Chapter Text
He wanted to do this in a casual way.
Maybe him being a neat freak has something to do with this. He doesn’t want to mess it up. He just want to end it on one go.
He wrote a letter, a suicide letter. A letter filled with half-hearted words that was filled with farewell and lies, lies that he doesn't want to live anymore and that he is so sorry. He wasn't sorry at all, he doesn't even care on the people that he will leave behind. He just wanted to end his life.
It wasn't depression. It was the disappearance of his will to live. He doesn't know why but he has the urge to burn everything into ashes and scream. Scream with all of his might.
But he stopped writing the letter and chuckled a bit, he suddenly realized that this doesn't make sense at all. He isn't just like those depressed losers that mope all day and cut themselves. He is way better than that, he is contented on his life and he's never going to be one of them.
That is what he thought months ago. Fate seems to be a bit mischievous nowadays.
His life has turned upside down when his foster parent died, leaving him along with his foster brothers, San and Jongho. His foster parent, killed herself due to loneliness and grief over his deceased husband. Seonghwa was in despair, he was wondering why did this happened at all. He wondered why..
Their foster parent was just smiling days ago and now, here she is, in a casket with her eyes shut, never opening it. Seonghwa would never see her again and it made him feel like it's the worst, just looking at the casket made him nauseous. He looked at his little brothers and saw them crying their heart out, he felt envious of how they can cry like no one's around them. Seonghwa could never do that, express himself fully. He always hid behind the shadows and kept his emotions locked up on his heart.
They were lucky to be adopted by his foster parent's little sister, an another kind soul that is fond of the three of them since they've helped her a lot on her bookstore. She accepted the three with open arms just like how her sister did when she adopted these three orphans at the orphanage. But ever since their foster parent's death, Seonghwa changed. At late nights, he would cry himself into sleep and the voices never stopped on taunting him. He couldn't escape from them, they kept on following his tainted tracks, telling him a lot of horrible words.
But one day, he let the voices get through him. He was in his bed, writing an another suicide letter, something that he didn't expect to do. He wrote everything and left it on the table at their living room, he knew that San or Jongho would see this as they've arrived from their class. The two were always doing their best on their academics, something that Seonghwa couldn't do. He's too mediocre, everything he does is just as average as he is, that is what he believes. His second foster parent is probably at her bookstore so this is the perfect chance to do such a crucial thing, on a day with dark clouds surrounding the skies, making it look gloomy— suitable for someone like him.
With a last look at their house, he started to walk. He doesn't even know where he would go but he just kept on walking until he couldn't see the tall buildings and everything was just filled with grass and the pathway isn't cemented, he noticed how quiet the place is but he paid no mind to it. He kept on walking forward until he could see a town nearby but what he noticed is that it wasn't just like any usual town that he knew, it's like a ghost town but with people in it.
There are tall buildings that seems to be apartments and small houses but he noticed how there aren't even paint in it or whenever there is, it's about to fade. He noticed that there weren't even people that is outside or whenever there is, it's like a group or a mob. Some of them would spare a glance on Seonghwa that is like piercing the male but he still kept on walking until he stopped when he saw the tallest building. The perfect place to commit suicide is here, he said to himself.
Of course, he even prepared his place of death. He had been searching in the internet on some good places to kill yourself and there’s a high rate of suicide in this town— exactly on this building.
As he opened the door, a loud creak can be heard and closed it before proceeding to the stairs and climbed up, he noticed how some people would take a peek on their rooms but immediately closed them. These are probably the residents of this building yet they didn’t even give a damn on people who ended their lives here. They probably got used to it.
As he arrived on the final floor, the dimmed lights and how some would flicker made Seonghwa think how different this town is from the city that he used to live at. Filled with suspicious people, only tall building that seems to be an apartment was built aside from some stores and a huge factory and also the fact that it seems so isolated on the other towns and cities—as if the government is neglecting it.
He looked at the long stairs that would lead to the rooftop and took a deep breath, “This is now or never.,”
He started to walk upstairs without even looking at anywhere aside from his destination, the rooftop. And when he arrived in it, he saw the view of the whole town and how far he is from his hometown. He wondered why his feet didn't feel pain from walking too far, maybe because he was so numb that he couldn't feel anything anymore. He walked and climbed up until he was on the edge of the rooftop, one step away from his death. He was so prepared to leave this mediocre life of his and as he was about to raise his left foot to take the next step, a voice was heard from the other side of the rooftop.
“Are you really going to kill yourself?”
He stopped and looked behind him, a male was sitting on the ground with a pen on the right hand and a bunch of sticky notes was on his left hand that was smiling at him. It feels so sudden but he felt like his breath was cut off as he thought of something about the male— an angel.