Chapter Text
“Good Evening my offspring are your hungry child bellies ready, for your dinner” Professor Membrane asked as a flying drone zipped around the room spooning bits of nutritious sludge onto their plates. Gaz didn’t look up from her handheld game simply moved the plate around with her elbow so the food landed appropriately. Dib was too busy glaring at the third member of the table to notice or care that goop was thrown at his head. Zim smiled demurely as he scooped some sludge off of the wall and took a bite.
“DELCIOUS Father Membrane Professor Sir, truly genius,” the green child said as he folded his hands in front of him, making no move to eat more. “Now please tell me, in extreme detail, the events of your day, specifically the schematics of your latest weapons and evil plots. Tell Zim.” Dib hissed across the table.
“Dib do not hiss at your new green brother, especially when Junior’s asking such astute questions about my marvelous inventions,” Membrane beamed, reaching over to pat Zim’s head. The alien practically purred at the contact. “After dinner I would be happy to take you down into the lab and spent hours explaining how to use all of my technology.”
“Dad you can’t be serious!” Dib exclaimed, making to climb up on the table but Gaz pulled him back into his seat with one hand. She was tired of seeing his footprints all over the table. “Why can’t you see Zim is an alien, I mean look at him, he’s green, and he’s just using you to try and destroy the Earth!?”
“LIES, L I E S,” Zim shouted, also looking to climb onto the table when Gaz forced him back down. “But if you are planning the destruction of humanity, Membrane Father Sir then I would be very interested in hearing about it.” Zim said primly to the Professor.
“Do you see? Can none of your see what’s right in front of you??” Dib wailed letting his head fall onto his plate of various food splatters.
“Now, now, calm down my insane impressionable son,” Membrane soothed, patting one of Dib’s hands. “Every young scientist goes through a phase in their life in which they wish to destroy and dominate the Earth. It’s perfectly natural, I, Professor Membrane, had some truly wicked ideas when I was a young lad.”
“Really?” Zim and Dib asked at once only to glare heartily at one another.
“Of course,” the Professor laughed. “Oh I had some truly devious inventions back in the day: lasers that turned people’s bones to gelatin, a device to reverse Earth’s gravity, I even built an earthquake machine that would have ripped apart the Earth’s core and sent entire continents hurtling into space!”
“Dad!” Dib exclaimed with a horrified look at his father while Zim looked up from where he was taking detailed notes.
“No, don’t listen to the Dib Brother, please continue Sir Membrane Father.”
“But I grew past all that nonsense,” the Professor said with a little wave, “destruction for destruction’s sake is a miserable and ultimately futile exercise. Desolation never lasts long, humanity is always building and creating so anything that is broken will always be made again. It’s far more rewarding and interesting to make new things for the world.”
“But what if we find validation in destruction, what if my Tallest I mean, my poor deceased parental unit figures, only care for my ability to enslave other inferior beings?” Zim asked quietly, clutching his notebook to his chest. Dib scoffed and averted his eyes. He hated seeing his mortal enemy looking vulnerable, almost as much as he hated Zim looking up at their his Dad with such open admiration.
“Then your old parents were fools, Junior, for true happiness lies in creation,” Membrane explained, setting a hand on Zim’s shoulder. “I gave up on my dreams of conquering when Dib and Gaz came into my life, and now that you are a part of our family, you too can help us spread peace and goodness to the entire planet.” Conflict stole across Zim’s face, Membrane’s words and comforting touch at war with his loyal Irken Invader blood. He was prevented from answering by a high pitched screaming noise and Gir smashing through the window and face planting onto the floor.
“I JUST STOLE A GUN!” The little robot keened gleefully, unzipping his suit almost completely in order to pull out the weapon. “I’M GONNA USE IT TO MAKE GUNBO”
“Excellent work Gir!” Zim shouted, starting to stand again when Gaz slapped the back on his knee and he also fell face first into his food, undeterred, he stood up again. “We shall use this “gun” as part of our multi-step process to take over this filthy, disgusting worm planet!” That said, Zim grabbed the gun and ran off into the house laughing maniacally.
“Zim! You won’t get a chance because I’m going to stop you!” Dib screeched, jumping out of his chair and chasing after. Well first he tripped on his coat and fell to the floor but then he got up and ran after his adopted brother.
“ARE YOU GONNA EAT THOSE CANS?” Gir asked pointing to the empty cans that had been used to make dinner.
“No, please enjoy strange green dog I don’t remember purchasing,” Membrane said tossing the empty cans to Gir who ate one and shot lasers at the other two, scooping the ashes into a cup and slurping it before wandering off. “My goodness technology sure has improved dogs since my day.”
“ZIM! WHEN I CATCH YOU- AHH!” There was the sound of laughter and screaming from both boys as the sound of gunfire filled the house.
“Dad, Zim and Dib are being loud, can you sew their mouths shut to make them stop,” Gaz grumbled, hunching over her video game to try and drown out the sounds of insanity and suffering resounding through the house.
“Oh Gazlene,” Membrane sighed happily, picking his daughter up and setting her in his lap. “That’s just what brothers do, sure Dib may be deranged and obsessive but he’s been so spirited since we adopted Junior. I think he’s a good influence on the boy.” The sound of a flamethrower coupled with Zim’s laughter activated the sprinkler system.
“I hate this family,” Gaz hissed.
“And I love all of you,” Membrane sighed happily, putting Gaz under one arm and standing up to go wrangle his two reckless sons. Life as usual, in the Membrane household, was good.