Chapter Text
[1:37 pm, Saturday 12th of July 2019]
bakersdelight added knifeman, gremm, righthandman and princess to a new chat.
bakersdelight named the chat “pls be nice to him he’s an angel”
pls be nice to him he’s an angel
gremm: da fuq u want?? Its soooo freaking E ARL Y
righthandman: pidge its noon
gremm: its a SATURDAY DAD
righthandman: smh i cant believe the condom broke
gremm: wh
princess: oof
knifeman: why the hell am I here
princess: bc, regrettably, we like you
knifeman: thats so straight of you
princess: TAKE RHAT BACK YOU FUCKING OVERGEOWN EGGPLANT
righthandman: wow a dumb insult in the first minute, i think thats a record
gremm named the chat “FUCKING OVERGEOWN EGGLANT”
gremm: now all's right with the world
bakersdelight: i knew this would happen but im not even surprised, smh
bakersdelight: but
bakersdelight names the chat “Welcome to America, Lance”
knifeman: who tf is lance
knifeman: and who names their kid lance thats just sad
righthandman: ur just jealous that you weren’t named after a weapon you dingus
princess: don’t expose him he’ll just revert to his little hermit shell on the beach
gremm changed knifeman’s name to “eggplanthermit”
eggplanthermit: fuck u you turnip
gremm: gasp
bakersdelight: as much as I love it when we insult food here, I really need all of you to pull it together
righthandman: bold of you to assume that’s even possible
princess: are we just gonna ignore that Keith wrote “u you”??
bakersdelight: GUYS PLEASE THERES A NEW GUY AR SCHOOL AND LITERALLY NOBODY WANTED TO TALK TO HIM AND I JUST WANT HIM TO FEEL WELCOME HERE SO CAN YOU JUST P L E A S E PULL YOUR RESPECTIVE SHITS TOGETHER AND JUST WORK WITH ME
[2:30 pm, Friday —11th of July 2019]
Untitled
bakersdelight named the chat “the two amigos”
the two amigos
bakersdelight: is this a good name or do you want something else
Lance: That's fine, I am not very creative so I don’t have a good name
bakersdelight: you know it really blows my mind that you only started learning english just a few months ago
Lance: I do not understand, is there something wrong with how I speak?
bakersdelight: NO omg no no no no no no N TO THE FLIPPIN O
bakersdelight: I’m just saying that you must be so smart?? See english is my first language, I learnt Samoan at the same time so yeah, and even I know how complicated it is, I’m just saying that you’re really, REALLY smart if you can speak so well in such little time
bakersdelight: omg I see you blushing over there
Lance: What does that mean?
bakersdelight: uhhh, you blushing?
Lance: No I am talking about the omg
Lance: Did you type it by accident?
bakersdelight: what? That means ‘oh my god’ it’s just an acronym
Lance: Oh, okay
bakersdelight: uhhh hey can I ask you a question?
Lance: You just did
bakersdelight: G AS P
bakersdelight: who are you and what did you do to that sweet, quiet and nice kid that was here a minute ago
Lance: What? But I thought I was supposed to be paired with a Tsuyoshi Garrett? Is that not you?
bakersdelight: oh lol no wait it was a joke
Lance: Oh
Lance: Is lol another acronym?
bakersdelight: yeah it means ‘laugh out loud’
Lance: But you didn’t laugh, I can see you
bakersdelight: you haven’t been on the internet much have you
Lance: Um
Lance: Do I have to answer that?
bakersdelight: honestly no I can just tell that you’ve been deprived
Lance: I apologise
bakersdelight: woah hold the phone, why are you sorry??
Lance: I cannot give you good conversation
bakersdelight: buddy, it’s all good okay? I’m not mad and you don’t have to apologise for anything okay??
Lance: Okay
bakersdelight: omg wait no I can see you look sad I’m coming over to give you a big ass hug
Lance: What?
Lance: But the teacher says if anyone makes a sound or moves gets detentiofnjd
——————
[1:42 pm, Saturday —12th of July 2019]
Welcome to America, Lance
bakersdelight: GUYS PLEASE THERES A NEW GUY AR SCHOOL AND LITERALLY NOBODY WANTED TO TALK TO HIM AND I JUST WANT HIM TO FEEL WELCOME HERE SO CAN YOU JUST P L E A S E PULL YOUR RESPECTIVE SHITS TOGETHER AND JUST WORK WITH ME
gremm: jeez hunk chill out
eggplanthermit: why would nobody talk to him? Is he a dick or smth?
righthandman: i highly doubt hunk would associate with a dick
princess: but he’s pan
righthandman: shit u got me there
gremm: hunk can u actually tell us what’s up??
bakersdelight: okay then just hold on lemme get up to my room
bakersdelight: k so lance transferred to school right? And since SOME PEOPLE had decided to DITCH and leave me ALONE
gremm: S NIT C H
righthandman: you what
princess: you what
gremm: it was just target and maccas calm tf down jfc
righthandman: Pidge
gremm: oh god no not the capitalisation pls I’m too young
princess: keith you’re being suspiciously quiet
eggplanthermit: no
righthandman: KEITH
gremm: oh noes he got all caps
gremm: dibs on writing the eulogy
princess: it’s just a gonna say ‘unholy shrieking’ or something isn’t it
gremm: more like ‘the best and worst thing he did was being gay bc it killed him’
eggplanthermit: okay I’m sorry that cashier at target was a huge cutie, he was so ADORABLE AND I JUST COULDNT DEAL WITH HIS ACCENT AND HIS VOICE WAS SO SOFT AND S H IT
gremm: ugh
gremm: dude I just thought you wanted to smash
gremm: didn’t you get his digits or what
eggplanthermit: no he sounded really uncomfortable when I started flirting for real and shit, so I kinda just left and took Pidge to maccas
righthandman: lol u got rejected
eggplanthermit: SHIRO
bakersdelight: YES HELLO CAN WE P L EASE GET BACK ON TRACK HERE
bakersdelight: lance and I were paired up and I was supposed to show him around the school right?
bakersdelight: and yeah I did that but he just seemed so lonely you guys, it was like watching a kicked puppy and I just
bakersdelight: I asked if he wanted to come to a bbq lunch thing at my house tomorrow and I want y’all to be there if you can
bakersdelight: oh and I’m gonna add him here so if any of you make him sad I will hurt you
gremm: Hunk you’ve known him for a day
bakersdelight: and if anyone hurts him I will kill everyone here and then myself
bakersdelight added Lance to the chat
bakersdelight: I want all of you on your best behaviour
righthandman: or what you’ll spank me
princess: :0
bakersdelight: I really should have seen that one coming
gremm: yo lance you gonna stop ghosting or what
Lance: What is ghosting?
[1:49 pm, Saturday —12th of July 2019]
the two amigos
bakersdelight: I’m so sorry about them, their weird so I’m just letting you know
bakersdelight:
they’re gonna be dickheads to you I’m actually so so sorry
[1:52 pm, Saturday —12th of July 2019]
Welcome To America, Lance
righthandman: hi Lance! Nice to meet u
Lance: Hello
eggplanthermit: he texts like a prude smh
princess: keith
gremm: hey loser
bakersdelight: GUYS PLEASE
bakersdelight: just ONC E IN YOUR LIVES
bakersdelight: WORK WITH ME HERE
bakersdelight: OR IM NOT MAKING ANY OF YOU FOOD AG AIN
gremm: ur bluffing, u can’t stand it when one of us don’t eat
bakersdelight: try me
gremm: no
gremm: hi lance welcome to America or whatever ig
Lance: Hi
bakersdelight: ok y’all lets do a sound off, name and pronouns please
bakersdelight: I’m Hunk as u know and my pronouns are he/him
gremm: pidge, they/them, misgender me then u will die
righthandman: I’m takashi shirogane but u can call me shiro, he/him
princess: I’m Allura, she/her
bakersdelight: keith
eggplanthermit: hhhhhhhhhhhhhh I’m keith and he/him ig
Lance: I’m Lance and my pronouns are he/him
[2:01 pm, Saturday —12th of July 2019]
the two amigos
Lance: what does ig mean?
bakersdelight: I guess
Lance: Thank you
[2:01 pm, Saturday — 12th of July 2019]
Welcome To America, Lance
gremm named the chat “interrogaytion room”
interrogaytion room
eggplanthermit: nice
gremm: yw
gremm: so Lance
Lance: Yes?
gremm: stop texting like that omg I can’t even take your srsly wtf
[2:06 pm, Saturday —12th of July 2019]
the two amigos
bakersdelight: srsly = seriously, wtf = what the fuck
Lance: Thank you so much
Lance: What does Pidge mean when they say they want me to stop texting like that? What do I sound like? Is it what Keith said before? A prude?
bakersdelight: omg just wait a bit
[2:06 pm, Saturday —12th of July 2019]
bakersdelight > gremm
bakersdelight: I am literally begging you to be nice
bakersdelight: if you can’t do that then just ghost or smth
[2:06 pm, Saturday —12th of July 2019]
gremm > eggplanthermit
gremm: (screenshot.jpg)
gremm: I am offended
eggplanthermit: lol
eggplanthermit: he’s really protective of this lance guy tho isn’t he?
gremm: ngl hunk is getting on my nerves a little
eggplanthermit: maybe…u should just sit this one out
gremm: U THINK SO TOO???!!!
eggplanthermit: gosh for someone so smart ur so stupid
eggplanthermit: I think lance is travelling from really far pidge, the way he talks and asks questions and shit, idk but he’s just really…he seems really closed off and I wouldn’t blame him
eggplanthermit: I think English is his second language or smth too
eggplanthermit: maybe just...chill, okay
eggplanthermit: pidge?
[2:07 pm, Saturday —12th of July 2019]
gremm > righthandman
gremm: (screenshot1.jpg)
gremm: (screenshot2.jpg)
righthandman: he’s more mature than me wtf
[2:07 pm, Saturday —12th of July 2019]
righthandman > eggplanthermit
righthandman: ur so mature omg I knEW I WAS A GOOD INFLUENCE ON YIU YOU FUCKING TURD
[2:07 pm, Saturday —12th of July 2019]
eggplanthermit > gremm
eggplanthermit: I fucking hate you
gremm: lol
[2:07 pm, Saturday —12th of July 2019]
interrogaytion room
princess: so lance where are you from?
Lance: Is this a test?
princess named the chat “not actually an interrogation pidge is just strange”
not actually an interrogation pidge is just strange
gremm: H EY
princess: so lance
gremm: D ON T IG NOR E ME
gremm: I honestly feel so attacked right now
[2:08 pm, Saturday —12th of July 2019]
the two amigos
Lance: I like your friends a lot
bakersdelight: that’s such a relief
[2:08 pm, Saturday —12th of July 2019]
not actually an interrogation pidge is just strange
Lance: I am originally from Cuba but I moved to India for a while, I only moved here a few weeks ago
princess: wow that’s so cool
righthandman: is english your second language?
Lance: It is my fourth
righthandman: WOAH
princess: really??? That’s so cool!!!!
bakersdelight: what other languages do you speak??
Lance: I speak Spanish, Hindi and Japanese
bakersdelight: did you enrol in the Spanish course at school? That’s probably an easy grade
[2:11 pm, Saturday —12th of July 2019]
princess added eggplanthermit, righthandman and gremm to a new chat
princess named the chat “sus”
sus
princess: did hunk just condone cheating
gremm: I vote lance has brainwashed him and we kick him out
eggplanthermit: stop being salty
eggplanthermit: okay wait this is ridiculous
eggplanthermit changed their name to “knifeman”
righthandman: because that is clearly so much better
knifeman: shut up grandpa
gremm: I think you mean daddy
righthandman: pls don’t start this again
princess: GUYS
[2:15pm, Saturday —12th of July 2019]
not actually an interrogation pidge is just strange
Lance: I have to go now, my mama says it’s time to go see my abuela
Lance: Grandma*
Lance: So I have to go, thank you all for talking to me
bakersdelight: dont forget to come over tomorrow!!!
Lance: I’ll bring some empanadas
bakersdelight: can’t wait
Lance: :)
[1:38 am, Saturday —12th of July 2019]
bakersdelight > Gorgeous™
bakersdelight: I have a crush on the new guy