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Steve took each step to Maria's apartment one at a time. It was slow and painstaking, but he wasn't sure he had the energy for more. The last several months had sapped him. He knew most of it was emotional, psychological, but he was tired all the same.
She wasn't expecting him. They weren't supposed to see each other until she walked down the aisle to him the next afternoon. But that had originally been scheduled for November. Now, it was March. So forgive him for not believing it was going to happen unless he did something to guarantee it.
It was frustrating him, not sexually, as Tony inferred, though, to be honest, it surprised Steve that it wasn't. He wanted Maria now more than he'd ever understood possible. But he refrained from even bringing the subject up anymore. He pushed his feelings aside, hoping that they really would be married tomorrow.
November had come and gone, Maria laid up with minor burns and other injuries from an attack on the Hellicarrier a week before their original date. December had never worked out for the venue and Steve had suggested they just have it at the Tower as Clint and Natasha had. But Maria wouldn't hear of it. She told him she felt bad enough that he couldn't get married in The Church, he'd at least get married in a church.
So they'd scheduled for January, but January and February had seen Steve in Asgard, trying to hold off a crisis across the nine realms, and had ended in a four week long battle that had nearly finished him. He wasn't immortal. Steve had returned more battle weary than he'd ever been.
He smiled now, and it wasn't only because he'd arrived at her level, it was at the memory of returning to earth, limping, but standing, and Maria had been there. She had smiled at him, then run to him and thrown herself into his arms. She had never done that before. When they returned from SHIELD missions, they had to maintain a level of professionalism, and that certainly never allowed for greetings like that one.
He stood outside her door, here at the end of March, almost afraid to knock. Afraid to find out what thing would keep them from their wedding now. He cringed inwardly as he thought of Darcy's words at the Tower before he and the other men left for the Knicks game, Steve's approved choice for a bachelor party.
"Maybe fate's trying to tell you guys something," she'd said, and Jane had chastised her, even as Thor and Clint gave her thunderous looks.
Taking a deep breath he raised his hand to knock when the door swung open.
Maria stood before him in a t-shirt and sweats, no shoes, her hair, growing out since she'd cut it short after it was burned in the attack, was coming out of a pony tail in wild strands. She looked flushed and seemed to be breathing heavily. In her hand was a garbage bag.
"Oh, Steve," she exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"
When he didn't give a reply, she spoke again.
"Is everything alright?"
In his mind, Steve searched for the answer to her question, but all he could think of was how beautiful she looked, and how he simply wanted to take her back into the apartment and do with her all the things they'd been putting off.
"Steve?" She stepped toward him, concern evident on her face.
She raised her hand to touch his face and he leaned into it. Then he reached up and took her hand and pressed his lips to her palm. He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. She was OK. He realized now that half his fear centered on something terrible happening to her again to postpone the wedding.
He took the trash bag from her hands and walked down the hall to the garbage chute. He dropped it in and returned to her. She still looked worried, so he gave her a slight smile, then took her hand and pulled her back into her apartment.
He chuckled when he saw the vacuum in the middle of the room, the furniture in disarray, the cleaning bottles on the kitchen counter, and the old rags in a bucket in the corner.
"I have to have it clean when I move out, and since Jasper's moving my furniture to the tower, well, I just wanted to make sure I got my deposit back," she explained, though both knew that wasn't the reason.
He turned and pulled her into his arms. He wasn't sure how long they stood there, but he was jerked from his thoughts by Maria's statement.
"Steve, you're scaring me, is everything alright?"
Taking another deep breath he tried to tell her, yes, everything was fine, but it wasn't.
"I'm so terrified that something's going to happen to stop the wedding tomorrow," he told her.
She smiled a sad smile at him.
"Me, too," she said, and she pressed herself against him.
They stood, holding each other, for a few moments, until Steve got the nerve to ask what he'd come to ask.
"Can I stay here tonight?" He asked, then went on, quickly. "I'll sleep on the couch. I just want to make sure nothing happens."
"No," she said, and Steve understood, even though he was bitterly disappointed.
"The couch is too small for you," he heard her laugh.
"I'm not trying to," he started but she pulled away slightly and put her fingers on his lips.
"I know," she said. "And I'm glad you came. I've been going crazy with worry about tomorrow."
He leaned down and kissed her gently.
"Let's not worry anymore," he said.
She smiled and nodded.
Steve pulled his phone out and pressed the music app. He picked a Harry James album he knew they both liked then set the phone on the kitchen counter.
"Dance?" He asked, simply.
"I'm not really dressed," she stammered but he interrupted.
"It's just here," he said. "We don't need fancy clothes."
"OK," she smiled.
"How about I take my shoes off, though, so I don't step on your feet?"
He went to the bedroom to leave his shoes. It hadn't changed much since the first time he was in the room, nearly a year ago. The only difference was a stack of moving boxes in the corner. He sat on the bed and removed his shoes and socks. Setting them on the floor at the foot of the bed, and tossed his coat onto the bed, he turned to leave when he noticed the picture was still hanging.
He smiled. It was the sketch he'd made of her in the park all those years ago, before he'd got the nerve to tell her how he felt. She was sleeping on the blanket where they'd had a picnic, it was the first time he'd seen her completely relaxed. He had fantasized that day that she had relaxed because of him, because she felt the same things he did.
He walked back out to the living room. Maria looked as if she'd tried to clean up, her hair was brushed, and pulled back into a pony tail. She had obviously washed her hands and face and had applied some lipstick. He shook his head.
"You didn't have to do that," he said. "You looked beautiful."
"And I don't now?" she tilted her head and smirked.
Steve lowered his head and shook it.
"I always walk into that, don't I?"
She stepped up to him and took his hands in hers, she placed one on her hip and put her hand on his shoulder and he started to lead her around the room.
They began to dance while As Long As I Have You played.
"This is my favorite place to dance," he smiled down at her.
"Really," she didn't look like she believed him.
He nodded.
"This is where you taught me to dance," he said. "That's when I knew."
Steve stopped speaking as they continued around the small room, unsure he could get the words out. How could he hope to tell her, to convey fully everything she was to him? He never thought he did it right, or enough. He took a deep breath and tried again.
"Maria, I have always thought you the most fascinating person I've met since waking from the ice." He smiled at the tinge of color that rose to her cheeks as he spoke.
"I am so thankful you let me close to you. I know you didn't have to, that you were just fine before I came into your life."
Fury's words in Munich replayed in Steve's mind, "She was a perfectly fine agent before you came along."
"But this, us, has meant more to me than I ever thought possible," he continued, as in the back of his mind he marveled at how dancing with her had become second nature and he didn't have to think of the steps as he spoke with her.
"If something happens tomorrow, something that delays the wedding again, I just want you to know that, as long as you're OK, I won't be upset. There is no one else for me, and if I have to wait, again, I'll wait."
He kissed her as an instrumental version of Ain't Misbehavin' began to play, and they danced together in silence for several minutes.
"You're wrong on one point," she said. "And I told Fury he was wrong, too."
Steve looked at her in surprise.
"Yeah," she laughed softly, and smiled at him. "Fury had to brag how he was looking out for me."
She reached her hand to his neck to pull him down to kiss her.
Resuming their dance, she continued.
"I wasn't fine at all before you came along," she explained. "I thought I was. I probably could have gone the rest of my life, if you hadn't come into it, and never known how much a mess I was. Mostly how alone I was. I thought I had friends, and I did. But I've never had anyone I knew I could trust implicitly. Not just with SHIELD work, I know I can trust Phil and Jasper and Clint, even Natasha, with that. But with myself, I never trusted anyone with myself."
Steve stopped and looked in amazement at Maria. He wasn't even sure how to respond to what she had said. She had been far more open with him since he'd returned from Asgard, but this was, he knew, everything.
He reached up to touch her face. He wanted to say something, but he didn't know where to begin. Instead, he leaned down to kiss her gently. He kept the kiss as innocent as he could manage. He forced himself to stop and pulled away to rest his forehead to hers.
They danced for several more slow songs, until Steve felt Maria stifle a yawn. Then he took a steadying breath and suggested they go to bed.
"I need a shower," she said and Steve forced away the image his mind attempted to conjure.
"I'll go get my bag," he said.
He left and took the keys with him, but he planned on taking his time. He was testing his limits enough by sleeping in her bed tonight, he didn't need to see her walk out of the shower.
It was still freezing at night. But the cold hadn't bothered Steve for years. He walked slowly down the street to his car taking in the neighborhood he'd known for years now. Steve had argued that they should live in Maria's apartment, but she wouldn't have it. She had a list of sound reasons why it was more practical to live The Tower and Steve didn't have the heart to force the matter, even though her main reason was for him to be around the first friends he'd had here.
He finally arrived at his car and grabbed his duffel bag out of the trunk. Then he slowly walked back, hoping Maria would be finished by the time he returned.