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It’s been eight years since Sykkuno found out that he doesn’t have a soulmate. Well, it’s not so much that he doesn’t have one, as it is that his soulmate is dead. So, really, Sykkuno had a soulmate, and then they died by the time Sykkuno was celebrating his 18th birthday. Some would call it tragic, while others would tell him that he doesn’t need a soulmate to be happy. He’s heard both sentiments over the years, though neither have been particularly comforting.
And he’s fine with it, he is. Growing up, Sykkuno was bullied a lot and didn’t have many friends. He’d held onto some hope over the years that there was someone out there for him to love, but it hadn’t necessarily come as a surprise when he discovered that fate had other things in store for him. In spite of this unfortunate revelation, Sykkuno’s life actually continued to improve over the years to the point where he could go days or even weeks without even thinking about his lack of a soulmate. He has a lot of friends now, and he’s so grateful to have that in his life that he almost doesn’t miss the fact that he doesn’t have a soulmate. Almost.
Unfortunately, there are still times when the reality of his situation hits particularly hard. In this case, it happens to be a wedding between two of his closest friends, both of whom he adores. But there’s nothing like a celebration of love and soulmates to hammer home the fact that Sykkuno will never experience the same. Thankfully he isn’t a cynical person.
A soft knock at his bedroom door startles Sykkuno out of his thoughts.
“Hey, are you almost ready to go?” Corpse asks as he gently pushes open the door, sticking his head into the room.
“Uh, yeah, I think so?”
Sykkuno smiles at Corpse, hoping that he doesn’t notice anything is off.
They’d met in college and became fast friends in the first couple months of knowing one another. Corpse had dropped out of college to pursue his music career after a year, but they remained close while Sykkuno finished his Masters degree. Branching out in LA on your own was a daunting task, though, and so it had only seemed natural for them to move in and rent a place together. Two years later, they were still in the same place, but Sykkuno couldn’t have been happier.
“You look nice,” Corpse says, giving him and obvious once-over.
Sykkuno ducks his head, embarrassed, and reaches up to fix his hair. “Thanks, so do, um-- so do you.”
Corpse gives him one of his rare soft smiles, making Sykkuno’s stomach flip.
“Thanks, Sy. I think I’ve got everything ready to go. Do you want to drive to the church, or...?”
“I’ll drive us there, and you can drive us home. Is that okay?”
“Sounds good to me.”
Corpse guides Sykkuno out the door with a gentle hand to his lower back, and he feels the heat of it long after Corpse pulls away.
***
The church is only about twenty minutes from their place, but even arriving early doesn’t secure them seats at the front. Sykkuno is pretty sure that Rae or Toast would have tried to save them a spot, but he knows that Corpse prefers to be out of the spotlight as much as possible. He isn’t a fan of being out in public to begin with, never mind crowded into a church filled with a bunch of other people.
“Sometimes I’m surprised that god doesn’t strike me down just for attempting to enter a church,” Corpse whispers to him as they look for a place to sit.
Sykkuno lets out a giggle as he scans the aisle for an appropriate place. “He would never dare. The world would be lost without you.”
“Yeah, maybe yours would be. But not many others.”
It’s a joke, one that Sykkuno has heard before, but he thinks that Corpse has no idea how true that statement really is.
***
The ceremony is beautiful. Not that Sykkuno would expect anything less. Leslie and Edison have been waiting for this moment for nearly two years, and now that it’s arrived, it’s no surprise that they pulled all the stops to make it meaningful. Leslie is stunning, happiness and joy radiating from her in every way possible. And everyone’s eyes water as they watch Edison tearfully take both of Leslie’s hands into his own as she reaches the end of the aisle.
Sykkuno is so happy for his friends. He loves them with his entire heart, and is constantly grateful for their presence in his life. But at the same time, as much as he’s thrilled for them, sorrow wells up inside of him, knowing that he won’t ever have this himself. It hurts more than words can express right now. And Sykkuno hates himself just a little, for being so selfish at a time when he should be happy and celebrating with his friends.
A few stray tears slip down Sykkuno’s cheeks as Leslie and Edison recite their vows, and he closes his eyes for a moment to try and get a hold of his emotions.
Beside him, Sykkuno feels Corpse shift, and before he realizes it, Corpse’s fingers are curling around his own. He doesn’t say anything to Sykkuno, just squeezes his hand gently like he knows what’s going through Sykkuno’s head. Maybe he does. Sometimes Sykkuno thinks that Corpse knows him better than anyone else in the entire world.
He holds Sykkuno’s hand for the rest of the ceremony. Neither of them acknowledge it.
***
By the time they get to the reception, Sykkuno is feeling a little less distraught about his situation. Corpse holding his hand helped, in the same way that being surrounded by his friends as they eat their dinner now helps.
Toast is in the middle of telling some elaborate story about something that happened a week ago. Sykkuno hasn’t really been paying much attention to him, just grateful to be surrounded by chatter that distracts him from his own thoughts.
“Okay, but that’s not even close to how that happened and you know it,” Rae accuses, pointing a finger in Toast’s direction.
“You weren’t even there, what are you talking about?”
“What do you mean I wasn’t there?” Rae says, voice starting to rise, as it often does when she gets worked up. “I was literally there the entire time, what the fuck? Poki, tell him I was there.”
“I mean, I think you were there...?”
“What? What do you mean you think I was there? We came to the party together. Am I invisible? Can literally no one see me? Do I need to run around all parties screaming at the top of my lungs so everyone knows I’m there?”
“Please don’t do that,” Toast says. “You’re loud enough as it is.”
The rest of the table bursts out laughing as Rae sputters in protest. Sykkuno smiles but doesn’t say anything. He’s not sure he has anything useful to contribute anyway.
From his left, he feels Corpse knock his knee gently against Sykkuno’s leg, and he turns to look at him. Even wearing his mask, Sykkuno can see the concern in his eyes.
“You’re kinda quiet,” Corpse says softly into his ear.
Sykkuno nods. “I guess I just don’t have much to say right now.”
“Are you-- is everything okay, Sykkuno?”
“Yeah, I’m fine Corpse, thank you.” He hates lying, but doesn’t want to get into it right now. Why bring anyone else down when it’s supposed to be a happy occasion? Corpse doesn’t look like he quite believes him, but at least he doesn’t push the issue, which Sykkuno is grateful for.
***
Corpse has never shown Sykkuno his soulmate tattoo, nor has he ever really talked about it, except to acknowledge that he has one. As close as they’ve become over the last 5 years, it’s one of the few topics they’ve never really broached. In some ways, Sykkuno is grateful to be able to avoid that conversation. He’s spent most of the past decade of his life avoiding answering questions about his soulmate from friends and colleagues, and Corpse has never been one to push any potentially controversial topic that Sykkuno isn’t enthusiastically on board with discussing. It’s one of the many amazing things about him that Sykkuno appreciates.
The problem with this, though, is two fold. For starters, Sykkuno might actually be a tad bit in love with Corpse. It wasn’t exactly something he intended to happen, but regardless of intention, it happened anyway. He’s had crushes in the past, even since he realized he didn’t have a soulmate, but they’d never come close to the way he feels about Corpse. Which leads to the second unfortunate part of this equation: the fact Corpse clearly has a soulmate, and that his soulmate is clearly not Sykkuno. Logically, it’s only a matter of time, then, until Corpse meets his soulmate and moves on.
Unfortunately, these are all thoughts that have been swirling in Sykkuno’s mind on and off all day, and it hasn’t helped with his overall mood.
Thankfully, Sykkuno is pretty sure that no one has noticed that he’s a little off today, aside from Corpse. And Corpse won’t call him out on it, at any rate.
***
It turns out that maybe Sykkuno was wrong about Corpse after all. At least in this particular instance.
“Hey, can I borrow you for a sec?”
Sykkuno slows his dancing and turns to face Corpse, whose eyes are dark and concerned.
“Uh, yeah? Sure. I could probably use a break from dancing anyway.”
He waves at Rae, Janet and Poki before following Corpse off the dance floor, and out of the reception hall entirely. They don’t talk as Corpse leads them down the hallway of the hotel and out the front door into the darkness of the evening. The air is warm, but it still feels oddly cool against Sykkuno’s sweaty skin.
Corpse leads them to a bench off to the side of the hotel that is well lit and seems to offer more privacy than anywhere within the hotel. He sits down, and so Sykkuno follows his lead, wondering what’s going on.
“So, you know that you don’t have to talk to me about anything,” Corpse starts, finally. “But I know you’re upset about something, and I wanted to let you know that I’m here. If you want to talk or you just need someone to listen.”
“Thank you, Corpse. I know. I just--” Sykkuno trails off, because he doesn’t know how to finish the sentence, and because his throat suddenly feels tight.
“I’m sorry... That things are rough for you right now. I wish, uh, that I could make it better for you somehow.”
I do too, Sykkuno thinks. And: You already have. Out loud he says, “It’s fine. I mean, maybe it’s not. But it will be. Please-- you don’t have to worry about me.”
“I just wanted to make sure you know that I’m here for you, and that you can tell me anything. But only if you want to.”
“I know.”
Silence falls between them for a few moments as people walk slowly through the parking lot, pulling their suitcases behind them. Sykkuno takes the opportunity to watch a few bugs flying around the light at the top of the nearest lamp post, and weighs whether or not he should say anything. This might be the only chance to discuss this soulmate business -- at least organically and without making it incredibly awkward. Maybe it’d be easier just to rip that bandaid off and move forward.
A few more minutes pass before Sykkuno hears himself speak, almost without any conscious thought. “Do you ever think about meeting your soulmate?”
“Every single day.”
“Really?” Sykkuno glances over at Corpse in surprise. He’s never heard Corpse talk about his soulmate before today.
“Yeah... don’t you?”
“No.I mean, I do. But, uh, but there isn’t-- I try not to. Mostly.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah...”
Corpse is quiet for so long that Sykkuno thinks maybe the conversation is over. But then he clears his throat quietly. “Is it because-- Ah. Like, because you don’t want a soulmate, or ‘cause you don’t want that particular person, or, um...?”
“No, nothing like that. Not that I’d know either way, though, I guess. It’s because I don’t, uh-- I don’t have one.”
“Wait, what do you mean you don’t have a soulmate?” Corpse’s eyes widen, and Sykkuno feels like his heart is being torn in two.
“No. They’re, uh--” the word comes out barely above a whisper “--dead.”
“Holy fuck,” Corpse breathes out, but it doesn’t even seem like he’s even responding to Sykkuno. “Holy fucking shit, so that’s why...”
Which doesn’t make any sense at all to Sykkuno. “I-- what?”
“Sykkuno... Look, uh, I don’t know how to ask this, but...” Corpse is breathing heavily all of a sudden, like he just ran a marathon, and Sykkuno has no idea what’s going on, but his own anxiety is quickly starting to skyrocket.
“What’s going on, Corpse? Are you okay?
“No, I don’t... I’m not sure.”
“I don’t understand what’s happening.”
“Sykkuno, how do you know your soulmate is dead?”
He feels like he’s been punched right in the gut, like the wind has been completely knocked out of him, and he bends forward, placing his head into his hands for a second. “What?”
“How do you-- I’m sorry, I’m not trying to make you feel bad or anything, but I… Are you, like, absolutely certain that your soulmate is dead?”
“What kind of question is that? Of course I’m sure. My mark is a skull. The kind you only get when your soulmate isn’t alive any longer.”
Sykkuno feels a bit lightheaded and his whole body starts to shake. Corpse reaches a hand out to grip Sykkuno’s shoulder, and instinctively he turns to look up at him.
“Sykkuno-- I think I need to show you something,” Corpse says slowly.
***
They end up in one of the public bathrooms of the hotel, because Corpse says they need proper lighting. This particular bathroom is in another area, away from the wedding venue, presumably for more privacy. Sykkuno’s head is reeling, a million different thoughts running through his mind, and most of them aren’t good.
Once Corpse has ensured that there’s no one else in the bathroom, he turns the deadbolt, locking others out and keeping them inside.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“It’s fine, there are other bathrooms. We need the privacy right now.”
“Corpse, what’s going on?” Sykkuno asks, watching with raised eyebrows as Corpse stands in front of the mirror and starts to silently unbutton his dress shirt with clumsy fingers. Not knowing what else to do, Sykkuno just stands there in dumbfounded silence, watching Corpse’s fingers move across the buttons of his shirt until he stops, then reaches into his back pocket.
“Sykkuno-- you said your soul mark is a skull, right?” Corpse has his phone out now and starts typing something onto it, shirt still partially unbuttoned and untucked.
“Is this what it looks like?”
Sykkuno looks at the phone screen that Corpse is holding in front of his face, but Corpse is shaking so much that Sykkuno has to grip Corpse’s hand with both of his own in order to get a proper look.
“I mean, it’s similar, but not exactly.”
“Not exactly, or no?”
“Corpse, what are you talking about?”
“Sykkuno, the tattoo on the screen is the exact tattoo of people who have lost their soulmate to death. Everyone has the same one. The exact same one.”
Corpse looks more hysterical than Sykkuno feels, and that’s saying a lot, considering how panicked he’s starting to get. Sykkuno lets go of Corpse and reaches up to press his hands against the back of his neck instead, trying to slow his breathing.
“Mine doesn’t look like that, though.”
“I know. I know it doesn’t.”
“Wait, how do you know that?”
Corpse shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter right now. What matters is that I-- fuck, I should just show you mine.”
Before Sykkuno can even think of how to respond to that, Corpse lifts up his white undershirt to reveal his own soul mark, at the bottom of his rib cage underneath his heart.
The mark is a pair of green cat ears, with a green bean sprout in the middle, one leaf on either side. It’s very unique, but also incredibly specific. Corpse’s previous panic is suddenly starting to make sense to Sykkuno.
“That’s-- oh my god.” It’s him. It has to be him. Sykkuno owns an identical pair of cat ears, and his character in the online game they’ve played for months wears the bean sprout. Soul marks are incredibly specific, and it’s almost impossible to find two people who could be connected to the same one.
Even still, Sykkuno can’t quite believe what this could mean for him, or more importantly, what it could mean for them both.
“B-but... Mine’s a skull. That means my soulmate is dead. Right?”
“Okay, but what else could a skull represent?”
“Other than a dead body? I-- I don’t know.”
Corpse takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Sykkuno... what’s another word for a dead body?”
Sykkuno blinks, confused, before he’s hit with a sudden realization. “A corps... Oh Jesus. A-- a corpse. A Corpse. You. It’s you...?”
Tears are already running down Sykkuno’s face, and he’s pretty sure Corpse is crying too. Corpse’s soul mark is unmistakably about Sykkuno. Which means that Sykkuno is Corpse’s soulmate. And if Sykkuno’s own mark refers to a corpse and not actually a dead soulmate, that means... it means that Corpse is his soulmate. Corpse is Sykkuno’s soulmate. Holy fucking shit. How is this possible?
When the realization hits him, finally fully hits him -- the truth about his soul mark and about his very much still alive soulmate -- Sykkuno is flooded with such intense and overwhelming emotions that any pretense of keeping it together disappears, and he starts to sob from the weight of it all. For years he’d believed that he was destined to be alone forever, only to discover that he already knew his soulmate -- already loved him, even. How could he have been so stupid? So blind? So completely clueless?
Sykkuno feels Corpse’s arms come around him in an instant, holding him tightly as he sobs into Corpse’s chest, deep, heaving sobs. Corpse rubs soothing circles against his back and whispers calming words into his ear that he can’t process, but knows are an attempt at comforting him. He can feel Corpse shaking in his arms too, which only makes him grip Corpse tighter, as if it’s the only thing holding him together.
It takes several minutes for Sykkuno’s sobs to finally slow, and Corpse holds him through it all until he finally feels like he can breathe again.
“Corpse, I’m so sorry, I--”
“No. don’t apologize, Sykkuno. You have nothing to apologize for.”
He disagrees with that sentiment, but doesn’t push it. Pulling away from Corpse finally, he cringes when he sees the tear and snot stains on Corpse’s dress and under shirt.
“But I ruined your shirts. Both of them.”
Corpse laughs, dried tear tracks covering his own face. “They’re fucking shirts, man, I literally couldn’t care less. I only care about you.”
Sykkuno lets out a half-laugh, half-sob and pulls Corpse back in for one more fierce hug.
When Sykkuno pulls away and finally looks at himself in the mirror, he realizes that he’s an absolute mess. It looks like he’s been sobbing -- eyes red, face swollen -- and his hair is wild and unkempt. Plus, he’s so exhausted he can barely keep himself standing upright. There’s no way he can go back to the wedding reception looking and feeling like this.
Almost like he’s reading Sykkuno’s mind, Corpse says, “I think I’m gonna call Rae to bring us our stuff so we can head home.”
Rae doesn’t comment on their ragged appearance, or the fact that they’ve both clearly been crying when she meets them outside the hotel bathroom they’d barricaded themselves in. She just hands them their suit jackets, Sykkuno’s phone, tells them she loves them, and then promises to send best wishes to Leslie and Edison on their behalf.
Sykkuno reaches for Corpse’s hand as they walk out of the hotel towards the car, and is surprised when Corpse immediately threads their fingers together and tugs him closer. They have so much to talk about and so much to sort through. And Sykkuno feels like he could sleep for days with how physically and emotionally exhausted he is.
But they have time now. Time Sykkuno never thought he would ever have. And for that, he could never be more grateful.
The End.