Work Text:
“Love, love is the warmest color
Petrol blues, hallelujah, hallelujah
Comes, saut dans le vide, my lover
In my youth the greatest tide washed up my prize
You.”
-Nara, Alt-J
Little a-Xuan looked questioningly at his a-niang’s reflection on the mirror as she braided his hair. The four layers of robes felt stuffier than usual, they made his skin itch and sweat gather uncomfortably under his armpits.
“We are going to Lotus Pier for you to meet your betrothed. You must look your best, a-Xuan.”
“What does betrothed mean?”
“A betrothed is a person you intend to marry in the future.”
Marry. He knew that word. His a-die and his a-niang were married.
He pictured his mother’s sad eyes whenever they had to start dinner lest it got bad after waiting for almost an hour for his father to arrive, which happened more often than not.
The days his a-die actually had dinner with them were somehow worse. Jin Zixuan’s small hands aching due to the bite of his nails on his palms. His mother’s constant glare as his father kept looking at the servant girls in a way his son never understood but made him feel uncomfortable nonetheless.
He was about to retort that if it meant living like her and a-die, then he didn’t want a betrothed. The words died in his mouth after taking one look at his mother’s sweet smile. He closed his mouth and smiled back.
Lotus Pier was different from home. It didn’t have the impressive walls decorated with the golden shade he so loved; there were no intricately carved murals and reliefs. Yet, it was not less beautiful. The sect’s beauty rested on nature rather than man-made opulence. Numerous piers rested upon the calm waters littered with wild lotuses and blooming fringe trees that painted a dream-like picture.
Jin Zixuan noticed that the place didn’t feel as unreachable as Carp Tower always did, with its heavily guarded gates and endless stairways. Instead, the dark rosewood entrance decorated with a simple, delicate lotus in the front, was wide open for visitors. Mouth watering smells reached little Zixuan’s nose, as the scents wafted from the stalls where vendors offered small bags of seeds the boy didn’t recognize well, water chestnuts, sweet buns and other colorful pastries. He faintly hoped they would have time to explore later and try the exotic food.
The compound seemed to be constructed as if to accommodate the natural world that surrounded it, leaving wide open spaces of green grass with trees and small ponds. The buildings were not exaggeratedly big, but rather practical and delicately decorated with carved lotuses and swirling patterns. Large windows shielded by translucent curtains of white and violet allowed the sunlight to illuminate every room.
The soft breeze of early February blew over and gently caressed the lotuses, making them sway in a sluggish dance; petals and leaves alike from nearby blossoms drifted by in irregular patterns. In the eyes of a young, impressionable boy, it looked as if nature itself were welcoming him.
They had been received by the sect leader and his family at the entrance of the main house instead of the piers, since they arrived by carriage. His a-niang and a-die bowed at the sect leader and his wife, then he followed suit, attempting to perform the greeting bow as flawlessly as possible. Mianmian’s voice on his head reminding him that it mustn’t be too high nor too low, don’t be so stiff, a-Xuan, you look like you’re made of wood when you do it like that.
Sect leader Jiang then introduced his children. The first one was a boy smaller than him, probably one or two years younger than Jin Zixuan; he carried an impressive frown that hardened his childish features and little Zixuan briefly wondered what such a young person could be so angry about.
Jiang Cheng, was his name. Freckles were scattered on his honey skin and the Jin heir wondered for a moment if the child knew how many they were. Probably not. Still, he had the unexplainable urge to know.
He looked up, noticing electric blue eyes that reminded Jin Zixuan of the clear water reflecting the late morning sun that he saw not ten minutes ago, and he silently congratulated the sect leader and his wife’s great naming skills.
The young boy bowed perfectly to welcome each of them and Jin Zixuan felt a pang of jealousy at the fact that this child could do something that took him ages to perfect in such a flawless manner; so effortlessly.
Still bristling with envy, he turned toward the right. There stood a young girl. Jiang Yanli, his betrothed. She was a bit taller than him, probably having had her growth spur already, like Mianmian. He saw awkward long limbs tucked into purple robes, ivory skin only interrupted by a pretty pink painting her cheeks. She had bronze eyes. He kind of liked the blue ones better. She offered a small, elegant bow at each of them and he returned his own politely.
Finally, there was another boy, the sect leader’s guard who had recently arrived. He was shorter than him by about two fingers. His name was Wei Ying and the first thing Jin Zixuan noted was that he was too thin. He had dark hair held up with a red ribbon. He was fidgety and his bow was clumsy at best, possibly for the lack of practice. Jin Zixuan made no comments and simply returned the bow.
As he was led to share the most uncomfortable tea time in his short life with his parents, his betrothed and her parents, he saw through the corner of his eye as two boys ran outside toward a pier with grins on their faces.
He watched his a-niang close the door to his parent’s private quarters with red rimmed eyes, his father nowhere to be found; the bastard probably left with that servant girl he kept looking at throughout dinner had been her parting words. Little Zixuan decided to step outside and explore Lotus Pier. He expertly dodged the servants and left through a low window, the way he usually did with Mianmian at home.
Jin Zixuan walked around for a while, admiring the sights. There were sounds coming from the nearby town, he could hear the faint mumbling of night activities. He imagined a market bustling with life, illuminated by the moon, colorful lanterns and the fire that heated delicious food. The part of Lotus Pier he walked through was mostly deserted, possibly because it was one of the family private areas. He took in the dichotomy that lay around him; the way wooden buildings intermingled peacefully with nature in the form of lush blossom trees, gentle lotuses and untamed waters.
As he kept walking, he arrived at an area with less buildings and more plants. A light caught his attention and he walked towards it.
He found a lone figure sitting on a pier with a lantern set on the ground before the wooden path began. Curiosity pulled him like a rod did the fish on a stream. As he silently got closer, he made out the Jiang heir sitting on the edge, wearing his sleeping robes, hair freed from the small ponytail he had earlier and falling onto his shoulders. He looked much smaller this way.
“Can’t sleep?”
Jin Zixuan jumped at the sudden question. He tried to quiet his beating heart and silently thanked the gods because the boy hadn’t even turned around so he couldn’t see his embarrassment at being found spying.
“No. You?”
“No. But it’s fine. I like coming at this hour. ‘Tis quiet.”
Jiang Cheng looked over his shoulder at Jin Zixuan, his expression mostly obscured as the light of the moon haloed him from behind. Still, his eyes seemed to shine with self-made brilliance. He patted the spot beside him on the pier in silent invitation before turning back to focus on the dark water.
Jin Zixuan bit his lip nervously. He didn’t know the boy. Jiang Cheng was supposed to be just another heir, another child born with his name written on a throne since even before he took his first breath.
All the children from similar positions he had met from the visit of smaller sects to Carp Tower had been the same. With upturned noses, straight backs and too proud smiles.Adults and children his age - sometimes even younger - have always looked at him as nothing but a step on a ladder that could take them higher in society, a chance to get their hands on Lanling’s famous treasury. That’s why he always tried to stir away from strangers. Not wanting the disappointment of seeing another person who wanted to befriend the Jin heir and not just Zixuan.
Yet, he couldn’t help but wonder at the way Jiang Cheng looked so carefree, with boots lain casually by his side, bare feet dangling off the pier, disappearing into an abyss made of dark river water. A sudden fit of jealousy at seeing this boy - another heir - being so relaxed and unbothered as if they were allowed to, made him move. He hurriedly took off his shoes, letting them fall onto the old wood with a thud , sitting himself down hastily; feet splashing some water. His eyes widened when he realized he had accidentally gotten the other’s robes wet.
He started to apologize for offending another sect’s heir, but stopped when cold droplets of water hit him from the side. He whipped his head toward Jiang Cheng, who had a gap-toothed grin plastered on his face.
“A splash for a splash.” He said.
Jin Zixuan was stunned at seeing the easy attitude of the other boy. When he first met him that same morning, the Jiang heir looked like any spoiled child from every important family he’d seen; with perfect bows and a bored expression. The only difference had been the permanently etched scowl that hardened his childish features. Now that the scowl was nowhere to be found, the boy appeared like the kids that he often saw from his window, running around the busy streets in Lanling, playing tag and laughing freely.
“Do you like dogs?”
The question brought Jin Zixuan back from his reverie. Jiang Cheng looked at him expectantly with raised eyebrows.
“Yes. We have a lot of them in Carp Tower. My a-niang gifted me one when I turned eight. His name is Cang Cang, because he has gray fur and gray eyes that match. I’m training him to become a spiritual dog, he already understands a lot of my orders now, though he is very playful sometimes.”
Jin Zixuan spoke lengthily and spiritedly about his dog, barely catching his breath as he did. Jiang Cheng listened enraptured and without interrupting even once.
The younger threw his head back with a roaring laughter as Zixuan told him about the time they were running laps under the scorching summer sun, when suddenly Cang Cang decided that he had enough and tugged at his robes to push him into one of the decorative fountains. The Jin heir sniggered as he remembered his mother’s outraged shout about the expense of his clothes and the exasperated, but fondly way she looked at both dog and child as they dried off with towels brought by the servants.
“What about you?” He asked back, after they sobered up from laughing about another one of his tales regarding an overexcited pup.
Glacier blue eyes that looked onyx in the darkness glinted under the sheen of water that coated them. Sight unfocused, the child started retelling a bittersweet memory with a wavering whisper.
“I don’t have any dogs because Wei Ying is afraid of them. I used to have three, they were my first real friends after my older sister. I only kept them for two weeks because then Wei Ying came and my a-die gave them away.” He sniffed.
“We fought because of it and then I told Wei Ying to leave and he did! He got stuck on a tree and I fell on a ditch and it was all my fault. A-jie helped us and carried us back to the house because she’s the strongest and kindest person in the world.” he managed a small, proud smile.
Then, he continued in a small voice that little Zixuan barely understood. “I still get angry sometimes because I really miss my dogs but I also get so guilty when I feel like that. I don’t want to disappoint a-die anymore.”
A sudden wave of protectiveness invaded the older boy as he saw the broken look on that tear-stained face. Not knowing what else to say, he put his arm around the other in an awkward side-hug. He wasn’t very used to hugging people other than his a-niang, but he must have been doing it right since the other burrowed his face on his chest immediately.
Jin Zixuan trailed his hand over Jiang Cheng’s hair, the way his mother did when he woke up crying from a nightmare and let him weep. Soon, the silent crying became hiccups and the Jiang heir slowly moved away from the hug.
Using his robes’ long sleeves to clean his face, he looked at the water before nodding to himself, and speaking as if Zixuan’s robes weren’t still damp with his tears and snot.
“It’s warm today, we should swim.”
Without waiting for an answer, the younger boy stood and lifted his arms to take off his outer robe. He stopped with his arms twisted in a weird angle and looked down at where the other still sat. Jiang Cheng raised an eyebrow, a silent question on his face.
Jin Zixuan hesitated, praying for the darkness to hide the red that undoubtedly tainted his cheeks.
“I’m afraid of water.”
“You don’t have to worry, I’ll protect you.” The Jiang heir promised, his serious expression looking like it belonged more to the adult sects leaders seen in conferences rather than a seven year-old boy.
For some reason, Jiang Cheng’s earnesty made Jin Zixuan feel warm; the same feeling as his a-niang’s Ganlu tea whenever he gets a cold during winter invaded him. The boy’s honest words left young Zixuan a mellow and sweet aftertaste, just like the fruity tea.
“Maybe we could start somewhere not too deep?” He asked nervously, expecting to be mocked.
Instead, Jiang Cheng seemed to actually consider it.
“I know a place. We can start there and when you gain confidence, I can teach you how to dive into deeper waters.” He said as he fixed his robes again.
The boy made it sound so simple. As if teaching Jin Zixuan to swim wasn’t beneath him as an heir. It sounded like he actually enjoyed his company enough to spend more than the mandatory time with him. Like Jiang Cheng wanted to be his friend . Young Zixuan didn’t have any friends apart from Mianmian, but they literally grew up together so she didn’t really count.
He felt excited at the prospect of befriending this blunt kid with eyes like the rivers and an uneven smile who treated him like an actual person.
“I leave tomorrow afternoon and I’m supposed to spend my time with your sister when I visit.” He said faintly, trying not to sound too dejected.
“It’s okay. Every time you come by we could meet here at night and practice, or find time to sneak out during the day.” Jiang Cheng gave him a gushing smile. “It can be our secret.”
The older boy nodded eagerly, a grin breaking through his face. “It’ll be our secret, then.”
Jin Zixuan felt light after spending a nice evening with the other disciples. Not even his distress at not getting the reflection of the moonlight over the river and the shade of the lotuses just right achieved to sour his mood. He pretended his mistakes weren’t due to continuously throwing surreptitious looks toward his right, where someone sat on the green grass painting a dragonfly sitting lazily over a lonely lotus flower - pink tongue peaking out of plump lips and brows furrowed in concentration.
His effort and slightly ink-stained robes had paid off as he saw the finished lantern fly away to the sky and was able to close his eyes to wish “ for happiness, justice and peace for those whom I love ”. He briefly wondered what a certain boy with freckles hidden by the lack of sun wished for.
After, they were walking back toward the main compound, Mianmian telling him and other members of their sect about a letter she got from home, when the serene atmosphere was broken by laughter coming from behind their group. Some disciples were discussing the beauty of the girls that were currently studying on the Cloud Recesses.
One of them called his name loudly and asked him who he deemed the prettiest one. Some girls chastised the boy and mentioned his fiancée. His throat suddenly closed off at the reminder of his looming future and his breath became labored with how uncomfortable he felt.
He couldn’t stop himself from asking the disciples to just “Forget it.” His panic not allowing him to think about modulating his voice, letting it sound biting and loud enough to reach the other groups of disciples around them.
“What do you mean forget it? Are you trying to say that my shijie isn’t good enough for your rich ass?” Wei Wuxian yelled from the side, where he walked with Jiang Cheng and Jiang Yanli. The loud, rough voice cut sharply through the previously quiet atmosphere; attracting the attention of all the other disciples.
“That’s not at all what I meant, don’t twist my words.” Zixuan replied, anger flaring within his chest; constricting him, burning him.
“No? Then what were you trying to say? I know you’ve never wanted to marry my shijie , thinking you could probably do better.”
“I don’t think I could do better, I just don’t want to marry someone I don’t love.”
“Oh, so you don’t think Yanli is worthy of your love?” Wei Wuxian demanded as he moved like a knife, getting closer to his face in mere seconds; gray eyes burning and voice growing louder.
“No! You’re not even listening to me. I know she is a wonderful and very sweet person, but I just can’t love Jiang Yanli.”
“Really? And why’s that, huh? Right, because you are too good, too rich, too strong and clever, too goddamn everything that you can’t even think about lowerin-”
“NO, IT’S BECAUSE I’M IN LOVE WITH HER BROTHER!”
Time seemed to have stopped. The gentle singing of insects and the rumbling of leaves swaying with the breeze, were the only sounds for a few breaths after he uttered the words.
Jin Zixuan’s eyes widened as it dawned on him exactly what he had just blurted out.
In an instant, gasps and muttering exploded around him. He paid them no mind. His gaze immediately flew toward Jiang Cheng. The boy stood still beside Jiang Yanli, both of them looking equally shocked.
Jin Zixuan felt his cheeks redden with embarrassment. Unable to handle the fallout of his outburst, he turned around and fled.
A small voice inside his mind that sounded rather similar to Mianmian whispered that running was against the rules. Fuck the rules he thought, I just ruined my entire life.
Paying no attention to where he was going, he simply ran as if chased. Hair blowing with the wind, feet stomping on the hard ground, dry leaves crunching under his feet. Carefully dodging the thick trees, adrenaline coursing through his veins and mouth tasting of salt; the only sound he could perceive was the one of his own blood gushing through his ears.
Jin Zixuan didn’t stop until he reached a small clearing. Leaning forward, he placed his hands on his knees to catch his breath. Sweaty hair stuck to his forehead and he grimaced at the thought of how disheveled he must look. As he looked around, he caught sight of some bunnies bundled under the shade of a tree.
“Fuck it, might as well.” The boy muttered as he carefully sat down with his back on the tree, making sure not to crush the small animals.
Jin Zixuan pulled his robes tighter against his body. The exertion had warmed his body and the cool air made him shiver. With a sigh, he picked up a black bunny with a white spot on its forehead and small, red eyes. The bunny squirmed as he placed it on his lap but settled as his right hand began stroking its head.
He sat there, petting the bunny while his mind kept replaying the evening’s occurrences. He tried to pinpoint where it went wrong, what he could have done differently to avoid it. But his mind kept coming back to the picture of widened blue eyes and parted lips; a deep red adorning a pretty milky skin, cleared off its usual tan by the colder weather of the Cloud Recesses.
Jin Zixuan remained seated for hours, aware of the fact that skipping dinner was probably not a good idea since it would only serve to pile upon his punishment, but unable to care.
Suddenly, like a gust of wind, Jiang Yanli arrived at the clearing and planted herself in front of him; a shade falling on top of him along with a heavy gaze that seemed to weigh him down on the ground.
“Did you mean it?” She asked without preamble as he clumsily stood up from the ground, with the bunny still cradled on his arms.
He didn’t need to ask what it meant. Looking down at the rabbit, Jin Zixuan considered his next words.
Jiang Yanli was his betrothed. She was in the same position as him, bound to a person she did not choose. Even though talking about his feelings for someone else - for her brother - made him unbearably uncomfortable, he knew she deserved the truth. He shifted and looked into her eyes as he confessed.
“I used to be afraid of water. I still am, but I’ve learned to see the beauty in the danger. Jiang Cheng taught me to love the river and respect its strength. When he offered to teach me how to swim I didn’t imagine that in the process he would also show me how to love. But he did. And do- I love him. That’s why I can’t love you, no matter how much I try.”
Jiang Yanli said nothing. Just stood there, watching him. Under her unwavering gaze, he felt himself shrink, as small as the bunny on his arms. Still, he forced himself to meet her eyes and wait.
Finally, she smiled. “Very well. I am writing a letter to my father, informing him that I wish to break the engagement.”
A small gasp of surprise escaped him, making the girl smile wider.
“I do not wish to have a marriage that will only end up hurting all those around me.” She explained. “I can see that your feelings for my brother are true and I know he is very fond of you as well. If us breaking this engagement means that a-Cheng will be happy, then I am happy to do it.”
The girl bit her lip and her cheeks reddened, suddenly shy. “Plus. You are not the only one who has already given their heart to someone else.”
Jin Zixuan was momentarily at a loss for words. He decided not to question the last sentence, it was probably none of his business. Instead, he asked about the most pressing matter.
“What do you mean it will make Jiang Cheng happy? He clearly doesn’t return my feelings.”
He received an incredulous look in reply. Then, Jiang Yanli’s expression morphed into one of understanding.
“A-Cheng isn’t very good at showing his emotions. He’s always hiding behind an angry facade. It’s his way of protecting himself, which is necessary because he is a very sensitive boy.” She smiled lovingly while talking about her brother. “But whenever a letter arrives at Lotus Pier informing of a visit from the Jin Clan, he looks happier, even if he tries not to show it. And the days after you leave one can always find him sulking, though he will ultimately deny it.”
The boy blushed at the words. The thought that his presence brought happiness to Jiang Cheng made him feel all giddy and warm inside. The same way running with bare feet through a sun heated pier while chasing behind a boy with sunkissed skin on an odd summer day once made him feel; dizzy with freedom and happiness and love.
“However.” Jiang Yanli’s sudden change of tone hit him like the cold river water abruptly hitting his skin and feeling his lungs after losing his footing. His body stiffened as she continued. “I would like to make you know that there is nothing in this world that matters to me more than my brothers’ happiness. A-Xian might punch you in the face if you try to hurt or insult either Jiang Cheng or me.”
She paused and her maroon eyes acquired a dangerous glint that made him gulp. “I, on the other hand, would not punch you. Jin Zixuan, if you dare hurt my baby brother, I will destroy you.”
Like a flame being extinguished by a gust of wind, the danger in her eyes disappeared. Her ever-present kind smile returned and Jin Zixuan released a breath he wasn’t aware he had been holding.
The Jin heir would have never imagined how scary and powerful his now ex-betrothed could truly be. Briefly, the boy wondered if in another life he could have found that fire before knowing Jiang Cheng and loved her instead.
Jiang Yanli’s voice brought him back from his musings.
“I’ll talk to my father about the engagement. The rest is up to you. Good luck with my didi.”
Without waiting for an answer from the still stunned Zixuan, the girl offered a small bow and left.
A minute had already gone by since he knocked on the door. He raised his hand to try again, when it suddenly swung open, leaving him frozen, standing awkwardly with a fist up. Wei Wuxian looked at him darkly, raising a mocking eyebrow at his hand. Jin Zixuan slowly lowered his arm and tucked both his hands behind his back, standing straight and enduring the other’s penetrating gaze on him.
After a few seconds of staring, Wei Wuxian pursed his lips and asked in a clearly pissed off voice. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
“I want to talk to Jiang Cheng.”
The older boy let out a grating laugh, sounding unnatural from someone as carefree as him.
“And why the hell would I let you do that? You not only disrespected my shi-jie, you also tried to use my shidi. I think you’ve already done more than enough damage.” He took the door handle as if to close it again. “So I think it’s better if you leave now before I end up punching you just like I want to.”
He stopped the door from closing completely with his foot and spoke through the small space left.
“Wait, it’s not like that. I need to explain.”
“There’s nothi-”
“It’s okay.”
Both of them stopped their struggling, the door opening again after Wei Wuxian stopped applying pressure. Jin Zixuan stepped inside but stayed near the door and turned to face Jiang Cheng, who had his eyes set on his shidi .
“I’ll talk to him. Do you mind if we stay here?”
The older boy opened his mouth to protest, but closed it after seeing Jiang Cheng’s desperate look.
“All right.” He conceded with palpable reluctance. “I’ll be at Huaisang’s room if you need anything, okay?”
Once he received a nod and a small grateful smile from his brother, he turned around.
Shooting one last warning look in Jin Zixuan’s direction, Wei Wuxian walked through the door and closed it behind him with a dull thump.
Once the door’s noise faded, the silence in the room became instantly stifling, threatening to choke with things unsaid. Neither of them was looking at the other, chocolate and arctic eyes darting everywhere and nowhere, consciously avoiding collision. Jin Zixuan fiddled with the long sleeves of his robes, seeking the comfort of the familiar close texture that characterized the juan silk common in Lanling; only for the pads of his fingers to find the smoother duan silk preferred by the Gusu sect. Another reminder that he wasn’t home. Another reminder of how not in control he was.
The clearing of a throat in front of him brought him back to the present. His gaze ventured unsurely toward the other boy. He encountered Jiang Cheng looking down at his boots and unconsciously rubbing his nose; a nervous habit Jin Zixuan always found very endearing.
“You didn’t have to say that.” The younger heir started in an uncharacteristically subdued voice. “If you didn’t want to marry a-jie, you could have just said so. You don’t have to pretend to like me that way, I’m sure father will understand if you just explain what you really want. I can help you convince them and then we can just pretend none of this happened, yeah?”
As he finished speaking, the younger boy looked up from beneath his eyelashes. The broken, resigned expression contained within those expressive eyes made Jin Zixuan’s heart ache and his stomach drop because such a look of defeat had no place there; Jiang Cheng’s eyes should always be burning with fierce blue fire or warm clear water. The vulnerability shown gave Jin Zixuan courage.
“No.”
Jiang Cheng’s gaze darted toward his face faster than a blink. He looked so lost . Jin Zixuan stared back at and continued.
“I don’t want to pretend it didn’t happen.”
“Why?”
“Because, even though I didn’t want it to tell you that way.” He halted to lick his lips, throat feeling drier than the congee he had for breakfast. Seeing the other’s eyes tracking the movement - staring at his mouth - gave him the push he needed. “It’s true. What I said out there. I’m in love with you.”
Jiang Cheng swallowed and closed his eyes, his chest expanding and retracting again as he took a deep, shaky breath.
“But, why? Why would you fall in love with me?”
The trembling in his voice and the disbelief broke Jin Zixuan’s heart. Luckily, he’s had an answer for his question for longer than he can remember.
“I fell in love with you because you are the first person who actually treated me like a human being and not just a door to gain money and power. You were the first one, after my mom and Mianmian, who is practically my sister, to ask me about my life and listen to me as if you actually cared about what I had to say. You still are one of the few people who even bother to see beyond the facade I have to show to the world as a sect heir.”
He paused and boldly gave a step forward until he was close enough to grab one of Jiang Cheng’s hands, whose eyes suddenly blinked open at the contact. When the other didn’t push him away, Jin Zixuan kept talking without breaking eye contact.
“I fell in love with you because you are the bravest, most selfless, loyal and kind person I know. No matter how many people try to put you down, you always keep fighting. You wear a mask, just like me, to avoid the world from hurting you and using who you are to go against you. I know that when you feel comfortable, you are not afraid to get angry or cry or laugh or show just how fucking much you love. I know it’s hard to earn your trust but once someone’s got it, it’s one of the most precious gifts they can have. You are impossible to figure out and discovering all the small things about you along the years has been the most exciting adventure of my life and I would be honored if I were allowed to continue assembling the pieces of who you really are and who you will become for the rest of my days.”
He took a deep breath.
“So, Jiang Cheng. I am in love with you. I once thought that I would never want a betrothed if it meant being in an unhappy marriage, but then you came like an unexpected wave of water that used to terrify me but now I cannot imagine living without.” He intertwined their fingers together, enjoying the warmth and the roughness of his skin. “Would you allow me to court you?”
Jiang Cheng’s eyes widened, his whole face painted a dark crimson. His eyes glazed over as a wide smile started to appear on his face, surging gradually, just like the sun did every morning.
Then, instead of answering, Jiang Cheng surged forward and crashed their lips together, making Zixuan momentarily lose balance and grab onto the other’s waist. After finding his footing again and didn’t waste more time, answering eagerly.
They were both clearly inexperienced, the kiss being more a clash of lips, skin against skin without much skill. Still, as chapped lips moved clumsily against his and a hand found its way toward his hair, Jin Zixuan thought that he wouldn’t change it for anything else in the world.