Chapter Text
The incessant sound wouldn’t stop. Kyoshi shut her eyes tight and turned around in her bed, willing the noise to go away. It was no use; her alarm clock seemed to have a personal vendetta against her. Groaning, Kyoshi checked her phone and cursed under her breath as she hurriedly hopped into the shower; they told her not to get the 8AM classes, but she thought the 11:30 class was a safe bet. Apparently, it wasn’t.
To be fair, it was not as if she didn’t have a good reason to oversleep, between working the evening shift at the local supermarket and her… not so upstanding dealings, the hours she actually had to get some much needed sleep weren’t a lot. Kyoshi looked at herself in the mirror and couldn’t help but flinch at the long bags under her eyes that resembled bruises to the untrained eye. With a sigh she applied as much makeup as she could to thoroughly cover her tiredness and freckles.
Rushing out of the 2-bedroom apartment she shared with 3 other people (the only accommodation she could afford), Kyoshi sprinted towards the humanities building, hoping that her Public Law and Organization professor wouldn´t notice her entering the class 10 minutes late.
Sneaking into the first seat in the back row of the classroom as quietly as she could, Kyoshi carefully watched her professor for any sign of annoyance. Hei-Ran was a middle aged woman who was incredibly strict in her teaching and valued discipline over talent; that’s why she also hated those who dared be late for her class. Thankfully, Hei-Ran didn’t acknowledge her except for a slight narrowing of her eyes and continued talking. Kyoshi thought she was in the clear until her eyes came to rest on the other person seated in front of the class.
Sitting on the right side of the professor’s desk, a spot reserved for the course’s TA, was a strikingly beautiful woman, about her age with long black hair styled in a ponytail and warm brown eyes that were currently trying to kill Kyoshi with only a look. Rangi was not happy with her tardiness and she would let her know as soon as the class was over. I’m so screwed.
It was torture to keep her eyes open during the long talks about the limits of the Administration’s discretional powers, not because she thought it was a boring subject, but because Kyoshi had only managed to get 4 hours of sleep that night and maybe around 15 that week in total, if she was being charitable. Nevertheless, she willed herself to be strong and remain awake; Kyoshi didn’t need Rangi berating her for falling asleep in class on top of being late.
After what felt like a lifetime, professor Hei-Ran made an announcement; “Before the class is over, I wanted to remind all of you that the deadline to submit your projects for the Lotus Research Fellowship position ends this Sunday at 11:59 PM. I don’t think I need to remind you that this is an incredible and prestigious opportunity for any one of you and that while it is not a paid position, it does cover the cost of tuition as long as you’re employed.” Then the stern woman looked at her watch and dismissed her students.
She would have run away as fast as she could after professor Hei-Ran had finished talking as to avoid Rangi unleashing her fury onto her, if Kyoshi had been smart and in full use of her reflexes. But alas, she was neither.
“Where do you think you’re going?” The seething voice called up behind her as she was about to rush out the door.
“Just going to the library.” Kyoshi said without looking back at Rangi, knowing full well that she wasn’t able to lie to her face.
“Oh, and here I thought you’d go take a nap now, given how much you struggled to pay attention during the class” Of course Rangi had noticed, they’d known each other for far too long to be deceived.
Still Kyoshi tried. “I just yawned once.”
“I watched you throughout the class. Honestly I’m surprised you lasted that long, you idiot”
“You watched me during the class?” Kyoshi said, trying to change the topic while butterflies appeared in her stomach. It was fun to tease Rangi; ever since they were kids Kyoshi lived for making her long time friend flustered. However, somewhere down the line the teasing had backfired and now Kyoshi was hopelessly in love with Rangi while completely certain that her now TA would never feel the same way. Better enjoy this as long as I can.
Predictably, Rangi’s whole face went red but to her credit maintained her composure. “What time did you go to sleep yesterday?”
“I don’t remember”, said Kyoshi, not quite looking at her face
“Goddamit Kyoshi, you can’t just keep on throwing away your future like this, you have to take your studies seriously, your grades are barely passing and…” Rangi stopped mid sentence when she heard Kyoshi’s stomach grumble loudly; she pinched the bridge of her nose with force and asked with barely masked irritation, “When was the last time you ate?”
“I had a sandwich yesterday night.” Sandwich was a charitable description of the last slice of bread she had at home with some stolen peanut butter from her roommate Kirima.
“Somehow I do not believe you”, said Rangi, already taking her bag and walking out the door, “Come on, we’re getting some food on the cafeteria.”
As much as Kyoshi would have loved to accept her friend’s offer, a quick mental check of her bank account said something different. “Sorry Rangi, but I really have to go to the library and study; you said it yourself, I need to take my studies more seriously!”
“You can do that in a few minutes with a full stomach”, Rangi said more as a threat than a fact. “And I don’t believe you will eat properly if I don’t treat you, you big oaf!”
A light blush dusted Kyoshi’s cheeks as she caught up to Rangi while walking towards the cafeteria. Her best friend was still pretty much irritated towards her and so she decided to keep quiet about their previous discussion. Once they arrived at their destination, Rangi bought her the biggest egg and avocado sandwich they offered, alongside a cup of tea with 2 teaspoons of sugar and a splash of milk; she knew exactly what Kyoshi liked.
After the first bite, Kyoshi could have sworn she was about to cry. Truth be told, she hadn’t been eating more than 1-dollar ramen packages, tuna cans and bread with stolen peanut butter for days and this was a much-appreciated change of pace. When Rangi spotted the delight with which she devoured her food, she arched an eyebrow and was about to continue her rant on the wonders of self preservation when Kyoshi interrupted her by asking the first question that came to her mind; she didn’t need Rangi knowing how tight money was at the moment.
“Is your mom pissed I was late for class?” Hei-Ran was Rangi’s mother and had known her ever since Kelsang had taken her under his wing. Despite everything, Kyoshi was at least 30% sure that her professor cared about her. At least in her own, cold way.
“I wouldn’t say pissed… she’s firm”, said the TA carefully, looking away. Kyoshi immediately knew what she meant. It was the same treatment they got when they were kids and returned to Rangi’s home, knees scratched after Kyoshi got harassed in the park and her best friend would chase her bullies around with a stick, “and she told me to warn you not to be late again or she’ll kick you out of the class for the semester.”
“I know, it really won’t happen again.” Looking down at her almost finished sandwich Kyoshi had the overwhelming urge to cry; she was just too exhausted, and didn’t know how much longer she could continue like this.
“Kyoshi, what’s going on?”, Rangi said softly, taking her hand into hers. It wasn’t often that her best friend gave into physical shows of affection, but they were always heartfelt when she did. “You know you can trust me.”
The warmth in her eyes was too much for Kyoshi. She was about to open her mouth and spill all the secrets she had been carrying around for so long to Rangi, but she was interrupted by someone grabbing them both by the shoulders and loudly proclaiming: “Rangi, what are you doing to poor sweet Kyoshi?” Yun suddenly hugged them and playfully ruffled their hair. “Is she ranting about the new definition of cheating in the Honor Code?”
Yun was the last member of their childhood friend group. Tall, handsome and charismatic, he was always the one who was able to talk them out of trouble. He was a young promise of the school and, even though he lacked any connections, everyone knew he was being groomed for a career in diplomacy. Kyoshi more often than not wondered why he stuck around them for so long when everyone wanted to be in his proximity.
Rangi shot Kyoshi one last glance, aware of how close she had been to opening up but letting the subject go for now. Instead she looked at her friend and let out a snarky reply; “As if you had taken the time to read the new Honor Code”, she said rolling her eyes, “It took them long enough to change it, the one before was too broad.”
“Oh no! Dishonor on our cows!!!”, Yun screamed dramatically while shaking Kyoshi in mock desperation. The two of them couldn’t help but laugh while Rangi continued to fume.
“Laugh all you want, but the cheaters are the worst of the academic community. Taking others’ work, pretending that they have the knowledge needed to be a professional, lying to everyone around them. Absolutely despicable!”
Kyoshi’s laughter died on her lips when Rangi finished her tirade. She remembered the reasons why she couldn’t tell her best friend how she was getting the money she needed to pay for tuition and her own expenses. Rangi would never forgive her, and while having her as a close friend wasn’t the ideal situation in her mind, she wasn’t sure what she would do if she suddenly were to lose Rangi.
“I should probably go now”, Kyoshi said, standing up and drinking the last of her tea.
“But I just got here, let's have some fun!”, Yun whined, “I hardly ever get to hang out with you anymore!” Rangi just looked at Kyoshi with a strange mix of concern and something else she couldn’t quite place.
“Yeah, I know, I’m sorry” She picked up her book, not quite looking at her friends in the face. There was a pang of guilt and nostalgia that went through her that she immediately squished down. “But I really need to get up to speed with Contemporary International Policy before the midterm or I’ll fail that class. I promise to meet you two during the weekend!”
It was only Thursday, by the time the weekend rolled around Kyoshi was certain that her friends would have forgotten about her promise. “Alright, you ungrateful giant, I’ll see you around” Yun pouted. Rangi gave her one last thoughtful look before Kyoshi ran away from them.
Kyoshi pretended to head towards the library, but as soon as her friends weren’t able to see her, she turned around and went straight to her apartment. She had a lot of work to do before her supermarket shift and she wanted to be able to sleep a few more hours today.
Once at her place, Kyoshi put down her stuff in her bedroom and headed towards the common area where her roommates Wong and Lek were playing on their old, beaten up Xbox, loudly swearing at each other. She waved and they barely acknowledged her, too entranced in their game to actually care about Kyoshi. She didn’t take this the wrong way, already used to the importance her roommates placed on their gaming abilities.
“Do you know where Kirima is?”, Kyoshi asked once the round was over, and a furious Lek threatened to kill Wong - a surreal picture when you considered that Lek was barely above 5 feet tall and looked like a high schooler and Wong was just as tall as Kyoshi and had the mussels of someone who spends a decent amount of time at the gym.
“She’s here somewhere”, Wong answered, content with his victory.
“Do you know if she has any Flying Opera mail for me?”, Kyoshi asked using the code they had invented for their dealings. She was hoping for an affirmative answer; she really wasn’t feeling like taking another shift at the supermarket this month.
“Are you done already with the one she gave you on Monday?”, Lek asked surprised, eyebrows shooting up.
“Yeah, I finished it yesterday night.”
“I told you this girl was promising”, Wong cheered a little, gloating. The truth was, Lek had been against their group recruiting Kyoshi, it was too risky in his opinion; she was too close to one professor’s daughter and could ruin everything. They called themselves the Daofei, the most wanted essays, papers and exam dealers on campus. If the Administration caught so much as a whiff of who they were, they’d all be expelled immediately. The risk was high, but so were the prices when you guaranteed an A+.
“She’s alright, I guess”, said Lek, looking away. As much as he hated to admit it, he had warmed up to Kyoshi after some time.
“Of course she’s alright, she knows that many knives await her if she rats us out.” Kirima’s voice came from behind them; she was average height, but looked very short next to Kyoshi - as most people did. She usually had an easy smile and loved to tease her roommate with threats of death if she were to open her mouth. At least I hope she’s teasing.
“So do you have anything for me?”, Kyoshi asked, eager to get to work and clear her mind of her encounter with Rangi.
“Depends, are you buying me a new peanut butter jar?”, Kirima asked while plopping down on the couch.
“I only took one teaspoon out!”
“A teaspoon for the past few weeks! The whole jar is almost gone!”
“Ughh fine, I’ll pick up a jar when I leave for my shift.” Kyoshi didn’t feel like arguing anymore, partly because she was bone tired and partly because she knew Kirima had a point.
“Thank you, and no, I don’t have anything for you”, her roommate said offhandedly.
“What? Come on, there’s gotta be something!” Kyoshi knew that in this time of the semester things slowed down somewhat, that’s why she never fully got rid of her day job (that and to keep Rangi off her scent), “I really don’t want to pull a double shift next week!”
“Well, there’s something but I was actually thinking of turning it down.” Kirima stood up, rummaged through her bag and threw a piece of paper with something scribbled on it. That was odd, usually paper requests had way more substance to them, more details, suggestions and other ideas they could use. “Some useless nitwit wants to apply to the Lotus Fellowship, but the deadline is way too soon and the dude doesn’t even give us an idea of what he wants to present.”
“That’s gotta up the price on that.”
“Kyoshi, you speak my language”, Kirima said with a short laugh, “It’s a 50 page project, with no suggested subject, no additional readings and a late fee, you could get 500 dollars if you think you can pull it off.”
“Hey! Why does the television antenna get the big bucks here?” Lek interjected annoyed. He liked to compensate for his height by making fun of Kyoshi’s.
“Because she’s lucky she’s a poli sci major, if there’s a bio fellowship, I’ll let you know”, Kirima responded dismissively.
“I could do it”, Kyoshi said. She had an idea of what she wanted to write about, back when she thought she’d had the time. I wasn’t going to win anyways. “Can’t guarantee they’ll win, but I could do something decent.”
“‘Decent’ she says”, Wong laughed from his spot on the kitchen, “knowing you, the slacker will probably get at least an honorable mention on the Dean’s list.”
“Alright, I’ll send him the price and the caveat,” Kirima said, reaching for her phone. Their system was as safe as it could get, Wong, who was a computer science major, set up an email server that couldn’t be traced back to them and assured their clients anonymity even from the Daofei members themselves. After the confirmation was sent, the client had to transferred them the agreed amount of bitcoin and they would receive their paper on their email right on time. “I think you can start now, the slacker seems desperate enough to pay.”
“Thanks Kirima”, Kyoshi said, already thinking of what she could do with her extra money, maybe she could treat Rangi to eat something for a change. “I’ll take the rest of your peanut butter then, ok, great, bye!” She left running towards her desk before her roommate could even process what she was saying.
Kyoshi sat down, looked at the scribbled notes of her project idea for the Lotus Fellowship with a little bit of longing… What if she tried this time? What if she for some reason actually won the fellowship, and her tuition was taken care of and her job prospects no longer looked grim? What if she won and for once she could be good enough to be in the presence of Rangi?
Kyoshi was acutely aware of how much she had dishonored herself in the two years she had been in college, of how low she would be in Rangi’s mind if she were to find out. Hell, she was already on shaky grounds because her grades were plummeting and had taken on the habit of sleeping during class. Her crush would never understand the hunger she had known when she was a kid and how much it meant for her to have the type of income the Daofei provided her, even at the cost of her own time and academic life.
It didn’t matter anyways; she had made her choice a long time ago. Those 500 dollars were safe and the fellowship was only a possibility. She wasn’t good enough. And with that thought Kyoshi cracked open her text book and started sketching a rough draft of her project.
*******
It had taken absolutely everything she had out of her to finish the project; she had poured every ounce of herself into it, forgetting for a moment that it was to have someone else’s name on the cover. It was about how public policy geared towards early childhood protection could be shaped by the subjects’ participation. Kyoshi had picked the topic for two main reasons: one because she had already read quite a bit about it, and two because she couldn’t help being passionate about preventing other orphan kids from going through what she had.
Even though it was Monday morning class with professor Hei-Ran, and Kyoshi managed to be on time, she lost her battle to the lack of sleep and snoozed off while sitting in a corner that she hoped would be discreet enough. Of course, it wasn’t discreet enough for Rangi.
Kyoshi was rudely awoken by a hard slap on the back of her head but thankfully avoided making any loud noises. A few people around her snickered, and Hei-Ran seemed the slightest bit annoyed but otherwise nobody paid them any mind.
“What is going on, Kyoshi?”, Rangi furiously whispered, her voice had a worrisome edge to it and her eyes betrayed more concerned than anger. “I’ve known you since forever and I know this is not you.”
“It’s just the supermarket running me ragged”, Kyoshi deflected, not able to look her in the eye.
“You’re lying to me”, Rangi’s hurt in her voice was clear for Kyoshi and it broke her heart. “You think I don’t notice the layer of makeup covering the bags under your eyes? How you’re spaced out all the time? … How you’ve been avoiding me?”
“Rangi I…” Kyoshi started but she didn’t know what she would say.
“My mom thinks you’re on drugs”, her best friend continued, begging with her eyes. “Please talk to me, I am so worried.”
Before Kyoshi could answer Rangi, professor Hei-Ran glared at both of them and loudly proclaimed, “If you two on the back row think my class is not as interesting as whatever the hell it is you’re talking about, the door is wide open.”
“We are very sorry, professor Hei-Ran, it will not happen again”, Rangi said, bowing her head slightly, trying to regain her TA respect. Her mother just gave her a curt nod and continued the lecture. Kyoshi tried to squeeze her best friend’s hand, but Rangi forcefully moved it away from her.
The tension built between them as they waited for the class to end, both knowing full well that either a heartfelt talk or a screaming match would come after. Kyoshi wasn’t sure anymore which option she feared the most. She decided to focus on her professor instead of her growing inner turmoil.
“Lastly before you go, I am pleased to announce the winner of this year’s Lotus Research Fellowship, who will be working alongside me and a select group of professors making the project they submitted a reality”, Hei-Ran spoke capturing everyone’s attention, excitement bubbling up between the students, “The selected project is titled ‘Listening to the children. How to adequately include them into the public policy making process’ by Yun Beifong.”
Kyoshi felt her world suddenly collapse around her. Before she knew it, she was already out of the door, hot tears streaming down her face.