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It was late at night, definitely past her usual bedtime, yet Maya couldn't sleep, not after Claudine and Junna had told everyone that they were dating earlier in the evening. The news has caught her by surprise, and while she should have been happy for them, instead, she hadn't uttered a word to either of them since the incident. Her mind was in turmoil, which was not something that had happened often, so it was incredibly difficult for her to decipher the whirlpool of emotions that were swirling in her mind.
The first emotion she identified was jealousy since it was an emotion that she knew well. It often reared its head when she had missed the lead roles, like the time Hikari had taken Claire away from her. Yet, why did she have such a feeling now? She couldn't have been jealous of Claudine. It was quite the opposite, really, as she had always admired her. From the first time she had seen her upon the Arrie stage, through the school admission exam and both years' Starlight, and up until then. She had always admired her determination to become Top Star and her ferocity as she rushed forward to reach her goal, and she still felt the same when she saw how kind and gentle she was with other people or even when she had snapped back at her 'infuriating' remarks. Maya couldn't even think of anytime she had felt a negative emotion towards Claudine, and so she concluded that the jealousy couldn't be towards her. Then, its target must have been Junna, yet she didn't know why…
A low, deep voice whispered in her ears, telling her that she knew exactly why. It was illogical, irrational, unsound. She chose to pretend that it didn't exist.
The second emotion she felt was dread; again, another emotion she didn't feel often at all. The only other time she had felt it was when Karen had managed to cut the golden thread holding her red cloak together during their paired battle. Maya had felt dread then because she had failed . Failed to cut the cloak of her opponents, failed to become the Top Star, failed to meet everyone's expectations.
She had failed Claudine.
But her sweet Claudine had assured her that she hadn't failed, that she hadn't lost. Of course the dread had disappeared then, since if her most precious partner had said so, then who was she to think otherwise?
Yet, the dread had returned, and she didn’t know what to make of it, but the thought of Claudine…
No, it was late and she really needed to sleep lest she exhausted herself even before the day began. Perhaps a glass of water would help calm her mind.
Maya quickly slipped out of her bed, making her way out of her room and down the hallway. Although it was completely dark due to the lack of windows along the way, she had walked down the path often enough to be certain that no ghosts reside in the hallway, so she just calmly headed to the kitchen.
But when Maya neared her destination, she saw that the light was turned on. Perhaps another classmate was trying to find a midnight snack, or the sleep had evaded them as well.
However, her brows furrowed in concern when she heard a quiet sob from within. She hesitated, since if one had chosen to come to the kitchen to cry, then they must have wanted some privacy. Yet, she did care deeply for her friends, and if they had been one of them, then she wanted to help comfort them as well.
She decided that there wouldn’t be any harm in identifying the occupant first, so she quietly peeked into the room. Although the person inside was sitting on the floor, hugging her knees with her head down, the golden hair, which had been let down, were easily recognizable, and so she let herself in.
“Daiba-san?”
The curled form immediately tensed up at her voice, and Maya stilled, concerned for a moment that she had made the tall girl uncomfortable by invading her sanctuary. However, in the next moment, Nana peered up from her knees, looking at her with teary eyes behind messy golden hair.
“M- Maya-chan? Sorry, do you need water? I- I will go-”
“Daiba-san, if there is any concern that is plaguing your mind, I would like you to know that I won’t mind lending an ear.”
Maya spoke with a gentle voice unlike the presence she usually radiated during the day. However, she could still see the darkness looming over her eyes and the hesitance in her form.
“Or if you would like, I can be your silent company.”
She could see those green orbs look down a bit, considering her offer, before she looked up with a ghost of a smile.
“I think I would like that, Maya-chan.”
Hearing the affirmation, Maya moved closer to Nana before gesturing to the space beside her, silently asking for consent. When the teary girl nodded back, she smoothly dropped herself to the floor, legs tugged to her side.
Maya relaxed against the cupboard behind her. Though she had many questions for Nana, she understood that if Nana wanted to share her story, then she would do so when she was ready. So she decided to extend her right hand to the side, hesitating for a moment before she lowered her palm down on her back, offering her a small gesture of comfort. It seemed to work as Nana leaned slightly against her, allowing Maya to circle her hand around her shoulder in a loose hug.
They sat in silence for a long moment, listening to the ringing sounds of numerous bugs in the garden. It was oddly peaceful, and she noted in her mind that maybe she should take some time to appreciate the silence on other days as well.
Finally, she felt Nana loosening the hold on herself, sitting up slightly though her eyes were still casted down.
“You know, I did notice the signs.”
Maya turned her head towards her slightly, but she stayed silent, patiently waiting for her to continue.
“It was slow, really. She spent a bit less time with me each day, and I caught her lost in her thoughts a bit more often. But I just… I didn’t think any of it, until it became more obvious and I decided to pretend not to see it instead.”
At her words, she thought of Claudine. Had they been drifting apart? Had her partner’s mind been occupied by someone else all this time? She had noticed that Claudine had become distracted lately, and their practices had been slightly shorter than before. Yet, Maya admitted that she hadn’t considered these little signs before. She had trusted Claudine, and trusted that if there were anything that had been troubling her, she would tell her on her own. Claudine was her partner afterall. Yet…
Her heart ached.
“I- I love her, Maya-chan. I want to hug her and cheer her on, and I want to see the moment she becomes the star she has always longed for. I want to see her standing on the big stage, playing the lead role that she deserves. I love her so much, and I cannot imagine living without her by my side. But I-”
At that point, her voice broke into sobs again, fresh drops of tears flowing down her reddened cheeks. She cried out louder this time, and Maya could only pull her slightly closer, her thumb gently stroking the trembling shoulder. She could feel the dull pressure behind her eyes as the other person’s emotion seemed to envelop her. Yet, she kept up with her small gesture, until she could finally hear Nana’s cry slow down to a stop, leaving behind only sniffling here and there.
Maya thought that this would be perhaps the chance for her to give her some words of comfort. Yet, she was unable to give any, a lump stuck in her throat.
Ah, her mind had become a whirlpool again. Nana’s confession had opened the box that she had locked earlier, and now emotions had flooded her mind again.
Nana must have noticed her distraction as she leaned closer, nudging her shoulder to bring her back to the present. When Maya looked at her, she could see the curiosity in her expression, yet it held understanding as well.
They looked at each other for a moment before Maya looked away, which was unusual for the usually confident Top Star, but Nana didn’t pry, opting to turn away as well.
Finally, Nana began to speak, her voice wavering slightly yet gentle all the same.
“Maya-chan, would you like to watch me bake some cookies tomorrow?”
Maya quickly turned her head in surprise, looking at the person beside her again. Yet, Nana kept her gaze forward.
“And if you want, I will practice the new dance routine with you too. Or read through the new script with you… I just…”
And Maya finally understood. She finally understood what she was feeling and why, and the realization almost brought her to tears. Still, Nana’s words brought her comfort, and she thought that perhaps… perhaps, she didn’t have to deal with this on her own.
“I think I would like that, Nana.”