Chapter Text
Whenever Reggie was with the band, things felt like they couldn’t be going better. Well, maybe if they were alive…but for being dead, they were practically on cloud nine with success. Free of Caleb’s curse, they felt lighter, happier, and they had bodies again. They were cautiously trying to figure out how to handle that last one. Julie wasn’t exactly sure how to explain to her dad that the holograms from Sweden that were actually ghosts were now ghosts with actual bodies and would just be staying in the house until further notice. They also were all secretly wondering just how stronger their powers would become. The boys noticed their visibility lasted longer and longer now after shows, and they didn't just need Julie there to be seen while they played.
In the meantime, Luke went to haunt his parents’ house more than ever- Reggie felt like he was purposefully hanging around and secretly hoping to be seen, without Julie being there. Alex was sneaking off more and more to find Willie, who was hiding out around Los Angeles from Caleb, who was MIA at the moment. They knew there would be a point he would emerge, seeking revenge on the ghosts that made a fool of him in front of his club, disappearing from his grasp and breaking an unbreakable curse. Reggie found himself feeling a bit like a third wheel. After recently finding out his abusive father was now dead and his mother had left him years ago and moved back home, states away, there wasn’t really anything else about his old life Reggie sought out. They had no extended family he was interested. His only true friends were here in the afterlife with him, and he hadn’t met his own ghost, like Alex. He wasn’t really exactly sure what was in his cards now, except for the music. Figuring he might as well make the most out of that as he could, he often just hung around the studio while the other two were out, strumming on Alex’s guitar or his old mandolin, that he managed to fix back up.
That’s how Flynn found him one Sunday afternoon. Julie was off with Luke, Alex was off in search of Willie, and he was writing a folk song on the old mandolin. He knew it would never see the light of day with Julie and the Phantoms- if it wasn’t Sunset Curve’s style it definitely wasn’t JATP’s. But it still felt good just to write, for him.
He looked up at the sound of the garage doors opening and momentarily actually forgot that because he was playing, Flynn would be able to see him. His strumming slowed as she saw the state she was in; her face was streaked with tears, her mascara was stained beneath her eyes and her body shook ever so slightly.
“Sorry!” Flynn stuttered, already heading out again. “I thought Julie might be here. I couldn't reach her and thought you guys might be practicing.”
Reggie jumped up. It was in his instinct to feel a bit protective of others when they were clearly struggling. He’d been through it so much, with Alex’s parents and when Luke ran away from home. Helping others had always been the best escape from his own problems. He kept one hand on the mandolin, awkwardly thumbing at the strings so she could continue to see him.
“She and Luke are out…”
“Oh of course!” Flyyn replied knowingly, with a fake smile. “I’ll check back later.”
“No!“ Reggie wanted to reach out, but kept playing. “Sorry, um, it’s still the only way you can see me without Julie here.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“What I mean is…are you okay?”
It was an absolute stupid question. Of course she wasn’t okay. But Flynn looked like she really needed someone to ask that to her.
Flynn forced herself to keep her fake smile as she waved her hand in the air, as though she didn’t quite know how to react.
“Yeah…no…I don’t know. I’m sorry, I just had a really bad date and was looking for my best friend. Didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“You’re not, I promise, come here.” He nodded over to the piano and she reluctantly followed him over. “This might be a bit less awkward?”
Reggie hadn’t played any since before his death, and he knew Julie would kill him- again- if she knew he were playing her mom’s piano, but she didn’t know that before she came along, if Sunset Curve needed any keyboards he would fill in. Flynn’s eyes widened in surprise as he easily picked up a sweet, melancholy melody.
“Reggie!” Flynn exclaimed gleefully, playfully hitting his shoulder. They both startled when her hand actually hit him. “Sorry, still getting used to that.”
“It’s okay,” he replied. He meant it; even if it was just a playful hit, it was nice just to be able to be touched at all. As a ghost even with his friends he often felt cold, lonely, hyperaware that a huge part of him was missing and that he should be able to feel some kind of warmth and closeness to others.
“I had no idea you could play.”
“I used to, a bit, enough to give us some chords if we needed them,” he confessed. “Don’t tell Julie. She’s way better than me.”
Flynn rolled her eyes.
“And you play mandolin too. Why do I feel like there’s so much about you still I don’t know?” She teased.
Because there is, he thought. Though Flynn hung out with them quite a bit, and he was sure she looked them up plenty on the internet, this was really the first time the two of them ever had an actual conversation, just them.
“So…why the tears?” He asked carefully. “Did someone hurt you? Because for being a ghost, I really haven’t tried out the whole haunting people thing enough and I would be glad to help seek some revenge.”
The teenager shook her head, smiling sadly.
“No…not really. I just had a bad date, that’s all.” She stopped, as though that was all she had to offer; Reggie raised his eyebrows, suspicious, and she finally spilled: “Okay, so it was really my first like, real date. And yes, I’m fully aware that my best friend has already had a steady boyfriend that she has already broken up with and now is clearly in love with a ghost, and I have just now managed to go on one lousy date. It’s not that impressive.”
Oh Flynn had no idea how close to home that hit.
He knew better and let her continue though, before getting into his own sad history.
“I finally had a real date, with this guy I thought I really liked, and it just went…it went weird.” Suddenly, Flynn looked very uncomfortable, and Reggie had a major flashback to a time he had a similar conversation with Alex. He had a feeling he knew where this was going even before Flynn did. “I dunno, I mean he was so cute- and he was really sweet! I hit the jackpot. Then there was me, just hardly able to say anything the whole time. Once we were alone, I kinda wondered what I saw in him. I don’t know how to explain what I was feeling but it just…sucked. Even worse, he tried to kiss me and I just…backed away. Ugh, it was terrible! I’m such a dork. Now he’ll probably tell everyone that I wouldn’t kiss him and I’ll be a laughing stock by nightfall.”
It was…all a bit more than he thought Flynn would say. While he was used to be there for the guys, he wasn’t really the most apt at girl talk. Mostly because he talked to next to no girls back when he was alive and was therefore perpetually awkward around them. Luckily, he knew the key here was that Flynn just needed someone to listen. He didn’t have to have the most perfect advice.
He was surprised when she suddenly took over the other side of the piano that he wasn’t utilizing and picked up the melody she was playing. It was like he was aware that Flynn played music, after all she was in Julie’s class, but she seemed more comfortable just being behind the scenes and being their manager. Then again, they had never asked her to play, had they?
“It’s okay to just not be that into someone, you know,” Reggie offered. “Sometimes you just have to trust your gut.”
Flynn shook her head, clearly already knowing that wasn’t it.
“Yeah…it’s not just that,” she admitted. “I couldn’t even tell if I was really interested in him like…at all. We had this waitress girl who was really cute, and all I kept thinking about was how perfectly she did her hair and how I wished I could do eye makeup that looked that good and oh my god I can’t believe I’m talking to you about this.”
She quickly backed away from the keys, as though they were on fire. Reggie just chuckled.
“I have that effect on people,” he grinned as he kept playing. “Look at it this way, I’m dead. No strings attached right? If you need a confidant, I think a ghost is a perfect go-to. And…I’ve already been there with Alex and Luke, if it makes you feel any better. I might be able to help.”
They looked at each other, and her eyes widened.
“Wait…” she started slowly, understanding. “Alex and Luke?”
He nodded, his lips forming into a bemused grin. He himself was impressed they had all kept it a secret for so long, that that used to be a thing, and he was sure he could add this to the list of things he would surely be killed a second time over. But the important thing was that Flynn knew she wasn’t alone.
“That actually makes so much sense!” She exclaimed. Suddenly, tears were gone from her eyes all together as she laughed. And her laugh, he was surprised, actually made him shiver a bit. It was a beautiful laugh... “So much sense.”
“I know right?”
They shared a laugh as he waited for her to process and decide how to continue.
“I don’t really know, know…ya know? I mean, how do you even know? I do still kinda like him, even after the failure of a date. I’m just a bit…curious. I didn’t even think I was! I mean how have I been so super supportive of gay rights and had no idea that I might be a little bit…curious?”
Now he wished he had either Alex or Luke with him. Especially Luke…the king of playing both teams. Reggie was just the king of being a total dork.
“I could have actually had my first kiss!” Flynn whined, throwing her hands up in defeat. “Now I don’t even have any idea what I want, or how to figure that out, or who to tell. Maybe it’s a good thing Julie’s not here, she would probably think I’m crazy.”
Reggie shook his head; one thing he knew for sure was that that was a lie.
“Julie is the best,” Reggie insisted. “You know she’ll love you no matter what. Plus, she sees dead people. Something tells me this won’t sound all that crazy to her.”
Flynn looked a little less freaked out, and he felt a bit satisfied that he was actually able to be helpful to someone again.
“So Alex and Luke…” she finally said after a few thoughtful moments of silence. “Wait, does Luke even like girls, then? I don’t want Julie to get her heart broken. I mean, not that she won’t already when she comes to her senses because he’s, you know, dead. No offense.”
Rolling his eyes, he replied:
“None taken! And yes, yes Luke definitely likes girls too.”
“So…do you know how they knew?” She asked. He liked that she had yet to ask him about his preferences, as though he somehow had ‘lost cause’ written all over him.
“They kissed each other,” he chimed in casually. Flynn practically squealed.
“Okay, that is adorable! How did we not know this? How long were they together?”
“Oh not long, only about a few months, before we all turned seventeen. They were fully broken up when we died.”
He was most definitely going to be killed again now. By Julie, then Luke, then Alex. Likely in that order.
“I don’t know if they would want Julie to know,” he confessed. “I just wanted to tell you because, well, you’re not alone. Being a teenager sucks. I don’t think anyone knows how to figure this stuff out.”
Being a dead teenager sucks even more, he wanted to add. Though if he were being honest, he wouldn’t exactly want to be in Flynn’s shoes right now, even if he got to be alive. That was one thing he did not miss, figuring out feelings and romance. Seeing everyone else constantly gushing over girls and/or guys. Then there was Reggie, pretending like he understood what everyone was talking about.
Flynn began to play piano with him again, and they stayed like that for a few quiet moments before she finally remembered she never asked about him.
“So, what about you?” She asked, noticing him stiffen. “I mean, only if you want to talk about it.”
He appreciated the curtesy.
“I…” he trailed off, trying to decide how much to say. Would Flynn just run off and tell Julie? He didn’t exactly get the impression she was that type of girl, no matter how close the two best friends were. And after all, it would mean admitting why they were talking and all that was going on in her own brain. “I never actually went out on any date. Or…anything.”
God it was so painful to admit. Even her eyes just looked so sympathetic. Like it wasn’t bad enough that he was already dead, he was a dead seventeen-year-old boy who had never even been kissed.
“That…sucks,” Flynn finally said. Great, time for his own pity party. She quickly backtracked. “I mean…a lot of people don’t date a lot in high school, it’s really not that unusual. I almost wished I hadn’t started, I could have just lived in ignorant bliss and wouldn’t have to figure any of this stuff out.”
That…didn’t exactly make him feel any better either. At least Flynn still had the chance to figure it out while she was alive.
“I always felt a bit like the little brother, tagging along,” he confessed. “I was just so interested in the music, and I mean the other guys were too of course. God knows where Alex would be with his anxiety issues without drums to bang on, and the band was Luke’s whole life. But I also liked playing video games and watching sci-fi movies, comics…stuff people tended to leave behind once they were teenagers. Everyone was obsessed with dating and I really didn’t care. At the same time, Luke was writing these incredible songs, mostly about love and I…didn’t super understand, in the way they did.”
“You were just a late bloomer.” Flynn seemed regret saying it even as she said it. “Seventeen is still really young. Sometimes I hear the stuff Julie and Luke sing and I’m like girl, should you really get that stuff already?”
He was so relieved to hear he wasn’t the only one. He had to admit, he did miss playing strictly rock sometimes. And he especially missed his country music. Maybe that’s why he loved country so much, he thought. It wasn’t necessarily all about love…it was about life. It was about having a shitty childhood and appreciating the smaller things in life. It could be about, well, anything.
“Totally,” he said with a grin. “And I don’t really regret it…okay, maybe some. I mean, I’m just a ghost now and have never even been kissed. Sometimes I just…wonder what could have been.”
“Of course you do,” Flynn said softly, placing a hand on his back; he jumped slightly at the touch and his breath hitched.
His playing slowed to just some soft chords and he found himself biting back tears. God he would not break down in front of this girl, he promised himself. But just as harnessing the power to pick up and move objects was challenge, keeping his emotions in tact had been even more challenging as a ghost.
“I guess when I was a teenager…when I was alive…I just wasn’t that concerned because I figured, soon enough I’ll be out of high school. We’ll either be playing non-stop crappy club gigs all the time or I’ll be working some dead-end job. Probably both. I just wanted to enjoy being a kid as much as I could. Plus my home life…wasn’t great,” he made an executive decision that now was not the time to admit how horribly abusive his father had been, as if the mood needed to be brought down any more. Flynn seemed to understand, and didn’t press him for more. “I saw how terrible my parents’ marriage were, how awful Alex’s parents were and I just…didn’t have the best role models for relationships. I guess I always saw love as this thing that, inevitably, wouldn’t work out. People always got hurt. It just felt ridiculous to be dating around or experimenting with…anything. God knows I was terrified to bring anyone home to my parents. At the same time Alex and Luke were really going through it with their families, I just felt like they needed me to be there. There was just always something going on. I just felt like a relationship was never going to be in the cards for me. I thought maybe, someday, when I was way older and I got my shit together, I could meet someone, settle down…but…someday never came.”
Somehow, he felt a bit ill. He knew that, even after sitting in that room of darkness for twenty-five years, he really hadn’t properly processed his own death. He just kind of acted like this was a continuation- and it was. Everything was just unfinished for him. But that was in the afterlife. His actual life, his opportunities, and potential family or kid…it was gone. And sometimes that just hit him so hard.
“I’m so sorry,” Flynn whispered. “I can’t even imagine…Julie and I are sixteen, the thought that…that could be right around the corner…it terrifies me. And if I’m being completely honest, since meeting you guys part of me feels like I need to figure everything out right now, do as much as I can, because what if I die young too?”
They looked at each other, and Reggie just felt so guilty.
“I’d never want you to feel that way,” he whispered.
“I know,” Flynn sighed, holding her head in her hands for a moment before confessing: “It’s like I both want to live as much life as I can and part of me is a bit afraid…I’m afraid to build everything up that I might lose. Carrie lost her mom, Julie lost hers, then you guys came along and it just feels a bit like death is everywhere lately. And I want to be okay with it, because I know there’s this weird, crazy, afterlife now. I know it’s just a part of life and it will happen no matter what. I know I can’t live my life in fear. But I’m trying to balance both living and…making sure I have no unfinished business.”
He wasn’t even sure how to respond to that. He wondered if Julie felt the same…god, how could they have been so selfish? Their story was horrible. Here they were acting like it was some big game.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated, feeling helpless. “I wish we didn’t make you feel that way, you absolutely should not be afraid to live. You deserve to live your life. I guess that’s my biggest regret though…I never really felt like I deserved anything good. I felt like the band was the best I’d ever have, and most of the time I was terrified of losing that. I’m still trying to figure out what the whole point of my life was, the living part of it, if I’m being honest.”
Flynn gave his arm a comforting squeeze, and for the first time since the group hug when they realized they could touch, he felt a bit of warmth rush through him. Relief rushed through him; he was surprised just how good that felt.
“I think the point is you guys are amazing friends,” she stated. “Like, the best. Such good friends that it actually has gotten you through the afterlife together. Maybe there’s still some greater thing you’re supposed to be doing, maybe this whole band thing, being able to help Julie through this part of her life, is a part of that. I guess we both have to consider if we were meant to find someone in our teenage years, we would.”
“Yeah,” he breathed. “And hey, if Alex met Willie, and Luke has this weird human-ghost thing going on with Julie, maybe it’s still possible for me.”
“Totally,” Flynn grinned. “And if it’s possible, just know you absolutely deserve it. You deserved to both still be a kid and to explore growing up. You deserved better parents and to feel safe at home. You deserved to live…but now that you’re here, you deserve the good things that will come from this too.”
Her eyes twinkled, and Reggie actually felt himself feeling inspired. Maybe, he decided, it was time to just stop mopping around the house. Maybe it was time to figure out this crazy thing called afterlife.
“Hey…” Flynn started suddenly. She stared intently at him, her hands holding a death-grip to the piano bench they sat on. Reggie felt himself shake with nerves, though he didn’t know why. She licked her lips. “Can I…try something?”
A new kind of warmth rushed through him, and against his better judgement, he nodded. He knew exactly what she was going to do, and though every ounce of common sense left at him shouted no, bad idea, abort! The other half of him was extremely curious.
How did Luke handle feeling this way around Julie all the time?
His body tense as he leaned closer to him, her hand slowly coming up to take one of his. They looked down, both still in a bit of awe at how it felt to be able to lock fingers. Carefully, her eyes wondered up to meet his, and he nodded again, giving permission before she leaned forward.
He wasn’t sure what he’d feel when her lips touched his. Part of him was terrified he would feel nothing.
What he didn’t expect was feeling like electricity was rushing through him…but in a good way. He may have had no heartbeat, but he swore it was like he was forgetting how to breathe. Her fingertips tightened around his, and she knew Flynn felt it too. It was nothing like he expected. His brain was in overdrive, trying to figure it out and enjoy it at the same time.
Then as soon as it started, she backed away.
“Woah,” she whispered.
“Woah,” he echoed in agreement.
They stared at each other, both confused about what just happened…and both wanting it to happen again.
Reggie had to fight to remember to stay on the keys as he rushed forward, his lips smashing against hers again. He was relieved when she grasped his shoulders with her hands to steady him; he was certain he would have lost balance otherwise. He wasn’t even playing anything in a rhythm anymore, just mashing down on keys to stay visible as he dared to slip his tongue into Flynn’s mouth. He never felt more inexperienced in anything in his life, but as he raised his hand to her chest, he could feel her heart beating in a frantic pace that told him she liked it. She ran a hand through his hair and he shivered at the touch…it was the most he had been touched, most he had felt since dying and his mind, his soul, couldn’t comprehend what was happening.
If this was a pity kiss, it was a damn good pity kiss!
All of a sudden Flynn backed away again, breathing heavily. She scurried away from him, jumping up before they could do anything else. He was a bit relieved to see she looked just as confused as he did.
“I am so sorry. I don’t know what that was. Please don’t tell Julie. I’m uh…I’m going to go.”
A lopsided grin fell across his face; he could swear he could still feel her lips on his. She walked backwards a few steps, gazing thoughtfully at him, before turning away and breaking into an all out run away from him.
And Reggie…giggled.
He’d never made a girl so nervous she ran away from him before.
Though hands felt numb and his body was bursting with all kinds of energy and just feelings- his body didn’t know what it felt!- he found himself turning back to the piano, wiping his lips before he continued to play.
He wouldn’t be able to bet money on who was more confused at that moment, him or Flynn. He knew it was stupid. He knew it was nothing he should want to do again or nothing that he should give any time or hope to. He was aware that he was dead; he could hear Flynn’s own advice to Julie about falling for ghost Luke echo in his head. He knew Flynn deserved to date someone for real, to experiment, and figure out what she wanted. Hell, he didn’t even know if she really meant anything by it, if maybe she was just caught up in the moment and he pushed it too far.
He was aware they likely made a big mistake.
But…he couldn’t help but to relish in the electricity consuming him, the momentary feeling of just feeling utterly alive. Regardless of whatever the kiss had meant, at the least it left him feeling far less helpless and in mourning for his life as he had been earlier.
And after all…sometimes good things came from mistakes, right?