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Bakugou Katsuki didn’t become a better person overnight after Izuku died. Katsuki didn’t even miss Izuku until months later when his empty chair in their middle school classroom and absence of the nerds muttering started weighing on his mind and heart. When Katsuki got his U.A. acceptance letter, he visited Izuku’s grave for the first time since the funeral. He sat for hours, spending time lighting Izuku’s incense and cleaning off the headstone, speaking to him quietly even though he knew he wouldn’t get a response.
Katsuki told him about the girl he dubbed ‘Pink Cheeks’ who cried out for help and, in surprise to himself, he ran and saved her from the “stupid as fuck giant useless robot”. Katsuki even set the projector disk down on the headstone and let it play because he knew how much Izuku loved All Might.
When the sun set and Katsuki snuck back into his home, he looked over the notebook that Auntie Inko insisted he keep to “encourage him to be a good hero”.
It took some time but slowly, one act at a time, Katsuki started becoming slightly nicer.
He still yelled at the old hag over little things but the arguments never lasted as long as they did. He still blew up in his new class at U.A. but during the battle trials he didn’t aim his explosions at peoples faces. He still used his giant gauntlet but instead of aiming to kill, he was testing out his support item that Izuku designed for him all those years ago.
He still got angry and gave his followers cruel nicknames but when ‘Dunceface’ called his personality trash, he didn’t try to blow up his face.
When the USJ incident happened, he worked with ‘Shitty Hair’, remembering to actually call him by his name when coming up with a plan.
It was a bad plan but it was something, he was never one who could come up with battle plans in a second, that was all Izuku…
Kiri shima and him worked together in their zone and even ran to other zones to help others.
Katsuki was still impulsive and destructive with his quirk but he was trying to be better.
Katsuki was trying, that’s more than he ever did before. He gets frustrated when his mind goes to how much better that stupid fucking Deku- Izuku would be at this.
Izuku was always the one who was friendly enough to get people to work with him. He would’ve been so much better at having friends than Katsuki was. He would’ve been able to make a good plan for Katsuki and his class to use to get away from the villains. He would’ve risked his life for their hobo teacher just like the good hearted stupid fuck he is.
Izuku would’ve been so good as a hero but he also wouldn’t have been able to keep up or be as strong, Izuku was still quirkless after all. Maybe he would’ve been able to be a secretary or something for a hero, doing the paperwork and being happy with it. He was always writing in his notebooks and had alright grades.
After the USJ, Katsuki visited Izuku’s grave once again, his wrists wrapped in compression sleeves from using his quirk too much and a bandage on his cheek covering up scratch marks caused by rubble.
Just like when he got his acceptance letter, Katsuki tells Izuku everything in a quiet whisper. Glaring at any other grave visitors who looked at him before shaking his head with a sigh.
He tells Izuku how he’s trying to be better, how he worked with Shitty ha-
Kirishima
who listened to what Katsuki said
just like Izuku did-.
Stop it!
He’s trying to be better, for Izuku, he’s doing it for Izuku. He’s going to be a good hero and save so many fucking people. It’s what he would have wanted, he wrote so in his notebook
suicide letter
.
Sometimes he wishes Izuku was still here but he knows he would still be stupid and be mean to him if he was. Katsuki knows now just how much he regrets and how fucking stupid he was before but why did he only have to realize it after Deku was dead?! Why couldn’t he have been smarter before and still have Deku here to help him through this shit!
It’s not fucking fair..
Everyone’s acting like this didn’t happen now and Katsuki feels so fucking alone dealing with his guilt knowing that it’s all his fault. And now Auntie Inko is gone to America and he can’t even say fucking sorry to her.
Sorry for making her only son jump off of a building.
Sorry for being the one to tell him to.
Sorry for hurting him every day with his quirk and with his words.
Sorry for letting everyone else get away with it at the same time.
Sorry for being the only one who takes care of Izuku’s grave now.
He’s so fucking sorry…
Bakugou cries for the first time over Izuku’s death, many months after the funeral. Wrists wrapped up, all scratched and sore from a fucking villain attack. Katsuki cries over Izuku’s grave all alone.
Maybe he should talk to someone..
The world is moving on but Katsuki just can’t, he doesn’t want to, he can’t leave Izuku behind but maybe he can find a way to remember him that’s not so fucking painful.