Chapter Text
DEL-NICK PHONE CALL
DEL: [voicemail #1]
“Hey, kid. I don’t know when you’re going to get this but um- [she pauses] just call me back, okay? Your dad’s been in a bit of a — Fuck. — in a bit of an accident. You should just, get to the hospital as soon as you can, okay? We’re at the one near [location], you know? I’ll... I’ll catch you later. Call me back.”
DEL: [voicemail #2]
“Hey, kid. It’s Del. Again.” and her voice is just slightly shaky but that’s shakier than Nick’s ever heard it. “You should- [she pauses] I hope to god you are... picking up this fucking phone sometime soon. Just... get here. You should- You should be here. Just-“
DEL: [voicemail #3]
“Hey, Nick.”
[she pauses a long time]
“Call me back.”
THE BEGINNING OF THE END
This is the fifth time Nick has put his phone somewhere while high and then completely forgotten where he put it when he’s sober again. And Jesus, it’s always a nightmare to find. When he was high, he laughed at the prospect of future Nick having to find it. It was like a stupid game with himself.. Like playing with a toddler.
Either way, throughout the day, he searches for it — narrowing it down to one area of the house by the sounds of phone calls — but they always seem to stop before Nick can actually find it. He has music playing throughout the house on a vinyl, which doesn't help, but improves his vibes anyhow.
Nick isn’t particularly worried about it — he isn’t on his phone that much — it’s a minor inconvenience at best.
That’s what he thought.
He eventually finds it behind the microwave, hearing just the end of a voicemail. Huh .
Picking up his phone and, heading to charge it, he listens to the voicemails.
His heart drops.
He quickly calls Del back before he even gets through the third one fully. He’s staring at the times they happened, panicking more than he has in his entire fucking life.
Click.
He hears it being picked up.
DEL-NICK PHONE CALL
DEL: “Nick... Jesus. Fuck. Did you get my voicemails?”
NICK: “Where the fuck is my dad? Yeah, I fucking- I got the gist, where the fuck is he? HOW the fuck is he? I lost my fucking phone-“
DEL: “I’m not sure if this should be over-the-phone shit, kid...”
NICK: “...Where are you? Are you still at the hospital? I can- I can find a way over, I just-“
DEL: “Yeah, I am. Maybe you shouldn’t- you’re at the house, right? Maybe I should come to you instead. I don’t know if you should- I don’t know if you should be here, kid.”
NICK: “If dad’s there and he’s hurt why the fuck would you come here..? I wanna see him and make sure he’s okay-“
DEL: “ Nick. Your dad- Look, I can’t- You can come here if you want, I need to sort some things out anyway, but I don’t know if I can let you see him-“
NICK: “Why not...? He’s my fucking dad, why can’t I... why can’t I see him..?”
DEL: “I don’t want to do this over the phone, kid-“
NICK: “... I’m coming to the hospital. I’ll- I’ll ask TJ to drive me or something.”
DEL: ”Alright... alright, I’ll see you then.”
[he hangs up]
NICK-TJ DM
NICK: hey dude
NICK: are u free rn
NICK: I need u to drive me somewhere, it’s really important
TJ: yeah i’m free
TJ: what’s up? is something wrong?
NICK: yea
NICK: My dad got in an accident
NICK: I missed the calls
NICK: I need u to take me to the hospital
TJ: shit yeah okay
TJ: i’m on my way
NICK: Thx
HENRY-GLENN DM
HENRY: Hey Glenn! Are you coming to the potluck tonight! It's been a while since we've seen you, and Merc and I have really missed you.
HENRY: I'm sorry, I forgot you've been busy on tour recently! It's alright if you ignore this, I can just ask Del.
HENRY: On the off chance that you do see this though, we did prepare some of those chalupas you said you liked the last time you came over.
THE DRIVE
Something is off.
Something, in the balance of the world, feels incredibly off. And terrifying. His father in the hospital and Del’s reactions to his words..? None of that sounds good. None of that sounds okay. It sounds... scary.
Nick is scared for the first time in a long while.
He knows his dad will be okay — his dad’s strong. His dad’s all he has. If they took his dad away, he’d have nothing — the world wouldn’t do that. It couldn’t. Clinging onto how stupid and unrealistic that thought is, how much his dad survived in faerun, how cool he is — soothing his own fears — Nick waits for a car to pull up outside so he can hurry the fuck up and leave.
There has to be a reason Del won’t let him see his dad. Maybe it’s just Del being Del. Rude and narcy. He has to ignore her tone for that one to work though.
Maybe his dad is just... too gory. His injuries are real gross. Yeah. Probably. Del doesn’t understand how awful the injuries are that Nick has seen before, that he’s chill with them, that he’d rather die than not be with his father when he’s in pain.
They were bros. They took care of each other.
Watching car lights pull up outside, Nick rushes out and jumps into the passenger's seat, buckling up immediately and glancing over at Terry with a very bad attempt to hide his fear.
“Thanks.”
— — —
The house has been full of so many people for the past couple of days. Nowhere in the house is safe from not running into anybody. Terry couldn’t even retreat into his bedroom, the adults had somehow managed to squeeze three of his cousins in there. It’s not that Terry doesn’t love his family and spending time with them, it’s just a lot going from a house with three people in it to a whole baseball team’s worth of people. It doesn’t help that even more people would be showing up tomorrow. It’s going to be a fucking mess.
Terry spends most of his time in the kitchen with his aunts and his mom, he’s the most helpful there. One of them would occasionally shoo him off to distract the younger of his cousins, it’s uncommon to see Terry without at least one baby or kid in his arms. God, being the oldest of the kids sucks ass. So he’s very relieved when Nick first texts, finally finding an excuse to leave the house other than tagging along with an uncle to go get more eggnog or something. The relief he feels quickly disappears when he discovers why Nick’s texting. Quickly, he hunts down his mom, tells her what’s up, and leaves.
Terry watches as Nick rushes to his car, the obvious fear in his eyes. As soon as he gets in the car, Terry peels out of the driveway as Nick gives him the address. Driving slightly over the speed limit, Terry’s eyes flick over to Nick.
“Do you know what happened? If you don’t wanna talk, that’s fine. I’m here for you dude.”
“I don’t know. Del said it was an accident- so I’m assuming a car crash makes the most sense..? Um- she said I can’t see him, and that she doesn’t wanna tell me shit over the phone so I, um- I don’t know it’s- Uh—“
Nick quickly loses the conversational attitude he had at the start of speaking after going over what she said before, trying to brush it off to the best of his abilities.
She was overreacting. It’s fine. She’s making this a big deal when it’s not. If it was a big deal then.... then...
Nick buries his face in his arms and leans against the door, trying not to let his eyes swell up with tears the way he feels like they would. The way they already are.
Terry gets a bad feeling when Nick mentions Del not wanting him to see and that she wouldn’t say anything not in person. That was never good. Terry couldn’t let Nick see his worry, he had to be there for him. Terry places a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
“Hey, Nick, I’m here for you, okay? I’ll do anything you need me to.” Terry doesn’t want to make promises he can’t keep. Say that Glenn is okay, that this isn’t that big of a deal. Terry knows that being lied to about that fucking sucks and gets your hopes up for nothing. “I got you, man.”
Feeling the other’s hand on his shoulder, Nick quickly adjusts to holding it tightly for a moment, the extra comfort honestly a huge relief.
He doesn’t wanna say anything to set off Terry with sad memories — likewise he doesn’t wanna put himself in a mindset where he thinks about that kind of thing either. So for the majority of the time, he’s just quiet.
He’s on the verge of crying for the entire ride, but that’s being hidden to the best of his abilities.
“I’m scared.” he says, very quietly, as they drove along.
Terry feels Nick’s hand gripping his, and he opts to take it in his own. Giving gentle reassuring squeezes, reminding Nick that he’s here.
“It’s okay to be scared. This is a scary thing, Nick.” Terry doesn’t want to sugarcoat the situation but also doesn’t want to fill Nick’s head with dark thoughts. The hospital that Nick gave him the address to begins to arrive in view.
“Nick, if you need me to come in with you, I will.” Terry pushes back all the anxieties hospitals give him for the time being. Nick is gonna need a friend for this, Terry feels it in his soul. Something awful must’ve happened if Del didn’t want to tell Nick. She wouldn’t mess with him like that. Glenn definitely doesn’t just have a broken leg and some scrapes. This is gonna be bad.
“...can- can you..?” Nick’s voice is small, quieter than usual, but he doesn’t know how else to ask. How the hell are you supposed to ask? “...Um- even if you can just, sit away from where I’m talking to Del. I want, I want to be able to come hug you. If I need it. It’s probably fine I just... yeah.”
He stares at his lap quietly, almost as if a hint of shame is mixing with the fear.
“Of course, Nick.” Terry parks the car in a spot relatively close to the entrance. Turning to Nick, he goes to take both his hands.
“Are you ready to go in? I’ll hold your hand the whole way until we find Del.” He keeps his voice steady and warm, doing his absolute best to not make Nick feel worse.
Flashing a small, faint smile, Nick nods and holds his hands back tightly.
“...yeah. I mean, even if I wasn’t ready, standing out here won’t do anything. It’ll just waste time.” He says quietly, letting go of one of his hands and turning to head into the hospital.
He, of course, immediately looks for Del, sending a quick text.
DEL-NICK DM
NICK: @ the entrance with Tj
DEL: I’ll be down in a minute.
THE HOSPITAL
He keeps hold of Nick’s hand as they begin to walk into the hospital. Terry has never visited a hospital around the holidays and he’s very grateful for that. The normally sterile and white building is covered in cheery decorations. A grand Christmas tree stands in the waiting room, shining lights and golden decorations littering it. Bright red bows cover the tree, fake presents underneath it. It feels gross. The thought of people who are stuck here getting a fake tree with no personality as the only tree they get... It’s a little thing, but it makes Terry incredibly sad to think about.
God, how the fuck does Nick feel about this?
Terry squeezes Nick’s hand a little.
“Do you know where Del is? Where we can meet up with her?”
“I sent her a text. She said she’s coming down.”
Nick keeps a quiet tone, not liking the vibes around here. The fake Christmas vibes — commercial and pitiful in comparison to the regular fun Christmases Nick would have with his dad.
They definitely were gonna need Christmas after this.
Giving himself a very soft smile, he does his best to focus on the idea of that rather than the current situation.
Things will be okay. What should he get his dad for Christmas..? Probably what he was saving for if he’s going through all the gross hospital shit.
Maybe a drone..? Hm.
He leans against Terry gently, brainstorming to keep his mind busy.
— — —
Del Close is not feeling very much of anything right now.
She had been sick to her stomach through the phone call with the hospital and the waiting and the stilted talking but ever since she had received the news, she’s been feeling nothing. Like her whole brain had just shut off and all that’s left now is the basic functions. She’s fine. She’s fine. She is completely fine.
But God, he was her fucking little brother. Her baby brother. She had only just gotten him back, they had so much to make up for that they never could now.
That doesn’t matter right now though. She was a tiny part of Glenn’s life, Nick was all of it. She doesn’t want some doctor telling Nick the news, mostly in case the kid got angry. If he’s going to get angry at anybody, she wants all of it directed her way and she isn’t even sure why. How is she supposed to tell him this though? How the fuck do you tell a kid “hey your dad fucking bit the dust, what do you want to do now?”. Obviously, the conversation of what he wants to do would have to wait until later, but they’d need to talk about it eventually. He’d have to choose where he wants to go, she doesn’t want to make that decision for him.
The hospital fucking sucks too. At least normally they were pretty clear about being a somber place, but the Christmas decorations fill the place with faux cheer. It’s nasty, like a mockery of the situation. Glad everyone else is celebrating the holidays while she’s thinking about funeral arrangements. Whoop-di-fucking-doo.
She heads down to the entrance a little while after Nick and Terry arrive, and when she first sees him, she hesitates to approach. He’s so fucking small , he’s just a little kid. She can’t fucking do this, she needs to get out. She should just dump him with the doctors and the court system and wish for his best while she continues on with her life as well as she could. She shakes off those feelings though. She doesn’t matter here, Nick does. She isn’t stupid.
She walks over to the two and tries to find something comforting to do. Her arms remain loose by her sides and all she cant get out is, “Nick. uh-“ before she loses her words.
She doesn’t look... upset , from appearance alone, but her gaze lacks its usual piercing state and her shoulders droop instead of being held tense and rigged, and she looks more distracted than stern. She looks tired, really tired. Somewhere during everything she’d taken off her large jacket and without it she loses the illusion of the wide build it gave her. Without it, she looks smaller.
Head perking up from its previous down position, Nick feels Terry drop his hand and step aside — and is left just pulling his sleeves over his hands in a nervous gesture that he tries to play off.
“Where’s my dad?”
He doesn’t wanna waste time with stupid hellos, they wasted enough time driving here. His dad was hurt and Nick needs to go see him — tell him he loves him, talk about conspiracy theories and tell him about all that happened while he was gone. He has to see him. And see that he’s okay.
He’s terrified of the aspect that he isn’t, but he’s positive that he will be. His dad was- is , strong.
No, his dad is gonna be hurt but okay, and he’s gonna tell him what they’re doing for Christmas, and Nick is gonna smuggle him in mcdonalds and they’ll chill in the hospital room until he’s better enough to get out.
That’s what’s happening. That’s what’s happening. That’s what’s happening. It has to be.
Del has one single thought. ‘Fuck.’
“We should talk about this somewhere more private. There’s this room near ICU, okay?”
She can’t touch the subject of his dad yet, because she knows she couldn’t hide the inevitable news break any longer if she did. They need to get away from the people all around them, Nick needs privacy to handle this. She needs privacy to handle this.
“...Okay? Then you’ll take me to my dad..?” He hums as she ignores the question. He’s very set in his mindset: see his dad as soon as possible. And it shows how stubborn he’s being about it.
But nevertheless, he starts walking to wherever the hell Del spoke about.
He walks and glares like an angsty teen — a hard cover over the absolute fear stricken into his heart.
And if you were to pay close (haha.... close...) enough attention, you could see his hand shaking as he reaches towards the knob of the room he assumes she was speaking about.
He’s just a kid. And he’s terrified. Nick has never felt this small in his life.
As much as Del hates the Christmas decorations, this room is even worse. There is nothing here, whether by intention or forgetfulness she doesn’t know, just modest furniture in a brightly lit room. Everything’s just so spick and span and homely and too far from anything to do with the Closes. It doesn’t feel like a Glenn place or a Del place or a Nick place, it feels empty and like an offering of pity that no one could actually give.
She closes the door behind the two of them and her hand stays on it for a moment longer than it should’ve. She doesn’t want to do this, she doesn’t ever want to do this. She wants to just keep the kid ignorant forever, pause time or some fucking shit so she doesn’t have to face that kind of thing.
“You should probably sit down.” She tells him, because she can’t bring herself to say what needs to be said.
Nick doesn’t make a move, just stands around the middle of the room and kicks the ground softly.
“...no. I’m good. We won’t be here long.” He replies simply, because he doubts they would be. Or they wouldn't be if she would hurry up and say what she has to so he can go visit his goddamn dad. What room is he in? Is he awake? How bad are his injuries? Did he ask for me? Is he mad I wasn’t here faster? He’s probably upset. Disappointed he took so long. But he’s here now. He’s here and he’s ready to talk to him and comfort him and apologize for not getting the messages earlier.
He’s ready to see him. He needs to see him.
“Right.” Del says. “Look, Nick. Glenn- your dad, was hurt real bad. He fought hard but he... uh-“
She can’t bounce around it. It would just make it worse to wait. Rip that fucking bandage off.
“He didn’t make it.”
Nick’s heart sinks.
“He- he what?”
It’s as if his entire world comes crashing down around him. Nick just looks at her in disbelief. Shocked, as if this isn’t real, as if she’s lying to him. As if he’s begging to have heard her wrong.
Please say that you’re kidding. I’d prefer a sick prank to this being the truth
“I’m sorry, kid.” She keeps his gaze, and holds it unwaveringly. She isn’t sad or angry or anything , she just knows this is unfair. This is so fucking unfair. The universe is a grade-A fucking bitch who has it out for her and this poor kid.
“It was a little while ago, after my second call sometime, I don’t... I’m so fucking sorry.”
She doesn’t know why she’s sorry, but that’s just something you say, isn’t it? Sorry doesn’t mean sorry, it’s an offer of comfort. A non-physical hand on the shoulder.
Nick wants to yell. He wants to scream at her, blame her for not finding a different way to get him, for not sending someone to tell him the moment she found out his dad was in a crash. He wants to tell Del that he hates her, that this is all her fault. That she ruined his life.
But that isn’t true, is it?
Nick can’t say anything, he just looks at her with pure... hurt, eyebrows slightly furrowed.
He doesn’t cry. He doesn’t tear up, or yell, or sob — nothing.
He just turns away from her and opens the door, walking as quickly as he can towards the entrance.
He needs to get away.
Del doesn’t call after Nick but she follows behind him. She needs to make sure he doesn’t go and do something stupid , because she knows he will. The kid is a wildcard normally , Lord could only predict what he’ll be like when he’s hurt like this. It’s pretty easy to keep pace slightly behind him, but when she realises he definitely isn’t just heading over to his friend she catches up to him and stands in his way. “Nick. Where are you going , kid?”
“...I need air. I’m going outside.” He says simply, glaring at Del where she stands.
He doesn’t make a move to push past her. He just waits for her to go.
Terry is sitting anxiously, bouncing his leg to try to get out the nerves. He knew what had happened. When his dad “died” he had been there, his mom wanting him to say goodbye. It wasn’t hard to figure out why Del wanted to pull Nick away. So Terry just sat and waited for Nick or Del to come back out. He gets to his feet immediately when he sees Nick begin to walk into the waiting room. He doesn’t expect Nick to walk past him, Del on his tail. People deal with grief differently and if that’s what Nick needs, he wouldn’t force him to do something else.
Instead he quietly follows the two, surprised when Del cuts in front of Nick. Terry does his best to get Del to look at him, simply mouthing, “Let him go”.
Del had planned to let him go anyway when she saw the way Nick looked at her, but his friend’s prompting further confirms what she wants to do. She sighs and looks to Nick almost pleadingly.
“Just, promise me you’ll stick around the area, okay?”
Nick just keeps his glare.
“Where the fuck else would I go?” He says, a harsh bite in his tone. He starts walking out — hesitating when he looks back at Terry — before moving out past Del, rounding the corner of the hospital and sinking to the ground against the wall.
Then, he just starts sobbing.
His body shakes like crazy, and he had to gasp for air between heavy sobs because of how hard he’s crying. It’s as if he’s drowning — body barely letting him get enough air to keep going — and when he gets the air it’s immediately pushed out in a sob.
Snot and tears run down his face, and he buries his head in his knees, tucked in a ball like he’s trying to close in on himself.
Nick has nothing anymore. Nobody to impress or to play music with, nobody to hug him and call him the coolest, nobody to wait for when he was home.
His only family is his father’s shitty babysitter who had been gone the majority of his life.
If Del considers him family, she’s wrong. Plain as that.
Del watches him go and doesn’t move. At all. She stands frozen and dazed and non-responsive. She isn’t sad or angry or worried or anything , she’s just fine. She’s fine. She is fine.
She has things to do. Arrangements to make. Telling Nick was just one box on a checklist. She can do whatever else she needs to do now. But she can’t. She can’t move.
Terry gives a quiet nod to Del, like fuck , she had lost someone too, and slowly follows Nick. Not invading his space, trying to talk to him and hold him, just being someone that was there — a presence for Nick. Nick needs to cry, and sometimes that's all you can do. After standing on the other side of the wall for a long time, not watching Nick, just listening, Terry rounds the corner. God, this strikes a chord. Terry hadn’t cried until they had gotten home, that’s when it had actually hit him.
Kneeling down next to Nick, Terry doesn’t say anything for a moment. Doesn’t make a move to rub Nick’s back, hold his hand, or hug him. Being unexpectedly touched was the last thing Terry had wanted. Instead he lowers his voice, keeping it as quiet and gentle as possible.
“Nick, can I hug you? You don’t have to speak, you can just nod.” His voice wavers ever so slightly. “I-I’m here for you okay? Whatever you need, I’m your guy, Nick.”
Nick physically can’t speak, so he’s thankful for not being asked to. Instead, he just nods quickly.
He doesn’t want most people to touch him right now, but Terry is different.
Sure, he doesn’t think Terry had the same experience — the fear of having no family. The lack of any other parent to go to. Terry doesn’t know what it’s like to lose all you had, but he’s someone Nick trusts. And he’s someone who’s lost a parent. And he’s someone who’s here.
So, he lets the other hug him and just wraps around him tightly, sobbing messily onto his shoulders.
His head aches already from dehydration, worsening with every tear, but he can’t do anything about it. He can’t stop crying, and he hates it. He hates everything.
Why is this happening to him? What did he do to deserve this?
Terry holds Nick to his body tightly, thanking any god listening that Nick had asked him to be here. With the way Del had froze up, Nick could’ve been left sitting and crying next to this wall for hours. Cradling Nick’s head in his hand, his other arm wrapped around him tightly. For the longest time Terry just held him, not wanting to speak or else Nick would know that he’s also crying.
None of Terry’s friends were there when his dad died. It’s not that wouldn’t care, he was just at an age where they wouldn’t have been able to help. Terry knew that he had people that were there, fuck, just on his mom’s side of the family there’s enough people to fill a school bus. And his dad’s side is equally just as large. Still, he felt so alone. Terry can’t even begin to fathom what Nick is feeling like.
“I’m here Nick.”
All of the phrases you think of to comfort a grieving person fucking suck. “I’m sorry.” for what? You didn’t kill them. “It’s gonna be okay.” it’s not okay right now, and it might never be. “Everything’s alright.” again, it absolutely isn’t. “It was their time.” how fucking patronizing. Why not just say, “it’s good they died, they were supposed to”??
Instead of any of that bullshit, Terry just reassures Nick that he’s not alone and that he wasn’t going to leave him anytime soon.
“I don’t have anybody anymore.”
Nick got the words out through loud and shaky sobs, voice cracking in the middle for icing on the motherfucking cake.
“I’m fucked.”
He doesn’t know what to say. Every time he speaks it sounds like it’s a forced-out cry of pain. It’s audible, the amount of spit and grossness in his mouth, just… disgusting, really.
He doesn’t care anymore.
There are two options that Terry has. Invite Nick over to his house, only for Nick to get even more sad because of all the festivities. Or, spend the night at Nick’s house which could become a whole mess of seeing Glenn’s things. Being able to smell him again. Look to his spot on the couch expecting him to be there but he isn’t... Fuck .
Terry begins to cry a little harder, memories resurfacing. The hug tightens, not just for Nick now. Terry is losing his words, his clear thoughts of what to say. What he can do to make Nick feel... make him feel not dead. Numb. An aching sorrow that never truly leaves no matter how many fucking therapy sessions you go to. How many drugs you have shove down your throat to start feeling normal again. To not feel like someone shot you in the stomach and watched you bleed out but you never die from the blood loss. There’s just a hole inside your body and nothing you do can fill it back up...
Terry can’t do anything to help with that.
Nick just stays there, exhausted and lightheaded and broken, sobbing out words between fits of crying too hard.
“I could’ve seen him b- before if I-I-I didn’t lose my fucking phone- I could’ve made- made it-”
Then he has to stop talking, because it feels like he can't breathe. There’s no aif, it’s just a burning ache in his lungs while he gasps and lets out unpredictable outbursts of tears. If he didn’t have Terry here, he’s pretty sure he would’ve been even worse somehow. Nobody to cling on, to cry onto.
He can’t even apologize for getting Terry’s hoodie all sobbed on. He can’t do anything.
He’s useless.
“I- Nick, trust me, you wouldn’t’ve wanted to see him.”
This is one thing Terry knows as a fact. If he could’ve just stayed home and watched cartoons until his mom came home and told him the news, he’d take that. Seeing his father, in his last moments, that’s what ruined him. The image of him hooked up to machines, surrounded by white sheets, white walls, white everything. So small and weak, so not how his dad was. Nick’s lucky that his last memories of his father were of him alive and healthy, not already dead while still breathing.
What composure Terry still had is gone. Sobs leave his mouth before he has the time to choke them back down. Quickly, Terry goes to cover his mouth, not wanting Nick to get upset that he’s also crying. It’s too late, hiccups and sobs rack his body. They must look like a mess to anyone driving by, but Terry doesn’t care. He can’t care.
“N-Nick, you don’t d-deserve this okay? No one deserves this.”
”Neither did he.”
There’s something nice, though bittersweet, about Terry crying with him. It’s a distant comfort though, really he can’t take direct notice of any of that with the sharp pain in his chest.
What if he does deserve this…? What if it’s because he wasn’t a good enough son? Would his dad even be dead if he wasn’t here? Would his mom?
Nick runs out of words to say. His head feels too light, he feels too sad — too dead. All he can do is wonder what’s going to happen to him now. Is Del his guardian? Is he gonna have to get adopted or some shit? Darryl has like four kids now with Yeet and Killa being around, could he just go with him?
Nobody would want him. Del fucking hates him, and he’s all the other dads’ least favourite son judging by how he stole a minivan and ran away in it trying to make a living selling drugs, and constantly disrespects them. He’s gotten better, sure, but he’s still a shitty kid who smokes all the time and fucks their kids up. What a bad influence.
Then, he feels guilty for even thinking about where he’s going. Are you just gonna move on that fast? Your dad is gone. He’s gone and never coming back and you’re focused on yourself? What a shitty, shitty kid. Fucking loser. Your dad would hate you if he was here.
He makes a note that he’d have to attempt to cook a meal when he’s home at some point. Some sort of offering. It’s distant in his thoughts, but it’s there.
Taking a shaky breath, Terry nods in agreement with Nick.
“Do- Do you need me to stay with you? I will if that’s what you need.” Terry couldn’t give less of a shit about ‘missing Christmas’. None of that fucking matters right now.
Nick just shakes his head.
“You’ll get bored. I dont- I don’t think I'm gonna be doing anything, for a while. I just-”
Nick doesn’t plan on leaving his room ever again, really.
“Are you sure? I really don’t mind, Nick, I want to be there for you.” Terry sniffles, starting to focus on Nick again. “... if that’s what you need that’s okay, just, call me if you just... fuck, I don’t know, if you need more hugs or you need to cry or just need a distraction. Don’t isolate yourself, I- I’m here.”
Nick nods softly, though he isn’t really listening to him.
Nick wants to isolate. He wants to be alone. He wants to never go out again and to wait until everybody around him forgets he exists, and then still never move.
So he doesn’t say much else. He just keeps crying silently for ages, until he runs out of tears.
Holding onto Nick, slowly rocking them back and forth, Terry lets Nick cry. A part of him is doubtful that Nick will actually reach out. It’s very valid of him to want to disappear. Terry had wanted to disappear and he did. People would come and he’d push and push and push until eventually everybody stopped coming. Unfortunately, that’s when Terry realized he needed someone. Anyone. But it was too late. He was so scared that he made everyone else afraid of him. He doesn’t want Nick to do that too. Terry decides he’ll stop by and check on Nick if he doesn’t ask him to come over himself.
Eventually, Terry figures it would be a good idea to find Del. Talk about what’s next. Carefully Terry picks up Nick, wondering what to do next.
“Do you want me to drop you off at my car? or do you want to stay with me and talk to Del?”
Wrapping his arms tighter around Terry, Nick hesitates for a second.
“I don't want Del to see me crying.”
His voice is a bit hoarser now, sobs replaced with very shaky breaths, only interrupted by the occasional hiccup.
He wants to hear what they’re talking about, but crying around Del sounds terrifying. He isn’t that comfortable around her. He doesn’t wanna see her stonefaced and lacking any tears for her fucking brother.
“Okay, that’s okay.” Terry begins to take Nick to his car, glancing at Del in the waiting room as they pass by. Once he gets to his car, he places Nick in one of the seats the way a parent would their child.
“I’ll be back soon, just... hang tight.” And he gives Nick a little forehead kiss before he leaves to go talk to Del.
As he walks up to Del he’s not sure what to expect. He hasn’t talked to her a lot since she showed up. Still, she must be hurting too... right? Terry honestly doesn’t know her well enough to make any judgements. When he finally reaches her, he sits down in the seat next to her, realising his face is probably a mess of runny eyeliner and snot. Quickly, he wipes his face with his sleeve. When Del looks at Terry, she sees that the eyeliner is smudged across his face faintly and his eyes are red as fuck.
“Nick is in my car, he wanted some more time alone.” Terry clears his throat a little. “I can take care of him for a bit if you, like, need to do anything... how are you doing?” Terry cringes internally at how he phrased that, he wasn’t thinking the best right now.
“I-I just mean, like, if you need to, you can talk to me too.” Del probably doesn’t want to talk to some random kid about this, but Terry has to offer.
“It’s fine.” She brushes off. “Thanks for looking after Nick.”
The kid had definitely found the conversation with Nick rough, judging by his appearance. She just wishes she’d been able to do it instead. She should’ve been around from the start, then Nick would’ve known her. Would’ve trusted her. They could’ve been a proper family for a while if she hadn’t been such a fucking coward. She could’ve had longer with Glenn.
She’s not looking at Terry now, she’s looking blankly out the window at the car park. “Did he mention if he wants to go back to his place or not? I was thinking of bringing back to mine so he doesn’t have to but, you know. He might want to go home.”
She doesn’t know if it’s good to bring him home, but if he wants to, then she isn’t going to oppose him.
“I- he didn’t really specify. I offered to stay with him but he said... that I’d get bored. I’m pretty sure he just wants to be alone.” Terry debates how much he wants to tell this woman. This pretty much stranger... fuck it, he’s already here, maybe they’ll have something in common now.
“Uh, you should bring him home. I don’t know where you live so I can’t come see him... when my dad died, six? Seven years ago?” God he’s already forgetting when it happened. “I tried isolating myself and I pushed everyone away, so I... he’s gonna need friends. And I- I can talk to him about this, and he sorta said that... he doesn’t want you to see him cry.”
She frowns ever so slightly at that last part. She isn’t surprised at all, it makes sense. She and Nick aren’t close (despite the name), and she can be... abrasive.
“You don’t think it’ll fuck him up or anything, to be around Glenn’s stuff?” She knows it’s going to fuck her up anyway. She hates reminders of people. Her own place is just her and her alone, no signs of anyone else ever making contact with her to be seen out in the open. “I can give you my address if I need to bring him to my place instead.”
She isn’t exactly sure why she’s talking to this kid so freely, but he had just told her about his dead dad, so she isn’t going to brush him off or anything at the very least.
Terry is taken aback. “I mean, he’s already fucked up. His dad is dead.” That’s really the first time Terry acknowledges that someone’s died. Someone he knew, had talked to, whose house he was at frequently. One of his dad’s best and only friends...
“It’s gonna suck no matter when he goes back. It’ll be better to just, get it done...” Terry looks up from his hands, he forgets when he started staring at them. He goes to look Del in the eyes, putting a hand on her shoulder, so much sadness in the eyes of a person so young.
Del looks towards him once he puts his hand on her shoulder. He looks so old for a kid. Del knew what that was like, had seen the same look in the mirror as a kid. She just hopes to God the pressure of being ‘mature’ at such a young age won’t break him the way it did her at that age once it all became too much.
“It’s really gonna fucking suck.” His voice wavers slightly before he steels himself, quickly pulling his hand away from Del.
The physical contact and his tone breaks her resolve just a little and she can suddenly feel again. Like a light switch flicked on. Jesus fucking Christ, her baby brother is fucking dead. She can’t ever hear him laugh or see him smile or watch the pure love he had for his kid ever again. She isn’t going to get anything. She hadn’t gotten anything, she missed so much. It isn’t right what happened. Glenn had a kid to look after, Del had nothing. Del was the protector. She should’ve died instead of him, she was supposed to die first. It isn’t right.
She doesn’t tear up, but her shoulders tense and she has to look away from Terry again pretty quickly, her hands shaking just slightly.
“Yeah.” She says, voice low and dead. “I know.”
This is unfair though. The kid beside her has been crying and is looking at her all shaky-voiced and sad-eyed and she’s been letting him comfort her . “I’m being shitty. Are you okay, kid? I know he’s not- you’re not Nick, but this isn’t a walk in the park for you either.”
“I’m okay, you shouldn’t be worrying about me. Yeah, I’m sad and this brought up a lot of bad memories of losing my dad. But those are memories, you’re living this.” Terry watches Del, her hands shaking, looking much different than how he’s seen her before. He sits in silence for a moment, trying to get his shit together. Think of how he can help in whatever little way he can.
“You should talk to my mom, Samantha. I think you two must’ve met once at some stupid potluck.” Terry grimaces, realizing what the next thing they’ll all be getting together for is.
“Sh-she’s a therapist and she gets... she gets this. I get this. I can give you her number if you’d like it.”
“Ah- yeah. Maybe. I’ll take it and I’ll uh, I’ll think about it.” It’s a no. She doesn’t want to talk to fucking anybody, she never did. But she isn’t going to reject the kid’s offer like that. She can at least pretend to consider it.
She wants no one more than she wants anyone. She wants to go back to before she met up with Glenn again. When her roommate had just left her and she was alone again in her shitty ass apartment. What she really needs right about now is a cigarette, and maybe enough alcohol to let her forget about things for a while.
The second last time she’d heard from Glenn, he’d sounded so excited. It was reminiscent of what he’d been like as a bratty kid. He was going to be back in time for Christmas this year and was going to surprise Nick with it. He’d known for quite a bit of time now and Del hadn’t heard him sound so happy in a long while. He’d get to have a proper Christmas with Nick for once. And with his friends and with her . She’d just been included, not even asked. Like it was a given she would come if he said so. And of course she hadn’t said no. One, because she wanted to come, and two... because she had just been so readily included. Like he just forgot that she’d abandoned him for years and they were just... good again.
God, he was such an idiot. And she loves him so dearly.
Del sighs. “You’re a good kid... I’m glad Nick has you during this shit, at least.” Because he sure as hell isn't going to rely on her, she knows that much.
Terry goes to take his phone out, cause he’s not a goddamn narc that memorizes people’s numbers, but stops partway through, giving a sigh as he puts it back. Looking her up and down, Terry can get a pretty good read on her. Turning away, staring at the huge commercial ass Christmas tree, he wonders what’s happening at home. They must be baking cookies or having the kids open their one Christmas Eve present. He’s not sure how he’s going to be able to go home and act like this didn’t happen. Maybe he’ll call his mom, tell her he’s gonna stay at a hotel, or try to convince Nick to let him stay with him, or stay over at Grant’s. Anywhere that isn’t home, that doesn’t have traces of dad.
“When my dad died, I pushed any and all help away. The bad and the good. I had gotten so good at pretending to be strong that people eventually stopped asking how I was and that made me feel happy. I was finally alone and that’s what I thought I wanted.” Terry takes a deep breath.
“It wasn’t what I needed. Being alone made everything worse and it made me worse... I’m not gonna say that I know what you need or that you’ll even know what you need, but you don’t need to be strong.” Terry looks back to her, he seems like he’s about to cry, but is holding it together. Taking Del’s hands in his, he gives her a warm smile as the tears he had welled up begin to gently roll down his face.
“You don’t need to be alone either.”
She lets her hands be taken by Terry and looks towards him and it hurts . She knows he’s right, deep down, but she doesn’t want him to be. Because not being strong and not being alone means letting herself break down and needing people, and she can’t do that. Because she doesn’t actually have anyone. She doesn’t actually have any friends, Glenn’s friends are Glenn’s friends and Terry? is just a kid. She couldn’t rely on him for emotional support on good conscience.
So... no. She does give his hands a quick squeeze in thanks, but pulls away. Instinctively — stupidly — she reaches over to Terry’s face and wipes away a tear from his cheek. She feels like an idiot afterwards.
She allows herself to smile at him a little as she stands up from the chair. “Thanks, kid. I should go... there’s some more paperwork that needs to be done and shit like that. Can you keep an eye on Nick? Or at least, convince him to stay in here if you need to leave.”
Terry appreciates the gesture and just nods.
“I’ll stay with him, I can bring him home unless you want to be with him for that.” Terry thinks for a moment. “Actually, and this is gonna sound shitty, he might not want you there for that. It’s gonna be rough.” Terry gets up as well, wiping the rest of his tears away.
“I can handle that if you need me to.”
She slightly frowns again, not because she doesn’t know Nick doesn’t want her there, but because she’s been dumping so much on Terry. She was already so completely shit at this, how much of her baggage and responsibility did this kid need to take?
“You shouldn’t have to...” she begins. “I know Nick would like anyone but me to bring him, but... well, if there’s no one else, maybe you should. You’re right.”
This is a shitty situation. She doesn’t want this kid to have to deal with Nick, but there’s no one else. He’s right about Nick not wanting her there for that, and she knows no one else. There’s no solution that magically ticks every box. She has to sacrifice the idea of better solutions as the price of her not making more connections in the past.
“It’s okay, I can do this. I really don’t mind at all.” Terry doesn’t want to make Del feel worse for not being able to do this. Plus, she shouldn’t be the one to see Nick’s reaction, Nick wouldn’t want that.
Terry gives a polite nod to Del, the thought of offering a hug crosses his mind but he knows she’d say no. So he walks back to the car where Nick is sitting, the fuzzy Christmas music playing in the waiting room no longer assaulting his ears. There’s only silence and howling wind, the closest California can get to snow, before Terry enters the car.
“Nick, are you ready to go back yet? If you need me to drive around for a bit, we can do that. Whatever you need.” Terry puts his hand on Nick’s shoulder.
Over the time it takes for Terry to talk to Del, Nick goes from loud, rough, throat-hurting cries out — practically screaming out into the world for being how it is — to quiet sobs into his knees, curling up against the door and staying unmoving as his head pounded with his body’s beg for water.
When Terry enters, he’s just staring out the window. His stupid jean jacket has been thrown onto the floor with a rattle of pins. He has his hair down now, tired of it being up. He considers cutting it when he gets home.
He quietly pushes the other’s hand from his shoulder and shrugs
“Home. Please.”
His voice is incredibly rough, and he just.. quietly sits there. Waiting to start going.
Terry starts the car, turning the heat on. It’s cold as fuck outside and he’s unsure how long Nick had been sitting without a jacket on.
He speaks softly.
“Okay.”