Archive of Our Own ^beta

Needed:

2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 onion, diced
2 carrots, peeled and diced
2 stalks celery, diced
3 cloves garlic, minced
8 cups chicken stock
2 bay leaves
2 1/2 pounds bone-in, skinless chicken breasts
2 1/2 cups wide egg noodles
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley leaves
2 tablespoons chopped fresh dill
1 tablespoon freshly squeezed lemon juice, or more, to taste
Salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
Wastebin to dispose of original proffered recipe
Acetaminophen, dextromethorphan and doxylamine-based syrup (cherry flavor) (separate; do not combine with soup)

1. Melt butter in a large stockpot or Dutch oven over "medium" heat, per earlier trials with the stovetop dials. Add onion, carrots and celery. Cook, stirring occasionally, until tender, about 3-4 minutes. Stir in garlic until fragrant, about 1 minute.
2. Whisk in chicken stock and bay leaves; season with salt and pepper, to taste.
3. Disregard any and all attempts to distract from the task at hand. Should another occupant of the house engage you in conversation through a mouthful of celery scraps and onion skin, express your disinterest with a curt remark or frank silence. “Well screw you too,” is not an unexpected response; proceed as directed.
4.  Add chicken and bring to boil.
5. Address the clatter you hear upstairs and bring along the acetaminophen, dextromethorphan and doxylamine-based syrup (cherry flavor) in case another dose is necessary. His stuffed toy has nearly knocked his water glass askew; place the glass more securely on the bedstand. Test the side to see that it is still cool. Restore the toy to its position underneath his arm. 
6. If he is still deeply asleep, check the dosing instructions on the side of the bottle. Be certain the amount is correct.
7. Be certain.
8. Observe his breathing for any disruptions or irregularities. Watch closely. If you miss something, there is no one else to blame.
9. Address the boiled-off stock from the pot and its ruined contents. 
10. Using a wooden spatula, scrape the ruined contents of your travesty upon the culinary world into the wastebin. 
11. Start over. Just start over.
12. No; for stars’ sake, collect yourself, first. What are you doing? It’s only soup.
13.  
14.  
15. He's still asleep.
16.  
17. What are you doing?

Needed:

2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 onion, diced
2 carrots, peeled and diced
2 stalks celery, diced
3 cloves garlic, minced
8 cups chicken stock
2 bay leaves
2 1/2 pounds bone-in, skinless chicken breasts
2 1/2 cups wide egg noodles
2 tablespoons chopped fresh parsley leaves
2 tablespoons chopped fresh dill
1 tablespoon freshly squeezed lemon juice, or more, to taste
Salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste
Closed eyes (tight), for a passing moment, when given another occupant’s mellow yet unsolicited input such as “You’ll have better luck with Greg’s.” 
Undivided focus. Just concentrate.

1. Melt butter in a large stockpot again. Add onion, carrots and celery, again. Cook, stirring occasionally, (again), until tender, about 3-4 minutes. 
2. Whisk in chicken stock and bay leaves; season with salt and pepper, to taste. Add chicken and bring to boil.
3. Notice your unminced and unadded garlic sitting on the cutting board, still raw. Unbelievable. You can’t add it like that, not now, can you? It’s too late. You can’t even do this right. 
4.  Dump everything. Dump it all out again.

Needed:

2 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 onion, diced
2 carrots, peeled and diced
2 stalks celery, diced
3 cloves garlic, minced
8 cups chic

Needed: 

Wastebin containing earlier proffered recipe (stained)
Papertowel to wipe residue from said proffered recipe

Needed: 

1 small whole chicken (bones and skin and all)
1 large onion (whole)
1 lb carrots (cut into 1-2 inch pieces)
5-6 stalks celery, chopped (leaves left on)
3-4 large sprigs fresh dill
2-3 tablespoons chicken consomme, or bouillon, if Amethyst hasn’t eaten it all
Salt and pepper (to taste)
1 lb Kosher egg noodles. Break them into smaller bits if you want.

1. Place the chicken and the onion in a large stock pot. Fill with cold water and bring to simmer. Don’t leave.
2. Use a spoon to skim the produced inedible froth from the top of the broth before adding in carrots, celery, dill, salt and pepper.
3. Simmer partially covered for an hour, hour and a half, something like that. Endure the uncertainty of the direction. 
4. Watch for it to begin to fall apart. That’s when it’s close.
5. Exclaim when he stumbles blearily down the stairs. Try to usher him back to bed and resist the urge to steer him by the shoulders. Yes; he is okay; he just needs the restroom. Stop crowding him. 
6. Fidget with the syrup on the counter. Check the dosing instructions once more.
7. Concentrate. You can’t afford to start over again.
8. Remove the chicken from the pot and place onto a clean plate. Add in egg noodles and cook as directed on the package, or until tender. 
9. Use your instruments of choice to carefully remove the chicken meat from the bone. Make certain pieces are bite-sized and impossible to choke upon. Make certain.
10. Add the meat back to the soup. Let stand. 
11. Look up as he returns, scrubbing his eyes. It smells good, he says; yes, he’s hungry, he thinks? The medicine makes it hard to tell. He had strange dreams. 
12. Gently but sternly herd him back to bed with 1 bowl soup, 1 spoon, and 1 napkin. When you check him for fever, try not to jostle his elbow; he will spill some on his pajamas regardless. 
13. It’s good, he says.