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Ever since Kenma could remember, he'd always had vivid dreams. Dreams in which he could feel everything and a full eight hours of sleep would be days to months of an imaginary life. Dreams in which he could be a different Kenma than the one who plays video games and volleyball everyday.
In one he'd been a cop. He doesn't know why, but for some reason being a good cop was his goal in that life. Though he understood that Kenma's thought process, he never felt the same way. His cop self ended up becoming a national hero after reforming his police department.
In another dream he'd been a a neurosurgeon in his late thirties. He particularly didn't like that one; the stress was too much. He had woken up with a shout, drenched in sweat after accidentally killing a young girl with a brain tumor. His mom had found him crying into his pillow when she had gone upstairs to wake him up since he'd been late for school and when she'd asked him what was wrong, he couldn't say a thing. What could he say? Sorry mom. I'm sorry. I accidentally killed someone.
His parents know that he has strange dreams, but Kenma has never verbally communicated how intense they are and how strongly they affect him. They can always tell when he has one though. He sees their caution when they talk to him over breakfast, careful not to speak about anything that could possibly bring a bad memory up. They seem to think that all he has are nightmares, but that's not the case.
He's had great ones too. Dreams that make him feel like he could do anything. He dreamt that he had become an accomplished pastry chef. That Kenma's desserts were so delicious, he couldn't help wishing that he could recreate them. Sadly, as it was all a dream, the skills didn't transfer. Pastry chef Kenma's famous apple pie was too difficult to make. He's had to settle for his mom's recipe.
However, with both good dreams and bad, he hasn't dreamt any vivid ones in months. Maybe he's grown out of it? Kenma's not so sure though, since the last time this happened it culminated with him having a five year long dream during a sleep over at Kuroo's. His friend had been worried, having not been able to wake him up.
Kenma settled into bed, checking the last messages of the day before going to sleep. Kuroo's read: “Go to sleep. We have early practice tomorrow.”
Kenma looked at the time. 2AM. Early enough. That last boss didn't want to die; he couldn't possibly stop before he beat it after all.
All 5 other messages were from Shouyou.
“Uwoooooo! Today's practice was great! My receives are getting better!”
“I can't wait to see you again Kenma! Soon! Soon!”
“Mom made mild curry rice today! It was delicious and I had to finish Natsu's! It was too spicy for her!”
“Nooooooo! I think I forgot something at school! I probably forgot it when Kageyama bumped into me.”
“Goodnight Kenma!”
Kenma felt a small surge of happiness and texted back, “Goodnight Shouyou,” before closing his phone.
Next week was another training camp so Nekoma had been practicing intensely for the past 2 weeks in preparation. He shouldn't have stayed up so late. Yawning, he got comfortable and slept.
When he woke up, he saw a different ceiling, one covered with glow-in-the-dark stars. It was barely sunrise, so their green glow was still visible.
Kenma quickly sat up and took in his surroundings. His hands were small and free from the calluses he'd gotten from gaming and his room didn't have any of Kuroo's stuff lying around.
Crayon drawings were taped to the walls. His mom always liked to put up his artwork when he was young. They mostly depicted power rangers as he'd been a big fan.
His computer was nowhere to be found and a look into his closet revealed only clothes for a small child. There were no mirrors in his room, probably because his parents worried that he would break it and hurt himself, so he tried going to the hallway bathroom.
He was definitely short. The doorknob was to his collar bone and it had been to his hip's before. He went to the bathroom and lucky for him he was tall enough that he didn't need to use a stool to reach the sink. He looked at the mirror there to see a child staring back.
It was obvious what was going on, but sometimes it still felt like an out-of-body experience before he'd settle in.
Kenma stared at himself as he took in the child looking back. No acne or acne scarring, no dark circles under his eyes from gaming, and dark hair. He was definitely a kid again. Not a time that he'd like to visit again in his life, but he knew he couldn't force himself to wake up. It had never worked before and though he had theory if his dream self died he would wake, but he didn't want to test it.
“Hmmm? Kenma are you up?” he heard from the hallway, “It's a little early for you to be up isn't it?”
His mom looked into the bathroom.
“Is something wrong?”
He shook his head.
“Well, you look tired and it's still early. Do you wanna to go back to bed?” she asked.
He shook his head again.
“Okay. Well, Momma's gonna start making breakfast. Do you wanna help?”
He didn't really have anything else to do, so he nodded and off they were to the kitchen from his childhood. Though as a 16 year old, Kenma didn't help his parents with breakfast that much anymore (rather helping with dinner and dessert), his child self was fond of making food in the morning.
And thus he found himself cleaning the rice and putting it into the rice cooker while his mom cooked up some eggs. The rest of the meal consisted of some dried fish and salted plums, which he honestly didn't really like, but he'd never told his mom that.
At the table, his dad started asking him questions about what he thought of the school year, and though Kenma himself did not know what to say, his dream self did.
“I don't like it.”
His dad let out that familiar hearty laugh that made Kenma miss how much time he had with his parents before high school.
“Kenma,” his dad said as he ruffled the hair on Kenma's head, “you'll like it eventually. You haven't made any friends yet have you?”
Kenma shook his head before he knew what he was doing. His dream selves tended to do that.
“Hmmm. You know Kenma, I heard that we got new neighbors. Their son is too young to be in 2nd grade like you, but he should be joining elementary school with you this year as a 1st grader. They didn't get to move in as fast as they wanted so he's starting a week late and we'll be picking him up before dropping the two of you off at school. Be nice to him.”
That's strange. If Kenma was currently in 2nd grade, then Kuroo would be in 3rd grade. Who's his next door neighbor? A younger Kuroo?
He's only encountered a younger Kuroo once in his dreams, and that was when he was a kindergarten teacher. He doesn't want to be the older one ever again. Little Kuroo is a handful.
Kenma's lack of enthusiasm must have shown on his face, because his parents started whispering intensely among themselves.
He never liked making them worry.
“Mom. Dad. It's almost time for school.” he said, drawing them out of their conversation.
“Okay Kenma, go get ready. We'll pick up our neighbors' son after you're done.” his dad said.
With curiosity quickening his movements, Kenma was ready in five minutes and they were off walking to the house next door. There was no nameplate in front of the house to tell Kenma who had moved in next door and his parents laughed at his obvious desire to know.
They knocked on the door and at first no one showed, but rapid footsteps neared the door before it opened.
And all Kenma could see was orange. Not black, but a bright orange that he only associated with one person.
“That's strange. It's not . . . Kuroo?”
He didn't even realize that he had said that out loud until the boy in front of him tilted his head in confusion.
“Huh? My name's not Kuroo, it's Hinata Shouyou! Are you the next-door neighbors? What's your name?”
Shouyou said this whilst staring at Kenma, clearly directing his question at him. Kenma could also sense his parent's desire for him to make friends.
“Yeah, we are. I'm Kozume Kenma,” he said and afterward he could feel his parents pat him on the back for trying to socialize.
“Great to meet you! Okay, I'll grab my stuff!” Shouyou said as he ran off.
He came back with a huge cat-themed backpack. Kenma was particularly amused at how it was in Nekoma's colors.
Together the four of them walked down to his elementary school two blocks away and as Kenma's parents headed back home, he could hear Shouyou whimper. He checked on Shouyou to see him red-faced, holding his gut.
“Shouyou? What's wrong?”
Shouyou jumped a little, definitely not expecting this older kid to be worrying about him and to be using his first name.
“Uh nothing. Just, you know. This school is so big! I don't even know where my classroom is! The paper says 1-B but I tried to find it on a map and I couldn't. And the older kids are so big! And-”
He began to cradle his stomach.
“Urgh. I think need to go to the bathroom! Where's the bathroom?”
Kenma held him up as Shouyou doubled over. He never knew that Shouyou could be like this.
“Follow me.” he said as he held Shouyou's hand and took him there.
Once inside, Shouyou ran to the nearest stall and promptly threw up. Kenma grabbed Shouyou's bag and rubbed Shouyou's back in what he hoped to be a soothing way. When Shouyou finished, he shakily stood up and turned bright red once he saw Kenma was right behind him.
“A-ah. Thanks! It's kind of embarrassing that you saw that though.”
“No problem,” Kenma replied, shaking his head slightly, “We should get to class. School should be starting soon. Do you need water?”
“Oh, no I have water in my bag, but could you uh please take me to my classroom? I don't know where it is!”
Kenma took Shouyou to what happened to be his old classroom and when Kenma left to head for his, Shouyou had turned his head and yelled out, “Thanks! See you during lunch,” before running inside.
The rest of the day went by in a blur. School hadn't changed. In fact, today's lesson was one of the few he remembered from his elementary years, copied and pasted from his memory. The only change was his lunch break with Shouyou.
Kuroo had never been one to ask Kenma what he liked to do during lunch, especially as a child. He was the kind of person who learned by observing.
Shouyou was the opposite.
During lunch all he could do was ask Kenma questions like, “What's your favorite food?” and “Do you like any sports?” He was very enthusiastic about it too, always making sure to commit Kenma's responses to memory.
Kenma really liked it. Though in the back of his mind he told himself that this was just a dream. That though this Shouyou was based on his memories and observations of the boy, they were not necessarily accurate. That this Shouyou and everyone else he'd see were fake. And that he'd have to remember that.
They ended walking back home together and when Shouyou ran to his house, he waved goodbye and said, “See you tomorrow,” and then disappeared.
Kenma wondered if this dream would last long enough to see tomorrow.
Once inside, his parents congratulated him on “becoming friends with the neighbors” and on “trying his hardest to socialize.”
That part of the dream was taken directly from his memory too.
Later that day he went to bed with anxiety clawing at him. Would he be in this dream when he woke up again? Or would he be back in the real world, with Kuroo next-door instead.
The ceiling had dimly glowing green stars on it. Oh, he was still here. Kenma only wondered how long he would remain in the dream before getting up and ready for his day.
His parents trusted him, so he picked up Shouyou alone.
When Shouyou closed his door, Kenma could hear a feminine weak voice from the house say, “Have fun at school Shouyou.”
Kenma wanted to ask who that was, but his dream self didn't comply, only walking away from house. Shouyou had to run and catch up to him and when he did he seemed so confused.
“Kenma? I saw that look on your face! Don't you want to know who that was?”
Yes, Kenma did want to know who that was very much and was willing to ask. Dream Kenma however did not.
“It's okay if you don't tell me.”
“Huh? But you looked like you really wanted to know!”
“You don't have to tell me.”
Shouyou only shook his head at that, not willing to take it for an answer.
“I'll tell you anyways! I was kinda hoping you were going to get to meet her today. Since you didn't yesterday! That was my mom.”
Kenma's eyes widened, and curiosity getting the better of even dream Kenma, asked for more details. Shouyou complied readily.
“Well, Mom isn't feeling very good. Dad says that I have a little baby sister coming soon and that Mom is really tired from carrying the baby in her stomach. So normally I'd walk to school with Mom, but she's so sick in the mornings she can't. I'm glad I can go to school with you though! You're my first friend here!”
Kenma answered with, “You're my first friend too . . .”
And that set off Shouyou's alarms. His eyes widened and he let out a cry.
“Whoaaaaaa! You're my first friend and I'm your first friend! We could be best friends!”
Kenma's pretty sure that's not how it works, but Shouyou was very cute like this so he played along.
“Yeah we could . . . be best friends.”
Shouyou seemed to only get more excited with that. He was visibly shaking all over and his eyes shined with glee.
“Okay! So from now on we're best friends.”
Kenma nodded. “Yes, best friends.”
“So we can have sleepovers and play sports together and watch movies and even eat dinner at each other's houses! This is so cool! And-”
“Shouyou, we're going to be late for school.”
They were late for school, but not late enough to get in trouble for it. Using the excuse that Shouyou got lost seemed to work.
Apparently rumors about Shouyou getting sick and running to the bathroom the day before spread across campus and it also turned out that Shouyou had made a fool of himself during his class introduction too.
Shouyou was disheartened from it.
“Kenmaaaaaaaa! Now no one will like me except for you!”
He complained about it all through lunch, even as they grabbed a volleyball and essentially played toss and catch. Though he did quiet down when they began to play. It seemed his love of volleyball would never leave, no matter how many different dreams Kenma had.
Though dream Kenma did not know how to play volleyball, it seemed that the real one's skills showed through when Shouyou tossed it and he did a perfect receive, bouncing the ball off his forearms and right back.
Shouyou was instantly amazed.
“Whoaaaaaa! Kenma I didn't know that you knew how to play volleyball!”
Dream Kenma of course could not play volleyball and did not know much about the sport.
“I don't know how to play volleyball,” he shrugged.
Shouyou wouldn't take that for an answer though.
“Then how do you know how to do that? It was perfect! So cool!”
Kenma honestly felt a little embarrassed with how much Shouyou was gushing over a simple receive.
“I just watch it on tv. Mom likes volleyball.”
Of course Shouyou got excited over that too.
“If you're watching volleyball make sure to invite me. I want to watch with you too! The cable at my house still isn't working so I can't watch.”
“Yeah, I can do that.”
Kenma did end up meeting Shouyou's mom after school.
She had been lying on the couch, resting after finishing all her chores for the day. When they came in, she instantly lit up.
“Hi, you must be Kenma. It's nice to meet you.”
She said so with such warmth in her voice, Kenma could automatically tell who Shouyou took after.
He greeted her back and Shouyou began retelling the day's events to her. She was enthralled.
“-and Kenma and I are best friends now! And Mom you should have seen him during lunch! I tossed him the ball and he just wham! Hit it back perfectly! I still can't do that.”
She smiled, amused at her son's recount of the day.
“Practice more Shouyou and then you can. I'm sure Kenma would love to help, right?”
Kenma became anxious at her eyes, asking him to say yes. Well, he could help. None of the games in this dream were any different than what he had already played, so he could get 100% completion in a quarter of the time.
At the same time he still didn't hold a soft spot for volleyball.
But it was for Shouyou. Shouyou who had told him that he had no one to play volleyball with when he was young. Who played with anyone that would toss to him because he was so desperate.
Kenma couldn't find it in himself to say no and dream Kenma felt the same, compelled by Shouyou's mother's eyes.
“Sure.”
Kenma kind of regretted saying yes to helping Shouyou practice. Dream or not, young Shouyou was very rough around the edges. His athleticism was near nonexistent, just like Kenma's, and of course he still lacked in technique. He made up for all that in passion, as always.
“Whoa! Kenma, my receive then was better than before!”
Just slightly, but an improvement is an improvement.
It's the weekend, and they were practicing receives in front of Kenma's house. Kenma's yard was just a bit bigger than Shouyou's, and they were far enough from the windows that they would not get into an incident. Hopefully. There were never any guarantees in volleyball.
Shouyou was trying his best, that was for certain. He was red in the face and sweating.
Kenma on the other hand was not. He wasn't the one running to get the ball after all.
It wasn't until Shouyou walked instead of ran to get the ball however, that Kenma saw how tired he was.
“Shouyou, we should take a break.”
“Huh? Why? I'm fine!”
“Your legs are shaking.”
Shouyou looked down and seemed surprised to see his own quivering legs. He was probably so focused on volleyball that he didn't even realize his own body's condition. He tried to laugh it off, but Kenma wasn't having any of that.
“Let's get inside. We can cool down. Dad bought some ice pops,” he looked over at Shouyou's unwavering face, “Volleyball should be on.”
At that last sentence Shouyou's eyes lit up.
“Woooooooooo! Let's watch volleyball!”
Once inside Kenma got their ice pops out fom the freezer and Shouyou went straight for the tv, looking for a channel with a volleyball game.
He quickly found one from the loud whoop he exclaimed.
Kenma handed an ice pop to Shouyou and sat on the floor next to him. Even a treat didn't deter Shouyou's attention.
It was women's university volleyball, and one side was winning 2 sets to 0. The current set was in their favor at 14 to 6. Of course, Shouyou began rooting for the underdog.
He probably saw himself in their position.
“Wow, did you see that Kenma? The ball was up for so long and number 10—did you see number 10? —she did the perfect spike like bam! Right where no one could could save the ball!”
Of course, he focused on the wing spikers too.
Kenma honestly felt a little annoyed at how Shouyou didn't notice the setter's great tosses. Every single attack either team made was possible because of the setter. At the same time, this was just a dream. Just a dream. He shouldn't get irritated over this.
Dream Kenma wasn't having any of that though.
“The setter's doing a lot of work. And so is the libero. The middle blockers have been blocking a lot too. Don't focus on just the outside hitters,” he said with a pout.
Though he would deny doing so.
Shouyou blinked slowly, processing what Kenma had said.
“Oh! Yeah I can see that! They're really cool too! I just really like wing spikers is why. I want to be able to do what they do. When I grow up, I want to be a wing spiker and hit the ball like wham!”
He laughed and Kenma couldn't stay angry when he was so happy. It was neigh impossible for him to stay angry at Shouyou.
“What do you want to be Kenma?”
An easy question for someone who already decided.
“I want to be a setter. I don't have to run around as much.”
Shouyou laughed even harder at that.
“Yeah! That fits you! Then, when we grow up, I want you as my setter! I'll even run and grab all the balls for you.”
Kenma nodded in response, feeling strangely satisfied that this young Shouyou saw them together on the court in the future.
It took a lot of time, years actually, but with practice Shouyou actually became pretty good at receives. Definitely better than the real Shouyou, but Kenma knows the real one never had this kind of opportunity to train himself when he was young.
He began coaching Shouyou in hitting tosses, at Shouyou's request of course. Shouyou was tired of hitting receives all the time, saying that it was boring in comparison to spiking.
They were still young, and Shouyou was still having a hard time hitting tosses. It was obvious to Kenma that Kageyama was the reason for Shouyou's success at Karasuno, that Kageyama's precision tosses were the reason Shouyou could hit any at first, and that he was the reason Shouyou's skills developed.
But Kenma was not Kageyama. And he would never be.
Instead, he worked with Shouyou to improve his accuracy in hitting the ball, but Shouyou didn't seem to be getting better and Kenma burned with the feeling of failure.
He was never the one to coach people, to teach them new techniques, to mentor them. It was always Kuroo who had done that. And Kenma was not Kuroo either. But he couldn't stop helping Shouyou, when Shouyou would always brighten up whenever it was time to practice, smiling and having the time of his life.
Thinking about it, he definitely needed help. Help that could only be found on a volleyball team, from a real coach.
One day during Kenma's last year in elementary school, he asked Shouyou, “Would you really like to be on the same volleyball team as me?”
It was a question that had been plaguing his mind for a while, even in the real world when he wondered if Shouyou actually liked spending time with him. His insecurity always showed when he would look away and feign apathy.
And Shouyou always answered positively, like now. “Yes! I told you before and I'd never change my mind! I've always wanted friends who were also my teammates.”
“Okay. Then, you should know this is my last year here. I'm going to junior high soon.”
Shouyou seemed to grow somber at the thought.
“I-I know. I'm going to miss seeing you at school. I don't know if I'll go to the same junior high as you. But, there's one thing I do know! Even if I don't go to junior high with you, I'll definitely go to high school with you. And then, we can be on the same volleyball team.”
“Even if the school isn't your dream high school?” Even if it wasn't Karasuno?
Shouyou stared intensely into Kenma's eyes, hoping to convey his conviction. “Yes! Even then! I promise!”
They ended up not going to junior high together.
Kenma's was across the city. He had to take the subway every morning to get there on time.
During Shouyou's last year of elementary school he really considered going to Kenma's, but Natsu was around 4 years old, and Shouyou needed to help his parents take care of her.
He would pick her up from the daycare center and walk her home. The center wasn't too far from their houses, so he decided to go to the junior high closest to the daycare.
Spending time apart was hard.
It was strange. Before, Kenma had to wait a year before being reunited with Kuroo, since Kuroo was a grade above him, but knowing that Kuroo would be there for him when he began junior high and high school was assuring.
On the other hand waiting for Shouyou was much harder.
Kenma had gone to junior high with Kuroo, so not doing so with Shouyou led to a feeling of loneliness. School life was unsatisfying, and volleyball was even more uninteresting than before. There was no reason for him to play. He took up playing games again, even though his mind could only supply so many. He never liked playing them in his dreams.
Eventually, Kenma started ditching volleyball practice.
Once Shouyou entered junior high and joined the volleyball team, he couldn't always pick Natsu up, so Kenma did it instead. He had the time after all.
Kenma didn't really see Shouyou at all except for on Sundays, but he found himself keeping Natsu company most of the time.
She was a very sweet girl. He didn't know her in real life, but based on what he had heard, his mind created a kind little sister, who just happened to annoy her older brother a lot and who really liked to steal his food. Except she couldn't handle the spicy stuff.
The first time he picked her up instead of Shouyou, she had seemed excited, shouting, “Kenma-oniichan!”
The second time she wasn't so, realizing that her older brother didn't really have the time to pick her up anymore.
She eventually began to cling to him though. He wasn't used to it, being an only child, and Kuroo certainly wasn't the clingy type.
Every Sunday when he would spend time with Shouyou, if it was at the Hinata's, she would always peek into the room they were in. Kenma honestly didn't mind; he enjoyed both of their company. Shouyou didn't feel the same way.
“Agh! Natsu, leave!”
“I don't want to. Shouyou-niichan,” she said with a giggle.
Shouyou didn't seem to want to argue with her, so he looked over to Kenma and asked with his eyes, “Is it okay if she stays?”
Kenma shrugged, basically an affirmation.
Honestly, weekend hangouts with Shouyou usually turned into family fun time by the end of it, and Kenma didn't mind.
Shouyou had found out about Karasuno's Small Giant during Kenma's first year at Nekoma.
After that, everything volleyball to Shouyou also reminded him of the Small Giant.
And deep down somewhere inside Kenma, he felt fear at being left alone. He knew it was silly, because whether Shouyou chose to go to Nekoma or not, it's not like they would cease to be friends. They didn't go to junior high together, and their friendship was even stronger than before. The amount of sleepovers they've had are staggering.
He would prefer Shouyou going to Nekoma, of course.
And maybe he had been kind of ignoring Shouyou just a little because he didn't want to face the possibility of not having one of his pillars of support. If there was no Shouyou, and there was no Kuroo, then he would be better off quitting volleyball.
Shouyou noticed eventually (it took a while), and he was quick to bring it up once he did.
“Kenma, did I do something wrong?”
He only got the silent treatment as a reply and instantly thought Oh shit because apparently something was very wrong and Kenma didn't want to talk about it.
“Kenma, you can tell me if something's wrong! I know it's not because I accidentally ruined the white sweater you lent me, because you'd never care about that. And I didn't mean to eat the last slice of apple pie at your place, because your dad offered, and you'd also never get angry at me over that either! So what's wrong? I really don't know what I did wrong!”
Shouyou was always so sincere. Kenma could never be mad at him for long.
“I-I'm worried.”
Shouyou instantly replied, “About what?”
Kenma hesistated in bringing up the root of the problem, but he knew he had to say it. “You've been talking about the Small Giant nonstop.”
A light bulb lit up in Shouyou's mind.
“Oh! Yeah the Small Giant's really cool and I wish I could do what he does, but I'll still go to Nekoma with you! I promised. I can just be Nekoma's Small Giant or something. That would be so cool!”
Shouyou grabbed Kenma's hands and leaned close, so close Kenma could feel Shouyou's breath against his face.
“Kenma, next year I'm going to the same school as you! I'm going to Nekoma.”
And Kenma sighed, his anxiety quelled. “Okay.”
Shouyou did end up going to Nekoma the following year, and with his arrival Kenma began to regularly attend volleyball practice. Everyone was surprised.
Kai, who was the captain of the team, and Yaku, the vice captain, were glad to have him back. The coach was happy too. The main setter for Nekoma had left last year, and the next best thing was Kenma, even if he hadn't practiced for a while.
He'd have to earn their trust again though.
Shouyou's introduction to the team told them Kenma's reason for returning.
“Hi! I'm Hinata Shouyou and I'm a wing spiker! I'm short, but I can jump! And I want to be the ace of this team! Kenma's my childhood friend and I hope you treat me well!”
Due to Shouyou's nervousness he bowed stiffly and everyone on the team chuckled at the visible beads of sweat trailing down his face.
It was overall a good introduction. The team took to him well, and the only issue facing Shouyou was his fear of Haiba Lev. Lev hadn't actually done anything, except for one unintended short joke at Shouyou's expense, but Shouyou didn't take well to him. He also didn't like how tall Lev was compared to him. He had said so after the first day of practice, which was basically orientation for all the new members.
“Kenma, that Haiba Lev guy is scary.”
“Shouyou, he's your teammate.”
“Ack! Here he comes!”
Sure enough, Lev was walking over to them, his height causing the other members around him to part like the sea. He stopped in front of Shouyou, seemingly staring him down.
“You,” he said, pointing at Shouyou and unintentionally poking Shouyou's forehead, “You said you wanted to be the ace. Well, I'm going to be the ace, so you can't.”
Shouyou automatically sprung back, his competitive spirit overcoming any fear. “No way! I'm going to be the ace! I'll show you-”
“Shouyou,” Kenma said, “practice is over. We need to get back home.”
“-I'll show you tomorrow, because we need to get back home. Let's go Kenma.”
They ran to the locker room and quickly changed. Shouyou had an unfortunate problem where he would always accidentally pull down his underwear with his shorts. Kenma's learned to look away.
Unusually, the walk to the subway was very quiet, and it wasn't until they had boarded that Shouyou whispered, “Whoa, that guy is so scary. He's so tall.”
The battle between Shouyou and Lev never actually happened. The 3rd years didn't let them, instead telling them that they'd have to earn it themselves.
Nekoma had no ace in Kenma's mind. He didn't think of himself as one.
The team eventually came together, but Shouyou was saddened when he didn't get a spot as a regular.
“What! I'm not a regular? Why?”
Kai shook his head, not wanting to be the one breaking the news.
“We have enough wing spikers on the team. Including me, Yamamoto, and Fukunaga, that makes 3. It's not because we're upperclassmen. You need to improve more before you can become a regular as a wing spiker. Sorry, Shouyou.”
Shouyou wouldn't leave it at that though.
“Then, what do I have to improve on to get a spot as a regular?”
He said so with those intense eyes of his. Kai knew he was determined, if nothing else.
“Well, your receives aren't bad. When Kenma was telling us about your skills, he made it seem like you weren't that good at it. You must have improved a lot during junior high.”
That's not true, Kenma accidentally referred to the real Shouyou. This Shouyou and the real one looked so alike and acted so alike, that sometimes he found himself talking about one instead of the other.
Kai continued on. “You're right. You can jump, and you're good at spiking. But you need to improve on that point too. Lev tends to block your spikes, more than you tend to score against him. We would need you to be able to face tall opponents. And your serves are definitely a weak point too. If you want to become a regular, you need to practice your serves more and practice against tall opponents like Lev. Sorry, Hinata.”
Shouyou committed every word to memory, and right after that conversation ran over to Kenma.
“Kenma! You know what that means!”
“You need my help.”
“I need your help!”
The team looked on with warmth as they saw Kenma start to plan Shouyou's training regimen. They had never seen Kenma so excited and into volleyball before. It was a welcome sight, after seeing Kenma disappear for most of his first year.
Kenma wasn't a very strict coach. He allowed for mistakes, because Shouyou was a person, not a character in a video game that he could expect perfection from. Even in video games, random number generators tended to mess everything up.
They had worked on Shouyou's serve first, because that would take the least amount of time. His serve just needed to be passable. He had a tendency to hit it outside of the court, giving the opposing team free points.
Kenma set a dozen water bottles down at multiple locations on the court and told Shouyou to try to hit all of them. The goal was for Shouyou to hit the outermost water bottles, and still keep the ball inside the court, more than 75% of the time.
Luckily Shouyou was a quick learner. It took around one week of constant practice, but the improvement was easy to see.
Next was with spiking, and Kenma honestly didn't know what to do about that. Shouyou could hit with his eyes open. That was something Kenma got him to practice when they were younger. Honestly, Shouyou's spikes were just fine.
Kenma had an idea. He asked Shouyou, “If I toss, you'll spike it right?”
Shouyou instantly replied, “Yes!”
“Even if it's really high up?”
“Yes!”
“Even if it looks like it's impossible to hit?”
“Yes! I'll hit it no matter what!”
Kenma had one of his answers there. He tossed the volleyball in his hand incredibly high, in a hard to reach spot from Shouyou's position, and at a lightning quick speed that he was unaccustomed to. A copy of the King's Toss.
Shouyou moved before he registered what he was doing, jumping up with all his might, and barely missed the ball. He seemed surprised at that.
“Kenma! Again! I'll hit it this time!”
They tried again and again, until Shouyou could do it.
At the end of it all, when they were both tired, Kenma thought about how amazing Shouyou was.
Shouyou was made a regular after a show of skill against another Tokyo volleyball team. He was still benched during the first set of every game, simply due to Nekoma's strategy of prioritizing a strong defense over a strong offense. However, when they needed to switch to the offensive, he would always be switched in.
He didn't get to participate in many games unlike Kenma, who was a necessity. At least, not until the middle of the year.
The coach gathered every member after practice, and told them, “It's a lucky day for us. I just confirmed a practice match against the Fallen Crows.”
Karasuno.
“The practice match will be in two weeks. We'll also be doing practice matches against a lot of other teams in Miyagi. Make sure to train as hard as you can, I heard they're pretty good this year!”
The team practiced hard during those two weeks. Kenma had never trained so hard, but knowing that everyone, including Shouyou was counting on him made him try.
When it was time to leave for Sendai, Shouyou looked green in the face.
“Augh. K-Kenma. I don't feel so good.”
Kenma wordlessly gave him a plastic bag that he kept in his backpack for this type of occasion.
Once on the bus, Shouyou wasn't looking any better. In fact, he looked worse. Kenma quickly tried to distract him.
“Shouyou, I brought my 3DS. Didn't you say that you wanted to play the new fighting game?”
Shouyou wearily smiled at that. He liked it when Kenma tried to comfort him. He grabbed the 3DS with his shaking hands and began to play. Once he started getting excited over the game, instead of thinking about the upcoming match, he was fine. For now.
An hour later Shouyou handed the 3DS back to Kenma and yawned, leaned against Kenma, and fell asleep. Kenma didn't mind. Also, Shouyou must have shampooed his hair that morning. It smelled like citrus, so he must have used Natsu's stuff.
When they reached the hotel they would be staying at, Kenma had to shake Shouyou awake. Once they went inside, Shouyou only curled up against Kenma once more and returned to sleep.
The next day, Shouyou needed the plastic bag again.
Yaku tried to calm him down, but to no avail. It would just take time for Shouyou to relax. This still wasn't as bad as the first time, when he vomited all over Kenma's clothes.
When they arrived at Karasuno's gym, Kenma's eyes fell on one person.
It was strange, seeing him again. Kenma didn't really realize how much he missed him.
“Kuroo?”
The tall boy quirked an eyebrow.
“Oh? You know my name?”
Kenma looked away, unable to keep his eyes on Kuroo for long. He wanted to run up to him and hug him, just to experience that closeness again, but he knew he couldn't. They didn't know each other here after all.
Shouyou grabbed Kenma's hand and excused them, stating that they both fell ill and that they would be right back.
He led them to a tree not too far from the gym to keep away prying eyes, and then took a good look at Kenma's face.
Kenma couldn't take seeing Shouyou so close right now, and glanced away. He wanted Kuroo back. He wanted Kuroo to be in Nekoma, but for that to happen, Shouyou would have to be back in Karasuno, and at this point Kenma didn't know if he could take that either.
Shouyou hugged him suddenly. “Kenma, what's wrong? I've never seen you like this . . . you look so sad. Was it that black-haired guy? Did you know him?”
Kenma didn't move to bury his face into Shouyou's shoulder, even though he wanted to, instead letting any tears drip down his face. He shook his head. “No. No, I don't know him. He just reminded me of someone. I'm okay.”
“I'm okay,” he repeated as he closed his eyes and more tears came.
Shouyou didn't reply to that, just continued hugging him until he cried it all out.
When they went back inside everyone had already warmed up, and they gave them time to warm up too, while pretending that nothing happened. It was obvious that Kenma had cried, from the red of his eyes.
Yaku constantly tried to make sure Kenma was fine as they stretched. Kenma only said that he was okay.
Kai told Shouyou that he would stay on the bench until the second set, and Shouyou settled for that, knowing that at least he was guaranteed to play.
The beginning of the match was rough. Kenma was trying his best to concentrate, but it was hard. He felt miserable. Not only that, but this Karasuno was very good.
Without Shouyou they didn't have that amazing quick that caught most teams off-guard, but instead with Kuroo as another strong middle blocker, they had a solid offense with a solid defense. Nekoma could keep the ball in play against Karasuno's strong offense, but they couldn't score many points.
Kenma did one feint to score a point, but with the pointed look Kuroo gave him afterward, knew it wouldn't work again if Kuroo was in the front rotation.
They were struggling, and for the first time in Kenma's experience against Karasuno, they lost a set, 22 to 25.
As promised, Yamamoto was switched out so that Shouyou could play in the second set.
With that fierce look on his face, Shouyou stared at Kenma and said, “Remember, no matter what toss you do, if it's for me I'll hit it. I'll hit all of them. Let's win, the fifth match we've ever played with each other!”
Kenma nodded, feeling assured of their win now that Shouyou was on the same court as him.
The second set began with an explosive start. Kenma did the first serve of the second set with the intent to win, and they ended up getting an ace. One point for their team already.
On Karasuno's serve, they scored a point Kuroo did his own feint, all the while staring at Kenma, challenging him.
The second point of the match for Nekoma was thanks to Shouyou. Even without actively trying to be a decoy, he was doing a great job as one, constantly jumping and tricking that Tsukishima kid into trying to block him when Kai was actually the one attacking.
The third point was also due to Shouyou, but this time thanks to a spike. Everyone on Karasuno's team seemed to forget about Shouyou for just that split second, and Kenma tossed that lightning quick ball around where Shouyou should have been.
Even if Shouyou wasn't there when Kenma tossed, he was there to hit it.
Shouyou hugged him right after, happy that it worked against such a strong team. “Kenma! Let's do that again!”
They did.
They won the second set, 25 to 23.
At the beginning of the third set, Karasuno substituted their setter for Kageyama. And at that point Kenma knew they had to play at their best.
Kuroo also seemed to be eying Kenma, ready to react to whatever Kenma did. From the second set, Kenma could tell that Kuroo was beginning to get a read on him. They had to end the match quickly.
Thinking about it, almost nothing was as scary as facing Kuroo and Kageyama at the same time. They were truly a force to be reckoned with.
Karasuno's offensive capabilities suddenly shot up. While Kageyama occasionally had misplays, his genius showed through the amount of points Karasuno quickly racked up.
Nekoma tried their hardest, but they lost the last set 19 to 25.
It was slightly disappointing, but at the end of the match Kuroo walked up to him and said, “Impressive.”
Just that small bit of praise made Kenma happy.
Shouyou also seemed to be getting along with the other Karasuno players. Especially their libero and one of their wing spikers. The one that looked like a delinquent. He didn't really get along with Kageyama here but, that was to be expected.
Overall, it was a great practice match. Kenma hoped they'd have another one soon.
Shouyou's accomplishments during the practice matches in Miyagi really cemented his position in the team. Everyone trusted him, and everything returned to normal by the end of summer.
Somewhat.
Shouyou had been acting strange for a while, and whenever Kenma gave him a curious glance, he would just make an excuse for his behavior. It worried him.
He asked Yaku about it one day.
“Shouyou's been acting strange lately. I don't know what to do.”
Yaku tried to remember how Shouyou acted normally compared to how he was acting now.
“Yeah, he's been avoiding you. That is weird, he's never done that before,” Yaku then seemed to get an idea, “Have a sleepover and ask him about it.”
Kenma didn't know if he liked that. It was basically cornering Shouyou in his own house and making him spit it out. Though, it'd probably work.
He asked Shouyou if he could sleepover on Saturday, and at first Shouyou was so reluctant, he kept trying to find any excuse possible. It kind of hurt Kenma's feelings, just a little, but eventually Shouyou acquiesced.
That Saturday, Kenma waited until after Natsu fell asleep before asking.
“Shouyou. Why are you avoiding me?”
“H-Huh? I-I'm not avoiding you. No I'm not,” Shouyou replied, staring at the wall instead of at Kenma's face.
Shouyou was on his bed, so Kenma sat next to him. It only seemed to make Shouyou more nervous.
“Shouyou, please tell me. I'm worried.”
Shouyou gulped. “I-It's not like I'm sick or anything, but it's just I've been feeling weird lately. Around you. Like really warm when you're close. L-Like right now. And I. I don't know it only happens around you! It's weird. I have a hard time even concentrating on volleyball sometimes because I see you and I. I don't know.”
Oh. Oh.
Kenma didn't know what to say to that. Only knew that of everyone he knew, he would pick Shouyou to date, because Shouyou made him ridiculously happy and excited, even if it didn't seem like it.
Seeing Shouyou's red face made Kenma blush himself, and he thought that maybe it could work out. Maybe.
“So Shouyou, you like me.”
“W-Well yeah! That's basically what I'm saying. Kenma, I think I like you. A lot. When I think of you I get happy and I don't really know why. Like scary happy. I told Lev about it and he said it was weird to get that happy about a best friend! All this time I thought I had this feeling because we were best friends and then Lev had to tell me that I might like you more than as a best friend!”
Shouyou stood up and faced Kenma directly.
“And then I really started thinking about it because if I really liked you I would want you to really like me too! So what I'm asking is, do you like me too Kenma? Because I really like you and I think we should go out!”
Kenma wasn't prepared for this, but he knew his answer. The feelings he felt for Kuroo were that of a best friend. His feelings for Shouyou were quite different.
Kenma took a deep breath, readying himself. “Shouyou. I like you too. I liked you, so I wanted to see you succeed in volleyball, because you love it. You're one of the only reasons I continue playing, and the only reason I tried so hard this year. So, I like you.”
Shouyou tackled Kenma, and with Kenma sprawled on the bed, did a quick chaste kiss right on his lips. Then, he seemed to get really embarrassed right after and hastily backed off and sat on the floor.
“S-Sorry!”
“Why?”
“For kissing you like that. It was so sudden, I didn't even ask if you wanted a kiss, I was just really happy!”
“Well, I wanted one.”
Shouyou smiled at that. “Great!”
This time, Shouyou gave him another peck on his lips, and didn't run away. It left Kenma feeling warm.
Content, they got ready to sleep and ended up cuddling on Shouyou's twin-sized bed. It was cramped, but really nice.
With Shouyou's head under his chin, and their bodies pressed together, they fell asleep.
When Kenma woke up, Shouyou wasn't there.
Groggy, he looked around. It had to have been around noon or even later with how bright the sun was. And he wasn't in Shouyou's room.
Oh no. Oh no no no no.
There was his computer. And Kuroo's clothes that he left. No sign of any of Shouyou's things.
No.
Kenma grabbed his phone off the desk nearby and opened it.
The most recent text was from Kuroo, telling him that he'd leave practice early to check on Kenma since he was in such a deep sleep.
Kenma slowly laid his phone down, lest he end up breaking it, got up, and walked to the hallway bathroom.
He closed the door, sat on the toilet seat, and cried.
He had gotten too immersed in the dream. Had temporarily forgotten that it wasn't real and just images from his mind.
None of it was real.
Every moment with that Shouyou was fake. And it was strange, because Kenma felt so conflicted. He felt a sense of loss at losing the Shouyou in his dream, but also happiness because he had missed Kuroo so much. Just seeing him during practice matches was not enough, especially when Kuroo treated Kenma like a stranger.
At least here, Kenma wasn't a stranger to Shouyou. At least there was that.
And it took a dream for Kenma to realize that his feelings for Shouyou were probably deeper than that of a friend's. But he didn't know if he should act on it. What if he was mixing up his feelings for the Shouyou in his dreams and his feelings for the real one? What if he didn't like the real Shouyou like that?
What if?
He didn't know what to do.
He returned to his room after telling his parents he was okay, and curled up in his bed with his 3DS in his hands. He didn't want to think about it, not right now, so he played and played until it was dark out.
The blanket was ripped off of him and he could see Kuroo above him, looking on with concern.
“You sick or something?”
Kenma didn't reply, only continued playing his game.
“So a dream then?”
“Yeah.”
Kuroo stared down at him and waited for him to explain himself. He always got his way.
“. . . Shouyou lived next-door instead of you. We went to Nekoma together. We saw you at Karasuno. He liked me and confessed and . . . I told him I liked him back. Then I woke up.”
Kuroo could always see the root of the problem, even with vague answers. It was one of the reason he was Nekoma's captain.
“So. You and shorty started dating. Then you woke up. You miss that one or something? If you miss him, you should just talk to the real one blowing up your phone,” Kuroo said, handing Kenma the phone he had put away.
True enough, there were tons of messages from Shouyou, ranging from random texts about his daily activities to: “Kenma, are you okay? You haven't texted me back at all today. Do I need to text Kuroo? I got his number from Daichi.”
“Yeah, you should just talk to this shorty instead of thinking about the other one. He seems to like you here too.” Kuroo chuckled.
It was strange, how infuriating Kuroo could be, but how calming his advice was to Kenma.
Kenma nodded. Yes, he could do that. Talk to this Shouyou, who seemed to like him very much, if evident by the text from him stating, “Kenma, I miss you! Text me back!”
He eventually did, after reading through the other 50 or so texts.