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The image of his mother was the last thing he saw before jolting awake, sweat clinging to his brow as he gripped the sheets. His chest ached from restricted breathing and he sat up, eyes scanning the room. Remembering where he was, he took a deep breath in and fell back onto the mattress, rubbing his face with his hands as if to erase the visions from his mind. Instead it only brought more painful memories and he clasped his hand over his mouth to stifle a sob. ‘It’s your fault she’s dead’ the phrase repeated itself over and over as the tears spilled down the side of his face. After a while, he calmed down and looked at the clock, silently cursing his sleep demons when it read 03:27. There was no chance he was going back to sleep now, so he donned his dressing gown and slippers before leaving his bedroom and heading to the kitchen.
He poured a glass of water and sighed before drinking the whole thing, staring at the empty glass like it betrayed him before placing it in the dishwasher. The quietness of the compound only reminded him how lonely and isolated he was; the other avengers were still slow to include him in the team- not that he expected anything less- and Thor was getting busier with missions and his scientist lover. The only person who did seem to care about him was you- Miss y/n, the teleporter who had been apart of the team for months before he arrived. Your humour and undiscriminating kindness was a shock for him, especially when he discovered you were an innocent bystander during his New York attack. The friendship had begun when, after a previous night terror, you had found him staring at a blank television screen in the living room. You stayed with him for the rest of the night, discussing all manner of things until you both fell asleep on the couch. It was the most peaceful 3 hours sleep he’d had in a while and- when you promised him that he could always come looking for you if he had trouble sleeping again- he realised he may have begun developing feelings for you, not that he would ever tell anyone. So it was no surprise to him when, as he rode the elevator back up to the bedrooms, he walked past his room and stood in front of your door.
He knocked lightly and waited for a reply. After a few moments he realised you must be asleep and he cursed himself for assuming you’d leap so readily to his aid. Walking away, he was startled when your door clicked open and your head peered out from the gap, your eyes thick with sleep. “Hey Loki.” You croaked, offering him a tired smile which made his heart leap.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have woken you, my apologies-”
“No need, come on in.” You opened the door wider and waited for him to walk through. When he didn’t, you squinted at him before pointing at him sharply and then pointing into your room. He got the hint and entered your room with shuffling feet, nerves suddenly taking him as he had never been in your private space before. It was quaint, homely, a television sat on your drawers facing your double bed, pictures all over the walls of you and the other avengers; it stung a little when he realised that he wasn’t in any of them. “Before you say anything, you’re a hard man to photograph.” You mumbled as you sat on the edge of your bed. He let out a small laugh and turned to you,
“Well I never really liked pictures.” He lied, still trying to keep the façade even when in such an intimate space. You snorted and then beckoned him over with your finger, smiling at him when he complied and sat down at the furthest corner of your bed. “I won’t bite don’t worry.” You teased, taking of his sleeve and tugging him closer, “Oh wow this feels so soft! Where did you get it?”
“…Home.” He replied hesitantly and you smiled knowingly at him.
“So,” You began, lifting your legs up and holding your knees, “Couldn’t sleep?” His gaze fell to the floor,
“Something like that.” You tilted your head and examined his facial expressions; tired puffy eyes and you were pretty sure you could see streaks of tears on his cheeks. “I’m sorry I woke you.” He said as he still avoided your gaze.
“Don’t be, I made a promise and I will carry on keeping it; just forgive the tragic mess you see before you.” You declared, your hands gesturing to yourself as his gaze flicked to you and a soft ‘hm’ fell from his lips, his eyes crinkling. You watched him sit in silence and felt your heart breaking, you knew he’d had a nightmare- or something bad had happened- and though you didn’t wasn’t to push it, you hoped he would unburden himself and tell you. Feeling brave (possibly from lack of sleep), shuffled yourself to the middle of the bed and patted the space in front of you, indicating for him to join you. Refusing at first, he kicked off his slippers and followed your movements when you scrunched your face at him again. As he sat cross-legged, you moved so you were very close, his eyes scanned yours and the rest of your face at speed, you could tell he was weary. “Just, let me do something, okay? I promise you that you’ll be safe.” He gazed at you for a moment before nodding his head slightly and you slowly lifted your hands and placed them on the sides of his face. “Close your eyes.” You whispered calmly; the soothing nature of your voice was enough to make him obey. Using your thumbs, you gently rubbed away the wet patches on his cheeks and then pressed them to his temples and made small circles. “Now,” You said softly as your thumbs moved, “I bet I can guess why you can’t sleep.”
“Oh really?” Loki enquired, his voice a lot quieter than he expected. You hummed in agreement as you moved your thumbs to brush over his forehead like opposing windscreen wipers. “Care to place a wager on that?” You smiled at his suggestion, enjoying hearing the Loki you know and love. “Okay: if I’m wrong, then I will make you my special chocolate dessert that you loved so much.” He grinned at the prospect, eyes still closed and he raised his eyebrow, “That does sound rather promising. And if you’re right?”
“Then I get to ask you one question that you must answer honestly.” He peeked at you with one eye and you raised your eyebrows in challenge.
“Fine, I agree to those terms, but your answer must be specific.” He responded, closing his eyes again as your thumbs moved down his nose and made circles on his cheeks. He was rather enjoying the feeling of your touch on his skin, and he also noticed a wonderful lavender smell which he assumed was a bath soap or moisturizer that you used. A smug grin spread across your face because he wasn’t aware of how observant you could be. “Well, the first thing I noticed was the red, puffy eyes and your tiredness movements, so I think you had a nightmare.” Your heart raced when a smile appeared on his lips and you desperately wanted to replace it with your mouth, but you shook the thought away. “Very good, y/n. What about?” You thought for a second, evaluating his body language and thinking of all the possible scenarios. You had now moved your fingers to his scalp, gently applying pressure, “Well, Loki, as you know, Thor and I speak quite often, and he always tells me stories of life on Asgard, both happy and sad.” You paused and took a breath, the pieces starting to come together quicker than you could analyse them.
“And?” Loki insisted.
“And, if you don’t mind me saying so, I noticed the tears on your cheeks when you came in, suggesting it regarded something deeply emotional and/or troubling.” His smile faded and you felt him tense in his seating position. Removing your hands from him, you placed them in your lap and looked down, realising you had gone too far, “I’m sorry, forget I said anything.” You didn’t see, but he was looking at you with his mouth open slightly, having discovered it was highly likely that you did know what his nightmare was about; he considered that maybe it was time he discussed his feelings with someone, and there was no person he trusted more than you, “Don’t stop there, carry on.”
“I don’t want to,” You shook your head, “It’s not fair, I’m sorry I shouldn’t be making a game out of it.” He placed his hand on your knee and you glanced up at him. “Go on, I think you’re on to something.” You looked at him, wanting to make certain he wouldn’t be upset with you.
“Was it… about your mother?” You whispered the words as quietly as you could and he offered you a thin smile before looking away.
“Well done, you got it correct.” He replied. You don’t know what came over you, but at that moment you wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug. He flinched at the sudden contact and then slowly sank into it, placing his hands on your back. “Thor speaks so fondly of her, and he always says you two were very close; yet you’ve never mentioned her.” You mumbled, “Forgive me for overstepping any boundaries, but I want you to know that you don’t need to keep it secret or try to hide your emotions; if you ever want to talk- about her or anything else- then I am here, day or night.” You felt him cling to you tighter and you pulled him up into a kneeling position on the bed so it was more comfortable. You stayed like that for a while, selfishly enjoying the feeling of being in his arms, as well as the incredibly soft warmth that irradiated from his dressing gown. As he leaned away from you, you dropped your arms from his neck and gazed at him, seeing fresh tears had fallen and instinctively wiping them away with your thumb. “Thank you.” He whispered, the close proximity making you shiver.
“Always a pleasure, never a chore.” You smiled as you spoke.
“So,” Loki started, trying not to sound too shaken by being so close to your lips, “You win, what’s your question?” You shook your head vigorously,
“No, I don’t want to ask anymore, you’re safe.”
“Hmm… I bet I can guess what it was.” He smirked, watching you tilt your head, your gaze giving you away when it flashed ever so quickly to his lips before moving back to your eyes. It was something he’d thought about for a while, noticing how you paid him more attention than some of the other avengers and often catching you staring at him from across the room. He returned his hands to your back, bringing you closer to him, lips a breath apart from yours, “How about I answer it now?” He murmured before closing the gap and breathing you in. You sighed into the kiss and gripped the front of his dressing gown as you held him close, sparks ignited your body with every movement. You let your tongue swipe across his lips and he grinned into your mouth before trading access with you, the kiss becoming more passionate as you tasted each other for the first time.
Eventually you broke the kiss, resting your forehead on his as he traced circles over your back, “That was a rather good guess.” You praised, earning a laugh from Loki. You glanced over at your clock and sighed: 04:37. “You might as well stay now.” You said, shuffling yourself to lie on your bed, head on your pillow and motioning for Loki to join you, which he promptly did once he’d removed his dressing gown and laid it across you. Shuffling until you were both very close, faces almost touching, you reached out for his hand and interlocked your fingers, “Goodnight, Loki.” You murmured, eyes fluttering closed. “Goodnight, y/n.” He sighed, feeling his whole body relax, the soft sound of your breathing all he needed to send him off to sleep.