Work Text:
White was doing good- he had been doing good. For one day. Then he spiked a high fever and Orange was pushing him out of the room and locking the doors behind him without an explanation. Pink ended up being the one to explain it to him. He has an infection. Orange wants to make sure Yellow didn’t make him sick but if she did then it might be contagious so she’s locking down the medbay until she knows.
It’s been a week.
He’d been hollowed out. Going on autopilot. Doing his tasks, eating whatever Pink handed him, trying in vain to fall asleep, waking up from nightmares, and repeat. He kept going over it in his mind. He had been watching White like a hawk but maybe he hadn’t been watching closely enough. Maybe he missed the signs.
White had woken up a few minutes after Orange left for the airlock. He had been a little lucid, a clumsy but genuine smile on his face at seeing Black by his side. He didn’t say much besides a few slurred words before passing out again. Orange came back an hour later looking completely destroyed. She fiddled with things on a desk and withdrew for hours. Then she finally convinced him to go and eat and take a shower and maybe a nap on an actual bed. And after a few minutes of hesitation, he had gone. He did everything besides the nap and then he was back by White’s side. He fell asleep on the chair, his hand intertwined with Whites, and then Orange was waking him up and pushing him out of the room.
He slipped on his suit and grabbed his tablet, checking what tasks he had, when he caught sight of his nails. White had painted his nails black except for one, his thumb on his right hand was painted white. They were chipped now, no longer clean and perfect, especially since he kept biting his nails.
White had been bored and anxious and he had excused himself from their- his room. When he came back, he had brought a small bag with him. He had gone around and asked everyone if they had nail polish he could borrow and brought every single one back to the room. He asked if he could paint Black’s nails, reassuring him that he could take it off afterward if Black didn’t like it. Black said yes and then suddenly he was having colors tested out on him before White had dwindled the choices down to two. Black and White.
He had tested the white on his thumb to see whether he wanted the color to contrast with Black’s suit or if he wanted it to match. In the end, he decided on black and when he moved to rub away the white, Black had stopped him, saying that he wanted to keep that one. And White had looked up, a small and soft smile on his face. He had removed it anyway but reassured Black that he was going to repaint it.
And then after waiting around for his nails to dry, Black had gotten bored and turned on some music. Just a low hum in the background as he carefully fiddled with things on his desk. Then his nails finally dried and he was doodling on a random piece of paper and the music was louder but he didn’t notice. Not until White was turning the chair towards him and waving his hand in front of Black’s face as an invitation. And Black was being pulled off the chair, the music even louder now, and they were clumsily ballroom dancing (neither knew how) around the room. They bumped into things but they didn’t care. Because for a couple of songs they could pretend that everything was normal, they could pretend that it was just the two of them in the whole universe. Just the two of them. Dancing with stupid grins on their faces until they were collapsing tiredly onto the bed. And Black must’ve already been dreaming when he thought he felt White’s fingers delicately trail along his jaw before slipping away.
Black resisted the urge to bite his nails and slipped his gloves on in shaky and harsh movements. He grabbed his tablet and left the room. Not his room. He’d been sleeping in a spare room because his own felt suffocating now. His feet automatically tried to carry him to medbay but he yanked himself in the other direction heading towards the cafeteria.
He glanced at the snacks laid out and walked past them. But then he stopped, a whisper in the back of his mind that sounded like Pink and White was telling him to eat. So he turned back around and grabbed something at random before shoving it into a pocket and continuing down into admin. He swiped his card and failed. Irritation sparked underneath his skin. His hands were shaking and he kept getting a bad read. His anger making him go faster despite the card reader telling him to go slower.
Then there was a steady green-gloved hand covering his and the card reader finally accepted it. His shoulders dropped and when Green urged Black into him, he collapsed into the hug. He shuddered at the contact, his skin drinking in all the warmth it could. Black had been staying away from everyone, not allowing anyone to get near him enough to touch, to offer comfort. He didn’t know why since he needed the comfort, he needed the touch of someone else. But he reverted to loneliness, trying to protect himself from caring way too much about other people.
Before he could try and persuade himself to pull away, his hands were already grappling to bring Green closer. It didn’t help that Green was comfortingly rubbing his back and his other hand was stroking the hair at his neck. Black could cry. His body was singing. Green was humming quietly into his ear. They were swaying and Black was burrowing deeper into Green. He heard someone else come in, felt Green shake his head, and then the footsteps were walking away.
“Have you slept,” Green whispered against his neck.
He lied and muffled a ‘yes’ into his shoulder. Green pulled away slightly and ran a thumb under Black’s eye. “Liar.”
Black started to disentangle himself, “There are too many tasks to do for me to be able to go take a nap if that’s what you’re about to suggest I go do.” He bent down to pick up his card, he hadn’t realized he had dropped. Green caught him in another hug when he straightened up.
“White would want you to take care of yourself,” he said softly, “we all want you to take care of yourself. You’re burning through energy you don’t have.”
Black couldn’t help but melt into it again, his card slipping from his trembling fingers onto the floor again. He sighed, “You’re right but I can’t sleep.”
“Nightmares?”
“Sometimes but I don’t like sleeping alone.”
“I’ll help you with tasks and then after we’ll go to your room and you can take a nap and I’ll just sit there with you if that’ll help.”
He hesitated and then nodded. “Yeah, okay.”
Green pulled away and ruffled his hair. He swooped down and handed Black his card. “Where to next?”
A few hours later and Black was forcing his feet in the direction of his room. Green nodding encouragingly when he hesitated to open the door. Someone had cleaned it for him. His bed was made and all the clutter on his desk and nightstand were organized and clean. That made it a little easier to step into the room. He watched Green go for his desk and sit down, setting his book onto the desk. “If you need anything, I’m right here,” he said, his eyes soft and caring.
Black swallowed the lump in his throat and slipped out of his suit. When he flopped onto his bed, his whole body sighed in relief. He was aching and so tired and his hazy mind was already starting to shut down. But of course, he couldn’t fall asleep that fast, that easy. The awake parts of his mind brought forward a multitude of images. White. Purple. Cyan. Red. Yellow. An aching love, immense guilt, and a deep betrayal.
He rolled onto his side and looked at Green through half-lidded eyes. He was sitting comfortably in the chair, reading, his free hand tapping a rhythm on his thigh. He caught onto the rhythm, his own fingers mimicking it onto the bed. It helped. The tapping, it was mindless but trying to keep up with Green changing the tempo every few seconds helped. He’d get comfortable with the new rhythm but then Green would change it and his mind would scramble to keep up. Then Green was no longer reading but the tapping kept going and was accompanied with his quiet humming. And Black’s eyes were slipping closed but he was still awake.
Then Green was actually singing now, it was quiet, barely a whisper. Black couldn’t make out the words but his mind was starting to go thick and slow like honey. His fingers no longer tapping instead they were reaching towards Green, just a slight twitch in his fingers, his body and mind seeking out more comfort. Green was singing louder now and Black heard the chair roll across the room. He cracked his eyes open a little and Green was sitting beside him, his fingers tangling with Blacks. His skin tingled pleasantly and Black eyes were slipping closed again and this time he fell asleep.
Black, surprisingly, didn’t have nightmares. He woke up and searched for Green who was no longer in there but a sticky note attached to his tablet caught his attention. He sat up and stretched, delighting in feeling a little more rested than he had been in a while. He grabbed the note.
If you’re up before I get back, I figured you probably haven’t eaten so I went to go get food.
His stomach grumbled angrily and he winced when he remembered he had forgotten to eat the granola bar he grabbed in the cafeteria. He mentally apologized to himself and swung his legs off the bed. He stretched some more, delighting in feeling a little more refreshed than he had been this past week. He grabbed his tablet, his fingers automatically opening his messages with Orange. She had been sending him updates every day, although they were very short. He’s doing a little better today. He’s doing a little worse today. He’s the same as yesterday.
There was no new message and he resisted the urge to send another one. He turned off the tablet and pushed it back onto the nightstand. He pushed himself back against the wall and allowed the coolness of the metal against his back to distract him a little. He knew Orange was doing the best she could right now. She isn’t a doctor, she only knew what Cyan had taught her. She’s just trying to keep White stable long enough until they could land on Polus and the doctor that’s there can take over. They were a little less than a week away. He just had to make it one more week.
The door opened and Green was coming in with two plates. “Oh good, you’re up. Here,” he handed a plate to him and Black’s mouth watered immediately.
It looked like a simple grilled cheese but when he bit into it there had to be at least three different cheeses in there. He scarfed down half of it within a few minutes, his eyes closed most of the time, savoring all the different flavors. “You have to teach me how to make this,” he said between bites.
Green chuckled, “I suck at cooking and I used to suck at making grilled cheeses, just regular ones. I’d burn them all the time and then my mom dragged me out into the kitchen and taught me how to make one. It’s the only thing I’m good at cooking but my mom, she’s great at cooking.”
“When we go home, you need to invite me over.” He finished off the last bite and gently tossed the plate onto the nightstand, not caring about the crumbs that flew off of it. He was too full of good food to care.
Green smiled at him, a hint of sadness lining the edges, “Yeah, definitely.” He put his own plate onto the desk and relaxed into the chair. “How’d you sleep?”
“Great.” Green raised a brow. Black laughed through his nose. When it came to questions about his wellbeing no one ever took his first answer as the truth. Which he couldn’t blame them for, the first answer was normally a lie. “I’m serious, I promise.”
Green smiled, small and soft, “That’s good, ‘cause we were gonna stage an intervention if you didn’t start taking better care of yourself.”
Black laughed, “You’ve all been taking care of me this week. Pink’s been feeding me, Blue trails me looking ready to catch me if I pass out, and you- you helped me fall asleep. I’m extremely grateful for all of you.”
“You don’t have to thank us for caring about you.”
“Why do you guys care about me?” His cheeks heated up when he realized he said that out loud.
Green tilted his head to the side, he looked shocked for a second. Then a deep understanding settled across his features. “Why wouldn’t we care about you?” He rolled the chair a little closer to him. “When I first met you, I thought you were gonna be the serious type, a lone wolf type of person. But then you walked up to me, a bright smile on your face as you introduced yourself. You made me feel so comfortable around you, like if we’ve known each other for years. You were so bright and then the longer you stayed on this ship, that light got dimmer and then it just burnt out. You don’t really smile like the sun anymore.”
Black’s mind froze. He’s never been described that way. Bright with a sunshine smile. His heart and soul cracked open, feeling raw and vulnerable. “Everyone misses your smile,” Green whispered. The chair was right in front of the bed and Green held out a hand. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and grabbed it, allowing himself to be pulled forward and into Green’s hug. His body shuddered and he began crying. He didn’t know why or maybe he did and he just didn’t understand right now. But it felt strangely good. His hands were clutching at Green’s back and he was sliding onto his lap, desperate to be comforted. Green was cradling him so gently and whispering words of comfort into his ear. Black cried harder.
He was surprised when he woke up, he never even realized he had fallen asleep again. For a split second, he thought the warm body next to him was White but then his mind woke up a little more and he realized it was Green. He snuggled a little deeper into his chest and Green hummed letting him know he was up.
“I forgot to mention earlier but I ran into Orange in the hall and she said she’ll send you a more detailed update later but she wants you to know that White is doing a lot better today than he has been,” Green said softly, tapping a rhythm into Black’s back.
His mind and body were singing with relief, a pleasant buzz radiating through his body. He was finally getting the comfort he needed that he denied himself and he was finally getting good news about White. He smiled a real genuine smile, into Green’s chest. He was so- he didn’t have the words- he couldn’t find the words to explain just how grateful he is to Green, how grateful he is to everyone. They’ve been taking care of him and he’s been such a burden to them. He’s added more work for them by neglecting taking care of himself and they’ve been making sure that he doesn’t drop dead and he’ll never be able to repay them for that.
“I’m so sorry that you’ve had to take care of me this week,” he pulled away so his words weren’t being muffled and he could look at Green, “I’ll never be able to thank you enough for that.”
“You don’t have to be sorry or thank me, or thank any of us for caring about you. You’re our friend and we care about you and we love you. You are such a lovable person even if you don’t believe that, you really are. You have such a big heart and you care so much about everyone. It would be impossible to not care about you and love you.” Green looked at him and smiled, so open and so caring. “And, I don’t know, maybe you’re super oblivious to it but White clearly feels the same way about you that you feel about him. Because you are definitely not subtle about how much you love him, even if you tried to hide it, your eyes are very expressive.”
Black laughed and rolled onto his back to stare at the ceiling. He would have to be super oblivious to not notice White’s affections towards him, but he just doesn’t believe it. It’s something too good to be true. Something he can only imagine in faraway dreams that he can never really remember when he wakes up. “Do you have anyone special? Here or at home?”
Green rolled onto his stomach and turned his head to look at Black. “I’m not, uh- No, not right now.”
“Really? I thought I remember you mentioning someone when we first met.”
“I did have a partner but the, uh, constant worrying that I might not make it back home was a lot for them so we broke it off.”
“Oh,” Black tilted his head to look at him, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to bring up any bad memories or anything. Sorry.”
“No, you’re good, it’s fine. It was for the best anyway.”
“Well, I can be your wingman when we get home,” he said, trying to make the air lighter, “or on Polus, maybe you’ll find someone there. I mean, only if you want to date, I’m not trying to force you into dating.” He felt his cheeks heating up but he delighted in making Green chuckle at his embarrassment.
He turned onto his side and looked at Green. Surprised when he saw a resigned sadness lingering in his face, lining his soft grin with a longing ache. “I don’t think I’m gonna make it to Polus.”