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Lan Sizhui wakes up abruptly.
His eyes fly open but he doesn't move for the moment. He sees Lan Jingyi on the bed beside his, eyes open and looking back, confusion on his face.
Normally, this time of night the disciples dormitories are completely quiet save for the even breathing of the occupants, but not now. The heavy breathing, hitching and wobbly huffs drift through the room, along with shuffling that's probably intended to go unnoticed by others. It's coming from Jin Ling's bed, Sizhui notices, as he sees the silhouette of the Yunmeng disciple rise from his bed behind Lan Jingyi. He closes his eyes reflexively, not wanting to be caught in his wakefulness, but as soon as the doors to the room slide open, he sits up silently, throws off his blanket and turns to follow.
At the door he pauses for a brief moment. Lan Jingyi bumps into his shoulder, jostling him a little and he sends a quick glance at him before looking down the corridor, seeing the beige robes disappearing beyond a corner. He lights after Jin Ling, followed closely by Lan Jingyi. He's not sure he welcomes his friend's presence, but it's not like he gets a say in the matter.
They follow Jin Ling quietly, and he sends a brief thanks to Hanguang Jun for teaching them to travel in absolute silence. Even Lan Jingyi, who usually doesn't bother with stealth, makes no sound at all.
Finally, Jin Ling comes to a stop by a tree just outside the perimeter of buildings by the Library Pavilion. He stands for a moment, looking out into the more densely wooded areas beyond. It's so strange to see him without Fairy at his side; almost too lonely for comfort.
The Lan sect rules forbid keeping pets in the dormitories. Despite his standing in the cultivation world, Jin Ling had been unable to convince old Lan Qiren to let him bring Fairy with him into the sleeping quarters. The dog was to stay with Jin Ling's guardian, the Jiang sect leader, until all delegations ended and the two left.
Presently, Jin Ling crouches low, hugging his knees with his arms and still looking away. Lan Jingyi shoulders Sizhui briefly, and he looks over quizzically. The silent question he gets back makes him shrug. He doesn't know what they should do, either. They can't leave Jin Ling alone out here - it's against regulations, but showing themselves now just seems awkward.
A moment of thought passes over them, and then Lan Jingyi shrugs back and heads over, Sizhui hot on his heels. Neither of them is trying to mask his footsteps any longer, which alerts Jin Ling to their presence immediately, and he shoots to his full height again, turning to look behind him to see them.
He studies them for a brief moment. Sizhui thinks he sees red rimming his eyes, but that might also be a trick of the light. The grip Jin Ling has on his sword is tight. Even in the dim moonlight it's evident that he's shaking.
"Why are you stalking me," Jin Ling asks without preamble.
"It's forbidden to be awake at this hour," Sizhui says.
"It's my business if I break the regulations of Lan sect," he spits back.
"It's forbidden to leave the buildings area at night," Lan Jingyi adds, gesturing with his chin towards the wooded area just past the tree Jin Ling is standing next to.
"You Lan sect are so stuck on your rules," Jin Ling says, his expression darkening. "Leave me alone. If you want to tell on me then go ahead."
Sizhui glances at his friend, who looks right back at him. Neither of them particularly wants to get Jin Ling in trouble. Besides, if they tell on him, they'll have to answer to why they were awake, too.
"We won't tell on you," Lan Jingyi says, and for once he sounds more solemn than contrary. "We saw you leave the dormitories and wanted to check if you're okay. No need to be prickly about it."
"I'm okay, so leave me alone," Jin Ling says, but Sizhui gets a feeling it isn't as strong a demand as the words may convey.
"Jin Ling," he says, then hesitates when their eyes meet. Now's definitely not the time to leave him alone, he realizes. "Why are you awake at this hour? What happened?"
"It's none of your business!" Jin Ling answers, more forceful than he probably intends, though he doesn't show it. "I just didn't feel like sleeping!"
Lan Jingyi snaps his fingers in revelation. "You had a nightmare."
"You-" Jin Ling starts to reply, outraged, but then stops short for lack of how to retort. Somehow, Sizhui gets the feeling that Jin Ling isn't one to lie, even if it's to save face. He averts his gaze from them, biting his lip and saying nothing further.
Lan Jingyi and Sizhui step closer to Jin Ling then, meeting no resistance. Jin Ling turns towards the woods and stands very still. A gentle breeze rustles the leaves in waves, the undulating motion almost hypnotizing.
"When I was little, both of my parents passed away," Jin Ling says in a tone that seems detached from his body. "I don't remember their faces. I don't remember what they were like. All I remember is that I always loved my father's sword," he folds his arm and presses Suihua to his chest. "The sound of his laughter whenever I tried to drag it out of his hands…"
Lan Jingyi looks at Sizhui across from Jin Ling's left side. Sizhui doesn't know what to say, and doesn't think there is anything they could say at this time. When he looks at Jin Ling next, there's clear tear-trails down his face.
"Sometimes I-I wish it was- I wish it was-" Jin Ling stutters, reaching his free hand furiously wipe at his face. It doesn't seem to stop the flow of tears at all. His entire body is shaking, wracked with erratic breathing and barely stifled sobs.
"Jin Ling-" Lan Jingyi puts a tentative hand on his shoulder, but gets shrugged off immediately.
"Don't pity me," Jin Ling's voice is wobbly but firm. He presses the heels of his hands to his eyes until Sizhui starts worrying that he might hurt himself. "Don't look at me!"
When he was little, Sizhui remembers, he often cried for his parents during the Sunshot Campaign. Senior Wei used to scoop him right up and envelope him in a hug and let him cry for who even knew how long. After the Yiling Patriarch was no more, and Sizhui was rescued by Hanguang Jun, how many times did he cry, asking for uncle Wei to come back? How many times did Hanguang Jun crouch beside him and put his arms around him, letting him soak his pure white robes with tears and snot until he felt better?
Making up his mind, Sizhui reaches both arms and wraps them around Jin Ling's shoulders. Jin Ling freezes in his hold, but at least he stops trying to crush his own eyeballs momentarily. Sizhui tightens the hug slightly.
"What…" Jin Ling breathes as Sizhui shifts around to better hug him. He pats Jin Ling's shoulder firmly. Lan Jingyi is silent beside them and Sizhui can't even see his face from here, so he has no idea what his friend might be thinking right now, but he knows that when someone's crying, they need a hug.
Jin Ling lowers his hands to the sides of his body, letting them hang useless as he leans against Sizhui. It's the least contrary he's ever been, Sizhui muses, and adjusts the way he hugs him. He's warm against Sizhui's body, like how it feels to hug senior Wei or Hanguang Jun, only this time he's the one comforting, isn't he? He never realized how warm tears got as they soaked through his clothes at the shoulder. Jin Ling makes absolutely no sound, but the dampness belies that he is still crying.
"Do you want to talk about the nightmare?" Sizhui asks gently into the air, knowing Jin Ling would hear him. His spiritual energy is all over the place, and Sizhui wants to help him find his center again, but maybe the chaos needs to be expressed first.
"We can go to the Library Pavilion and have some tea?" Lan Jingyi suggests carefully from beside them.
"What are you doing?"
Sizhui pulls back from Jin Ling to look in the direction that voice came from. He sees Hanguang Jun standing a few paces from them, sword in hand and specless otherwise.
"Ah, Hanguang Jun, we're just escorting young master Jin," Lan Jingyi speaks up first.
Hanguang Jun's gaze slides from Lan Jingyi to Jin Ling, to Sizhui, who still has his arms around the former. In that instant, Jin Ling breaks away from him and takes a step back, his face pale. After a long drawn moment of awkward standing around, Hanguang Jun turns on his heels and starts walking towards the Library Pavilion. His step slow, regal, one hand clutched behind his back.
Sizhui exchanges a quick glance with Jin Ling and Lan Jingyi before they all move as one, following the Light Bearing Lord at a respectful distance.
Hanguang Jun leads them to the Library Pavilion and lets them inside. He waits for them to settle around one empty table and then looks to Sizhui. "Wait here," he says, then turns from them, leaving the Pavilion.
"Is he going to get Lan Qiren?" Jin Ling asks in a small voice. Sizhui notes he's still pale, a dejected look on his face as his eyes are set on his hands on the table. He reaches over and grabs Jin Ling's forearm, earning a distrustful glance.
"Wait and find out," Lan Jingyi says, shrugging when they look over to him. "It's not like there's anything we can do about it now."
"Hanguang Jun will be back soon," Sizhui says, contemplative as he pulls his hands from Jin Ling and leans his chin against his closed fist. "I guess we will face some punishment, but maybe we have some time to talk." When he looks to Jin Ling next, he catches him looking at Suihua in his hand.
"The person responsible for the death of my parents," Jin Ling nearly whispers, speaking to his sword, "lives here, in Cloud Recesses." His hand clenches tighter around the scabbard. "He died once, but now he's back, waltzing around and leading a happy life, while my parents lie dead. Jiujiu spent my entire life trying to find him, torturing anyone he thought could be him. He brought me up on his own. He-" just as tears start welling up again in Jin Ling's eyes and his voice becomes more choked and less intelligible, Sizhui reaches over to squeeze his shoulder.
Casting a quick glance to Lan Jingyi, Sizhui moves in again to wrap his arms around Jin Ling, who surprises him by leaning into it, pressing his face to his shoulder as if trying to hide. Sizhui pats his back again, wondering how long Jin Ling has been carrying this with him with no one to talk to about it. It takes him a moment to realize that Jin Ling is still talking against him.
"Causing the death of both my parents. Leaving me alone in the world with only Jiujiu to take care of me. Leaving the sect for his own reasons. Being a damn martyr so I can't even hate him. I can't even hate him…" a breath, "not even letting me have Fairy with me when he's around…"
The litany continues, uninterrupted for long minutes. Sizhui runs a comforting hand along Jin Ling's back the way A-Die used to do when he was just getting used to living in the Cloud Recesses. When the words subside, and the uneven breaths start having a more regular rhythm, he glances at Lan Jingyi, who has spent the whole time spacing out.
Before either of them can speak, though, Hanguang Jun walks into the Pavilion, carrying a rather large tray with assorted items on it. Sizhui gives two pats to Jin Ling's shoulder to get his attention. They part slowly, Sizhui ready to move back if needed, but Jin Ling looks drained by now.
The dot on the Jin successor's forehead is off-center, his hair a mess and his face red and blotchy, with puffy eyes and subdued air about him.
Hanguang Jun moves over and places the tray on the table. There is a pot of tea and some tea cups, a larger pot that smells like food and some bowls and utensils. Next to all that, a pure white, damp towel.
"Lotus Root soup, tea," Hanguang Jun says in a measured tone. "Towel for your face." His eyes are on Jin Ling as he says that, before he turns from them. "Bring the dishes to the Jingshi when you are finished. Go to bed when you are done."
"Hanguang Jun-" Sizhui tries.
"Classes tomorrow will be punishment enough with how little sleep you are going to get. Do not mention it."
None of them is willing to argue the logic of Hanguang Jun's statement, and Sizhui instead turns to serve around the soup and tea.
They eat and drink in silence. Jin Ling discreetly takes the towel and wipes his face. The vermilion dot is a lost cause. He'll have to apply a new one in the morning. When he brings the soup close to his face, he pauses for a long moment.
"What's wrong?" Lan Jingyi asks, noticing the pause. "Not good enough for you?"
"Lan Jingyi…" Sizhui says with gentle reproach.
"I remember this smell," Jin Ling says in a faraway whisper. "It's… soft."
Lan Jingyi mouths 'soft' with a confused look at Sizhui, but neither of them feels like pushing the other in his delicate state of mind.
Jin Ling then shakes his head as if shaking off a trance, and starts to eat in numb silence. The two Lan disciples follow suit.
When they finish eating the soup and drinking the tea, they put everything as orderly as possible on the tray and carry it to the Jingshi as instructed. There is dead silence in the Jingshi and all around, though Sizhui sees a clutch of rabbits sleeping in a small pile off to one side.
On the way back to the dormitories, Sizhui puts a hand on Jin Ling's shoulder, stopping him in his steps. "Hey," he says, giving a slight squeeze at the shoulder in his hand. "We won't tell anyone, okay?" He gives Lan Jingyi a quick, meaningful look, and gets an exaggerated nod of the head from him. "This is between the three of us."
"Thanks," Jin Ling says, slow in hesitation as he considers this.
"If you ever need to talk to anyone and Jiang sect leader is too busy, come over to Cloud Recesses and hang out with us. We'll go night hunting together, or we can go for some juice and street food in Caiyi city."
"Why are you being so cozy with me all of a sudden?" Jin Ling asks, frowning in growing distrust. Lan Jingyi pinches the bridge of his nose next to Sizhui, but Sizhui simply smiles at him.
"We're friends. And friends are there for each other, right?"
"Since when are we friends? You've done nothing but mock me in the past."
"That was before we knew you, dumbass," Lan Jingyi says, knocking a light punch against Jin Ling's free shoulder.
Outraged, Jin Ling opens his mouth to retort, but Sizhui shakes him gently to stop him.
"We aren't supposed to make noise in the Cloud Recesses, especially not this late at night. Do you think you can sleep now?"
Disdain is still written on Jin Ling's face when he turns to Sizhui, but something he sees then makes him pause. He takes a deep breath, rubs at his cheek and nods. "I'm fine now…" he hesitates for so long after that that Sizhui is sure that's all he had to say, but then he adds- "Thank you."
Taken aback, Sizhui glances to Lan Jingyi again, before squeezing Jin Ling's shoulder once more.
"You're welcome."