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Ellie had only looked away for a moment, stopped to talk to someone about getting the Ashworth’s situated. But it was just long enough for her boss to slip away. She spun a full 360 in search of him, the question for him dying on her tongue.
“Hardy?” She called down the hallway. “Have you seen Hardy?” She asked another officer as he passed. He simply pointed down the hall towards some interrogation rooms. “Was headed that way with some thick files last time I saw him.”
Ellie nodded and thanked him before moving on. She checked two of the rooms before finally finding him in the third. Though she wish she hadn’t.
When she opened the door, the first thing she noticed was that it was dark, the only light shining in from the little square windows on the right wall. Second was sounds of crying that filled the room. The third was the slumped trembling form of her partner at the table.
“Ah-” Ellie aborted, taking a step back. At the sound all crying stopped, his slouched form snapping ramrod straight.
“Hardy?”
He didn’t answer, but rather pushed to a stand, the chairs legs scraping loudly against the floor.
“What?” He croaked, back still facing her as he lifted a hand to swipe at his face.
“You alright, sir?”
“M’ fine. Just…” He gestured vaguely at the table. “Was just looking over the files one last time.”
Ellie stepped all the way in and shut the door behind herself. “You sure?”
“Yes.” The D.I snapped, finally turning around and making a beeline for the door, head dipped and eyes focused on the file in his hands. “Back to work.”
Ellie stepped in front of him, making him flinch to a stop.
“Miller-”
“Hardy.” The woman interrupted. “It’s okay to take a minute to breathe you know. You just solved the damn case that nearly put you in the ground. No need to be ashamed.”
At that Hardy lifted his head, staring up at Ellie through glistening lashes. His eyes were red rimmed and puffy, cheeks flushed in a way that made his few freckles stand out more.
“Miller.” He croaked, tearing his eyes away to look at anything but her, his lower lip trembling as he sucked in an unsteady breath. “Let me through.”
She hated being comforted when she was upset, always pushed people away. But what if it was the opposite for her lonely hardarse boss?
“Do you...need a hug?” She questioned, echoing what he had asked her in the courthouse bathroom.
Hardy’s lip curled, like she had just called him by his first name or offered him a bite of her scotch egg. When he opened his mouth she expected him to snap at her like she snapped at him, not for him to make a conflicted squeak and stumble for words.
Instead of waiting for him to answer, Ellie simply opened her arms and slowly moved closer to him. He didn’t fight her, though he did flinch like he had been electrocuted when she encircled him in her arms.
“Relax, Hardy.” Ellie chided, hugging him tighter. That seemed to kick him into gear, shook the cork loose. He sucked in a sharp breath before letting it out all at once in a rattling sob. His hands shot up from his sides and went to Ellie’s back, clutching at the back of her coat like she was a lifeline, like Tom used to grab at her after she woke him from a bad dream.
She in turn lifted a hand to the back of his head and pressed his face into her shoulder, let him stain her lapel with tears as she moved her other hand to his back to rub circles between his shuddering shoulders.
“It’s alright.” She whispered, all soft strokes and motherly patience. “You got em. You got Pippa and Lisa justice. Their families got closure.”
That only seemed to egg him on more, the taller man curling closer to what must have been the first person to hug him, hold him, in years.
He pushed away, hiccupped, and babbled incoherently like he was trying to say something, rubbing uselessly at his blotchy face, his sleeve cuffs scratching loudly against his scruff. Seeing this man who was usually such a stoic, grumpy bastard, so distraught and shameless almost made Ellie cry too.
He hiccupped hard, then again, gasping for air and words.
“Hey. Hey! Breathe before you make yourself hyperventilate!” She urged, taking his face in her hands and swiping at his cheeks with her thumbs.
When he seemed unable to do it on his own she pressed her thumbs over his lips, sealing his mouth closed. “Breath deep into your belly through your nose.” She instructed.
His hands jumped up and cupped hers; his eyes squinched closed, sucking in a breath through his runny nose.
They repeated until his thin chest stopped jumping with hiccups.
“Let’s get you home, ey?”
“I c-can’t-” He choked, rubbing at his face again.
“Then let’s go for a walk! You need some air.” Ellie commanded, taking his wrist and tugging him towards the door.
They had been lucky enough, no one giving them a passing glance as they rushed through the back halls towards the exit. They only ran into one person who gave Hardy rubbing viciously at his eyes a confused look, only for Ellie’s mutter of “Allergies” to placate them and send them on their way.
Once a safe distance from the station, Hardy sniffled again and growled in frustration, pounding the heels of his hands against his temples. “God damnit!” He hissed through clenched teeth, stopping in the middle of the empty sidewalk. “Why am I such a bloody mess! It’s finished! Why do I still feel so shite!”
Ellie turned to him and sighed, pulling a little pack of tissues out of her purse and pressing it into his chest. “Because of what this case has done to you, Hardy. The burden has been lifted and now your body doesn’t know what to do with the lack of crushing guilt.”
Hardy blew his nose before taking another deep breath through it.
Ellie opened her mouth to say something, but thought against it and snapped it closed again. “Come.” She urged, not taking his hand, rather his damp sleeve, tugging him along. He followed without a fight.
They eventually made it to the docks and took a seat on the low cement wall lining the water free of people.
Hardy stared at the bobbing boats and lapping waves, his brow smoother than usual, only a tad furrowed to match the tiredness in his eyes, which were also slightly brighter than before.
“You’re staring.” He murmured.
“You look better.” Ellie offered.
“Feel better.” He glanced quickly at her before focusing back on the water.
Ellie nodded and pat the back of his hand that rested between them.
“Good. You deserve it.”
Hardy only scoffed, rum colored eyes still trained on the boats and rocks.
“Say it.” She urged after a moment.
“Say what?” He asked, only a hint of annoyance in his tone.
“That you did it. You know...congratulate yourself for once.”
“Miller-”
“It’ll make you feel better!”
The D.I turned away again with a grunt. “I’m not-”
“Say it!”
“No!”
“Say it and I’ll leave you be!”
Hardy pursed his lips at her. “I did it!” He quipped sarcastically, with a flare of his hands and all.
“No! Properly!” Ellie chastised, bumping his shoulder with her knuckles.
Hardy heaved a sigh. “I did it.” He grumbled.
“Again.”
“Mil-” He stopped, knowing he wouldn’t win another cycle of exasperation. “I did it.” He said slower, really thinking about his words this time. “I...did it.”
He did it. He had done it. Sure he didn’t right all of the wrongs or fix any of the ruined lives. But ,as Miller said, he gave those girls justice.
Three more monsters were going to be put away.
He served his penance and did his job.
He ducked his head, nodding as his eyes misted over again. “Thanks, Miller.”
The woman grinned and bumped shoulders with him. “I told you it’d make you feel better.”
“No...not that. Just…for everything.”
“Oh.” Ellie gaped. “Ta. No thanks needed. We’re doing our jobs.”
“Still.”
Ellie was at a lost, only thinking of nodding again and staring off into the distance with him, both detectives just listening to the rolling waves and breathing in the salty air in companionable silence.