Chapter Text
Last year of high school, 5th of may.
It was a warm and sunny day. One of those the girls enjoyed and used to go to the lake after school. They would have jumped in the still cool water and splashed each other, until the boys would have joined them. Then maybe they would have had a race or maybe each couple would have drifted away, in the quest for privacy. Or maybe the boys would have been in a playful - but slightly tiresome - mood and would have ganged against them, trying to gently sink them. In the end, they would all have laid in the grass, watching the sky and laughing while the sun took care of drying them up. They would have drunk beers, which one of them would have sneaked out, and danced the night away.
Yes, it could have been one of those days. And they would have had fun. But when Daenerys had taken a painful hold of Missandei’s arm in the middle of the school corridor and dragged her forcefully to the closest bathroom without even saying hello, they all knew the sky was going to turn stormy, and this day certainly wasn’t going to be one of those “days”.
Daenerys was paler than usual, that was the second thing that got Missandei intrigued. Her best-friend was livid, and she hadn’t even been this colour the last time she had a stomach bug.
“Out. All of you. OUT.” She seethed as she threw a menacing glare to one first year who was petrified. She hadn’t really raised her voice, but nobody dared to disagree. That was the final blow. Missandei’s eyes widened on their own, completely stunned at her friend’s behaviour. The blonde girl then began to pace the room, biting nervously on her nails as her body kept trembling.
What the hell was happening? Daenerys was the sweetest girl out there, even if she still had a bit of a temper; Dragon blood as they called it playfully. She was very popular at school, being the leader of many clubs and more, especially of the humanitarian association of the school. She had a huge heart and lots of people used to feel entitled to come to her and talk about their issues. She always offered a comforting shoulder and an open ear, as well as Missandei who was usually her right hand woman; one indissociable from the other.
“What has gotten into you?”
When Daenerys refused to speak and kept pacing, Missandei decided to jump on the sink and have a seat. There was no need to rush the other girl, she would only get upset and close herself up harder than an oyster. Still, they had to be in class in less than 10 minutes. She would have to speed the process up.
“Are you going to say something? Or let me wonder if you’ve become insane after your little act out there?” she asked her, a bit harsher than intended. Still, it got the results she was expecting. Daenerys turned her way, her thumb still on her lips, a haunted look in her lilac eyes. She stood frozen there for a second, watching Missandei as if she was just noticing her presence. That got Missy’s mind to collapse under the thousands of worries flooding her mind. “Hello?!” she tried sceptically, trying to bring Dany back on earth. Now, she truly was worried.
Her best-friend then flung herself into action, rushing to the stalls and opening each of them, making sure they were all empty. “You’ve definitely turned insane …” murmured the browned skin girl. As the silver-haired storm brushed past her, Missy reached for her arms and managed to hold her still. “Come on, Dany, you’re freaking me out. Say something, anything”. Her eyes were pleading, her heart beating fast and her palms sweaty. She was just hoping for a word, an explanation. Something. Anything. And what came her way was definitely not what she had been expecting.
“I’m late”. The words were slurred, shaky, barely above a whisper. If Daenerys hadn’t been so close that she could feel her breath on her skin, Missy would have missed it.
“What … What do you mean you’re late? Dany, the bell hasn’t even rang yet and ... Oh.” Understanding down on her. That was definitely not the type of lateness she was alluring to. Nope. Now, that made more sense. She wasn’t just feeling unwell, she was frightened out of her mind. “How.. um, how much by?” she tried to ask with as much assurance as she could mustered.
“6 days, almost a week. I think” she answered. Her voice was now steady, as if she had separated herself from her body that was still trembling and that she was talking of the possibility of another person altogether being pregnant.
Oh, damn it… She could be pregnant. What was this mess?
“What do you mean by ‘you think’?” she wondered, watching as the blonde dropped her gaze on an overly interesting piece of tiling.
“I didn’t really write my last ones down, but… technically, if I remember correctly, it’s been 6 days. One day, give or take. Not more.” She bit her lower lip, her teary eyes sinking down. “Do… do you think that maybe.. maybe I could be, um, you know… that I possibly could be carrying… um,um” she cleared her throat, her voice full of unliberated sobs. She raised her gaze to the ceiling, trying to stop any tears from escaping her eyes.
“I wouldn’t know. You’re the one who knows what happened to your body on that particular topic.” Argued Missandei.
She was mad. Missandei couldn’t truly explain why exactly, and she knew now wasn’t the moment to get mad. But she was furious. Furious at her best friend for being possibly careless and throwing herself in such a shitty position. And furious at her boyfriend for also being careless, probably selfish for having put her in such a state. Yes, Missandei was enraged, that something this upsetting could be happening to the other half of her soul. But overall, she was sorry. Because however much she wanted and would do anything for her, she couldn’t truly help Daenerys, she couldn’t make things easy for her. God, she hated being this powerless.
She couldn’t lash out at Daenerys right now. Her friend needed her support and her affection, her attention, not her rage. So, she took a breath. A deep one, and then another one. And, only after that, did she speak again.
“Have you and Jon been having intercourse this past month?” she asked softly, trying not to pry too much.
She obviously knew the answer. Daenerys held no secrets from her, and she had been the first and only person Daenerys had told the tale of her first night too. She had known the day after; Dany had said she couldn’t keep that from her, that she had to know, and that Daenerys needed advice. Of course, not about the sex. Missandei only knew about the technical points of the coupling, the sort of knowledge you gain by reading anatomy and reproduction ouvrages. That was definitely not the advice she had sought. But then, maybe she should have shared her knowledge about accidental conception, especially in the young adults’ generation…
Daenerys looked at her as if she was pulling her leg but still, she nodded, looking defeated. “Yes. Yes, we have. Many times; but … I don’t get it. We’ve been overly precautious.” She sighed. “Well, maybe not overly but still, we’ve been careful since the beginning.” She began to pace again.
“You know, D, withdrawing at the last moment is not really the surest way. In fact, it is not at all”. She tried to be understanding, she didn’t want to sound pushy or judgmental. That was not her point, but as she had feared, that’s how Dany took it.
“I’m not dumb, Missy. I know that very well, thanks!” she had let her voice rise and become a little harsh as she had come back face to face with Missy.
At the same moment, the door opened. Three girls from their grade coming in, bringing in the constant hubbub from the corridors with them. When the first one raised her gaze to them, the two friends turned their head to the newcomers.
“IT’S BUSY!” they screamed at the same time, sending death glares at the intruders. The girls sent them surprised and dirty looks before leaving the lady’s room, muttering about madness.
“I don’t get it. The condom must have ripped, and we didn’t notice. I don’t know. That’s the only way ... I … We …”. The young girl had both hands on her head now, striding the tiles endlessly.
Missandei came down from her sitting spot and came close to her friend as the clock struck 8 o’clock. Her eyes rose to the clock but turned back to the lilac-eyed young woman quickly.
“And now we are going to be truly late. Oh god, what did I do …” Daenerys started to weep.
Missy finally took both her hands in hers and tried to catch her gaze. “It’s ok, we’re not going to school today. We’re gonna sneak out when everyone’s in class, ok?” she asked but already knew the answer. “We’re going to go home, mom’s at work. Then I’ll go to the drugstore and buy a test. After that, we’re going to have a hot cocoa and chill a bit under the covers, watching something silly or a Disney film. And then, when you’ll feel ready – well, as ready as you can feel – You’ll take the tests. And I’ll wait with you, holding your hand if you want, or hiding your eyes if you prefer.” That made Dany smile through her tears that were now freely strolling down her cheeks. ‘’Now come. We’ve gotta wait a little before everyone’s out.” She brought her thin friend into her embrace, holding her close and stroking her hair.
*****
Once they got to Missy's home, Daenerys waited impatiently for her to come back. She had to turn down at least 5 calls coming from Jon and ignored all the texts from her friends.
When Missy got back, everything happened as her friend had said. They watched Mary Poppins, Pocahontas and then Mary Poppins all over again, cuddled under Missy’s duvet, a mug of hot chocolate in their hands.
When 2 o’clock rang, Daenerys extirpated herself from the comfort of the bed and made her way to the bathroom. She needed to pee. It was as good a time as any. So, she opened the 2 boxes Missy had bought, took her panties off and crouched down on the toilet. She freed the sticks from their caps and then, closing her eyes tightly, peed on them. She glanced at it from time to time to be sure she was peeing on the strip and not beside it. She was doing quite an okay job so far. Once her bladder emptied, she placed the 2 sticks scoffing at her on the side of the washbowl and began reading the instructions.
It was pretty quick and simple. If a line appears, she’s pregnant. If nothing happens, she is the happiest girl in the world. She washed her hands and went to find Missy, her nerves eating at her too bad. Her friend was seated on her bed, her back reclined against the headrest. Daenerys resolved to crawl up the bed, until she was settled in between her legs, her back against Missy’s chest and her best-friend’s arms clutching her to her heart.
“Have you ever considered that you might just be late?” Missandei asked softly, trying to appease her friend.
“I’m never late. Not a single time, not a single day.” She answered, as if the discussion was over.
Missandei knew that women’s bodies were more complicated than that. They were having tons of homework, plus the exams were just next week and they were all fretting for college. Stress. That was a miraculous thing playing against women hormonal cycles. So, she voiced it. “Maybe it’s only stress.”
But Daenerys scoffed, “That can’t explain it all Missy; not so many days”. Daenerys cuddled deeper into Missy’s embrace and stuck her ear against the brunette’s heart, listening patiently to the sound of her heartbeat.
“Some women can miss an entire period because of stress; sometimes even more than one.” she kept reasoning. “You’ve got many reasons to be stressed right now. The homework, the exams, the trip this summer and … I know you still need to decide which university you will attend and I also know that you can’t wait to see where Jon is going to make your choice. And before you deny it, I know that you don’t want to choose because of him, and I know it’s driving you crazy that it’s still what you’re doing. I know deep down; you’ve already chosen your university. But you’ve no idea if it will change your mind if Jon doesn’t get to go there as well, and that scares you to death.”
Daenerys deposited a light kiss on Missy's cheek, her own completely wet. “It shouldn’t be allowed to know someone this much. I don’t know what I would become without you Missy. I love you so damn much, and I’m sorry if I don’t show you enough anymore”.
Missandei felt a warmness choke her heart and her throat, painting a small delicate smile on her face as she tightened her embrace. “Well” she started, emotional. “If we are lucky, you won’t have to find out what life looks like without our fatal duo to rule it.” The two girls laughed softly, holding close to each other.
“Don’t want to break the mood, but I think it’s really time to see the results” Missandei said as she began to straighten herself.
They both walked to the bathroom, but Daenerys got blocked at the door, her face even paler than this morning. Missandei went back to her, a soft look gracing her features. “What is it, D?” she asked kindly.
“I … I don’t think I can do this. I can’t look at this. If … If it’s positive, Missy, my life is screwed. And … And I know that I won’t be able to go through with an abortion. I’ve thought about it all week long. I can’t do it. And … and then Jon will hate me, because I’ve ruined his life too. And I’ll be alone or … or worse, he will stick around for the baby out of pity but… he won’t love me anymore and … and I can’t survive this either.” She hadn’t breathed throughout her speech and by the time she’d finished, Missy could only just about hear what she was saying, her voice becoming wheezy and raspy.
Missandei caught her chin in between her fingers and plunged her gaze into hers. “You’re an amazing woman, Daenerys Targaryen. You’re surrounded by loyal and fearless friends and family members. And that man loves you more than life itself. I can’t say it won’t be trying, that it won’t be hard. But nothing is impossible for you. There is nothing you can’t do when you put your mind into it. Now, you take a breath and I swear to you that everything is going to be alright, whatever the results are.” Daenerys nodded slightly, her eyes shining from the tears and from the gratitude she felt for her best friend.
She squeezed the brunette’s hands stronger and expressed her wish in as steady a voice as she could muster. “I want it to be you. I want you to look at those, please Missy, I know I can’t. But .. But if you look at it, then it’ll be easier. I know it is a terrible thing to ask of you, but please … I’m beg.. I’m begg...” Tears now ran freely down her cheeks, inundating her voice. Missandei nodded before Daenerys had to truly beg. A dragon never begs, she thought.
She reached for the sticky sticks and closed her eyes. Instantly, relief flooded through her, lifting a weight Dany’s assertiveness had already begun to create. But her reaction got misinterpreted as her friend began to collapse against the door.
Once Missandei realised, she rushed to the silver-haired girl’s side, doing her best at creating a cheering smile. “It’s negative, Daenerys. It’s alright. Everything is okay.”
Daenerys watched her, contemplated her. No emotion could be seen on her face. She was obviously shocked. “Both of them?” she asked robotically.
“Yes. Yes, both of them. You’re not pregnant. You should have a blood test performed just to be 100% sure but, it’s pretty reliable.” Missandei tried to make her smile, at what she thought would be good news.
But, as Daenerys shot her a small, tired smile, Missandei noticed something she never thought she would see. If Daenerys' left hand was currently still holding her back to the doorframe, her right one had worked its way toward her lower belly. And, as her dark eyes levelled with the lilac’ ones, a lone tear escaped and rolled, lonely, down the pale cheek.
****
After the tedious adventures of the day, Daenerys fell back asleep in Missy’s bed, only to wake up a couple hours later to the sound of two of her favourite voices. Missy had called Jon; she had known that Dany would want to see him after all of this. That he was also probably worried-sick about her.
Daenerys cleaned her face as well as she could from the strand of hair that had stuck to it and rose in the bed, coming into the view of her two friends sharing a cup of tea. Jon was the first to make eye contact and instantly smiled at her. As if an invisible thread was linking them, Jon came closer to her, reaching for her lips as soon as he was in her personal space. From the corner of her eyes, she saw Missandei quietly excuse herself, and she couldn’t love her more than she already did.
She kissed Jon softly, and felt all the heartbreak he had been through all day, not knowing what was happening to her. Mayhap, she had also communicated her heartbreak as, when their lips separated, he was on the verge of crying. Though, right now, she needed his solace, his tender embrace, his arms and his warmth.
He got her out of the covers, wanting to feel her skin against his. His hand was on her bare thigh, as her shirt had risen from her posture, and his left one was lost on the left side of her face and her hair. Their foreheads touched, and rolled one against the other, seeking peace of mind. Her arms were hanging loose from his shoulders and she rejoiced in the warmth emanating from his body. He was keeping her mind grounded, keeping her sane.
Finally, he broke the silence, murmuring softly. “What happened today?”. And, when she didn’t answer, the words stuck in her throat, he made her fall deeper in love with him. “Did you take a test? And… um, what was the result?” Her gaze shot into his grey ocean eyes and she cried, honestly and without artifice. She cried. For the relief she felt. For the love she felt for him, from him. For the unbelievable, caring man he was. For the baby that could have been … “Whatever it said Dany, I’m with you in this. Whatever your choice is, I’m with you. I’ll do whatever you want. Keep it, abortion or adoption. Everything. I’m yours, from this day to the last and this is your choice. I love you, more than the sky can hold stars.” He kissed her forehead and held her close as she collapsed in his hold.
She was feeling so loved and so grateful for the beautiful people life had graced her with. She put her cheeks against his, holding it there a minute, bathing in the sensation of his soft stubble against her smooth skin.
“It… it was negative.” She finally whispered.
His shoulder slumped, expressing his relief, and despite all the love she felt for him, it made her heart jealously bruise a little. She knew it was insane, but something deep down in her, felt sorry and … dare she say, broken. She was insane. She should be at the “hosting a party” type of joy right now, and she felt it, truly. But there also was this little spot of darkness nuancing it all. She knew life was never black and white, but now she had experienced it. Feeling torn between those two completely opposed emotions, she hated it. She really did.
****
After thanking Missandei profusely, they had gone back to the Targaryen residence, hand in hand. She invited him to the garden, somewhere far away from her family’s gaze. They sat on the last step of a small stairway, bathing in the declining sun. He held her, kissed her, reassured her, and urged her to speak to him.
The only thing she felt ready to talk about was the question trotting in her mind. “How did you know?” she wondered. How could he possibly have known?
“I’m no bloody scientist, that’s true, but I know you women have cycles, allegedly regular. Yours are always very punctual. I know that because a) you say so yourself, and b) your mood sort of changes around that period and you’re frustrated because you want to have sex but you aren’t feeling well enough for it. I noticed. I noticed we usually just cuddle during a specific time of the month and so I just deduced what it meant.” He marked a small pause. “Furthermore, you’ve been tense this last week, more so than usual. I knew it couldn’t be just the stress. Plus, we did make love 2 days ago, without you saying anything about an indisposition. It’s just … 1+1 made 2 and ... I suspected something like that could be brewing. I would have talked to you about it this weekend if you hadn’t broached the subject but… the way you were acting... I suspected you had figured it out, so I just wanted to let you have the space and time to come and talk to me about it. When you were ready.” He ended, sheepishly.
She kissed him softly, thanking him for being so thoughtful and attentive. She cuddled close to him, opposing her head against his chest, her scalp tucked under his chin, making sure she was not in his direct line of sight before opening the last tiny part of her heart she had kept locked.
“I would have loved this baby” I already loved this imaginary baby, was what truly stayed unsaid. “I know I don’t make any sense, and I’m glad I’m not pregnant. It’s just…” she closed her eyes as well as her mind, wondering if that would be too much for him. If that was the moment he had dealt with enough of her drama.
“You can say it, Daenerys. Please, say it…” he urged her, holding her close and making her heart burn.
‘’It would have been a piece of you, in a piece of me. It would have been ours, it… it would have been us…” she whispered, softly sniffing. “It would have been our love made flesh, a tiny infant to hold and to love…” her last words were barely audible, swallowed by her sobs as he began to rock her tenderly. “I know damn well we are too young, yet… it, it… it hurts so bad.” She sobbed on his chest.
“I’m sorry this hurts so much, my love.” He stopped for a minute, waiting for her wails to slow down. To keep his own chagrin at bay, as well. “From now on, we’re going to be much more careful. But one day, when we will both be ready… That day, we will have a child. I promise. And it will be beautiful, and amazing and everything it should be. And this time, we will embrace it with open arms.” He kissed her forehead and held her until the sun had disappeared behind the trees. Until, despite the cool breeze of the moon, she felt her body get back a bit of the warmth she had thought lost. One day …