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It's Lonely at the Top

Summary:

"They didn't choose you, Yein was the obvious choice. You stand out too much, they said. They already predicted something like this might happen..."

"So, why am I here then?"

Wooseok sighs unable to lift his head let alone look at Jinhyuk. "Because of me."

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

 

The moment the show's producer announces that the filming has ended, Jinhyuk rushes down from the pedestal of the 2nd rank chair towards the trainees that have just found out that they get one last chance to possibly stay in the competition as an X trainee. Wooseok knows his label mate is going to offer his help to the potentially eliminated trainees from the Turtle Ship group. All of them.

 

He can't help but worry about Jinhyuk overworking himself in an attempt to save anyone who comes his way and asks for help. He also can't help but feel left behind, standing in front of his own seat as he watches the other's tall figure move further and further away from him not looking back even once. It looks like the saying is really true: it's lonely at the top.

 

As he makes his own way downstairs, he once again realises why he was so scared of receiving the seat he's holding now. The way down feels so much more unbearable right now. Especially, when he has to walk it all on his own.

 

 

 

 

 

 

He finds Jinhyuk in one of the dorm rooms, sitting on the floor in front of one of the bunk beds wearing his cutely ridiculous Olaf onesie.

 

"Can I come in?" Wooseok carefully inquires.

 

"You're already in."

 

Jinhyuk likes to joke around. In their group, they are known to be competitive with each other, almost ridiculously so. A blunt answer such as this shouldn't come as a surprise to Wooseok. It feels different, however. He can tell Jinhyuk is not joking around with him. He doesn't know if he's welcome in the otherwise empty room, he decides to take his chances and go in anyway. After all, the room is currently occupied by the one thing he's more afraid to lose than his current rank.

 

"So, I take it you're angry with me?" Wooseok probes.

 

"I know you won't believe it but not everything is about you, you know?"

 

Wooseok shifts in his position awkwardly scratching the side of his head. He feels embarrassed, a little hurt, but mostly embarrassed that he assumed Jinhyuk cared enough to be this beaten up about Wooseok winning.

 

"I'm sorry," Jinhyuk suddenly says moving to the side a little and pats his hand to the newly formed empty space next to him. An invitation for Wooseok to sit down. "I'm just nervous about the kids."

 

"No, I'm sorry," Wooseok starts as he sits down getting uncomfortably aware of every tiniest part of his body that is even slightly touching Jinhyuk's.

 

"What for?" Jinhyuk huffs. "You didn't do anything."

 

"I guess for being so stupidly competitive-"

 

"As I said, you didn't really do anything, pretty boy."

 

Wooseok only now realises that Jinhyuk has already fallen back into their usual banter, suddenly feeling more relaxed again.

 

"I see," he smiles. "Well, I think you would've been a well-deserved first rank.*

 

"What's wrong with you? Why are you so... nice?"

 

Wooseok can't help but laugh at that statement. "No, I mean it, I would've been happy for you. You worked so hard."

 

Jinhyuk's face looks something between confused and distrusting as he speaks. "Yeah, I know that, but I'm not on your level King Wooseok. I mean, would I have loved to kick your ass on national television? Hell, yeah, but down on Earth here, my mind is still completely blown by actually being deemed worthy of standing right underneath you-"

 

"Beside me," Wooseok interrupts.

 

"What?"

 

"You're not beneath me, I'm not above you. I'm right here, beside you."

 

Now Jinhyuk is staring at him in a way he's never seen him look at him before. A mix of touched and incredulous.

 

"Okay, good thing I know you pull this I-make-everyone's-heart-flutter shit as easily as other people breathe air, you almost had me there. I see why they all vote for you, keep it up and we'll have our plan work out perfectly with no problems whatsoever."

 

Wooseok would've been taken aback at the comment if Jinhyuk hadn't brought up the plan. "You do realise we're on our best way to make just 50% of the plan work out?"

 

Jinhyuk's big smile instantly fades from his face. "What do you mean? It was just the benefit points."

 

Wooseok doesn't even try to hold back a laugh before he speaks. "Jinhyuk, didn't you do the math? If nobody had received any benefit points, you'd still be in the top 10 by the voting alone..."

 

"What?!"

 

"You really didn't realise?"

 

Jinhyuk is full-on panicking right now. "Wooseok, I'm ruining the plan! What do I do??"

 

Wooseok can't help but find Jinhyuk's reaction endearing. He hates the stupid plan. When the company's CEO gathered UP10TION to suggest sending one or two of them as trainees to Produce X 101, the entire group agreed that Wooseok had to be the one to go and actually, get into the final group. You know, no pressure.

 

After many meetings and discussions, the group's leader together with the CEO came up with the brilliant plan to send two people. Wooseok, who would eventually end up in the group - no, they did not make it sound like he had any other options - and someone else who's likable and skilled enough to get to the finale but then not make it and instead, take his new gained popularity back to UP10TION fresh for a new comeback.

 

It was not supposed to be Jinhyuk.

 

It was never supposed to be Jinhyuk.

 

Wooseok knew the plan could easily backfire if they let Jinhyuk just be Jinhyuk, so they trained him to be extra serious, both of them actually.

 

So much training, yet here they are. Rank 1 and 2 sitting next to each other on the cold floor of an empty dorm, only one more evaluation before the finale.

 

"So what?" Wooseok throws in.

 

"What do you mean? Wooseok, if I end up in the group, what will happen to UP10TION?"

 

"We'll be back eventually. Also, who knows maybe I'll fall out of the top 10, too."

 

"Yeah right, stop joking around. Fuck, I knew I shouldn't have come... why would they even choose me? Yein would've been a better choice or Gyujin... or-"

 

"They didn't," Wooseok interrupts him shyly looking to the floor.

 

"What?"

 

"They didn't choose you, Yein was the obvious choice. You stand out too much, they said. They already predicted something like this might happen..."

 

"So, why am I here then?"

 

Wooseok sighs unable to lift his head let alone look at Jinhyuk. "Because of me."

 

"You?" Jinhyuk's voice almost cracks at how high-pitched that word comes out.

 

"I told them I wouldn't do it unless I can do it with you," Wooseok's voice gets smaller with every word.

 

Jinhyuk suddenly seems to have forgotten how to use his long limbs as he starts to fold and unfold them while speaking. "What are you saying? That doesn't even make sense. You don't even like me- I mean, you like me alright. I guess, I don't know, but we're not that close- if you wanted to go with a friend, maybe.... wait, what the fuck Wooseok? Why did you drag me into this?"

 

Wooseok's heart grows heavier with every word Jinhyuk adds. Jinhyuk thinks he doesn't like him. That they were not close. That there is no reason for him to be here. That Wooseok dragged him into this place and now he has to suffer and can't even go back to their team in a couple of weeks.

 

"I'm genuinely sorry you feel that way."

 

At that moment, Jinhyuk grabs him by the shoulders and starts shaking him. "Why are you being so weird? I'm so confused, Wooseok, tell me why I'm here. Tell me I'm not messing up the plan. Tell me there's a different plan I don't know of."

 

"I'm sorry, there's no other plan," Wooseok sighs removing Jinhyuk's hands from his shoulders, then holding onto one of them. "I was just selfish. Once again. I put the whole group on the line."

 

"Wooseok..." Jinhyuk's voice is so soft and filled with pity that Wooseok has to gather all his courage to look him in the eyes and say what he inevitably has to say now. He never really wanted to tell Jinhyuk. He knew it could've never gone the way he really wanted it to but he still went against their entire group as he decided that spending some extra time with Jinhyuk was more important to him. He is a horrible person, a horrible friend. He knows that much.

 

"Look, I'm really sorry. I hated the stupid plan from the beginning. Like, they just decided I gotta do this and how important it is and that it can't be someone else and that I have to make it into the group. No pressure. No slip-ups, Wooseok, not this time. Keep it simple, stay stable, stay pretty. As if I'm just some object. I thought I deserved to at least have you there. I genuinely thought I was being treated badly so, fuck 'em, I thought. If they want me on that show so badly, at least I will make sure I can have Jinhyuk for those months there. At least I can hold onto him for a bit longer, maybe even show him how much he means to me before they send me off to be in some other group for what, like, 4-5 years?? Years, Jinhyuk! Like, I have to make it into the group and then be gone for 5 years and I don't have a say in this. I wanted you there for my own selfish reasons, I wasn't ready to say goodbye 2 months ago. I will never be ready to say goodbye to you, so I just decided things for you the way they decided things for me. I can hear how bad it sounds right now, I see it, okay? You don't have to tell me but I couldn't let you go, I thought I'd have another mental breakdown," he stops for a second noticing Jinhyuk's shocked expression but decides that he can't have him interrupt him now. "I like you so much, I thought I was more obvious, but now we're here and you're telling me you thought I don't even like you. That we were never close. I guess we weren't. I admired you from the distance since the very first time we met. You don't care about looks and I guess, I don't have much else to offer, so what was I supposed to say? You never showed any affection towards me so I kept my distance too and still I thought I was so obvious. I was sure you knew, you just didn't want me and you were too nice to say anything and make me feel bad. I feel so stupid now, Jinhyuk. Like, here we are and of course, they voted for you. No matter how much they train you to suppress your true self, if they see even just 10% of what I see, of course, they'd vote for you. Fuck, I put the group on the line to have you for a couple more months. To have you not return my feelings for a couple more months because even that is easier than being away from you."

 

Once Wooseok finishes, Jinhyuk is looking at him with the same expression he had when Yohan was announced to be ranked 3rd and he realised that they were up against each other for the first rank. His mouth wide open, still holding onto one of Wooseok's hands.

 

"I'm so sorry, Jinhyuk. You don't deserve this, really not," he doesn't know how many times he apologised to Jinhyuk within the last 10 minutes. He doesn't know how many more times he'd have to apologise to be forgiven for what he did.

 

"Fuck, Wooseok," Jinhyuk's sudden exclaim startles him. Jinhyuk starts vehemently shaking the arm he still uses to hold onto Wooseok. "What even is this day?"

 

"Please, don't feel like you have to be nice to me now. I take full responsibility for what I did, so don't feel worried about hurting my feelings or anything, I understand if-"

 

"Shut up," Jinhyuk interrupts what would end in another apology. "Come here."

 

Just like that, as if he were a tiny doll, Jinhyuk picks him up and puts him on his lap, so that Wooseok is straddling him. Wooseok's eyes widen at the sudden proximity.

 

"What? You know I like skinship," Jinhyuk says matter-of-factly. "It helps me think."

 

Wooseok is all too aware of how close they are right now. He can't really remember if they have ever been this close to each other. Actually, he does remember and nope, they have never been in this close proximity. He's definitely never been in this position on Jinhyuk's lap unable to look anywhere but straight into the other's eyes. His eyes that are now becoming smaller as a huge grin starts forming on his face.

 

"Oh my," Jinhyuk starts taking Wooseok's hands into his own. "You're actually flustered. Wow, you must really like me, huh? I never thought I'd see Kim Wooseok like this, ever and then because of me? Wow."

 

"I'm sorry."

 

"Stop apologising, it's okay."

 

"It is?"

 

"Yes, I mean, am I shocked? Yes. Am I scared? A little, definitely. Am I flattered? Very much so. Do I hate you now? No, quite the opposite."

 

"What?" Wooseok looks up faster than his neck likes it and he feels a sudden pain. "Ouch."

 

"Oh my god," Jinhyuk laughs. "You're so cute. Look, I'm really surprised. You might have thought you were obvious but you really weren't. Like, I had no idea that you even cared about my existence, let alone liked me to the point where you had to drag me into an idol trainees survival show because you couldn't stand to be apart from me. Thank you, by the way. I mean, it's tough and exhausting but I actually enjoy this. I feel I've grown so much since we came here and I received more love than I would've ever thought possible-" 

 

Jinhyuk stops because Wooseok looks at him with a shocked expression. "I mean, love from the voters, national producers, people out there," he giggles. "Don't worry, I'm not in cahoots with anyone on the show. But okay, you're jealous too, good to know. I'm learning about you, interesting."

 

Wooseok gently hits him on his chest in an attempt to stop Jinhyuk from teasing him about his more-than-crush on him.

 

"Anyway, look I'm a bit worried about this whole situation now. Like, what will our company say if we both get into the group? What will be with UP10TION? I mean, 5 years are a long time. Maybe I won't even make it and I'm just worried for no reason," he lowers his gaze and his voice a little. "I kinda feel guilty that the thought of that makes me a little sad, especially now."

 

Wooseok instinctively reaches out to stroke the hair out of Jinhyuk's face when he catches himself and pulls back right away. "Sorry."

 

"For fuck's sake, stop apologising! What I wanted to say is... I know what we came here for and I was more than ready to act according to plan but damn, I was actually happy receiving my rank today. It feels good to get validated like that. It felt good to be seen and now, you're telling me, on top of that, I could also get to kiss the most beautiful boy I've ever seen if I wanted to? What even is my life right now?"

 

Wooseok's ears perk up at the mention of a kiss. Did Jinhyuk just insinuate that he wanted to kiss him? Is he just playing around again? Jinhyuk's grin widens again as he watches Wooseok agonise over what he just said.

 

"Whether it's another month or five years, I think I'd be ready to give this a real shot," Jinhyuk finishes.

 

Wooseok is not entirely sure what he just heard. "You mean... the show?"

 

Jinhyuk giggles taking Wooseok's hands into his own once again and interlocking their fingers. "The show and... this too."

 

Wooseok doesn't know what face he makes but it makes Jinhyuk laugh and take his small face into his large hands pulling him down closer to his own face. "Can I?"

 

Wooseok doesn't answer. Instead, he throws his arms around Jinhyuk's neck and brings their lips together in what he thinks must be the single most breathtaking experience of his life. Jinhyuk giggles but he kisses him back snaking his long arms around Wooseok's waist. 

 

They kiss for what feels like a second but is probably closer to an eternity when Jinhyuk breaks it off to catch some air. "Okay, this is so much better than the kiss I shared with Sooil hyung."

 

"Oh, shut up. I don't even want to hear about that. I almost died when that happened."

 

Jinhyuk laughs. "Trust me, I almost died when that happened too."

Notes:

I don't even know what this was.

I usually only write WonHui but this power couple has me now.

cc: https://curiouscat.me/wfwonhui