Archive of Our Own ^beta

The walls around him are thick and cold. So cold. Nick tries to scramble to his feet. His left arm hurts, it’s broken, he figures. It hurts. But it will heal. Not important. He needs to get out of here.

His head feels so dizzy.

Fuck these suppressants they gave him. Probably some illegal omega-tranquillity shit.

Shit, he is tired.

If he stays any longer, he won’t make it out of here anymore. He knows. He needs to go. He has fought them so much already, he doesn’t even know where they hurt him and what they did to him. He is beyond the pain.

The walls around him are thick and cold.

Thick and cold.

There is just a window. Cruel. Can’t use it. Leads down a cliff. He can’t swim like this. Even if he survived the jump, he can’t swim.

Swim.

He is floating.

~~~

“We are incredibly sorry for asking you to come at such an ungodly hour,” one of the nurses greets Sean politely. The ungodly hour is not even a joke: It’s way past midnight, and even Sean was already at home, ready to head to bed. “But we didn’t know who else to call.”

“Is he alright?” Sean asks, feeling slightly nervous. “Did he get hurt?” The last thing they all need is Nick getting hurt even more.

The nurse sighs slightly. “Not much. But he had an… episode. I am sorry, Captain, I don’t know how else to call it. And he was starting to throw himself against the wall, and then tried to crawl out of the window.” She leads Sean through the corridor until they reach Nick’s room. When Sean peeks inside, he can see how Nick is sleeping, a few tubes leading to his arms. He is still getting infusions.

“He hurt his arm in the process of it,” Nick’s doctor takes over and nods towards the nurse politely. “Unfortunately it’s been his already hurt arm.”

Sean lets out a deep sigh. “Oh no…”

“I am not going to lie to you, Detective Burkhardt seems to have good genes, he heals faster than the usual person, but his arm has been broken multiple times. And it was close to breaking again. I am not even going to mention his leg. Captain, he can’t even walk properly at the moment, he dropped out of his bed and sat against the wall, hitting his upper body against it.”

There are many emotions Sean feels at the moment. The most prominent would be anger. He feels immensely and utterly pissed at these sorry excuses of humans who held Nick hostage and who hurt him so badly that even Nick as a Grimm needs so long to heal. If at least it were Wesen who did it to him, he could go on a revenge hunt then, but no… it were normal humans, using illegal suppressants and drugs on Nick to keep him in a constant drop.

“If you talk to him,” the doctor says carefully, pulling him out of his thoughts. “You shouldn’t show… your anger so openly. I… I understand how you feel, but...”

“I will rein in my anger, don’t worry,” Sean mutters. He must have reeked of rage, he figures. “It would just scare Nick further.” He points at the room. “He seems to be calm now.”

“We had to restrain him,” the doctor explains to him, a frown appearing on his forehead. “I don’t like doing it. And frankly, I believe he thinks I probably violated him by doing so.”

Sean looks at him in surprise. “What?”

“I am sure deep in his mind he is still stuck in his nightmare, and when we tried to stop him from hurting himself, he saw the enemy in us.” The doctor pauses. “We had to sedate him to make him rest. But I am afraid he won’t be well when he wakes up. This is not good for his health, Captain Renard. And I am not talking about his physical health alone.”

“Did you try sending an omega doctor in?”

The doctor sighs. “Dr. Stillwell is my colleague, she is an omega, but unfortunately she is on maternity leave. The other doctor is another alpha. I have a few omega nurses here, but it’s not enough. He hates this place here. But I can’t let him go home like this. Not only does he still need medication and rehab, he also needs supervision. He can’t live on his own with his body broken like this. Besides I am not sure yet, how he will cope with everything mentally.”

“Nick is strong,” Sean mutters. “He will not like it to be patronized by someone. But we can’t leave him here for too long either.” He sighs. “I will talk to him.” He looks around. “Could I stay the rest of the night?”

The doctor seems to be surprised by his request, but not unpleasantly so. “You can stay in Detective Burkhardt’s room. Maybe he will react better when he sees a face he knows next morning.”

“Let’s see about that,” Sean smiles weakly. He is sure Nick would have rather liked to see Monroe or Hank tomorrow not him. But he is here already, and there is no use in calling one of the other two now.

~~~

Nick stirs slightly and coughs. It wakes Sean up instantly. He isn’t someone to sleep too deeply anyways. Nowadays his sleep is even lighter. After the whole scare with Nick having disappeared for days, he seems not to sleep much at all.

“Nick,” Sean calls out, trying to keep his voice as low as possible. “It’s me, Sean.”

Nick’s pupils are widened slightly, and Sean swiftly switches on one of the small lights to make Nick see him fully, to ensure him it’s not a trick. “Captain,” Nick coughs. “Is it really you?”

“Yes, it is me. And if you don’t sit up now and take a sip from your water, you will absolutely wish I weren’t here.”

Nick’s lips tug slightly. “It has to be you, it seems.”

“Come,” Sean steps a bit closer, grabbing Nick by his good arm and helping him in a sitting position.

Nick’s senses seem to return gradually. “I… my shoulder hurts,” he mutters. “And I feel a bit dizzy.” He shakes his head, a shiver running down his spine. “I feel dizzy.”

“Nick, you understand why they did it, don’t you?”

“They drugged me...”

“Nick,” Sean says insistently. “You wanted to crawl out of the window. They told me you were repeatedly smashing your body against the wall.” He pauses. “Your doctor asked me to come because he knew you would be…” he tries to avoid the word scared. “...wary of them.”

“I am sorry you had to come so late at night,” Nick mutters miserably.

“I was still up,” Sean lies skilfully. It’s another proof of Nick’s current state of health and mind that he doesn’t even doubt his words.

“Don’t let them send me to a mental health institution,” Nick says all of a sudden.

“Excuse me?” Sean asks with a frown.

“Don’t let them… they are going to drug me there, and tie me down and keep me locked in and...”

“Nick, these places are here to help you get over-”

“It’s just another bunch of alpha doctors forcing themselves on me, and if I am lucky there is one beta therapist there!” Nick blurts out. Sean notes in worry how his pulse seems to be going faster again. “Don’t let them send me to such a place! They have drugs there, and I… can’t… I am not myself then, I don’t want to take any medication to influence an omega’s mind. I… I would rather die than go there. Please, Captain, please!”

If Sean felt worried before, he feels even more worried now. It’s very unlike Nick to beg like this and to be that desperate and vulnerable. He has seen Nick upset, illogical even, making head first actions, but this here… this is something else. “Nick.” Sean grabs Nick’s shoulder and turns him slightly to make him look at him. “Calm down,” he orders. “Take one breath after another. I will think of something. Nick, I promise you I will get you out of here as soon as possible. I know you hate this place. Neither Hank nor I nor Monroe are going to force you to go to a place you are so scared of.”

“I hate it,” Nick mutters miserably.

“I know,” Sean tries to soothe him, keeping his voice low and calming. The fact that Nick whines, is very disconcerting. His doctor is right, he needs to get out of here. But Nick can’t go to a mental institution. It only dawns on Sean now that the doctor indeed hinted on it. But it’s probably going to deal more damage to Nick. He has been constantly drugged at the place they kept him, his senses always on a bare minimum, he was constantly dropping. Sean can’t allow that he will be forced to go to a place which reminds him of it. “Give me a little bit more time to get the paperwork done and to see how we will be able do it.”

“We?” Nick asks carefully.

“You thought you are in this alone?” Sean asks, raising his eyebrows.

Nick shrugs weakly.

“Right, and now drink more of your water,” Sean states sternly. “Just so you know, leaving the hospital won’t mean you will get a free ticket to doing whatever you want.”

Nick smiles slightly, allowing Sean to pour more water into his glass.

~~~

Sean is used to a lot of paperwork but what he faces here is excruciating. And while he goes through all the necessary requirements, he realizes something important. He can’t just decide it on his own, so he does something very unusual: He asks for help, and sits down with Hank and Monroe, the only alphas in Nick’s life, he knows Nick trusts.

“And he really said that?” Monroe asks quietly. “That he would rather die than be in a mental institution.”

Sean nods. “And I am sure he meant it.” He pauses. “He doesn’t trust them.”

“I think at the moment he doesn’t trust any alpha at all, not even his doctor,” Hank adds.

“But he trusts us.”

“Undeservingly so,” Sean mutters. He and Hank exchange a glance.

“What happened?” Monroe wants to know. “I mean, I know the basics. I know what Nick told me, which is not much. And well, what you told me when you found him.”

“That’s the point,” Hank says quietly. “We didn’t find him.”

“We failed him,” Sean adds bitterly. “It took us way too long to even find a lead.”

“And once we did it took us forever to find out where they brought him to,” Hank shook his head. “It’s our fault he suffered for so long.”

“Come on guys,” Monroe stutters helplessly. “It’s not your fault. These guys knew what they were doing. And… I didn’t find him either.”

“Yes, but you are not on the police force,” Hank explains. “I am and I couldn’t even protect my own partner. Nick would have found me within two days. Not within a week.”

“And how did you find him?”

“We didn’t find him at all,” Sean explains, a twinge of anger in his voice. “They gave him a full cocktail of drugs, pretty much every medication there is which suppresses an omega’s instincts and sends them down. That’s why we weren’t allowed to visit him for two days, he was so far gone, they had to somehow bring him… up again.”

“Before he lost his consciousness he jumped out of a window to flee,” Hank explains.

Monroe frowns. “They had a window?”

“Yeah,” now it’s Hank who sounds angry. “It led down a cliff into the ocean. They knew no one would jump out there. Nick however did, and managed to reach a beach where someone found him and called the police.”

“The jump is the reason he hurt his leg so badly. He probably hit it somewhere. If he weren’t a Grimm, he would have probably lost it,” Sean explains.

“Shit,” Monroe curses. “He left out a lot of details when he talked to me.”

“I am not sure he remembers everything,” Sean tells him. “His doctor says his memory is not fully restored. But he dreams at night, and thinks he is still there, which makes it so dangerous. His doctor also thinks the atmosphere in the hospital, the tubes, the medication, and the fact that he is an alpha adds to Nick’s distress there. And I think he is right.”

“So what now?”

“We need to get him out of there,” Hank muses. “But safely. He needs to be safe.”

“He can stay with me,” Monroe tells them. “Seriously, I am home most of the time. I work at home. Nick trusts me. And Rosalee is there too. She is an omega and knows a lot of spices and meds.”

Actually Monroe would have been Sean’s first choice out of all the reasons he just named himself. Unfortunately though… He sighs slightly. “Here,” he hands the other two men the documents he has been going through since yesterday. “Read everything and you will see which problems we are facing.”

“Are they fucking kidding me?” Hank curses under his breath. Sean isn’t in the mood to call him out for it, he can feel Hank’s disbelief and anger as well. “Why does it need to be an alpha to look after Nick? It means Wu is definitely out.”

“I am out too,” Monroe states quietly, glaring at the paper.

“I know,” Sean mutters.

Hank blinks. “Why’s that?”

“I am not a person of authority,” Monroe frowns. “Stupidest thing ever.”

“They say it’s to guarantee the hurt omega’s safety and to ensure someone is up for the task, and it’s an insurance safety, but I call bullshit on that,” Hank huffs. “It’s just to patronize omegas. Rosalee would be better suited to do this job than anyone of us. And why can’t Wu be held accountable to look after Nick? Just because he is a B?”

“I know,” Sean rubs his temples in annoyance. “I have been going through all of it for hours, I read up on the current law and insurance situation, now I know why Nick’s doctor was so wary when I implied I would try to get Nick out.”

Hank stares at the documents thoughtfully. “Captain...”

“I know.”

“You know what?” Monroe wants to know.

“He isn’t sure if he will fit the criteria,” Sean explains to Monroe. “They will check your bank balance, you need a health certificate, then it’s about your age, position etc.”

Hank and Monroe exchange a glance. “We can’t leave him in there,” Hank mutters.

“No, we can’t,” Sean sighs. “I...” he pauses, feeling surprisingly uncertain. He is not ready for this task, but he has no other options. “I am probably going to be very bad at this.”

Hank raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Are you implying…?”

“I am not sure if I will be any good for Nick, really. I have never looked after someone sick, and I probably lack real sensitivity,” Sean rubs over his chin. “But I promised Nick to get him out of there, and if you are okay with this solution, and he if he is too, then I would be willing to try.”

In a sudden spout of enthusiasm Monroe throws his arms around Sean’s shoulder. “Awesome.”

Sean glares. “What are you doing?”

Monroe grins and pulls his hand away. “Thank you!! We will make sure to help you.”

Hank nods. “Thank you, Sir.”

~~~

Of course Nick makes a fuss first, but unlike they normally would handle it all of them indulge him this time. They all know that he is scared of being a bother to anyone, and he loathes asking for so much help, he feels embarrassed to need this help, and for all the problems he is facing. It would have been way easier to convince him if he would move in with Monroe or Hank for the time being, but his boss… it’s a whole new level of fear and embarrassment.

None of them tells him his fears are unfounded or that it’s going to be perfectly fine. Sean leans back with a cup of tea in his hands, eyeing Nick in his hospital bed. He still looks pale and weak, but the doctor told him that Nick could go home with a supervisor. Sean had to visit several meetings and introductions, he particularly got an introduction to all of Nick medications, his schedule for rehab and therapy which he had to attend, and he even had to attend a few sessions with a therapist himself to make sure he is up for the challenge, so that he knows how to deal with possible panic attacks and nightmares.

“Frankly,” Sean begins after a while. “You will probably annoy the shit out of me.”

Nick stares at him. “Did you just curse, Captain?”

Sean raises his eyebrows. “Any problems with my vocabulary?”

Nick shakes his head weakly.

“It’s not going to be easy,” Sean tells him. “I know it, you know it. But it’s the only option we have, and I’m not going to allow them to send you to a mental hospital.”

Nick shivers slightly. “It… would probably kill me to go there.”

“I know,” Sean nods firmly. “Listen Nick, I’m not going to sugar-coat it. I am not a therapist and I am not a doctor, I know the basics, but I will need to rely on help. And I’m not only talking about Monroe’s or Hank’s help, I am talking about yours. You need to help me to look after you.”

Nick’s eyes widen at his words. “My help?”

“I can’t do it alone. I need to know that you are in it too, that you are willing to go to therapy and do your physical exercises, to listen when I tell you something – which we know you won’t – but at least put an effort into pretending.”

Nick’s lips tug into a slight smile. “I am sorry,” he says after a while. “I know I am a lot of work and I know this required you a lot of paperwork.”

“Nick, none of us, not one person, was willing to let you alone in this. You couldn’t count on us when you were held captive, but you can count on us now.”

“What do you mean?” Nick asks confused. “Why couldn’t I count on you?”

Because we didn't save you, Sean thinks, but doesn’t say it. His guilt weighs heavily this time. “You did a lot for your friends, now it’s time for us to pay you back a bit of your kindness and help you in return.”

Nick looks at his fingers for a while. “You will be a pain in the butt,” he finally states.

Sean’s lips tug into an amused smile. “Now, that sounds more like Detective Burkhardt. Who knows… when we are living together, I might even be able to tackle your lazy attitude towards writing reports. A whole prospect of attitude adjustment lies in front of me”

“Sadist,” Nick glares, but his words and expression lack any real edge. He blushes slightly. “Thank you, Sean.”

~~~

Monroe and Hank are busy carrying some of Nick’s stuff into Sean’s house. After Nick’s initial reluctance he finally gave them a list with things he will probably need the next months, and they eagerly hurried to apply to his wishes.

Meanwhile Nick eyes the staircase in front him bitterly. “You guys just go ahead, I will probably catch up with you around Christmas.”

Sean grabs his elbows, steadying him.

“I can walk alone,” Nick complains.

“No you can’t,” Sean frowns and hands him his walking aid, his grip remaining firmly around Nick’s elbow. “Your left leg is pretty much still held together by a few screws and plates. Until you don’t have your mobility back fully I will not take any chances around open stairs.

“Thanks for the reminder,” Nick grumbles.

“What did we talk about concerning help?” Sean asks calmly. “Help me to help you, remember?”

Nick sighs. “It’s just...”

“I know, but the less you fuss about it, the less embarrassing it is for both of us,” Sean teases.

Nick takes a deep breath, and nods. “Thank God I am rather simple-minded. Your pep talk sucks.”

“You think that’s what I call pep talk?” Sean smirks.

“Fine, then your lectures suck,” Nick takes the bait, while Sean carefully helps him up the stairs. He notes with worry how Nick’s left hand clings to the walking stick, sweat forming on his forehead at the pain he probably feels from his arm and shoulder. Sean doesn’t comment on it and instead patiently waits for him to take one step after another.

“You haven’t heard me lecturing you up to now,” Sean chuckles once they reached the last step.

“I have the feeling I will probably be on the receiving end of one in the not too distant future,” Nick jokes slightly. It feels good and relieving to hear him joke instead of brooding over his nightmares.

“We’ll see about that,” Sean smiles.

“Are you guys finally here?” Monroe calls from the hallway. “Hank and I are dying for some drinks.”

Sean raises his eyebrows in mock-disapproval. “Be my guest,” he says dryly.

~~~

They spend their first breakfast together in silence.

Frankly Nick wishes he could just disappear into thin air. This morning when he got up, he managed to go to the bathroom on his own, but then had to ask for Sean’s help later on when he needed to get dressed. Well… he didn’t ask. Technically…

It’s been a funny story, really. He was so worked up in the process of trying to get his fucking pants on, he dropped his walking aid, and then stumbled on the floor himself while he tried to pick said item up.

And that’s… that.

Nick doesn’t know how long he struggled to get up, but at one point Sean knocks at his door. “Everything alright, Nick? I just got up. Do you need help?”

“I...” Nick swallows nervously. “I… I am okay?”

“Why does this sound like a question?” Sean asks, and Nick can basically see him frown in front of his inner eye. “I am coming in.”

When Sean enters the room, he gets the situation immediately, of course he does. He grabs Nick by his arm carefully, helping him up and sitting him down on his bed, and helping him putting his pants on. Then however he takes a step back, and crosses his arms in front of his chest. He looks at Nick sharply. “How long!?”

“How long… what?” Nick asks against better judgement, because he freaking knows what Sean wants to know.

“How long since you dropped to the floor?”

“Not too long...” Nick mutters.

“Really?” Sean asks sharply. “I didn’t hear anything dropping down since I got up, which means it’s been a while!”

Nick can see a hint of anger in Sean’s so controlled features. He knows that look in his eyes, he hasn’t been on the receiving end very often. Sean is very cautious about how he talks to the omegas in his force, especially considering his position. The fact that he shows his emotions makes it even worse now.

Nick stays silent, not sure what to answer. He doesn’t want to lie, especially not when Sean already found out the truth.

Sean takes his silence for exactly what it is. “Are you stupid!?” he hisses. “Why didn’t you call for help? Gee, Nicholas, you are hurt and sick! What were you thinking!?”

“I didn’t want to bother you?” Nick mutters.

“Stop it,” Sean huffs. “I don’t want to hear that sentence ever again in my house. Do you really think I don’t know what I signed up for?”

Nick shakes his head weakly.

“Good. Next time something happens you will call me for help immediately. Is that clear?”

Nick blushes slightly, again uncertain what to answer.

Sean doesn’t let him off the hook though. “I asked you a question!”

Nick swallows thickly. “Yes, Sir, I understand.”

Now, one hour later, they are here, eating their breakfast in silence. Nick is munching on his toast while he is freaking out about what to say or do next. Sean seemed to be pretty angry at him and his inner omega reels at having upset an alpha, especially one who is going out of his way to help him.

Shit, Nick, why do you always have to mess up?

The more confident Detective in him wants to get up to grab another cup of coffee, but he doesn’t quite dare to. What if he upsets Sean again?

Now it’s the omega talking again.

The silence is slowly turning unbearable. Awkwardness you have a new name: the Sean-Nick-breakfast-club.

“I…” Nick starts.

“Listen Nick-” Sean says exactly at the same time. They glance at each other in surprise.

“Sorry,” Nick blushes. “You talk first.”

Sean shakes his head. “No, I interrupted you. Go ahead.”

They show each other another careful glance. Sean shakes his head in slight amusement.”Wow, and I thought it can’t become anymore awkward.”

His dry comment makes Nick smile slightly. This is safe ground, he realizes, this is the Captain he knows. It helps him to man up and face him. “I wanted to apologize for being such a child,” he says honestly. “I… it’s difficult to ask for help when I am like… this.”

“I know,” Sean answers to Nick’s surprise. “Which is why I wanted to tell you it wasn’t okay to yell at you.”

Wow, closest to an apology Sean Renard ever came! He should mark the date in his calendar!

“I would have been mad too,” Nick admits. “I know I need to accept your help. It’s just...”

Sean sighs. “Nick you are going to heal, you are a Grimm. Give it some time. If you push yourself too much it’s just going to slow down the healing process. You know that, you have seen it plenty of times in others.”

“I know,” Nick admits quietly. “I am sorry, I know I am coming off as an unthankful brat. I mean it’s just thanks to you and the others that I am here and not locked into a mental psycho institution.”

“If you want to thank me, let me help you when you need it,” Sean states calmly.

“I will try...” Nick rubs over his hair. “But I also want to try things on my own.” He blushes. “If I get up now and try to grab a cup of coffee by myself… will you be mad?”

Sean tilts his head, raising his eyebrows slightly. “I see. Listen Nick, I know I scared you off a bit. Admittedly it wasn’t my best performance. And I have to warn you in advance that I am not used to taking care of someone. I want to help, but I won’t take your autonomy from you.” He rubs the bridge of his nose. “Let’s make a deal. If you feel like you can do something, give it a try. If it’s potentially dangerous, tell me beforehand so I can at least watch and help if needed. But you promise me not to push yourself too far like this morning and ask for help when you need it. And you will listen when I tell you to take a break and take a step back.”

Nick smiles innocently. “I can try?” he offers.

“No trying,” Sean states sternly. “This is not a question.”

“Okay,” Nick sighs. “Deal.”

“Great, now get up and grab your coffee,” Sean frowns. “Watching you brood over your toast is too much of a pitiful sight for me!”

Nick grins at that sarcastic comment. It was delivered with a wink, and he reads it exactly as what it is. An offer of peace.

~~~

The fire runs through his veins, every drop of blood spreading it further into his body. He can’t move anymore. He has forgotten his name, where he is.

The drugs… even his vocal cords aren’t working anymore.

“… omega...” he is not sure if he hears it correctly. “… pretty thing… sell him high...”

Don’t… why don’t they leave him alone.

He hears their steps leaving his cell, a door getting closed.

His mind is drifting. Shit. Nick grabs one of the nails he found on the floor and rams it into his hand. He moans in pain. It makes his senses return.

Nick wakes up, bathed in swat. For a moment he feels horrified, confused, but then he notes the warm blanket over his frame and the soft mattress beneath him. His pillow is on the floor, he was probably trashing around in his bed. When he checks on his left hand, he notes a small scar, it’s fading. He wonders how long it will take for his other wounds to fade, removing every trace of what happened.

Nick never minded being an omega. He was raised by an aunt who didn’t mind what he was, had colleagues and a boss who didn’t mind, his friends didn’t mind. Nick never cared about it. Now he hates it. Being an omega is a curse.

Nick sighs and sits up, noting with embarrassment that he even knocked his glass over. It didn’t break, gladly. He looks at his bedside table, sighing slightly. He promised Sean to look after himself and know his boundaries.

But fact is, he has no idea how far he can push himself. He always knew, he was always strong and sunny and well. To be like this, so helpless and with his mind so…

Nick swallows, and with a sigh he admits defeat. He carefully gets up, getting to the bathroom with the help of his crutches and takes one of the sleeping pills, swallowing it bravely. He has just made it back into bed when the darkness of a drugged sleep washes over him.

They work fast, but he hates these pills.

~~~

“Nick… Nicky...oh sweet, exasperating Grimm!” A pause. “Yo, Nick! Please wake up!”

Nick’s eyes snap open, he looks directly into Monroe’s worried eyes. He doesn’t get it. Isn’t he with Sean, why is Monroe here… what… “What… are you… Monroe?” Nick notes how it’s hard to speak. He shakes his head, thankfully accepting Monroe’s hand to sit up.

“The Captain called me. He said he wasn’t able to wake you up this morning. Said, he was shaking you and calling your name, then figured you probably took the pills. By the way it’s very commendable that you knew your own limits. But he was worried, so he called me.” Monroe sighs. “You okay?”

Nick looks at him, wondering what he should say now. Lie or say the truth? At the end he doesn’t say anything, just looks away. “What’s the time?”

Monroe doesn’t push him, gladly, instead just smiles. “Lunch time, Nick, you slept long.”

“Jeez!” Nick sighs deeply. “I really need to get up.”

“Hungry?” Monroe asks hopefully. “We could have lunch and then I could take you to your first physiotherapy.”

“Sure,” Nick agrees, mainly not to crush Monroe’s joyful mood. If it were for him, he wouldn’t need any food at all now.

“Great, you go to the bathroom and change, and I will prepare our lunch,” Monroe grins. “Renard allowed me to use his kitchen. Miracles, really.”

Nick pulls along, he is too polite to decline any of Monroe’s offers. At the end of the day though he is glad he was there. It made it a bit more bearable. Therapy was exhausting to say the least. It feels like he is not making any progress at all.

“Had a rough night?” Sean asks when he comes home from work. Nick is in the living room, waiting, because he is uncertain what to do when he is all alone in a house that’s not his.

“Dreams,” Nick explains quietly. “I hate the pills though.”

“I am glad you took them,” Sean says, he sounds unusually soft. “Nick, you won’t always need them, but it’s not a shame to rely on them here and there. Your sleep is important. And honestly my window and walls are too.”

The last words make Nick chuckles slightly.

“Wow, a smile,” Sean grins.

“Sorry,” Nick rubs through his hair bashfully. “I don’t mean to be moody.”

“You aren’t moody,” Sean says quietly. He offers Nick a glass. “Wine?”

Nick nods thankfully. “Thank you.” He isn’t moody, because he is just depressed. That’s different. “Therapy was pretty bad.”

“Why’s that?” Sean asks.

That’s what he likes about Sean. He doesn’t sugar-coat. He is not telling him everything is alright, and oh, no, Nick, I am sure it went great, like Monroe and Hank would probably do it. He loves his friends, and he knows they mean well, but he just wants to talk about his worries and have them taken seriously. Sean is straight-forward, it’s not his style to pretend something is great when it isn’t. “My leg’s in constant pain,” Nick explains. “And I can hardly move it. My therapist said I shouldn’t worry, it takes time.”

“Oh,” Sean nods. “I see why you would doubt the words of a professional, especially considering how you majored in medicine.”

Nick rolls his eyes. “Very funny.”

“She is right,” Sean fills red wine into their glasses. “Rehab is a long and draining process. For a while you will feel like you are not making any progress, you might even think you are getting worse, but it’s just part of the process.”

“I am impatient,” Nick mutters. “I know.”

“I can sympathize,” Sean admits. “I don’t sympathize often but here I do. I would hate it too.”

“Thank god,” Nick lets out a dramatic sigh. “Finally someone admits it!”

Sean looks at him amused. “So how’s the plan for the next weeks?”

“Rehab almost every day, on the other days… it’s therapy, and I mean the real one,” Nick grimaces.

“Doesn’t sit well with you, huh?”

“Yeah, just another way to remind me I am just a broken, helpless little omega,” Nick huffs.

“Nick...”

“I know what you want to say, but it’s why I was held captive,” Nick states bitterly. “Just because I am an omega. And that’s what we will constantly talk about during therapy, I bet. As if I don’t already hate being an omega...”

Shit, he is talking too much. Way too much. He shouldn’t have said it. Sean says quiet, for a moment it seems like he wants to say something, but then he doesn’t. Instead he surprises Nick by skilfully changing the topic. “And do you have exercises for at home?”

“Yes,” Nick blinks. “I got a few. I need a few things though. A gymnastic band and ball. I will asks Hank to go shopping with me.”

“I can do that too,” Sean shrugs.

Nick blushes slightly. “I can’t possibly ask anymore from you,” he stutters.

“Why not?” Sean raises his eyebrows. “It’s not like I am inviting guests over this weekend. You know, I have someone crashing at my home at the moment. It would be awkward.”

Nick snorts. “Sorry, I am in the way of your romantic life.”

Sean’s lips tug. “See, the least you could do is to be my shopping company.”

“I didn’t think you would like shopping...”

“Oh, I hate it,” Sean shakes his head. “But unfortunately I need some groceries and stuff for the kitchen, and winter clothes. I can as well add your gymnastic ball and band to the list.”

“Yeah, amazon can’t ship everything,” Nick grins.

Sean nods contently. “See? So it’s set.”

~~~

Before he can even think about going shopping though, he has to face his most difficult task yet, and he is not talking about the awful rehab, it’s…

“Detective Burkhardt, I am very happy to greet you, please follow me, Dr. Francis is already waiting.”

Nick feels miserable and he hasn’t even walked into the room yet. Well, walking might be an overstatement… limping and dragging his leg along might be more accurate. The young secretary leads him to said-doctors office. It’s… cosy, Nick has to admit that much.

His eyes fall on a middle-aged man with a grey suit and yellow socks. He has grey hair and wears glasses, which are too big. A beta, Nick figures with relief, glad that the hospital didn’t assign him to an alpha. The man, as ridiculous as he might look, has a certain quiet and serious aura around him.

He shakes Nick’s hand with a warm smile. “Welcome, Detective Burkhardt.” He points at the sofa. “Please sit down.”

Nick fumbles a bit with his walking stick, before dropping down on the sofa not too gracefully. He is glad though that Doctor Francis is letting him proceed in his own speed, he doesn’t comment on anything, doesn’t offer help. Just waits patiently until Nick settled down, then he sits down in the sofa chair opposite of him. “Is it okay if we are going by first names?” he asks.

“Sure,” Nick mutters. “You can call me Nick.”

“Joel,” the man smiles before he pours Nick a cup of tea. “My assistant is going to bring us cookies later,” he tells Nick in the most laid-back attitude ever. “My wife made them. They are good.”

Nick nods, still feeling slightly uncertain. “Thank you.”

“Out of mere interest,” Joel tilts his head. “Are you wary of therapists in general or is it just me?”

Nick blushes. “No, not you! Just in general, I-” He pauses, realizing what the man just made him spill. “Wait a moment...”

“Great, finally you are coming to life,” Joel grins. “I can gladly skip the phase in which I am going to bore you by showing you pics of my children.”

Nick chuckles. “Well, I don’t mind looking at pics.”

“You prefer it over talking to me, am I right?”

Nick feels a bit guilty. “Maybe?”

“So, why is that?” Joel wants to know.

“I don’t think I have a real problem,” Nick begins. When Joel raises his eyebrows in amusement, he sighs. “I don’t want to have a problem?” he offers.

“So, you do have a problem?” Joel wants to know.

“Please, let’s not talk about my orientation, about me being an omega,” Nick sighs.

“Is that a problem?” the therapist asks.

“Of course, it always is.”

“Why don’t you tell me more about it?” he offers.

Nick balls his hands into fists. “It’s nothing… just… the reason why all of this happened to me,” He pauses. “I am pretty strong. I can defend myself, but...” His voice trails off.

“Yes,” Joel nods sadly. “It had to be awful.”

“It was,” Nick admits.

“Were you scared?” the man asks softly.

Nick looks at his fingers. “I was terrified. I was fearing for my life,” he mutters. “Until now it didn’t matter that I was an omega. No one around me ever cared.”

“And at the police force?” Joel asks. “You weren’t discriminated?”

“No.” Nick shakes his head. “The thing is I was always able to stand up for myself, so even when there were a few stupid comments, I would easily...”

“Get in a fight with them and come out as a winner?” Joel wants to know.

Nick nods. “And my partner at work, Hank, he is an alpha, and he never even remotely cared. My other best friend, Monroe, he is an alpha too, and he never cared either. They see me as Nick, not as an omega.”

“What about your superiors?”

“The Captain?” Nick raises his eyebrows. “I remember one case where a bunch of detectives bullied a young intern, an omega. Let’s just say it didn’t end well for them. He is not one to kid around with. He likes his orders to be followed, and doesn’t care if work is done by an omega or alpha or beta, as long as we bring in results. He is an alpha too, obviously.”

Joel nods tentatively. “You said, your friends see you as a normal person, as Nick,” Joel puts his cup down. “But you are not. You are not seeing yourself as just Nick. Or your friends as the persons they are.”

Nick’s throat feels dry. “What?”

“You have begun to see them as alphas, and yourself as an omega,” Joel explains calmly.

“You don't know that,” Nick answers defensively.

“You are scared of alphas,” Joel concludes. “You know it, and it’s part of the problem and part of the reason you subconsciously started to talk about your biological role here. It was the first thing you mentioned. You also pointed out that your partner at work, your best friend and your superior are alphas.”

“No...” Nick mutters, feeling sweat form on his forehead.

“It’s, it’s normal, Nick,” Joel tells him softly. “Are you scared of Hank, of your partner Hank?”

“No,” Nick huffs.

“And of your friend Monroe?”

“No, not at all!”

“And your superior, your Captain?”

“No,” Nick hisses. “I am not scared.”

“And if they were angry?” Joel continues mercilessly. “If they were angry. If you were alone with them and they were angry, would you be scared? If you were facing them as angry alphas?”

Nick feels sudden tears swimming in his eyes. It’s embarrassing. “I am not scared,” he begs.

“Were you relieved when you saw that I am a beta?” Joel wants to know.

Nick looks up at him. “Yes,” he mutters.

“Do you know what the papers the hospital sent me say?” Joel looks at him thoughtfully. “They deliberately assigned you to a beta therapist to prevent further trauma.”

Nick swallows thickly. “Really?”

“Yes,” Joel says softly. “Nick, to be scared of alphas after what happened to you, is normal, it’s understanding, it’s your inner self defence mechanism.”

“I love my friends,” Nick says sadly. “I don’t want to… You are right, sometimes I look at them and I see an alpha, and I need to remind myself that this is Monroe, my best friend, and… I don’t want that.”

“It’s good to meet them as often as you can,” Joel writes something into his notebook. “You need to rebuild your faith and trust in them. We will not battle your view on alphas in general, but you will gradually try to see your friends as your friends again, and not as their biological role, as their gender.”

Nick nods tentatively. “What kind of trauma do I have?”

Joel blinks. “Excuse me?”

“I am sure the documents from my hospital say something about it...”

“Yes,” Joel answers earnestly. “But I would like to see for myself.”

“And which signs am I showing?” Nick asks quietly.

“The nightmares, the panic attacks, the way you are scared of alphas, it’s all signs of PTSD,” Joel admits. He looks at Nick, thoughtful, tentative, expectant almost. “You know what this means, don’t you?”

“I-” Nick licks over his lips. He is not crazy, he is not… “Do I have to call it like that?”

“No,” Joel states calmly. “In the end, what we do is fight the symptoms. But I deemed you as someone who likes to know what he is facing.”

That’s true. He is right, that freaking psycho. “I would like to read up on it.”

Joel nods. “I will give you a brochure. Please, don’t ask the internet. Google will just tell you that you are either dying or developing multiple personalities and about to kill someone.”

Nick’s lips tug into a careful smile. He can’t help it, it was… funny.

“And there is something else,” Joel tilts his head thoughtfully. “Even if you have PTSD, and I think we still need a few sessions to decide it, not everyone fights the same symptoms. I would say we take one step after another.”

“What do we work on first?” Nick asks quietly.

“Let’s work on some exercises to battle your panic attacks, how about that?” Joel offers.

Nick nods, it’s actually pretty useful. “I would like that, yes.”

~~~

“You should absolutely buy this white sweater,” Nick argues.

Sean sighs. “How often do I need to tell you that white is not-”

“My colour.” Nick ends his sentence. “And I will just answer what I said the first time: Bullshit.”

“No cursing in front of me,” Sean scolds.

“Then I will do it behind your back,” Nick mutters.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Nick hurries to reassure him. “So, are you going to take it?”

Sean sighs. “You know I prefer the blue one…”

“You could take both, it’s not like you are short on money.”

Sean rolls his eyes. “Cheeky,” he complains but he sounds too amused and doesn’t back off. “Fine,” he gives in. “I will buy the white one as well. Can we now finally head to the sport section so that we can get your stuff?”

“Head to might be an exaggeration,” Nick mutters. “It’s more like we are going to drag ourselves there, very slowly, with baby steps.”

“Do you want to get some coffee before we continue?” Sean offers.

For a moment Nick is inclined to say no, just because… his pride. But he figures that Sean already knows that he is fucking tired and spent. And that walking around even though it was just for an hour already pushed him at his limits. He nods meekly. “Yes, maybe...”

Sean doesn’t comment on the issue any further, which Nick is eternally glad about. He likes that Sean doesn’t waste too much time on fussing over him. He takes Nick’s word, at least most of the time. Monroe and Hank are different, they show far more mother hen tendencies, Monroe in particular, whereas Sean and Rosalee know when to just let Nick do and decide things on his own.

They settle for a small bistro. “It’s my treat this time,” Nick raises his eyebrows. “I want to invite you. That’s the least I can do.”

Again Sean shows him his respect by not arguing with him about it. “Well, it’s not necessary, really, but if you insist.”

“How is therapy going?” Sean asks after they got their coffee.

The warm liquid does wonders on Nick and raises his spirits again. “Which one? The physiotherapy or my appointments with my shrink?”

Sean shrugs. “You decide.”

“Both are dragging, but the second one is the worst,” Nick mutters. He lets his eyes glide over Sean. Is he scared of him? No, probably not. He is not scared of Sean, but the fact that he is an alpha makes him uncomfortable. And it’s just… that. The only reason. Nick swallows slightly. Shit, he can’t let this win over him. His friends are never going to take advantage of him.

“He hits home, huh?”

Nick nods. “Unfortunately yes. He is pretty good.” He sighs. “I hate to admit it but he presented me with some undeniable truths, and on top of that showed me some breathing exercises.”

“You don’t absolutely hate him?” Sean asks in amusement.

“Let’s say I don’t see the devil in person in him, and his office isn’t hell,” Nick grins.

“Ah,” Sean raises an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

“He also had cookies and tea,” Nick smirks. “Knows how to get to someone as gluttonous as me.”

“Gluttonous?” Sean blinks. “You hardly eat.”

“I… I kinda lost my appetite recently,” Nick admits.

“I realized,” Sean tilts his head. “Let’s work on that next, okay?”

“Would probably be a smart decision,” Nick sighs. “My doctor told me I need more strength for recovery.”

“And why aren’t you eating properly then?” Sean wants to know.

Take it. Drink it all.

Nick swallows. “It makes me feel sick, even smelling food at the moment makes me feel bad,” he admits warily.

“Maybe if we go for bland food first,” Sean muses. “You tried curries and burgers up to now, am I right?” When Nick nods, he shrugs. “Why don’t you try simple bread first and other things which don’t taste and smell too strongly.”

“I could try,” Nick agrees carefully.

“Great, try it tonight,” Sean points out. When Nick blinks at him, he grins. “Did you forgot that Monroe invited all of us.”

“Oh jeez, yes, I forgot!” Nick sighs dramatically. “Good thing we are here, I will get him something nice.”

~~~

It’s awkward to drive with Sean to Monroe’s house, and by now Nick is an expert in awkwardness, he has majored in being awkward, but this here? Completely new level! “Wow,” he mutters.

“I agree,” Sean sighs slightly.

It surprises Nick. “You do?”

“I absolutely do.”

It makes Nick smile slightly. “Glad to know I am not the only one.” It breaks the ice gladly, they both chuckle, and continue do discuss how weird it is and how Sean feels like he is driving an affair around, and Nick like he is a damsel in distress. Nick grins, and suddenly he finds himself switching to another radio channel and even bickers with Sean about it.

Best drive he had in a long while.

The dinner is fun too. He was wary about it first, but after being so silly during the drive, he feels a lot lighter. There is Hank, and he is genuinely happy to see him. Hank hugs him, complaining about how he is calling not often enough and that he will drop by next week, no matter if Nick likes it or not. Despite all of that Hank is not too much in his face, he just seems genuinely happy to meet Nick.

Wu is here too, and Rosalee obviously. She just brushes over Nick’s arm softly, throwing him a knowing gaze. “You look a bit better,” she says quietly when they are alone for a moment while the others went to the living room together. She helps Nick out of his jacket, and it feels better for him to have a fellow omega help him. It sounds ridiculous, he knows it, but it is as it is.

“Hm,” Nick nods tentatively. “I am not sure though, it’s… you know...”

“I know,” she says. After a pause, she furrows her eyebrows, shaking her head. “I am so angry,” she tells him. “So angry. Things like this shouldn’t happen. It’s so, fuck.”

Nick is not surprised about her words. He figured she would understand and see things differently than their friends. “Yeah, like, what did we do to them to deserve this?”

Rosalee shakes her head. “Exactly.” She looks at Nick in worry. “And how are you coping?”

“My leg’s still bitching around,” Nick mutters. “I can move it a tiny bit more than before, but it’s annoying. I still can’t bend it and I can’t walk on my own.”

Rosalee stays quiet for a while. “I was not talking about your leg.”

“I know,” Nick admits. He looks at her. “It’s difficult,” he mutters. “But don’t tell anyone, please.”

“And your therapist?”

“Is okay,” he sighs. “He… he said stuff I don’t like to think about.”

“And Sean?” she wants to know.

“Actually,” Nick pauses. “It works surprisingly well. Sean is, I don’t know, I think he understands a lot more than he lets on. And he… he doesn’t sugar-coat and pretend. No, awe, Nick, it’s going to be alright, don’t worry.” He shrugs. “It helps.”

Rosalee smiles slightly. “I am relieved Nick. Weirdly enough I think it works better for you with Sean than it might have with us.”

“Are you angry about that?”

Rosalee laughs. “No, silly.” She takes his arm, leading him to the dining table. “I am glad it works for you. No ill feelings.”

“So, what did Monroe cook?” Nick wants to know

Rosalee chuckles “Should I really tell you? I don’t know, I am still clinging to the hope that you are here because of us and not of the food.”

“That bad?” Nick grins.

Rosalee smiles. “Not necessarily bad, but definitely not to everyone’s liking.”

She was right, it seems, but gladly everyone did come here to see each other, the food is not that important. Monroe’s soy schnitzel is definitely not everyone’s cup of tea. Nick has to grin when he sees Wu looking at his food sadly. Meanwhile Sean eats his with the utmost dignity. In his mind he probably pretends it’s something else. Nick meanwhile doesn’t find it too bad.

It’s later that evening when he and Monroe go outside to catch some fresh air. Monroe is careful to lead Nick through the darkness of the night. “You are in a good mood tonight,” Monroe comments happily.

He is right, Nick thinks, probably the first time since he was freed from his abductors. “Yes,” Nick admits. “Seems like it.”

“Are you telling me why you are so down most of the time?” Monroe wants to know, elbowing Nick softly. “I mean, aside of the… obvious.”

Nick winces, involuntarily so. He hopes Monroe didn’t see it, but of course he has. “Nick...”

“I am sorry,” Nick blurts out it. “I didn’t mean it. I-” He pauses. “How did you know?”

“You are my best friend,” Monroe shrugs helplessly. “I know you haven’t been feeling well. You seem better tonight, which I am glad about, but something is off.” He pauses. “Tell me I am wrong.”

He is not wrong. Unfortunately. “I doubt you wanna hear it.”

“I want to hear it,” Monroe urges. “Jeez, Nick, you are my best friend. I love you. Whatever helps you, I want to know it so I can adapt to it.”

“You will be mad...” Nick shakes his head. “Or worse, hurt.”

“Nick, please.” Monroe smiles softly. “I would never be mad at you.”

Nick looks at Monroe tentatively, and he is close, so close to saying it, but then he crumbles. “I am sorry,” he can hear his voice break slightly. “I can’t, can’t say it yet.”

“Don’t apologize,” Monroe pats his shoulder softly. “It’s me who is sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you. You...” he pauses. “You tell me when you are ready, okay?”

“Okay,” Nick nods in relief. That’s why he loves Monroe. He just understands things, and respects his boundaries. He would never put himself first. “That’s a deal.”

“You and Renard click well, am I right?” Monroe asks hopefully.

Nick nods. “Surprisingly so. We argue sometimes, although it’s hard to fight him. But he challenges me and calls me out on my shit.”

Monroe grins. “Sounds like him. I am really relieved, you know? Hank and I were quite worried, because none of us fit the requirements to take you in, they only accepted Renard. He was concerned you would hate living with him, and that we would feel left out too.”

Nick stares at him. “What?”

His reaction makes Monroe blink. “Huh? You didn’t know!?”

“No,” Nick says quietly. “I thought he just decided on it because he is my Captain.”

Monroe shakes his head. “You remember how he promised you to get you out of hospital and not let them send you to a mental facility, right?”

Nick nods.

“So, he wanted to keep his promise and researched. He called me and Hank for help, and we went through the – sorry- shitload of bureaucracy. I didn’t even know our laws were so bad. Did you know Rosalee wouldn’t be allowed to look after you just because she is an omega? What the heck?”

Nick knows, of course he does, he is an omega himself, so he knows how restrictive the laws are for them. It’s not always visible to the outside, it’s… in the details. But it touches him that it did upset his friends as well. “So, Sean offered to take you home and take the responsibility. He just wanted to make sure we wouldn’t mind. I think he was wary that you would feel forced to come with him. Maybe that’s why he didn’t tell you.”

Nick nods tentatively. Interesting, he thinks. Who would have thought that Sean was so thoughtful.

~~~

Sometimes he doesn’t know what’s happening with him, what his mind is doing to him. He has always been healthy. He isn’t used to being so messed up. His head hurts, his throat feels dry, he feels dizzy. He carefully crawls out of his bed, starting the long and dreadful process to walk to the kitchen without making any noise. The last thing he needs is waking Sean up and bothering him even more.

But he needs water.

God, he is tired. His whole body feels tired. So drained.

He hits his head against something. Probably the door of the cupboard. Or something else. He doesn’t know, does barely feel the pain.

The first glass he manages to grasp falls out of his hand and onto the floor. Shit, it’s broken. Nick’s head feels light all of a sudden, like he is floating. He tries to bend down to pick up the shards, but his body doesn’t seem to listen. He is just not moving. Only standing there, staring. Something behind his eyebrows hammers painfully.

“Nick,” he can hear someone murmuring behind him.

“I-” Nick grasps the edge of the table to keep upright. “I don’t know.” He pauses. “Thirsty.”

“Okay, come.” Sean’s strong hand steadies him and leads him towards a kitchen chair. “Sit down here.”

Nick watches him, drowsily, how he fills a glass with fresh water. After he has handed it to Nick he starts cleaning up the shards on the floor. It’s then that Nick realizes that his personal nightmare came true. “Oh my god,” he blurts out. “Sorry. I-”

“Drink,” Sean interrupts him, unusually soft. “Please drink your water.”

Nick hates to admit it but his presence feels good. His omega senses just seem to reply to Sean’s steady and calm voice. To his… alpha. He loathes that in this stage he is so dependent on an alpha. Why does it have to be like that?

“What’s wrong, Nick?” Sean asks quietly.

“Why do I have to need you?”

“Excuse me?”

“I… I am not weak,” Nick mutters. “I don’t… even if…” He winces slightly when he feels something cold against his neck, realizing that it’s a wet towel. Sean uses the tip of it to dry the sweat on his forehead. It feels good. “Just because I am an omega.”

“No one thinks you are weak because you are an omega,” Sean answers, and there is honest surprise in his voice.

“Of course they do, everyone does,” Nick blabs. “You probably do too. You are an alpha, you have to see me as weak.”

“I don’t,” Sean answers. “You are one of my best detectives, omega or not, I don’t care. You and Hank finish cases and that’s what counts for me.” He pauses. “And you are a fairly likeable person on top of that.”

“But-”

“No,” Sean answers firmly. “I won’t let you continue this nonsense. Do you really think so little of me as your Captain? Do you think I would work with detectives who I deem weak? Do you think I mind what you are?”

Nick takes his time to think, then shakes his head.

“See.” Sean sighs. “Nick, I would have also helped you if you were a fellow alpha. Admittedly...” he pauses. “Admittedly my position and gender give me an advantage. But it doesn’t mean I see you as less worthy.”

“Monroe said, he wasn’t allowed to take me in,” Nick frowns. “That you were the only one who were deemed suitable. Is that true?”

“Yes,” Sean answers.

“You never said anything,” Nick looks at Sean. He feels his senses coming back, slowly, and he starts feeling more like an idiot and less like a bother. “Why?”

“I don’t know.” Sean shrugs. “I didn’t want to pressure you, I guess. And I didn’t want you to think that I only help you because I am literally the only person left. Because that’s not it.”

“It’s not?”

“No,” Sean sighs. “Obviously Monroe and Hank would be the first choice… for you. I know you would prefer to be with them. But you have helped me so much in the past, I am glad I can finally help you in return.”

Nick tilts his head. “Redo a favour?”

“No,” Sean smiles in amusement. “Let’s rather call it favour between friends. We are not keeping count. What do you think?”

It finally draws a smile from Nick. “I would like that.”

“So,” Sean nods towards Nick. “May I finally be allowed to take a look at your head? Hit it pretty hard?”

Nick blinks, his fingers touching his forehead. He winces slightly. “I didn’t realize.”

“Just keep sitting there,” Sean orders, all business again while he takes his first-aid kit from the place above the sink. He retries some cotton and a bottle with disinfectants from it before approaching Nick. “I don’t mean to invade your space,” he points out, carefully.

Didn’t slip his mind before, it seems. Nick blushes. Oh, he wishes he wouldn’t have said so much. “It’s okay,” he says, and it really is.

Disinfecting his wound hurts a bit, but Sean is surprisingly good at what he does. “How come you know so much about first aid?”

“Comes with the job description,” Sean chuckles. “And I learned a lot from my mother when we were on the run.” A pause. “Nick?”

“Yes?”

“When I am overstepping any boundaries, may it be as a friend or as an alpha, please tell me. I think I understand now… being held captive by these guys, they were alphas. I, I honestly didn’t even think about that. And-” he pauses. “You are not less because you are an omega.”

Nick nods tentatively, touched by Sean’s unusually sensitive words. He doesn’t know what it is about Sean, but it’s easier for him to open up towards him than towards Hank and Monroe, maybe because he is not scared of hurting Sean? Maybe because Sean has a wider understanding of the cruelty of their word? “I don’t know why I am able to tell you all of this,” he mutters. “I can’t even tell Monroe or Hank, but apparently I feel less bothered talking to you. You should probably just tell me to shut up.”

“I would never do such a thing, unless you said something absolutely self-loathing or yelled at me or-” Sean raises his eyebrows. “Blabbed about a boring TV-show.”

“That a long list,” Nick says, amused.

“You shouldn’t feel guilty,” Sean continues. “Opening up is not easy. I know that. I hardly do it myself. Maybe that’s why you talk to me, because I would react the same way?”

Maybe, Nick thinks, maybe. He sighs. “My therapist concluded that my experience made me wary of alphas in general,” he explains quietly.

Sean looks up in surprise and stays silent for a while before he looks at Nick. “And is he right?” he asks carefully. “Are you scared of us?”

“It’s not, it’s not that simple,” Nick explains honestly. “I am not scared of you right now, or of Monroe, not… in general. But sometimes it hits me that I am an omega, and you guys are alphas, and the things you could do to me, and what other alphas could do to me when I am vulnerable, and-” he pauses. “Shit. Please don’t tell the others. I don’t even know why I told you just now.”

“For all that matters,” Sean mutters. “I am feeling honoured that you told me.” He licks his lips. “Nick, it’s just natural, you know. Give it time. And tell us when we do or say things which are triggering to you or an omega in general. Because contrary to your belief we don’t always realize how we appear to omegas or betas.”

“I will try,” Nick sighs. “I, I am trying to work on my attitude anyways. I don’t want to hate what I am. And I don’t what to hate what my friends are. It’s not healthy.”

Sean looks at Nick for a long while. “You gave many omegas hope, do you know that?”

“What?” Nick asks in disbelief.

“At the precinct you are the number one gossip. And don’t worry, it’s just good stuff. The alphas and betas are just amazed that you managed to escape the way you did, crawl out of the window, the cliff, well you know the story. But for the omegas it’s different. They know what you were facing and what you battled. For them, the things you did mean much more. For Rosalee it means much more.”

“You don’t know that,” Nick stutters, but can’t help but feel a jolt of joy going through is body.

“I know it,” Sean answers in a matter-of-fact tone. “Some of them told me. And Rosalee told me too.”

Nick’s mouth drops open in surprise. “She did? And some of the others too?”

“Yes. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“Wow,” Nick mutters, blushing slightly.

Sean looks at Nick thoughtfully. “Care for a drink? We could switch location. The living room is more comfortable.”

“It’s… midnight though. Is it really okay?”

“I believe we are adults and can decide for ourselves, if it’s okay or not,” Sean answers dryly.

Nick blushes slightly. He actually feels like joining Sean for a little chat. “If I drink,” he says quietly. “I can’t take my sleeping pills.”

“Well, then stay off them,” Sean states calmly.

Nick blinks. “What?”

“You don’t need to take them,” Sean analyses. “You just got used to them.”

It makes Nick blush. “I am not dependent on them,” he argues, a hint of anger in his voice. “I am not, I am not an addict!”

“That's not what I said,” Sean says, apparently he has some never-ending patience tonight. “All I am saying is it’s your decision if you take them or not.”

Nick looks at his fingers. “I am scared of my nightmares.”

“I know,” Sean nods.

“I am not weak,” he mutters.

“You are not weak,” Sean agrees.

Sean is right. The pills are there for him to take when he feels overwhelmed and can’t sleep. He got so scared of his nightmares he started taking them regularly. It dulls his sleep, and his mind and everything. “Red wine for me,” Nick looks at Sean. “Please.”

“Good.” Sean nods, he looks content, relieved almost, and a bit proud.

It makes Nick smile slightly. “I didn’t know it was that easy to please my boss,” he jokes.

“Very funny,” Sean mutters.

To his surprise Nick figures Sean apparently has no smart comeback this time. So it is true! He actually does feel proud and content. It spurs Nick on further. He needs to fight harder. “Next time Hank asks me to go to the movies, I will say yes,” he says when he has settled down in one of the sofa chairs and Sean hands him a glass with wine.

“I very much support this,” Sean agrees.

“Haven’t seen the newest Mission Impossible anyways...” Nick muses.

“Is that a movie?”

Nick blinks, needing some time for the words to sink down. “Wait… you have never seen one of these movies?”

Sean shakes his head. “I am not watching many movies in general.”

Nick stares at him. “You are kidding me.”

“No, not at all.” A pause. “I think I watched a few old classics, but that’s about it.”

Nick leans back, shaking his head. “Glad I finally have a task at hand. I was already getting bored.”

“A task?” Sean raises his eyebrows.

“We are going to help you catch up on some movies,” Nick grins, smiling slightly.

Sean sighs, but doesn’t oppose. Later on Nick realizes it’s quite unusual that he didn’t oppose to his announcement. He was either feeling pity for Nick for being so bored or with his situation in general, or glad that he was happy. Nick hopes it’s the latter.

~~~

Sean sighs deeply when he comes home. He tries to keep his more negative feeling outside though, because frankly, Nick doesn’t need them. They are facing a difficult case at the moment, and he just wishes he would have Nick at the precinct to go on the field trips. As it is now he can’t send Wu and Hank together, they are both Humans. Which means Sean accompanies them most of the time, since he is the only one who knows the Wesen world.

He really misses Nick at work. Up to now he didn’t know how important he was to him. Well, of course he always knew he is a good detective, but really, they owe him a lot of their success. It saddens Sean a little that Nick doesn’t quite see his worth himself.

Well, it was to be expected after what happened. He is still traumatized. Time will heal some wounds, hopefully.

Sean closes the door behind him, and decides to look for his friend. It feels a bit weird to him, because he normally doesn’t have friends. He has been pondering for weeks over what to name Nick as. They are more than just colleagues, and they have crossed the lines between Captain and detective a long while ago. Nick’s not going on his nerves despite being ill and living with him. He cherishes his opinion. Which means – when Sean counts everything together – they have to be friends.

He finds Nick in his gym. A while ago Sean has turned one of his rooms into a private gym. Nick's walking aid is leaning against the wall, Nick himself is sitting on the floor on a training mat, leg stretched. There is sweat forming on his neck and head. He is working with one of these elastic exercise bands, apparently a new exercises he is supposed to do. He has wrapped it around his foot, stretching it by stretching his leg while holding the ends of it in his hand. “Shit,” Nick curses, when the elastic band snaps from his foot again.

“Nick,” Sean says calmly and approaches Nick.

Nick turns his head, eyes widening. “What are you...so early?” he pauses, something in his eyes flashes. He looks defensive all of a sudden. “How long are you watching?”

Sean skilfully ignores his accusative tone. “I arrived only now,” he explains in a matter-of-fact tone while he bends down to pick up the band. “Here, try it again.”

“What?” Nick blinks.

“Try it again,” Sean shrugs, voice even.

Nick still looks confused, but grabs the band nevertheless, wrapping it around his foot again.

“A bit lower,” Sean orders. “And let your arm hang down lower, you are pulling the band up too much.” He is relieved that Nick is so confused by his approach that he follows his orders without any inquiries.

Sweat forms on Nick’s forehead. He has to be in pain, but doesn’t want to let it show. Sean grabs one of the small towels, sitting down next to Nick. “Just move your toes first, slowly, right, just like that.” He puts the towel around Nick’s neck carefully, using the edge of it to dry the sweat dripping down of his face. He gives his shoulder a short squeeze. “When you got used to the movement, expand it a little. Start slow and with tiny movements, and broaden them step by step.”

Nick works in highest concentration. He is not looking frustrated anymore, rather determined. At one point he manages to stretch his foot further than ever before since his injury.“I did it,” Nick mutters. “I really did it.” He beams. “Thank you!”

“We could work on some other exercises too,” Sean offers. “Just give me some time to change into my training clothes.”

“Really!?” Nick exclaims, before he blushes. “No, I couldn’t… I mean, for you it’s just a waste of time.”

“Why are you deciding that for me?” Sean asks sternly. “I do whatever I want.”

“Fine,” Nick stutters.

“And how come you believe I won’t ask you for help in return?”

Nick’s head snaps up, he looks interested. “Help? What for?”

“I want to do some taekwondo exercises, but I am not happy with my form. Any advice is good advice.” He raises his eyebrows. “So what do you say?”

“It’s been so long that I worked out with someone else,” Nick’s eyes look suspiciously watery, but he recovers fast and smiles all of a sudden. “Count me in!”

~~~

When the doorbell rings, Nick groans. “Please let that be my pizza!”

Sean gets up from the sofa with a deep sigh, he stretches and walks to the door. Nick notes how he is walking slower than usual, and limping slightly. Great, he is not the only one who feels sore. “We were lucky,” Sean states when he returns. “Our food.”

“I think I can’t move, not even my little finger,” Nick complains, but he feels content. He can’t remember the last time he felt that fulfilled. Tired to the bone, aching, but also happy.

“I think you will magically rediscover your mobility once you have your pizza,” Sean states in amusement.

Nick laughs slightly. Sean might be right, he thinks, while he watches him gathering some plates and tissues. He is not feeling guilty anymore that he can’t quite help Sean with bringing everything. He can do other things instead, like opening the pizza boxes and cutting the pizza into edible-sized pieces.

“Ew, olives!?”

“It’s my pizza,” Sean rolls his eyes. “You don’t have to eat it.”

“I won’t, don’t worry,” Nick shivers.

“Yes,” Sean nods earnestly. “It’s green, it might attack you.”

“Hey, I do have greens in my food,” Nick points out. When Sean raises his eyebrows, he blushes. “Sometimes.” He rolls his eyes. “Are you really going to reprimand me for my picky eating?”

“Yes, I am,” Sean mutters. “I can’t fathom how one single person can live off so much garbage.”

“I had vegetables in my wrap yesterday,” Nick argues.

“You picked them out,” Sean states dryly. “Don’t think I don’t know!”

Nick blushes. “Can’t you be nice to me for once?” he complains. “Especially after you were torturing me in the gym.”

“Don’t pretend like you didn’t like it,” Sean teases.

“Oh, I am an omega,” Nick grins. “You are just another alpha bullying me~”

Sean chuckles.

And it suddenly strikes Nick that he made a joke about him being an omega, without noticing it. He spent the last hours with Sean without even thinking about being with an alpha who could easily manipulate and use him.

It feels like the first real progress to him.

Talking about progress… “Care for a movie?” Nick asks.

Sean looks up. “Now?”

“Yeah, why not? You literally don’t know one single movie,” Nick states. “It could be fun.” He pauses. “Unless you have a date or something alike. Seriously. If yes, we can always postpone.”

“A date?” Sean raises his eyebrows. “While I am so spent that I can’t even move my little finger? I don’t think a date would be a good idea then.”

Nick chuckles. “So?”

“Well, I have nothing to object.” Sean shrugs.”

“Great. I think we are going to start with Mission Impossible, then follow with Transporter, Terminator and Star Trek.”

“All in one evening?”

Nick throws him a gaze of pity. He doesn’t even know how many movies these are, poor guy. “This is a long-term project, Sean,” he explains patiently.

Sean shakes his head, but he looks rather amused than displeased.

~~~

“Do you want to visit the precinct later today?” Hank asks. He has visited Nick for his lunch break. Burgers. Nick keeps the few salad leaves in his burger, still remembering how Sean called him out for being so picky with his greens. The heck he is. He can eat green stuff.

“I… I am not sure,” Nick knows he is being childish, he needs to face this. Needs to go there and face his colleagues and get rid of his fears. Either they are really going to judge him, and he can call them out for being assholes, or they are going to be… normal.

“We can go together after lunch,” Hank offers. “Actually I could need some help with some paperwork. Research is not my forte, you know that.”

It awakes Nick’s interest. Sure, he is still on sick leave, but doing some paperwork and help Hank a little, he is sure Sean would allow it. “Really?”

“Yep.”

“Fine,” Nick mutters, glaring when Hank throws him a triumphant grin.

Nick is able to move a bit faster by now. Sure he is still dependent on his walking aid and crutches, but at least he got a bit of his mobility back. At least that’s something. He and Hank have barely reached their floor when a well-known person comes running towards them.

“Nick!” Wu blurts out, beaming at the sight of him. “Yo, Kurt, Linda, look who is visiting us!” He approaches Nick immediately. “It’s awesome to see you, buddy!”

The others are swiftly following. For a moment Nick’s ears start ringing, but this time it’s not because of something bad, it’s because they are clapping and talking.

“Man, I would have died after one day. How did you manage to keep it up so long!?”

“Is it true you jumped out of that window and managed to flee, swimming!?”

“You are turning in to an urban legend, I swear.”

“Hank said you were able to stay awake despite of the drugs through sheer willpower!”

Nick is too stunned, too happy, and too relieved to notice how Sean has been leaving his office, smiling in fond amusement. Only when he approaches him and greets him as well, Nick notices. Told you, his glance says. Yes, he told him, Nick thinks happily, but he had to see for himself to believe it.

When the crazy fuss toned down a bit, and Nick’s momentarily alone at his desk, a young female detective approaches him. She is not really in his department. Nick only knows her because she used to be working on the cold cases. She reaches out her hand to shake his. Nick notes how she holds his hand longer than it would be normal. “I…” she swallows. “Thank you,” she says quietly.

“What for?” Nick asks in surprise.

“For giving us hope. You are… for us you are a hero.”

It dawns on Nick what she is talking about. She is an omega too. His story probably struck home with her far more than with some of the others. For his alpha and beta co-workers he is a cool cop who managed to escape super-hero style from his abductors. But his omega co-workers know better. It pushes him to be honest. “It was hell,” he admits. “I don’t feel like a hero.”

“But you are. We, we others know what it meant to be in their grasps, and what they are doing, and… alphas won’t understand even when they mean well, and we know how hard it had to be to flee.”

Nick smiles warmly. “What’s your name?”

“Oh sorry,” she chuckles. “Elsa. I was working on the cold cases before, but now I am in the unit for sex crimes.”

“Sounds...” Nick pauses. “Difficult.”

She grins. “Well, I feel useful there. I can help. And they are always happy when they can send in an omega detective to question a traumatized omega victim.” She chuckles. “I have an alpha partner, and as cool as he is, he is hopeless when reading the mood.”

Nick laughs. “I have one of these at well,” He nods towards Hank who is currently discussing something with Wu. “They are so dense,” he teases good-heartedly. “But we like them, don’t we?”

“Life wouldn’t be the same without them,” she agrees.

“Let’s go for a coffee next time,” Nick offers. “With our alpha partners.”

“Great.” Ella raises her eyebrows teasingly. “Pete might ask you millions of questions, so just be prepared.”

“Yeah, and you are totally Hank’s type. So be prepared as well,” teases right back.

She blushes slightly. “We’ll see about that.”

It makes Nick smile. “Yes, we will.”

He spends the rest of the afternoon going through some files and helping Hank with getting his paperwork into order and doing some research. He could have stayed the whole night, but obviously Sean has a say in this too. “Let’s go home,” Sean approaches him.

Nick sighs. “I knew you would intervene.”

“You have been working long enough,” Sean raises his eyebrows. “And you are still on sick leave.” he pauses. “That said-”

Nick looks up hopefully. “Yes?”

“I don’t mind if you come to the precinct once a week for a few hours to help out,” Sean continues.

“Really!?” Nick blurts out.

He might have sounded a tidbit too enthusiastic, because Sean immediately narrows his eyes. “Just to set this straight: You are not going to over-work yourself, you are definitely not, by no means, going to do field work. And when I say a few hours I mean a few hours and not a whole day. I will tell Hank to keep an eye on you. And if I see that it won’t do you any good or that you don’t stick to your part of the deal, I will immediately drag you home and cancel the agreement. Understood?”

Nick grins. “You should publish a book with your lectures.”

“Yeah, and I would dedicate it to you,” Sean deadpans. “So, do we understand each other?”

“Yes, Sir,” Nick smiles.

~~~

The most difficult hours are the ones with Joel, even now months after his abduction. It hits deep, so deep. Joel is kind and understanding, and Nick genuinely likes him, he feels comfortable with him, but he asks questions, simple ones, which get Nick thinking. And thinking. And thinking. And then make him realize just how messed up he still is.

He is making progress, that’s what Joel says, sometimes Nick agrees, most of the time he doesn’t.

Monroe picks him up this time. They stop for dinner on the way to Sean’s place, and it takes a lot of effort for Nick to keep the conversation running. It’s one of these typical days in autumn which start cold but get warmer throughout the day. At one point Monroe takes off his sweater and Nick puts it in his bag for him.

He forgets about it completely until he gets home. He wonders if he should call Monroe and tell him he still has it, but decides he can hand it to him the next time they see each other. Nick breaths in deeply. Even without smelling at it directly, he can take in Monroe’s scent. It’s so… comforting.

Nick grasps the item, running his fingers through the fabric.

He feels like…

No… he hasn’t done that in forever. Sure, omegas do it, but he is not the usual omega. He is… he is not…

“To hell with it,” he suddenly blurts out. He doesn’t know why he feels so angry. Fucking alpha assholes who abducted him, fuck them for messing him up, fuck himself for being an omega and having these basic needs.

Fuck it.

He feels like he is about to burst if he doesn’t do anything about it.

“Nick, hello?” Sean feels utterly confused when he comes home. The apartment seems to be deserted, the living room was dark, kitchen too. Sean roams the first floor of his apartment, then looks downstairs into the gym.

Maybe Nick went to sleep? But then it’s 9PM and Nick normally never goes to bed early. However, in case he was feeling sick…

Hopefully he would have called then. But it’s Nick, and he loves to hide when he feels bad. He was indeed more irritated today, Sean figures, frowning slightly. God, hopefully he didn’t do anything stupid.

Sean knocks against Nick’s bedroom door, hoping Nick is inside and not somewhere outside, on his own and doing something reckless. Nick-style. When there is no answer, Sean feels his insides churn slightly. “Nick?” He opens the door, sighing in frustration when his eyes fall on an empty bed.

He is about to turn on his heels and call Monroe or Hank or better, both of them, when his alpha senses catch on. Nick’s scent is lingering in the room, making Sean’s nostrils blow slightly. It’s not Nick’s usual scent, it’s his omega scent. He is here, but-

Nick’s bed is empty, but when Sean carefully walks around it and eyes the space between his bed and window he finally found his nerve-straining Grimm. Nick has built a fort out of blankets and pillows and some clothes. Sean makes out Monroe’s sweater in beneath it, there is Hank’s favourite pillow – the one he very conveniently forgot one night weeks ago when he visited Nick to watch baseball – and… Sean’s eyes go wide. There is a very well-known white sweater somewhere in between.

Seeing Nick like this speaks to most if not all of Sean’s alpha senses. Something inside him almost purrs at seeing an omega in a nest they just built. The more possessive side wants to literally remove the signs of all the alpha scents in the room, such as Hank’s or Monroe’s, and the protective one feels incredibly worried that Nick felt the need to build a nest and seek comfort from it. Sean knows an omega would only do it when he feels emotionally and mentally so drained that he can’t deal with it in any other way.

Sean sighs slightly, and then does the only right thing any decent alpha would do: He carefully retreats and closes the door silently behind him, not disturbing Nick’s privacy any further.

~~~

Sean is careful not to mention anything he saw last night when they meet for breakfast the next morning. Instead he fakes ignorance. “I came home late yesterday, sorry,” he says while he takes a sip from his coffee. “I assume you already went to bed?”

Nick wavers for a second, but then nods. “I felt tired and went to bed earlier.”

Sean wishes he could ask him, make Nick open up a bit and have him tell him what’s lying on his mind so much that it made him build a whole nest. With his leg it probably was even more difficult to build everything. But for the first time in a long while Sean faces a lack of words. He just doesn’t know how to ask Nick, how to get through to him. So he just nods and keeps brooding over his coffee. Nick doesn’t seem to notice, gladly, as he is too pre-occupied with his own thoughts.

At the precinct Sean wonders if he should ask Hank, but then it strikes Sean again that he can’t just invade Nick’s privacy like that. Sure, he stumbled over Nick in his nest coincidentally, yet it felt like he was watching something he shouldn’t have seen. No way can he involve another alpha in this too.

He is brooding over this so much that he has to really try hard to concentrate during his meetings. Gladly though he can wrap up things earlier today. He is just going to man it up and be his normal self again this evening and just ask Nick if he is alright… or not. Depending on the answer he can set actions.

As so often though Nick beats him to it.

Coming home to a seemingly empty apartment almost feels like a deja-vu to last night, Sean thinks when he opens the front door, and the whole first floor is empty. This time though he can clearly hear noises coming from the gym. Sean frowns, it sounds like something is dropping and then there is a frustrated groan echoing through the room.

Jeez, what is Nick doing?

Sean doesn’t waste anymore time and instead hurries to his gym, indeed stumbling over his friend there. Nick’s walking aid is lying on the ground, and Nick is sitting next to it. He carries a look of deep frustration, eyebrows furrowed. “Damn it,” Nick curses. “Fuck it. Fuck me. This is so… the hell with it.”

He hits the floor with his fist, repeatedly. “Nick, stop it,” Sean approaches him swiftly, scared his bones might break.

Nick barely graces him with a glance, instead he hits the floor harder. “Nicholas,” Sean says sharply. “I said, stop it!”

Nick halts indeed, eyes widening in surprise. There is a sudden flash of fear in them, and Sean feels incredibly bad for having used his alpha status on him. He takes a deep breath, fighting his alpha instincts back. “Nick,” he starts carefully. “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to yell.” Nick’s expression relaxes slightly but he still looks frustrated. Sean takes a chance and sits down next to him. “I can’t let you hurt yourself.”

Nick throws him a glance, and stays quiet. For a long while. “It’s not supposed to be like that,” Nick suddenly mutters.

“What do you mean?”

“I am not sick.”

“Nick, your bones are going to heal, you will-”

“That’s not what I am talking about,” Nick blurts out. “That asshole psychologist is still convinced I have PTSD. What the heck does he believe he is!? I am not a crazy nutcase!”

Sean tries to choose his next words wisely. “You suffered through a lot,” he says, keeping his voice low and soft. “It will take a while to heal. Your mind will heal too, Nick.”

“I am supposed to heal faster,” Nick huffs.

“You are healing fast,” Sean urges. “Look how far you came already compared to a few months ago.”

Nick shakes his head. Sean knows he is not thinking rationally at the moment, he probably can’t see it. Sean takes a wild guess that it’s the very same reason that led to Nick building his nest yesterday. To his shock Sean can even see tears tingling in his eyes. He licks his lips, before he decides to change his strategy, drastically. “You know,” he mutters. “Maybe it’s because you are kinda slacking with the training of your leg. It doesn’t matter, Nick, you will soon be in the right mind-”

“Are you kidding me?” Nick huffs. “I am not slacking anywhere!”

“You don’t need to feel ashamed of it,” Sean states calmly. “It’s just normal.”

“The hell it is,” Nick glares. “I am doing my exercises daily!”

“Are you?” Sean sighs.

“I am doing everything my doctors told me to,” Nick hisses. “Who are you to doubt me? I am not slacking off!”

“Really?” Sean pulls his eyebrows up. “Then prove it!”

“I will,” Nick huffs, and pulls himself up in a standing position. He glares at Sean once more before he starts staggering towards the other side of the room. “I will reach the other side without my walking aid.”

Sean doesn’t say anything, he has too much troubles hiding his grin. Wow, that was surprisingly easy. He smiles slightly when he watches Nick wavering through the room, until he reaches the other side. Of course he does. Sean wouldn’t have dared him, had he known he couldn’t do it. He was just lacking confidence and needed some special motivation.

“HAH!” Nick turns around with a triumphant smirk.

Sean hides his smile immediately, tilting his head in what he hopes is a thoughtful expression. “Well, that’s certainly something,” he muses. “At least you managed to go that way one time and-”

“I can return too,” Nick interrupts him firmly, letting go of the wall and staggering towards Sean. He wavers a bit more this time.

“Think about what your doctor told you,” Sean intervenes with a smile. “One step after another. Take breaths in between, and concentrate on the muscles of your body. On each and every one.”

Nick looks at him shortly, but doesn’t say anything. After a while he proceeds though. Once he has reached Sean, Sean grabs him by his arms. He is sweating, but looks content. “You manipulative jerk,” Nick half-complains. “Right now I would absolutely like to hit you.”

Sean smirks. “Congratulation, Nick. You made your first steps without your walking aid.”

Nick looks at him, and beams. “I did it, didn’t I?” He jumps slightly. “I did it! Oh… ouch, shouldn’t have jumped.” He grins his typical crooked grin.

“Yes, let’s not overdo it.” Sean chuckles. “How about you hit the shower, and I will prepare something to drink for us.”

Nick nods, before he rolls his eyes. “Man, I am simple-minded.”

Sean grins. “I think it’s better if I leave your statement without a comment.”

“So, the words of your therapist keep bothering you?” Sean asks when they settle down in the living room. He literally had to force Nick to sit down and not keep roaming around in the kitchen, now that he miraculously recovered his mobility. Typical Nick, Sean figures, jumps into action immediately. What might have annoyed him a few months ago though, makes him feel amused and fond now.

“It’s just,” Nick sighs. “I feel so angry. I don’t want to be messed up. I, I am okay, Sean.”

Sean looks at his glass of wine. “Are you?” he asks.

Nick licks his lips. “What are you implying?”

“I am not implying anything,” Sean states honestly. “But sometimes you zone out. When I tried to stop you tonight from hurting yourself, you looked terrified for a moment.”

“I, I am not terrified of my alpha friends anymore,” Nick mutters.

“Yes, but alphas in general make you uncomfortable, especially when we react according to our instincts, am I right?” Sean sighs. “I don’t think you are messed up. Nick, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”

“Don’t act as if you would just accept such a diagnosis,” Nick argues, a hint of anger in his voice. “If someone told you that you have PTSD you would accept it? Really? Who are you kidding!?”

“You are right, I would have a hard time accepting it,” Sean frowns. “No need to jump into my face though.”

“Sorry,” Nick mutters. “It’s not even your fault, you are right.”

Sean stays quiet for a while. “Are you really feeling well?”

Nick sighs slightly. “Most of the time I do, but not always,” he admits.

“For this little percentage in which you feel sad or scared, when you battle the darker sides of your mind, that’s what you need help for. To heal.” He allows Nick to brood over his thoughts for a while before he continues. “What did your therapist say, Nick?”

Nick sighs. “My occasional panic attacks and my anxieties as an omega… it’s a bit like a shock syndrome. He said even though I might not have all signs of PTSD it’s still what I am dealing with.” he rubs over his temples tiredly. He almost looks defeated when he says the next words. “It’s not good. For my work.”

“Why’s that?” Sean wants to know.

“I am an omega,” Nick explains quietly. “It’s not well-perceived at work with superiors if an omega has mental issues.”

“I don’t mind,” Sean states calmly.

“Sorry?”

“Nick, did you forget that I am your superior?” Sean raises his eyebrows. “And as your captain I can tell you that I don’t see your issues as something intervening with your work. Actually I would rather be vary if you showed no signs of anxiety at all after being abducted, drugged and abused,” he states bluntly. “I would be vary and sceptical of every detective who wouldn’t show any symptoms at all. I don’t give even the tiniest thing on how others perceive you or other omegas. You are one of my best detectives, and as long as you and your therapist decide that you are ready to go back to work then I have no reason not to trust in your judgement.”

Nick stares at him, wide-eyed. “Sean...” he mutters.

“Yes?”

“If you would be more of a touchy guy I would hug you now.”

Sean snorts. “Save that for Monroe.”

Nick smiles. His eyes are slightly watery, but his smile is bright and genuine. “So how about I mentally hug you instead and agree to play a round of chess with you so that you can mercilessly rip me apart.”

Sean smiles, amused. “Sounds like fun to me.”

Nick nods contently, before he smiles. “Despite little setbacks it can only go up from here on,” he states.

“Finally some words of wisdom from you,” Sean’s lips tug into an amused smirk. “Now if you managed to eat more salad we will have an actual responsible adult here.”

~~~

Nick cooks curry for them. First of all he needs to prove to Sean that he can eat healthy, and second he wants to do something nice for Sean after all the help and support he gave him. He knows Sean could have just let him stay at his place, without minding his business, but fact is he did far more for him than Nick ever expected. Without him he would probably still be sucked into the abyss in front of him.

It’s still here, the abyss of his mind, but now Nick can deal with it better. And he knows what to do when he indeed gets sucked into the darkness.

He smirks when he hears the front door open. Sean halts in his steps, then seems to approach the kitchen. “You cooked,” Sean looks at him in surprise.

“Bad idea?” Nick wants to know. “It’s curry with vegetables and rice. I just wanted to do something useful. And I figured we have to eat, so...”

“No, it’s fine. It’s just… unusual for me.” Sean tilts his head, looking a bit confused.

“Did no one ever cook for you?”

“It’s been forever that I had a home-cooked meal,” Sean admits.

Nick can’t quite help the omega in him turning and churning in sadness and pity.

“Detective, don’t give me that omega look of pity,” Sean teases dryly. “It’s not that sad. I just don’t like to cook.”

“I will cook for you occasionally,” Nick promises.

“Can you even cook?”

“No,” Nick grins. “Might learn it. Maybe from Monroe.”

His words have the wanted effect, because Sean snorts. “And how’s that supposed to help me?”

“Hey, his vegan burger isn’t that bad,” Nick grins.

“I bet,” Sean mutters.

“So, how about having dinner and some beer?” Nick offers.

“I do you one better,” Sean states in amusement. “Let’s eat dinner and then go out for a drink.”

Nick blinks. “That’s actually a good idea.”

“Why do you sound so surprised? Are my ideas so bad normally?”

Nick shrugs. “This one is particularly good,” he grins. “Where do you want to go to? I assume Hank’s and mine favourite club won’t be to your liking.”

“How about we settle for something which is not a dark shady club but also not a suit-required bar,” Sean offers. “Monroe mentioned a nice bar the last time we met him.”

“Right,” Nick nods tentatively. “I could call him and ask.”

“How about you ask him to join?” Sean offers.

Nick nods contently. This is getting better and better, he decides. It’s been a while that he felt that happy.

~~~

They meet Monroe and Rosalee in said bar. A nice place, not too fancy, yet Sean still gets his cognac. Two hours later though Nick and Monroe have finally convinced him to go to their favourite pub next for some beer.

“A casual place won’t kill you,” Nick grins.

“It’s not even that casual,” Monroe points out.

“It is,” Rosalee chuckles. “Don’t worry, Sean, I am coming too. It’s not going to be a complete disaster.”

Sean gives in with an exasperated sigh. “Fine, you won. I hope for you that the food is as good as you promised.”

Nick chuckles softly. By now he knows that Sean’s threats and snarky comments are his very own way to mask that he is indeed feeling happy, touched or slightly embarrassed. Complicated dude, but worth the effort.

He enjoys his time, it seems, and he also doesn’t hate the pub they drag him to.

Rosalee decides to go back home around midnight, she has to open her spice shop early tomorrow. Monroe accompanies her, obviously. Nick and Sean however decide to stay a bit longer.

“Do you like your fries?” Nick asks.

“They are not bad,” Sean admits. “I wouldn’t have them daily, but once in a while, it’s doable.”

Nick nods contently, turning his head slightly to look at the bar counter. He rolls his eyes in annoyance when he sees a guy with black hair, bit older than him. “He is here again,” he complains.

“Who?” Sean wants to know.

“That guy there,” Nick nods towards the bar. “That’s Jack. He is hitting on me all the time.”

“No interest?” Sean asks in amusement.

“Not at all.”

Sean frowns slightly. “He is getting on your nerves?”

“Yes. I would be able to deal with his flirting, but he is obnoxious and arrogant. He is an alpha, and thinks he can basically force me into going out with him,” Nick frowns. “I can’t wait till I am fit enough to punch him.”

“Is that so?” Sean asks, a hint of steel in his voice. His whole body language is different all of a sudden. He is pissed. “He harasses you?”

Nick shrugs. “It’s pretty usual for us omegas to have annoying alphas trying to get into our pants.”

Sean stares at him for a very long time, before a sadistic smile creeps on his lips. “I just might have an idea. Would you be in for a little bit of fun?”

“Fun?” Nick asks curiously.

“Yes, let’s make sure he won’t harass you any further,” Sean states.

Nick blinks, surprised at Sean’s flippant tone. Seems like some beer works miracles on him. He grins and leans forward a bit. “Fill me in.”

“He hasn’t seen you yet tonight, has he?” When Nick shakes his head, Sean smirks. “Good.”

Nick moves towards the bar counter, as gracefully as he manages with his still annoyingly bad leg. He leans over the counter, smiling brightly at the barkeeper. He pretends he doesn’t see Jack. “Two glasses of whisky,” he orders.

“Nick,” Jack catches on immediately, slipping closer and putting a hand on his shoulder. Ugh. Go away. Nick suppresses a shiver. What is this guy thinking? Why does he think it’s okay to touch him?

Nick turns his head, looking at Jack politely. “It’s you,” he sighs. “Jack, I told you I have no interest.”

“That’s because you never gave me a chance,” Jack argues. “I am quite a catch.”

Nick has to try hard not to laugh out loud. Right. A catch. To whom? “I don’t mean to be impolite, Jack,” he smiles sweetly. “But I do have a certain type.”

“Really?” Jack raises his eyebrows. “I saw you flirting with alphas before, most of them didn’t seem to belong to one specific type.”

Nick chuckles. “Well, let me put it like this: Now I have a certain type.” He notes how Jack frowns slightly. He probably thinks he is just making things up, Nick knows guys like him too well. They believe they are the centre of the universe and won’t take a no for a no. Jack thinks Nick is just randomly making up a new lover, which is why…

“Nicholas,” Nick turns his head slightly, pretending to be surprised. He beams happily and waves slightly, waiting for Sean to walk past the other guests. He notes in amusement how Sean is all… alpha. He is tall and muscular and confident and strong, and he fucking shows it.

“Hello lover,” Nick throws him his best seductive glance when Sean is finally standing next to them.

“Been flirting again, huh?” Sean asks, placing a possessive hand on Nick’s shoulders.

“Not really,” Nick leans back slightly, hiding his grin when Sean puts his arm around his shoulder.

“Who is that?”

“That’s Jack,” Nick says casually, before he beams at said man. “That’s the one I was talking about,” he giggles. “Sean is working for the police, you know?” Nothing works more on alphas than a young omega… unless said omega has a very dominant alpha at his side. Like Sean. “Cool, huh?”

“I am cool?” Sean smirks.

Nick smiles sweetly. “And strong.”

“Oh, you little charming minx,” Sean flirts effortlessly.

Nick sighs happily, bending forward a bit. He pretends like he doesn’t notice the glare of death Sean sends Jack.

“I think I have to go, sorry,” Jack interrupts them. He looks nervous, stressed even. “I… my girlfriend is waiting.”

“Oh, is she? Well then, have a nice evening,” Sean says in a tone which could as well murder someone.

“Bye Jack,” Nick says and waves.

They wait for him to disappear from the bar before they exchange a glance. Then they burst into laughter.

“Hello lover?” Sean chuckles. “You almost had me there. I had to fight hard not to start laughing.”

“Says the guy who just called me a charming minx,” Nick grins.

Sean smirks. “I guess poor Jack won’t get on your nerves anymore.”

“Aw, he is probably to frightened of my strong alpha.”

“Convenient how you mentioned that I am working for the police.”

“Convenient how you stretched a bit to show him you were wearing your badge,” Nick shoots right back.

They both laugh again.

This night when Nick goes to bed he realizes a few things. First, he is almost back to normal. As normal as he can be after what happened to him. But he is dealing with it. He can laugh again and enjoy his time with his friends. He has his confidence back. Second, his body is recovering too. Which leads him to third… his time as Sean’s room-mate is coming to an end. He knows it, and he figures Sean knows it too. He is able to do a lot of things on his own again. He sighs, he will miss being with Sean, but at the same time he also misses his independence.

It’s about time, he thinks. It’s about time. That’s the natural course.

He realizes it even more when he suddenly figures how he is more active. He goes out by himself to meet with Monroe, and no one had to pick him up or to drive him. He just took the bus. He is going to the precinct twice a week now, despite his original deal with Sean. He stays there the whole day, he even questioned a subject together with Hank the other day . Sean didn’t complain, or oppose, he didn’t even comment on it. The same week Joel signs a document for him which states that although he should proceed going to therapy once every two weeks he is not at the risk of harming himself anymore.

“Be proud of yourself,” Joel says with a smile. “You fought a lot during the last months.”

Nick nods tentatively. “I had help,” he admits.

“Most of it you did by yourself though,” Joel looks at him encouragingly. “Nick, we can only help people who want to change something. Sure, you had help but without you fighting so much it would have been fruitless. Be proud.”

Nick blushes slightly. “Okay.”

When he goes to the bathroom this night, he takes his sleeping pills with him, flushing them in the toilet. He doesn’t need them anymore.

A few days later he meets Sean for a late-night drink in the bar they frequented recently. He wonders what Sean wants to talk about and why they have to do it here, when Sean hands him an envelope. Nick blinks. “Is this...”

“Yes,” Sean smiles slightly. “I got it today. It’s officially signed by the hospital, by me, and got the official stamp of the ministry.”

Nick can barely believe it when he skims through the documents. Finally, he is officially off the supervision and done with the rehab. The hospital assures that he can live on his own again, and… he can go back to work. “I can work again, properly,” he says quietly. “I...”

“Yes,” Sean nods. “Well, it needs some adapting of course. You can’t go chasing culprits yet, but starting from next week I expect to see you at work.”

“Finally,” Nick states, his voice shaking slightly. “Thank you, Sean. Without you… it wouldn’t have been… you know...”

“How about a drink?” Sean offers much to Nick’s relief. He doesn’t need to burst into tears right here right now. “Let’s celebrate a bit.”

Nick nods happily.

~~~

“If you don’t pay my beer tonight I will tell the Captain that you were trying to chase our suspect,” Hank states in a matter-of-fact tone while manoeuvring their car through the garage.

“Wow, are you really my friend?” Nick complains. “Mean and calculating!”

“Beer or Captain Renard gets your head,” Hank grins.

Nick throws him a glare. “You will so get this back,” he mutters. “Just wait.”

His good mood is restored fast though. They managed to wrap up a case, and he is going out with his friends tonight. Even Wu is coming. He just needs to invite Sean now. Unexpectedly though – or maybe he should have expected it – Sean politely declines.

“Why not?” Nick asks with a frown. Ever since he moved out from Sean’s place he realized that there is a sudden distance between them. He can’t quite explain it. Sure, they aren’t living together anymore, but it doesn’t mean they can’t hang out. He got used to his regular meetings, workouts, drinks and discussion with Sean. Doesn’t want to miss it again.

“You don’t need to force yourself to pay me back or anything,” Sean states calmly. “There is no need for it. I helped you, and I did it willingly. I don’t want anything in return.”

It finally dawns on Nick. Sean thinks Nick is just being polite because he thinks he owes Sean something. Well, he does. But it’s not why Nick wants to invite him out.

Gee, Nick thinks, how proud and stubborn and difficult can one single person possibly be!?

“What’s this?” Hank asks in surprise when Nick sits down again two beer in his hand. A normal one for him, and-

“Your beer,” Nick smiles innocently. “As promised. It’s from their Halloween special. Comes with pumpkin spice.”

“It’s sweet and sugary!”

“Oh, really?” Nick smiles sweetly. “I didn’t notice!”

“Who is playing dirty now?” Hank grumbles.

Nick grins. “Big words for someone who blackmailed his partner today.”

They bicker for a bit longer until Monroe interrupts them by laughing. “Stop it now, and hand me the menu. I need something to eat.”

“They have a vegan burger on the menu,” Nick explains. “I have heard it’s pretty decent.”

“Good.” Monroe nods contently. “Where is Sean by the way? Is he still coming?”

“He-” For a split second Nick wavers, but then he smiles. “He had a surprise meeting,” he lies. He doesn’t know why he can’t tell the others what happened. He… just can’t. He wants to try to solve it first. It’s something between him and Sean after all. He nods to himself. He knows Sean well now, he has seen sides of him the others don’t know. He knows he will find a way through to him!

“Sucks being the Captain,” Wu muses sympathetically.

“He will join us next time,” Nick promises.

~~~

Nick looks at his calendar thoughtfully. He wants to work out. He is doing well and all, but fighting was still impossible for him up to now. This week however his doctor told him he could start training again… carefully and definitely not on his own.

God, Nick wants to have his full mobility back. He wants to be able to kick a culprit’s butt. He needs to work out and carefully get back into his fighting routine.

He could ask Monroe for a little help, or better… Hank. But he doesn’t want to. He needs someone who will challenge him and push him and be firm. He knows exactly who he needs.

Nick sighs.

Come on, Nick. He takes a deep breath. Time to face his own doubts again… and Sean.

He doesn’t postpone it further. He is going to face Sean now. And when they are on it, he will also tell him he has to join them for a beer later, just like he promised the other guys. Sean is just proud, Nick figures, and insecure. Someone else might see arrogance in his behaviour or maybe think that Sean doesn’t care, but Nick knows better now. He knows that deep inside Sean is just uncertain that Nick and the others really want him as their friend.

Nick parks the car in front of Sean’s house and without thinking further heads to the door and rings. Sean opens after a few minutes. He is clearly surprised. “Nick? Is everything alright? Are you feeling unwell?”

“Don’t worry,” Nick says firmly. “I am feeling perfectly fine.”

“Did you forget something at my place? You could have called.”

Nick ignores his question, instead he looks at Sean firmly. “Come,” he nods towards him. “Change into your training clothes and then let’s go!”

Sean blinks. “Excuse me?”

“I am here to pick you up for a workout.”

“You are...what?”

“I want to work out with you,” Nick explains patiently. “That’s why I am here. And then we will go for some drinks. Monroe and Hank are coming too.”

Sean sighs. He sounds a bit frustrated, maybe even annoyed. Nick couldn’t care less though. “I told you-”

“I know what you told me, I was there with you,” Nick huffs. “And I call bullshit on it. I, I lied because of you in front of Monroe and Hank last time, because guess what, they were looking forward to seeing you and I didn’t want to disappoint them! The only reason I didn’t say anything in the precinct was out mere respect for you, but now we are in private, and I couldn’t care less about what kind of scheme you are seeing in me asking you out or what you think I might be thinking. Because you are wrong. I am not asking you to join me because you helped me, but because I see you as a friend. I like hanging out with you. And it feels weird being on my own again, I miss how you challenge me. Frankly Monroe is too much of a scaredy-cat to do that, and Hank has awful mother-hen-tendencies. You are the only one who can challenge me and spur me on, you understand me in a way the others can’t, and yes, I like that very much. I like you. And if you really think I would be here, making an absolute idiot out of myself in front of you right now, just to pay you back, you are a way bigger idiot than I thought you are!” He takes a deep breath, tired of his long rant and blushing slightly when he realizes what kind of insults he just threw at Sean’s head.

Sean will most likely verbally rip him apart.

“You have some nerves,” Sean states and crosses his arms in front of his body. Nick’s mood sinks even further, just to be raised again when Sean furrows his eyebrows in a determined way. “For the last sentence alone I am going to whip you into shape, infuriating Grimm!”

Nick blinks and lets his words sink in, then he beams. “I managed to talk sense into you!? This is a first! Pity I can’t tell Hank.”

“You won’t tell anyone anything,” Sean mutters.

Nick winks at him, and grins. “So we share a secret, Captain?”

“Now that sounds awkward too.” Sean complains. He looks at Nick for a while, before he nods. “So, training, huh?”

Nick smiles happily. “I am expecting you to be as strict as possible.”

Sean raises his eyebrows. “Oh, sweetheart,” he says with a deathly smile. “Don’t worry. You just yelled at me for three minutes straight. You will beg me to stop.”

Nick grins. “Great! Go and change, I will be waiting in my car. Oh, and we are going to a new pub later with the others, just so you know. They have whisky, so don’t worry.”

Sean looks at him, shaking his head slightly. His previous annoyance and slight irritation wears off though and makes place for an amused expression, before he even cracks a smile. “You are one of a kind, Nick.”

Nick smiles slightly. “You too,” he says. “Two of a kind.”