Archive of Our Own ^beta

The drell was a stranger to me.

But I didn't get many visitors here in the hospital and I certainly wasn't going to turn away a friendly greeting.

I assumed that to him I was just an injured Alliance officer. But it soon became clear that there was a stronger connection – he mentioned having worked with Commander Shepard on the Normandy. He had nothing but good words about the man who had helped him reunite with his estranged son.

That sounded like something Shepard would do. I didn't tell him I'd served with Shepard myself, but I wondered if he knew somehow, particularly after our first visit. He never said anything about it, but he stopped by frequently and I could sometimes see him unobtrusively keeping an eye on the traffic in and out of my room. Almost protectively, if I had to call it something.

Once I was able to be up and about for an hour or so at a time, he saw me trying to do some stretches in my room. I felt like all my muscles had begun to rebel against the enforced bed rest and sneaking a few stretches felt good.

Thane watched me for a few minutes, and then began to do some simple shadow-sparring moves. It resembled tai chi and I tried to copy his movements, though some of it put a little too much strain on my still-healing shoulder. He offered to show me some modified moves to accommodate the shoulder and we spent a pleasant hour together.

The two of us had just shared another light workout in my hospital room. I knew I'd probably be released one day soon... and was hoping to see Shepard again before then.

"May I ask you something, Thane?"

The drell was leaning heavily against the bed. The shadow sparring seemed to have taken more out of him than it had on previous occasions. He nodded a silent assent.

"I don't want to invade your privacy, but you were on the Normandy. I don't know your reasons, but I wondered... how did you end up there? Were you working for Cerberus?"

Thane hesitated over his answer for a moment, maybe looking for the right words. He'd told me about his total recall of every moment of his life so I'm sure it wasn't that he doesn't remember, only that he was unsure how to say it.

"They offered me a job. I agreed to consider it." He pauses. "That's how it began. I am an assassin. As such, I lack the luxury of being too selective about the morality of my employers. But I needed to meet Shepard first. As you might have guessed, I'm not well and I wanted to know more about what might be my last mission."

We hadn't talked about his health directly, but it was plain that he was fighting for breath upon even light exertion. I waited for him to catch his breath now.

"I will tell you about that meeting."

I waited, not sure what I was expecting... or hoping... for him to say. These large dark eyes seemed to defocus as he began speaking again, his words tumbling out quickly without pause for breath.

"Hazy warm purples... walls of curved glass... sun sinking toward twilight. Target distracted... acrid tang lingering in the air after the kill... praying forgiveness. A human man with seawater colored eyes... calm voice amidst destruction and chaos. Colonists abducted... suicide mission... one last chance for atonement."

The flow of words slowed toward the end and finally stopped as Thane seemed to return to the present.

"So your agreement was with Shepard? To help with his mission?"

He nodded. "It would be my last job. I would make the choice of it. The goal was noble, the man sincere."

"But it was more than just that mission to the Collector ship... you found your son too."

"Yes. I can never repay him for that."

It seemed like his eyes defocused again, but when he spoke it wasn't another moment recalled. Maybe it was too private to share. I don't know.

"Shepard and I had many talks. He told me it seemed I was lonely. I didn't tell him I saw the same in him. But there was a difference. I'm used to being alone... comfortable with it. He was neither."

That touched a still-healing wound. Shepard and I had made our peace about Horizon during his first visit here, and we agreed that what we have between us remains unbroken. But thinking about my contribution to his isolation during those months still hurts, and I haven't forgiven myself for how I handled it. No, I could never work for Cerberus. But Thane didn't... or Tali, or Chakwas... They were there for Shepard. And I wasn't.

He was watching me closely. I didn't know how much, if anything, Shepard ever told him about me, or about Horizon. But there was no condemnation in his eyes. It was more like understanding, maybe compassion.

"Shepard was the first friend I'd made in over ten years. I think he chooses his friends carefully. And never abandons them. He made me determined to make this dark universe a brighter place before I die."

"Sounds like you did, Thane. You helped destroy the Collector base... You found your son."

"Yes. I regret I can't walk the next steps alongside Shepard. He will need friends."

I met his eyes as he began to make his slow way to the door of my room.

"He won't be alone."

The last time I saw him was the day I was discharged from the hospital. He was curled up in a chair in the patient lounge area, and looked to be in pain. I almost didn't want to bother him.

He didn't look well at all. His normal deep olive skin coloring had taken on the verdigris hue of aged bronze and his breathing was shallow.

I crouched down beside him and touched his arm, calling him from wherever his mind had retreated to escape the pain. We didn't talk about his condition. I knew he didn't have too much longer, and I might not be back here.

"Kaidan Alenko, it has been an honor. I will say a prayer for you that your hands will be steady and your decisions sure. Please tell Shepard that he is in my thoughts as well. The two of you seem to share a path and a destination. Guard him well. I hope to see him again before the end."

I didn't ask how he knew if or when I will see Shepard, but I nodded.

"Thank you, Thane Krios, for the knowledge you've shared and for your companionship. And for your prayer. I will relay your message."