Chapter Text
Lan Xichen smiled as politely as he could, considering the circumstances.
“I have to say, when I was told I had a visitor, you are the last person I might have expected to see.”
This was answered by a distant, polite smile and another bow from Nie Huaisang.
“I did not expect that I would get to see you, Zewu-Jun,” he admitted. “But I had to try regardless. May I sit?”
Absolutely not, was Lan Xichen’s first instinct, and from this point on, he would insist that no guest be brought to him until he had been given their name. He had had so few visitors these last three years that he had never felt the need for wariness. This had just changed.
Still, since Nie Huaisang was already there, and he was a sect leader, it would have been rude to send him away. Lan Xichen motioned for him to take a seat, which Nie Huaisang did with careful grace.
“Is there anything you wanted to talk about?” Lan Xichen asked, serving the tea that had been brought along with his unwanted guest. “I doubt you still seek my advice after everything that has happened.”
Nie Huaisang’s smile did not falter as he took the glass of tea offered to him, turning even that simple gesture elegant.
“I have taken it upon myself to visit some of my old…” he hesitated for a brief moment. “Some of my old acquaintances. I came to Cloud Recesses to see Wei Wuxian, but since he’s absent I thought I might try and make the best of my trip by asking to see you.”
“How thoughtful of you. What prompted this, I wonder? Nostalgia?”
The younger man sipped on his tea silently, and put down his glass on the table with barely a faint click as the ceramic touched wood.
“Regrets, if you can believe it.”
“I’m not sure I can,” Lan Xichen replied with a bitterness he could not quite contain. “Please be honest. I think I deserve this, coming from you.”
The distant smile on Nie Huaisang’s smile wavered, but remained. How had Lan Xichen never realised how perfectly in control that boy always was? Even the faint trembling at the corner of his lips might have been faked.
“No, I don’t suppose you would believe me,” Nie Huaisang graciously conceded. “I have earned your distrust. Still, I will say this: I am sorry for what happened. If I could have found another way, I would have. You…" he paused, either unsure of his words. Or pretending to be at least. "You were kind to me, and I would have preferred not to see you hurt."
Lan Xichen stared at the younger man, wondering how much of this was sincere and how much was an affectation. If he had learned one thing from this disaster, it was that Nie Huaisang was an unprecedented actor who had no time for remorse.
"Clever as you've proven to be, I'm surprised you found no other way to bring justice to your family," Lan Xichen replied.
"Peace, not justice," Nie Huaisang protested, something shining briefly in his eyes before he could control it. "My brother's soul deserved to be brought to rest. You knew him, Zewu-Jun. Do you think he would have been satisfied with anything less than the death of his enemy? If the killer had been anyone but Lianfang-Zun, wouldn't you have praised me for doing this?"
Lan Xichen's grip on his glass tightened. Three years had passed, but his mind still struggled to reconcile his private image of Jin Guangyao with what had been revealed to the world. To have it thrown in his face once more was a hard blow.
"Ah, that was uncalled for," Nie Huaisang said, frowning but not so much it would distort his features. Even in acting, there was a vanity to him. "I came here to apologise, but in the end I am only hurting you again. Perhaps I had better leave you alone."
"Perhaps. A question, first. That day, in Guanyin temple. What did you really see?"
Lan Xichen did not expect an answer to that question, but found Nie Huaisang looking right at him, an air of rare determination on his face. On someone else, it might have passed for a moment of sincerity.
"You answer this first: if he had lived, what would have happened to Lianfang-Zun? Would he have been brought to any sort of justice? Or would he have been allowed to hide in seclusion, never paying for his crimes?”
He paused, giving Lan Xichen a chance to answer. Faced between the option to lie or to comfort Nie Huaisang in his decision, Lan Xichen chose silence.
“I did what I had to do, Zewu-Jun. I cannot say I made the right choice… But I doubt I made the wrong one either.”
That was as close to an admission of guilt as Lan Xichen would ever get out of Nie Huaisang. The younger man had manipulated him into killing his oldest friend, there was no longer any doubt possible… not that Lan Xichen had doubted very much in the first place. Jin Guangyao had said he would never have hurt him, and that was something Lan Xichen believed to be true. He had to hold on to something, and he held on to this: Jin Guangyao, whatever else he had been to the rest of the world, had been his friend. He would not have attacked Lan Xichen.
"I think it's time for you to leave," Lan Xichen announced, struggling to remain polite. "It is getting late, and the road is long to Gusu."
Taking this as the firm dismissal that it was, Nie Huaisang rose up, only for his legs to tremble under him and his face to turn deathly pale. He bent over as if he might fall, prompting Lan Xichen to reach out for him, but regained control of himself just in time.
"I stood too quickly," he said with a small smile, his tone indicating this wasn't an uncommon occurrence. "Thank you for seeing me today, Zewu-Jun. I won't take any more of your time. I am happy I got to see you again, though I doubt it will happen again. Farewell, brother. I hope someday, your pain will fade."
"Goodbye," Lan Xichen replied, upset by this fake demonstration of weakness and refusing to partake in whatever dramatic demonstration was going on. He would leave his seclusion someday, and meet Nie Huaisang at discussion conferences if nothing else. No need for a farewell. "Have a safe trip home."
Perhaps, after Nie Huaisang had gone, Lan Xichen stared at the door, wondering how the sweet, innocent boy who used to care for nothing but fans and pretty birds turned into that man who lied and used others to kill…
Or perhaps he refused to let his mind wander on such a path, so he wouldn't have to see who might have inspired such a change.
Nie Huaisang did not leave Cloud Recesses. As he reached the gate, he had met Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, who had insisted on having him as a guest. At least, so the servants said in the morning, bringing to Lan Xichen both his breakfast and daily news. It was unpleasant to think of that young man still in his home, but he supposed his brother might have felt a debt of gratitude. Lan Xichen decided he would keep to himself that he had tried to send away Nie Huaisang. It might upset Lan Wangji… or it might not, which would be worse. It would have been Wei Wuxian’s idea to keep his old schoolmate around, and Lan Wangji indulged him in everything.
It was not a great surprise when that night, Lan Xichen received a visit from his brother. That Wei Wuxian had tagged along was more unusual, but not as unwelcome as it might have been, earlier into his seclusion.
The topic of conversation that Wei Wuxian chose was definitely unexpected though.
“How well versed are you on the topic of curses?” he asked, as casually as he would enquire about the weather.
“Likely not as well as you, but I will help if I can," Lan Xichen replied, pouring tea for all three of them. "Why do you ask?”
Wei Wuxian opened a box of cakes that they had bought on their trip. "I've been questioned about a very odd curse. Never seen it before. Could something very old, could be something brand new… but it’s unusual for sure.”
Wei Wuxian should have looked delighted at the perspective of a mystery to solve, even one that was putting someone in danger. He could be a little careless about such things, although to his credit, he usually tried to avoid letting people suffer unnecessarily even while he was having fun. The seriousness on his face was out of character to say the least.
“It is rare for you to be stumped that way,” Lan Xichen commented. “How serious is the curse?”
Wei Wuxian shrugged, grabbing a glass of tea for himself and pushing another towards his husband.
“Hard to say. From what I can tell, something is making that man's meridians close off. He’s already lost most of his spiritual energy, and his golden core will be under attack soon. He has a few weeks left at best, then he'll likely die. He'll get more time if I can find a way to slow it. I’m sure I will. Still, it’s a nasty thing to do to someone.”
Lan Xichen stared. As far as curses went, this one sounded particularly cruel to say the least. Someone must have hated that man a great deal to inflict such a fate on him.
“Does he have suspicions as to the perpetrator?” Lan Xichen asked, suddenly hit by an unpleasant intuition regarding the victim, yet unwilling to ask directly. If Wei Wuxian had given no name, it might have been meant to remain a secret.
“He’s not too sure,” Wei Wuxian replied, with something almost wistful to his voice that secured Lan Xichen’s suspicions. “He thinks it’s likely someone from Lanling Jin sect. He had some dealings with Jin Guangyao and there’s always someone to miss the tyrant.”
“Wei Ying,” his husband said, glancing at his brother. Wei Wuxian grimaced.
“Right, right. I just meant that power changes are always bad for someone, and there’s probably a few people out there who wish the truth hadn’t been revealed. Jin Ling is quite determined to set things right in his sect, too, so a few people have lost a lot. No surprise someone would want revenge.”
What went around, came around, Lan Xichen thought. If the cursed man really was Nie Huaisang… With everything that he had done in the name of revenge, he could only blame himself if he suffered the same fate.
But that was perhaps an unkind thought to have. Jin Guangyao too had deserved his death, by that logic. And while he had ruthlessly put countless lives in danger, Nie Huaisang had only caused the death of two men whose actions had been… reprehensible. Some of that had been sheer luck though. Children could have died in Yi City, and a number of cultivators were seriously harmed in the Second Siege of the Burial Mounds. Nie Huaisang had only been lucky that Wei Wuxian had been around to save the day… though since he’d orchestrated his return, perhaps calling it luck was inexact.
Still, there was Mo Xuanyu then, and Qin Su, two truly innocent victims. A proof that Nie Huaisang was as bad as the man whose death he had provoked… though perhaps still not bad enough to deserve that curse. It sounded like such a cruel thing to do, made worse by the common knowledge that Nie Huaisang’s cultivation had always been somewhat… lacking. He wouldn’t have had the strength to resist what was happening to him and it would have overcome him very fast. How else to explain he was already so close to the end when he came looking for help?
“Well, we won’t bother you anymore,” Wei Wuxian sighed. “I hoped maybe you’d have an idea what could be happening to him. I guess I’ll just have to do my own research.”
“I imagine such a mystery would pick your interest.”
Wei Wuxian’s face did something weird, something between a smile and a grimace.
“I could have done without that one,” he muttered. “That little idiot is…”
“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji interrupts softly.
If Lan Xichen hadn’t been here, he was sure his brother would have reached out to comfort his husband. They avoided showing their love in front of him, though he’d heard they’re quite shameless about it around everyone else. Lan Xichen suspected they had the wrong idea about him and Jin Guangyao, that they were trying to be considerate.
In a kinder world, one that had not so strongly twisted Jin Guangyao’s mind when it came to intimacy… but this was not the world they had lived in. Jin Guangyao would never have allowed anything that could brand him as being too much like his mother, so Lan Xichen never asked. He had long thought that they both wanted it, though. Now, after everything, Lan Xichen wasn’t even sure of that. If Jin Guangyao had only used his affection to blind him…
“We’ll come visit again some other time,” Wei Wuxian promised. “Well, I’m sure your brother will. I fear I’ll be too busy for a while.”
After his brother had left with his husband, Lan Xichen attempted to meditate. It had been his main occupation these last three years, and would likely remain so until he felt ready to rejoin the world. Soon, probably. It was unfair to leave so many responsibilities on Lan Wangji’s shoulders. Besides, Lan Xichen was coming to the slow realisation that meditation was doing little to assuage the guilt of what had happened at Guanyin temple. A different approach might be worth a try. Drowning himself in work, the way his brother had done to deal with his own loss, was starting to become an attractive option. If nothing else, it might exhaust him enough that the nightmares would no longer matter.
That night, as expected, meditation only served to make him restless. Well past the accepted Lan bedtime, Lan Xichen gave up on finding any peace and decided to go for a walk around Cloud Recesses. He liked seeing his home in the moonlight, quieter than ever, the details drowned in darkness so it was less obvious how new the buildings still looked. He could almost have pretended nothing wrong had ever happened in this beautiful place, that there had been no fire, no death, no pain. It would be a pleasant lie to imagine, but a lie nonetheless.
Lan Xichen decided to leave behind the buildings, and with them the temptation of lying to himself. He had no precise goal in mind, but found himself coming near one of the ponds. To his surprise, there was already someone there. A slender figure sitting in the grass, gazing upon the water.
“I see you have not gone to Gusu after all,” Lan Xichen noted, coming closer.
Nie Huaisang startled at his voice, but did not turn to look at him.
“Do you want me to go?” he asked, his eyes firmly set on the water.
“It is past curfew,” Lan Xichen replied. “But we make exceptions for guests.”
“I meant do you want me to leave Cloud Recesses,” Nie Huaisang clarified. “I imagine it’s unpleasant to know I am here.”
It was, certainly, though at least Lan Xichen’s seclusion meant he had a good excuse to avoid this new guest of theirs. And yet, there they were.
“It might be unwise. Do you not need Wei Wuxian’s treatments?”
“He seems to think so,” Nie Huaisang said lightly, as if it did not concern him what Wei Wuxian might want in this case.
It would have been easy then to leave him alone. A day earlier, Lan Xichen would have continued his walk, or returned home to meditate and try to forget this unpleasant encounter. A day earlier, he hadn’t known that Nie Huaisang was dying and likely looking for his own murderer.
“You came to see me yesterday. Do you suspect me of inflicting this curse upon you?”
At last Nie Huaisang turned around, propping himself on one arm and opening his fan in a vain effort to hide his laughter.
“You? Zewu-Jun, as if you could even want to hurt someone that way!”
“I would have said the same of you, once.”
Nie Huaisang’s laughter died down, but he remained hidden behind his fan.
“But we are different you and I, Zewu-Jun. You are a good man, while I... was never what I should have been. I used to wonder what that must be like.”
“To be good?” Lan Xichen asked, fighting the urge to point how he wasn’t. He’d let people suffer around him. He’d had blood on his hand, long before Guanyin temple. Everyone who took part in the Sunshot Campaign did, but as a commander Lan Xichen had to bear the weight of losing the men who served under his orders as well as those enemies he killed himself.
“To be able to trust,” Nie Huaisang corrected, raising the fan until only his eyes showed. “I’m not very skilled at that, I must say. It comes slowly to me, and in the end the one I’ve trusted the most was… unworthy of it.”
Lan Xichen thought of the way Jin Guangyao, after being accepted at Carp Tower, never saw Nie Huaisang without bringing him a present of some sort, how he took a keen interest in what the boy loved, how he tried more than once to convince Nie Mingjue to accept that his little brother would never be as fierce as him. At the time, Lan Xichen had taken it as a mark of kindness or pity for a boy who cowered in the shadow of a great man, and knew Nie Huaisang might have felt the same.
But perhaps none of those gestures had ever been about Nie Huaisang. What surer way could there be of angering Nie Mingjue than to encourage everything he disliked in his brother? Even if it had been genuine at the time, the memories would be tainted by doubt. Just as Lan Xichen’s were.
“I am sorry for being so chatty,” Nie Huaisang sighed, closing his fan and playing with it. “I’ll be returning to my room shortly.”
“I can walk you there,” Lan Xichen offered, out of habit. Cloud Recesses was an easy place to get lost in, especially in the dark.
The offer made Nie Huaisang tense so violently that it had to be genuine. No one could be that good of an actor… or could they?
“Please don’t take that pain,” Nie Huaisang said quietly. “I was thinking of sitting here a little longer.”
He sounded perfectly calm, but the hand holding his fan couldn’t contain a small tremor.
Lan Xichen thought back of their conversation the day before, the way Nie Huaisang had nearly collapsed at the end and treated it as something perfectly normal. The curse was attacking his meridians, Wei Wuxian had said, and had nearly blocked off all of them. If that was true (and Wei Wuxian would have checked, so it had to be) then it was already nothing short of a miracle that Nie Huaisang had made it from the Unclean Realm to Cloud Recesses.
Lan Xichen, in spite of himself, found that he pitied that young man sitting in the grass. Nobody deserved that sort of death.
“If you cannot get up on your own, I’ll help,” Lan Xichen offered, holding out his hand.
Nie Huaisang did not take it.
“I would have thought you’d had enough of helping me by now,” he retorted, sounding almost like the sad boy who kept running to Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao for advice. “You don’t have to force yourself, Zewu-Jun. I’ll manage.”
Lan Xichen ignored his protest and grabbed him by the arm, pulling him to his feet with more ease than he’d have expected. Nie Huaisang, always slender, weighed nothing. That was for the best, because his trembling legs could not support him and he fell against Lan Xichen’s chest, clinging to his robe with what little strength he had.
“You didn’t need to do that!” he complained, the words muffled against the fabric. “I could have done it on my own, I just need to do it… a little slower than that.”
To prove his point, Nie Huaisang tried to push himself away from Lan Xichen, only to lose his balance. He would have collapsed if the older man hadn’t grabbed his arm and pulled him back against him, his arms around the younger man’s waist so he wouldn’t fall again.
“Perhaps you should not wander alone if the curse affects you so much,” Lan Xichen scolded him, falling easily into old habits now that the younger man was in his arms. They had sometimes had to hold Nie Huaisang in that manner, right after his brother’s death, when he was still half a boy and didn’t know how to handle his new responsibilities. Or had he already guessed at the truth, was he already playing with their emotions a decade earlier?
“I really am fine!” Nie Huaisang protested. “If I don’t move too quickly, it’s… it’s not that big of a deal. And if I fall somewhere… does it really matter?”
“What do you mean?”
“I have no regrets, my sect will be taken care of,” Nie Huaisang said, his voice hollow. “My brother’s head disciple will finally have the title that he deserves and we’ve started taking steps to see if he can be spared from Qi deviation. I have no family left to cry for me. No friends I haven’t alienated when I used them as pawns. And I knew that my life would be short. It always is for leaders of the Nie sect. I could avoid my sabre, but fate caught up anyway.”
“Are you really satisfied with that?”
“No," Nie Huaisang retorted hotly, his mask dropping for a second to reveal an expression that wouldn't have been out of place on his brother's face. He soon regained his composure, smiling almost as sweetly as before. "Nobody wants to die, and I’m not different. But if it must happen, I need to make my peace with it. I cannot risk…”
He shuddered in Lan Xichen’s arms, another reaction that felt genuine.
“Your brother’s fate was exceptional,” Lan Xichen remarked. “You would not return in the manner he did. You might not die at all,” he added after some hesitation. “Wei Wuxian sounded confident that he could lift the curse.”
“Wei Wuxian thinks he can solve everything if he just tries hard enough,” Nie Huaisang muttered. “Maybe he could have, if I came earlier.”
“How long have you known you were cursed?”
“Long enough,” Nie Huaisang replied. “I thought I had more time, but being an inadequate cultivator has always been my weakness.” He sighed. “You can let me go now, I don’t think I will fall again.”
With a reluctance he couldn’t quite explain, Lan Xichen did as he was asked. Nie Huaisang straightened his back and smoothed his robes, once more the perfect picture of careless elegance he liked to present to the world rather than the sick man he’d been only a second before. Lan Xichen could have doubted that there was anything wrong with Nie Huaisang if not for his unnatural lightness when he’d caught him and the very sincere worry of Wei Wuxian.
“You can resume your walk without worries,” Nie Huaisang said in a bubbly voice. “I’ll find my way to my rooms and get ready to go tomorrow. Thank you for your kind help, and goodnight.”
Lan Xichen nodded at that, but when Nie Huaisang started walking he followed him. In case he fell, or in case he had some less honest reason to want to be alone in Cloud Recesses at this late hour. Even half dying, Nie Huaisang was not someone to be trusted. The young man took no offence at having a companion, and simply started chatting aimlessly, complimenting how pretty Cloud Recesses looked in this season, mentioning he couldn’t wait to get to Carp tower and see again the gardens there, complaining that he hadn’t been able to paint lately. It was the same sort of chatter he had always favoured when he was young, and it made Lan Xichen wonder if Nie Huaisang was trying to distract him from something, or if he too sometimes fell prey to nostalgia.
The servants had already brought his breakfast and left when there was a knock on lan Xichen’s door. It was highly unusual, especially at that hour of the day. His uncle and brother preferred to come in the late afternoon, when their daily duties were over, and he could not imagine anyone else coming unannounced. He wondered briefly if perhaps Nie Huaisang had returned, but could not imagine why he would do that.
His wondering ended when Wei Wuxian came inside without waiting for an invitation. He looked somewhat breathless, as if he’d been running. Odd when that was the one rule he made real efforts to respect, since it was the one most visible when broken.
“Good morning, Wuxian. May I help you with something?”
“Maybe. Nie Huaisang appears to have left without telling anyone. Aside from servants and the guard on duty, you’re the last person who saw him. Did he say anything about his plans?”
They must have been seen the night before as they walked back to the guest quarters. Disciples had all been asleep at that late hour, but servants sometimes stayed up part of the night if they were busy enough. They would have also seen Nie Huaisang leave, but known not to question the actions of a high ranking guest so long as he did not break any rules.
“I believe he mentioned Lanling a few times,” Lan Xichen provided. “Didn’t you say the curse’s caster might be from the Jin sect?”
“It’s our best guess. That little… Since when is he a morning person?” Wei Wuxian lamented. “He used to be as late to class as I was, how dare he grow out of that! Here I was with a great plan to help him, and he had to disappear!”
“You found a way to stop the curse?”
Wei Wuxian shrugged.
“Hm. Somewhat? I have a theory to test, but I can’t do it alone and Lan Wangji’s busy today, and Sizhui’s gone with Jingyi on a night hunt and…” he grimaced. “Zewu-Jun, do you have anyone to recommend in the sect that has a high level of cultivation and would accept to help with an experiment? I’ve got an idea on how I could help Nie Huaisang but I can’t use my own spiritual energy, it leans too hard on the yin side.”
Lan Xichen considered what was asked, and frowned. There were many disciples and elders with a high cultivation level, but most of them were merely tolerating Wei Wuxian’s presence out of deference for Lan Wangji. Asking them to help him with his latest mad idea would likely result in failure, even with a life on the line.
He thought of Nie Huaisang, light as a bird in his arms, that brief moment of fierceness when he’d admitted he didn’t want to die. Lan Xichen had spent years pitying that boy. It was a hard habit to break out of.
“I’ll do it,” he offered. “Let me just take my sword and we can go after him. I doubt he’ll have gone very far in his state.”
“You don’t have to,” Wei Wuxian protested without conviction. “I’ll find someone else, or I’ll go bother Lan Zhan. Nobody would blame you for refusing in this case.”
Ignoring him, Lan Xichen took Shuoyue from the display on which it had hung untouched those last three years.
“Chifeng-Zun would not forgive me if I abandoned his brother in this hour of need, and I’ve failed my sworn brother enough.”
“Sure sure, but… are you really going to break your seclusion for this?”
Lan Xichen froze. He hadn’t even thought of that. It was one thing to occasionally wander at night when nobody could see him, and quite another to leave the limits of the Cloud Recesses. They might need to go as far Gusu where he would be seen and recognised.
“These are exceptional circumstances,” he replied, grabbing a warm outer robe. “It does not have to mean my seclusion is over.”
True as that was, it felt like a lie. If Lan Xichen stepped out of his house in broad daylight, he doubted he would return to this isolation. After three years of regrets and doubts, perhaps the time for action had returned.
They caught up with Nie Huaisang riding his horse a little before Gusu. He ignored them when Wei Wuxian called his name, but was forced to stop his horse when his old schoolmate jumped from his sword right in front of it.
“How rude! Huaisang, since when are you so rude!” Wei Wuxian complained. “Leaving without saying goodbye!”
“I have business to attend,” Nie Huaisang countered with a frown, “and I did not want to wait for you to wake up. I hadn’t realised you had adopted the Cloud Recess hours, or I would certainly have dropped to see you.”
“You’re a liar, Huaisang, but I’m used to that. So where are you going on this fine morning?"
"None of your business, master Wei, but I know you'll pester me so… I'm headed for Carp Tower."
Wei Wuxian gasped in mock surprise, as if Lan Xichen hadn't already told him that.
“You’re travelling alone. All the way to Lanling. On a horse.”
“I’ll take no comments on my horse from someone who uses a donkey.”
“At least I’m not alone when I do it,” Wei Wuxian retorted with a grin a touch too wide. “I have my strong, handsome husband to protect me. You are an idiot and a child could knock you over and steal your money right now. How did they allow you to travel alone from Qinghe?”
“I’m still their sect leader,” Nie Huaisang retorted with a hint of annoyance. “If I make a decision, it has to be obeyed. Remarkable how that works. Now can you please let go of my horse? I have a long way to go.”
Wei Wuxian tightened his grasp on the reins and pulled on them, prompting the horse to start walking.
“We’re just going to Gusu," he said lightly, ignoring Nie Huaisang’s glare. "It's not far, and we'll get a room at some inn and you will let me see what I can do for you. A nice day out between friends!"
"I remember days in Gusu with you," Nie Huaisang complained, now refraining a smile. "They've never ended well, not once. I wonder who you'll ask to copy the rules of Cloud Recesses for you now?"
"Lan Zhan has come up with different ways to deal with me when I misbehave," Wei Wuxian shamelessly replied with a grin that made Lan Xichen blush. "Besides, we're not getting drunk or setting things on fire this time, just doing some medical research… And Zewu-Jun is here to keep us in check, eh ?"
Nie Huaisang tensed, and kept his eyes on Wei Wuxian. In fact, Lan Xichen realised the other sect leader hadn't looked his way a single time since they caught up with him.
"There's no need for all of this," Nie Huaisang whined in that pitiful tone he once used to get help from Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao. "I'm doing just fine, there's no need for you two to be here. You've made sure I'm fine, you can return to Cloud Recesses now!"
"Huaisang, you're rude again !" Wei Wuxian protested, sounding moments away from laughing. "We came all this way for you! I didn't sleep at all last night because I worked on your problem, and Lan Xichen offered to help too when I explained, but now you're treating us like this!"
“Zewu-jun volunteered?” Nie Huaisang asked, finally acknowledging Lan Xichen and looking at him curiously. “Why?”
“Call it a sense of duty," Lan Xichen offered, still unsure himself. "Someone had to help, and I am one of the few people who trust Wei Wuxian.”
Nie Huaisang frowned at that answer, clearly displeased by it. He had been unhappy enough the night before the rely on Lan Xichen, this had to be worse yet if he still resented the man who hadn’t managed to prevent his brother’s death.
"You don't have to do this," Nie Huaisang said. "I'm not as bad off as he says. Master Wei likes to be dramatic."
"And I like to help. We all have our faults."
Nie Huaisang looked away, his expression tight.
"Fine. I'll let you people run experiments on me. If it doesn't work and I die, I'll return to haunt you, Wei Wuxian."
They entered the first inn they found in Gusu, letting Nie Huaisang pay for the room since neither Wei Wuxian nor Lan Xichen had thought of bringing money with them. Once they were in private, Wei Wuxian launched himself in a long speech about his thoughts on that curse and how to undo it. He lost himself on wild tangents several times, but Lan Xichen still felt he somewhat understood his brother-in-law’s theory.
In short, Wei Wuxian thought that since negative energies were clogging up Nie Huaisang’s meridians and slowly rendering them useless, there was a chance that shocks of positive energies at the right places might slow the progression of the curse. It might even stop it entirely or better yet, reverse the damage already done if they did this particularly well.
“I’m glad you’re willing to help, Zewu-Jun,” Wei Wuxian concluded. “Aside from Lan Zhan, I can’t think of anyone with enough control of their spiritual energy to do this, and precision will be key. You need to hit exactly the right points on his meridians. We’ll start with very light energy boosts, to make sure it doesn’t make things worse. Now… Huaisang, can you please undress?”
Nie Huaisang hesitated and paled, glancing at Lan Xichen.
“I did not agree to that. I’d rather keep my clothes on, if possible.”
“Not possible. Zewu-Jun needs to know exactly where he’s sending the energy. Come on, it’s not the first time I’ll see you naked. Remember that time we sneaked alcohol in Cloud Recesses and…”
“Yes, yes, fine!” Nie Huaisang cut him, hurriedly attacking the ties of his robes. “I had forgotten how annoying you could be.”
Before long, he was wearing only his trousers. Wei Wuxian did not order for those to go, for which Lan Xichen was grateful. The situation was odd enough already.
Both Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen sat on the bed while Wei Wuxian stood before them. He grabbed his old schoomate’s arm and started pressing various points on it, stopping sometimes to tell Lan Xichen to share his energy at a particular place.
With each new impulse of spiritual energy, Nie Huaisang let out a new pained gasp and trembled under Lan Xichen's hands. It seemed to work though. The younger man's cheeks had lost their pallor and were a shade of red that made him look far more alive, just as every bit of skin that Lan Xichen touched warmed up instantly.
"Not bad," Wei Wuxian said when they were done and he tested the results. "Guess my idea was great after all. How are you feeling?"
Nie Huaisang gingerly flexed his fingers, frowning at his hands.
"I guess it doesn't hurt as much as before," he conceded. "It'll be easier to reach Lanling now, thank you."
"Sure it will be," Wei Wuxian retorted, grabbing his friend's robes and throwing them at his face. "But that's because I'm coming with you."
"No you're not!"
"Yes, I am. You're my patient now, I get to pester you and boss you around," Wei Wuxian exclaimed, grinning as if he'd been on the wrong end of that deal too many times and couldn't wait to get revenge. "Huaisang, you'll have to be good. No alcohol…"
"You're the drunkard, not me! And you're not coming! You always make problems when you're in Carp Tower, and this is important. I must see Jin Rulan to… talk about certain things."
"Well, you should have thought of that before bringing me back. It's your fault I'm here, so I'm your problem now… And as such I'm tagging along with you to Carp Tower."
At the mention of his role in Wei Wuxian’s return, Nie Huaisang tensed noticeably. At least, it was hard to miss for Lan Xichen who was still sitting close to him.
“You’re Lan Wangji’s problem I’d say,” Huaisang retorted. “I’m not risking him thinking I kidnapped you. Go home, and leave me alone.”
“It’s fine, Zewu-Jun will explain the situation. A little separation is good sometimes, it’ll remind him why he’s happy to have me around.”
“We will write a letter then,” Lan Xichen said. “I think it would be wiser if I came too.”
The other two men stared at him in shock. It was always fun to surprise Wei Wuxian, so for that alone the decision was worth it. Mostly though, he couldn’t shake off that old pity for Nie Huaisang, and seeing him weak and half naked had reawakened an old protectiveness. Whatever bad blood there was between them, this was still the brother of his sworn brother. He owed this to Nie Mingjue.
He owed it to Nie Huaisang himself, who should have been able to come to Lan Xichen and trust him with what he had discovered so they could demand for justice in broad daylight, instead of being forced to act alone in the shadows.
“You really don’t have to,” Nie Huaisang protested, tensing again.
“But it’s very appreciated if you do!” Wei Wuxian quickly added. “Come on Huaisang, it’ll be fun. There’s nothing like a little adventure with a Jade brother to discover a lot about yourself! Look at me, I got a husband out of it! I wonder what you might find?”
Nie Huaisang glared at his old friend, something passing silently between that made Wei Wuxian’s smile wider and Nie Huaisang’s frown deeper. It had to be some old joke they once shared, or some secret mischief that Wei Wuxian was quietly threatening to use as leverage if his friend did not behave.
The second was more likely, because suddenly Nie Huaisang stopped fighting.
“I will regret this,” he sighed, glaring at Wei Wuxian and refusing to look at Lan Xichen. “But if I regret it, you’ll regret it too. I still have dirt on you, Wei Wuxian.”
“For shame! I’m only trying to help, learn a little gratefulness! But… what dirt, exactly?”
While these two laughed and bickered, Lan Xichen left the room and went to borrow some paper and ink from the inn-keeper. Knowing Lan Wangji, his brother had probably realised by then that Wei Wuxian was missing, so it was urgent to assure him that his husband was fine. He wouldn’t be happy at the separation, since Lan Xichen had it on good authority that these two were rarely appart nowadays, but he would likely respect his husband’s decision.
That, or he’d drop everything and catch up with them to keep an eye on Wei Wuxian.
It was not unpleasant to be travelling this way, Lan Xichen decided after a few days. He hadn’t realised before, but he had missed being out in the open and seeing unfamiliar sights. He had also missed having company, even though Wei Wuxian and Nie Huaisang made little effort to include him in their conversations. Just hearing them reminisce about their youth was fun. Lan Xichen had always known that these two had been at the heart of a lot of mischief when they were guest disciples, but he’d never imagined how wild they had been. If his uncle were there to hear this, he’d first have an attack, then run to add another thousand rules to the ones they already had. Who knew teenagers could have such a devious imagination?
It must have been nice to be this carefree. Between his father’s seclusion, his uncle’s expectation, and his brother to take care of, Lan Xichen had never really had much time for this. The most he’d ever gotten away with was Night Hunts with Nie Mingjue (with the later addition of Meng Yao) and however fun that had been, it had nothing on whatever Nie Huaisang and Wei Wuxian were whispering and sniggering about.
However cheerful they were during the day, the two younger men would grow more serious at night. Whether they slept in an inn or under the open sky, the three of them always took a moment to pursue the treatment of Nie Huaisang’s curse. To Wei Wuxian's credit, his plan was working perfectly. After a few days, Nie Huaisang had already recovered enough that his spells of dizziness diminished in frequency and strength. He still couldn't use his spiritual energy, and Wei Wuxian firmly discouraged him from trying lest he ruined all his progress, but at least he could walk more easily and his hands no longer trembled.
By the time they finally arrived in Lanling, Lan Xichen had grown used to his part in countering the curse. He knew how to check which meridians were most in danger of becoming blocked again, and could decide more accurately than Wei Wuxian how much energy to send through them. He had even become used to the sight of Nie Huaisang half naked, though he could tell the other man still struggled a little with being so exposed. When they got an inn in Lanling and Wei Wuxian ran off to handle some business of his own, stating he wasn't needed, Nie Huaisang tried to protest and to call him a bad doctor. By then, his old friend had already left, dropping him alone with Lan Xichen. Conscious of the awkwardness of being alone and sitting together on a bed, Lan Xichen decided it would be kind to attempt some small talk.
“Is it rude to ask why you want to go to Carp Tower?” he asked, pressing one finger on the other man's shoulder to check how his energies were moving there.
“You’ve been dragging into this, so no,” Nie Huaisang sighed, looking at the window on the other wall. “You might be disappointed to learn why, but with this curse hitting me, I’ve been forced to… reconsider some things. I don’t feel remorse but I have… regrets. I did what I had to do, but some of the people I’ve hurt did not deserve it. So when it became clear there was no saving me, I thought I would go and present my apologies to these people.”
Lan Xichen nodded, moving his hands from the shoulder to the chest, noting how hard the other man's heart beating.
“Who are you going to see in Carp Tower?”
“Young Jin Rulan of course. I have not handled things very well where he was concerned, and I never meant for him to be in harm’s way. Then when I’m done with Carp Tower I’ll go to Laoling and meet the leader of the Qin Sect.”
Nie Huaisang paused, his body tensing under Lan Xichen’s hands, his heart thumping loud, his face still turned the other way.
“She was the only true innocent who died,” he said. “I didn’t realise… I knew she would be distressed by the truth, but I never expected for her to react that way. I thought… well, I thought wrong, obviously.”
Without realising, Lan Xichen had stopped moving. He remembered that night all too well, the despaired resolution of Qin Su, the shock and horror on Jin Guangyao's face as he lost his beloved wife… surely that had been real? He had cared for that woman, treating her as if she were the sun and moon to him. These two had held deep, sincere affection for each other, and yet it had all been based on a lie.
At least Jin Guangyao had been honourable enough never to touch her after he'd learned the truth and that made it… What? Better because her honour would have been sullied for sleeping with him before marriage? Worse because he probably hadn't even wanted her in the first place, only the position a good marriage would bring him? Lan Xichen had thought he knew he friend, once. It still hurt to realise how wrong he'd been.
"I doubt her father will see you," Lan Xichen said when he realised they had both been silent for a long while, checking Nie Huaisang right arm now. "I'm told he refuses to believe she wasn't his daughter."
"He raised her. She was his more than Jin Guangshan’s. Still, I have to try. Something good needs to come out of that stupid curse."
Lan Xichen rose from the bed so he could check the other side of Nie Huaisang’s body, starting again from his shoulder. He noticed that the other man immediately turned to look the other way, but did not comment on it.
"Does it hurt?" he asked, still hoping a little conversation would make the situation less tense.
"The curse or the remedy?"
"I had assumed both would be," Lan Xichen retorted with some surprise. "Judging by your reaction…"
Nie Huaisang tensed again, to the point it became difficult to find his meridians.
"You don't need to talk with me, Zewu-Jun," he said at last, his cheeks flushed. His face was tight and turned so far to the side it had to be uncomfortable. "I can only imagine how unpleasant this is for you. When we get to Carp Tower, I'll see if someone else can help me on the way to Laoling. I've disturbed you enough, I think."
I don't mind doing this, Lan Xichen almost replied. He only barely swallowed back the words, unsure why they had sprung to his mind, yet more uncertain why he couldn't bear to say them.
As Nie Huaisang requested, the rest of the treatment happened in silence, much to Xichen's chagrin. It made it harder to ignore that he was touching someone's skin, sometimes almost intimately. When he had to send pulses of energy inside Nie Huaisang’s thighs, the younger man's pained gasped started sounding like bitten down cries of pleasure. Without Wei Wuxian's chatter or his own small talk to hide, it was difficult to ignore those sounds.
It was a relief when at last, Wei Wuxian returned and put an end to that awkwardness. Still, Lan Xichen found he couldn't look Nie Huaisang in the eye for the rest of the evening.
The atmosphere of Carp Tower had changed in the three years since Lan Xichen's last visit. He was used to being welcomed as if he were a member of the main household, so being greeted by the guards like an ordinary visitor and having to state the reason for his visit was a slap in the face. Another reminder of what he had lost.
Wei Wuxian, on the other hand, provoked in those same guards a mix of dread and anticipation that was not uncommon in people having experienced his presence. When he announced that their group had come to see the head of the Jin Sect (Jin Ling he called him, as cavalier in this as he was in most things) one man ran ahead to warn the Sect Leader, but the three of them were also allowed inside without further questioning.
As they walked along the paths to the main buildings, Lan Xichen had to fight attacks of nostalgia. He had so often walked this road at Jin Guangyao's side that every bush, every tree, every stone seemed to carry memories of better days. He wondered what it said of his character that he missed the times when he had been ignorant of the dark deeds perpetrated by his closest friend. If he had not perpetrated evil himself, he had allowed for it to go unchecked. His crimes were different, but no lesser.
As they arrived to the main building, a servant came to welcome them and guide them to Jin Rulan's office. Meeting the young Sect Head was another shock for Lan Xichen. He had kept the memory of a teenager barely out of boyhood, petulant and wild, who constantly had to rely on the reputation of his uncles to get what he wanted. That boy had grown into a distinguished young man with the same handsome face as his father, though the calm resignation in the smile that flickered on his lips when he spotted Wei Wuxian might have come from his Jiang side.
"Sect Leader Nie, Wei Wuxian, what a surprise," Lan Rulan greeted them coldly with barely a nod, before turning to smile and bow at Lan Xichen. "Sect Leader Lan, I did not know you had ended your seclusion. It's a pleasure to have you here."
"I get a surprise and he gets a pleasure?" Wei Wuxian protested. "You are my worst nephew, Jin Ling. I can't wait for Jiang Cheng to get married and give me good, sweet nephews who'll respect me."
"I'll respect you when you earn it. Why did you come here anyway?"
Wei Wuxian nonchalantly pointed at Nie Huaisang who smiled as sweetly as he used to do for Jin Guangyao and bowed again.
"The fault is mine, Sect Leader Jin," he said. "I hope you do not mind, but I had an urgent need to talk with you and due to certain circumstances, it would have been difficult to travel alone. Wei Wuxian and Sect Leader Lan generously offered their help."
Wei Wuxian grinned at the phrasing, while Lan Xichen felt more tempted to frown. Nie Huaisang had fought tooth and nail to travel alone, and told them repeatedly that he would not require their company past Carp Tower, yet he could lie about that so easily.
It threw doubt on everything Nie Huaisang had said and done while they were travelling together, from his rekindled friendship with Wei Wuxian to his professed regrets. At this point the only thing Lan Xichen couldn't doubt was the curse, the effects of which he'd felt on the other man, but even that he wondered about. If he had a goal in mind, was Nie Huaisang so ruthless he'd risk his own life?
"What do you want to talk about, then?"
"Two things, Sect Leader Jin. The first is this: I want to formally apologise for the way some of my past actions have put you in danger. I made some wrongful assumptions on certain characters, and as a result you found yourself in harm's way. It never was my intention."
"You sent a band of children into the clutches of a man like Xue Yang and didn't think there was a risk?"
"Oh, I'm not sorry for that," Nie Huaisang protested with a small laugh. "Didn't you have the Yiling Patriarch, his Ghost General and the mighty Hanguang-Jun to protect you? That risk was perfectly calculated. It is your presence and endangerment at Guanyin temple that I regret. Your uncle was less capable of a honourable defeat than expected, and my brother's corpse more bent on taking his revenge. Though, of course, it all ended well anyway."
"Jin Guangyao might disagree," Jin Rulan retorted, echoing Lan Xichen's thoughts.
"Certainly, but his contentment was never a consideration," Nie Huaisang said with a voice too soft, a smile too sweet.
Lan Xichen shivered at that tone, and thought even Wei Wuxian looked a little uncomfortable at that. For a man who had come to say sorry, Nie Huaisang failed to appear apologetic.
"Well, that's the first reason of my presence taken care of," Nie Huaisang noted, his sweet smile morphing into something more serious. "Now here comes the important part. I have reasons to fear that some people faithful to your uncle are trying to avenge him, and since I know your position has been contested by some, I thought I should warn you. I do not think you are a likely target, but not warning you would be criminal."
Jin Rulan frowned at the news.
"A plot? And what makes you think that?"
"I have fallen prey to a curse after dealing with a very odd fierce corpse a few weeks ago," Nie Huaisang explained, his voice too light. "The corpse wore clothes typical of the Qinghe area, but nobody could identify that man. It was defeated by someone else, but when I came close to inspect it, it released a dark powder."
"Corpse poisoning?"
Nie Huaisang shook his head, playing with his closed fan. A nervous tick he'd always had, ever since he'd taken a fancy in fans. At least, Xichen had always taken it to be a sign of nervousness. Who knew anymore.
"We thought so," Nie Huaisang sighed. "But it struck me as odd that the poison wasn't released at any moment but when I touched it. Besides, the usual remedies did nothing and very soon some unusual effects started appearing. I lost first my spiritual power, then my physical strength and without some help…" he pointed his fan at Wei Wuxian and Lan Xichen "I would have found my life endangered. I realise it is a far stretch, but since most if the enemies I've made were linked to your uncle, I thought it prudent to warn you."
"Or perhaps you suspect me?" Jin Ling accused. "Someone like you must expect the worst of everyone, eh?"
With an elegant gesture, Nie Huaisang opened his fan and used it gracefully.
"Paranoia gets you nowhere," he remarked lightly. "I believe in knowing people and their motivations. I don't suspect you, Jin Rulan, because if you wanted me dead you'd be more straightforward about it… And more successful, I think. I'm here because I don't want you caught off guard if this is linked to your uncle."
There was some hesitation on Jin Rulan's face. He probably didn't realise what he was doing when he glanced at Wei Wuxian to silently ask for his opinion, which the older man gave in the shape of a shrug and a small nod.
"You can keep your shitty apology," Jin Rulan said. "I want more details on that curse though."
Nie Huaisang willingly obliged, describing with great precision everything that his sect and him had noticed about this corpse, how they found it, what distinctive signs it carried. When it came to talking about its poison, Wei Wuxian intervened to share his own observations, since Nie Huaisang had brought him some of the powder to study. They both suspected that the poison and its curse only worked on a chosen target, though it was a difficult theory to prove without endangering another life.
"You can always check our library," Jin Rulan offered. "We have some extensive volumes on poisons and curses especially since we raided the private collection of… a certain person."
Lan Xichen nodded lightly. Between what he had accumulated in his own right and the research accomplished by Xue Yang, Jin Guangyao must have had quite the hidden library. Lan Xichen had sometimes turned to him when confronted with a haunting or a curse too out of the ordinary. He regretted now that he’d never questioned the reason for his friend’s extensive knowledge on the darker sides of cultivation. What might he have seen, if he’d just thought to look?
Soon after, Jin Rulan dismissed them. He called for a servant to take Wei Wuxian to the library, and for some others to take Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen to the rooms that had always been theirs whenever they came to visit Jin Guangyao.
It was rather uncomfortable for Lan Xichen to be again between those walls and find that nothing had changed in those last three years. It felt as if at any moment, his sworn brother might come in, having taken care of his daily business and free for a long evening of discussion. Jin Guangyao had always seemed so happy when they could spend time together, but how much of that had been sincere, how much a ploy to keep Lan Xichen happy and distracted from his real intentions? He’d always known his friend was good at sweet talking after all, he’d seen him in action, calming down Nie Mingjue, begging for another last chance to prove his good faith, then another, and another, until he’d gotten rid of the one man who had openly opposed him. It was distressing to realise that the same skill had probably been used on Lan Xichen himself.
It was worse yet to accept that it was probably the reason why Nie Huaisan, once a sweet and innocent boy, had been forced to become as duplicitous as his enemy. He would have had no choice but to fight fire with fire once he decided that he had no one to trust.
Alone with no one to stand at his side, for so many years. Though he still resented what had happened, Lan Xichen’s heart ached for that young man who had done alone what few cultivators would have dared to do with strong allies. Jin Guangyao had had many enemies after all, and none had ever managed to shake his hold on the cultivation world, none but this soft spoken man whose only weapons had been patience, determination, and unparalleled intelligence.
If only Lan Xichen had been less blind...
It was too late to change the past; they had all made mistakes and caused pain to people they cared for… all Lan Xichen could hope for was to make better choices in the future.