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It was the twilight of their school years, and they were determined to spend them in the best way possible. They didn’t have much time left.
In Tomo’s eyes, this meant spending all their time at the beach by Chiyo-chan’s summer home. Nobody was going to argue with her, though. The tight-knit group of six girls made their way out to a sandy clearing, a gorgeous day of blue skies and white clouds awaiting them. Studying could wait; it was just them and the world.
Them, the world, their teachers, Kaori.
A diminutive girl with a bob cut reluctantly followed the group with their only adult supervision, two unmarried women who probably had a bit too much to drink last night, in tow. Kaori couldn’t help but feel left out—from the festivities, from the group, from the rest of society.
She hardly had any friends and had to practically beg Tomo to bring her along, wanting one last outing with the group before her last miserable year ended. But she was still reeling from her trip there, having taken the Yukarimobile for a spin. So while the other girls set up a game of volleyball, she hung back and elected to watch.
At least this meant she could see Sakaki one last time. That girl… She didn’t know what it was about her, but she caught her eye from the moment they met in their first year, and from then on, she was entranced. (Was “smitten” too strong of a word?)
Unfortunately, her distance from the friend circle prevented her from breaking the invisible barrier between them. She knew there was something bubbling beneath Sakaki’s stoic surface; she knew Sakaki couldn’t be the intimidating punk everyone else saw her as. When she looked into those eyes, she didn’t see contempt, but compassion. And Kaori wanted to know more.
The teams were Sakaki and Kagura against Miss Kurosawa and Yomi. Kaori’s eyes were drawn toward Sakaki’s long, feathery hair, and the way it bounced with her every move. She watched as Sakaki served and passed the ball with near-robotic precision, but the way she moved—the curve of her back… that was nothing if not human. Kurosawa’s superior experience gave her the edge over her two talented young opponents, but it was a close game.
In her periphery, Kaori heard the distinctive “ponk” of a volleyball hitting someone’s head. She turned to see Osaka helping Chiyo-chan up from the ground; yep, of course it was her. That girl… She wasn’t annoyed by Osaka by any means, but she found her difficult to parse sometimes. Their relationship never quite recovered from her misinterpretation of Osaka’s announcement that she “had Sakaki in her sights”. Kaori knew Osaka always meant well, even if a twinge of pity fell over her when they talked.
Her focus turned back to the volleyball game, where Tomo had taken Sakaki’s place on the opposing team at her own insistence. Sakaki, for her part, didn’t seem to mind, and she went off to build something in the sand. Maybe a fortress where she could rescue a beautiful princess on horseback, Kaori imagined, swooning at the thought. Sakaki-san is so cool…
“Kaorin, are you gay?”
She nearly tripped over herself hearing that. Osaka snuck up on her without her noticing. Did she read her mind, or had she said…?
“The proper term is lesbian!” came Kaori’s response, turning to face the intrusion. Her eyes bulged upon realizing she had reverted to her practiced, instinctual defense. “Uhm, not that I am a lesbian!” she nearly shouted.
Osaka blinked. “See, you talk about how cool Sakaki-chan is all the time, and Ah know you came here ‘cuz you wanted to see her, so Ah just thought…”
“It’s just, like… a teenage thing, y’know? That’s all.” Kaori attempted to make herself look more mature by crossing her arms and standing tall, though her reddened cheeks betrayed her. “And regardless, that’s not what I meant when I called Sakaki-san cool.” She winced, knowing the words coming out of her mouth were blatantly untrue. “Just to prove it to you: I wouldn’t care if she was a guy!”
Osaka put her hands together in contemplation, her eyes glossing over a bit. Kaori knew her well enough to know that this contorted face meant her gears were turning; Osaka could smell a lie. Even so, Kaori kept her faux-confident look and hoped the other girl wouldn’t question it.
Eventually, the sparkle returned to Osaka’s gaze. “Listen, Kaorin. Ya don’t gotta hide anything from us. You ain’t very good at it,” she chuckled a bit, in a rare moment of clarity. The girl with the bob cut slowly dropped her guise at this, her cheeks flushed yet again. With a more serious tone, Osaka continued, “We’re all friends for a reason, y’hear?” and extended her hand.
A lot of things clicked in place for Kaori as she took Osaka’s hand in hers.
★
With that magic feeling but nowhere to go, Kaori continued to rest by the shore and keep an eye on the others—mostly Sakaki. She didn’t seem so far away, all of a sudden. (Kaori also learned Sakaki wasn’t building a fortress or even a castle, but rather a Nekokoneko.)
Surrounding her, she saw glimpses and snippets of conversation: Osaka and Tomo hatching some kind of plan, Chiyo-chan and Miss Kurosawa discussing the finer points of the crawl stroke, Yomi trying to reason with Yukari why she shouldn’t murder a guy who stole her juice. And Kagura… where was Kagura?
“Yo, you’re Kaorin, right?”
“Wah?! Uh, yeah! Yeah, Kaorin’s me!”
“Ahah, what was that? ‘Kaorin’s me’? Anyway, nice to meetcha.” The dark-skinned girl sat beside her. “I guess we haven’t been properly introduced, but I’m-”
“Kagura-san! Yeah, I know. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Kaori bowed, and Kagura took the opportunity to slap her back with a grin. The two giggled.
“Seems like you know what I’m all about, then. I kinda wanted to know more about you, though. Like, how come you’re sittin’ things out when everyone’s havin’ fun?”
Kaori sighed. “I’m afraid I suffer from carsickness. Nothing serious, but, you know the Yukarimobile…” She rested her head in her hands.
“Yeah, no kidding. Sorry to hear.” They listened to sounds of rolling tides and quiet conversation. Kagura kicked her legs out into the sand. “Got any hobbies, Kaorin?”
“Well, I’ve always been into astronomy. Seeing the stars, and all that. My mom said when I was little, I’d beg her to go outside at night to look at the constellations, and… sometimes I’d fall asleep there and then. She’d have to carry me back into my room,” she finished with a sheepish look. Kagura’s smile brightened. “And I also like reading roma-…reading manga.”
“You into anything else?” Kagura prompted in earnest, turning to face the shorter girl.
As Kaori hemmed for an answer, she noticed a tinge of tiredness in Kagura’s eyes. Had she gotten enough sleep?
“Besides Sakaki, I mean.” For the second time, Kaori nearly doubled over. “What? You make it totally obvious, moron!” said Kagura, patting Kaori’s shoulder.
Kaori resigned to her fate and leaned back on her hands. “If it’s so obvious, then does she at least know?”
“Well… Sakaki’s kind of oblivious sometimes. A lotta the time, actually. I swear, talkin’ to her is like talkin’ to a brick wall.” Running a hand through her messy hair, she stared at nothing in particular. “I mean, I’m pretty sure she ain’t into guys. But maybe the idea of someone havin’ a crush on her is totally foreign to her. It kinda seems like… like she’s got this idea in her head, and she doesn’t wanna change it.”
Taking all this in, Kaori slowly nodded. For a knucklehead, Kagura seemed to understand people, probably more than Kaori herself.
“I don’t know if you know, but… last year I was crushin’ hard on Sakaki.”
“Wha- huh?!” Kaori tried to keep down the sharp pain in her gut. “Really?!”
“Hey, hey, I ain’t stoppin’ you! Don’t you worry!” Kagura raised her hands in her own defense. “I don’t think I knew it was a crush back then, so I tried to make it a ‘rivalry’ instead. A competition. An obstacle to overcome. That’s kinda what I default to when I don’t know what else to do. You know what happened next?”
“What?” She leaned in.
“I realized Sakaki wasn’t into any of that. She just wanted a friend. And, y’know, I don’t blame her.” Kagura gave a smile, though it was different from what Kaori had usually seen, less of her usual pep and more melancholic. “People always wrote me off as a ‘dumb jock’ or a ‘one-trick pony’ or whatever. I did the same for Sakaki, thinkin’ she was a lone wolf, even though she’s so lonely. That’s when I thought:
“‘I don’t wanna lose her. I wanna be her friend.’”
Kaori looked the taller girl in the eye, and slowly smiled back. She completely understood.
Suddenly, Kagura’s eyes raised. “Oh, but that doesn’t really answer your question, does it?! Sorry. Um…”
“No, no! It’s fine!” Kaori replied, waving her hand. “I’m sure Sakaki-san would love to have someone like you.” But probably not someone like me, a voice in her head added.
“Heh, maybe. Well, I don’t think it’d hurt to tell her how ya feel now, would it?”
“Now?!” Kaori’s hair frizzled up.
“Well, maybe not right now. But I mean, this is the last shot you got, right? Worst case, ya don’t gotta see her again anyway. Best case, you got a new girlfriend.” She playfully jabbed her elbow into Kaori, who was still recovering from the thought. “And hey, I’ll root for ya. That’s what friends’re for.”
Friends… So they do consider me a friend… The ends of Kaori’s lips curled up. If nothing else, maybe she could find out what really makes Sakaki tick.
Standing up, Kagura stretched her arms. “Hey, you wanna go dig a hole or something?”
“U-uhm… I’ll pass.”
★
She finished her shower later that evening with a spring in her step. Having thought over what Kagura told her, Kaori decided that now would be the time to confess. Two and a half years spent swooning over Sakaki-san… The curve of her face and the way her hair fell over her shoulders… She blinked away any further fantasies, grounding herself back in the real world. Sakaki peeled away from the group during their study session and Kaori had an idea of where she ended up.
The girl with the bob cut closed the sliding door behind her, leading to the summer home’s outdoor patio. It was a muggy evening, and the sun had just set, leaving a purple-red sky in its wake. Sure enough, Sakaki was outside, sitting cross-legged and reading from some kind of magazine. Kaori’s heartrate doubled, but she tried to ignore the pounding in her ears as she said, “Um, excuse me…”
Sakaki was more startled by the situation than Kaori was expecting, setting down the book she was reading. Was that a cat on the cover? Her voice wavered, though she spoke even quieter than her usual softness. “Ah… Kaorin.”
“I-I’m sorry for intruding, Sakaki-san.” She took a seat across from her idol and sputtered, “Um, d-do you… mind-if-I-tell-you-something?”
Sakaki tossed the magazine aside, and it landed face-down. “…Sure.”
“Okay, okay.” Kaori tried to steady her breathing. “It’s okay,” she whispered to herself. “Um… I…”
The expression on the taller girl’s face remained imperceptible, though looking closely, she knit her brow somewhat.
“I r-really like you, Sakaki-san.”
“I like you too, Kaorin. You’re a nice girl to have around.” Her face and tone did not betray any of her feelings. Oh, no… This is exactly what Kagura was talking about.
“N-no, I mean… I really, like, like you…”
“You mean, as a friend? I don’t have a lot of friends, so…” She glanced to the side.
“A-as a lesbian! I’m in love with you!” Kaori burst out, probably louder than she would’ve liked. “I mean, I… have a crush on you.”
She heard nothing but the sound of evening cicadas whirring.
“I’m sorry, I don’t want to make this weird. Am I making this weird?” Kaori averted her gaze.
“Kaori…”
“God, I have the one chance to confess and I go and mess everything up. I’m such a dumbass. Why did I do this?”
“Kaori!”
She stopped her self-defeating tangent upon hearing her real name, in the smooth sound of Sakaki’s voice—louder than she’d ever heard it before.
“Kaori, I appreciate the sentiment, but… do you love me, or do you love Sakaki-san?”
“Wh-what do you mean?”
Sakaki kept her stoic face, but it took a pensive appearance as she lowered her head. “I hear so much from the girls who call me cool, and tough, and mysterious. They think I beat up boys, or get into fights, or maybe I’m part of the yakuza or something. They love me for who they think I am, and not who I really am. They love Sakaki-san. They don’t love me. That’s why I don’t have a lot of friends.”
“Sakaki-san…” Kaori raised a hand. “Sakaki, I know that’s not you. Those girls don’t love you, they admire you. I… really, truly love you.”
“How can you love me? You don’t know me.” In any other context, these words would have been harsh, but her voice unexpectedly cracked.
“I do know you. I’ve known you since we started high school. And I knew you were different than what everyone else thought of you.” Her voice grew more confident as she spoke. “I saw you reading that cat magazine. I saw you with that kitten in Okinawa. I saw you winning those cat plushies at the arcade. You comfort Chiyo-chan whenever she’s afraid, and you helped me survive the Yukarimobile.”
Sakaki’s lips pursed. She never gave that much thought to Kaori’s presence, but she’d been a closer friend than the majority of people in class. And she’d remembered all the times they were together, which Sakaki had previously glossed over.
“…I saw those kitten-print panties you wear, too.”
Sakaki blushed and placed her hands in her lap.
“I don’t know, maybe it is just a teenage thing, and maybe I’ll get over it. But when I see you, I don’t see an uncaring or scary punk. I see a beautiful, thoughtful young woman who’s great at sports, cares deeply for her friends, and happens to love cats. And that’s something special to me.”
The rising moon cast an unearthly glow on the patio, as if Kaori were about to wake from a reverie. Sakaki practically glowed in the night, her position subtly shifting as she contemplated what Kaori told her. Her stare became hazy, and the shorter girl was filled with anxiety.
“I feel like… like I could spend the rest of my life with you, Sakaki. But… but I understand if you don’t feel the same way.” She felt a hand on her shoulder, warm and comforting, and…
“I’m sorry, but I don’t.”
Kaori tried to prevent the tears from welling up in her eyes, to no avail. Her worst fear came to pass. Her breathing tightened, and Sakaki’s eyebrows shot up. Hot tears ran down Kaori’s cheeks. It wasn’t supposed to end like this.
Sakaki suddenly came forward and wrapped her into a hug, her grip deathly tight. “Kaori…” she whispered. “Kaori, I don’t blame you for having those feelings about me. And I’m sorry I didn’t see that earlier.” To Kaori, her reassuring voice felt like it was dripping with venom. The teardrops kept falling down.
“The thing about love is… you never run out. When you give love, you end up with more than you started with. You can love so many people, Kaori.”
“But you’re… the only one I love…” she sobbed.
“Kaori, you have friends and family who love you. There are so many people in the world who think you’re special. I do.” Sakaki ran a hand down her friend’s back. “I don’t know if we’re meant for a relationship. Not right now. Maybe someday. I don’t know. But what I do know is that you mean a lot to me, regardless.”
It hurt even more knowing she was right. Kaori continued to cry into Sakaki’s shoulder, though the tears slowed as the effect of her words set in. She didn’t know how long she’d been there, but to her, it felt like an eternity. She didn’t want to leave Sakaki’s embrace, still warm and comforting.
“I don’t want to lose you, Sakaki,” she finally whispered when her eyes were mostly dry.
“I won’t. I never forget a friend,” Sakaki replied in an ever-so-soft voice.
They lay there in silence, leaving the whirring cicadas as the only sound left.
When she finally left Sakaki’s arms and the two of them stood up, Kaori noticed the sky had darkened, and the stars were finally visible. Back home, she’d rarely ever see them due to the light pollution, but here, they must have been the most beautiful thing she’d ever seen. She could even make out some of the planets. “Whoa…”
Sakaki turned to where Kaori was staring, and her eyes twinkled. “You’re in the astronomy club, right? Can you tell me about the stars?”
Kaori nodded. “That bright red one is Mars,” she pointed, “the one on the left.”
“Wow… that’s Mars?” Sakaki’s expression hardly changed, but Kaori could hear the awe in her voice. She smiled to herself. Even though she’d been rejected, she still had a friend. She felt like she understood Sakaki better, and that was worth the world to her. And as twilight fell on that day, Kaori was determined to make tomorrow even better.