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The adrenaline was still pumping through his body. He was hot and cold at the same time, he just couldn't believe they did it. He did it. Poe Dameron, "the best pilot of the resistance" as many people call him, just blew up Starkiller base. It was risky but he did it. With the help of his amazing squadron. He's sure that he never could have done it without them but knowing that it was him who fired the decisive shots gave his ego a big needed boost. The thought that he prevented lifes from being destroyed and protected the resistance – his second home – filled him with so much joy. Poe landed his X-wing at the Resistance base, grinning from ear to ear, full of pride. He was excited for a party night with his pilot crew including Jess, Snap, L'Ulo, Oddy and Karé. They didn't have any reason to celebrate for such a long time, Poe knows they deserved it.
And now, they could finally meet Finn, he thought, smiling to himself. L'Ulo talked about meeting a former Stormtrooper being on a list or something and Jess just wouldn't shut up about wanting to get a look at the man who made Poe Dameron fall head over heels for him after only seeing him two times. While taking off his helmet Poe thought about all the conversations with his squad in the cafeteria before their mission on Takodana...
He told them the story of Finn rescuing him far too many times, always adding new details. Poe would roll his eyes at the comments about him having a big ass crush and deny all of it. But secretly he caught himself thinking about whether it could be true. Could he, Poe Dameron, seriously be in love with someone? Sure, he has always been attracted to others, especially human men. However, it were only physical intentions. He had the reputation of being able to have anyone he liked and most of the time he didn't mind. Of course, Poe knew he was quite handsome. Yet, there was a small wish that one day somebody would like him because of their connection. Because of how they felt when they were together. Back then, Poe recognized that he really hoped for that kind of love and – it took him long enough to be honest with himself – felt like he found this type of connection with Finn. The man he named. For the most part it was difficult because he thought Finn died during their crash on Jakku. Why admit that you really liked someone who is now dead? Besides, they maybe spent 15 minutes together. But still, next to this man, he was so ridiculously happy that he never wanted to leave his side again. And like that, at this part, his happiness always turned into an all-consuming lack of it. The end of his story telling. Finn's appareant death hurt him so deeply that Poe really had to get his shit together not to start crying in front of his friends. Every time, he waited until he was alone. Alone he could let the tears stream down and let his self-doubts take control. A little voice inside of him whispered that it was his fault. How could the Resistance's best pilot let them be shot down? After never seeing anything else than the nightmare he lived in, Finn finally fought his way into freedom and Poe let the First Order shoot them down.
Poe took a look around after he climbed down the ladder of his beloved X-wing. He felt all bubbly, his legs were still a little shaky from the long flight. Except, it wasn't just that. He was at the exact same place where he landed after their mission on Takodana. Where all his uncertainity and his grief where blown away within a second. D'Qar is the place where he realised that there is always a spark of hope left...
After taking down his helmet Poe smiled at Davan who took the pilot's headgear and gratulated him on the good work at Maz Kanata's. Out of habit, they chatted for a few seconds but then Poe was distracted by a familiar beeping. No, it couldn't be... "BB8, my buddy!" Poe grinned wide while running the last few feet towards his little friend. "I'm so glad to see you!" It's true, Poe was so happy to see him. He fell down onto his knees and scratched his belly. His droid somehow made it off of Jakku. The relief flowed through him as he tried to listen to the extremly fast beeping of BB8. Poe could only figure out some pieces that meant "Happy... alive... man named Finn... saved... and girl Rey..." He couldn't believe what this small excited ball was telling him. Did Poe mishear anything his companion said? No way. BB8 was given to him five years ago, when he was still flying as the commander of the rapier squadron for the New Republic. They were best buddies, never understood each other wrong. "Finn saved you? Where is he?", Poe asked, his voice full of surprise. Of course he believed his round friend when he beeped "There!" and turned his head to Poe's left. Yet, when he looked up and slowly came back onto his feet, his mouth hang wide open before turning into a smirk again. "Poe?" he heard his name being said. "Oh, no." were the only two words his lips could form. He couldn't stop himself. While he was running towards the dead believed Finn all the emotions made him want to sprint. Apparently, Finn was overwelmed too. "Poe Dameron, you're alive?" Poe couldn't explain why but these words alone made his heart skip a beat. Finn, his Finn, was alive and well. "Buddy!" came out of his mouth although he had at least a dozen other words to describe Finn right now. But he didn't have the chance to think of his choice of words for too long because in the next moment he threw himself into a bone-crashing hug. Several electrical shocks moved through his body. "So are you!" Yeah, dumbass. Obviously he was. But Poe just couldn't believe it. He didn't let go of Finn, grabbed his shoulders, let his hands trail down Finn's muscular arms. He had to make sure this was real. They looked at each other with big eyes – confused, surprised, immensely happy – and rambled about what happened and how come they're here now. Poe didn't think, his brain just stopped working. All he could see was Finn. His beautiful dark eyes, his chocolate skin and his lips... Soft, kissable lips that he had noticed the second after Finn's face was revealed under the Stormtrooper helmet. Somehow he managed to still talk some kind of sense-making words and said "You completed my mission, Finn..." while looking deep into his eyes. Poe wanted Finn to know how big of a deal this was for him, how much it meant to him that he brought BB8 back safely, what joy he felt to have him back. Only then he noticed – "That's my jacket!". His favourite flying jacket. Poe's mama Shara Bey gave it to him before she died, wanting him to always keep it near. He's very attached to it, giving that it's one of the two remaining things that were given to him by his mother. He wore it every single day since her death, even if the jacket was way too big back then. Nobody else did, ever. Except for Finn. Poe couldn't tell why but it felt right. So when Finn tried to take it off... "No! No, no, no." It fit Finn so perfectly, like the jacket always belonged to him. Poe's jacket. Something that belonged to Poe, looked like it was Finn's. And for the Force's sake, he looked so good in it. It couldn't be coincedence. "Keep it, it suits you." Poe meant every word. This excitement, the tension, the heat building up between them – did Finn just blush a little? Blast, how can a man look this handsome and cute at the same time? With stars in his eyes and a small bite on his bottom lip, Poe said "You're a good man, Finn." You might be even better by my side... he added in his mind. He's already perfect, that wouldn't even be possible. Although, with him, it seemed as if anything could be greater...
Damn it.
From this point on Poe couldn't deny it anymore.
He really fell for Finn and it almost felt like another crash on Jakku.
So now, here Poe was. Standing at the same place they reunited, looking for Finn. He politely smiled at the others gratulating him. They'd have time to celebrate later, Poe thought while heading towards the Falcon. He still couldn't believe Han was back. The last time Poe saw the Solo's together was when he was just a child. The Solo's and Dameron's were close; Leia, Han and even Chewbacca often visited. Poe played with their son Ben, although they never really liked each other. But at some point it all fell apart. First they sent Ben to train with his uncle Luke Skywalker and a few years later Han just disappeared. A long time after that, after loosing his mother, leaving the army of the New Republic and joining the Resistance, Poe was happy to at least have Leia. He loved her dearly, she was like a mother to him. Poe jogged towards the landed ship, looking for Leia but finding Chewie. The Wookie was carrying someone wounded in his arms. Was that... Finn?! He slowed down, his smile vanished. All his nerves were on alert. "Easy, easy! He's hurt" somebody said while helpers loaded Finn onto a medical transport. Poe stood there, unable to move, wanting to run. Wanting to touch Finn but not hurt him. What in the Force was he supposed to do? "We got a heartbeat" That comment made Poe's lungs work again. Finn's not dead. They can help him. The pilot turned around, hoping to see Leia somewhere. Instead, he saw a girl who was clearly in shock, matching BB8's description of Rey. The medical staff moved and so did Poe.
Some time later – was it two, three, six hours? Poe couldn’t tell, it felt like days – a medical droid finally appeared around the corner. Poe practically jumped out of his seat and rushed towards it. He almost lost his balance and was stumbling. He hadn’t slept, eaten, drunk; any of it. He had brushed off anyone who wanted to talk to him and knew he owed these people apologies. The only thing he was able to do, was to send BB8 to the conference. He hoped Leia would understand. He hadn’t even changed out of his pilot suit and oh boy, he should’ve used the refresher. But it didn’t matter. Poe had been worried sick about Finn and almost drove himself crazy during his operation. “Can I see him?” Poe cut off the droid before it could even start. “Commander Dameron, I regret to inform you patient B5039IB has fallen into a coma. It is not possible to say whether or when he awakes” Coma. The pilot could feel his heart sink. What in the Force happened on Starkiller base? “Protocol clearly states I cannot tell you details but if you wish…” “Can I see him?” He asked more urgently. “…to visit, I grant you permission. The patient is located in room 37” The medical droid continued without hesitating or even noticing. And with these words Poe made his way through the medical bay, almost knocking multiple people and droids over. He took a deep breath before entering.
As he walked into the room, he was surprised. He didn’t know what he was expecting but it definitely wasn’t Rey - or at least he guessed it was Rey - sitting next to Finn. Poe immediately stopped and took a step back. They looked so… intimate. He ignored the way his chest tightened and listened to the girl’s words. “We’ll the each other again…” she said. Her eyes were soft and… loving. Poe had the urge to look away. “… I believe that” Then she stood up, pressed a light kiss on Finn’s forehead, turned around and began to walk away. Poe felt miserable. He shouldn’t be here, he shouldn’t have listened to this. And also for himself, it would’ve been better if he hadn’t seen this. The intimacy, the kiss. It hurt. He couldn’t describe it any other way, it just hurt really bad. He almost considered turning back and leaving. But then he looked at Finn. Ironically, he seemed so peaceful. His eyes were closed, his face relaxed, his lips slightly parted. Poe couldn’t leave him here alone, he just couldn’t. Right now wasn’t about him nor his feelings. Finn was important to him, so he would stay.
He retied the loose knot of the sleeves of his pilot suit around his hips. He must look terrible, Poe thought while walking to the bed. His messy, curly hair and the plain gray t-shirt he wore didn’t exactly help. But honestly, Poe didn’t care. And Finn… Well, he wouldn’t see him. Only as he was next to Finn, he noticed that Rey was still standing at the other end of the room with a stick in her hands. For how long has she been watching? Poe tensed up and drew back his hand that was just about to touch Finn’s. It was a strange picture. Two people who cared deeply about Finn, standing on different sides. Rey leaned her stick against the nearest wall and started to walk back. “I’m Rey” So Poe was right. This really was the girl BB8 told him about. “Poe” he answered and tried to sound friendly. “I know” She smiled. When she saw Poe’s confused expression, the girl added “Finn told me all about you. Honestly, he wouldn’t shut up about the best pilot in the galaxy” She laughed a little and then cocked an eyebrow at him. “Are you?” “I guess I’m pretty good, yeah” Poe said, he really wasn’t in the mood to joke around with Finn’s… Who was she exactly? “And Finn told me about you. Everyone, in fact. A lot, very often…” He suppressed a tired sigh. He looked down at Finn and absently laid his hand over his. Poe tried to be nice, he really tried. But he had the feeling it didn’t work. “… He told me, you’re his friend. Are you?” Damn, what was he even trying to do? As he looked up, he saw Rey’s bewildered face. “Uh... Yeah, I am. Well, I hit him with my stick at first but then we became friends. He’s great” “I know…” Poe sat down and now took Finn’s hand into his, more or less forgetting he actually didn’t want to do that in front of Rey who could still be… “… I owe him my life, literally” Rey now took her seat again, too and looked directly at Poe.
“He’s more than a friend to you, am I right?”
Poe’s head shot up. “Uh… What?” He tried not to have such big eyes. He tried to close his mouth. His heart raced. He should drop Finn’s hand, he really should. But he couldn’t. “It’s pretty obvious, flyboy” Rey used her humor with caution. Her smile was soft. “I – I, uh, I’m sorry, Rey, I didn’t want to –” Did he just admit it?? “Poe, I already told you, Finn and I are friends. I mean it. I’m not interested in him like that” He was speechless. How did she figure this out so quickly? Was he that obvious? Poe cleared his throat. “Uh – “ he finally beamed genuinely at Rey. “… Well, I don’t know what to say” He grinned quietly to himself. “No need” She gently caressed Finn’s cheek with two fingers. “Watch out for him while I’m gone, will ya?” “Trust me, I won’t leave his side” “I know” Did this girl know everything? She got up, took her stick, caught a last look at the two men and left smiling to herself.