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Amanda
My father’s voice telling me “Don’t be fragile like a flower, be fragile like a bomb,” was running through my head on an endless loop. I could hear the deep grovel of his voice of years of cuban cigars with the sharp smell of fresh Russo-Baltique Vodka on his lips. As I lean back in my leather seat I close my eyes and I am back in his office.
With my father sitting behind his deep walnut desk with its intricate carvings each with their own complex meaning. I look to the side and see one of the wolves howling to the full moon. I was always told it was there to remind everyone who comes that he is the alpha. I snort, no one was stupid enough to think he was anything less than in charge at all times. There on the top with the map of Russia. As we spread our territory, more of it got filled in. The biggest and most magnificent one however is on the very front. It is of three swords crossing each one as deadly at the next. Those are the ones that will always be closest to my heart, those are the ones for me and my brothers.
“Look up,” My father snapped and I whipped my head up. “A woman that looks down is weak because they can’t bear to meet the eye of the man in front of them. A real woman already knows that she is better than the man in front of her and is proud to show him this.”
“Yes father,” I say and try not to roll my eyes. I heard all of his sayings thousands of times and each time he says them like they are the one thing that will change my life forever.
“I know you think of me as your poor old father who is burned out, but there are still things that I can teach you.” He says leaning back in the monster that is his chair. It is a tall leather thing with sides that come far over his head, it always reminded me more of a throne. Everytime someone asks him where he got it the story changes, but my personal favorite was that he won it in a duel with a royal of a small unknown country - considering my father it seemed quite possible.
A small smirk comes across my face and I lean forward with my elbows on my knees. My long blond braid falls to one side and my hazel eyes look at him right in the eyes. “I sure hope so old man, I’m not ready to deal with all these small, angry people on my own.”
“I am pretty sure you just described both of us,” he says dryly, but I see the glint of humor in his eyes.
These moments always made me think about what my mother must have been like. My father has never looked at a woman in my life, everything has always been about me and work. So what woman could have been enough to pull away his undivided attention.
All of the sudden I wasn’t in my father’s office anymore, the deeper into sleep I was getting the more my head wanted to punish me. I was now sitting in the bed next to his hospital bed. I can see the machines with their flashing lights and complicated monitors all around us. I can smell cleaning supplies and a scent that can only be associated with death.
There is my father lying unmoving on the crisp clean hospital bed in one of those awful robes they force him to wear. He was always said to be a handsome man, not tall, but handsome. With his sharp cheekbones, golden bold hair that is always reflecting the light even in the darkest of night, and gorgeous hazel eyes that when you look into them feel like he can see into your soul. I reach for his hand but, it is so cold to the touch that it makes me want to pull away. I can’t though.
The bullet wasn’t a normal bullet, no, it was a poisonous one. We have always had a lot of enemies, but never one who went to these lengths to kill one of us. I know that the doctors are coming in and out, maybe even talking to me, but all I can hear are shallow dying breaths of my beloved father.
I was sleeping when I felt a small tap on my shoulder. I reach for the knife tucked into the back of my pants and spin around so it is pushed against the throat of the person waking me up. That’s when I realize that it is my father.
A tiny smile spread on his face and he looks me in the eye. “I’m glad to see I have taught you well,” he chokes out and I see how much pain it causes.
“Shush. Save your breath,” I say, though I know it is futile. He never listened to a word I had to say when he got an idea into his head.
“Let’s not fool ourselves here. We both know that this is the end, youre not stupid,” I want him to stop, but I know better than to interrupt him. “I need you to promise me something.”
“Anything,” I whisper, clutching his hand - it felt like paper against my skin.
“You need to promise to protect your brothers. I know you have never met them, but you know where they are and what you have to do. I am not saying go now, I am saying that I need to know that when you are needed you will go.” He says this with so much pain in his voice that I want to break down and cry right there.
“I promise, I promise father, I promise” I say this into his chest as I hear the heart monitor slow down and stop. I allowed myself exactly one minute to cry before I get up and get back to my life.
All of the world slid sideways and I knew in that moment this wasn’t a dream anymore, it was a nightmare. All I could see was the never ending abuse of darkness. It felt like a blanket weighing down my chest - no matter how hard I fought I couldn’t get up, I was stuck, slowly sinking. At that moment I really thought I was going to die.
Then I was pushed forward and I was in the memory I hoped I could bury and never think about again. Sadly my life never works that way.
All around me was the ally behind E’s club. It look and felt the same as it always did. The rough walls of the brick and stone where they pushed me up and kissed me for the first time. I can hear the sounds coming from inside. See a bit of the multi-colored strobe lights coming out of the crack in the door. The door that E had just slipped out of.
I turned around and there they were leaning against the wall with one leg propped up against the wall. Their cap was pulled low so I could just barely make out the content resting smirk on their face.
“Aren’t you going to come over? It’s been forever - I missed you,” They said in their perfect british accent. Hearing the sound of their voice was like dual swords splitting my heart into a thousand shards.
“This is not real,” I say to myself, covering my eyes and trying to pull myself out of the dream. “I am on a plane, I’m not with E. I’m not. I’m not. I can’t be, I can’t, can’t” I can feel my eyes start to tear up, but as long as I get out of this I can’t even bring myself to care.
Of course that doesn’t work because I can hear the sounds of E walking over to me. They are wearing the Doc Martens I got for them last christmas. They're solid black like everything else they wear, but on the very back there is a strip of a rainbow. I remember the smile they gave me when they opened them, it lit up the room like everything else about them. No matter how hard things got they could always pull me out.
I am pulled back into my nightmare by their hand on my shoulder, a feeling so painfully familiar that I gasp with the sensation. I can’t take it anymore, my body thinks before I even care and I have spun around and wrapped myself around them. I have never thought of myself as clingy, but in this minute I will never let go.
“Hey,” they laugh and it warms my heart in a way that nothing should be able to. They run their fingers through my hair and I whimper to myself.
They pull my head up and bring their lips to mine, and it is the same as it always is. An explosion of love. No, explosion is the wrong word, I have set off a hundred bombs and they are nothing like this. This is something beyond words. I know for thousands of years people have been trying to explain what true love feels like and I can promise you none of them have done justice to what it really is.
Like everytime my mind forces me to relive this scenario, what really happened plays out. We’re kissing when the sound of a click goes off in the distance. We turn around to face it when a bomb goes off inside the club. I spin around grabbing my knife and gun one in each hand and pointing them to the spilver in the open door. I put E behind knowing that I can’t let anything happen to them.
Then a smoke bomb goes off next to us and we both get pushed down to the rough ground. I hear gunshots coming to my left. Not just any kind of gun, a military grade machine gun. I reach behind me to push E under me, but like every time, they’re not there. All that’s there is empty space where they should be.
Like every time, I search every part of the alley for a single piece of information. Anything to tell me who took them and why. Like every time there is only one thing I find: a note.
We are going for your brothers next.
-X
With this I wake up and launch myself forward. I have my gun in my hand and I am gripping my table so hard that my knuckles are turning white. I can hear my heavy breathing in my ears and feel my lungs trying to get air in.
I look around me and see the inside of my jet all around me. The sleek white curved inside with the dark brown leather chairs and the light wood.
I feel someone move toward me and I throw my knife right into the seat next to me.
“I would rather you not kill me, I have been promised quite a lot of money if I keep you alive and you continue to make my life quite hard when it comes to this,” James says in a dry voice. He is just sitting there reading the newspaper like I am not drowning in my memories over here. I look up to face him and see my knife is barely a centimeter from his perfectly bald head. It is nice to know that even during a panic attack I still have good aim.
“Of course,” I say, sending him a smirk. “I always try and please whenever I can.”
I see him roll his eyes, but there is a glint of humor in his eyes. James has been my father’s right hand man since before I was born and seems to never age. I asked him once what his trick was and he said he eats the souls of the guilty.
I turn to him and say “You have known my dad for a long time right?”
“I would say so,” He says putting down his newspaper and giving me his full attention. “What is this about?”
“I want to know about my mother,” I say, giving him one of my blank stares. If he didn’t know me as well as he does, he might have even thought I didn’t care.
“We are going to meet your brothers, you can ask them,” He says and picks his newspaper up again, signaling that the conversation is over.
For some reason though I can’t drop it. “Why won’t any of you ever tell me about her. I know enough to know that my father is not the type of person who would leave two kids behind, so what the fuck happened?” I ask in a perfectly calm voice. One of the first skills that my father had me master was the art of never giving even a single emotion away.
Not even turning to look at me he says “You can ask your brothers about her. All I will tell you is that your father was barely even able to get you.”
All that did was leave me even more confused than when I started that conversation. I sat back in my seat and looked out the window. “Here I come, South Carolina,” I think and imagine what my brothers are going to be like.
Andrew
I was trying to decide who to kill first. So far Kevin was at the top of the list with Allison as a close second and then, as always, Neil is on the list.
My day had actually started out pretty well. He woke up curled around him being able to push the strands out of his face and listen to his soft breaths, as he slept peacefully for once. He got to watch Neil open his eyes and focus on the world around him. When he focused in on Andrew a small smile spread across his face.
“Junkie,” I said pushing him away and getting ready to stand up.
I saw him reach out for me and I let him pull me back to bed in the small peace they had made lying there in that bed together. Our dorm room had become a place where they could both feel safe and that was all that mattered to them.
My day pretty much went downhill from there. Kevin clearly had a bad night because he was incredibly uptight in all of morning practice. I was thinking of giving Kevin a mini plastic trophy for his birthday as an award for being the only person who could truly piss me off while on drugs. Of course I was thinking this instead of covering the goal which was only pissing Kevin off even more. I have found making Kevin pissed is only fun to a point, and that point had passed.
I couldn’t take him anymore so I threw the ball at his head and walked off the court. That was the end of practice and I was then forced to go to class. Nothing against school I just didn’t want to be here for any of it.
The best part of my day was when I got the afternoon off from classes and got to sit around and eat ice cream. That was until Kevin showed up and started yelling about health and some shit and I was forced to throw a knife at him. After that Kevin shut up, but I was already in a bad mood.
Now at evening practice I really was planing to commit murder. The sound of the exy balls bouncing off of the walls and floor was like a knife stabbing my ear drums a hundred time, in a never ending cycle of torture.
I can hear Allison bitching to Kevin about his drills and him shouting back at her like the world will end if he doesn’t prove his point. I slam my racquet against the floor startling both of them. They shut up but I know it won’t last.
I hear the court doors open and close behind me and I turn around to see Abby walk in. This wouldn’t have been weird if I didn’t already know that her and Bee should have been having a girls afternoon. So what, I wonder, has caused those plans to change.
I see her go over to Wymack and whisper something into his ear. At first he looks uninterested and then his gaze snaps up to look at me. I honestly can’t think of anything I have done recently that can cause that look. Then his gaze snaps to Aaron and I start to focus more. There is so little Aaron and I do together and there is really nothing I can think of that would cause Wymack to look that stressed.
“Minyards!” Wymack shouts and everyone turns to look at him. “Come with me.”
I can see Aaron looking at me with concern in his eyes, but I ignore him and follow Wymack.
As we are walking he turns to look at us and says “I looked through all your records, and I know I missed some stuff, but I didn’t think I could miss anything this big.”
“We have no idea what you are talking about,” I say and push past him.
We enter into the sitting area outside the locker room and there is a girl standing leaning against the wall. The way she is standing would make you think she practically lives there. She carries herself with the air of someone who owns every situation. She is barely taller than us with long blond hair in an intertwined braid down her back. She is wearing fishnets under black ripped jeans with a leather jacket with a dual sword crossing each other patch on the right shoulder. There is something about her that makes you want to get closer and run away at the same time.
“Who the fuck are you?” Aaron asks the question we are both thinking.
“Huh, not the response I was thinking, but I can work with it,” She says with a thick russian accent and pushes herself off the wall. She walks silently and it looks like she is gliding. It is deeply unsettling.
Just as I was about to start questioning who she is, there is a crash behind us and we all turn to see the rest of the team come in. When they see her standing there they all stop, not knowing what to think of the strange new girl.
Dan steps forward and holds out her hand. “Hi, I’m Dan the captain of the Palomento State Exy team.”
The girl shakes her hand and looks straight into her eyes with a deeply intense look. It is clearly unsettling to Dan, but she is not one to back down from a challenge. “Amanda,” She says with a smile that could cut glass.
She turns back to look at me and Aaron. I can feel Neil coming closer, unsure of what is going on. I would normally wave him off, but there are way more unknowns than I am comfortable with right now.
“When I heard you were playing sports I was hoping that was a cover for something, maybe the mafia? I couldn’t imagine you guys would really use your lifes for something as simple at sports.” She says and I can hear Kevin wince start coking behind me and Matt smack him on the back.
“Oh, it seems I have hit a nerve. I can’t wait to learn more about that later.” She says with a flick of her hand. “Well ok, it’s time for me, Andrew, and Aaron to talk now, you can all leave please,” clearly used to people following her orders.
“Darling, I don’t know who you are but..” Allison is stopped short by a knife pressed against her throat. I don’t know how she got tha far so fast, but I don’t like it.
“Let me make one thing clear: I’m not your darling, and not your friend. I don't know what gave you that impression, but change it. You see me and you look away. I am a ghost in your world. This is a warning and I don’t ask twice.” She looks directly into Allison’s eyes as she says it. The way she talked was with the air of someone who has clearly caused many people a lot of damage and wouldn't hesitate to do it again. It makes most of the Foxes step back, and Kevin jump back - clearly reminded of Riko.
In a surprise turn of events Nicky is the next one to talk, “What do you want with my cousins,” He asks clearly scared, but more worried about protecting us. That does something in my chest that I am going to ignore.
“Cousins?” She asks, stepping back and dropping the entire dangerous act it was like it was never there. It is quite disconcerting, I have seen people take off masks that fast, but never change full personalities.
“Yah,” Nicky says putting on fake bravery. “I know we don’t look it, but they're my family and I would like to know what you want with them.
With that she takes a step towards him, and this is when I move. Before I can get even remotely within striking distance she has brought my arm down and sweeps out the back of my ankles. All of the sudden I am lying on my back and she has my arm in one hand and the other one is holding a knife to my throat.
She looks me in the eyes with hazel eyes that are shockingly familiar and says, “The key to killing someone is to have them not know what you are doing til it is too late.” The way she says it sounds fully like a teacher talking to a student.
“Get the fuck off me,” I growled and I see Neil start to move towards her.
In the blink of an eye she is off me and back to leaning against the wall like nothing had happened.
“Just tell us who you are and what you want so you can fuck off and leave,” Aaron said looking annoying, but uneffected by the violence.
“You two really have no idea who I am?” She asks like that is a real shock to her.
We both stare at her with blank faces and she sighs while running her hands through her hair.
“Can we get your name?” Matt pops in from somewhere in the back.
“Yes I guess that would be a good place to start,” She holds out her hand to Aaron and says “Amanda Talia Minyard nice to meet you.”