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When Ryuji was 7, his dad walked out the door and never came back. Before he left, drunk out of his ass, he yelled that his mother would live to regret treating him like this. Ryuji remembers sitting in his room, trying to block out the noise as his mother shouted after his dad and the door slammed. Soon after that, he heard crying, and rushed down to see what was going on.
“He’s never coming back”, Ryuji’s mom sobbed into her hands from where she was crouched on the floor. “He’s never coming back Ryuji.”
“What are you talking about, mom? He says shit like this all the time and then shows back here like nothing ever happened,” Ryuji tried to comfort his mom but he remembers his face grimacing at the idea of his dad’s return.
“He’s not though- he’s really not,” She mumbled, drawing up her sleeve to reveal the black words written across her arm that he had always questioned his mom about, but she had always smiled and told him it was a story for a later day. He supposed that day was today.
A sinking feeling in his chest started as he stared at the words emblazoned across his mom’s forearm.
‘You’ll never see me again. You hear that? Never’.
-
Ryuji had always thought the words were bullshit.
He didn’t even need to bring up his parents’ own sob story; there were millions of couples around the world who spent their entire lives together only to realize at the end that, oh shit, they weren’t soulmates after all. Their 4th grade history teacher, a shrew-like woman who looked constantly unhappy and whose goal in life seemed to be making others unhappy as well had told them that only 30% of couples turn out to be soulmates.
And even if you found your soulmate, it’s not like there was a guarantee that they’ll end up happily ever after. His shitty dad left him and his mom without a second thought after all. There were numerous soulmate pairs considered ‘different’: soulmates who stayed best friends all their life, soulmates who ended up being related, soulmates where one of the two ended up dying.
The system was bullshit. The fact that you had to be legitimately on the verge of death before finding the person who was your so-called person was bullshit.
And the thing that made it the most bullshit of all? His own words.
‘I’ll see you when this is all over.’
Ryuji had heard of people who simply had ordinary things like ‘hi’ or ‘what can I get you on their order’. Those people were considered the unlucky ones, because they would only meet their soulmate right before their death.
Personally, Ryuji thought his words were worse. His soulmate was going to promise him that they were going to return, only to die. They would leave Ryuji forever, the same way his dad did.
He went through life making friends cautiously, wondering who would end up being his soulmate, whose death he had written on his forearm. Of course, at Shujin he didn’t even need to do that. As soon as his confrontation with Kamoshida happened, no one at school really wanted to talk to him anyway.
It was then that he first wondered what his soulmate would think of him, a blonde delinquent with a useless leg. A failed athlete hated by everyone. He tried not to get his spirits too down about it, after all, he didn’t even really want to meet his soulmate, but the idea of being unwanted still caused pangs in his chest.
Of course, as soon as he became a phantom thief, that all changed. For once he was too busy to get bogged down by ideas of soulmates and needing to be wanted, not when they needed to save people from the tyrant that was Kamoshida. It was after they first started to gain popularity that he wondered what his soulmate, wherever they were, would think of the phantom thieves.
It was around that time that he kind of sort of started to fall in love with Akira Kurusu as well.
Akira was like a beacon, blinding him constantly with his brightness, but also something he seeked out constantly for direction. Akira was always there for him, whether it was help with his old track team, wanting a distraction from his thoughts, or even just needing another partner for Call of Duty.
And it wasn’t just for Ryuji. Ryuji was considered stupid, sure, but he wasn’t blind. He could see how Akira’s presence improved the lives of everyone around him. Makoto became more outspoken and less prissy and stiff. Ann became more confident in her modelling. Hell, even Yusuke, weirdo that he was, had gotten Akira’s help in improving his art.
He had honestly felt kinda jealous about it at first, before Akira (who of course had realized something was wrong, the stupidly perfect being) had reassured him that while the rest of the phantom thieves were very close to him, Ryuji would always be his friend.
“All bromo?” Akira had asked with a twinkle in his eye from behind the counter.
“All bromo”. Ryuji had agreed with an easy grin.
Of course, as time went on and he got to know Akira more and more, he had quickly realized that his all bromo love for Akira had been turning a little less bromo and a little more homo. Ridiculously, the first time he realized this, his first thought had been, what would my soulmate think? As if though he was cheating on his soulmate by falling in love with someone else. He tried to shake himself out of those thoughts whenever he had them. He didn’t owe his soulmate shit.
At one point, he even tried to avoid the other boy so he wouldn’t have to deal with his stupid thoughts all the time, but he had to give it up a few days in when Akira started sending him hurt looks and he started getting concerned messages from the rest of the group about his health.
He resigned himself to pining forever like some character from one of those romance novels Ann pretended like she didn’t read.
And then the clusterfuck that was Akechi joined their team, and he was a lot less concerned about his feelings for Akira, and a lot more concerned about keeping Akira alive. He watched the other man carefully, wondering just how he got off on playing them for fools. How he could pretend like he was best buds with Akira one day and then plot to murder him behind his back. No, the more he got to know Goro Akechi, the more he disliked him.
On the night before the day they were going to steal Sae’s treasure, Ryuji had a sleepover at Akira’s house. For the most part, they spent the evening like everything was completely normal, like they were just two other teenage boys having a sleepover, not the leader of the phantom thieves and his right-hand man (at least, Ryuji liked to think so) spending their last night together before there was an assassination attempt on said leader.
Ryuji was trying his best to act chill throughout the evening, but he must’ve failed, because right before they were about to go to bed, Morgana very unsubtly said that he was feeling like he needed some fresh air and leaped out the window, leaving him and Akira alone.
He felt Akira’s eyes on him as he grabbed the folded sheet and pillow from where Sojiro had left them by the stairs, placing them on the spare futon. Akira made no effort to help him, obviously lost in thought, and he didn’t ask for help either.
Once he was finished, he sighed.
“Dude, I’m fine.” He said, plopping himself onto the futon and facing Akira.
The other boy looked up, obviously shaken out of his thoughts. “Hmm?”
“You and Morgana have been worrying all night.” Ryuji pointed out, and Akira didn’t deny it, though his cheeks went slightly pink.
Ryuji laughed. “Look, am I worried? Of course. But I have full trust in you. Okay leader?”
Akira jolted as soon as he said that. “Can you say that again?”
Ryuji frowned. “What, I have full trust in you?”
“No, the-” Akira shook his head. “It’s fine it was nothing sorry. Guess the nerves must be getting to me too.”
Ryuji got up and clapped his hand onto the other boy’s shoulder. “S’okay dude. We all got your back.”
Akira nodded gratefully.
-
It all happened so fast.
One minute they were all watching Makoto as she pleaded with her sister to understand reason, the next minute they were running for their lives. As they began to run, Akira grabbed Ryuji’s wrist, forcing him to slow down.
“Dude, what’re you doing?” Ryuji asked as they both came to a stop. Thankfully, injuries didn’t transfer into the metaverse, so his shitty leg made no difference here.
“I’ll see you when this is all over.” Akira said, somehow managing to look him in the eyes even as they were running. Ryuji’s eyes widened at the words, and his heart filled with horror. He could only stare at Akira, eyes tearing up despite himself.
Akira was his soulmate.
Akira was going to die.
He wanted to scream. He wanted to shout about how unfair it was, how Akira and him deserved to be together, deserved to be happy, especially after all the shit they went through. However, before he went through with his first impulse like he always did, he realized that whatever words he said would be emblazoned on Akira’s hand forever. Right now, he would decide Akira’s fate.
He wondered if Akira had figured out what they were yet. Either way, he was going to figure it out soon.
“Okay, leader,” Ryuji said simply, watching the way Akira’s eyes widened and him glancing down at his covered forearm and then back at Ryuji. The other boy opened his mouth to say something else, but closed it when Ryuji shook his head, tears still in his eyes.
It’s okay, he mouthed. You’ll be okay.
He really tried to believe it too. After all, if there was anyone who could outsmart death itself, it was his soulmate.
-
The next few days were pure torture for Ryuji. He would stare at his arm every night, hoping against hope that Sae had agreed to take the phone and everything would go as planned. Maybe Akira’s last words to him just happened to be a horrible coincidence. But in his heart, Ryuji knew that Akira was his soulmate.
He spent the next few days in a zombie-like state, waking up and immediately going back to sleep, running when he couldn’t sleep any longer, skipping school, and avoiding calls from the rest of phantom thieves. He just couldn’t face them right now, not when he had the proof on his hand that their plan would fail, that they would lose their leader, that Ryuji would be alone again.
Even though he knows it’s not the other boy’s fault, he hates Akira for making him go through this, leaving him even when he promised he would come back.
One day, he woke up to banging on his front door.
“Ryuji? Ryuuuji? Are you there? It’s me, Ann”, She called out from the other side of his door. He groaned, pushing his pillow over his head to muffle the noise.
“Ryuji! I know you’re in there. Get up”, She yelled again.
“Ryuji! Until you come out I’m gonna keep yelling at you. Okay here goes: Ryuji Ryuji Ryuji Ryuji Ryuji Ryuji Ryuji”-
He opened the door violently, causing the other girl to flinch back and a photo frame outside to fall. He ignored Ann’s disapproving expression that only grew worse as she saw the state of his room.
“What’s going on with you now huh?” Ann said, sitting on his bed, and staring at her surroundings with a disgusted expression. Ryuji groaned and put his head in his hands.
“God, can’t you leave me alone for once in your life?”
“Not when you’re acting like this!” Ann insisted. “Look, you’re worrying all of us. Even Morgana, if you believe it or not. I get that you’re worried about Akira, we all are, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to be a dick.”
Ryuji just groaned again. He really didn’t want to hear her talk about Akira right now.
“Look”, Ann said in a softer tone, “If there’s anything going on, you know you can tell me right? Like we’re all tight as group and stuff, but you and I have been friends for a while. Even if you can’t trust the others, you can trust me. Whatever this is obviously hurting you, and if you keep it bottled up it’ll just hurt even worse, okay?”
Ryuji just sighed. He hated it when Ann was right.
Instead of saying anything, he pulled up his left hand, showing Ann the writing across it. She blushed immediately, soulmarks were considered to be rather private, especially in Japan, and it was standard to have them covered up in some shape or form.
“That”, Ryuji said, pointing to his words, “is the last thing Akira said to me before he got arrested.”
Ann’s brows furrowed. “The last thing he said to you? But if that’s your- oh. Oh no.”
“Yeah”, Ryuji snorted without any humor, tracing the words on his arm.
“But does that- does that mean he’s going to die? T-that our plan’s going to fail?” Ann’s voice trembled.
“That’s what’s been killing me this whole time”, Ryuji muttered, toying with the skin on his wrist.
“I mean-” Ann’s voice cracked again but her resolve strengthened, “When we die inside a palace, we do ‘die’ to a certain extent right? Like our real bodies don’t but our inner selves do and that’s why we fall unconscious. Maybe that’s what it means”. It’s obvious she doesn’t believe her own words though.
But she had hope and Ryuji had to give her that. Akira wouldn’t have wanted either of them to give up, even if he did actually die.
“Yeah,” He murmured and they sit in silence.
-
Seeing Akira in the flesh was like an electric shock straight to his heart. He was frozen for a few seconds, looking at the other boy and scanning everything about him, the way his cheekbones, arch, the glint in his glasses, the soft curve of his lips-
And the relief that coursed through him was so overpowering that he ran to Akira without a second thought, embracing the boy with a shout. He felt arms wrap around his back and reminded himself again and again, he’s alive he’s alive he’s alive-
“Hey you big bastard”, Ryuji whispered to Akira, slinging a hand around his shoulder. Akira just smiled in response as the others began to crowd around them.
Later that night, after everyone had finally gone home, Akira and Ryuji sat on his bed upstairs, Sojiro having left them with a wink and a “don’t do anything I wouldn’t do”.
Akira is the first to break the slightly awkward silence.
“So”, Akira started out, his hands fidgeting a little. “We’re soulmates.”
The bluntness of it made Ryuji laugh. He had forgotten how awkward Akira was, especially in matters regarding romance.
“Uh Ryuji, how do I uh politely let down a girl?” Akira mumbled as they walk through Centre Street together.
Ryuji stopped short. “Why the fuck would you want to let a girl down? And why are you asking?”
Akira sighed, scratching his head nervously “I think Hifumi...wanted me to ask her out. But I only see her as a friend?”
Ryuji blinked. “Like the shogi girl that Yusuke was talking about?” He tried not to let the jealousy he’s feeling seep into his tone.
The other boy nodded. “Yeah I stop by the church a lot to play shogi with her.”
Ryuji snorted, “Are you sure those aren’t dates, dude?”
Akira paused. “I didn’t think so?” The expression of abject horror on his face made Ryuji laugh, previous jealousy completely forgotten.
“Ah dude it’s probably fine. Just tell her that you think you’d be better off as friends and avoid her when she tries to kick you in the nuts.”
“I don’t think Hifumi is the type to do that.”
Ryuji shook his head sagely. “Oh you never know dude. Girls can be wild.”
“We sure are dude”, Ryuji agreed, amusement evident in his tone.
“So” Akira coughed, “We should talk about that.”
“Yeah”, Ryuji said, his nervousness from before suddenly returning in full force. He held out his arm to Akira, taking off the skin colored pad that usually hides his soulmarks.
Akira’s eyes widened as he sees the words on Ryuji’s arm. He traced him with a feather-soft touch and Ryuji couldn’t help but shiver.
“Can I- can I see yours?” Ryuji said, and the other boy immediately obliged, rolling up his sleeves to reveal his own words.
Seeing the stark black words of ‘Okay, leader’ against the other boy’s forearm made the weight of all this hit Ryuji again. He reached out to touch the words like the other boy did, and found that they feel exactly like normal skin, like his own words do.
“So you know what you were going to be huh?” Ryuji pointed to the word ‘leader’.
Akira shrugged. “I knew I was going to be a leader of some sort. I didn’t exactly expect to be the leader of a criminal organization, but sometimes life’s like that I guess.”
Ryuji nodded and they sit in silence for a bit, taking in each other’s words.
“So are we- uh - dating now?” Ryuji asked as tactfully as ever.
Akira raised an eyebrow. “Do you want to be?”
Ryuji looked away, his cheeks turning pink. “Only if you want to, dude.”
“Okay we’re dating then.” Akira said simply, and Ryuji felt his blush get worse.
“G-Great!” He said hating himself for stuttering, and hating the other boy even more when all he does is laugh at Ryuji’s predicament.
-
“You know,'' Akira said later from where Ryuji was curled into him, head resting on his shoulder and hands intertwined, “Our words haven’t changed even though I didn’t die. What do you think that means?”.
“Probably that we’re immortal now or some shit.” Ryuji snorted, tracing shapes on the other boy’s hands and Akira laughed.