Work Text:
San arrives at work on the Monday morning before his twenty-first birthday to find a large cup of coffee sitting on his desk amidst the messy piles of unfinished paperwork. He twists the cup and attempts to decipher the writing scrawled across the lid in blue marker. The writing looks something like ‘san’ and ‘cap +1s’ if he squints at it hard enough, so he decides that it must be his usual cappuccino with one sugar.
He takes a small sip, careful to not burn his tongue. The coffee is no longer piping hot, but it is still at a nice temperature. He raises the cup to take another gulp, thoroughly enjoying the way the coffee warms his chest and stomach. Before San knows it, the coffee cup is empty. He stares at it sadly, wondering if he will be able to drag Wooyoung out of his office upstairs sometime before lunch to grab a second cup of coffee.
The bright side to having his best friend work in the same office building as him is that they get to spend some time together during their breaks. The downside to this is that Wooyoung’s team leader rarely lets him have a coffee break at the same time that San usually has his, so it makes coordinating coffee runs annoyingly difficult.
Monday mornings are boring and awful. The only reason why San climbs out of bed and arrives at work early every day is because Seonghwa wakes him up and gives him a lift on his way to class. Being the early bird he is, Seonghwa always drops San off exactly fifteen minutes before work officially starts. San starts up his computer to check the time.
If he times his nap carefully, San will have twenty minutes to snooze and five minutes to check his work emails before his team leader comes by to herd them into the meeting room for their weekly team meeting.
He doesn’t think much of the coffee on his desk until Yunho approaches him on their way to Meeting Room Two at the end of the hallway. Yunho’s desk is located on the other end of the office so they don’t get to talk much during work hours—not like the way San speaks to Yeosang and Mingi who are seated on either side of San’s desk. Yunho often sits with him during lunch break and San appreciates how Yunho never fails to laugh at San’s jokes and pranks.
“Hey, I’m going for a coffee run after the meeting. Need me to get something for you?” Yunho asks, looking much too cheerful for this time of the day.
San pauses in his step abruptly. “Huh? Didn’t you go for a coffee run already?”
“Huh?” Yunho echoes back.
Yeosang, who had been trailing after San, rams his forehead against the back of San’s head. “Shit,” he curses. “Why did you stop suddenly?”
San mutters an apology and steps aside to allow Yeosang to pass first. Yeosang takes up this offer, scowling hard as he shuffles past San and Yunho with a hand pressed against his forehead.
“I haven’t gone for a coffee run yet,” Yunho explains, “I was running late this morning.”
“Oh,” San replies, unsure what to say.
Like Seonghwa, Yunho’s definition of ‘running late’ is equivalent to San’s ‘arriving just on time.’ It’s puzzling because San had been so sure that Yunho was the one who got him coffee. There are only two other co-workers who arrive at the office early enough to do coffee runs for people on this floor: Hongjoong and Jongho. San arrives at the office early too, though his brain never functions well enough during the early hours of the workday, so he very rarely volunteers himself to buy coffee from the cafe downstairs for everyone else. His ability to recall everyone’s coffee orders is not good like Yunho’s, even when he’s wide awake.
As San and Yunho resume walking towards the meeting room, San pipes up, “Well, it was probably Hongjoong who got the coffee then. It can’t be Jongho because he always forgets my order.”
“Hey!” Jongho exclaims, emerging from the doorway to their left. “I do not forget your coffee order.”
Yunho does a double-take and reels back with a loud yelp at Jongho’s sudden appearance. Laughing endearingly, Jongho leans forward and loops an arm around Yunho’s neck.
“Yes you do,” San replies with a frown. “You always forget to tell them that I want one sugar in my coffee.”
Jongho rolls his eyes. “I don’t forget. I intentionally tell them to not add sugar so you will get used to drinking coffee without it.”
San doesn’t get the chance to reply to this snarky comment because their team leader ducks her head out of the meeting room and barks at them for taking their sweet time. The caffeine seems to kick in enough for San to attend to most of the meeting, a blessing because today’s meeting runs fifteen minutes overtime.
At the end of the meeting, he overhears Yunho confirming coffee orders just outside the meeting room. To his surprise, Hongjoong joins the conversation.
“Can you get me an iced americano?” Hongjoong shouts, catching Yunho just before the elevator doors shut.
“Feeling like something cold after your first coffee?” San asks casually as they stroll back to their desks, side by side.
“Actually, I haven’t had my first coffee yet.” Then, Hongjoong lowers his voice and says, “Can’t believe I made it through that meeting without coffee.”
They part ways by the elevator and San watches in horror as Hongjoong—who doesn’t seem to notice San freaking out internally—returns to his desk in the distance. San darts to the nearest bin and after checking that no one is watching, he fishes out his empty coffee cup. He removes the lid and examines the surface of the cup carefully. At the bottom of his cup, he discovers the words, ‘from your secret admirer.’ It’s written in the same blue marker as his coffee order.
Stomach churning, San drops the cup back into the bin and heads to the sink in the break room to wash his hands. Whoever this secret admirer is, San hopes that they didn’t poison his coffee.
***
The mysterious coffee on his desk remains at the forefront of San’s mind throughout work on Monday, though the thoughts become stashed away all too quickly when Seonghwa picks him up from work. In fact, he forgets about the whole coffee incident until he arrives at work on Tuesday morning when he finds another cup of coffee on his desk.
“Holy shit,” San whimpers, swivelling around hastily to see who else had arrived at work early today.
There’s no one in sight and—okay, San is really feeling spooked out by this mysterious coffee business. He holds the cup gingerly and all but sprints towards the break room, hoping to pour the coffee out before anyone sees him. He’s particularly antsy about Yeosang finding out about this. As a self-acclaimed lover of free food, Yeosang would make San drink the coffee and tell him to be grateful that coffee is appearing on his desk for free.
San loves free food too, but he’s just not comfortable accepting food or drink from unknown sources. What San doesn’t expect is that someone is, in fact, already at the office. The high-pitched scream that escapes San when he runs into Jongho in the break room is something that he wishes to take to his grave with him. The coffee sloshes in the cup and a small amount spills onto the carpet beneath his feet.
Equally startled, Jongho takes a few steps back and raises both of his hands in the air. “Woah, are you alright?”
“Yes. I’m fine,” San replies.
His heart pounds hard, threatening to break out of his chest. He’s not fine at all, but Jongho doesn’t need to know that. Or why he’s not fine. San musters the remaining amount of energy left in him to prevent his hand from shaking violently as he sets the coffee cup down on the table in the break room.
Jongho appears unconvinced, though he doesn’t press any further. He apologises for startling San and helps him to soak up the spilt coffee by pressing a wad of tissues to the wet spot in the carpet. Thankfully, the carpet is dark in colour so no visible stain remains. Jongho gestures to the table, inviting San to sit down.
“Did I get your coffee right?” Jongho asks when San slumps into the seat to his right.
Raising an eyebrow, San replies, “Oh, it’s from you?”
Well that’s a relief. At least he can trust Jongho to not spike his coffee. Jongho watches him expectantly as he takes a careful first sip.
“It’s great,” San comments, “really great. You remembered the—”
“Sugar today, yeah I know,” Jongho grins. After a brief moment of silence, he scratches his head sheepishly and says, “I felt kind of bad after our conversation yesterday because I realised it was probably not nice of me to force my own coffee preference on you.”
San’s stomach twists at the thought of him talking behind Jongho’s back yesterday and Jongho overhearing. Despite being the youngest person on their team, Jongho’s always so thoughtful and sweet; he acts with the best intentions and goes out of his way to help those around him.
San pats him on the back reassuringly. “Don’t worry about it. I’m thankful that you go out of your way to get my coffee for me every now and then.”
Yunho announces his arrival with a loud cheer not long after, posing dramatically in the doorway of the break room with his coffee raised high in the air.
“Isn’t coffee great? We should have a coffee party in the break room every morning,” Yunho grins, drawing out the chair opposite to San’s.
Due to the large number of tasks on San’s to-do list, his morning whizzes by quicker than usual. Even Yeosang and Mingi have their heads down all morning, their keyboards clacking away as they work through their tasks quietly beside San. It sucks having to do so many things, but San feels better knowing that he’s not the only one who has to work hard on a Tuesday morning.
As lunch break approaches, San’s thoughts turn towards what to eat for lunch. He usually brings leftovers from home to eat, though today’s an exception. Seonghwa was craving pizza last night and they only ordered enough to fill their rumbling tummies for the evening.
Hoping to maximise his break time with his co-workers, San plans to duck downstairs to buy a sandwich from the cafe as soon as the clock hits twelve. Things don’t go quite to plan, however. At five to twelve, the receptionist from the front desk downstairs calls him.
“Your lunch delivery has arrived,” the receptionist says.
They hang up before San has the chance to reply and tell them that there must be a mistake because he didn’t order anything. Figuring that it’s easier to deal with this in person than over the receptionist’s phone, San heads downstairs with his wallet.
The delivery man stands in the middle of the lobby, scrolling on his phone.
“Hi,” San greets, approaching him slowly. “I’m San.”
“Oh, great. Here’s your order,” the delivery man hands him a stack of boxes in a bag.
San holds up his hands and refuses to take the bag. “I think you’ve made a mistake. I didn’t order anything.”
The delivery man frowns at this. “I’m just following the instructions and it led me to this building. Is this your name and contact number?” He shoves his phone at San, showing him the order displayed on the screen.
“Yes… but I didn’t order it.”
“It’s been paid for already, you don’t need to worry about it.”
“No, please, I think there must be some mistake,” San insists when the delivery man tries to shove the bag in his hand.
“Please just take it! I have to leave now, I have other orders to deliver.”
Pursing his lips, San reaches out a hand and loops his hand around the straps of the bag. “If you insist…”
The delivery man’s face softens at the bewildered look on San’s face. “If you really must know, it’s from your secret admirer,” he explains casually like he’s talking about the weather.
Then, the delivery man is out the front door of the building, leaving San dumbfounded and blushing furiously in the middle of the lobby. He should have known. He wonders how the delivery man knows that it’s from his secret admirer.
Perhaps his secret admirer had left a specific message behind when they placed the lunch order, like one of those online pizza orders people often leave silly comments such as, ‘Send your cutest delivery boy.’ Except instead of asking for a cute delivery boy, they explained that they were sending the order to someone anonymously.
“Wow, what did you get for lunch?”
Mingi’s voice draws San out of his thoughts. He turns slightly to find Mingi peering over his shoulder, staring right into the bag in his hands.
“Whatever that is, it smells good.” Yunho appears behind Mingi, also eager to know what San will be having for lunch.
San hands the bag over to Mingi for him to examine and launches into a long explanation about what had just happened. He’s unable to keep the panic out of his voice as he explains that the food had been sent to him and paid for by an anonymous person.
“I don’t know what to do… Is that safe to eat?” San gestures vaguely in the direction of the bag, which is now in Yunho’s hands.
“Relax,” Mingi says, placing both his hands on San’s shoulders. He gives him a reassuring squeeze. “Take a few deep breaths.”
Yunho only pipes up after San follows Mingi’s instructions to breathe in slowly.
“I think it looks safe to eat. It came directly from a delivery man, right?” Yunho hums thoughtfully. He pinches one corner of the bag to show the delivery company’s logo. “See, it’s a reputable company. We’ve all ordered from them before.”
Nodding, Mingi says, “I agree.”
“Really?” San squeaks, looking back and forth between Yunho and Mingi.
“It’s free food after all. I’m sure Yeosang would say the same,” Mingi adds with a shrug.
And that’s exactly what Yeosang says when San explains his dilemma in the break room. Wooyoung’s there too, listening intently as he stuffs his mouth with noodles.
“You’ve wasted half of the lunch break freaking out about this,” Yeosang frowns. “It’s free food, San. Just eat it. I’m sure whoever sent it would want you to enjoy it.”
“Yeosang,” San says, exasperated. “One of these days, someone is going to put something in your food and you’re going to be poisoned!”
Rather than agreeing with him, Yeosang throws his head back and cackles, nearly choking on his mouthful of rice. It takes a while for him to recover enough to say, “I think you watch too much television. I can’t even tell if it’s because you’ve watched one too many crime documentaries with Seonghwa or if it’s because you watch those cringey ancient dramas where people try to poison the emperor.”
The scowl on San’s face deepens. “That was one time!”
He’s telling the truth, really. Seonghwa was the one who wanted to watch the stupid drama together and San agreed to it—like every other time when Seonghwa asked San to do something with him.
San doesn’t even notice how Wooyoung has remained awfully quiet throughout this whole ordeal until he actually speaks up.
“San, you know what? Just eat it.” Wooyoung points his chopstick to the food. “Ever heard of random acts of kindness? I think someone just felt like being nice today and they decided to pay for your lunch.”
It’s not until Mingi and Yunho offer to eat some with him that San finally gives in and takes a bite of the food.
***
San has half a mind to discuss this secret admirer situation with Seonghwa. In the end, he decides to hold off until the end of the week. It’s not because Seonghwa will get jealous; they’ve been dating long enough for San to not worry about that. Rather, he wants to figure this out himself. He wants to be the one who confronts the secret admirer and to personally be the one to break the bad news to them. They’ll probably be disappointed when they discover that San is not single, but there’s not much he can do about it.
When he arrives at work on Wednesday morning, Yeosang is seated at his desk already. It’s unusual because Yeosang prefers to arrive on the dot—he insists that he doesn’t wish to be at work longer than necessary, not even one extra minute.
To San’s relief, there’s no coffee on his desk today. As much as he needs coffee to power him through the first few hours of the workday, he doesn’t want to deal with the internal debate of ‘Will I be poisoned today?’
He clears his desk, swiftly sweeping the papers aside to make space for his usual morning nap. He folds his arms in front of him and buries his face into the crook of his elbow. It’s much too early for anyone to be functioning properly.
Yeosang seems to think otherwise. The telltale squeak of Yeosang’s swivel chair rings in San’s ear before he hears Yeosang’s smug voice.
“Are you going to open that?” Yeosang asks, sounding way too alive for a Wednesday morning.
Yeosang’s desk is pretty much glued to the right of San’s desk. The smidge of privacy that San gets at work is all thanks to the grey desk dividers erected at the edges of his desk, blocking him from seeing everything his co-workers sitting adjacent to him—namely Mingi and Yeosang—are doing throughout the long workday.
“Open what?” San grunts back without opening his eyes.
Yeosang’s not the nosiest person San knows, but he’s nosy enough.
“That,” Yeosang continues, as if changing the tone of voice for the last word in his question will magically clarify everything.
San whips his head up to snap at Yeosang. “What?”
Then, he spots it. Sitting on top of his pile of paperwork is a small box. But it’s too early and he hasn’t had coffee yet, so he doesn’t think much of it. Deciding that he will deal with it later, San plops his head back down and resumes his nap.
He hears the chair squeak as Yeosang retreats, muttering something under his breath that sounds an awful lot like, “Suit yourself.”
It isn’t until Mingi comes rushing into the office ten minutes after work officially starts that San is reminded yet again about the box. San ignores the ruckus Mingi creates as he settles at his desk to San’s left. The desk dividers are high enough to block San’s view, but they do next to nothing to block out sound from his neighbours.
“Hey, what’s that?” Mingi looms over San’s shoulder and jabs a finger at the box.
San continues to flick through his work emails at record speed, hastily typing out brief replies to his co-workers from other departments with as little typos as possible. He finally lets out a non-committal grunt when Mingi jabs his finger at his shoulder in an attempt to catch his attention.
Their team leader saunters out of her personal office at that moment, clapping her hands obnoxiously to catch their attention, “Meeting time! See you all in meeting room two.”
Plucking his work diary off his desk and fishing a ballpen out from under the stack of paperwork, San clambers to his feet. Mingi rushes forward to block San’s path. Even with Mingi in the way, San can still hear the familiar sound of his co-workers filing into the meeting room in the distance.
“Can I open it?” Mingi asks, his voice laced with curiosity.
San resists the urge to kick Mingi in the shins. “No,” he says. “Let’s go.” He loops an arm around Mingi’s and drags him in the direction of the meeting room.
The mysterious box remains at the fringe of San’s mind throughout the mid-week team meeting. He wonders who the secret admirer is and what is sitting inside the box. The meeting drones on and on, then finally, when it finally ends, San is one of the first to leave. He’s more than eager to open the box now, having spent the past half an hour thinking about it. Taking long strides, San zips right back to his desk.
As he slides into his seat, he picks up the box and notices that it is very light. He rotates the box slowly and examines the exterior. The lid is attached to the base like one of those boxes wedding rings come in. With much care, he flips the box open, revealing a lovely pair of silver earrings.
San is no stranger to secret admirers. Not that he has had many. He has experienced the heart-fluttering delight of finding small gifts left on his desk while he is away and anonymous notes stashed between the pages of his books. While San is no longer a high school student with his braces and oversized school uniform—which he never seemed to grow into like his mother had hoped—receiving a gift from a secret admirer still catches him off guard.
The element of surprise that accompanies these anonymous ‘random acts of kindness,’ as Wooyoung kindly worded it over lunch yesterday, doesn’t seem to go away with age. He will never admit this aloud, of course, because Wooyoung will tease him till he shrivels up like a sad raisin. In this case, it might be more appropriate to think that Yeosang will be the one doing the teasing because San can hear him settling back into his squeaky chair.
San can’t help but let out a small gasp as he removes the earrings from the box to examine them. The earrings look like studs at first glance. Upon closer inspection, San notices that there are three chains dangling beneath each of the studs. The chains swing gently as San holds the earrings further away from him. He hasn’t tried them on yet, but he already knows that they will look lovely on him.
Glancing back to the box, he finds a small slip of paper. San plucks the paper out, rotating it so that he can read what is written on it. The words ‘To San’ are printed neatly at the top; he doesn’t recognise the handwriting. He unfolds it to read the message inside—
“It’s ‘from your secret admirer,’” Yeosang comments as he rolls his chair back to peep past the desk divider. He raises a steaming mug of tea to his lips and takes a long drink from it.
Bewildered, San shoves the paper back in the box and shuts it with a snap. He doesn’t even need to ask how Yeosang knows what is written on the note.
“Can you stop looking at my stuff?” San demands with a scowl.
Yeosang sips at his tea then shrugs. “It was just there. Sitting on your desk for the whole world to see. I couldn’t resist.”
San narrows his eyes at Yeosang, but Yeosang doesn’t budge. He merely shrugs like poking through other people’s things is socially acceptable behaviour. Deciding that he is fighting a lost battle, San lets this slip with a loud sigh. To ensure that he is out of Yeosang’s view, San scoots his chair forward until the edge of his desk is pressed uncomfortably against his stomach.
As nosy as Yeosang is, they are still on friendly terms—San isn’t sure he can call Yeosang a ‘friend’ because they don’t really hang out outside of work as often as he does with Wooyoung—and San would very much prefer to not make enemies at work.
He slips the earrings back inside the box, rearranging them until they look similar to the way he had found them. He keeps the box stashed away in his top drawer—the one fitted with a lock—hoping to forget about it until the end of the workday.
Locking it away does little to stop the copious amount of thoughts that circle his mind about the gift and his secret admirer. He’s been searching for a pair of earrings that look similar to the one sitting in the box, so the person who gifted it to him must be someone San speaks with regularly. How else would they have known that the earrings are at the top of San’s wishlist?
A part of him wishes that his secret admirer is someone that he isn’t particularly close with, someone who had to resort to asking San’s close friends for gift ideas. Because if this secret admirer is truly close to San, they will know that San has a boyfriend and that he has no interest in dating anyone but Seonghwa.
Seonghwa volunteered to stay back at his university to finish up analysing some data with his research team, so Wooyoung offers to give San a lift home after work. Wooyoung stops by San’s floor to chat with his co-workers before they all head down to the staff car park together.
In his haste to leave the office, San forgets to grab the earrings from his locked drawer. A few other employees on his floor, like Hongjoong, Yeosang and Mingi, file into the elevator after Wooyoung and San. They all listen attentively to Wooyoung as the elevator descends.
San zones out and fiddles with the key to his drawer, tucked safely in his pocket. He wonders if it is safe to leave the earrings in the office overnight. Wooyoung pauses mid-way through his story about a jammed printer he had to deal with after lunch. Even though San is not paying attention to Wooyoung, the abrupt silence draws him out of his thoughts.
“Hey, are you alright? You seem a bit…” Wooyoung pauses, searching for the right word to say. “You seem a bit occupied today.” There’s a slight frown on his face.
“Huh?” San blinks. “Oh yeah, I’m alright. Just tired. Wednesdays are long and boring, you know, middle of the week…”
Distracted by the elevator doors sliding open, San nearly misses the way Yeosang and Mingi exchange looks before sniggering into their hands. San huffs, certain that they were talking about his secret admirer. When they exit the elevator, he swings his leg and delivers two sharp kicks, one to each of their rear ends. He revels in the way they yelp pitifully.
San hopes that Yeosang and Mingi keep quiet about his secret admirer because he wants to figure it out by himself. He stands by his decision. It takes a lot of courage to do something like this and San wants to figure out who it is and thank them personally, even if he has to be the one who delivers the news about how he is not single.
***
San catches himself anticipating the arrival of Thursday morning.
The anticipation divides his mind into two, immersing him in a conflicting debate all throughout Wednesday evening. There’s a part of him that wishes to allow himself to soak in his feelings, while the other part thinks that he shouldn’t feel this way at all. It’s not right to anticipate—it feels wrong to look forward to what his secret admirer has in store for him.
It’s crazy to think about how this secret admirer has filled up every nook and cranny of his mind, even though it has only been three days since they appeared in San’s life. The secret admirer has worked their way into San’s work routine and yet, he is nowhere near figuring out who it is.
And of course, Seonghwa notices that something is bugging San. Seonghwa is caring like that. He’s sensitive towards the mood of the people around him and is always the first to approach San to offer help.
“Is everything going alright at work? You seem a little spaced out over the last few days,” Seonghwa asks when they’re waiting at a traffic light on Thursday morning. He takes his eyes off the road for a brief moment to scan San’s face.
“Work’s fine, just a bit busy right now,” San replies.
He doesn’t even realise that he’s bouncing his leg up and down until Seonghwa reaches a hand over to squeeze his thigh.
“Mmm,” Seonghwa hums, like he wants to remind San that he is still listening even though his eyes are back on the road. The light turns green and Seonghwa withdraws his hand from San’s thigh to rest it on the steering wheel again.
San pauses, wondering how to convey his thoughts about the secret admirer without being dishonest with Seonghwa. There’s nothing to hide—he’s just not ready to talk about it yet. “I… do have something on my mind, but I want to think things through before chatting about it. Is that alright?”
“Of course it’s alright. I just wanted to check up on you because I can tell that you’ve been thinking really hard about something,” Seonghwa explains in a steady voice. He pauses to concentrate on the busy traffic in the intersection before turning the car down the street to San’s right. “Well, I’m here if you want to talk about it. Maybe to help you sort out your thoughts. Two brains are better than one, right?”
“Right,” San nods slowly. He recognises the street signs and realises that they’re already one street away from his office.
San finds it difficult to open up about the thoughts that are troubling his mind and more often than not, he ends up declining the help of others to try to resolve his issues alone. He recognises that he’s a little on the stubborn side, but he can’t help it. He’s always solved his problems this way and it isn’t until he started dating Seonghwa that he slowly understood that sometimes, it’s okay to ask for help.
Today’s not one of those days. Maybe tomorrow, San decides. Tomorrow, he will tell Seonghwa about the secret admirer.
San waits until Seonghwa parks the car on the side of the road near his office before puckering his lips, tilting his chin in Seonghwa’s direction. Seonghwa obliges, giving him a goodbye kiss.
“Bye, have a great day,” Seonghwa says as he pulls away, a gentle smile on his face.
“More,” San demands, drawing Seonghwa closer.
Insisting that kisses work better than coffee at waking him up, San steals a few more from Seonghwa than usual. Seonghwa doesn’t seem to mind though. He kisses San back eagerly, pressing his lips firmly against San’s.
San doesn’t know how long they kiss for. All he knows is that he hasn’t had enough when they’re interrupted by a loud knock on the car window. Springing apart, they whip their heads in the general direction of the window on San’s side. San scowls when he finds Mingi grinning down at him, his eyes glinting with mischief.
“Hi Seonghwa,” Mingi shouts, projecting his voice so that Seonghwa can hear him through the glass.
Seonghwa rolls down the window and calls back, “Hi Mingi!” at the same time San grunts, “Fuck you.”
Seonghwa makes a noise of disapproval at the back of his throat and gives San’s cheek a sharp pinch as he berates him under his breath, “Play nice!”
Mingi cackles obnoxiously at this and San pokes his tongue out at him. With a casual wave of goodbye over his shoulder, Mingi strolls away from the car, taking his sweet time to enter the office building.
“I better get going then,” San sighs, unbuckling his seat belt.
“Don’t work your brain too hard!” Seonghwa reminds him as he leaves a peck on San’s cheek.
As the elevator ascends to the eighth floor, San checks his watch and notes that he has five minutes until work officially starts. He realises belatedly that Mingi is unusually early at work when he arrives at his desk to find that Mingi has his computer started up and ready to go for the workday ahead of them.
San proceeds with his own morning work routine with caution, eyes flitting to his left to check on Mingi every now and then. He almost expects meteors to fall from the sky and end the world within the next half hour because something odd is going on. Song Mingi is early—perhaps for the first time in his life—and that doesn’t sit right with San.
“How come you’re early today?” San asks eventually, trying his best to keep his voice casual.
Mingi spins in his chair beside him. “Dunno. I thought I slept past my alarm and rushed to work, only to realise that I’d read the time on the clock wrong.”
“Oh, weird. I’ve never had that before,” San frowns, raising his own phone to check the time. The clock on his phone displays the time clearly in hours and minutes and San can’t figure out how Mingi could possibly have read the time wrong. Maybe it’s a Mingi thing.
“Yeah, my mum is still into analogue clocks,” Mingi continues. “She has a bunch around the house and they’re a nightmare to read sometimes.”
Yeosang’s chair squeaks loudly as he scoots back. “Digital clocks are really dumbing our brains down, huh?” he pipes up. “I wonder if kids still learn to read analogue clocks at school these days.”
Hongjoong, who had been passing by their desks on his way back from the toilet, joins in the conversation as well, sharing about how his seven-year-old niece can read an analogue clock. And just like this, San finds himself stuck in the middle of a long, ten-minute conversation about clocks and the damn time.
It isn’t until their team leader shouts at them—luckily, in a light-hearted tone of voice—to get some work done that the conversation ends. San’s never been more eager to start work.
He gets about twenty minutes of quietness before Mingi begins to yap his ear off again.
“Are you excited for tomorrow?” Mingi asks, tapping San on his shoulder sharply.
“Huh?” San swivels his chair and turns his body towards Mingi, his eyes remaining glued to his computer screen. “What’s happening tomorrow?”
“It’s your birthday tomorrow!” Mingi exclaims and San whips his head up to find a look of childlike wonder adorning Mingi’s face. “Do you have any plans?”
He’s been so preoccupied with his secret admirer at work that he nearly forgot that it’s his birthday tomorrow, which is rather unusual because San’s usually the one who drops regular hints during the days leading up to his birthday so that everyone remembers his special day is coming up. He’s mildly flattered that Mingi remembered without daily reminders.
“Oh yeah, I am. Seonghwa and I are going out to dinner after work. Then on Saturday, we’re planning to drive down to my parents’ house to celebrate with them as well.”
Mingi looks from left to right, then lowers his voice. “If I were you, I’d use one of my sick days because there’s no way they can make me work on my birthday.”
San grins at Mingi’s suggestion. “I like the way you think. Seonghwa would never let me though,” he says, tapping his chin as he imagines the look of disapproval on Seonghwa’s face if San really planned to skip work to celebrate his birthday. “Besides, he’s got class from morning till afternoon on Fridays, so I may as well come to work and get something done.”
Mingi wrinkles his nose at this. “Boring.”
Despite having an odd start to his day at work, San is relieved to find that everything remains normal, even at lunch. He feels a confusing mix of happiness and disappointment when he realises that he hasn’t had to deal with anonymous gifts or food deliveries so far today. Happy because that’s one less thing to worry about, but disappointed because he had been looking forward to receiving another gift. It’s complicated, really.
San has no idea how it is possible for someone to experience two different feelings that conflict with each other, but hey, he learns something new every day.
The illusion of things going back to normal at work is shattered after lunch when he returns to his desk to find a large package on his desk with ‘SAN’ printed across the brown wrapping paper. The package feels soft in his hands as he examines it. He tears the wrapping open swiftly, hoping to get the anonymous gift off his desk before Yeosang and Mingi return to their respective desks.
San is pleased to find a shirt and a hoodie inside, both printed with the name and number of his favourite soccer player. He unfolds the hoodie and raises it in front of himself to get a good look.
Someone whistles in the distance and San slams the hoodie down on the desk, hiding it from plain sight. He finds Yunho grinning in his direction.
“Very nice, I approve,” Yunho says, sounding rather impressed as he flashes San a thumbs up. They support the same soccer team after all.
San expects Yunho to ask him where he got the hoodie from, but the question never comes. The sound of chairs being tucked against tables resound in the break room and San tugs his bottom drawer open and stuffs the hoodie and shirt inside. As he scrunches up the brown wrapping paper, he discovers a folded slip of paper. He skims through the note.
Things I love about Choi San:
- His voice
- His personality
- How he can talk about his favourite things for hours and hours
- His smile (and his dimples)
Love, your secret admirer
Even though the content of the note is so sappy, almost cringe-worthy, San still blushes furiously as he rereads it. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t seem to stamp out the fluttering feeling in his stomach. As he squints at the note for the third time, he realises that the three blobs after the words ‘his dimples’ were supposed to be love hearts.
“Hey,” Yeosang greets him, humming softly under his breath as he returns to his desk.
San shoves the slip of paper under his keyboard. “Um, hi.”
“Everything alright?’
“Yes. Uh, I’m just—” San waves a handful of brown wrapping paper at Yeosang’s face. “Just gathering some recycling. Do you need me to take anything to the recycling bin for you?”
Yeosang flashes him a skeptical look. “I’m good thanks.”
San struggles to concentrate on the work tasks he had set aside for the afternoon. Some tasks are not urgent, he reasons with himself—he seems to be doing this internal debate thing a lot lately—so he can have an easy afternoon, provided that he gets the tasks done some other time. He works through his list of tasks, prioritising them and deciding when he can get them done instead.
With work out of the way, San turns to the pressing issue at hand. Who is the secret admirer? On a fresh sticky note, he scribbles down the initials of all the employees working on his floor. It takes a lot of problem-solving and coordinating, but eventually, San figures out a simple plan to extract samples of his co-workers’ handwriting so he can compare them to the note that came with the jumper.
He’s closest with Yeosang and Mingi on this floor, so he’s ninety percent certain that neither of them has anything to do with the secret admirer. He leaves them on the list anyway, just to be one hundred percent sure. Having worked on small projects with Yeosang before, it doesn’t take long for San to retrieve the old documents.
Yeosang’s handwriting is rather inconsistent. There are times when he prints clearly and neatly—those bits are easy to read—while other times his writing becomes more and more illegible. It’s as if his hand gives up mid-way and the remaining half of the sentence trails off like a fading thought. He strikes Yeosang’s name off the list with confidence.
He waits until Mingi leaves his desk to go on a toilet break before stealing his work diary for a quick look. After flicking through the first few pages, San concludes that it’s not Mingi either. Mingi’s handwriting is barely legible. It’s so different from the writing on the note that San doesn’t feel the need to do further detective work.
Slowly, San works his way through the office crossing off names by coming up with excuses, such as needing to see paperwork from previous projects. The list diminishes in size, leaving four names: his team leader, Hongjoong, Yunho, and Jongho. Afraid that his team leader will catch on that he has slacked off all afternoon, he pretty much crosses her name off, praying that she’s professional enough to not engage in activities like secretly giving gifts to the other employees at work.
He approaches Hongjoong under the pretence of wanting to cross-check their work diaries for meeting dates and times with other departments in the company, hoping that he can catch a glimpse of Hongjoong’s handwriting the way he did with Mingi’s. Thankfully, Hongjoong doesn’t ask any questions.
“Oh… you don’t use diaries?” San asks when Hongjoong opens his work calendar on his computer. San pretends to stare at the dates then scribbles down a few random words on a scrap piece of paper to keep up his act.
Hongjoong shakes his head. “I kept losing mine last year. I misplaced about four diaries? I’d find them in weird places after a few months, like under my couch or something. I figured it’d be easier if I just kept track of my meetings online this year.”
Deciding that he has had enough of detective work for the day, San gets straight to the point. “Listen, would I be able to see your handwriting? Maybe written meeting notes or something? I just wanted to check something.”
“Uh, sure.” Hongjoong pulls out a notebook from his drawer and passes it to San. “Are you trying to figure out who your secret admirer is?”
San sputters at Hongjoong’s question. His hand misses the notebook and it drops onto the carpeted floor with a thud. “Oh—” he begins, “um—”
He bends over to pick up the notebook, taking the brief moment to gather himself. Hongjoong’s good at detecting lies so there’s no point lying to him. Sighing, San asks, “How did you know?”
“Did I guess correctly?” Hongjoong chuckles, “I just took a wild stab in the dark. I didn’t really think that you were going to try to figure out who it is during work hours.”
Their eyes meet for a second or so before San averts his gaze, gulping hard.
Hongjong waves a hand airily. “Unless…”
“How did you find out about the secret admirer?” San pipes up hastily.
“I overheard Yeosang talking about it in the break room a few days ago. Actually, maybe it was yesterday,” Hongjoong says, stroking his chin. “Well, I don’t know if it helps you in any way, but the gifts you’ve been receiving aren’t from me. I’m not really the type to do something like that. It requires too much brainpower to plan secret gifts and stuff.”
San nibbles his bottom lip as he mulls over this. Hongjoong has raised a good point. San’s secret admirer clearly put careful thought into planning this anonymous gift-giving. They have impeccable timing too—all the gifts, from the coffee to the hoodie, had been planted on his desk while he was away. Not once did San catch sight of his secret admirer; he didn’t even catch a glimpse.
There has to be someone on his team who is capable of making meticulous plans. He just can’t think of who. He will need more time to think through his list of co-workers.
“Good luck.” Hongjoong pats San’s back with a look akin to pity on his face. “If you don’t mind, it is time to leave and I am keen to go home.” He closes his work calendar and shuts down his computer.
Caught up in his thoughts, San barely registers Hongjoong swinging his bag over his shoulders and striding off in the direction of the elevator. His brain is muddled and hazy after an afternoon of detective work. Yet another workday has come to an end and San still has no clue who is sending him these gifts.
***
San rises on his birthday to kisses being littered across his cheeks. Without opening his eyes, he burrows further into the blankets, his arms searching blindly for Seonghwa’s waist. Seonghwa is sitting up in bed with his back propped against the headboard. On days where Seonghwa wakes much earlier than he needs to, he stays in bed and reads until San wakes up. San appreciates this greatly because there’s nothing he hates more than waking up alone in an empty bed.
“Wake up, sleepyhead,” Seonghwa muses, running a hand through San’s hair.
San whines softly and nudges his head against Seonghwa’s hands, asking for more. Seonghwa scoots closer to cradle San’s head.
“Happy birthday,” Seonghwa whispers against the shell of San’s ear.
“Thank you,” San replies, beaming hard.
“Which one would you prefer: breakfast or cuddles?”
Finally cracking an eye open, San replies without a second thought. “Cuddles, of course.”
Choosing breakfast would lead to Seonghwa climbing out of bed and leaving San to doze by himself. They rarely cuddle in the morning on weekdays because Seonghwa insists that San will make them both late—it’s not San’s fault that Seonghwa has a nice body that he can hug and cling onto comfortably. San can go without breakfast on his birthday, but he can’t possibly head to work without cuddles.
San presses the side of his head against Seonghwa’s abdomen, revelling in the way Seonghwa strokes his head. At some point, Seonghwa scoots down the bed and lays down beside San again. Seonghwa indulges him and they cuddle in bed until it is absolutely necessary to leave their apartment.
“Make sure you have something to eat for breakfast,” Seonghwa reminds San when he drops him off at the usual spot outside his office.
San’s stomach agrees to Seonghwa’s words, rumbling loudly in protest as Seonghwa drives away. He stops by the cafe to buy a large, double chocolate muffin because he figures he deserves to treat himself on his birthday. He finishes the muffin by the time he enters the office lobby. Not longer after San steps out of the elevator on the eighth floor, Yunho comes barrelling down the hallway, knocking the wind out of him as he wraps his long arms around San in a tight hug.
“Happy birthday!” Yunho grins.
San pats him on the back and Yunho’s smile grows wider.
“Happy birthday,” Jongho echoes, sliding a party hat onto San’s head.
“Here, this is from all of us.” Yeosang hands San a giant card with an adorable kitten on the front with the words, ‘You’re one year older now!’ in a speech bubble.
San spends his morning basking in the attention, enjoying the matching polka dot party hats sitting on everyone’s heads. As he reads through all the nice messages that his co-workers had written for him in the card, he reflects on how blessed he is to be working with such a caring team. It’s nice to feel special every once in a while.
The note that came with the soccer hoodie slips out from under San’s keyboard when he logs onto his computer to reply to his emails. He groans loudly at the note, remembering the events of yesterday afternoon. If he had known that his co-workers had compiled birthday messages in a card for him, he wouldn’t have wasted his Thursday afternoon gathering samples of their handwriting. He unfolds the note and places it beside his birthday card, eyes scanning the messages to find a match.
But he never finds one. He glances back and forth between the note and the card until the letters begin to swim before his eyes. There must be some mistake. Eventually, San gives up and shoves the note into his desk drawer.
At half past ten, his birthday present from his secret admirer arrives in the form of a large bouquet of flowers. When the bouquet gets delivered right to San’s desk, he leans back in his seat and gawks at it. He had no idea that bouquets were available in a size like this.
“Damn,” Yeosang whistles as he examines the bouquet. “Hey, don’t poke them like that,” he scolds Mingi who had stuck a finger out to touch the flowers.
“I’m not poking, I’m just looking!” Mingi protests with a scowl.
“Well then look with your eyes, not with your hands.”
Jongho joins them too. He ignores Mingi and Yeosang’s loud bickering and shuffles to San’s side to admire the flowers. “That is one big bouquet of flowers,” Jongho comments, sounding rather impressed. “Your secret admirer must like you a lot.”
This sparks a discussion about San’s secret admirer and San is instantly reminded of the long clock discussion by his desk yesterday. Afraid that his secret admirer—whoever they are and wherever they sit in this office—will overhear them talking, San breaks up the conversation. He shoos Jongho away and forces Yeosang and Mingi back to their respective desks, insisting that he needs to get some work done before lunch.
Realising that there’s no way for him to complete his work with the flowers occupying most of his desk space, San scoops up the bouquet and relocates them to the spare table behind his desk that sits next to the printer. He tries his best to get some work done, but it’s hard to concentrate on the summary report he’s writing when his co-workers keep complimenting his flowers on their way to the printer to pick up their printed documents.
At lunch, he meets Wooyoung at the lobby. Not long after they leave the building, San launches into a long explanation about his current situation with the secret admirer, speaking rapidly as they walk towards the burger joint one street away from work.
Wooyoung pauses him at some point and says, “Hold on, let me just clarify some things. So you have a secret admirer who has been delivering gifts to you all week, including that free lunch on Tuesday.”
San nods.
“And you think it’s someone from your floor, but you don’t know who it is.”
San nods again.
“Yikes, that’s kind of tricky. Does Seonghwa know about this?”
“No,” San says with a shake of his head. “But I think I should tell him soon. Maybe tonight.”
Wooyoung leaves his side to pick up their burger order from the counter. As they head back to the office, Wooyoung asks around a mouthful of his burger, “How are you going to tell Seonghwa about this?”
“I’m just going to tell him as it is,” San shrugs, “that I have a secret admirer at work and I can’t figure out who it is. They’ve sent me a note with the list of things they love about me and even sent me a bouquet for my birthday.” When San notices the skeptical look on Wooyoung’s face, he adds, “It’s fine, Seonghwa is not going to be jealous.”
San has seen the way Seonghwa responds to people, like drunk strangers at the bar who try to flirt with San. On every single one of those occasions, Seonghwa had remained rational and calm, so San is confident that Seonghwa will respond in a similar manner.
“Alright, I guess you know him best.” Wooyoung bumps his shoulder against San’s and they exchange grins. “Now you just have to figure out who your secret admirer is.”
San groans, “Don’t remind me. You have no idea just how much time I’ve invested in trying to figure out who it is.”
Before they part ways, they make plans to meet for a late birthday celebration over dinner on Monday night, as San will be away all weekend with Seonghwa.
Now that San’s head is much clearer thanks to his lunchtime discussion with Wooyoung, the remaining half of the workday passes by quickly. The talk helped him to sift through his thoughts and San now feels more ready to talk to Seonghwa about this. Before he knows it, the work week has come to an end and he’s switching off his computer. Deciding that it is finally time for his gifts from his secret admirer to leave the office and go home with him, San stuff the small box with the earrings and the soccer shirt and hoodie into his bag. That way he can show them to Seonghwa too.
Seonghwa is already waiting for him in the car when he exits the building. As San pulls open the door to the passenger seat, he notices that Seonghwa had changed his clothes since he last saw him in the morning. He had swapped his university hoodie with a baby blue button-up.
San tries to not ogle at the way Seonghwa’s shirt clings to his body as Seonghwa turns his upper body slightly to greet him.
“Wow, that’s an impressive bouquet. Who gave it to you?”
San sends him a small smile, eyes still lingering on the top two buttons of Seonghwa’s shirt that are clinging on for dear life. “Someone from work. I’ll explain in a little while.” He plans to break the news to Seonghwa when they’re at the restaurant, preferring to chat face to face, rather than while Seonghwa is driving.
San gently sets down the bouquet in the back seat, laughing when Seonghwa makes a joke about strapping the flowers down safely with the seatbelt.
“Are we going straight to the restaurant?” San asks, watching as Seonghwa shifts the gear into drive.
“Yeah, I made a booking at six. It’ll take about thirty minutes to drive from here, so we’ll arrive about fifteen minutes before six.”
San listens intently to Seonghwa talk about his day and the progress his team is making with their research project, thoroughly enjoying the enthusiasm in Seonghwa’s voice. He loves the way Seonghwa talks about his interests and things that he is passionate about. San tries to focus all of his attention on Seonghwa, but he can’t seem to switch off the voice at the back of his head that keeps thinking of the approaching conversation about his secret admirer.
The traffic isn’t too bad so they arrive around the time that Seonghwa had predicted. They’re greeted by a waiter at the front desk who leads them to a table at the back of the restaurant with beautiful views of the city by the water. He marvels at the violet sky as the sun sets in the distance.
Taking a few deep breaths and ignoring his clammy palms, San decides that it is time to talk.
“I have something to tell you,” he blurts out as soon as the waiter leaves with their orders for the evening.
Seonghwa blinks a few times before he says, “I have something to tell you as well.”
“Oh, you go first then.”
“No, you can go first. You mentioned wanting to tell me something in the car? Whatever I have to say can wait a little longer.”
“So something happened on Monday at work—well, it’s ongoing, it’s been happening daily—and I’ve been thinking long and hard about it, but I’m quite stumped and I hate to admit this but I have no idea what to do,” San blabs, sounding less eloquent than he hoped. He had rehearsed this conversation in his head at work and it sounded coherent at the time.
Seonghwa nods and hums quietly, encouraging San to continue.
San wipes his sweaty palms down the front of his pants. He knows that he needs to get straight to the point. “I have a secret admirer at work,” he starts slowly, watching Seonghwa’s expression carefully. Seonghwa listens attentively, his face remaining neutral so San continues, moving on to explain the various gifts he received throughout the week and the detective work he had done.
“I just can’t figure out who it is at work,” San exclaims, finally finishing his long-winded story about his secret admirer.
“Mm,” Seonghwa hums, tilting his head to one side. “What if your secret admirer is not from your floor? What if they’re not even from your office building?”
“But the gifts were so well-timed. It’s like this person knows my work schedule back to front—they know when I arrive, when I’m away at my desk,” San reasons, having trouble believing that his secret admirer is someone from outside of work.
“What if they got inside help? I mean think about it, San, who do you spend time with outside of work?”
San’s frown deepens. What is Seonghwa talking about? The only person he spends time with after work is Seonghwa. “What do you mean? Are you suggesting that—”
The look on Seonghwa’s face explains it all. San sits back in his chair, gaping. He wonders why he didn’t connect the dots in the first place. Seonghwa and Wooyoung were the only ones he told about the earrings he wanted to get and his secret admirer can’t possibly be Wooyoung because he’s a terrible liar.
“Wait, you’re telling me that… you were my secret admirer? All this time?”
“Surprise?” Seonghwa grins at him.
San leans forward and holds his head with his hands. “Oh my god. I did all that detective work thinking I’d get somewhere.” He shakes his head in disbelief.
Reaching over the table, Seonghwa ruffles his hair. “Sorry,” he says, still grinning. “I hope you like the presents though?”
“I do. I like them a lot. Who helped you out?”
“I ordered the flowers and food myself and then got Yeosang to help me with the earrings… Mingi helped too, though he nearly forgot to give you the hoodie and shirt.”
San laughs weakly as he remembers how he was so scared of the food being poisoned. He flashes a smile at Seonghwa. “Thanks for the presents though, I really liked them.”
“You’re welcome,” Seonghwa says, reciprocating the smile. “I can’t wait for you to try the earrings on.”
“I can try them on now—I’ve got them with me.” San fishes the box out from his bag. “By the way, that note you wrote was very cheesy,” he says, pulling a face.
Seonghwa bursts into laughter and San questions whether he’s doing so because he’s amused or embarrassed. “I just wrote down the things that I liked about you!” From under the table, Seonghwa nudges his foot against San’s. “Yunho also helped me out—he was the one who got the coffee.”
“I knew it!” San hisses under his breath.
“Also, I didn’t get Wooyoung to help me out because I knew that—”
“That he’s bad at keeping secrets? Yeah, we all know that,” San finishes for him. It’s not that Wooyoung goes around blabbing other people’s secret. He’s just a very honest person who feels the need to share what’s on his mind.
The waiter serves them drinks and informs them that their food is on the way.
“Well, San,” Seonghwa begins, straightening his back. “I must let you know that your secret admirer has one more gift to deliver to you.”
“Okay, what is it?” San glances around, wondering where Seonghwa had hidden this gift.
Seonghwa clambers to his feet and rounds the table to stand by San’s side. “Come closer,” Seonghwa instructs, beckoning San to lean in.
San leans in, shivering when Seonghwa cups his face with his cool hands.
“Your secret admirer wanted me to deliver this to you,” Seonghwa explains before closing the gap between them and kisses San.
“I want to thank my secret admirer for the gifts, can you thank them for me?” San asks in between kisses.
“Of course,” Seonghwa smiles against San’s lips. “I’m sure they will be very happy to hear that.”