thoughts elsewhere. Though, he was curious about her whereabouts, given she was normally the chaperone at these kinds of events. Hanji acknowledged his question with a slight turn of their head, not bothering to face him and choosing instead to raise their voice as they make their way down the excessively decorated halls.
“She already surrendered responsibility. Said she had important paperwork to do tonight.”
Levi snorts, “Important paperwork down at one of the taverns?”
Hanji doesn’t respond, but they look over their shoulder for a moment to reveal a giddy smile spread across their face. He smirks, of course she was.
“Mike is not going to be happy, though I’m surprised you aren’t tagging along.”
They don’t look over their shoulder this time but he can hear the shit-eating grin from the suffocating levels of smug delight in their voice.
“Who says I’m not? I’m just your escort, suit boy.”
The smirk drops from his face so suddenly it could cause whiplash, and he fights the urge to tackle Hanji to the ground and break the legs they’re currently bouncing happily down the hall on. He’d like to see them try to get to the tavern without him while paralysed from the waist down.
He speeds up in order to catch up to Hanji (fucking long legs) and grabs their shoulder, spinning them around with such force they almost do a full turn. They barely have time to recover their balance before he starts protesting.
“Fuck that! If you’re not going I’m not going.”
They manage to stand on their own two feet again and fix him with a look, having the gall to look sympathetic for a moment despite being the one to betray him. Though this look was quickly replaced by amusement. Of course they find this funny, they get to go and laugh about this with Nanaba while drinking enough alcohol to induce a coma while Levi babysits a bunch of drunk teenagers who can’t hold said alcohol.
Hanji’s lower lip juts out excessively and they seem to be reaching out to place a hand on his shoulder, before realizing it would be a grave mistake. Their hand freezes halfway before dropping back to its original position, though this does nothing to sway their act.
“And leave Erwin by himself? What kind of Captain would that make you? Besides, one of the conditions I negotiated with him for a granted absence from the party was ensuring that you attended. Commander’s orders.”
They’d made a deal with Erwin and used him as a bargaining chip?
“You conniving little-”
Levi is fully prepared to follow through on his promise to kill Hanji and feed them to a titan. He could stage it as an accident. No one would ever know.
They seem to recognise the all-too-familiar ‘I am currently mentally planning your murder’ glint in his eyes, because they chuckle nervously before exhaling a huffed breathe of relief when their desperate attempts to avoid his gaze result in the revelation that they’d arrived at the door to the hall.
Spinning around excitedly to face him, worries evaporated upon the realisation they’d avoided their fate for tonight, they clasp their hands together in finality.
“Well! It appears this here ends my duties for tonight, and Nanaba is waiting for me at the tavern.”
Before Levi can protest, most preferably by threatening their life in deeply disturbing ways, they’ve practically materialised out of existence, disappearing around the corner at the other end of the corridor before he can even open his mouth.
Great.
Theoretically, he could just turn around and leave right now. He could walk back the way he came, lock himself in his room with his endless supply of hot water and silk bed sheets so soft he almost wishes he lived here. The party would go on without him, and he could have another bath that wasn’t below freezing before he had to go back to the repulsive Scout Barrack’s communal washroom.
Realistically, he knows that the only thing he can do right now is walk through that door and get the night over with. Erwin had personally requested his attendance, had even sent an escort just to ensure his arrival, and for some reason he feels a pit in his stomach at the thought of going against this. It disturbs him that he can’t quite decipher whether it stems from the thought of the reprimanding he’d get tomorrow if he went against direct orders, or of how it would disappoint him if he didn’t go when he’d asked him to be there with him.
Whatever, he could handle a few snotty teenagers; it was probably good to at least see those of them who were joining the Corps before they started training with him tomorrow.
So, instead of turning 180 and making a beeline for his room (as much as he wanted to, and he really wanted to), he takes a moment to smooth down the front of his offensive suit and compose himself. After a few deep breaths to convince himself he doesn’t look like a complete idiot (which aren’t very effective, he still feels like an idiot), he curses under his breath and enters the hall.