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“Why can’t you stop pining after women for one day, honestly, you’re a disgusting Idiot!” Zoro spits at Sanji in front of him, fuming with anger. “Yeah well, maybe Kuina rather died than have to deal with you any longer!”
Dead silence.
The moment the words left Sanji’s lips, he wanted to take them back. Zoro stares at him in disbelief for seconds that feel like years, hurt written all over his face and Sanji holds his breath, scared to say anything else, and he waits, and he knows that he’s gone too far. He doesn’t know how to fix it, though, how to make it right again. The shouting never comes and instead Zoro closes his eye, pursing his lips, and the expression flitting across his face when he opens it again is filled with so much betrayal that Sanji feels like he’s being punched in the stomach. He’s an idiot.
Zoro then pushes his chair back abruptly and the screeching noise of the its being dragged across the floor is a deafening contrast to the earlier quiet. He doesn’t look at Sanji when he turns around, grabs his swords and leaves the kitchen without another word.
Just like that, Sanji’s left alone in the kitchen, staring at the chair where Zoro sat until just a few seconds ago and he wants to slap himself across the face. Their bickering and arguing always has some kind of weird, endearing touch to it, it made their relationship more genuine and more them. But today Sanji was in a particular foul mood and he didn’t think and the words tumbled out of his mouth before he could stop himself.
And now it’s too late, and Sanji’s left to pick up the pieces.
—
His movements in the kitchen are always impeccable and smooth, orchestrated by muscle memory alone, yet there’s a slight tremor in his hands today that wouldn’t have gone unnoticed by a certain Swordsman. But he’s alone and there’s no Swordsman with him to notice.
Sanji puts the finishing touches to dinner and proceeds to call the rest of the crew into the kitchen. As he sets the table and waits for them to come in, the ticking of the clock and the tremble in his hands makes it somehow difficult to focus. He only realises how tightly he clenched his fists when he goes to serve the ladies and notices the red marks on his palms. Quickly, he closes them again and exhales shakily, trying to calm himself. Zoro didn’t even come to dinner today, maybe he doesn’t have to face him after all. Just then, however, the door to the kitchen opens and Zoro walks in.
Maybe if he just acts like nothing happened, Zoro will do, too and they can go back to being bickering boyfriends. Maybe Zoro can look past it, then. “You sure took your time, Marimo,” Sanji greets the other and tries his best to give it the right tone of nonchalance and playfulness but the grin plastered on his face feels forced and fake. His words go unappreciated and Sanji feels disturbingly cold as Zoro walks straight past him without so much as a glance. He sits down next to Nami, grabs a plate and starts shovelling food into his mouth at a speed that makes it obvious he wants to spend as little time as possible in the kitchen.
Sanji swallows thickly and the grin falls from his face, leaving him with nothing but eyes widened in silent discomfort. Nami’s gaze travels back and forth between Zoro who acts like Sanji doesn’t exist and Sanji who looks like a lost boy that’s been left out in the rain. She raises an eyebrow questioningly but has the decency not to comment.
The kitchen is as lively and loud as ever, the whole crew eating and chattering away, and usually Sanji would have joined in, scolding Luffy for stealing food and discussing the latest news with Usopp. Today, though, the lights feel too bright and the voices deafeningly loud and when he looks at Zoro, with his eyes downcast, pointedly ignoring his existence, Sanji’s throat tightens. He might have really fucked up bad this time.
The tremble in his hands grows stronger and the room begins to feel blurry around him, their voices growing more distant and hazy and Sanji knows he needs to leave this kitchen as soon as possible when his breathing turns irregular and his body begins to feel numb. He turns around slowly and makes his way towards the door, trying his best to not make it look like he’s fleeing the room, but just before he can sneak out, Luffy calls after him, “Oi Sanji! Aren’t you gonna eat?” Sanji freezes, hand still reaching for the doorknob, hanging awkwardly in the air. He can feel Zoro’s eyes burning into his back and takes a deep breath before replying, “Actually, I already ate earlier,” he pauses and hopes that his voice is steady enough not to betray him. “Thanks for asking, though, Luffy.” With that he swiftly opens the door and escapes into the cool and quiet night.
—
It’s far too late into the night by now and Sanji’s not even sure if Zoro’s still awake. Still, he has to try, at least. Carefully, he scurries across the deck of the Thousand Sunny and it takes him a few minutes until he gathers the courage to knock quietly on the door of the Crow’s Nest, suddenly unsure of what he’s doing there.
Sanji waits. And waits. And waits a little more. After his tenth drag of smoke, he eventually accepts the fact that Zoro doesn’t want to see him right now and stubs out his cigarette. Just as he’s about to turn around, he hears a clicking sound and the door finally opens. “It’s you,” Zoro states blankly and Sanji has to suppress the urge to roll his eyes because he didn't come here to fight. What exactly did he come for here anyway?
Before Sanji has the chance to react in any way, Zoro turns on his heels and walks back into the room. He leaves the door open, though, a silent invitation for Sanji to follow him. Sanji hesitates briefly before entering and tentatively sitting down next to the other. Zoro still hasn’t spoken to him since this morning – save for those two words just now – and doesn’t even cast him a glance as they sit side by side in the darkness.
“I don’t know how to make things right,” Sanji eventually breaks the silence and his hushed voice fills the whole room, echoing from the walls and coming back to graze him like ice. Zoro stays silent and Sanji looks at the red marks on his palms as he continues, “I just pretend that nothing ever happened and kinda… hope for the best. I don’t know to properly make things right. That’s the only way I know.” Somehow, the one-sided conversation still feels a lot more comfortable than the earlier, distant silence, so Sanji just goes on, “I suck at this,” he pauses, “You know I’m no good.”
At his last words, Zoro stirs next to him and Sanji looks up from his hands to find Zoro finally looking at him, mouth pressed into a thin line and brows furrowed. “Don’t say that,” he grows quietly. “You may be a bastard and an idiot but you’re my Idiot and only I get to say this about you.” His frown deepens and he keeps his eye fixed on the blond’s face as he says, ”No one else. Not even you.”
He doesn’t deserve this. With every word that comes out of Zoro’s mouth, Sanji feels worse. He betrayed his trust and used it to hurt him in the worst way possible and it’s not fair that Zoro’s the one reassuring him now, not when it’s him who got hurt. It’s not fair that someone who can’t even apologise properly gets to be forgiven so easily – Zoro’s much too kind-hearted, for his own good. Sanji opens his mouth to protest but halts as his vision becomes blurry and the words tumble out of his mouth quicker than he can stop them, “I’m sorry.”
Zoro’s eye widens a little in surprise at the apology and suddenly Sanji can’t stop himself any longer as the words keep falling from his lips like a waterfall, “I’m sorry, Zoro.” He digs his nails into his palms in an attempt to keep the tears from spilling down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry. I… I never meant to say that. I didn’t – I didn’t mean it… you know that… don’t you?” His voice shakes as his breath hitches and the first drops of tears escape his eyes. Quickly, Sanji lifts his hand to clutch his head and hide his face while he continues to mutter incomprehensibly, curling in on himself. He’s never been this emotional in front of Zoro and he’d feel embarrassed if his inside wasn’t so full of regret and sorrow already.
“You’re scaring me, Cook.” Zoro knits his brows in worry as he looks at the distraught and trembling mess of a person in front of him and Sanji half-laughs, half-sobs at that. Zoro shakes his head in disbelief and sighs before wrapping his arms around Sanji's smaller frame, pulling him close. “You really are one of a kind,” he whispers into his hair and feels Sanji digging his fingers into his shirt.
“That’s not… I’m fucking pathetic,” the blond sobs as he buries his face in Zoro’s chest, “This ’s not how it’s supposed to be… You’re not… supposed to comfort me. I really… I really ’m no good…” he mumbles against Zoro’s shoulder, barely audible, and Zoro pulls away to look at the other sternly. “Oi. I told you. You don’t get to say that, Cook.”
Sanji stops crying and looks up at Zoro’s frowning face with widened eyes before he sniffles and makes an attempt at a smirk. “Yeah? What do you wanna do about it?” His eyes are still puffy and red, his cheeks tear-stained and his hair tousled but the lopsided, kind of goofy, smirk on his face makes Zoro think that he’s never looked more adorable.
“I’m gonna teach you,” he responds firmly as he pulls Sanji into another embrace and presses his lips on top of his head, smiling fondly. He feels Sanji’s breathing calm down against his chest and lets his fingers run through the blond strands, enjoying the silence between them, that’s a lot fonder and much more comfortable than earlier.
“Oi, Cook,” Zoro murmurs eventually and Sanji hums quietly in response, face still buried in his chest. “That was a low blow still.” Sanji's body stiffens at that and he adds, “Doesn't mean I love you any less, though.”
I don’t know how to make things right. So I’ll just keep pretending that nothing’s wrong. (you know that I’m no good)