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«Life’s a lie.»
Hongjoong rolls his eyes at the other’s solemn tone. «They just went on a weekend vacation, San.»
«Exactly!»
The outburst makes Hongjoong jump. Damn his friends and their loud vocal cords. It catches him off-guard every single time. It is a wonder his heart has not given up on him, yet.
«Look, even Seonghwa’s looking atrociously heartbroken!» San wails and points at the third occupant in the room.
Hongjoong casts a glance at San’s high-maintenance cat who looks anything but heartbroken. If he is honest the cat seems to judge them without mercy (nothing new on that part). He glances pack to the pitiful ball his temporary protégé has become and wonders not for the first time what it is with relationships that makes them so appealing for people to willingly become a heap of sorrow.
«Don’t you think you’re overreacting?» he asks. That is the worst question he could have asked. San whirls around, self-indulged misery forgotten, and points his index finger in a very dramatic gesture at Hongjoong. Wooyoung would be proud if he were to be a witness. «I’d like to see you going on your merry way when your other half is gone, and you don’t know when you’ll see them again. I could become a widower without knowing!»
«I wasn’t aware the two of you were married,» Hongjoong replies dryly. He can feel the start of a headache forming.
San levels him with a displeased glare. «You don’t need to be married to feel married. Show some sympathy, you cold-hearted human. I may suffer from a broken heart sooner than you think. All the plans we made - our honeymoon on an island, little dates to anywhere, holding hands, write poems and little notes to each other, all in vain because of this stupid trip!»
The conjured image does not help Hongjoong muster any sympathy up for his “suffering” friend. He must wear a repulsed expression because San lets out a deep sigh. «I forgot your aro ass is allergic to romantic relationships.» He flops down on his mattress again and stares at the ceiling as if it will offer him the answers he seeks – whichever they might be.
Hongjoong frowns, feeling attacked. «I let you know here’s nothing wrong in seeking friendships and non-romantic relationships in general,» he sniffs and crosses his arms. He misses the realisation of the impact San’s words had on him in said man’s face and therefore is not aware of the other’s next actions. Hongjoong grunts when an unexpected (but not un-welcomed) weight collides with his back and strong arms slide around his middle. «Didn’t mean it like that, I’m sorry,» San mumbles against his shoulder blade. «I just miss him, y’know?»
«I think we established that, yes,» Hongjoong replies sourly but allows the other to cuddle him. He is aware San needs some sort of compensation for the absence of his other half, as San likes to call his own boyfriend. Involuntary he shudders as his mind reproduces occasions of the disgustingly sentimental couple. There needs to be a PDA restriction for those two around their friend group. There is only so much cringe he can accept before he has to puke.
«You’re judging our relationship again, aren’t you?» San says, words half-muffled by the thick cotton sweater Hongjoong is wearing. The latter hums non-committal. «More of me being strengthened in my opinion it is nothing I need in my life.»
San snuggles closer. «Are we really that bad?»
Hongjoong wants to laugh and tell him how much they disgust him but the vulnerable undertone in the other’s voice makes him hesitate. «I don’t hate it, sweetheart,» he says and wiggles around until San is facing him. «You two can be overly dramatic when you want and overdo it with your affections in public, but that doesn’t mean it is bad.» He flicks San’s nose which made him flinch back and glare at Hongjoong, offended. It is as harmless as a new-born guinea pig. He continues, «While I can never envision myself being like that with anyone you two make it work. Two halves of one piece, to put in your words.»
That causes San to smile brightly and tackle him in another hug, this one tighter and more painful than the first. Most of it has to do with the momentum of San crashing into him and them falling off the bed. His back will revenge itself later.
«Love you, Hong.»
«Don’t let Yunho hear you say that.»
A dreamy sigh. «Yunho is the best, an angel on earth.»
Hongjoong wants to hit himself. He forgot the stage that follows “I suffer a great deal because of my partner’s absence”. It is not the first time he must listen San (or Yunho) gush and drool over their significant other to others, no matter if said person/persons requested this sort of information or not.
Thanks to that Hongjoong knows – unwanted he may add – how cute Yunho’s red cheeks are in the morning and that they resemble ripe apples. That is debatable but San is not known for being objective. Or that Yunho wants to eat San (metaphorically) whenever the other whines or pouts. Again, Hongjoong can think of several products he rather eats but to each their own. According to San, Yunho’s the sexiest when he rolls up his sleeves and makes tea or takes care of animals and people alike. That Hongjoong can sign. However, he does not want to jump the tall guy and pepper his face with kisses and do other non-speak able things. Since they are already on the not so descent lane Yunho admitted on several nights out that he wants to devour San whenever said man pushes his hair out his face and show everyone who he belongs to – the rare times Yunho’s possessive side appears (Hongjoong to that point has not been aware the man had one but it is a spoken fact others bring out one’s worst/hidden character traits).
« -Seonghwa sat on his chest and they were both sleeping soundly, it was SO CUTE.» San’s squeal is way too close to his ears Hongjoong fears he temporary loses his hearing. «And Seonghwa had his paws on Yunho’s cheeks, so adorable.» There are literally sparkles in San’s eyes. Hongjoong is not sure how he does it. He groans. «Why am I subjected to this?»
San blinks down on him. «Why are you still on the floor?»
Hongjoong’s close to telling him the truth when he realises that answer will send his protégé into another round of squealing and cooing and drooling over his partner. He is too sober to handle that. «Prevention method in case you intend to jump me again.»
San had the audacity to grin. «You’re good-looking, Hong, but I’m not into shorter guys.»
«You-» Hongjoong takes a deep breath, aware of how red his face must be, and tries self-hypnosis that he just needs a scotch, and everything is fine. «You’re not much taller.»
«I know,» San agrees amicably. «That’s why I have a tall boyfriend. I can climb Yunho perfectly. You don’t know how amazing it is when he has me against the wall and hovers over me-»
«That’s enough,» Hongjoong interrupts, right arm lifted in the air as if to stop an enemy. «I do not need to know more of your sex life. I’m scarred enough as it is.»
San pouts at him. «But Hooong, you haven’t heard the best part yet!»
«I’m quite happy with not knowing.»
Hongjoong sighs in relief when his friend gives in and spares him further details of their wall sex-escapades. He still recovers from San’s explicit kitchen story. He has a hard time not screaming whenever he sees a vegetable that resembles distantly a dildo. Yeah, he can live without all that information. He has some freaky friends, that is for sure.
«When are they coming back?» San asks and starts to roll on the bed back and forth.
Hongjoong gives him a pointed look the younger consequently ignores and continues his “free the burrito ritual”. Better not question your friends’ actions if you want to stay sane. «They left two days ago, San. Tomorrow you’ll have Yunho back.» Or earlier if his buddies must deal with an as strenuous person as he is faced with. Then it is possible he is freed quicker from his responsibilities than expected. Responsibilities Yunho was so kind to dump on him with the reasoning «I can enjoy this trip better if I know someone’s there keeping an eye on Sanie» and puppy eyes. Hongjoong stood no chance. Also, it is nice to know one’s own boyfriend holds the opinion one needs supervision. It gives Hongjoong a great deal of satisfaction that San’s behaviour is commonly seen as a safety hazard to others.
«You’re hungry? I’m cooking us something good,» he offers the freed burrito on the bed. San halts in his movement, giving Hongjoong a stare he is an expert in interpreting. He lets out a sigh. «Yes, you can get ice cream, too.»
San perks up at the indulgence and literally runs out the room. «Hurry up, Hong, the food doesn’t cook itself!»
Why is he friends with that menace again?
As it always does, food can prevent San thinking about his absent partner for so long. Not even ten minutes after the last ice cream has been devoured San bemoans Yunho’s absence once again. Hongjoong wonders if after this weekend he will become an alcoholic. His urge to get a drink grows and grows which each passing second his protégé indulges in self-pity-
He checks his phone to ignore the pitiful heap on the kitchen floor, only to see a message from Yeosang, Yunho’s best mate, as he introduced himself a few months ago. They developed a good acquaintanceship over the couple’s gross and at times eccentric behaviour.
received 10:59am
We’re on our way back, yunho’s being a whiny bitch
Can’t stand it
Hongjoong cannot help the snort escaping him. He is not surprised by that. Yunho can become a petulant child if he wants to – more often than their friend group can handle. He types a quick message back.
send 11:20am
Alright, have fun! :D
The response does not take long.
received 11:25am
🙄 I expect a bottle of vine when I come back
sober I can tolerate this man child only for so long
send 11:27am
Putting the alcohol in the refrigerator^^
received 11:29am
my hero
btw, I forced him to read, that should shut him up for a while
This time Hongjoong cannot suppress the chuckle crawling up his throat that grows in a cackle when he catches sight of San’s pouting face. He considers telling the other but eventually decides against it. Revenge for the chagrin the younger caused him over the two days is more than justified in Hongjoon’s opinion.
Sadly, his revenge only lasts five hours long. Then, … :
«San!»
The yell is accompanied by a door falling shut loudly and startles Seonghwa who scrambles from its comfortable place on the couch pillow and runs out of sight faster than a lightning bolt. Hongjoong is impressed. He is not impressed by the dramatic reunion San and Yunho present to the rest of them. Like two lovers who have been separate by force (insert any cliché, e.g. Romeo and Juliet) they tumble in each other’s arms with various cries of «I missed you», «I love you» and «I’ll never let you go again».
Seriously, one might think they have been separated for a year.
«Guys, we’ve been gone for a day.» The exasperation in Yeosang’s voice and face cannot be overlooked. «No need to be this dramatic.»
«I like to see how you act when you’re left behind!» San throws back and clings to Yunho like a koala. It is kind of comical, if Hongjoong is being honest. And brings him back to the various times San told him how he likes to climb his boyfriend. Pure thoughts, pure thoughts only.
«Next time we’ll go together,» Yunho promises. Behind him Yeosang cuts grimaces and rolls his eyes so hard the possibility they get stuck becomes plausible. Hongjoong gets him. «Please go together, than I’m freed of my babysitter duty,» he says and presses the palms of his hands together. «I can only take so much of San whining about the-» he quotes, «“lOvE oF hIs LiFe”.»
Yunho stares down at the mentioned person, sporting the biggest love-sick expression Hongjoong has had ever the misfortune of experiencing. «You said that?» he wonders, the awe in his voice so thick Hongjoong is sure he can grab and strangle it. Even more ridiculous is San’s reaction: red head and suddenly shy and quiet, hiding his face into Yunho’s neck. As if he has been reticent about their love life and has not made Hongjoong think about cleaning that dirty mouth of his several times. Hypocrite!
«I really have the cutest boyfriend, don’t I?» Yunho grins and twirls them around. It elicits a giggle from San and soon they whisper sweet nothings to each other.
Yeosang makes a retching sound and slips into the kitchen, gesturing Hongjoong to follow who gladly uses the chance to escape. He by no means wishes to see the couple make out in front of him. He is scarred for life.
«Want a drink?» Yeosang helds up a bottle of Aperol which never looks as appealing as it does in this moment. Hongjoong nods, «please.»
«I really wonder why we thought a weekend vacation was a great idea.»
Hongjoong laughs. «A failed attempt at therapy, I say.»
Yeosang shrugs his shoulders and hands him his drink. At the raised eyebrow that greets him he explains, «We need a strong concoction for the shit we’ll have to bear the next hours.»
How true his words were, Hongjoong thinks after the four of them find themselves on the worn couch Wooyoung’s mother bestowed the couple (something about favouritism and teasing Wooyoung). Hongjoong never asked, the relationship between Wooyoung and his mother is a riddle he is not keen on solving – ever.
Now, he considers occupying himself with that rather than witnessing the (unsurprisingly) lovey-dovey behaviour his favourite couple demonstrates. They should star in a movie about star-crossed lovers, perfect fit with their dramatic personalities.
«Fifty-two hours,» he mutters disbelievingly as he watches San drape himself over Yunho like a blanket, the latter immediately responding by putting his arms around the smaller and pressing several kisses to every patch of skin he could reach. It is followed by whispered words Hongjoong wishes he can unhear. Sadly, he has very good hearing, and his memory is even better. The amount of mushiness is unbelievable.
He needs a stronger drink Yeosang is happy to oblige.
This way they last thirty minutes, then the noises reach them. Explicit noises, breathless moans, tongue involved and saliva dripping kissing. Hongjoong shares a glance with Yeosang and in silent communication they flee the flat.
To his utter luck Hongjoong’s shoes do not cooperate with him well and he experiences a few seconds of San’s begging to hurry up and other questionable sounds he wishes not to investigate deeper. With a light curse he runs out the door with one shoe in hand, Yeosang already waiting at the stairs. He is so kind and does not comment on Hongjoong’s shoe situation but the smirk leaves nothing unsaid.
Hongjoong grunts. «Shut up.»
Yeosang puts a hand to his chest in fake pain. «I didn’t say anything, and you attack me? I’m wounded.»
«Yunho rubs off on you.»
Yeosang patronizingly pets his shoulder. «I like to think it is may amazing acting skills.» He ends it with a dramatic, «my love of my life.»
It sends Hongjoong in a fit of laughter Yeosang is quick to join and soon they lean on each other to keep their balance. «You really are as short as you seem,» Yeosang comments and sounds completely flabbergasted as if it is the discovery of a new world wonder. Hongjoong just knows his ears are bright red but he is too exhausted to react with more than the good old middle finger.
In that moment they hear a door fall into its lock followed by a dull thumb that sounds suspiciously like a body being pushed against a hard surface. They share eye contact, both horrified. «Please tell me it is not what I think it is,» Hongjoong says in resignation. His plead is followed by another thumb. Yeosang shudders. «I won’t stay here to find out.» He turns around and and sprints down the stairs, closely followed by Hongjoong who loudly curses the couple for their shameless behaviour. Out of experience he knows they can be loud – he takes no chances.
Unbeknownst to them, the said couple they left in the living-room has peaked out their flat to watch their interaction. San is set on them becoming best friends although his attempts in bringing the two more close has been more than questionable. Nonetheless, the whipped man Yunho is he supports his boyfriend in the mission.
At least this time San’s plan is more fruitful in the way he can touch him and feel him against his own body. The pent-up energy of the last days has finally an outlet which is why Yunho pushes the door shut once it is clear they are a step closer to mission complete and cages San in who immediately understands his intentions and pushes against him. Yunho, aware of his boyfriend’s preferences, lifts him up and presses him against the door, completely forgetting that it is not soundproof and the hall quite resonating. San’s little giggle is more important. «My big strong man,» San coos and squishes Yunho’s cheeks.
«You really know how to spice it up,» Yunho deadpans but leans in to kiss the other deeply. Two days apart has been way too long.
«How about we send Hongjoong and Yeosang on a trip next time?» San suggest breathlessly in-between the kisses and tightens his legs around Yunho’s waist. «That way they can deepen their budding friendship and we have time for us.»
«I knew I fell for your smartness,» Yunho replies and hoists him up a little bit higher against the door. San hums. «We’re a perfect fit.»
He affectionately rubs their noses together that coaxes a bright smile from Yunho and rips the man’s shirt open. «Now off with this, I have plans.»
Yunho’s laugh and the following noises the declaration brings along are something Hongjoong is luckily spared by.
This time.