Work Text:
Chuuya opened his eyes. He was still under his blanket, not planning to leave any time soon, but the sound of alarm forced him to. So he got up, turned off his alarm, and performed his usual morning routine.
At first, he took a shower, using a lavender-scented soap hoping it could help him relax, but so far it never did anything. Then, he brushed his teeth and washed his face. Lastly, he brushed his soft ginger-hair, and for the finishing touch, he put some citrus-scented lotion on his arms and legs. Most people said his morning routine was too ‘effeminate,’ but Chuuya ignored them in favour of beautiful and healthy skin. He wore his usual outfit, a white shirt with a vest and blazer, along with black pants.
After he finished getting ready, the red-haired man saw that he still had some time, so he took out his phone and opened his social media. As he scrolled down he found a news article that said, ‘This young artist had found his soulmate while shooting a drama!’
Chuuya just continued scrolling without even bothering to read more about it. After some minutes he noticed it was time for him to go to work. To no one in particular, he said, “I am off.” and left his apartment.
---
When he arrived at the office, he walked hurriedly to his office room. The traffic decided to be busy this time that he ended up being late.
‘Damn, I should have gone early today. I regret opening my phone earlier.’
The red-haired man opened the door and headed directly to his seat. Fortunately, no one cared. He was 10 minutes late. He sighed with relief as he put aside his belongings and opened his computer.
“Chuuya-san, it’s rare for you to be late,” another co-worker whispered.
He turned his head and looked at Tachihara who was seated beside him. “Traffic.”
Tachihara nodded his head in understanding. “Good then, not like before.”
Memories popped up inside Chuuya’s head. The last time he was late was because he was sick. He threw up many times and almost got hit by a car on his way. He still insisted on working though, but he fainted and caused some panic in the office. When that happened, even if he just coughed a bit, a thin blanket would be thrown to him and there would be a cup of hot lemon tea on top of his desk. The memories were embarrassing; he was sick because he fell asleep in the bathtub. But it showed that they cared so Chuuya didn’t say anything except ‘Thank you.’
When it was time for their lunch break, both of them headed out to the canteen and met up with their other co-workers. There, Gin and Higuchi were talking, and Gin’s brother just sat and ate quietly. Chuuya and Tachihara took a seat beside them and ate their food. Chuuya wanted to head back after finishing his lunch, but he was being held up when Higuchi started to gossip.
“Hey, did you all already hear the news about Margaret?”
“About her soulmate?” Tachihara asked.
“Yes, that one! It’s so romantic. I also want to meet my soulmate one day!”
The younger Akutagawa sibling nodded while her brother just listened to them.
The three of them continued to chat while Chuuya and Ryuunosuke just played with their handphones. The older Akutagawa had always been like that, kept silent, and only spoke if necessary. The red-haired man was different though. He usually joined their chats, but this time the topic was too uninteresting for him.
Tachihara noticed his silence, shifted his attention to Chuuya. “Chuuya-san, what did you think about the news?”
“It sounds fake. Did they find each other at the drama shooting? So convenient.”
Higuchi faked a gasp. “But think about it! Love that transcends time, unlocked with a tender realization from meeting each other’s eyes, isn’t that romantic?”
“Hey, do you think it’s only for attention? I mean, it’s probably only a PR strategy,” Gin said.
“As interesting as it is, it still sounds fishy,” Tachihara said.
“Nah, it’s only for attracting attention for their drama,” Ryuunosuke finally spoke after being quiet for so long.
Higuchi faked another gasp but tried to still get the conversation to be in her favor. Chuuya listened to their conversation and murmured under his breath. “And it’s not like soulmates exist.”
All of them turned their heads on him and stared.
“Is there something on my face?”
Instead of answering his question, the blonde woman almost slammed her hand on the table. “You don’t believe in soulmates?”
“I-” Chuuya tried to explain but he was cut off by Higuchi’s dramatic gasp.
“Controversial, but I like it.” Gin chuckled, while Tachihara laughed.
“Let me explain. The soulmate thing rarely happens, and when it does happen, it was with celebrities.”
“That's because they are the ones who are popular enough to make it public!”
“And what? If you meet your soulmate, you’ll remember the time you both had together in the past? Sounds like a fairy tale. Anyway, I don’t care about that bullshit,” he defended himself.
Ryuunosuke looked at his phone and notified the others that their lunch break was almost over. Higuchi still wasn’t satisfied with the result of their sudden debate but accepted it for now.
---
Back in their office, Chuuya and Tachihara went to their desks and did what they were assigned. The room was filled with sounds of typing and clicking, occasional voices from people talking, and the sporadic sound of the phone ringing.
Hirotsu walked closer to Chuuya and tapped his shoulder using a pen, “Chuuya, Boss called for you.”
“Hmm? Should I bring something?” He glanced away from his computer and looked at the source of the voice.
“No, Boss didn’t say anything about that. He said that he just wanted to talk,” Hirotsu answered.
“Alright.” He stood up and walked towards Mori’s office.
He entered the room after knocking and saw Mori sitting on his desk with Elise drawing something with crayons on the table near his own. Elise was a little girl that always visited Mori inside his office whenever she didn’t have any class. Some new employees gossiped that Elise was either his nephew or his bastard child. No one bothered to ask, they prefered to gossip anyway.
“What’s wrong, Boss?”
“Chuuya, come in and take a seat.”
The red-haired man sat in front of Mori’s desk. Seeing the usual smile plastered on his Boss’ face meant it wouldn’t be bad news.
“You know about ADA right?” asked the older man.
He put his index finger under his chin. “That company that sells stationery and snacks? Yes.” It was a weird combination of products sold, but whatever brought money.
“Great, you know it. They want us to help design their new product.”
He waited for his boss to continue speaking, so he stayed quiet.
“Are you interested in this project?”
The younger man held out a sigh, the unsettling feeling in his stomach grew. “Can I refuse, Boss?”
“No,” he replied while smiling.
“If I may ask, why me? Tachihara can also help with the design.”
“Someone from that company saw your portfolio and liked your design. It’s a request from an old friend, so I can’t refuse him.”
He was flattered that someone liked his design, but this also means his already huge workload increased, maybe he could ask Tachihara to help him.
“Okay, I’ll take it.”
“Good choice. The client will meet you later to have further discussion about the project. I’ll give you his contact information.” Mori slid a piece of paper to him.
He took the business card and after reading, he put it inside his pocket. The business card had a simple design with black borders around all the sides. It was written ‘Dazai Osamu’ with some other personal information on it.
“Thank you, Boss. I will let you know how it goes.”
The older man waved his hand, signalling him to leave, and Chuuya walked out. When he was back in his seat Tachihara asked him what just happened but he replied nothing big, just a usual thing, being given more projects.
His co-worked pitied him and gave him a pat on his back. Most of the time he would be annoyed, but this time his mind was floating around the name in the business card. ‘Dazai Osamu… Sounds familiar.’
---
Chuuya messaged the number and after texting back and forth they decided on a meeting time and place.
Now, he waited inside the promised place. It was a small cafe but a nice one. He was a little pissed off because Dazai was late, but Chuuya gave kudos to him for choosing this place. Chuuya already texted him about his arrival and what clothes he wore so he could recognize him.
He wore his usual attire to work, he thought about wearing casual clothes because they just met in a cafe, not a fancy place, but he liked his vest and blazer, so he wore it. He also decided to put on a fedora hat, he didn’t use it that much but at this time he thought it was appropriate.
A waitress put his order of cappuccino in front of him. It had latte art in the shape of a heart. He immediately stirred his coffee.
In front of his seat, he could see the TV playing some gossip channel. He decided to watch it because he had nothing to do. It was talking about the same artist he and his friends discussed before. ‘Soulmate,’ he scoffed. If he was being honest, a part of him thought it was kinda romantic, being bound by fate, but a larger part of him found it was restricting. “ Maybe I thought this way because I don’t have one, ” his mind added but he ignored it.
Chuuya stopped watching and checked his phone for the time. ‘Any minute now.’
The doorbell rang. He shifted his eyes towards the sound of the voice and saw the figure he had been waiting for 10 minutes.
Their eyes met and suddenly memories filled his thoughts. Memories from his past life, where he was an executive in the Mafia, where he had the power to manipulate gravity, and where he and Dazai were partners, came to him. The smell of gunpowder and copper from the blood suddenly felt sharp. For a second, he felt like throwing up.
It was like his life flashed in front of him. His eyes widened and he could only look at Dazai. The man in front of him also had the same look. They both stared at each other in disbelief, standing still as if the world stopped moving only for them.
“Excuse me, Sir, did you come alone?” Their daze was broken by the voice from the waitress.
Dazai quickly regained his composure and replied that he had someone waiting for him and pointed at Chuuya’s seat. Chuuya also composed himself and focused his attention on the drink he had.
The brunet took a seat in front of Chuuya, and after being given a menu, he ordered a strawberry yoghurt smoothie.
He spoke first. “Nice to meet you, Nakahara Chuuya, please call me Dazai.”
Chuuya was still processing the situation. Just moments before, he scoffed about having a soulmate and now he met said soulmate. He tried to focus on the man in front of him and tried to speak. “Ah, nice to meet you, you can-” He gulped. “Just call me Chuuya.” He didn’t believe he just stuttered in front of him.
Dazai nodded and began to explain. “Now, let's discuss the design. We are planning to make a new product called....”
He tried to listen to what Dazai said but he was distracted with the memories. It was too much and he needed some more time to sort his thoughts. He wondered why Dazai seemed unbothered, didn’t they have something else to discuss?
“We think a simple design will be suitable, what do you think?”
“Huh? What?” Chuuya didn’t really pay attention because his mind was full with the current situation.
The brunet sighed. “You seem out of it, Chuuya-kun. Should we arrange this meeting another time?”
“Yes, I think we should talk about the design some other time. But there’s something else to discuss right now, isn’t it?”
Dazai’s order of coffee arrived and he drank it after adding two packets of sugar. “I’m okay meeting some other time, but what’s else to discuss?”
The red-haired man squinted his eyes in confusion. “The memories, Dazai. I know you have them too.”
“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“We are soulmates, Dazai. When our eyes meet, I am overwhelmed with my memories and I am sure you are too.”
“Soulmates? I didn’t know you are the romantic type Chuuya-kun.”
The brunet kept denying it, and Chuuya started to wonder if his brain was playing tricks on him. Shouldn't soulmate relationships be a two-way street? …. No, Chuuya was sure about the memories. They felt too real to be fake. But why did Dazai seem like he didn’t remember anything?
“Why did you look shocked when you first saw me?”
“It was because you were staring at me weirdly, so I stared back.”
The shorter man’s mouth was left hanging open as he didn’t know what to say anymore. In the end, they both drank their drinks in silence. Both of them scheduled another meeting at the same place.
When Chuuya went to pay for his share of his drink, Dazai quickly paid for both of them.
“You can pay me back next time.” He winked and then left the cafe.
Chuuya was left standing in front of the cashier, and he still couldn’t comprehend what just happened. He went home and hoped that after some sleep everything would make sense.
---
Chuuya arrived at his workplace sluggishly. It was quite early, and not a lot of people had arrived yet. He tapped his fingers impatiently on his desk before he remembered that he didn’t drink any coffee that morning, so he decided to buy some from the vending machine. The vending machine was broken and he almost punched it in frustration. He decided to call Tachihara and hoped he hadn’t arrived at the office.
After it rang, Tachihara picked up. “Hello Chuuya-san, it’s quite a morning, what's up?”
“Tachihara, I need you to go to the nearest coffee shop you can find, and buy me a cold-brew coffee with double shots of espresso.”
“Eh? But I’m almost there! Are you even there yet?”
Chuuya took a deep breath before he replied, ignoring the question. “The vending machine broke.”
The line was silent for a moment but the call hadn’t ended yet. “Please,” Chuuya added.
He could hear the other sigh “Okay, but you owe me one.”
“Deal.” Then the phone call ended.
Chuuya walked back to his desk, feeling a little bit better with the promise of coffee. While he sat there, he daydreamed about his memories.
Too much was happening and he lost sleep trying to sort his thoughts. Well, he also lost sleep because he kept thinking about the brunet’s reaction. He didn’t remember. Why? What was happening? Was he lying? Well, in the past he liked to pull pranks, so it was a possibility.
His mouth turned upward when he thought about one particular memory that crossed his mind. Dazai once emptied all of the food inside his fridge and turned that situation as an excuse to cook together with the ingredients he just bought. It was eleven at night, and he didn’t have the energy to fight him. Chuuya threw a bag of flour to Dazai’s face though.
They ended up making gyoza until late 2 am. The gyoza was either fried or steamed. It didn’t look that appetizing, but Chuuya braved himself to try it first. The gyoza didn’t live up to his expectations, and his expectations were already low to begin with. Dazai took the piece he was eating and laughed at the taste. Hearing his laughter made him smile and made the gyoza taste better. They ate most of it but saved some for breakfast as well.
His daydream stopped when Tachihara put a cup of coffee with some cookies on his table. “Here, also some cookies free of charge, you probably haven’t eaten anything either.”
Hearing that made Chuuya realize he was hungry. He muttered ‘thanks,’ and ate the cookies. He glanced at Tachihara and compared him with his past self. He wasn’t this attentive before.
He then noticed most of the people he knew now were also his acquaintances from his past. This made him a little paranoid, what if his ‘memories’ were just an illusion? That meant he and Dazai weren't soulmates.
The short-man almost choked on his food and quickly drank his coffee. What? Am I that upset that he’s not my soulmate? he thought.
It wasn’t like him to have a crush on someone he just met. Maybe it was the idea of ‘soulmate’ itself that he was excited for, not the actual person, and before he used to be one of those people that scoffed at the idea of a soulmate. Chuuya laughed to himself, ‘What a hypocrite I am.’
Tachihara eyed him suspiciously but decided to leave it alone. If he wanted to talk, he would’ve told him anyway.
----
In the middle of eating lunch with his friends, Chuuya received a message from a certain brunet and he quickly opened it.
‘Do you mind if we discussed our project?’
He stared at his phone, typing and deleting his reply. After deciding the right words to use, he sent the message. ‘What time and place?’
‘Is tomorrow evening fine with you? At the cafe before.’
‘That could work, see you there.’
“Okay :)’
He laughed and finally ate his already cold food, ignoring the stares from the others.
---
Being so busy with work, he didn’t get the chance to organize his thoughts, so when he went home he took a piece of paper and started to organize his thoughts. He began to list the things he remembered. After some time passed, the paper was filled with the writings of him being a mafia, the missions, his ability. ‘My past life sure got their hands full.’ he thought to no one in particular.
Then he focused his recollections of Dazai. He recalled about them being a partner, his betrayal, and their reconciliation. Chuuya wondered what made his past self love this idiot. Mostly they just fought and bickered with each other, or Dazai pulled pranks on him. But eventually, they got married and he could feel happiness from that memory alone, and even more when they were together. It was shocking at first but after some time he accepted the fact.
Looking at the time it was already late and he still had work the next morning so he decided to sleep. After tidying up his table he brushed his teeth and went to bed. He let his mind wander one more time about the times they were together and he slept with a smile on his face.
---
Chuuya would admit it, Dazai hadn’t specified at what time the evening was, so when he waited for more than an hour he only had himself to blame. It didn’t mean he wasn’t annoyed though. He sent a simple text that he was already there and waited again.
He heard the doorbell rang and quickly shifted his eyes there… But it wasn’t the person he was waiting for. It happened three more times before he decided to ignore it and just scrolled through his social media. ‘What am I getting my hopes up, he probably will come like one hour later. And why is the cafe crowded today?’
He also ignored the sixth doorbell, eyes still fixated on the phone, occasionally checking his notifications whether a reply came. A rather long text post on social media appeared and he got engrossed in reading it. In the middle of reading, he got a message reading ‘Whatever on your phone must be interesting.’ He immediately looked up and he saw Dazai grinning.
“You know, you can tell me when you’re here,” Chuuya said.
Still maintaining that grin, Dazai replied, “Eh, but you look cute, so I don’t mind staring for a while.”
“Flirting with your work partner huh?” Chuuya sighed, then he mumbled the next words, “You haven’t changed much since then.”
The brunet flinched a little, but Chuuya didn’t notice it. “Well, let’s start discussing the project.”
Dazai explained their new product. About their target market, what image they wanted to bring, and the product itself. Chuuya took out some paper and a pen to start sketching a rough idea and showed it to Dazai. They discussed it until Dazai agreed with the design Chuuya offered. The agreement brought the meeting to an end.
The red-haired man was downright exhausted. In the middle of sliding his papers into a folder, a waitress came and put down a plate of strawberry shortcake in front of him and another in front of Dazai. He said to the waitress before she left “Sorry, but I didn’t order this.” Dazai replied first, “I did, it’s for you.”
Chuuya was feeling flustered. He thanked the waitress for bringing the cake and Dazai for buying it for him.
“Thank you, I do like strawberries.” Chuuya heard the brunet saying ‘no problem,’ and then ate the sweets. Many things were running inside his head. Was Dazai flirting with him? He also paid for the drinks before. But Dazai didn’t remember anything? Was it possible Dazai flirted with him because he was interested in him, not related to the soulmate thing at all?
They both ate in silence, something peaceful that Chuuya found comfort in. But he was reminded of one unfortunate event of the past and put down his fork.
“Hmm, what’s wrong Chuuya-kun?”
Chuuya glared at him and asked seriously. “Answer me, Dazai, did you buy this cake because of my height?”
Dazai just kept smiling, “I just thought strawberries could be a good option.”
The red-haired man could have sworn he saw him stifling a laugh but he ignored it to not make a scene. Once again he questioned, “Do you not remember anything?”
The brunet simply replied, “I am afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Chuuya wished the soulmate thing could be like a mark on their hand or something. That way he would have an easier time to know whether Dazai was lying or not. But he decided to keep the answer for now.
---
Chuuya would excuse their meeting ‘for the sake of the project’ but his friends would say it’s for the sake of a date. They justified that they had a reason to think like that. Because Chuuya put more attention to that Dazai guy, not like his other client. The ginger-haired man denied the date part but didn’t deny the attention part but just because he was embarrassed.
The project was running smoothly. There were some revisions needed but after some months discussing together, revision after revision, they finally agreed on the final design and thus bringing an end to the project.
Both of them kept being in contact, sometimes to hang out in the cafe again or watching a movie in the cinema. Their relationship grew into something more than just ‘partners at work.’ if Chuuya was to put it maybe he would say ‘friend’? Dazai would sometimes flirt though but he assumed it was just his personality.
Today was that kind of day where they hung out at Dazai’s place to watch a show on the tv together. They ordered pizzas to munch on and Chuuya also brought popcorn. Both of them were in their casual clothes.
Dazai was already sitting on the sofa and using a remote to search for a show they wanted. Once he found it he waited until Chuuya finished preparing the popcorn and the drinks. The pizzas hadn’t arrived yet, but they decided to munch on the popcorn first.
The red-haired man took a seat beside him, put the bowl of popcorn in between them, and the soda on the table with two glasses. He started the show and it was Gravity Falls. They at first disagreed deciding what to watch. In the end, they used dice to decide and it landed on ‘cartoons’ option. It gave them a laugh because it was the joke option but it got chosen anyway. But now they are invested in the story and the mysteries, they thanked the god of dice for giving them a chance to watch the show.
They were in season 2 of the show their eyes fixated on the tv and hands grabbing the popcorn. Occasionally, their hands would brush together at the popcorn bowl. When it happened before, Chuuya immediately retracted his hand but seeing zero reaction from the man beside him, he also brushed it off. It took 3 times watching a movie together for him to get used to it.
They had finished one episode but Dazai paused it before it continued to take a bathroom break. While sitting at the sofa, Chuuya’s mind brought him back to their past life. Dazai would sometimes come over unannounced and bring a DVD to watch together. He then remembered something similar happened in their past life and laughed to himself. Dazai would usually leave a mess in his home but his company wasn’t unwelcome.
“What are you laughing about?” The brunet returned and drank some sodas before sitting back.
“Something from the past. You always visit my house unannounced and leave without tidying up.”
Dazai grew quiet after that and Chuuya continued to remain oblivious to that fact. The pizzas arrived and the red-haired man offered to take it. Arriving back with two boxes of pizzas on his hand, he was confused with the lack of reaction from him. He opened the box and ate one. Dazai also did the same.
Just before he used the remote to continue the show, Dazai muttered under his breath, “Am I not enough for you to think of someone else?”
“Hmm, did you say something?” Chuuya asked.
He didn’t reply right away, taking some time being silent and that made him nervous. He finally spoke, “I feel like you’re confusing me with someone Chuuya-kun.”
“Huh?”
Dazai spoke more. “Every time we are together you always talk about ‘the past me.’ Like what we did together, or what my reaction was. It’s like you only see him, not me. Well, I don’t remember anything, so you can stop talking about him.”
Chuuya flinched at the sudden outburst. He didn’t know what to do and once again his mind went wild. What did it mean? Did he.. really treat Dazai like that?
The brunet noticed the flinch and tried to keep calm. A few seconds passed before Dazai apologized for ruining the mood and to forget all he had said before. “Let’s just continue watching the movie.”
“Yeah... Let’s.” He decided to accept the offer to avoid worsening the situation. He noticed Dazai didn’t touch the popcorn anymore, even if there were still some in the bowl.
They only watched 4 episodes as usual. They ended their hang out, and the ginger-haired man returned home. Arriving at his apartment he couldn’t help but think about what happened before. Dazai seemed frustrated about the incident before, but he also sensed a sadness in his tone of voice.
Whatever it was, he felt bad, but he didn’t know what to do. He sighed. “Maybe I could ask my friends tomorrow.” With that in mind, he texted his friends to meet after work tomorrow to have dinners together.
---
He invited Tachihara, Higuchi, Gin, and Ryuu to a sushi place. It was their usual place and they rented a private room. He wanted to talk at lunchtime as usual, but there were many noisy people there and he preferred only a few people know about his private life. They ordered some plates of sushi and drinks, some chose water and the others chose ocha.
While waiting for their order to arrive, Tachihara began to question him. “So what’s the occasion?”
“Yeah, Chuuya, it’s pretty rare,” Higuchi added.
“Even rarer after you met that Dazai person,” Ryuu spoke which made him earn a glare from Chuuya.
“I have something to talk about.”
“What?”, All of them spoke in unison in reply.
Chuuya thought about a way to make it dramatic, he blamed it on Dazai’s tendencies to be dramatic in their time together, but decided to keep it simple. “I think I found my soulmate but I am not quite sure”
“What?!” shouted Higuchi. The others shushed her, telling her they were in public, and she quickly put her hand on her mouth to silence herself.
“What just happened? And why aren’t you sure? You remember right? By soulmate’s rule that’s already a proof?”
“That’s the point, I remembered but Dazai didn’t”
“Maybe he's just faking it?”
“But what is the purpose of it?”
“Anyway, what I want to talk about is, I might have made him angry?”
Seeing the curious stare from his friends, he continued to talk about yesterday's event and about the sudden outburst that Dazai had. He explained that it happened because he mentioned something that happened in the past. He also added Dazai said he felt like he was comparing him to someone else. “Is it wrong for me to talk about that?”
The food arrived and they began to eat. Chuuya chewed on his food while still thinking about what he said before. If Dazai wasn’t his soulmate then why himself was burdened with the memory, and it’s not his fault to hope Dazai did remember. But he also felt guilty because for the look of it Dazai was upset about it. The thought made the food wasn’t as delicious as it usually was
After they were done eating, Gin brought back the conversation. “That man has a point. If he doesn’t remember, then you might be bothering him if you keep mentioning it.”
Tachihara spoke. “But isn’t he supposed to be Chuuya’s soulmate? Agh, I’m confused.”
“Dazai still said he didn’t remember, soulmate or not. Maybe fate is playing a trick and he was being honest, or maybe he is just lying, we don’t know that. What you need to do is respect him, and if he didn’t like being compared then stop it.”
The words from Gin hurt, but he knew it was the truth. Whatever happened he should have respected what Dazai wanted. “I guess you’re right. I will apologize to him.”
They took turns in paying whenever they went out to eat and coincidentally now it was Chuuya’s turn to pay. They parted their ways and Chuuya went back to home.
Before sleeping, he checked his phone and there were some notifications. He scrolled through but there’s nothing from the brunet. He continued to wait for a while until the tiredness forced him to sleep. When he woke up in the morning, the result was still the same and he didn't know what to feel about it.
---
A few days later the shorter man finally felt brave enough to send a text to Dazai. They decided to meet again at Dazai’s home and talked about things. When Chuuya arrived the mood was still very awkward. Chuuya nervously sat on the sofa alone, while Dazai was preparing some drinks. The sofa that usually was cosy to sit in suddenly became uncomfortable and he just wanted to bolt out.
But he needed to stay, he had to sort this out quickly. He didn’t like this awkwardness that happened. They haven’t talked after so long and Chuuya wanted to fix it.
When the brunet came back from the kitchen, placed two glasses of water on the table, and sat on the sofa. Chuuya knew he had to say it now before his cowardness took over again.
“I-” They both said in unison. It shocked both of them and it made them look at each other. T hey both looked back and forth to one another and offered for the other to speak first, but neither of them wanted to . It happened for a while until they both laughed at the silliness of the situation. Chuuya could only think about how beautiful the sound of Dazai’s laugh.
He remembered the problem from before. About how Dazai thought that he only saw the past him. But now, Chuuya knew it wasn’t true.
Their past might be something that made the shorter man want to get closer to Dazai. He also might be hung up with the whole soulmate thing. But at this moment, being so happy and warm just because hearing the others laugh, enjoying the moment they were together, realizing that he didn’t want to be apart again.
He had always felt an attraction to him, never to the point of “I want to spend my life waking up beside you” feeling, but now he wanted to spend his whole life listening to Dazai’s laugh. He realized that he had fallen in love.
Chuuya wanted to tell the brunet as soon as possible. It was that sudden burst of feelings that he wanted to get out. Still, this was not the right time to confess, he needed to convince Dazai that his feelings were real and not because of the memories.
After Dazai finished laughing, he proposed that they both said what they wanted to say together. It made Chuuya aware of his thoughts and remembered the reason he came there. Dazai counted to three and they both finally spoke their feelings. “I am sorry.”
They both looked at each other again, surprised with what the others said. The mood heated as they argued.
The shorter man spoke first, “You don’t have to apologize, it’s my fault!”
Dazai replied, “No Chuuya, it wasn’t your fault, it’s mine for being overreacting”
Now he turned his hips so he could face Dazai better. “I understand Dazai, and I really shouldn’t have done that. It’s my fault for being too pushy about it”
The brunet spoke clearly without any hesitation. It seems like he also had thought about it a lot. “No, you have a right for that. Seemingly being soulmate is important to you. I should have respected it. It's just that…” Dazai paused for a moment. “I feel like being compared too much. I don’t want you to see him in me. I want you to see me as I am right now”
Some of the ice on their drinks had already melted, leaving one ice cube on each other's glass. Chuuya took his glass and drank it to relieve his throat. Dazai also drank his and went back to the kitchen to bring the refill.
They continued their talk after Chuuya drank his second glass. They both agreed none of them was at fault, because if not then their argument would never end.
“It didn’t excuse my action but I spoke too much about the past because I thought it would help to jog your memories.”
“We already agree to not blaming ourselves right? It’s fine. I am also at fault because I didn’t know how important it was to you before.”
Chuuya wanted to speak more, to point out that the brunet was also still blaming himself, but Dazai shoved a snack in his mouth to prevent him from talking. It was a silent code for them to drop the matter. Chuuya continued to chew on the savoury snack.
They did their usual routine, watching and criticizing movies together. But now, after Chuuya realized his feelings. The focus of his attention wasn’t 100 per cent on the movie anymore. Occasionally, he would glance on the brunet’s reaction when it’s the funny part.
Though most of the time Dazai noticed his glance. The shorter man immediately shifted his face back to the TV from embarrassment. He did wonder if he was too obvious, because how did the brunet keep catching his stare. He didn’t notice that Dazai had already done the same since long ago.
The moon showed up but he didn’t want to leave yet. Dazai reminded him about his work tomorrow and reluctantly Chuuya packed his stuff.
In front of the door, Dazai offered again “Are you sure you don’t want me to accompany you home? It’s quite late now.”
The selfish part of him wanted to say yes but still, he refused the offer because it would cause Dazai to come back home even later than him. “No, I am fine. I am quite familiar with this area anyway”
Knowing there’s no more time to argue, Dazai just accepted it. “Tell me when you’ve arrived at home.”
“I will.” With that Chuuya bid his goodbye and went straight home. His steps were now lighter without the worry in his mind. He still needs to work out on his feelings somehow, but he would get to it.
---
Their relationships progressed even further. After the conversation they had Chuuya never brought up the past again. Or at least, tried his best not to. Dazai also looked more relaxed than ever.
They went to a beach together where they played around and removed their shoes so they could play in the water. It didn’t last long because Dazai took one of Chuuya’s shoes and ran quickly. The shorter man followed him to take his shoe back.
While being chased, Dazai shouted, “Hey Chuuya, I think I love you.”
Being exhausted after playing and now running, Chuuya was only focused on having revenge on Dazai. His reply was “Yeah, I love you too.” and continue to chase him.
Dazai stopped and Chuuya was about to yell at him. Dazai gave him his shoe back and waited until Chuuya wore it. He took a heavy breath and uttered the words he wanted to say, “Chuuya, would you like to be my lover?”
Finally the words Dazai said before fully registered in his head. Chuuya went through a roller coaster of emotions in his head. He could feel his heart was beating loud, but not sure if it was because of the run from earlier or because he was nervous.
“Yes.” The words came out like a squeak and he immediately cleared his throat. He took a look at the brunet’s face and could see him holding a laugh. A part of him felt irritated but he also felt himself calming down. In a more clear voice and with certainty in it, he repeated his answer, “Yes.”
It was 1 year 2 months after meeting when they confessed their love to each other. They still fought like normal couples do but didn’t let it become severe enough to the point of breaking up.
And it was 4 months later when Dazai confessed another secret.
“Chuuya, I need to tell you something but you can’t be mad.”
“Hmm?” Chuuya’s mouth was full of snacks. He silently thought “ Sneaky bastard, he waited until I ate first .”
“Do you promise?”
Chuuya gulped down the food and talked. “Tell me first and I will consider it.”
Dazai played with his food, refusing to make eye contact. “Nevermind then.”
Chuuya wanted to reassure the brunet that everything would be fine, he wouldn’t get angry and would accept whatever secret he had. But that would be a lie because he couldn’t trust his temper.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me yet, I will wait.”
“No, I will tell you now, I have made you wait long enough.”
Chuuya stayed silent and waited for Dazai. The brunet took a deep breath, raised his head to meet Chuuya’s eyes, and said: “I do have memories about our past.”
If Chuuya was being honest, he didn’t know what to do with the information. Yes, that means Dazai lied about them not being soulmates but in the end, they were together. He also had already overcome the dilemma before and he accepted Dazai whether he was really his soulmate or not.
He noticed the taller man was tapping his finger on the table, so he quickly reassured him, “I am not mad.” Chuuya saw the cautious look on his boyfriend's face and continued, “ Really, I am not mad at all. Thank you for telling me this.”
“Don’t you wonder about the reason why?”
“Well I do, but I am okay with not knowing, I am already past the whole soulmate thing anyway.”
“Thank you Chuuya.”
Chuuya smiled in reply and continued eating his snacks, with Dazai occasionally taking some from him. His head thought of a what if situation if he didn’t have the memory, would he still fall in love with Dazai? He didn’t need a lot of time to answer yes. In the end, them being soulmates wasn’t an important factor in their relationship.
He took a glance at his boyfriend and nodded to himself. He was happy now.