Chapter Text
Honestly, he is incredibly offended. Everything had gone as planned (more or less) and he had been on his way to a quiet and hopefully murder-free existence with all his limbs firmly attached to his body.
And then. AND THEN.
It was all Luo Binghe’s fault, really. 110%. No—200%, it was that bad. He is the protagonist. He can certainly break the bounds of logic!
Ever since he had been relegated into the body of a doomed scum villain in a trashy, beyond-sub-par stallion novel, Shen Yuan had resorted to a state of near-constant internal screaming to save what little face he could.
But in his dreams, he has no such inhibitions.
And even though it is just a dream, when he is facing down that massive, floating, damned neon red notification box from the system, he really snaps.
Whatever he does, it is never enough, and it never has been. Not in his past life, not now, never.
So it is forgivable that he is too busy ranting and venting his anger physically on the floating box to notice that there is an intruder in his dream.
Not that it would matter if someone saw, really; this is Shen Yuan, not Shen Qingqiu, with short, dyed-silver hair fading to deep brown at the roots, a pathetic echo of his old, old self, before disease had started eating away at his body. The t-shirt splashed obnoxiously with the logo of a Western band he can still (somehow) name after all these years, the dark blue denim jacket and matching jeans, the sneakers—none of it jives with this world, too out of sync and out of the ordinary.
Still, Shen Yuan panics at the fingers wrapping around his wrist and yanking his bloodied hand away from the back of his neck, where his nails had been biting into his flesh. His back arches with the awkward position as the hand moves up to tug his elbow back, but the pain gets him to stop freaking out at the stupid System and instead freak out that there is someone else in his dream and oh NO that is NOT supposed to happen what the fuCK—
Another hand settling over his mouth cuts off Shen Yuan’s verbal protests but only worsens his burgeoning panic. Never before, in all his years inhabiting this...crazy, plot-hole-riddled, papapa-packed world...has anyone else entered his dreams. Of course, it is entirely possible, but his dreamscape—wildly variable, ranging from modern streets to empty void to various locations mushed together in one chaotic union of modern and novel over which Shen Yuan has no control—should definitely not be powerful enough to draw anyone into it. Any visitor must come from the outside in voluntarily.
…right?
So who the hell is this?
...wait.
The realization of exactly how tenuous his situation might be makes Shen Yuan freeze suddenly, arm still locked behind him. In a few seconds, the hand over his mouth comes down and presses to his shoulder blade, ensuring he cannot wiggle away.
With his mouth free, Shen Yuan gets up the courage to start a conversation, since the man behind him doesn’t seem interested in breaking the ice himself.
“Uh…hi?” He ventures, in Mandarin this time because even though he was ranting fluently in both languages before, he is pretty sure the person behind him can’t understand English.
Though with his damned protagonist’s halo, he would probably be able to pick it up pretty fast, Shen Yuan curses to himself.
Stupid talented attractive blackened lotus!
When there is no response other than the hand at his elbow loosening its grip, Shen Yuan risks tugging his arm out of his captor’s iron fist.
Turns out that is the wrong move.
Flattened against that stupid red sign, Shen Yuan vocalizes some colorful English curses on his shit luck for the millionth time that dream. “Can you please just let me go? I won’t—I won’t try anything, I swear.” Not that an escape attempt would help him, but it is the thought that counts, right?
And damn it if those hands don’t at least feel real enough to tear him apart.
There is no response from behind him, but Shen Yuan can feel burning eyes fixed on his back. They stay there, locked on the back of his head, until finally, finally his arm comes back down in front of him and he almost groans as the painful tension in his shoulder dissipates.
Shen Yuan closes his eyes, mentally preparing himself to turn around. Unfortunately, his visitor becomes impatient before Shen Yuan can work up the courage. Strong hands land on his waist and drag him around to face—yep, that is Luo Binghe, the ridiculously OP protagonist himself.
At least Shen Yuan does not look like Shen Qingqiu right now, he thinks grimly. After experiencing…the last dream he and Luo Binghe had shared, Shen Yuan cannot be sure of how the demon lord would react should he be confronted with his former teacher’s face.
Still, Luo Binghe is decidedly not in a good mood, judging from the murderous glare he has leveled at Shen Yuan, who, unfortunately, is around a head shorter and has to crane his head back to make eye contact. But he never had a chance of intimidating the protagonist into backing down anyway, so Shen Yuan merely mourns his uncomfortably cricked neck.
“What...ah, what do you want?”
Luo Binghe is too close for comfort, still pinning Shen Yuan to that fucking sign by his hips, which—ow—is incredibly unnecessary. Where would he go? There is nowhere in this dim, empty expanse where he could flee.
Binghe’s head tilts, eyes narrowed, and Shen Yuan feels an odd pang in his chest at that familiar, almost-innocent motion.
“Who are you.”
Okay, okay, a simple, straightforward question, he can do this.
“. . .”
…he can’t do this.
Shit, will Binghe be suspicious if he uses his modern-day name? Should he give the obvious lie of his forum name instead? Binghe, please give this transmigrator more signals about what he can do to not die!
As if in response, the grasp on his hips somehow manages to tighten further, and if this were not a dream, it would certainly leave him with dark bruises. Luo Binghe leans forward, scarlet irises boring into Shen Yuan’s dark ones.
“Who. Are. You.”
Shen Yuan’s mouth opens, and he gathers himself to answer without starting to yell about how ridiculously persistent Luo Binghe is in interrupting his life. After a minute of hesitation, he very coherently says,
“…uh.”
Shen Yuan must be imagining things because for a split second Luo Binghe’s mouth tenses like he is suppressing a smile at Shen Yuan’s stuttering. Binghe! Don’t you know it is rude to laugh at other people’s misfortunes?! Did Shen Yuan really fail so miserably at being a teacher?
(He knows that the answer is yes but steadfastly ignores that fact.)
“Cucumber!” Shen Yuan instantly winces internally, praying that Luo Binghe did not overhear Shen Yuan’s introduction to Sha Hualing earlier. He doesn’t want to be recognized and die a slow and painful death in his own dream, thank you very much!
“…what?”
“My name.”
Luo Binghe sneers. One hand releases Shen Yuan’s poor, abused hip only to grip his jaw with that same bruising force. “Don’t try and lie to me.”
This really is too much! Can’t Luo Binghe keep his hands off this transmigrator in his dreams, at least? He may be a demon lord now but Shen Yuan is just an insignificant human in a DIY cheat body! A blip that never even reared its head in Shang Qinghua’s original trash fire of cheap instant ramen and word vomit passed off as a webnovel!
Why can’t Shen Yuan just get some peace?! All he wants is to get out of this stupid trainwreck of a plot! It is not that big of a request!
“I am not! lying!”
Luo Binghe’s expression tightens thunderously with his fingers. “Watch yourself, human.”
Oh, so it is “human”, is it?! Manners, Binghe, manners!! You should really stop listening to Xin Mo, they are obviously a terrible influence!
Internally, Shen Yuan is certain that he is going the same way as the original goods, but he is also fed up. Pushed to his limit. Give a man a little privacy to vent, Binghe! Get out of his dreams!
“You know what? I do not want to!”
You have a death wish, A-Yuan! his inner voice sobs. This dream-you is such a masochist! Where is your sense of self-preservation?
Probably still buried in the earth where Shang Qinghua had planted those seeds, Shen Yuan thinks grimly, where his past life’s troubles should have stayed instead of rising from the dead to pursue him.
“I have put up with too! much! bullshit! up to this point! If the Demon Lord wants respect, he can kindly remove himself from my dreams and look for it elsewhere!”
Shen Yuan’s chest heaves with his ill-advised outburst, relieved and terrified in equal measure. He may be oblivious but he is not unintelligent, he can tell when someone can and/or wants to kill him. Still, he fixes Luo Binghe with a defiant glare.
The stare the half-demon levels on him in return bleeds slowly from incredulous to evaluating.
“So this stranger knows who I am, what I am, and yet…” his eyes flicker up and down Shen Yuans distinctly non-xianxia face and outfit, and Shen Yuan feels a twinge of irritation at being judged like that. He didn’t exactly get to pick his dream-clothes!
Although he does like the hair.
“…and yet, you have such a different bearing, and…ah…everything, than anyone I have ever met.” He leans in even closer, and wow, Shen Yuan’s dream is very detailed! He could count the Demon Lord’s long eyelashes from this distance!
“So. Who are you really? Where are you from? And how, oh stranger, did you interrupt this Luo Binghe’s dreams?”
Shen Yuan sniffs. “I am pretty sure that you were the one invading my dreams without permission, thank you very much.”
At least Luo Binghe doesn’t (immediately) tear off his arms for sassing him like that, which is nice. Shen Yuan can’t really feel his waist anymore but dream-sensations are weird anyway.
Luo Binghe smirks darkly. “You have a lot of spine for such an unproven man.”
“Thanks, I got it in a gift shop for half off,” Shen Yuan responds sarcastically before he can think, and when he does think, it is a mix of ‘wtf did I just say’ and hysterical giggling.
Luo Binghe blinks, and Shen Yuan knows he has caught the former Qing Jing disciple off-guard. The Demon Lord, wielder of Xin Mo, baffled by discounts.
What a time to be alive!
“Hmm.” Luo Binghe recovers fast, Shen Yuan has to hand it to him. “Stop dodging my questions, Cucumber. What are you?”
In another brief bout of insanity, Shen Yuan is very, very tempted to call himself a Russian with a straight face and see how Binghe reacts to the foreign word, but decides against it at the last moment.
“Human. I am a plain, ordinary human.”
Another confused blink followed by a disbelieving glare. “Try again,” Luo Binghe hisses, jerking Shen Yuan’s head back by the grip on his chin.
The movement rips a pained gasp from Shen Yuan’s lips, slipping off his tongue before he can swallow it back, and when he answers it is less provocative. “I am telling the truth! There is nothing—nothing special about me! In fact, I am less than ordinary, since I don’t really exist!”
Well shit. He was 1000% not supposed to say that. Curse Luo Binghe and his stupid protagonist powers of interrogation!
His chin falls and he breathes a silent sigh of relief.
“Explain.”
Luo Binghe’s voice is cold.
Shen Yuan sighs again, massaging his bruised jaw with his fingers. “As you see me, I am a figment of your imagination…or someone’s, anyway,” he amends as the half-demon’s eyes flare with disbelief.
It is technically the truth, seeing as Shen Yuan hasnt looked like this in…well, in years.
A pang of nostalgia impales itself unexpectedly in his heart. It has been so long since he has looked like this, since he has seen his little sister, since he has not had the System jabbering constantly in his ear, since he met the little white lotus that grew into…this. This domineering, powerful, handsome, unbearably lonely man in front of him who—
Snap out of it, Shen Yuan!! his inner voice screeches. Binghe is Luo Binghe, the Proud Immortal Demon Way protagonist! He doesn’t need your sympathy! Especially not while he has you pressed up against—
System!! What is this? A supersized multiple choice box? When did that happen?! Have you really gotten tired of rubbing this transmigrator’s failures in his face? Why are you AND Luo Binghe BOTH in his dream? Have you shunted him into his old body in this new world without his noticing?
SYSTEM!
There is no response. Typical! 0 stars and a profanity-ridden complaint about this awful customer service!
Luo Binghe catches him attempting to turn the System’s floating screen into ash with only his (sadly ineffective) glare and glances up, eyes skimming across the words, and Shen Yuan groans internally.
[Welcome! ‘Build Anonymous Relationship With The Protagonist’ Path unlocked! Please select one:]
[A - Stay silent]
[B - Tell the full truth]
[C - Tell the partial truth]
[D - Activate ‘Small Scenario Pusher’ for 20 B points]
What are these options? They are all terrible! Horrible! Worse than usual! He did not know that was even possible! Was the System high on caffeine at two am when it scripted these choices? Where is his escape route! Is this an actual dream or a real mission? Shen Yuan cannot even tell anymore!
Luo Binghe’s brow furrows slightly. “Protagonist? …Scenario pusher?”
Shen Yuan pales and smacks his hand over the words. “No! Absolutely not!”
The robotic voice of the System echoes in the surprised silence.
[Would you like to select Option D?]
“No!” Shen Yuan growls.
[Warning: you must select one of these actions.]
“Fuck you!”
Luo Binghe's hand drops to Xin Mo, ever at his side. “What is that voice?”
There is a loud ping.
[Welcome to our custom interface!]
Alarm bells go off in Shen Yuan’s brain. The System does not interact with others! What is happening?!
[Due to the drastic nature of this development, the Emergency Procedure has been initiated,] the System says innocently in its familiarly flat intonation.
“What Emergency Procedure?! What is going on? System!” Shen Yuan abandons all caution in the face of this…this insane twist! Didn’t the System just say this was a new path?! Why the sudden shift?
Has Luo Binghe finally broken the System?!
[It seems this System has a bug. As this System is routed directly through the user’s mind, and the protagonist has entered the user’s mind through his dream, the protagonist currently has direct access to the System,] it chirps. [We regret to inform you that this occurrence will dock you 100 B points.]
Unscientific! Completely and utterly unscientific!!
Shen Yuan’s eyes must be bulging—either that or he has grown a second head, from the way Luo Binghe is looking at him. “What?! This is not even my fault! The protagonist crashed my dreams, dammit! I did not exactly invite him!”
The demon lord in front of him growls.
Shen Yuan ignores him.
[Regrettably, this System does not currently support manual troubleshooting. Please hold your complaints until this feature is provided.]
“And when is that going to happen?” Shen Yuan throws up his hands.
[. . .]
“Fine, just do not answer. What is the Emergency Procedure?”
[System rebooting. Please stand by. You will be ejected from this dream in three.]
Shen Yuan’s eyes fly open. “Wha—”
[Two. O—]
He feels Luo Binghe’s fingers curl around his wrist and the world collapses with a robotic whirr.
In a split second, it coalesces once again.
Unnaturally gray skies arch overhead. Around them, bamboo towers with no end in sight. There is an eerie feeling in the air, trilling in his bones.
Shen Yuan knows this atmosphere. Luo Binghe’s dream realm. Make one wrong move here and Luo Binghe might literally break his mind.
Shen Yuan raises his free hand instinctively and almost screams at the glittering golden skin wrapping around his arm, lengthening his fingers into an elegant, translucent parody of—of—
“…Shizun?”
“. . .”
Fuck.