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“I’m pretty sure that Claire loves you more than me,” Allison grumbled.
Klaus laughed, delighted. “That’s because I’m the fun uncle!”
“Because you spoil her,” teased Dave, knocking his shoulder into Klaus’.
Claire had just left after a week at the Hargreeves mansion. The family had ordered in pizza, ready to relax in a child-free environment after a week of wrangling the world’s most energetic seven year old.
“Can you imagine if you had kids of your own? They would be absolute terrors,” said Vanya, shuddering delicately.
“Hey! I resent that,” gasped Klaus, hand over his heart.
Five pushed away the last slice of pepperoni, and said, “For all we know, there are little mini Klaus’ out there somewhere.”
“God, I hope not,” muttered Ben, unheard to everyone except Klaus.
“No, no, no. I may be a reckless idiot, but I always use protection,” said Klaus. “Gotta wrap it before you tap it, you know what I mean?”
His siblings groaned, and he grinned wider.
“Okay, I really can’t imagine Reginald giving you guys the talk. Did he make Grace do it?” questioned Dave.
Diego snorted. “Nah, he just told us not to engage in deviant behaviour.”
“Actually, Klaus was the one who gave us the talk,” said Luther, ears a little pink.
Klaus gave a bow, or as close to a bow as he could manage, curled up on the sofa as he was. “You’re welcome.”
“But where did you learn about it?” asked Dave, nose wrinkled in the adorable way that it does when he’s confused. Klaus took the opportunity to kiss his nose, just to see the way it made Dave blush.
“Through experience,” Klaus explained, waggling his eyebrows.
Luther frowned. “But we were only fourteen.”
Klaus shrugged, not really interested in expounding on that topic.
“Who were you shacking up with at fourteen?” asked Five, tone vaguely judgemental. Klaus didn’t think that was fair, considering Delores.
Allison said, “Oh, I remember! The girl with the weird alien tattoo, right? She was your first?”
“I thought you didn’t remember your first time,” said Luther, bemused.
“I thought it was that boy with the red sports car who used to sell to you,” Vanya added quietly.
“No, no, you told me it was the mayor’s daughter, right? The blonde one?” Diego said.
“Uhh.” Klaus froze, eyes darting around in panic.
“Klaus?” said Dave, voice low and concerned.
“Wait,” said Luther, “which one of us is right?”
“Well- I mean,” Klaus stammered, uncharacteristically withdrawn. “I mean, you’re all a little bit right.”
“What?” said Diego.
Klaus cleared his throat. “Well, I mean, it was the mayor’s son, not daughter. He was blond, though. And he did have a weird alien tattoo.”
“And this is the same guy I saw? Your dealer?” asked Vanya, voice pinched.
“Yep,” confirmed Klaus, clapping his hands together.
“Wait, wait, wait,” said Diego, “the mayor’s son was- was way older than us, bro.”
“What can I say, I used to find older guys very attractive,” said Klaus, glib.
“But he must have been, what, nineteen? Twenty?” said Vanya.
Dave squeezed Klaus’ hand, face pale.
“But,” said Luther faintly, “you said you couldn’t remember it.”
Klaus felt his stomach swoop. “Oh, you don’t want to hear the details of my sex life.”
Five growled, “No, but I would like to know if there’s anything else I should know before I go and murder this guy.”
“Woah, woah, cool it, you little psycho,” said Klaus, “you’re making it out to be way worse than it was.”
“Really? So explain it to me.”
“Well,” Klaus hesitated, before launching in, slipping into it like a performance. “This guy had been selling to me, except I was out of cash, right? But I was pretty desperate, because I’d just tried some of the harder stuff, and it did a fabulous job of blocking out the ghosts, y’know? Like, pure bliss-”
“Klaus,” murmured Dave.
“Right, right,” said Klaus. “So, he was like okay, I accept alternative forms of payment, and naive little me is like, what? And this guy laughs, and explains what anal is, and I was kind of grossed out, but also apparently, sex with guys was an actual thing! ‘Cause before that, I just thought it was something you could only do hetero style, y’know?
“So anyway, I’m like sure, fuck it. But he was pretty sweet about it. Plus, he let me take something beforehand - hence the, uh, lack of memory there.”
A pause.
“Does anyone remember this guys name? Because I’m gonna kill him,” said Diego.
Five stated, “I called dibs.”
“Guys! Stop! It really isn’t that bad.”
“Klaus, you were a kid,” said Dave, voice tight and carefully controlled.
“I was fourteen!”
“Exactly.”
“Name, Klaus,” demanded Five, already on his feet.
“God, quit it! He didn’t hurt me, it was fine! Besides, I’m pretty sure he’s in jail.”
“It’s where he deserves to be,” Allison said, expression fierce.
“You guys are so dramatic. It’s not like he- he-”
Klaus didn’t say the word.
Vanya began, “Klaus-”
“Don’t,” snapped Klaus. “I’m going to bed.”
He stomped away, leaving Dave behind, lost, unsure whether to follow.
“Go make sure he’s okay,” suggested Allison. “You’ve got this.”
“Right,” said Dave, squaring his shoulders before following Klaus.
When he reached their bedroom, Klaus was curled on the bed, facing the wall. Dave paused in the doorway, just watching.
“If you’re gonna get all weird about touching me now, you can just fuck off,” Klaus grumbled, half muffled by his pillow.
“Don’t be an idiot,” Dave countered, closing the door and stepping out of his jeans before slipping into bed behind Klaus, pressing his forehead into the arch of Klaus neck. He took a slow breath, and waited for Klaus to talk.
“I hate it when they do that,” Klaus said.
“Do what?”
“Freak out over stuff like that.”
Dave planted a kiss on Klaus’ shoulder, brief but tender. “It’s only because they care about you.”
“It makes me feel… I don’t know. Weird. Like, I’m fine with my past, and then they freak out and then I feel freaked out, y’know?”
Dave made a considering noise. “Do you think maybe you haven’t dealt with what happened? Being reminded that what happened wasn’t okay… do you think, maybe it makes you face the fact that it wasn’t okay?”
Klaus huffed. “I hate it when you make sense.”
Dave laughed softly. “No you don’t.”
“No, I don’t,” agreed Klaus, melting back into his boyfriend.
Dave pressed a kiss on one of the knobs of his spine. “I wish I could have been your first,” he said, mouth moving against Klaus skin.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah. Not because I think you’re dirty for having a lot of sex before, or anything, just- I wish it could have been better.”
Klaus rolled, settling so that his face was close to Dave’s, eyes wide and searching. “Describe it.”
Dave smiled shyly. “Oh, I don’t know.”
“Dave,” Klaus whined. “Come on. If you were going to take my virginity, how would you do it?”
“Um.” Dave’s face heated up. “I’d want to make it special. Somewhere where we could have the place to ourselves, somewhere comfortable where we could take our time.”
“Yeah?” breathed Klaus, snuggling closer so that he could lean into Dave’s chest and hear the thump of his heart.
“Yeah. We would have music playing. Something romantic.”
“Oh, Billie Holiday,” suggested Klaus eagerly.
“Sure, Billie Holiday. And I’d light candles and stuff, so the room was all pretty and lit up.”
“Such a gentleman,” Klaus teased.
They both breathed for a moment.
“At least I’ve got you now,” said Klaus, winding closer, hearts beating against each other.
“You’ve got me,” swore Dave. “Forever.”
“Forever,” Klaus agreed, smiling, content and whole.