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The only time this trio of disorderly siblings is quiet is at night. Hey, these rowdy kids need the energy to annoy their neighbors again tomorrow. The Warner Brothers (and the Warner Sister) were long gone in their respective dreamlands.
Then, without warning, there is a crash on the other side of the water tower. Stirring the younger Warner brother awake from his dog bed on top of his sister’s box-shaped canopy bed. Wakko sits up on his hands and knees and waits to see if that crash was a figment of his hyperactive imagination or not.
There it goes again! Wakko growls and barks at the commotion like a dog. Much to the chagrin of the eldest Warner.
“We’re not even dogs…” Yakko grunts as he sits up. Plastic balls moving around in his ball pit/bed as he does.
“Hey! Knock it off!” He pounds the bed above him. Passing the misery of being jolted awake onto his little sister.
Dot growls and bends over the edge of the mattress. “Hey! I’m above you! Stop it!” She slaps his hand away.
“Quiet, guys!” Wakko finally says. “Listen!” They both quiet down and hear the same noises in the shadows.
“Someone’s in the kitchen, Yakko!” Dot says, petrified.
Protective older brother mode activated. “Get behind me, sibs,” Yakko demands as he steps out of his ball pit. The other two quickly jump down and get behind him. The three of them tiptoes into the kitchen.
Yakko signals for Dot to get the lights. She nods puts her finger on the switch. While he prepares his weapon, an anvil; he carries it over his head. Dot switches on the light.
“BUSTED! What the-?!” No one was there! Just a very messy kitchen; open drawers, food splats all over the counter and the floor, and a fridge half full and opened wide. Yakko tosses his anvil to the side.
There are footsteps again and the sound of the front door creaking. The Warner siblings simultaneously gasp. As soon they spin around, the door was wide open. Wakko walks out onto the porch and looks out. There’s not even a shadow stirring.
“Get back here! We’re not done with you yet!” He yells into the blackness.
“Forget it, bro. They’re long gone.” Dot tells him as she pulls him back inside.
Wakko groans frustrated. “How did we let this happen? We’re usually good at catching people! I mean look at this!” He gestures dramatically to the catastrophe in the kitchen. “What kind of mindless creature would waste all this food!” He drops to his knees.
“Even more so, what kind of mindless creature would break into the water tower?” Dot adds on. Yakko mediates on that. She did have a point. They have made a reputation for themselves that they are not to be messed with. Let alone robbed from.
“Sibs, search the tower! Make sure nothing was taken from us!” Yakko suddenly says. Dot nods and Wakko snaps out of his episode enough to give a salute. Then they all split up.
Dot opens their closet, revealing multiple copies of their usual attires. “All our clothes are still here!”
Wakko removes a large piece of the floorboards. Revealing a stash of mallets, anvils, dynamite, and maces. “Our secret stash of weapons are all accounted for.”
Yakko searched in the living room. The TV was still there. Their laptop was in its usual place. And two cell phones were untouched in their charging stations (Wakko had his in his stomach, remember?) “Our media is here too.”
They all regroup back in the kitchen. “It’s just the kitchen. And it’s gonna take y’all forever to clean this up.” Yakko says with his signature snarky grin.
“US?!” His younger siblings roar.
“Yep, good night!” Yakko waves them off and walks off to turn in.
“Hey! You can’t just leave us like this!” Dot rebuttals. “Wakko, say something!”
Wakko stands uncharacteristically still as he stares blankly at the top of the fridge. Dot snaps her fingers in front of his face but he just responds by lifting her chin in his direction.
“Aw, crud.”
Yakko comes back. “Guys, you know I was just kidding. What’s wrong with you?”
Wakko walks toward him cautiously. “Bro, don’t scream.”
“Something was taken?” He gasps. “Did they take my playboys?!”
“Your what?” Wakko says, shocked.
“Uhhhhhhhh, forget it!” Yakko says, red in the face.
“No! You should be ashamed of yourself! Who still reads playboy magazines? Can you not log onto a computer?” Dot got in between her idiot brothers and slams her hands over their mouths.
“Shut up before I hurt both of you! Look!” She grabs Yakko’s head and points to the top of the fridge.
A small empty plaque that reads S.S Hal.
“HOLY [INSERT RELIGIOUS ICON HERE]!” Yakko exclaims. He hops on top of the fridge and frantically looks around it. He then grabs the plaque and jumps down.
“Someone swiped my boat!”
“One of your prized possessions,” Wakko said. “We used to play Battleship with it every bath night! And it was the model for your bigger boat in the “Panama Canal” song!”
“Thank you, Mr. Exposition.” Dot sarcastically says. “Don’t worry, Yakko. We’ll get security on it!”
“Security?! Ralph can’t even chase a better job!” Yakko bitterly spits out. The plaque trembling in his angry hands. Dot and Wakko share a glance. Their older brother wasn’t the one to get emotional; he relied on his brain and his wit first, and his feelings almost never. They knew then and there that this wasn’t a joke. You know, for once.
“No security! This is personal! I’m gonna find whoever did this and make them suffer!” Yakko growls, seething through his teeth. His younger siblings share in his anger. The boat may not have been theirs, but they are rightfully pissed that someone stole something so dear from their brother.
“Not without me you’re not!” Dot stands on his left.
Wakko stands at his right. “And me! No one steals from my family and walks away with all their teeth!”
Yakko calms down a bit to look down at them with a small proud smile. Then something else catches his eye.
“And I know where we should start looking.” He picks up a business card on the floor that has the Disney castle on it.
The next morning at the Disney mega-corporation, specifically in a mostly dog-owned neighborhood, 14-year-old Max Goof was requested by his next-door neighbor to come over.
Pete grumpily opens his fridge door for Max. “I believe this is yours.” Inside was his father in his pajamas, sleeping and covered in food stains.
Max groans and covers his eyes, embarrassed. “Dad! I’m sorry, Mr. Pete. I’ll get him out of there.”
“You’re lucky I’m a benevolent man. Or else I would have pressed charges.” He leaves the messy kitchen with that. Max silently scoffs at that statement. He walks over to his father.
“Dad! DAD!” He screams, yet Goofy still snores. Max sighs frustrated and pulls out a trumpet from his hammerspace He blows on it into his dad’s ear until he’s wide awake and leaps out of the fridge.
“Private Goofy ready for duty, sir!” He shouts like he’s back in the military.
“Ok. One, you weren’t a private, you were a symbol. And two, what were you doing in the neighbor’s fridge?”
“I don’t know.” He honestly answers. “The last thing I can recall is going to bed famished. Oh Maxie, I think I was sleep-eating.”
“Sleep what?”
“You know. Sleepwalking but you have the munchies. Ayuk, I’m sure there’s nothing else to worry about.” He goes to pat his son on the head but accidentally hits him with a toy boat. His right hand was stuck on the funnel.
“Ow!” Max rubs his sore spot.
“Sorry! Where did this come from?” Goofy ponders as he tries to free himself from the boat.
“Whatever it is, it’s junk!” Max pulls on the boat himself. But in the process, accidentally flips his dad over his head. Causing him to crash into the wall behind him.
“It’s stuck,” Goofy concludes, while upside down
“Gee, ya think?” His son answers sarcastically. Max pulls his dad together and leaves with him.
“Come on, we’ll get that thing off of you!”
In the coal mines owned and operated by the Seven Dwarfs, the men are merrily digging for precious jewels as per usual.
We dig dig dig dig dig dig dig
In our mine the whole way through
We-
They are interrupted by this huge explosion. Causing bits of rock to fall from above and coal smoke to arise. Blurring everyone’s vision and making them violently cough.
“What in tarnation?!” Grumpy yells.
It was too much for poor Sneezy. “Ah-Ah AHCOO!” He sneezes the smoke away.
The Warners come into plain view. Wakko had a stick of dynamite in his hand. The Dwarfs’ usual small opening, that was just tall enough for them, is now a big gaping hole.
Doc gasps. “Gazoots! It’s the Turner Mothers! Uh, Corner Others! I mean, it’s the Warner Brothers!”
“And the Warner Sister!”
“Work with us, little men. We just wanna ask you a few questions.” Yakko smirks. As soon as he said that, Dopey hides behind the closest dwarf, Sleepy.
“Oh, let’s just skip to the fun part, big brother.” Dot adds, smiling sinisterly. The siblings then pounce onto the little men.
The next thing they knew, they were being turned upside down and being shaken down one by one. Their pockets empty and all the blood rushing to their heads.
“Anything?” Yakko asks.
“No!” Wakko answers, dropping Dopey on his head. “Just a bunch of diamonds!”
“Can we keep some?” Dot asks hopefully.
“Focus Dot! This is only Stop #1. Come on!” Yakko tells them before leaving the mine.
Dot picks up a handful of diamonds. “I’m taking it anyway.”
Wakko follows her lead. “Me too. I forgot to give Hello Nurse a Christmas gift.” The younger Warners leave like that; robbing the dizzy Dwarfs blind.
In the Goofs’ backyard, Max was preparing a fishing pole.
“It’s simple, Dad. I do the Perfect Cast on you and pop that boat right off of you.”
Goofy smiled. “The Perfect Cast never failed us yet. Let her rip, son!”
Max backs up a few feet before beginning. “Ok! 10:00, 2:00. Quarter to Three, tour jete. Twist. Over. Pas de deux. I’m a little teapot. And the windup! Let her fly!” He recites before letting it go. Goofy was eternally proud that his son still remembered what he taught him.
The hook catches the funnel. “Aha!” Max reels it in but it’s a fighter. “Come on! You! Stupid! Ugh!” He pulls on the pole with all his might and tries to walk backward.
Goofy plants his feet down and holds onto his arm. “Pull harder!”
“I’m trying! Whoa!” Max yells as the fishing pole snaps in half. Then he goes rolling backwards into a tree.
“Max!” Goofy runs over to him. “Are you alright?”
“I’ll take the boat. Hold Dad’s hand.” He says in a trance as stars spin around him. Goofy holds up his hand still attached to the boat.
“Oh, come on!” Max groans once he comes to.
“Don’t worry. I got an idea.”
The Warners’ next pillaging stop was Merlin’s work-study. Making a bigger mess than his place was.
Wakko threw a whole bookcase on the floor to look behind it. Yakko lifted the table over his head then threw it to his side. Breaking Merlin’s tea set in the process. Dot was climbing up the shelves, breaking potion bottles left and right. Not caring if she released a curse or something.
She scoffs. “I knew we shouldn’t have come here. How are we gonna find anything in this hoarder’s mess?”
Merlin’s owl then flies in and gasps dramatically at the commotion. “Cease and desist!” The Warners pause for a second to stare at the new intruder.
“Just what do you think you’re doing?! Disrespecting Merlin’s space like this! I ought to to-”
Yakko comes up from behind him to trap him in a birdcage. Then he throws that cage out the window. The owl screams all the way down.
“Dang, bro. You didn’t have to do that.” Wakko says.
“He’s just a Jiminy Cricket knock off. Who’s gonna miss him?” Yakko accidentally knocks over a potion and when it breaks, it creates a fantastical blue mist. Swallowing and transforming the siblings.
“What in the Higitus Figitus is going on here!” Merlin demands from outside as he walks towards his tower. “Can’t a man leave his house without something…going…horribly…”
He slows down his words, taken back when the roof of his tower is cracked opened at the side. Revealing a very large tail. The Warners’ larger faces come into view; each is connected to an incredibly long reptile neck. And that is attached to a 500-foot-long dragon body. The body crumbles down the top half of the tower.
“Dragon!” Merlin yells, pointing at the three-headed monstrosity. “Dragon! Dragon!”
“Can someone stop this man from yelling “dragon”?” Yakko’s head demands. His siblings’ heads both raise an eyebrow at him.
“Oh yeah.” He replies. Then they all breathe fire in Merlin’s direction.
In his kitchen, Goofy uses his free hand to slathers dish soap all over the boat. “I’ll just slip right out of it all smooth-like.”
“This is just a disaster waiting to happen.” Max chides.
“Just trust your old man. Now pull!”
Max struggles with just that. “It still won’t budge!”
“It just needs more soap!” Goofy picks up the bottle to pour more onto it but it falls out of his slippery hands. The cap pops open on impact. The bottle creates a pool at Goofy’s feet, causing him to slip up. He clumsily tries to retain his posture but ends up sliding all over the kitchen floor like an ice skater with no grace.
“Whoa! Whoooa! Whoa-ho-hooooo!”
“I told this would- DAD!” Max cries in vain as his dad takes him along for the ride. They’re heading too fast toward the back wall. Before Max can utter the first syllable of the warning “watch out!”, father and son idents are created into said wall.
The two groan and fall onto the backs in pain. Goofy inspects the boat. “Gosh, this is some mighty fine handiwork. Not a scratch!”
Max growls in anger as a response.
Regular-sized Yakko and his siblings stand at the edge of Pride Rock.
“Animals of the Pridelands! We are not your enemies! But we will take back what’s mine through any means necessary!” He screams.
Wakko pulls out a bow and arrow. He shoots an arrow blindly into the open space to emphasize his brother’s point. A warthog’s cry in pain is immediately heard.
A lion roars ferociously behind the trio but they don’t even flinch. They calmly turn to face a seething Simba.
“Leave this place! NOW!” Simba demands, charging at the trio.
“Oooo, a new playmate for my pet!” Dot squeals as she pulls out a tiny box. She opens it a crack and a mean green mother from outer space pops out and roars at the lion king. Bearing its razor-sharp teeth. Simba stops in his tracks to witness its horror. It uses its leafy arm to grab him by the tail effortlessly. Then it throws him over the edge of Pride Rock like a rag doll.
“Like father, like son.” Wakko comments.
“Dot, I knew there was a reason we kept you around.” Yakko grins. Dot socks her oldest brother in the arm for that. He winces quietly.
“Hop on, boys!” Dot says. The trio hop on the pet’s head. It escapes its box and carries them down the rock. Thus, the Warners continue their rampage all over the pride lands. Disrupting the already delicate circle of life. Meek animals and mothers and their children all flee from them. While the brave predators fend them off. They are punished for their bravery by shooting arrows.
But like the last two endeavors, it is fruitless. How are they slipping up? In a normal Animaniacs segment, they would have come out on top hours ago!
This factoid annoys Dot and Wakko. But Yakko is bursting at the seams with fury.
In the Disney megalopolis city, all the Disney-owned properties can coexist in (kinda) harmony. But we don’t have time to showcase every property so the author is just gonna focus on original Walt Disney Animation Company characters.
Our father-son duo are walking down Main Street towards the mall.
“Now this is gonna work!” Max says determinedly. “All I need is some power tools.”
“Power tools?” Goofy gulps nervously.
“Don’t worry! I got an A in Wood Shop! Well, only because the teacher didn’t care about his job and just gave us whatever.”
“You know what? I’ve grown attached to this boat. Imma just leave-” Goofy takes one step then Max grabs his free hand.
“Don’t be such a baby! Come on!” He drags his protesting and kicking father through the sliding doors.
Unbeknownst to them, about a block away, the Warner siblings have arrived in the big city. In a more desperate fever than before, they started to mindlessly destroy everything they come across. Even if they weren’t looking for the boat in that area. Supposed it’s to let off some steam from their failed attempts.
Yakko is tearing up the shiny pavement under his feet at a speed that would put Sonic to shame. Followed by Dot, who’s moving on all fours. She pounces on a fire hydrant and removes it from its screws. Causing a fountain of uncontrollable water to spew. Wakko is throwing trash cans left and right after searching inside them. He spins like Taz then throws one directly at a billboard that says “Keep the City Clean!” All the while, they were laughing like (for lack of a better term) maniacs.
Across the street, Princess Tiana and Prince Naveen were cleaning the outside of Tiana’s restaurant when they heard the commotion.
“Ain’t that the Warner siblings?” Tiana asks, watching the siblings go into Vinny’s Flower Shop.
“Those weirdos from the Warner Brothers’ water tower?” Naveen says. “What are they doing here?”
Seconds later, the couple jump back against the window when they witness the small flower shop crumble like a cookie. Then the rubble explodes, forming a small mushroom cloud.
“What the-?! IT’S A WARNER TEMPER TANTRUM!” The prince yells.
“GET INSIDE!” Tiana orders. The couple runs into their haven and locks the door behind them. They closed the drapes on the front window.
“Quick! Help me bolt the-” Tiana didn’t even get to finish her sentence because the door is repeatedly being broken down. She falls into her husband’s arms.
They both watch helplessly as the busted door falls on the floor. The middle child Warner stands in the doorway with a mallet.
“Helloooooo, babycakes!” Wakko greets her. “I’ll take 50 pippin’ hot beignets and a toy boat to go please.” He says politely but he was lifting the hammer on the last word. The couple cry in fear for their lives.
His sister, meanwhile, was interrogating the so-called Fifth Spirit.
“It doesn’t have to be this way. Just tell me what you know about the boat.” Dot says in a stern but calm manner.
“I told you, I don’t know what you’re talking about!” Elsa creates shards of ice and sends it hurling toward the little girl.
Dot takes out a handheld flamethrower out of thin air to melt the ice attack before it can even touch her. Elsa is flabbergasted at the fact a small kid like her has that on her person. This is her first encounter with a Warner.
Nonetheless, she continues to send a blizzard towards her while Dot brings the heat. It’s a brilliant clash of fire and ice until Dot’s flames consumes her ice power once more. The fire inches closer and closer to Elsa. She falls back into the ground before it could burn her.
“You wanna try that again?” Dot asks. Elsa stumbles back up and creates an ice slide below her feet to escape.
”No really! Let’s do it again! I had it on the lowest setting!” Dot adds, chasing after her.”
Lastly, Princes Aladdin and Eugene were running from the chaos until Yakko grabs an ankle from each of them. Causing them both to collide into the road.
“Come on, help a brother out. You must know about the latest crimes.” He pulls them closer by their ankles. “Considering you’re ex con-men.”
Both men free themselves from his grasp. “Technically, I’ve never been convicted anything,” Eugene adds.
Aladdin stands up angrily. “That does it! I’m going to-” he pats himself down then feels his blood run cold. “My sword is missing!”
Eugene stands and checks his person too. “Mine is too!”
“Oh, you mean these?” Yakko asks, posing with said weapons. In a cruel twist of irony, the robbers were robbed. “Now, you’re gonna help or not?”
The two men run away like headless chickens. Yakko growls before taking off. This may be the first time he’s frustrated chasing someone.
In the hardware store, Handy Manny’s, the cashier just finished ringing up the Goofs assortment of state-of-the-art power tools.
“That’ll be $112.87.”
“Alright.” The duo says simultaneously. “Pay the man, Dad/son. What? Me?!”
“I don’t have $112!”
“Well, I don’t have my wallet and you didn’t say we were going to the mall! Plus, this was your idea, I expected you to pay!”
“I’m 14!”
“That’s a legal working age!”
“Not this again, Dad!”
The owner, Manny, put a stop to this commotion by clearing his throat. “Excuse me. Are you two going to pay or not?”
“Fraid not.” Goofy answers. In the next minute, they were kicked out of the store so fast, the impact left skid marks on their butts.
“That was just plain rude!” Goofy scolds.
“Now what are we going to do? I’m out of ideas!” Max tells him.
“Pete has that same wrench we saw in the store.” Max looks at him with wide eyes.
“Are you kidding me?! Why didn’t you say something 20 minutes ago?”
“As I said, you surprised me with this plan!”
“No, I mean while we still at the-” Max groans pulling down his ears. “Forget it! Let’s just talk to Pete!”
They gather themselves up and walk toward the exit of the store. On the way, they pass by a home media store with TVs in the display windows. When they are out of earshot, the screens glow red with a bold white font in the middle. It reads “Emergency Broadcast”.
“We interrupt this program to bring you this emergency report.” The Mouse himself says. Then the scene changes to him at a news reporter's desk.
“Good evening, my friends. Tragedy befalls on our homes. Yakko, Wakko, and Dot Warner, cartoons from rival studios Warner Bros. have caused complete mayhem on Disney property in a manner of…” He looks up and counts in his head “seven pages!”
Clips of the Warners' previous crimes against Disney were playing behind Mickey. “Half the city is already decimated. Resulting in property damage in the six, if not, seven digits!”
“Nothing we can’t afford, Mickey.” His sweetheart, Minnie, says on his right. “It’s the terrorizing of innocent characters and the lives they have endangered that is most important. For instance, Merlin the wizard is resting uncomfortably with third degree burns. Several animals from the Pridelands, including Simba, are seriously injured.”
“That too, I guess. We go live to Donald Duck in the heart of the city. Donald?”
“Mickey, it is mass hysteria down here!” Donald screech into the microphone. Behind him were characters running up and down in a frenzy in a barren wasteland.
In the background, you can make out what some of the characters screaming.
“I’m scarred for life!” Piglet screech.
“¡Están locos, te lo digo!” Panchito cries out.
“What did we do?!” Gaston screams.
“It’s like the apocalypse finally happened!” Donald says. He then gets trampled by a handful of unruly citizens. The camera pans down at a flattened duck with footprints all over his body.
“Let’s see what these other characters have to say.” He weakly says.
The report cuts to various interviews with different characters.
“It’s hell right now! I thought we were safe here!” Quasimodo says.
“They keep asking about a boat but no one knows what they’re talking about!” Ariel adds. “But if you tell them that, they attack anyway!”
“They are completely mad!” The Mad Hatter rages. “And not like all silly and nonsensical in a charming way like myself or my friends. I mean sociopathic, straight-jacket cuckoo! Those… those… whatever they are!”
“I’ve never seen them this emotional. This isn’t like them at all.” Snow White declares.
“You’re defending them?” Donald scolds.
“Look, I know the Warners. They visited me on set many times while my movie was still in production. They don’t usually act out unless provoked. True, their methods are unorthodox. But something awful must have happened to them to cause this kind of reaction.”
The Warners themselves pop out of her bust like a jack-in-a-box. Hiding in her dress to search (I hope).
“See! She gets it!” Dot exclaims.
“She’s so precious!” Wakko gushes, pinching her cheek. “Now I feel bad for robbing the Dwarfs.”
“You what?!”
“No animosity toward them, Snow. It’s just business.” Yakko states. They all give her big sloppy kisses on her face. Snow White removes them from her dress then drops them on the concrete.
“I take it back. Dwarfs!” She cries as she runs. “Doc! Grumpy!”
“What a hypocrite. You’ve had weirder kisses!” Yakko screams after her.
“You three!” Donald cries. “I outta teach you a lesson!” He rolls up his sleeves.
“Mr. Duck, we ain’t in school. I don’t know why you trying to teach me.” Yakko calmly retorts.
He jumps up and down with ire. “That’s not what I meant!!”
The Warners share a knowing glance. Their smiles are wide and mischievous. “I know. Go ahead. Take the first shot.” Yakko smirks, turning his cheek toward him.
Donald is confused about him just giving himself up. But when is he gonna have a free shot like this. He throws a punch. But, in his cartoonish fashion, misses and spins around when he does.
As he’s spinning, the siblings take out their mallets from their individual hammerspaces and bonk him on the head mercilessly.
“Stop wasting our time!” Yakko demands. Then the Warners leave him like that.
“Donald? Donald?” Mickey calls out to him from the station. “Ok, while Donald rests, I’m issuing a company-wide Red Alert. Please stay indoors if you can while we find a solu-“
“Well! It’s about time we met the Mister and Missus!” Yakko cuts him off, the siblings appearing in front of them. The mice hug each other in fear while pondering how the hell they got here so fast.
“Not quite, Yakko.” Dot states in a mocking tone. “They’re not married!”
Yakko bursts out laughing. “What?! You’ve been beating around the bush with the same girl for 90 years?!”
“And Minnie knows he has commitment issues and yet she still stays with him! You know it’s about the money!” Dot adds. The two lean on each other while boisterously laughing. The two mice let go of each other and growl at the children in fury and embarrassment.
“Hey, Mickey,” Wakko pulls out a color wheel that has various shades of blue. “Based on this chart, what color is it down there?”
Both he and Dot double over with laughter. Yakko blows a kiss to the camera. “Goodnight, everybody!”
“Did you just come here to mock us?” Mickey says annoyed.
“No, they’re right. Let’s get back at the task at hand.” Wakko says calming down. “Run them pockets!” He screeches before pouncing on the Mickey, making a fighting dust cloud. Minnie tries to run but the other two siblings grab her arms then join the cloud. They lose signal before it gets ugly.
Back in the suburbs, Pete was in paranoia preparing the whole house for war. Rations, weapons, ammo, his entertainment system so he won’t get bored.
“P.J! Find a way to come home, right now!” Pete yells on his cell phone. “I know what’s going on! But I can’t bulletproof the house on my own! Just sneak outside and pray you don’t get jumped!”
The doorbell rings scaring the bejebus out of him. “I’ll call you back.” Pete walks over to his front door with many lock systems. He cautiously looks through his peephole. He is both relieved and annoyed to see it’s just his neighbors.
After a moment of unlocking his locks, he opens the door. “Goof! Are you daft, man! You shouldn’t be outside!” He pulls both of them inside and slams the door.
“Where’s the war, Mr. Pete?” Max asks, astonished by the inside.
“Come on, I know you guys aren’t this slow!” But Pete takes a second glance at their confused faces.
“We’re on Red Alert, numbskulls! The world’s gone to hell and it isn’t my time to go yet!”
Goofy just laughs. “Red Alert? Pete, that’s preposterous! We haven’t been on Red Alert since World War II. Besides, I haven’t seen anything warranting a Red Alert.” Pete’s face just falls in disbelief.
“By the way, can we borrow your wrench? I’m kinda stuck?” Goofy raises his boat hand.
Pete growls. He’s done talking sense into these idiots. It’s every man for himself right now. “Fine!” He goes to open a toolbox on the floor then shoves the wrench in Goofy’s hand. Follow by him shoving them both out and slamming the door shut. Without putting the locks back.
“That was oddly generous of him.” Goofy comments.
“Dad, you really think Pete was bluffing about the Red Alert thing?” Max asks as they walk home.
“Son, this is the happiest place on earth. And we would have seen something dangerous by now if it was real.” Goofy concludes by closing the door behind him.
Mere seconds later, the Warners stomp down the street and up Pete’s front steps. They bang on the door. Pete angrily opens the door without checking the peephole.
“I thought I told you to-!” he chokes on his own words.
“Were you expecting someone else?” Yakko grins. They roughly push him inside. Dot slams the door shut.
“Ooo, he got rations!” Wakko cheers, licking his lips.
“Can we play with the rifles?” Dot asks.
“Later. Sibs spread and search!” The younger siblings spilt up and immediately start breaking and throwing stuff around.
“Hey! Stop!”
Pete runs forward but Yakko displays his true strength by tackling the huge cat toon to the ground. Kneeing him in the back and holding down his shoulders. Pete spazzes and curses under the fourteen-year-old. Yakko quickly pulls out a pair of handcuffs from his pockets to restrain him. Then he uses a sock to tie it around his mouth.
“Stay out of this!” Yakko demands. His siblings stop their pillaging for a moment to watch the scene unfold in confusion.
“Why do you keep handcuffs on your person, Yak?” Wakko asks.
“All the stunts we pulled today but that made you stop and ask questions? Back to work!”
And back to it they go. They completely destroy Pete’s preparations and entertainment system in a matter of minutes.
Yakko tears through his boxes of grenades. Unsatisfied, he throws box after box behind him, all of them blowing up on impact. Some of them destroy Pete’s bowling trophies. Wakko pokes around the rations and instead of throwing it wherever like his brother, he eats them; box included. Dot gets to use the rifles after all. Yet, she doesn’t shoot anything because she doesn’t know how to load it. Instead, she swings it like a hammer, smashing Pete’s TV and his stereos to look behind and inside its circuits. All while Pete watched helplessly, whimpering through his gag.
“Well?” Yakko asks among the wreckage.
Wakko pushes down a bookshelf of Pete’s movie collection. “It ain’t here, Yakko!”
“Maybe it’s time to cut our losses, Yakko.” Dot says, being serious for a moment. She throws the rifle she was using through a window, still looking at Yakko. “We’ve been at this all day! And there hasn’t been any sign of your toy boat.”
“Mmf Mhmf?” Pete repeats through the gag. He flips himself so that he’s on his back. He struggles to sit up then he thrashes his neck around to free his mouth.
The Warners don’t even notice. “That’s quitting talk, Dot!” Yakko seizes her shoulders and lifts her up to his level. He shakes her vigorously. Dot could feel her brain rattling inside.
“I raised you better than that! We’re finding my boat even if we have to wipe this money-hungry company off the face of the earth!”
He drops her and points to the front door. “Now, both of you, get out there! We got beloved icons to torture.”
“We don’t even know if it’s still at Disney!” Wakko clarifies.
Pete frees himself from the gag. “Hold it! I know the whereabouts of your precious boat.” He smiles a devious smile.
“Choose your next words carefully.” The siblings warn him all at once.
Goofy was leaning over the coffee table, his boat hand stretched out. Max was turning the wrench on the boat.
“It’s lefty-loosey, righty-tighty, son.”
“I got it!”
The doorbell suddenly rings.
“Who could that be?” Max asks.
“Probably my agent landing me another gig.”
“You have an agent?”
“Why is everyone so surprised when I say that? Tell him I’m busy.” Max gets up as Goofy attempts to use his non-dominant hand for the wrench.
Max opens the door. “My dad’s busy now. Can you-” his heart drops into the pit of his stomach. He looks as if he saw Death himself. He might as well have because he (finally!) meets the Warner Brothers and the Warner Sister.
“Helloooooo, cutie!” Yakko greets him with zero shame. He leans his arm on the doorway, all cool and composed. His younger siblings, grins wide and scary as the Cheshire Cat, looked ready to pounce on the other toon. But they follow Yakko’s composed example; just to add to the tension. Their arms loosely wrapped around their brother’s waist.
“Your neighbor told me you have something of mine.”
Even though Max is a good foot taller, the Disney toon feels small and weak just by the weight of his words. He did a double-take back at his dad to confirm Yakko’s suspicions. His heart goes back into place and slowly starts to thump. He can pinpoint the moment his brain shut down. But his muscles did receive the signal to slowly close the door and lock it.
His brain switches on and into hyperdrive. Everything falls into place; the Warners, the boat, the Red Alert. His heart rate increases, the adrenaline floods into his body. And then-
“DAD! THAT BOAT BELONGS TO YAKKO WARNER!!”
Adrenaline floods into Goofy’s body too as he shoots up five feet into the air then lands on his back onto the coffee table, breaking it in half.
“WARNER?!” He screams back, not worrying about the table. “TO THE BUNKER!” Before Max can say “what bunker?”, Goofy drags him with his free hand to another location of the house.
The siblings during this were forcing themselves inside. Loosening the door from its hinges.
“Just break it!”
“I got it! I got it!”
“Let me at him!”
The three tear the door off of its hinges and enter the now deserted living room.
“We missed them!” Dot says.
“Wait!” Wakko calls out. Using his canine abilities, he sniffs the broken coffee table. Ironic acting like a dog to find two dogs. He sniffs the air and finds the scent.
“They’re still in the house. Follow me!”
The bunker Goofy mentioned is really the attic.
“Dad, bunkers are underground,” Max whispers in the darkness.
“That’s the genius of it, Max. They’ll never suspect us here.”
“Ughh, you’ve killed us either way. You single-handedly brought misery to the happiest place on earth.”
“Hey, nice tie-in to the summary.”
“This is serious!”
“Hey, lower your voice! It’s not like I stole the boat on purpose! Maybe I can reason with them….”
“Reason?! They can’t be reasoned with! They’re stubborn, war-hungry, intolerable psychopaths!”
“They’re just kids. Plus, isn’t the oldest your age?”
“You’re just proving my point!”
The Warners found them easy and were listening in on the whole thing below.
“Wow, dumber than advertised.” Dot comments.
“I don’t know about you sibs, but uhhhhh, I’m ready to end this dumb fanfiction. Wakko, if you would?” Yakko asks.
“With pleasure, big brother.” He takes out his signature gag bag from his hammerspace and pokes around inside it. He pulls out an extremely long hacksaw where the tip of it touches the ceiling. He shoves it through the ceiling.
“What was that?!” Max asks in vain. Wakko cuts a hole underneath the duo. The three watches them fall at their feet.
“AHHH!”
“EEEEE-HOO-HOO-HOUY!!”
Among the debris, they look up at the siblings looking down at them with ominous gleams in their eyes.
“Wait! Let me explain.” Goofy begins, sitting up.
“Why bother? We’re just psychos that can’t be reasoned with.” Dot sneers, looking at Max. The teen himself cowers away a few inches.
“Please! Your problem is with me! Do what you want! But leave my son out of this!” Both he and Max let out a shout when Yakko, without hesitation, grabs Goofy’s hand with the still in-tact boat attached to it.
He uses his other hand to twist it. “Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey!”
The funnel is unattached from Goofy with a satisfying pop! The father and son marvel at how effortlessly he did that. Goofy wiggles his freed fingers in relief.
“Happy now, Yakko?” Dot asks.
Yakko kisses the side of his long-lost boat. “Ecstatic!” He says sincerely, hugging it. “Thanks, sibs!”
“Awwwww!” Dot and Wakko say as they hug him at the waist. Then they both leap into Goofy’s arms.
“Thank you for keeping our brother’s boat safe, Goofy!” Wakko says.
“Yeah! We almost slit a couple of throats looking for it!” Dot tells him. They both kiss a cheek on his astounded face.
“Ewww,” Goofy quietly says. “I mean, you should be thanking my son Maxie here. He’s been helping get that boat off my hand all day!”
“Dad! Don’t tell them that!” He shouts, not wanting to get kissed. Too late; Yakko grabs his cheeks with one hand and pulls him in close.
“Thanks, Maxie!” He says all sweet. He kisses him full on the mouth.
Max spits on the ground furiously. “Aww, Phft! Phft! Wait, is this Spearmint?!” He pauses to say when he tastes mint. “He was waiting to do that!”
Yakko just grins that smart-aleck grin. “Let’s go home, siblings. Can’t cause any more property damage here.” Dot and Wakko retreat to their brother’s side.
“Oh, and Goofy. Tell your mouse friend if he ever wants to go to war because of this, the Warner Studios are fully prepared.” He says in an almost threatening tone. Goofy gulps nervously. If there ever was the slightest chance of another Disney/Warner Bros. merger movie, despite their personal opinions on each other. The Warner siblings obliterated it.
Then the three of them turn around on their heels. “Got a tramp steamer, my ship’s called Hal.” Yakko sings brightly.
“Forty miles on the Panama Canal.” His siblings answer back. The siblings happily sing as they exit the house. Leaving the duo literally floored over this whole ordeal.
“That was anticlimactic, huh Max?” Goofy says.
“That’s not the weirdest thing about this, Dad.” He and Goofy stand up and dust themselves off.
“This was the perfect setup for us to get mauled in the end. But when the Warners got their boat back, they didn’t even lay a finger on us!” Max points out. “It’s unlike them to not be violent!”
“Usually something bad happens to me at this point. Ayuk, Fate must have decided to give me a break.”
“Haha, yeah. Wait. Didn’t they mention property damage?” Max asks. They both walk downstairs to check it out; with clear and staggered eyes, they see an inkling of the damage caused by the Warners’ tantrum that they have been missing all day.
Not only is their door is off the hinges and in pieces, but their fence is broken. To their right, they can see Pete’s broken window from where they’re standing.
“So that’s what it feels like to see damage I didn’t cause.” Goofy answers.
Bruised Donald and Mickey were in their ruined front yard. “Goofy!” They run up to their friend. The cameraman from their station recording.
“We saw the Warners leaving your house! Are you alright!” Mickey asks, putting the microphone in his face.
“Yes, everyone, I’m fine. You see, it was all a big misunderstanding.” So Goofy recounts his sleep-eating, his hand getting stuck to the boat, and his and Max’s attempts to remove it.
“And then they took the boat and left.” Goofy concludes.
As for Donald and Mickey, they didn’t look relieved that their nightmare is finally over. In fact, they look furious.
“So, you mean to tell me, this is your fault?!” Donald spits out with ire.
“I-well- when you put it that way. I guess.”
“This whole apocalypse wouldn’t have happened if he had just butted out of the Warners’ business!” Pete, free from his bounds, steps outside and adds coals to the flames. Presumably, the Warners set him free before going to Goofy.
Various Disney characters show up in front of Goofy’s house to glare and complain. They’re raising their pitchforks and lighting their torches.
“But Max and I drove them out of town! Doesn’t that count for anything?!”
“Uhhh, Dad?” Max says as a warning sign for him to stop talking.
Pretty soon, Max and Goofy are running down the street with an old fashioned angry mob at their heels. Princes and princesses, magical creatures and wizards, and anthropomorphic animals. All were chasing and cursing the poor dogs.
“I’m sorry. What was that you said about Fate giving us a break?!” Max yells at him.
“At least things will go back to normal from here! Faster, Maxie!” Goofy demands as the mob chase them into the sunset.