Chapter Text
It was supposed to be an easy drug bust. Oliver didn’t even take Roy with him.
Felicity talked him through it, getting in the warehouse, disarming the security, cuffing the drug dealers and waiting for the cops.
‘I’m heading home’, Oliver said. ‘See you soon.’
Felicity shut off the comm link and went back to her system maintenance, the sounds of Roy puttering with the arrows in the background bringing her comfort.
Twenty minutes later, she hears the door beep open, and she’s already smiling, turning around in her chair and expecting to see Oliver walking down the stairs.
Instead, she sees Deadshot.
And just as her brain catches up with that, Roy comes to stand in front of her, gun pointed at Lawton’s chest.
‘Wait’, she says pointedly, grabbing a hold of Roy’s arm. ‘That’s Floyd Lawton, it’s okay. I think.’ Roy nods, barely visible, showing Felicity that he remembers all the stories they told him about Deadshot.
He doesn't lower his gun, but Lawton doesn't seem threatening to Felicity. He was standing stiffly, with his hands in front of him, looking at Roy, but he didn’t seem to have any guns on him.
‘How did you get in here?’, Felicity asks him, the first question that comes to her mind.
‘John told me the access code’, he tells her slowly, finally taking his eyes off Roy.
‘Why?’, Felicity asks weary, dread pulling at her stomach.
Deadshot swallows hard and doesn’t answer her, turning to look at Roy again.
‘Lower the gun, kid. I’m not armed and I’m not here to hurt you.’
As Roy puts the gun away, Felicity steps in front of him, frowning at Lawton, who instantly turns to look at her.
‘Why did John tell you how to get in?’
Lawton doesn’t answer, he just looks at her. His jaw is clenched and she can't read his expression precisely, but she realizes that he is concerned.
‘What happened to John?’, Felicity’s voice breaks over the words.
‘John’s fine.’, Deadshot finally says. ‘He… he’s on his way to the hospital and he-‘
‘You said he was fine’, Felicity shrieks.
‘He is’, Lawton takes a step forward. ‘He wanted me to come get you.’
‘You’re not making any sense’, she raises her voice, even if it still falters.
Deadshot sighs and takes another step forward.
‘Oliver was on his bike, coming back here.’, he says slowly.
‘No’, Felicity whispers, hands coming up to cover her mouth.
‘There was an explosion’, Lawton continues, taking another step forward. ‘The bike fell on top of him. It’s bad, but-‘
‘How bad?’, Roy asks, urgently.
Deadshot doesn’t look away from Felicity. ‘I don’t know exactly, but it’s not good. They’re taking him to the hospital, and Argus doctors are going to work on him. I’ll take you.’
He takes another step towards Felicity, and she promptly falls to the floor and starts screaming.
Once, twice, three times. There are tears running down her face and she can’t breathe. So she keeps screaming.
She isn’t aware of Deadshot lowering himself in front of her, not until he puts both of his hands on her cheeks. Felicity flinches, but he doesn’t back away.
He just holds her head, until she quiets down. Felicity has no idea how much time passes, but when she looks around, her computers are closed, all the guns and arrows are put away and Roy is leaning against a pillar, with tears in his eyes and looking at her in concern and desperation.
‘Felicity’, Deadshot says softly, making her flinch again, but she did look at him. ‘Take a deep breath and get up. We need to get to the hospital.’
She nods weekly, and he wordlessly helps her up and into her coat. Felicity is vaguely aware of Roy arming the security system and shutting the lights off, but she puts all her energy into moving and breathing, and even so, Lawton all but carries her up the stairs.
They get into a black nondescript van, Lawton driving. Everything’s a blur to Felicity, but they’re all sitting in the front seat, and felling the two men beside her grounds her, somewhat.
She flinches hard when her phone rings, and Roy takes it out of his pocket and puts in on speaker.
‘Where are you?’, John’s detached voice comes through, and that hurts Felicity beyond belief. She cries harder.
‘Ten minutes out’, Lawton answers, speeding like crazy.
‘Felicity’, John says, softer.
‘How is he?’, she manages to breathe out.
‘Bad’, John answers after a pause. ‘He’s in surgery, they’re letting me go in. I’m not gonna be outside when you get here.’
‘How bad?’, Roy asks when it’s clear that Felicity won’t manage to say anything else.
‘I don’t know, man’, Digg sighs. ‘Broken bones and a bad head injury. His brain’s swollen and … He’s in surgery.’
‘Shit’, Roy says with feeling. Felicity hiccups, and he instantly wraps a hand around her shoulders and brings her closer to him. She turns her head into his shoulder and tries her best to breathe through her sobs.
‘We’ll be there in 5, John’, Deadshot says. ‘Update us when you can.’
‘Thanks, man’, John sighs.
‘Don’t mention it.’ Lawton shakes his head, and Felicity thinks she missed something, but she can’t get her mind to focus enough on it.
When they get to the hospital, a whole wing has been closed off, men in Kevlar with guns keeping everybody out. They all open the door for Deadshot, looking with pity at Felicity. She must look like a mess, she’s still crying and holding onto Roy’s hand like a lifeline.
They reach the end of a long corridor, and the whiteness of everything makes Felicity feel even worse. When she sees Waller waiting beside two doors, something clicks.
‘Who put the bomb?’, is the first thing Felicity says to Amanda. ‘Lawton said there was an explosion.’
‘Miss Smoak’, Amanda says curtly, and it makes Felicity’s blood boil.
‘You shut down a wing of the hospital, you’re feeling guilty, what the hell happened?’
It takes a while and an intense glaring contest, but Waller starts talking, in the end.
‘One of our… inmates escaped last week.’
‘Inmates?’, Felicity frowns. ‘From Purgatory or from the… Squad?’
‘The latter’, Waller nods, eyes skipping to Deadshot. ‘We needed him back, but today it became clear that it wasn’t going to happen.’
‘So you blew him up’, Felicity finally understood. ‘Without checking who or what was around.’
Amanda didn’t say anything, and that was enough of an answer. It made Felicity laugh. It sounded hollow.
‘How many more times do you have to screw up before you realize your ways are wrong?’
Amanda opens her mouth to answer, but Felicity cuts her off.
‘Just go, please. Thank you for the support’, she bites out, ‘for the doctors and security. But I might just punch you if I see your face anymore.’
Waller just blinks, surprised, but she does nod and starts to move away. Before she leaves though, she hands Felicity something. When she realizes it’s Oliver’s hood, Felicity rushes to grab it, holding onto it as tightly as she can. But her knees also give out, and Deadshot’s there to wordlessly sit her down in a chair.
It takes a while for Felicity to calm down, and when she does, Roy is sitting in a chair next to her and Lawton is standing in front of them, pacing.
‘You didn’t leave with your boss?’, Felicity finds herself asking.
Deadshot turns to look at her, an odd expression on his face.
‘I’m not here for Waller’, he says around a smile. ‘I’m here cause John asked me to take care of you.’
She doesn’t know what to answer to that, and her brain glitches.
‘We have to call Laurel’, Felicity finds herself saying.
‘Laurel Lance?’, Deadshots frowns, and Felicity nods. ‘I’ll let them know to let her through’.
When he leaves, Felicity turns towards Roy. ‘I can’t talk to her.’
He nods, and squeezes her knee comfort. ‘I’ll take care of it.’
Felicity looses time again. She’s aware when she takes her heels off, she knows she’s clutching to the hood so strongly that her knuckles are white and she knows that she doesn’t stop crying.
Next thing she knows, Laurel’s barging through the doors, her father hot on her heels. She looks angry, he looks confused, and Felicity all but freezes.
‘What happened?’, Laurel yells at Felicity, but she can’t answer.
‘Miss Smoak?’, Lance asks more calmly. ‘Laurel said Oliver was hurt, what are you-‘
He stops talking when his eyes zero in on Oliver’s hood, and Felicity flinches hard.
‘What happened?’, Laurel yells again, grabbing a hold of Felicity’s chin and making her look up. ‘You were supposed to protect him, not drive him into an explosion.’
‘Lady!’, Deadshot yells, pushing Laurel’s hand away from Felicity. ‘I will escort you out if you don’t stop yelling.’
‘Who the hell are you?’
‘Floyd Lawton’, he deadpans. ‘Also known as Deadshot.’
Laurel steps back at that, and Lance looks like he’s having a heart attack.
‘My boss is an idiot’, he continues in a straight tone. ‘And she didn’t check who was around before detonating a bomb.’
‘Your boss?’, the captain asks, wearily.
‘Argus’, Deadshot nods. ‘Our doctors are working on Oliver as we speak. We’re still waiting for updates, but there’s swelling in his brain and it doesn’t look good.’
Hearing Lawton say that, it makes Felicity cry harder, sobbing again. She clutches the hood to her chest and she feels like she can’t breathe. Her vision blurs and the people talking around her seem to be fading away.
There are hands on her face, and when she manages to blink and look up, she sees Lawton’s eye patch. He’s talking to her, but she can’t hear him properly. She starts screaming again.
When he puts a hand over her mouth, pinching her nose, Felicity panics even more. But he sits down next to her, holds her tightly and speaks into her ear, tells her to hold her breath.
And she does, and everything goes back to normal. When Lawton takes his hand away, he doesn’t go very far.
‘Okay?’, he asks hopefully, and Felicity nods.
‘I haven’t had a panic attack in years’, she whispers and her voice is raw.
Deadshot smirks. ‘Sweetheart, you were due for one since you found the Arrow bleeding on your back seat.’
Her lip trembles at the mention of Oliver and she closes her eyes. Lawton doesn’t let go of her, on the contrary.
‘Breath, Felicity’, he says softly, rubbing circles on her back.
The doors open then, and John comes through. He’s wearing scrubs and a murderous expression on his face.
‘What the hell happened?’, he roars, crouching in front of Felicity and grabbing a hold of her hands. She didn’t even realize how hard she was shaking until John stopped it.
‘Ms. Lance was a bitch, Mr. Lance just realized that Queen’s the Arrow and Felicity had a panic attack.’
‘How is he?’, Felicity asks before John can say something else.
‘He’s out of surgery’, Digg says slowly. ‘But the doctors are concerned about the swelling in his brain, so they’re keeping him in a coma for 24 hours. If the swelling goes down by then, they’ll wake him up.’
‘I don’t…’, Felicity takes a shuddering breath. ‘I don’t understand what that means.’
‘Me neither’, Digg sighs. ‘I just know that the next 24 hours are important and that there’s nothing we can do.’
‘I need-‘, she tries, but he doesn’t let her talk.
‘You need to go home. You need to calm down, take a shower, have a Valium and sleep.’
‘But-‘
‘Don’t even try arguing with me right now.', John levels her with a look. 'We’re going home.’
She nods weakly, because she knows he’s right.
John gets up and levels Quentin with a look. ‘Do we need to have a conversation?’
‘Not right now we don’t’, the Captain is quick to answer. ‘Come on, Laurel, let me take you home.’
‘Call me when you find out something’, she asks of Digg, and he nods, already moving to take Felicity away.
Once again, the ride is a blur. They take the van again, she sits in the back, pressed against Roy, with Deadshot driving and Digg next to him.
They go to her apartment, and Felicity pauses when she realizes that Deadshot isn’t stepping out of the car. So she taps on his window, and waits until he lowers it.
‘There’s a parking lot down the street’, Felicity tells him. ‘Park it and come back.’
‘Why?’, Lawton frowns.
‘Watch some tv, order some pizza’, Felicity shrugs, making him frown even more. ‘Take advantage of being outside of a cell without Waller on your back.’
‘You don’t have to do that.’, he keeps frowning.
‘Yeah, well’, Felicity puffs, ‘you didn’t have to stop me from having a panic attack. Get over it and get inside.’
She turns around without saying anything more, but five minutes later, Deadshot is in her kitchen, looking over takeout menus.
The first thing she does is wash Oliver’s hood. She doesn’t know why, but Felicity doesn’t think she will be able to relax if the hood isn’t blood free.
She listens to Digg, takes a shower and changes into comfortable clothes. She eats a slice of pizza and takes a Xanax. She doesn’t stop crying.
Felicity gets into bed and cries herself to sleep, faster than she had expected.
When she wakes up, it’s 9am. Roy is curled into a ball next to her, and she makes sure to not wake him up as she gets out of bed. Digg and Lawton are both asleep in her living room, so Felicity goes straight to the kitchen and starts working on breakfast.
Digg wakes up first, and doesn’t say anything as he kisses her cheek and grabs a cup of coffee. Deadshot stumbles in soon after, trying to say goodbye. Felicity ignores him, asking him how he takes his coffee and telling him to wake Roy up.
A minute later, there’s a thud coming from the bedroom and Roy’s screaming. Felicity panics for half a second, until she hears Deadshot laughing.
She shares a look with John.
‘Why did you call him?’, she can’t help but ask.
‘I didn’t, he called me.’, John says. ‘I trust him’, he shrugs, ‘surprisingly enough. I wasn’t sure he was going to handle you well, but I was sure he was going to get you there.’
‘He uh’, Felicity swallows around the lump in her throat, ‘I screamed a lot, when he first told me. He just… held me through it. And carried me to the car. And stopped me from having a panic attack at the hospital.’
Digg sighs. ‘I really hope Waller doesn’t kill him before she lets him go.’
‘Likewise’, Lawton says, coming into the kitchen dragging a very sleepy Roy behind. Deadshot smiles at Felicity, and she can’t help but smile back, handing him a cup of coffee.
‘Eat up, boys’, she says as cheerfully as she can. ‘I’m known for not succumbing to gender stereotypes, so I won’t be cooking for you anytime soon.’
‘Too big words’, Roy groans, absently patting at her face. Deadshot snorts.
After breakfast, Felicity wants to go to the hospital, but John doesn’t let her. He leaves her home with Roy and Lawton, as he goes to Lyla for a while, saying he’ll stop by Roy’s place to get him a change of clothes.
Felicity spends the rest of the day on her couch, between Roy and Deadshot. It doesn’t feel at weird as she would’ve thought, snuggling to Roy and having Lawton absently playing with the ends on her hair, on the back of the couch, while they marathon Orphan Black.
She doesn’t spill one tear.
When Digg comes back to pick them up, Felicity goes through the motions of getting dressed, but not bothering much with it. She puts on a pair of jeans and a loose jumper, lets her hair down and doesn’t even think about putting on makeup.
She hugs Deadshot before he leaves, much to his surprise. He hugs her back, though, gingerly.
‘Thank you’, she says sincerely. ‘For everything.’
He smiles at her. ‘Thanks for making me feel human again.’
And that breaks her heart, and she wants to say something more, but he doesn’t let her, shaking his head and getting into the car.
She’s more aware now, as they drive to the hospital, but she still doesn’t realize when she starts crying. She just sees Roy handing her a tissue.
--+--+--+--
The first thing Oliver sees when he wakes up is something gold. He blinks a couple of times, and his eyes focus on Felicity. Her hair is down, and she’s crying but it’s still one of the most beautiful things he’s ever seen.
‘Am I dead?’, he breaths out, throat very dry.
Felicity huffs, and it’s wet because of her tears, and her head collapses next to him. He realizes that she’s holding onto his hand, and he squeezes back as hard as he can.
‘Don’t joke’, she whispers, kissing his knuckles. ‘Please don’t joke. And please shoot Waller with an arrow next time you get a chance to.’
‘What?’
‘She’s stupid’, she kisses his knuckles again.
‘Am I drugged?’, Oliver asks, somewhat absently, because nothing makes sense.
Felicity laughs and kisses his knuckles again.