Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The woman’s name was Hunith.

At least that’s what the guard who brought her said. The peasant hadn’t said a word since she was brought to the castle, though Uther didn’t think she needed to. Her eyes told him everything he needed to know. He saw the fear. The pity. The pain. All wrapped up in a neat little blue package.

“Were you aware you were housing a dragonlord?” He asked her quietly, and Hunith’s head tilted to the side. She looked around the court, clutching at her ripped skirts, hair fallen from its messy braid to frame her face.

“I was, my lord.” She finally spoke. Her voice was stronger than Uther expected. Clearer. “I was of the belief Ealdor was in Cenred’s kingdom and my actions regarding magic and dragon lords bore no consequences there.”

Several members of the castle muttered among themselves. The statement was a bold one. True and justified, if Uther was being reasonable… But considering he had buried his beloved this day a year ago, he figured being unreasonable held merits as well.

“It is for this reason I allow you to live,” He warned her and stood, abandoning his throne to walk directly up to her “I can tell you are with a child. Tell me where Balinor is and I will not have it harmed.” He promised and the woman took a step back, giving a sharp intake as she jutted out her chin. Her hand flittered to her stomach, curling around it protectively.

“I don’t know,” She whispered “And even if I did…” Her voice trailed off “He’s a good man. He told me you were too.”

Uther stared. He opened his mouth, ready to pass his sentence when the doors burst open and Gauis himself walked in. The man looked exhausted – no doubt still recovering from his time in the dungeons. Uther had only just agreed to spare his life, knowing Ygraine was fond of him and silently admitting the man had become a close friend over the years. The king would be lying if he said he didn’t think this would happen. The guards told them who Hunith was when they brought her here. It was only a matter of time before Gaius learned of it too.

“My king,” He started, falling to his knees. Seeing him and Hunith side-by-side the resemblance was even more clear. Although Gaius was maybe ten years older than his sister, they both had the same dark hair and high cheekbones. Hunith’s eyes widened at the sight of her sibling and she stumbled forward a bit, trying to reach him. The guards threw out a hand to stop her. “Please, I beg of you to spare her life.”

“And what of the life of her child?” Uther asked, watching carefully as Gaius froze. His eyes flickered back to where Hunith stood, confirming the fact the physician hadn’t known. Uther sighed. He thought of his own son waddled up in the west tower. He thought of Morgana cooing over the crib, poking at Arthur’s cheeks and giggling whenever he tried to pull at her hair.

“Is Balinor aware of this?” He asked before Gaius could answer him. Hunith shook her head, swallowing. He didn’t think so. According to his guard, Hunith hadn’t figured it out until weeks after Balinor left. Nobody had seen her send word, perhaps confirming her story she didn’t know where Balinor was.

He could send them both away. They lived in Cenred’s kingdom, it wasn’t unreasonable simply to banish the both of them… However, there was still the risk of Balinor learning of his child. The risk that the pair of them would wreak havoc on his home with their dragons out of vengeance. Uther hadn’t managed to kill all of them yet, there was a good chance it would be many years before he killed all the dragons. The child would be born and could gain power by then.

If he died tomorrow, Arthur would technically be king as well. Thus was how power worked.

“Your majesty,” Gaius whispered. Eyes still wide and begging. Could Uther honestly kill this child? Part of him said yes. Most of him said yes. Maybe he was feeling sentimental over the sacrifice he had given for his own child. A sacrifice magic pried from him wrongfully and horrifically. He wasn’t sure why, but he saw Ygraine in Hunith’s eyes. Uther sighed. He had already killed so many children, it seemed. What was one more? Though perhaps…If he hadn’t killed all the dragons by the time Balinor died it would be useful to have someone who could. He felt prying eyes on him. It wasn’t as if Balinor was a sorcerer. While dragons were still a threat – and closely linked with magic he needed to remind himself that the two weren’t always mutually exclusive…

“The child can be raised here.” He answered “Under close, very close observation. As my ward so that I may decide as he grows how much of a threat he will be to my kingdom.”

The council chattered and Uther raised a hand to silence them, already regretting the decision. Now that he said it aloud there was no going back. Hunith opened her mouth, but shut it promptly when he glowered at her. Gaius nodded, accepting his words immediately. Uther rapped his fingers on his throne. In truth, he didn’t think the child would be around for much longer anyways. Assuming he did manage to defeat the dragons he would have no more use for it. Jerking his head, he signaled for his guards to lead Hunith towards an empty guest room. He would decide what to do with her later…

“Thank you, my king.” Gaius whispered. Uther said nothing. There was nothing to say. Instead he went back to the list of names in front of him. There was more work to do.

“Aw!” Morgana clapped her hands together as she peered into the crib, eyes bright “He’s so cute! Look, Arthur.” She said and grabbed the hand of the prince who was waddling over “Look, it’s a baby!” She told him and Arthur struggled to look into the basket.

His son was deeply unimpressed with what was inside.

“Baby?” He frowned and put his hand in. The child grabbed his finger and Arthur froze, looking terrified. Morgana laughed.

“His name is Merlin.” She told him “Can you say, Merlin?” She asked, but Arthur was too busy trying to release himself from the baby’s vice-grip to be bothered with the name. After he struggled free, he glowered at the basket, muttering child gibberish under his breath as he waddled away. Uther snorted. No concern there then.

Hunith sat in the corner with Gorlois by her side, both chatting idly as they watched the children play. It had been only a month of Hunith staying in the castle, but it would appear she survived the birth of her child. A bit of resentment filled Uther’s throat at the thought, but said nothing. It was magic that took Ygraine. Not Arthur.

“Morgana,” Gorlois called “It is time to go, my love.” He said and there was another jolt as Uther looked up towards his best friend. Morgana pouted, still hanging over the crib in attempt to make more faces at the baby inside.

“Can’t I stay a bit longer, father?” She asked, large eyes pleading. Uther still kept his mouth shut. He had…Promised Vivienne not to say a word on the matter. And he wouldn’t. Even as he watched his daughter looking so lovingly at someone else.

“Stay!” Arthur demanded, hitting the side of the crib. He jumped when Merlin made a noise in retaliation, hiding behind Morgana as he glowered in the direction of the baby. “No…” He whispered.

A few weeks later Uther learned Arthur actually had gotten attached to the little boy. Morgana happily informed him over breakfast that Arthur wouldn’t let anybody else hold Merlin while he was in the room and was attempting to get him to say ‘Arthur’ as his first word.

Uther hoped that didn’t mean anything.

Still, he had other worries. Hunith being the main one at the moment. He still had no idea what was to be done with her yet…but she couldn’t stay with her child, that much was certain. Not to mention they were preparing for a battle still. And another magical raid. The list seemed never ending and Uther was tasked to do it all alone.

Perhaps he would kill the child. Just to make sure his son didn’t get too attached to it.

The king had made a horrible, horrible mistake.

Arthur was currently in front of him, face bright red with angry tears streaming about as he glowered up at his father. At four years old, he thought he had escaped most of the wild tantrums and screams. Unfortunately, Arthur seemed hard to win over as he lower lip trembled. Merlin was clinging to Morgana behind him, looking over at the prince curiously.

“Morgana,” Uther sighed, completely ignoring his son “Enough. Give me the child.” He ordered. Morgana was clutching Merlin in a vice grip, eyes wide and panicked. She swallowed, tightening around the boy before looking over at Gaius, who looked ready to jump in at any moment. Gorlois was still watching silently, not doing a thing to help.

“My lord,” The physician spoke softly and placed a hand on Arthur’s head “I don’t wish us to act rashly, here.”

“Rashly?” Uther repeated, voice lowering dangerously “Someone has been teaching a three-year-old magic!” He yelled and Morgana winced at the volume, tucking Merlin’s face into her shoulder. Arthur didn’t move, stubbornly standing between the them and Uther next to Gaius.

“I… Understand the concern, my lord.” Gaius told him and intertwined his hands together in front of him. “However, there… This appears to be a complicated matter.” He managed to get out and Uther crossed his arms over his chest. “I believe Merlin might not have been taught… He may simply be born with the ability.” He said and Uther stared.

“I was told that is not possible.”

“It wasn’t thought it was… Until now.” Gaius told him weakly “It… It is a sign that he is very powerful. If we spoke to the druids we could learn more-”

“Not necessary.” Uther interrupted “Kill him.” He ordered and one of the guards took a step forward at the same time Arthur gave a cry of outrage while Morgana stumbled back, shaking her head frantically. She looked desperately over at Gorlois who seemed torn by his daughter’s kindness and loyalty to Uther.

“No!” She shouted, clutching the child “He didn’t hurt anyone! He’s just a baby!” She yelled at him, tears gathering in her eyes. Arthur’s face grew bright red again, taking in a deep breath to probably start screaming again. Gaius opened his mouth to speak again, but Uther beat him to it.

“Which is why we need to get rid of him while he’s weakest.” He explained to the girl “That thing is dangerous. We can’t allow it to grow.”

“Might I offer an alternative, sire?” Gaius intervened before Morgana could respond. Uther sighed, but nodded. He doubted much could change his mind, but knew he would receive less grief if he at least humored this as a debate.

“Camelot will face many magical threats in the future. It may be…Wise to have something magical on our side.”

“It wouldn’t be on our side, Gaius. If I let it stay in our walls it will kill us all.”

“Not if we are able to contain it.” Uther turned, disbelief hinting at his features as he recognized Gorlois’ voice. The man shuffled forward, placing a hand on Morgana’s shoulder. “The king is right,” He told the children “This…boy is very dangerous and will harm people if left alive and unattended.” He reasoned and his eyes flickered back to Uther “However… We know there are methods to keeping magic at bay.” He reasoned “Iron being one of them…I believe Gaius is right that we can use him to our advantage, my lord. He may be what allows us to get rid of all magic once and for all.”

“It’s too risky.” Uther hissed out, stubbornly “I will not allow it near my son.”

“Then lock him away,” Gorlois reasoned “No one can fault you for being cautious. Simply…Think of the opportunity it might bring. And if he hurts anyone we can easily kill him.” He said and Morgana’s grip tightened. Uther stared.

There was no way he was truly considering this.

“My lord, please.” Morgana whispered.

“Please.” Arthur echoed and Uther paused, momentarily seeing Ygraine in his eyes. Perhaps…If this is what it took for them to truly, truly be rid of magic… To be able to see an end to all magical existences… He might take it. For her sake. To ensure there was proper vengeance for her death.

“For now…He may live.” The room sighed “For now.”

And for the first time, Uther looked at the boy in question, hiding into Morgana. He was so small and wide-eyed it seemed impossible to think he was harboring evil… Perhaps that’s what this all was. An innocent child contaminated with magic. A shame, really. Well, if Uther could help him he would. Maybe by the time this was over he could find a way to rid this child of the disease once and for all.

“I brought you apples.”

Merlin blinked, looking up from his book to see Arthur with a sack thrown over his shoulder. With a smile he snapped it shut, licking his lips in anticipation.

“Brilliant, I’m starving.” He greeted and the knight snorted. He looked sweaty and red – no doubt finished training for the day. He was almost tempted to tell him to get out of his room until he had a bath, but wasn’t willing to risk the apples.

“I’m not surprised. Rumor has it you threw your breakfast and Lord Bunting this morning.” He said, raising an eyebrow in such a way that Gaius would have done a double take. Rolling his eyes, he moved over so Arthur could dump the sack on his bed. “Help me get this off.” He added, gesturing to his armor.

“Don’t you have servants for that?” Merlin muttered, but tugged at plates.

“I do. You.” Arthur told him lightly and Merlin made a show of tossing the chest piece to the ground with a clang. “I’m not bringing you apples again.” He muttered and the younger tried to hide his smirk. “So, what happened with Bunting?”

“He was being a prat,” Merlin answered “Asked me if I could turn his wife into a toad so he could marry Lady Senya.” He shook his head “Then propositioned me when I said no. Please.” He muttered and Arthur blinked, turning to look at him.

“He propositioned you?” He demanded, lips quirking up. “People are taking the damsel in a tower thing very literally, are they?”

“Shut up.” Merlin grumbled and grabbed a spare shirt from his dresser. He was pretty sure it was Arthur’s anyways, but couldn’t be certain. “The point is he deserved my food in his face and your father shouldn’t be so upset about it.”

“Oh no.” Arthur groaned.

“What’s he going to do anyways? Keep me in a different tower?” Merlin muttered “Or perhaps the dungeons? I would love a change of scenery quite honestly.” He mocked and collapsed on his bed. From beside him, he reached into the sack and pulled out one of the apples, relishing the crunch as his bit into it. Arthur snorted from somewhere opposite him and a few seconds later the bed dipped slightly as he was joined.

“Don’t be an idiot. You know he can make your life a living Hell. Don’t tempt him.” Arthur warned “You are lucky he let you lives, Merlin.”

“I would like to see him get past Morgana.” Merlin smiled, turning to look at him. “I would like to see you get past Morgana.”

“What makes you think I would be pulling you to the pyre?” Arthur demanded, yanking the apple out of his hand with a frown.

“Because you are a total daddy’s boy.” Merlin muttered and rolled over to dodge Arthur’s hit. “Does he even know his precious son is alone with the big bad warlock?” He asked and a second later the apple came flying at him, nailing him right in the face. “Ow!” He yelped and shortly after another apple hit him. The third time, Merlin was ready and raised his hands to stop the fruit assault. His magic froze the item in the air before he sent it back hurtling at Arthur.

“Cheater,” The prince grumbled “You can be such a brat.”

Merlin grinned and leaned back. A few seconds later the realization of Merlin’s magic must have hit the prince because Arthur sat up and glared at him.

“Where’s your bracelet?” He demanded and Merlin groaned, rolling over so he could bury his face in the pillows around them. Arthur gave his side a firm prod before getting off the bed. “Merlin, you know you can’t take that off!” He snapped and Merlin heard a bit of rustling around the room. Truthfully, Merlin had considered throwing it out the window, but knew it would cause more trouble than it was worth. He was pretty sure Uther made a thousand copies of the damn thing anyways.

“It doesn’t fit anymore.” He lied, voice muffled by the fabric and Arthur made a sound of disbelief. A few seconds later a hand encircled his wrist and firmly jutted the iron band on him. Sighing, he sat back up, glaring bitterly at it. “I hate it. It makes me tired and sick.” He muttered.

“No, magic makes you sick.” Arthur argued “It’s evil and trying to corrupt you. This keeps you healthy.” He nodded. Merlin didn’t really buy that, but had lost the argument so many times he wasn’t sure if it was worth it anymore. Morgana didn’t mind when it was off, but Morgana wasn’t Uther.

“Nobody minds me being sick when it is for your benefit.” He said instead, lips pressing together. Arthur winced at that. A few weeks ago, Uther had summoned Merlin to help take care of a magical issue, which had included Merlin slaying a griffin. Merlin typically excelled at that sort of thing. He was allowed to leave the castle and use his magic (sort of) freely. Last time though… It has been a bit more difficult.

“He was just banished.” Arthur reminded him gently.

“I liked him...” He muttered “He should have been a knight. You agreed he was worthy.” He said and leaned his head back against his headboard. He didn’t dare to voice the rest of his thoughts. That it had been Merlin to forge Lancelot’s papers of nobility. That he had only met the man at all because he had attempted to run away only to be faced with the reality that a griffin was going to kill the people he left behind. That Lancelot had lied to Uther’s face when he realized the king would kill him if he had learned what Merlin had done…And was banished for it.

“I’m sorry,” Arthur told him quietly and Merlin wondered if he knew after all. Swallowing, he shrugged and turned away. His chest was tightening, the swirling usually present in his chest now banging against his ribs. He shifted uncomfortably, sighing at the familiar sensation.

“Where’s Morgana?” He asked instead and Arthur frowned.

“The gardens.” He answered and Merlin hummed, eyes glued to the window. He wanted to go to the gardens. He had seen them a few times – usually after some sort victory he was allowed to go to some part of the castle. He almost always chose someplace that allowed him outside, but he occasionally went to the library or maybe the court room – just so he could see people once in a while. Not that he couldn’t see people. They just were never altogether. His room didn’t really accommodate crowds.

“Arthur?” He asked and debated his next words. “When you’re king, will you let me go?”

Arthur tensed. It was a bit of a cruel question, but Merlin had to ask it. He had resisted in the past, but the older he got, the more pressing the question became.

“You’re not a prisoner, you know.” Arthur told him and Merlin pressed his lips together. It wasn’t quite an answer, but telling all the same.

“No?” Merlin muttered and held up his wrist “Forgive me if I don’t take your word for it.”

“I just said-”

“It’s to keep me from becoming evil and sick with power.” Merlin repeated the mantra he had been fed time and time again. “Yeah, thanks for that. I guess that means you’ll be continuing your father’s…treatment.” He said bitterly and Arthur reached out for him. Merlin knocked his hand away, leveling him with a cold look. He wondered if it looked evil. “Thank you for the apples and the company, sire. I’m sure you have other matters to attend to.”

“Merlin-”

“That was a dismissal, Arthur.” A voice said from the doorway. Merlin jerked his gaze up, a little pleased to see Morgana watching them both with her arms crossed over her chest “You should know. You’ve given enough of them to know what they sound like.” She said and Arthur scowled.

Without giving another word, he stood up and pushed past Morgana. The door slammed shut behind him, leaving his armor behind. Merlin figured he would send a servant later to collect it. The clotpole was lazy like that.

“Thanks,” Merlin said and Morgana smiled. “Save me the lecture though, I know he means well.”

“One day,” Morgana told him, sitting at the edge of his bed “Arthur will surprise us all by how decent he can be.” She said and Merlin chuckled. He tilted his head back, studying the stone ceiling silently for a moment.

“Was it nice outside?” He asked quietly and Morgana sighed, clasping a warm hand over his.

“It was,” She assured him “The flowers are beginning to blossom. We have a wide range in the gardens this year. Blues and yellows… A bit of red and purple too. I’ll bring you some tomorrow.” She mused and Merlin tried to give her a real smile. It must have fell flat because she bit her lip. “Maybe I’ll grab you some books from the library too. Have you finished those?” She asked, nodding towards the pile in the corner. Geoffrey would have been appalled by their treatment. Merlin often tossed them lazily aside when he was doing reading them, not paying too much attention to how they landed. Gaius scolded him enough about it as it was.

“Sure,” Merlin agreed easily “Lord Bunting leaves tomorrow. Do you think I can move about the castle again?” He asked hopefully. Uther tended to give Merlin more freedom when there were no visiting nobles. Most knew he existed, but only a few actually saw him. Lord Bunting had made his acquaintance only yesterday and that relationship hadn’t even lasted twenty-four hours.

“If so, Uther will try to get you training with the knights again.” Morgana smiled and Merlin wrinkled his nose. Arthur loved dragging him into the armory only to hack at him for hours. They called it training, but Merlin was pretty sure it counted as torture. Still, he could take down a few of the knights so Arthur and Uther liked to think of it as productive.

“I’m better when I’m attending to the sick with Gaius.” Merlin grumbled “Uther could make me his apprentice or something and then I wouldn’t have to do any knight training.” He muttered. It was yet another argument that Merlin had lost numerous times at this point in his life. Morgana gave a sympathetic smile, patting the side of his face.

“There’s always Arthur.” She tried weakly, but Merlin rolled his eyes.

“Right,” He agreed and stuck out his lower lip. “How is he? Still a prat?”

“You just saw him.” Morgana laughed

“Yeah, but I don’t see him around other people. Is his prattiness still reserved for me or do others get the same treatment?”

“He made a servant hold up a shield for target practice again today.” She said as an answer. Merlin wrinkled his nose, giving a slight shake of the head.

“He’s lucky I’m not a servant. I would not put up with that nonsense.”

“You should disguise yourself,” Morgana told him “Blend in for the day.”

Merlin blinked, eyes widening. Morgana seemed to catch onto his train of thought because she quickly shot down the idea before he could even voice it.

“Merlin, do not even try.” She warned “Uther would be furious if you used magic like that. He could kill you for it.”

“Why? It isn’t hurting anyone!”

“Leave me to stick my hand in the fires, alright? You are already a burning building to him.” She shook her head and before Merlin could argue more, Morgana’s maid popped her head in.

“Hi Gwen,” He smiled at her with a wave. The girl beamed back at him before telling Morgana she was being requested by Lord Bunting. The pair exchanged exasperated looks.

“Do you need me to bring you more food?” Gwen asked, raising an eyebrow “I hear you wasted your breakfast this morning.”

“Maybe,” He shrugged innocently “If you bring me some pudding we can split it. I’ll tell Morgana I had urgent matters for you to attend to.” He said after Morgana had descended down the winding staircase. Gwen’s eyes sparkled. Out of all the servants and maids he had met throughout the years, Gwen was by far his favorite.

“Consider it done,” She beamed and the door shut with a click as she whipped her skirts out of the room. Merlin smiled, throwing himself back on the bed. He rolled over, reaching under the bed to pull out a small, leather bound journal Morgana had bought him when he was six. Rummaging around for a few minutes, he grabbed himself a quill and marked a single line on one of the pages. He flipped through it, looking at all the tally marks bitterly. Hundreds of pages were covered in the little lines, adding up so high Merlin couldn’t possible count them at this point. Sighing, he threw it to the side.

Another day.

When Merlin was around six-years-old Uther had taken him for a walk.

It had been rather exciting at the time – especially given that it was the first time in his life that Merlin had even seen the outside of Camelot’s walls. For the most part, the king had been rather distant with him, keeping their interactions to giving order and threats.

So, the walk was kind of a big deal. The moment Leon had told him he had put on his very best clothes and debated for over an hour on what kind of shoes were suitable for such an adventure. After all, Morgana often told him of the outdoors. There were things like fallen branches and mud and animals that he needed to be wary of.

Looking back…It had been a very cruel thing to do.

Sure, Uther had showed him outside. Told him about the different trees and animal tracks. He let him pick some blueberries and they rode out to a large, grassy hill that overlooked a beautiful lake.

That was when the king had explained magic to him for the first time.

“It isn’t your fault,” He had reassured him, putting a hand on Merlin’s shoulders. “Gaius told me you were born ill, but it makes you no less dangerous.”

Dangerous. Merlin? Dangerous?

Merlin knew he had been a bit strange, of course. Although Arthur and Morgana saw very little of him at that time, he knew they were allowed outside their rooms – and even the castle – on a regular basis. He had been told he was ill and that he must stay inside taking his medicine and keeping iron on him at all times. It was to keep him safe.

Except, that apparently wasn’t the case.

It was to keep them safe.

Because Merlin was a threat. Merlin. Who was only six and pale and skinny. Who cried when Arthur had gotten a cut on his hand for over an hour. Who liked to share his food with servants and make paper birds for Morgana when he was bored.

“But…” He remembered saying, brows furrowing together in confusion “I don’t want to be dangerous.”

Uther’s eyes had softened. It was one of the few times Merlin remembered ever seeing him almost regretful as he patted his cheek.

“I know…And I swear to you that we will try to fix this. I have Gaius looking into cures. If there is a way to get the magic out of you we will.” He promised. Merlin bit his lip.

“And I can’t use the magic for good things?” He tried, looking up from the sliced apples Uther had handed him at the start of their conversation. “Maybe…Maybe I can be a good sorcerer.”

“I’m glad you would want to,” Uther told him and tapped his fingers against his thigh thoughtfully, eyes lost in the sky above them as he considered. “We face many magical threats. If you wish to use your…Condition to aid in Camelot, I would be very impressed.” He told him. Merlin had straightened up, eyes wide. Yes. He could do that. He could be helpful. “But eventually it would consume you. You may help us while we find a way to save you, but…” He trailed off, lips pursed. Merlin slumped.

Uther had given him his first bracelet that day too. Most of the iron he wore were like shackles. Thick and heavy and ugly. The bracelet was…Less so. It was a wide band that was painted gold with Camelot’s crest bared in red.

“We will have to get you stronger ones when you are older, but for now it will do the trick.” The king had assured him. “But you must never take it off unless instructed to. It’s dangerous to let you live without touching iron.”

A strange thought had crossed his mind then. It was something that six-year-olds shouldn’t spend much time pondering over, but once it lodged itself into Merlin’s mind he couldn’t help but voice it.

“What if…I get too sick?” He had asked quietly and the servant who had been packing away their picnic paused to look at him. Uther’s eyes had flickered to him with veiled interest. “Would you kill me?” He asked. Uther looked at him.

“I would have to, I’m afraid.”

It hadn’t been the most ideal sixth birthday…And unfortunately, the trend continued.

“Are you ready, my lord?”

Merlin straightened his shirt a bit before nodding. Leon smiled warmly before gesturing him down the staircase where the other guards were waiting. A few of them shuffled at Merlin’s presence – the newer ones who had probably only heard of him until this point. He wondered what the newest rumors were. The last he had heard was that he had killed his own servant by using his magic to boil a pot of water and shoving them in. He supposed that’s what happened when you were locked away from the public view.

And as strange as it was…Uther did look out for him in that way. He had lost count of how many people were locked in the dungeons under allegations of ‘seditious libel’. The woman who had even claimed that Merlin had bewitched the king had been banished for her words. The man who whispered that Merlin was plotting to kill the prince had been beheaded. He supposed Uther didn’t liked the implication that he couldn’t control his ward. That wouldn’t surprise him.

“How does it feel to be a year older?” Leon asked lightly as they walked towards the stables. The king would no doubt already be saddled up and ready to go for their annual walk. There would probably even be some bards in the corner, watching carefully so they could gather more material for their next song. Merlin wasn’t too fond of the tradition. Morgana and Arthur obviously had plenty of songs written about them and their births – which said something since Arthur’s birth had included his mother’s death. Merlin…Less so. Apparently, it made him more mysterious so people always got excited whenever he was given more time with them.

“The same.” He said and sighed as he looked out towards the citadel. “They aren’t really celebrating, are they?” He asked, wrinkling his nose. “I won’t even be here.”

“Ah, but the people always look for a good excuse to throw a festival.” Leon told him with a wry smile. Besides, some of the lower town folk are planting flowers outside your tower as a gift.” He said, nodding to where he could see mounds of dirt being moved through the courtyard.

“That’s…Sweet of them.” Merlin said, biting his lip.

“I think they’ll hope to see more of you this year.”

“They won’t.” Merlin rolled his eyes. “I hear that some don’t even believe I really exist.” He muttered. Leon didn’t reply to that, instead giving a deep bow as they approached he king. Knights blocked off the exits and entrances so nobody could peer as Merlin got on his own horse. He could see a few wanderers freeze – perhaps noticing the king and deducing who he was. A little girl was trying to see through a guard’s legs, eyes wide with wonder.

“MAKE WAY FOR THE KING!” Somebody yelled and Uther grinned at him – as if this were fun. Merlin tried to smile back. He was going to get to spend time in the forest…He could at least appreciate that. Letting his smile become more genuine, he spurred his horse forward.

“They’re so nosy.” Uther laughed after they galloped outside the gates. “There are plenty of accounts detailing what you look like. I’m not sure I understand the fascination.”

“It is one thing to hear of beauty…Quite another to see it.” Merlin quipped back, giving a small smirk as he let himself relax. The forest had always made him feel so…Alive. It was overwhelming at times. The birds. The leaves and trees and sunlight spilling overhead. He sighed and tilted his head back a bit, trying to ignore the guards and knights surrounding them.

“Ah, yes.” Uther snorted “I’ve heard some of them. Ebony hair. Sky blue eyes.” The king clicked his tongue in amusement. “Sometimes I think they’re describing Morgana.” He snorted and Merlin scowled at him.

“I do not look like Morgana.”

“Oh? You don’t find her beautiful?”

“Not when she’s angry, my lord.” Merlin said and Uther gave a slight nod at that. It said something that even the king gave pause at Morgana’s temper. It was probably only rivaled by his own. “Now tell me, how have kingly affairs been? I don’t hear that much of them since my tutors left.” Merlin asked.

“You can’t honestly be interested in such things.”

“Someone has to be. Your son sure isn’t.” Merlin informed him dryly. Uther groaned.

“He…Will be.” He said, though the tone was doubtful. “If he put as much effort into diplomacy as he does into fighting we would no longer have need to fight.” He mused.

“Oh, don’t tell Arthur that.”

“We’ll keep it between us.” Uther snorted, patting the side of the stallion’s neck. “And what of you? I heard you and Lord Bunting had an interesting time of it.” He said and Merlin winced. Uther didn’t…Look mad.

“I wasn’t a fan, sire.” He admitted and ducked his head under a low hanging branch “I hope I didn’t cause too much offense.” He said. The king looked at him – a smile hinting at his lips before he shook ahead and continued forward.

“It would seem as if Arthur has been taking his notes in diplomacy from you.”

“Now that’s just unfair.” Merlin mumbled and pulled back on the reins. They were here. The same hill overlooking the lake they had always come to since he was six. It looked the same as always – the scene never changing below them as he slipped off the horse and the servants set to work bringing out blankets and food.

The worst part about Uther…Was that he never did the nastiness to Merlin’s face. Not directly anyways. The few times a year they interacted it was always times like this. Merlin’s birthday – maybe his own or Morgana’s or Arthur’s – a win in battle or Yuletide, perhaps. It was always pleasant and fun with lighthearted banter…and, well, only a few reminders that Merlin might die at any time.

“It’s nice out.” He decided, collapsing on top of a mountain of pillows. Uther shook his head at him.

“Sit up straight.” He reminded him and Merlin resisted the urge to make a face. It wasn’t like anyone but the servants could see them… But he wasn’t dumb enough to point that out so instead he just sat up. “Morgana also wanted me to ask you what you would prefer for the feast – ham or stag?” He continued. Merlin blinked.

“I…I’m not going to the feast, am I?”

“No, but it is still your feast.” Uther told him, accepting a plate of fruit. Right. Obviously.

“Ham is fine.” He dismissed. Arthur always wanted an excuse to go out and hunt those poor deer but Merlin refused to give it to him. “What’s that?” He added, watching as one of the servants – George, apparently – walked over with a velvet back in hand. Uther glanced up and hummed.

“I’m glad you asked,” He said and grabbed it from George. “Your gift.”

Yay… Another bracelet.

“Ah. Thank you, my lord.” Merlin said, trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible. When he took the bag though…It wasn’t as heavy as he thought. In fact, it felt like it weighed nothing at all. Had Uther decided it would be fun to just give him a bag? He tilted his head, looking suspicious as he undid the ropes and glanced inside. “Oh, wow…It’s…Um…” He began and furrowed his brows together. “Grass?”

Uther snorted.

“That’s what I thought too. Apparently, it is the right collection of herbs to cure an infection.” Uther told him. Merlin hadn’t had a single infection in his entire life, but okay. “Gaius said it will be the first one you’ll learn during your lessons.”

….wait.

“My lessons?” He repeated and choked. “You don’t mean…?”

“This is only because you proved yourself in healing Camelot last month and nothing to do with Morgana annoying me about it for three weeks.” Uther started, raising a hand. “I don’t need to tell you this is a privilege. Gaius will oversee your training – though you will not see a single patient without my approval first.” He warned, unaware that Merlin was currently having a heart attack. “I know we had you use your magic before but there will absolutely be none of that here. Perhaps in a few years we can have Gaius show you a thing in case of extreme emergencies, but I don’t want to expose you to anymore of that than I have to.”

Merlin was dying. He had to be. This couldn’t be real.

“I…” He began, frozen. “This is amazing. Thank you so much, my lord.” He managed to get out, voice wavering a bit.  Uther nodded as if this kindness had simply been a mere trinket. Perhaps to him it was. Merlin could hardly breathe as he tried to process it all. Would…Would that mean he could leave his tower more to go to Gaius chambers? He wanted to ask, but Uther was busy handing him another velvet bag.

…There was the damned bracelet.

“It’s beautiful,” Merlin forced himself to smile despite the fact the bracelet was definitely heavier and wider than in previous years. He could only imagine how uncomfortable wearing it was going to be. “Thank you.”

“Happy birthday.”

It was another five weeks until he was allowed to leave the tower again.

As per usual he was escorted by a ridiculous amount of guards. Morgana once commented that Merlin’s usual crowd of escorts were enough to lead an invasion. What was most amusing though was that Uther tried to convince him it was for Merlin’s safety.

“Camelot’s people are aware of the dangers of magic,” Uther had once told him “It is not unreasonable for them to fear you – or even attack you.”

Merlin had tried to point out during this conversation (when he was only the tender age of eight) that he could probably defend himself…That had not gone over well. In truth, he highly doubted anyone within Camelot would attack him. The people seemed more…Intrigued with him than anything else. Very few outside the castle saw even glimpses of him even though he was fully regarded as a member of the royal household.  

“Ah. Merlin.” Leon smiled when the guards broke apart to let the knight through. “Good, good. How have you been?” He asked, eyes flicking the ward up and down critically. He rather liked Leon. While many of the knights regarded Merlin with some non-subtle wariness and backhanded glares, Leon seemed more or less unbothered by his presence. It was probably because he had been a squire when Merlin was very young, thus had been around since he was a boy.

“I can’t say there has been much scandal, Sir Leon.” He smiled with a shrug “Though, I did see nine birds yesterday so that was rather exciting.” He drawled out. Leon looked out the ground, obviously hiding a smile as a few guards coughed. Merlin smirked. He would win them over eventually. Evil or not.

“Well, if you’re lucky maybe we can convince the king to let you see the tourney.” He winked and brought Merlin over to the racks of swords. “As usual, we’ve compiled all of the contestants’ weapons for you to examine.” He said. Merlin nodded.

Once, there had been an…Incident. Some bloke named Valiant came with a shield that had magical snakes and almost killed Arthur. It was one of the few times he had been allowed out his damned tower (Arthur had wanted Merlin to see him compete). It didn’t take him long to realize magic was involved and Valiant was immediately killed.

One would think that Merlin could have been rewarded with…You know, being allowed to other tournaments since that worked out so well.

Instead Uther decreed that all contestants turn over their weapons before the contest so Merlin can examine them and still not go to the actual competition… Ungrateful. Downright disrespectful.

Sighing, Merlin walked over and lifted a sword. Leon watched.

“How have you been, Sir Leon?” He asked, tossing it to the side to pick up another.

“My lord.” Leon scowled and picked up the sword “Handle these with care. And I’ve been well.” He said, carefully putting the sword on the rack. Merlin rolled his eyes.

“They are just metal.”

“That’s not true,” Leon told him and stepped in front of Merlin so he could point at the weapon in his hand. “For warriors, this is a piece of their soul carried with them. It protects them. It gives them the power to prove their mercy or their malice. It is their honor and their mistakes.” He told him, running a hand over the polished blade. Merlin stared, brows wrinkling.

“But…” He began “In the end it is still just metal. The man behind it gives it all those things.” He said, gently putting it down. Leon looked at him. “Do you… Do you think magic could be like that?” He asked, voice going softer. Leon blinked, looking startled. Immediately, Merlin flinched as his mistake. “I’m sorry.” He said and picked up the next weapon. “I didn’t mean-”

“My lord,” Leon said gently and put a hand on his shoulder. It was a bit startling – being touched. It happened so rarely that Merlin never knew how to react to it. “It is a far greater feat to be honorable and kind despite the misfortune of magic than to be honorable and kind while holding a sword that could be used for anything.”

It was meant to be a compliment. He knew it was. An ode to Merlin’s bravery as he faced the depravity of his own nature…But it didn’t feel like one. It didn’t feel like any truth that Merlin knew.

Still. Leon meant well so he smiled.

None of the weapons were enchanted.

Uther was quite sweet when picking out Merlin’s tower. It provided a perfect view of the execution sites so that Merlin was able to see the fate of each convicted sorcerer with ease. He was also the perfect height to hear their screams rise up or hear the yells from the crowd. A subtle reminder of his fate if he were ever to step out of line.

Merlin found himself less and less impressed by the display by each passing day… Which is why his secret escapes from the tower were getting bolder. The first few times, he had taken every precaution he could think of. Disguises, sleeping draughts, stuffing pillows in his sheets – everything. Now? He just sort of walked into Morgana’s room without too much of a thought.

“Hi,” Morgana greeted without looking up while Arthur spluttered in alarm. Merlin’s first un-authorized escapade was three months ago. He wondered why he hadn’t done it sooner. Morgana knew, but Arthur hadn’t really been included in the information for…Obvious reasons.

“I have a plan.” Merlin told them. Arthur was still recovering from Merlin’s entrance so didn’t really respond as Morgana nodded “I can sneak the druid boy out of here and take him home. I just need Arthur to sneak him from the dungeons and we can escape-”

“We?” Arthur demanded

“I could go too!” Merlin replied earnestly “You said it yourself! Druids are peaceful. Gaius says they’re kind and are familiar with my magic. It’s perfect.” He beamed. His excitement dampened a bit at the stares he was receiving. “What?”

“Uther would search for you, Merlin.” Morgana said “And I think it stands reason to assume he would eventually find you.”

“He hasn’t found my father yet.” Merlin pointed out.

“Your father is probably dead, Merlin.” Morgana said gently and Merlin shook his head.

“Kilgharrah would have told me.” He said and Arthur wrinkled his nose at the dragon’s name. When Merlin was ten, Arthur and him had given Sir Leon (a then newly appointed and young knight) the slip and gone exploring. Merlin insisted he heard a voice in his head and eventually it led them to a cavern where a dragon was waiting for them. Merlin was quite taken to Kilgharrah when he wasn’t being annoying. Arthur had wet himself and despite the fact it had almost been seven years, Merlin wasn’t going to let him forget about it.

“Kilgharrah isn’t right in the head.” Arthur muttered “His words don’t mean much.”

“Well, I can’t control him at any rate, which means my father’s power hasn’t passed down to me yet.” He reasoned and clasped his hands together “Maybe I can search for my father.” He said brightly. A rise of excitement warmed his chest at the thought.

“Merlin,” Arthur told him firmly and grabbed his shoulder “No. The answer is no. Even if you don’t get caught by my father, the magic can still corrupt you if you aren’t careful. And even if the druids are peaceful, who’s to say they wouldn’t let it devour you?”

“Or maybe they can teach me how to be peaceful with magic.” Merlin tried “Arthur, please-”

“I said, no.” Arthur snapped loudly and Morgana jumped a bit at the anger in his voice. Merlin stared back. Silence fell over them for a moment and he could see immediate regret flash over the prince's face. He waited to see if he would take back the words. When only more silence came Merlin fought back his own annoyance. Taking a deep breath, he turned to Morgana.

“Fine.” He gritted out and even though there was guilt in Arthur’s eyes, he still clenched his hands into fists by his sides. “So what is your plan?” He asked the other ward. Morgana bit her lip.

Emrys…

Days went by as the three worked together to free the boy. Morgana and Arthur had both agreed Merlin was too obvious of a suspect to be directly involved. This turned out to be a fair concern because after Morgana’s first attempt fell short, Uther had locked Merlin away in the dungeons in chains of iron with no less than ten knights at the door at all times.

“He wasn’t even involved!” Morgana had yelled as they dragged him away. Not that it mattered much…

Help me, Emrys

Merlin didn’t daresay he heard the boy’s voice in his head. Or mention the name Emrys to anyone who might hear. There was no point in asking Gaius or the Great Dragon considering he was locked up and alone. Even after Arthur had managed to sneak out the boy, Uther still held the belief that Merlin was responsible. Which, well, Merlin actually had played a small role. Since he was able to speak to the little boy in his head it was Merlin who had helped guide him through the castle when Arthur made the final attempt to escape with him and Merlin who had used just a little bit of magic to create some diversions after his guards had fallen asleep.

He had tried to ask the boy why he called him Emrys but he didn’t answer. Then again, nobody ever answered his questions particularly well. Aside from…Maybe one person…

“Who is Emrys?”

The cloaked figure didn’t seem terribly shocked by the question or Merlin’s knowledge of her presence. On the contrary, she smiled. Merlin had only just been allowed back into his tower after weeks of Morgana and Arthur persuading Uther he hadn’t been involved in the druid boy’s escape. Merlin had been expecting a visit from the woman after all of that.

“You are.”

“Right…Except I’m Merlin,” He pointed out, tapping his quill thoughtfully on his desk. “So, something is not checking out.”

“You have many names…In the prophecies anyways.” The woman told him, now fully entering the room to perch herself on the edge of Merlin’s bed. “I’m sorry it’s been awhile since I last visited. You seemed…Upset after our last fight.” She commented, voice going dry at the end. Merlin pursed his lips.

There had been a sickness awhile back spread through the water. It had been quite an opportunity for Uther to allow him to practice healing. He had always wanted to work with Gaius to learn more about his work – especially healing magic – but it had been the first time the king had seen the use for it. Morgana swore she was going to get the king to allow him sessions with Gaius...And was apparently successful in that regard considering his birthday. However, Merlin had admittedly been more interested in who was casting such sorcery over Camelot at the time. Confused and angry he had confronted the only witch who had dared to reveal herself to him.

“I’m sorry…I know you would never harm Camelot.” He sighed “It was foolish of me to think you would hurt anyone.”

“Apology accepted,” Nimueh smiled, letting her hood fall back as she undid the clasps of her cloak. “But let’s not live in the past. That’s more of Uther’s specialty.” She murmured and walked over, kneeling in front of him.

Nimueh had been around since…Well, as long as he could remember. Always in the midst of the night – showing up in the same, never-aging form. While nobody needed to teach Merlin any sort of magic, Nimueh was always there to guide him when things got complicated or messy. She was a bit like a mother…If Merlin had ever had such a thing. He had been keeping her existence from everyone since he was...Seven, maybe? It felt like even longer.

“You always mention prophecies – but never what they are.” Merlin sighed as Nimueh’s eyes went gold and several candles lit up. “If the prophecies refer to this Emrys person who is to say it’s me?” He continued, ignoring her as she patted his shoulder.

“I am not a druid…So I have limited information on such things, but if the druids say you are Emrys…Then you are Emrys.” She said simply. Merlin wasn’t sure that logic was solid, but he wasn’t willing to risk annoying her right now. He had too many other questions. “That isn’t why I’m here though.” She said and sat at the end of his bed. Merlin waited as she looked at him for a few seconds silently.

“Merlin,” She finally spoke and grabbed his hand “Have you ever asked Uther about your mother?”

For a moment, the world froze.

“My mother?” He repeated numbly and swallowed. Quite honestly…His mother had been a…Difficult subject. Growing up, Merlin hadn’t realized such a thing existed. How could he? Arthur had no mother. Morgana never mentioned hers – only her father until he died. It was only through books that he realized there was such a thing. By that point, he had obviously known his dad was a dragonlord but… Was his mother a sorceress? Some priestess of the Old Religion?

He had only dared ask Uther only once and he had been put in the dungeons for it the next day.

“I didn’t think he would tell you,” Nimueh clicked her tongue and sighed, letting go of him to clasp her hands on her lap. Merlin waited for her to continue – heart thudding loudly in his ears. “She hailed from a place called Ealdor. I heard the people recently starved to death…Bandits, I believe.” She mused. Merlin frowned.

“Ealdor?” He repeated. He hadn’t heard of that kingdom…And his tutors were pretty relentless on that sort of thing. “Is it a…Place of magic?” He guessed. Perhaps Uther had erased it from all the books. Nimueh smiled softly.

“No, it is a small farming village in Cenred’s lands.” She told him. Merlin stared.

“My…Mother was… A farmer?” He repeated, bewildered. Huh. He had just assumed he had been a high-born child. His father had been a nobleman before he was cast out…It was only logical to think his mother was the same. Nimueh nodded. Interesting. “And, these bandits…?”

“Kane was their leader. He took all their food so they could not survive the winter…Worry not, though. Your mother no longer lives there. Uther sent her someplace else.”

“She’s alive?” Merlin whispered and took a long breath. This was…Was so much. “Why are you telling me this now?” He asked. Nimueh’s smile only grew.

“I believe you are now old enough to know of her,” She said, voice careful and firm. “I saw how you saved the druid boy… Why?” She asked and Merlin could have laughed. What kind of question was that? Why? He shook his head at her in amusement.

“He was a child…And no different than me.”

“Did it make you angry that Uther would have him killed?”

“Of course,” Merlin furrowed his brows together “What does this have to do with my mother?” He asked. Did Uther put her with the druids? Was that it? Before he could ask, Nimueh got off the bed, kneeling in front of him as she put a hand on either shoulder. It felt strange sometimes – to receive such tender and maternal affections from her when they looked so similar in age – but he didn’t shrug away.

“I think you might be ready to soon escape from this place and join her.” She said softly. Merlin felt his breath catch. “I know where she is. I can bring you there.” She promised and squeezed him tightly. “Then…You and I can right the wrongs Uther has done.”

The shock blinded him for a moment, but not enough so that he couldn’t feel the uncertainty that surrounded that last statement.

“What do you mean?”

“I have watched over you for many years, Merlin.” Nimueh told him, meeting his eyes with a steely gaze he had never quite noticed before. “Protected you. Helped you. But I never rescued you…I needed you to see Uther’s hatred and callousness yourself. To see how Camelot and magic will be poisoned under his care. Tonight…When you rescued that druid I knew…” She trailed off and grinned broadly at him. “We can go to your mother and rid Camelot of Uther. All will be right again and you can return a free man.” She promised. Merlin stared.

“Really?” He whispered, voice shaking. It was…Well, it was more than tempting. Freedom. His mother. A world with magic in it. “But…But what about Arthur?” He asked. Nimueh blinked.

“Arthur?” She repeated and her brows furrowed “Surely, you see he is no different than his father. He isn’t one of us.”

“He helped rescue Mordred too.” Merlin told her “He isn’t the same as Uther. I’ve seen it.” He promised and Nimueh tilted her head. He wasn’t sure why she seemed so shocked. Of all people, she would have seen how close he had grown to the prince. Sure, they argued constantly but… It was Arthur. “And Morgana?” He said. At this, Nimueh’s confusion flittered to relief.

“No harm shall fall the Lady Morgana. I believe she will…Do very well in the world you and I will create.” She promised. Merlin bit his lip, uncertain.

“What would you have me do? Hurting Uther would upset Arthur.” He said, wringing his hands “And I promise you Arthur is good.” He added, just to reassure her. Nimueh’s hands slid down his arms, a frown hinting at her lips. After a few moments she nodded.

“We will not harm Arthur,” She said finally “It is not our destiny.”

He didn’t know what that meant, but okay. She looked at him for a few more seconds before standing again, lifting up her hood back up. Merlin opened his mouth to ask more – but Nimueh seemed done with the conversation at any rate. He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to be doing for whatever cause she just enlisted him in…Nor was he sure he wanted to know.

“We’ll talk more about this another time,” She finally told him as she headed towards a door. “Just keep an eye on the Pendragons. Remember their actions…And do your best to keep our kind safe.”

Merlin stared at the door, feeling as though he had been bestowed some kind destiny he hadn’t asked for. Slowly, he walked out towards the window of the tower, staring down. The little boy’s voice was still echoing in his head.

Emrys…

Personally, Merlin thought it was a little rude that Tristan was trying to kill Arthur rather Uther.

Yeah. Okay. It wasn’t actually Tristan de Bois and was most certainly possessed by a different sorcerer but even in death Merlin thought that a bit of Tristan might be like ‘hey…this is my sister’s kid who she really loved. Maybe I should kill the man I was originally mad at’.

But the wraith seemed determined to just throw the gauntlet in front of Arthur every freaking time.

“How dare you?”

“How dare I.” Merlin laughed “Oh, wow. How dare I?” He mimicked, throwing his jacket on the ground. “Get out of my room.” He snapped, falling onto the bed with a glare at his ceiling. Arthur looked at him – eyes glittering with ire as he grabbed at Merlin’s arm.

“You question my skills?!”

“Your sanity maybe,” Merlin yelled as he sat up “If I had been there I would have taken the damn gauntlet myself. There is no way you can win.”

“So, I should let another man die for me?”

“You should let me take your place, damnit!” Merlin growled as he sat up “I have magic. I can stop him somehow if you just let me figure it out.”

“We are not just going to hand you magic books or let you talk to freaking dragon just because you think this thing is unbeatable!” Arthur yelled back and Merlin tried to remember how to breathe. He was just…So damn angry though.

“Isn’t that why your father kept me?” He yelled back, standing up to pace the room. “Why not? Why not let me learn more magic if it means keeping you from dying? Gaius is allowed to-”

“Only to instruct you on the rare occasion.” Arthur said sharply and Merlin groaned.

“Why can’t I do it myself?”

“Because it is too risky and you wouldn’t know when to stop!” Arthur said and grabbed his arm. “Quite frankly, you are in more danger than I can ever be.” He snapped and while the words were definitely harsh, he could tell that Arthur fighting to not completely lose his temper.

Merlin didn’t care.

“Because of this evil thing inside of me?” He asked and shoved Arthur away from him. “If you want to be stupid and die fine. Go. Leave your people without an heir for the sole purpose of never wanting to question your father.” He said, clenching his hands by his sides. Arthur’s face went bright red.

“Don’t talk to me that way.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Go ahead and be stupid, my lord.” He mocked and walked towards the window of his room, staring down at the ground. Again, he thought maybe…Maybe he could survive the jump… His magic was strong, right? It could heal him even it went wrong.

Arthur didn’t say anything else. He just left the room loudly – slamming the door so hard that Merlin was certain one of his hinges were broken. Closing his eyes, he leaned against the cool stone. Arthur was going to die. There was no spinning this. The wraith would kill him and obviously nobody was going to tell Merlin how to prevent it.

“You seem upset.”

Thank the gods.

“Nimueh.” He whispered, turning to look at his friend. She lowered her hood, offering a wry smile as she knelt down in front of him. “You have to help me. There’s a wraith…At least, that’s what Gaius thinks it is and Arthur is going to fight it tomorrow and even Uther is worried but he won’t let me-”

“Shh.” She whispered, putting a hand on his cheek. “I know, sweet one. I know.” She promised and patted him. “It’ll be over soon.”

“What do you mean?” He frowned “Do you know how to stop it?” He asked, hope creeping into his voice. Maybe Merlin didn’t have to do anything after all. Nimueh was a friend to Camelot. She could keep Arthur safe as she has told him she has done so many times before. Still, something felt…Off.

“Uther will take Arthur’s place tomorrow.” She smiled and stood to take off her cloak. “Once the king is dead than the wraith will be pleased and vanish.” She informed him. Merlin stared.

“But…It was after Arthur.” He said slowly “Why would it be pleased with Uther’s death?” He asked, brows furrowing together. Nimueh didn't answer. In fact, she seemed to be studying him with eyes that were much too knowing. Merlin was going to start his line of questioning again, but the witch held up a hand.

"Would you have me tell you how to save them both?" She asked suddenly. Merlin frowned. This was a test. He knew it was. He just wasn't how. "Even Uther?" She pressed. Merlin hesitated at that. Part of him wondered after everything...Perhaps things would be better with Uther dead.

Then he thought of Arthur. Stupid, stubborn, infuriating Arthur.

"Even Uther." He agreed. Nimueh closed her eyes, taking a long breath. "Please...Tell me how." He tried. Nimueh's jaw clenched. "This world you say we ought to build. It shouldn't be built on blood, right? That is no way to prove magic is good." He reasoned. Nimueh did not look impressed.

"So instead it must be built on us ignoring the blood Uther spills?" She asked. "I must say. I had hoped this wraith would rid us of a tyrant king...but it appears you aren't ready for that." She said dryly. Merlin wanted to argue. To defend himself from the sudden venom in his voice he hadn't heard before. "You'll need a sword forged in a dragon's breath." She began, ignoring Merlin opening his mouth. "It is the only weapon that can slay what is already dead. However, Kilgharrah will only agree to such a weapon if he believes it is for Arthur and Arthur alone."

"But if Uther takes Arthur's place tomorrow-"

"He will," Nimueh interrupted and fixed him with hard eyes "So...Are you prepared to lie to him? There is a reason for his request, you know. Letting such a weapon fall into Uther's hands... More of our kind could die."

Arthur was really lucky Merlin liked him.

“Get out, I’m mad at you.”

“You’re always mad,” Arthur threw up his hands “You and Morgana both! It was a good kill!”

“You murdered a unicorn!” Merlin scowled back at him and for good measure, threw a book at him. Arthur dodged it easily “A unicorn.” He stressed because honestly. Who kills a unicorn? Arthur, that’s who. And people called Merlin a monster.

Granted, he was questioning that himself at the moment. He had gone through and gotten the sword forged in a dragon's breath for Uther to defeat the wraith. The sword was now hidden away in Merlin's room, veiled in magic that Nimueh had shown him. It was the only appeasement he could offer after Kilgharrah had learned he lied to him. Now he was indebted to the dragon and Merlin got the feeling the favor he had offered in return wasn't going to be one he liked.

“You’re such a girl.” Arthur grumbled “What’s it matter? They’re creatures of magic, anyhow.”

Merlin clenched his teeth. He waited for Arthur to realize his mistake, but the prince’s eyes didn’t seem to register the offense he just called. Maybe he just didn’t care. Swallowing, he turned to the window. Again, he wondered if he jumped, if his magic would save him. Sometimes he thought it was worth the risk.

“Merlin?” Arthur asked, but he ignored him. Perhaps Arthur was finally beginning to realize what he said because a hand touched his shoulders gently “I…Uh, I only meant-”

“Just get out.” He said, shrugging off the touch.

Merlin had named him Frank.

For the sole purpose being that he had been named after a bird so this bird should have a very human name.

He knew it was a little sad…Being friends with a bird, but sometimes he could go days without any visitors and, well, he got a little lonely. He often would save nuts and seeds for when the canary perched himself on his window, chirping loudly to get Merlin’s attention.

“You’re back!” He beamed, reaching into his drawer for the food. All he had was a bit of bread today…With Camelot currently starving and dehydrated due to Arthur’s idiocy it was the most he would have for a while, but Frank didn’t seem to mind as he gently pecked at Merlin’s hand. “How have you been?” He asked, keeping his voice low. Winter had come and gone so it had been a few months since he had seen his friend. Frank stopped eating for a moment to twitter some more. Merlin grinned.

“I have a surprise for you.” He told the bird and looked over his shoulder to make sure nobody was entering. “Here.” He said and placed Frank on the table along with the bread before yanking off the steel band and tossing it on his bed. Carefully, Merlin cupped his hands together. A warmth spread from his chest to his fingers before he pulled them a part. A blue orb appeared, glowing even in the midst of daylight. Frank gave a soft whistle as he cocked his head.

“Do you like it?” Merlin laughed, pleased at how entranced the bird’s reaction was. Frank moved a little closer to it, giving a curious peck. The magic wobbled for a moment before returning back to the orb. Frank squawked and backed away. “Oh, come now. It won’t hurt you.” He chided. Frank did not look convinced. Merlin held out his hands again.

This time Frank flew over it in circles before giving it a few more curious pecks. In the end he must have decided he liked the orb because he settled in Merlin’s hand, looking directly above at the light hovering over him.

Then the door opened.

Merlin was pretty well practiced at hiding his magic when someone walked in unexpectedly. He immediately vanquished the orb and put his hands behind his back as Frank flew at the door (like the loyal friend he was) to distract whoever was entering.

“…we need to visit you more.”

“What?” Merlin asked and Arthur stared at where the bird had flown back to Merlin’s shoulder and perched himself there. “I mean, I’m not arguing, but why?” He frowned and Arthur rolled his eyes.

“You have a bird minion.”

“Frank isn’t a minion!” Merlin objected. “He-”

“You named it?” Arthur demanded and held up a hand when he went to respond. “Nevermind. I… my father has requested your help.” He said, crossing his arms over his chest as his eyes lowered. Merlin rose his brows. That was definitely a lie. If Merlin’s help was needed that Uther came himself with a mass of armed guards. He didn’t send Arthur alone.

“You are requesting my help.” He corrected and looked at Frank “He doesn’t take responsibility for his actions much.” Merlin explained and the bird chirped. For his part, Arthur really did look alarmed by Merlin’s relationship with this bird, but didn’t respond. “Is this about the unicorn?” He sighed. Arthur didn’t say anything. “I would never have guessed murdering something of magic would have magical consequences. Amazing.” He muttered and sat on his bed.

“A…A sorcerer has done this,” Arthur said sharply and winced “But he has informed me it was due to me…Doing that.” He admitted and closed his eyes. “I am to complete tests…Have you heard the water came back?” He asked, voice wavering. Merlin shrugged. Yeah…Not that he had gotten any yet, but yeah. He had seen the townfolk from his window gathered around faucet in celebration.

“You past the first test then,” Merlin told him “Good job. What do you want with me?”

“I failed the second one…And he said if I failed even one that Camelot was doomed.” Arthur said, collapsed next to him. “If my people die…That’s my fault. I’ve done this.” He said, voice catching. Merlin tilted his head a bit. “Do you think your magic could make the food come back?” He whispered.

Merlin grimaced.

“I’ve already tried,” Merlin told him as gently as he could. Arthur’s face fell. “I’m sorry.” He said and wrung his hands together. “Maybe…I could try again?” He said. Arthur said nothing. “I’m sorry.” He repeated.

“It isn’t your fault.” Arthur told him numbly “It is mine.”

“Arthur-”

“Good day, Merlin.” He said and just like that. Gone. Merlin sighed and stared up at the ceiling. He turned to where Frank was watching him carefully.

“He really is a good guy.” Merlin informed him and sat up “Hey…Do you think if I gave you a message you could find this sorcerer?” He asked suddenly. Canaries weren’t exactly carrier pigeons but Frank was pretty smart. The bird tweeted. Immediately, Merlin went towards his desk. “Okay. I’m just writing that Arthur deserves a redo of that test or whatever. He’s a sorcerer too…Maybe he’ll appreciate a vouch from someone like him.” Merlin reasoned, dipping his quill into the ink. Frank squawked again and Merlin frowned for a moment.

Oh.

“Um…Don’t worry about it.” He said looking at the quill in his hand. “It…Uh…It doesn’t come from birds like you.” He said. Frank did not look impressed. “Sorry.”

Frank was a little huffy and delivering the letter.

“You vouch for Arthur Pendragon?”

Even if it was under dire circumstances…Merlin was pretty excited to have a visitor.

“You came!” He gasped and sat up with a bright smile. The moon hung high in the sky, shining in so the man in question seemed illuminated by the window. “I’m Merlin.” He added. The sorcerer tilted his head.

“My name is Anhora…Keeper of the unicorns.” He introduced hesitantly and looked around. “You are a prisoner here?”

“I’m…Technically the king’s ward.”

“But a prisoner.”

“…yeah.” Merlin admitted and crossed his legs under him. “But one who gets nicer clothes and a bigger room and usually better food. Not so much right now though. For obvious reasons.” He shrugged and looked him up and down. “So…Keeper of the unicorns, huh? What’s that like?”

Anhora stared. The man seemed slightly horrified and slightly intrigued. Two common reactions upon meeting Merlin. He looked at him for a few more moments, rolling his wooden staff I his hands for a moment before nodding.

“You wish to talk?”

“Um…Yes, please. About Arthur, obviously, but if you have time I would like to hear more about magic.” He said, lowering his voice at the last part. Anhora smiled a little at that.

“You have magic.”

“Yeah,” Merlin smiled and looked him over “You know, I was kind of hoping the keeper of unicorns would…Not doom my home. I’m trying to convince people here that magic isn’t evil but if the unicorns are turning on us than I’m going to run low on arguments.” He informed him. Anhora scoffed.

“I did not place the curse. Nor do I have the power to lift it. For it was your prince who showed he was not pure of heart by murdering such a creature in cold blood.” He said. Merlin leaned back. Okay. Fair, he supposed. He tapped his lip in search for a rebuttal.

“I’ve known Arthur all my life…I don’t think I would be alive without him. It is really hard for someone in this place to have a pure heart. Lots of bad things tend to happen,” He said, shaking his head in slight exasperation. “But if anyone could learn it would be him. He cares about his people more than anything else in the world.” He said and thought back to how forlorn the prince had seemed. “He is really upset they are suffering.”

Anhora nodded thoughtfully. Merlin wanted to ask him more about unicorns, but kept quiet for the sake of letting him think it all over. After a few more minutes, he nodded.

“I will let him retake the test.” He said. Whether he believed Merlin's words or just wanted him to stop talking was uncertain. Merlin thought it was a win either way.

“Great! Now, do you just…Look after the unicorns or are there other duties? Because I-”

"They don't visit you that often, do they?"

"You know, you're not the first person to notice that."

This was quite honestly…The worst day of Merlin’s life.

“Do something!” Uther demanded, voice shaking ever so slightly as Merlin stood over Arthur’s lifeless body. “I kept you to fix something like this!” He hissed and Merlin swallowed before putting his hands on Arthur’s chest. He could see Uther tense at the action, but for once…He didn’t cringe away as his ward’s eyes went gold.

Arthur didn’t move.

“My lord,” Gaius interrupted. “The Questing Beast-”

“No.” Uther said, voice hardening. “He can heal. What is it? Do you want him to die?” He asked and Merlin whipped around, trying hard to fight tears pricking at his eyes.

“No!” He yelled back, possibly too loudly, but Uther didn’t seem to notice as he glowered back. “I’m trying – I don’t know why it isn’t working. I’m trying. I…I…” He managed, throat tightening as the breath escaped him. He felt Morgana’s hand touch his arm as he fought to stay calm. Arthur was dying. God, he was dying and Merlin’s one job was to use his disease to cure him and he couldn’t and what good was he if he couldn’t even cure him and-

“There is no cure for the Questing Beast’s bite.” Gaius interrupted again “I’ve told you this before, my lord.” He said gently. Merlin shook his head and went back to Arthur, trying his best to summon every piece of magic he could. Uther’s panic and anger seemed contagious at this moment.

It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair.

“He is supposed to be powerful!” Uther hissed “That is what you told me. Was it a lie?”

“Not even his powers can control life and death.” Gaius tried and Merlin felt his hands tremble when Arthur still hadn’t moved. Uther stiffened.

“Then I swear…If my son dies, you can die with him.” The king said coolly, voice laced with barely concealed rage. Merlin didn’t care. Not even when Morgana gasped and hands clenched by her side in anger as she stepped towards the king in defiance. Merlin just wanted Arthur to wake up. He wanted him to –

Nimueh.

Something she had told him…Long ago, hinted at the back of his mind. The Isle of the Blessed…Something about trading lives and the Old Religion being satisfied? He leaned back, wiping tears from his eyes as the thought began to form into an idea.

There was no way that Uther would let him go but… His eyes flickered to Arthur. There was no way that Merlin wouldn’t try.

His success was mainly due to Leon.

Sweet, brave, wonderful Leon who had taken one look at Merlin under the cloak and escorted him out of the castle without question. No guards stopped them. No knights called them over. Not even a passing noble questioned it.

“I will save the prince.” Merlin told him – because he wasn’t sure if Leon thought he was helping Merlin escape from Uther or not. “Though…I fear I may not survive it.” He said and put a hesitant hand on his arm. “So, I want to thank you now. You’ve always been so kind to me.” He told him and gave a small smile. “Maybe in death we can meet again.”

Leon stared for a moment and Merlin thought he might have seen a glimmer of emotion on an otherwise passive face. Slowly, the knight unsheathed his sword and placed it in his hands.

“I have no doubt you don’t need this,” He told him as Merlin stared down in surprise at the glint of metal in the moonlight. “But a true knight of Camelot will always die with a sword in hand…And you are more of a knight than anyone I have ever met.” He said and squeezed his arm. “Now hurry.”

Merlin wanted to say more…To argue he couldn’t accept such a gift, but Leon was right. Arthur only had so much time. So instead he nodded and turned to get on the horse. After one last look and a nod of confidence that Merlin had never once received before that moment…He fled.

The sound of the alarm bells followed him.

If it wasn’t under such dire circumstances, Merlin would have enjoyed his escape. He so rarely had been privy to the woods and life within it. His time in the woods mainly came from spending time with Uther to celebrate his birth. When he was young, he was occasionally allowed on a hunt or two under the supervision of…Well, everyone in Camelot it seemed, but now…

Now he was alone. Never had he felt more alive than as he raced through the forest with birds singing and fresh air hitting his face as his horse adeptly jumped over rocks and over brooks and through the nooks and crannies that Merlin so desperately wished to explore. He didn’t dare though. Not now.

There was also the problem that Merlin had pretty much no skills on how to survive on his own. There were no servants with him. Nobody who knew how to make camp. Nobody who had knowledge of what animals were in these woods. He figured he would just have to use magic to confront every problem – no matter how small. He thought back to his farmer mother and wondered if she would know how to survive such a trip.

He did make it to the Isle relatively unharmed. Was he hungry? Yes. Clean? No. Were his clothes absolutely ruined beyond repair? Definitely. But was he there and alive? Absolutely and that meant this whole thing was a success so far.

After taking a magical boat and climbing among the ruins of what might have been an old temple, he found himself in the middle of…Well, nothing particularly interesting. Panic rose. He had no idea what the next move was. How was he supposed to trade lives now? He had no idea.

Slow clapping stopped his train of thought.

“Well done, Merlin! You remembered my words after all.”

He spun around and stared.

“Nimueh?” He asked, a little uncertainly. She smiled at him warmly, fingers curled around a silver cup that Merlin could barely recalled held some sort of significance she might have mentioned to him before. “What…?” He started before a realization hit him. “You’re the priestess who oversees these ceremonies?” He asked and guilt ebbed at him. He didn’t want to make her watch him die. Especially since they had not done all they had set out to do.

Not that she looked particularly concerned about that. On the contrary, she seemed…Pleased.

“I am,” She said and set the silver goblet on the table “I guess you have come to save Arthur’s life?”

“I have.” He confirmed and felt the first wave of fear hit him. He had never been scared of death…Yet never before had it loomed over him so precariously – even though it had been a roommate for many years now. Nimueh hummed, looking at him thoughtfully. “What do I need to do?”

“Merlin,” She sighed, looking briefly exasperated. “You don’t need to do anything. Why save Arthur Pendragon at all? His life and death are…Not relevant to us. Trust me on that.” She said. Merlin sighed. This again. She still didn’t seem to understand they were friends.

“I won’t let Arthur die.” He said stubbornly. Nimueh looked at him with a flicker of disappointment in her gaze. “I’m here to trade my life for his.” He said and waited. Nimueh’s hand fell to a golden cup beside her, fingers tracing the rim thoughtfully as she looked him up and down. After a few moments she nodded to herself and rain suddenly fell from the sky. The wind picked up quickly, sending Merlin stumbling back as the cup filled.

“The price may be more than you’re ready to give, Merlin.” She said slowly "And I have lost much of my patience waiting for you to see things my way. After years of this, how are you not tired? Not angry? You've watched them kill and slaughter and murder. How could you defend even the son of a man who causes such anguish?" She asked, pushing back hair damp from the rain. Merlin's heart slowed. A realization was tugging at him...but he didn't dare say it aloud. "I let your heart stop me from crushing Uther in hopes that I could gain a more powerful ally. Now...What do I have to show for it? Other than that very same ally choose the Pendragons over his own kind?" She asked. Merlin closed his eyes.

"You are no friend to Camelot, are you?"

"Of course, I am. To the Camelot we will build. After Uther Pendragon is gone. After our people are freed." Nimueh told him. Merlin thought back to the wraith. The the poisoned water. To other times threats loomed over his home and Nimueh...Nimueh had been so calm. So composed despite the danger.

"You didn't just try to kill Uther," Merlin managed "Innocent people died. People who had nothing to do with-"

"More innocent than our own people?" Nimueh interrupted. She held out the cup. "I'll tell you what I told Uther all those years ago. The Old Religion will take a life in return to giving a life. You say you can handle the consequences of that now...But after all is said and done, you might not be so sure." She warned and Merlin said nothing as she walked over to place the cup in his hand. "How much is a Pendragon's life really worth?" She asked, eyes glittering in a way that made him uncertain of what came next. "Perhaps another Pendragon's?"

Merlin swallowed.

"I'm listening."

Everything felt numb.

Empty. Cold. Lifeless.

He should have smiled when Arthur woke up moments after the water touched his lips. Maybe even hugged him. Uther hadn’t arrested him…On the on contrary, the man mused his hair fondly before giving him another promise of healing him from his awful curse of magic. Merlin didn’t say anything.

“What? Did you prefer me dying?” Arthur asked a few hours later when Merlin still hadn’t moved or said a word by Arthur’s bedside. The prince tilted his head, pausing in taking bites of bread to look at him in baffled confusion. Merlin opened his mouth and felt his throat catch. “What’s wrong?”

What was Merlin supposed to say? That he had killed the one person…The one fucking person who he thought used magic for good. That Uther was right and this…This part of him was evil. It must be. He had murdered someone he had known and cared for years in cold blood.

Should he tell Arthur he lied about harboring such a sorceress? That he had been so easily fooled by her lies? Hell, she probably made up that stuff about his mother too. He felt like such an idiot. And now she was dead…Because Merlin had killed her.

Obviously, he had killed before. Uther had him fight other sorcerers – he had murdered the man who tried to cure Morgana’s ‘illness’. What was his name? Edwin? At any rate, this wasn’t new…

But it had also never been his decision. His own anger. His…Friend.

“Merlin?” Arthur frowned and leaned forward to shake him a little.

Why was Merlin mourning? He should hate her. He should be glad she was gone. After all, she had lied. Broken all of her promises. She even tried to use Morgana’s life as the sacrifice to bring Arthur back instead of Merlin. If he hadn’t caught it… He shuddered. In the end, it had been Nimueh’s life used to bring Arthur back. He should be…Pleased.

Maybe…He was. It was all so confusing that he didn’t bother to try and separate all the emotions right now. Instead, he tried to focus on Arthur sitting across from him alive. Breathing. Using the life that had once belonged to Nimueh and… He just couldn’t help it.

He cried.