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Jim took a moment to clear his throat, making sure his smile was set firmly in place before taking a deep breath and answering as honestly as he possibly could.
“Your daddy… he’s gonna be just fine, Jo. A little bump on the head’s all that’s wrong. And you know him – he’s stubborn as a mule and has a head as hard as a rock – he’ll be up and asking for you in no time. Alright?”
He hoped like hell he sounded half as reassured as she deserved. And she deserved a hell of a lot, too, Jim thought, watching this strong little girl struggle with the fact that her daddy had been hurt at all.
“Don’t worry, Uncle Jim. It’s not your fault daddy got hurt – you weren’t even there. Now that you are, I know he’ll be alright. When he wakes up tomorrow, can he call me like you did?” She asked, and Jim nodded, working up a grin just for her.
“I’ll have him do just that as soon as he’s up. Now… it’s late there, so… you go on ahead to bed, okay? You’ve got that big test tomorrow, remember? So… study hard and I’ll talk to you tomorrow, alright Jo-Jo?”
Jim’s smile was starting to fade fast. He couldn’t let her see, so after she wished him a goodnight, he cut the transmission and let the screen fade to black. ‘You weren’t even there’, he heard in his head over and over again. Oh, Christ… Jim fought the urge to puke, putting his head between his knees and breathing through his nose. He let Bones get hurt after promising himself he never would. An impossible promise to make, he knew, but still. This was Bones and right now he was lying unconscious. Sitting up, he held his face in his hands, trying to calm himself down.
He felt a comforting hand on his arm. He knew it was Uhura. She’d arranged the comm between he and Joanna and she was still there now, waiting for any new orders from the Captain should he have any. Shaking his head to clear it, she moved closer and placed a comforting arm around his shoulders.
“Captain,” she stared, feeling him tense at the title. She smiled, even though he couldn’t see it, settling on Jim before starting again.
“Oh, Jim, don’t do what I know you’re trying to do, okay?” she warned, taking the seat beside him and waiting for him to look at her.
“This is not your fault. Things just happen sometimes. And, even though I know you wish you could? There are just some things you can’t control. Like turbulence. Happens nearly every single time the shuttles go out, and Leonard’s gonna be just fine, alright? He’s gonna be just fine,” she said again and with enough force that Jim found himself nodding in agreement. He never could win an argument against her.
“Thanks, Nyota. I… I’m going to go check on him,” Jim said softly, covering Nyota’s hand with his own for a moment before standing up and heading toward the lift.
When Jim arrived at medical, Nurse Chapel was taking Bones’ vitals. She told him Bones hadn’t made any major changes, but that his temperature had gone down a few degrees, which was a good sign.
Pulling up a chair, Jim sat beside Bones’ bedside and propped up his feet. It was going to be a long night.
Hours passed and Bones never moved. Jim didn’t either. He sat with his PADD and actually caught up on reports he’d put off for weeks. Amazing what you could accomplish when you wanted to fill your mind with as much nothing as possible. He envied Spock for always making time for this crap – the stuff about his job that he hated the most.
When he got to the last report, he was actually surprised. Looking around, the med bay was empty. Not even the nurses were hovering, though Jim knew they were just out of sight. He checked the time. 0200. Scrubbing a hand over his face, he sighed softly. What the hell was he supposed to do now? It wasn’t like he could talk to Bones. Or… could he?
It had been years since he’d had Bones as a captured audience. Since their days spent together at the academy, when Bones’ nose would be buried in Xenobiology PADD’s and Jim would talk randomly for hours trying to distract him. A long time, indeed, he thought, staring at Bones’ softened features and the way his hair fell in a permanent swoop over one eye. Smiling, Jim thought of how stubborn Bones was – even his *hair* was stubborn. He put his PADD down and got up from the chair, stretching, moving closer to the biobed, leaning in, and with tentative fingers, he pushed back that lock of hair from Bones’ smooth, cool forehead.
“Seems like you’re getting your wish. Remember when we were in that simulator that made you throw up? Oh, wait,” Jim smirked. “Didn’t they all do that? Well, I remember that last one. You were so pissed that I’d talked you into it – yeah, yeah, I knew it wasn’t required for Medical Track, but I wanted you to do it for tactical purposes. I knew it’d help you become an even more awesome CMO – if that were even possible,” Jim explained again, and not for the first time on deaf ears.
“Anyways, as you were puking your guts out on my last clean uniform – see? now you remember - you said one day it’d be me worried half to death and you who’d be oblivious and wouldn’t I just see how well *I* liked it!” Jim’s voice caught a bit on the last part and he had to look away from Bones’ peaceful expression to get his nerves back in check.
“Well, here I am. And here you are. Turns out I don’t like it a bit, Bones. In fact, I think I’d rather have Andorian shingles than watch you laying here unable to give me a hard time. So… if you’re in there, I give, alright? You can wake up any time and tell me I told you so all you want. And, well, if you do, I promise to tell you a secret. And you and I both know how you are with secrets. But even better than that, I’ll make you that cocoa you like. The spicy kind – you know, put a splash of single-malt in there? You know you love it. It’s gonna be all yours, Bones. As much as you want if you’ll just wake up to get it.”
Jim had a hold of one of Bones’ hands then, not even realized he’d reached for it. There was no change in the older man’s features, though, and Jim sighed again, deciding he’d done enough talking. Hooking the chair closer with his foot, he sank down into it but didn’t release Bones’ hand. He yawned, suddenly, and decided to rest his head on the biobed; he was thinking he might just rest his eyes a while.
Jim wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but he was aware that there was activity going on around him. Slowly, he opened his eyes to the brightness, blinking. Someone’s hand was in his hair and he turned his head to check on Bones’, not expecting to see those hazel eyes looking back at him. Jim worked his face into a smile and sat up.
“You’re awake.”
Jim’s voice was rough and he cleared his throat before trying to speak again.
“How you feelin’?” He was already thinking it to be a dumb question.
“Like a twenty pound microscope hit me in the head,” Len replied drily. “Chapel’s getting me something for the headache,” Bones added, seeing Jim’s concern.
Wiping the sleep from his eyes, Jim nodded, clearly relieved.
“You stayed all night?” Len stated more than asked, shaking his head. “Should’ve gotten your rest, Jim. I’m fine,” he said in that tone in his voice that said he wasn’t pleased that Jim hadn’t taken better care of himself.
Jim just rolled his eyes. “Wasn’t leaving you here by yourself. And besides, you never leave me,” he added quietly, noticing Nurse Chapel coming toward them with a hypo. She nodded to the Captain and then gently injected Len in the neck with the painkiller. Jim rolled his eyes again, making Len’s brow shoot up.
“What?”
“Oh nothin’. Just noticed how gently Nurse Chapel is with a hypo compared to your heavy hands,” he half-teased his best friend.
“Infant,” Len said with a mock-scowl. “What’s a guy gotta do around here to get some breakfast?” he asked, looking at Chapel, his head nurse.
With a look that rivaled any Len could give, she simply stated, “Behave.” And that was that.
Jim watched her leave and could no longer hold back his laughter. “Guess she told you.”
“Yeah, she always does,” Bones said with a yawn. “I don’t think I can stay awake long enough to eat anyways. Maybe I’ll have a nap and eat in a bit. And maybe you need to get some rest, too – you look like hell.”
Jim just shrugged, standing up and stretching his stiff muscles. “I must make hell look pretty good, then, just like everything else,” he added, smirking. Any trace of his previous state of panic seemed nearly to have vanished, though there were traces in the Captain’s eyes if one knew him well enough to see it.
“Comm me if you need anything. I’ll bring you breakfast myself in a few hours.” Jim promised, turning to head out. Pausing, he placed his hand on Bones’ arm and squeezed gently. “Glad you’re back,” he said softly, giving Bones a small smile. “I missed you.”
~;~;~;~;~;~
Less than a day later, Leonard was released to his quarters, though he was taken off duty for the next 48 hours. After the Alpha shift was through, Jim appeared in front of his door, a tray in hand.
Not bothering to ring the chime, he used the personal access code and entered; finding his best friend curled up on his bed with at least half a dozen PADD’s surrounding him.
“Oh no… no more work and no more medical journals. Captain’s orders, Bones. We’re doing things old school – hanging out without distractions,” he announced, setting the tray down on Bones’ side table. “Hope your hungry – I had the kitchen staff rustle up some of your favorites. Fried chicken, macaroni and cheese and coleslaw,” Jim told him, grabbing some napkins from the replicator, as well as plates and silverware.
“Thought we’d have a picnic – like when we were back at the academy?” Jim said, smiling as though it were yesterday and not nearly two years ago.
“Picnic? Oh yeah, I remember those. Picnics like in the old days when you pulled the sheets off my bed, threw them on the floor, got grease all over them and then kindly put them back *on* my bed for me to sleep in after. Yeah… do I ever miss those days,” Len said, eyes rolling away as usual. His recollection didn’t stop him from pulling out an extra top sheet from his bed and setting it on the carpeted floor, however.
Jim just frowned, shaking his head as he set the stuff down on the sheet.
“Spoil-sport. Come on… this is gonna be great. I even got us a couple beers – the real thing, too, care of our very own Scottish Superman. Two Miller Genuine Drafts coming right up,” Jim said, pulling first one bottle out of his pocket and then another.
“Alright, alright. You win,” he said, giving in at the sight of real beer. He twisted the cap on one, handing it to Jim, who was loading up a plate full of food for Bones, trading for said beer before making himself one.
“Here I thought you’d be bringing me that cocoa you promised,” Len said casually, as though it were common knowledge between them that he’d heard Jim’s little talk while he was unconscious the morning before.
“Wait… you heard that? Really? Well… Why… why didn’t you tell me?” Jim stammered, his plate suddenly forgotten. Not the beer, though. Nope, he took a long pull from the bottle and looked everywhere around the room but at Bones.
“Well, there wasn’t exactly a good time to mention it. Less you wanted me to say it in front of Sulu, the Hobgoblin, the Kid, or Scotty? I mean… there wasn’t hardly any time we were alone without one of them around, so I figured you’d like it if I waited to mention the fact that you poured your heart out - which, by the way, I won’t be forgetting any time soon - to me while I was laid up” he said pointedly, raising his bottle and toasting apparently to finally having one over on Jim.
“Well, hey, I can explain that, Bones. In fact, I blame the whole random verbal nonsense I expressed on sleep deprivation. And the fact that you were hurt – I was under duress. That’s what it was – classic case of duress,” Jim rallied, though they both knew exactly why he’d said what he’d said. And they also both knew that he was scared shitless for the first time, his display of emotions up for a discussion Jim doubted either of them was ready for.
“Sure sure. Seeing as you’re the Captain, we’ll call it whatever you want, but until you get a medical degree? Well… let’s just say I see things a little differently. Now come on… let’s toast and dig in before I drink all my beer and have nothing to toast with. We’ll *talk* later,” Len decided for them, raising his bottle.
Jim agreed to disagree for the moment, as well, lifting his bottle, too, clinking it against Bones’. “What should we toast to?”
“I’m a doctor, not a poet, Jim,” Len quipped with a smirk.
“Oh… that’s right. I forgot,” Jim said, laughing a little, tilting his head. He studied Bones’ face for a moment and then raised his bottle, tipping it against Bones’. “To us,” he said simply, grateful for the two of them in this moment. Bones’ expression as a curious one, but Jim didn’t waste time wondering – instead, he started eating.
They ate in relative silence, though both managed a few moans of pleasure. The food on the Enterprise was damn good, after all. When they were through, Jim collected the plates and silverware, set it all on the now empty tray and carried it over to the replicator. When he was finished, he turned to find Bones watching him.
“What?” Jim asked, feeling way more than a little self conscious.
“Well… Since I was thinking that since I didn’t get the cocoa, I at least want the secret you promised,” Bones said with a curious light in his eyes.
Jim loosed a groan so pathetic that Bones couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh, come on. It can’t be that bad, can it? Just… be out with it already. I held up my side of things and woke up, so you’ve gotta keep up yours. What’s the secret, kid? Don’t make me make you talk,” he finished, a bit of menace in his voice.
Jim realized suddenly just how screwed he was, but he also knew that there’d be no getting out of it now that Bones’ had asked. And he also knew Bones could make him talk and *would*, too, if Jim didn’t spill it soon.
Slowly, Jim crossed the few feet to where Bones was sitting on the floor. He walked past him and went to the secret stash behind Grey’s Anatomy where Bones kept his flask of really good stuff. Unscrewing the cap, he took a swig, feeling the burn and pounded his chest to make it stay down. Yeah, he could hold his liquor, but Andorian Fire Whiskey was a whole nother animal. He kept hold of the flask, turning to face Bones.
“You sure you want to know?” He asked, stalling, though he had no idea why. He was going to tell Bones no matter what – it was time. Way past time, in fact.
Before he could stop himself, he simply blurted it out, staring Len in the face the whole time.
“I’m in love with you.”
Len didn’t say anything at first, but then his brows started creeping so far up into his hairline that Jim was afraid he might never see them again. Blushing furiously, he looked away and then couldn’t meet Len’s gaze again. Not now. Hell, maybe not ever again.
Len got up off the floor then, and moved to where Jim was standing. Slowly, he reached up and took that pale, scared-looking face into his hands and made Jim meet his eyes.
“Hey, now… that wasn’t so hard, now, was it kid? I mean, I feel like we’ve been dancing around this for months. Maybe even longer, haven’t we? Kid, I’ve been crazy about you for forever, but never knew if it’d be right between us. And… you’re the only best friend I have, so I sure as hell wasn’t going to screw it up by admitting that I love you. Much as I wanted to, that is. You… well… you’re different. You… need attention. And… you get a lot of it, sure, but I don’t care about those others, Jim. Never have, really, I just… don’t want to be one of them.”
Jim studied Len’s expression – the sincerity in his eyes and the intensity of his gaze. There was still fear there. Fear that maybe Jim might not think being with just Len would be enough. Only Jim knew the truth, though. And the truth was that Jim would never need *more* than Len. Jim had known for a while that Len was more than enough.
“Bones… you’re so not like anyone else,” Jim said softly, staring back at Len like he was crazy not to know that there was nobody else in the world like him to Jim. “You’re exactly what I want and you’ll never be like the others because you’re the first person I’ve ever… needed. And I do need you, Bones. Not just to fix me up when I’m sick or hurt, but because I miss you like hell when you’re gone. Even when I know you’re two minutes away in your medical bay and I’m sitting on the Bridge. And I love you, because even when I annoy the shit out of you, you always make time for me. You tell me I’m crazy and am acting stupid, but you never give up on me. I should’ve told you months ago how I feel, but seeing you lying there yesterday… It hit me hard that you might never know how I feel. I’d never be able to forgive myself if I didn’t try, so here I am. I wanna... I want us to try. Because it’s easy to save the world, Bones, but telling you I love you? Hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. But, I’m so glad I did,” he finished.
Len stood there, Jim’s face in his hands and let out a sigh. He never had been able to say no to the kid. Not since the moment they’d met. He sure as hell couldn’t start now. Not when Jim had just taken this huge leap of faith. Tilting his head ever so slightly, Len leaned in and pressed his mouth to Jim’s. A soft kiss. A brush, really, of his lips against Jim’s. It was enough, though. He knew it’d never be enough. Opening to him, Len teased that plush mouth into letting him inside. With one shared kiss, he bared his soul. Gave in and showed Jim everything he needed to know about how deeply Len truly loved him.
By the time Len pulled away, Jim’s blue eyes were wide. He looked dazed, but beautiful.
“You… really feel the same way?” Jim asked, still in awe. Len smiled, then, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, genius. I feel exactly the same way.” And then Len kissed him again. Truth was, he’d been dreaming about what it’d feel like for forever and no dream could ever feel this good. Jim sighed into Bones’ mouth as the older man’s strong arms came around to hold him tightly.
“You’re mine, Jim Kirk. Maybe everybody wants a piece of you. Maybe they always will, but no matter what, you belong to me,” Len said, his warm breath brushing against Jim’s ear. A shiver ran down Jim’s spine and he held Bones tighter. For once, Jim had nothing to say. In fact, he was more than happy to let Len have the last word, but he sure as hell wasn’t going to let him have the last kiss.