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Caduceus and Molly find her a few hours after the battle is over, as the sun is starting to set.
Beau’s gone off with some woman from the Cobalt Soul, reveling in the glory and the honor that none of them are used to receiving. She’s still the same Beau that she’s always been, still flirts with every girl they meet; but there’s something more intentional and heavy about her now. She carries herself with more purpose: the mantle of being one of less than a dozen Expositors to survive the war rests heavy on her shoulders.
Veth—and it is Veth again now, the halfling with the braids restored to her true self—is with her husband and son as they watch over Caleb. She’s not much for magic, but that spell he cast—the spell that saved them all—it seems to have broken him in a way that even their confrontation with Trent hadn’t. (And gods, doesn’t that feel like a lifetime ago, even though it’s only been a few months.) So Veth and Yeza stand over him, apparently unsure he’ll be able to cast magic ever again.
(The two of them had argued about that the week before, when they all knew the battle was coming. When Veth heard Caleb’s new spell, she was adamant in protesting the dangers. But Caleb had just smiled softly and said: “I’ve fixed you, ja? After helping you—after this battle—I have no great deeds left to do. I would be happy to never have to worry about becoming anything like that arschloch.”)
Jester is off talking with the Traveler. It’s different now that she’s found out the truth about her “god,” but they are more like friends now that the veneer of worship is gone. It’s nice for Jester to have a partner in crime again, now that Veth has gone and gotten all responsible and motherly on them. Although leaving Jester alone with a mischievous Archfey sounds likely to cause some problems in the near future. But consequences are problems for another day, one where there isn’t a massive party being held in their honor.
Fjord has found some old sailors he knows and is talking with them. She still worries about him sometimes, worries about how little he cared when the being who gave him his powers tried to destroy the world. But, she thinks she understands being willing to look aside for the god that saved you. They’ve all done made some pretty stupid decisions over their journeys, but the power they wield now makes it a lot more dangerous to make rash decisions. Ultimately though, they’re all good for each other, and she certainly would rather him than Avantika or some other power-hungry asshole.
She’d expected Molly to engage more in the festivities. They’ve always been their happiest and most alive when in the middle of a party. And they had—for a few hours at least. But now they’ve followed her out to the little corner of town she’s found, where the sound of music and dancing is dimmed. They bring Caduceus along. The two of them have had a strange connection ever since Cad raised them from their grave a few months ago, and seem to almost move in sync sometimes.
(The Nein were making their way towards the north of the Empire again, and they had decided to stop at Molly’s grave one last time. Somehow, that fucking coat was still there, and that pulled on something deep within her that she hadn’t been expecting. And then Caduceus had gotten a strange look on his face, kneeling down to lay his hand on the grave itself. “Huh,” he had said in that calm, gravelly voice that always said such strange things, “I guess the mushrooms must have really liked them.” And then he’d dug a little hold into the grave before any of them could ask what he was going on. He just sat like that for an hour, hand down a hole as he absently dug away at the simple grave they had constructed over a year ago. And suddenly there was a gasp, and Molly was alive again.)
Molly drops down next to her on the hill, breaking the reverie she’s fallen into.
“What’s wrong darling? There’s a party specifically for us with enough drinks, food, and people to keep anyone occupied.” They pause for a moment and pats Caduceus on the thigh as he sits cross-legged next to them, “Except our large friend here. He doesn’t particularly enjoy any of those things.”
Caduceus gives a small laugh at that, continuing to sip absently at his tea and staring out into the horizon while playing with something large in the hand not holding his teacup. (Maybe it’s some tea he made from Molly’s mushrooms: those have always had just a little extra bit of ‘relaxation’ on top of his usual teas.)
“But seriously Yasha. What is it?” They think for a moment, and make a horrified expression. “Are you pining over someone? Because I thought we resolved Beauregard’s little crush quite cleanly and if you’ve…”
And then it’s all too much and she’s breaking down as she collapses onto her best friend’s lap with small sobs racking her massive body. Instantly, she feels their nimble hands running through her hair and along her back, grounding her as she continues to break down. When the tears finally begin to dissipate, she can hear their voice—a voice that once killed a disappearing spider in a sewer tunnel so long ago—lightly singing in the language she can never explain why she knows but never fails to make her feel better.
When she finally opens her eyes, she realizes she’s aligned with the massive scars in Molly’s stomach, the one’s she’ll never forgive herself for not being there to defend them from. They’ve never tried to hide them, choosing to only wear shirts that cover the top half of their chest under that obnoxious coat, proud of what they survived. And, as they keep telling her with a wink: “People of all types can appreciate a good scar.”
“I’m sorry angel, I didn’t mean to push you.” They give a deep sigh. “You’re missing her, aren’t you?”
She just nods her head in their lap, not trusting her voice in the moment. She tries to take a deep breathe to calm herself, but it feels ragged and painful in her chest.
“Shhhhh…” Molly comforts her, hand continuing to run through her long hair. “I know doll,” they say sadly. “I’m sorry we never found her grave. I know you wanted to give her the flowers, to have a chance to say goodbye.”
“It’s just,” she feels small in a way she hasn’t since she woke up at the Stormlord’s altar, “I got you back. I can’t possibly ask the gods...the universe...whatever the fuck’s out there, for more than that. I don’t deserve that much.”
“Of course you can my dear. Would you tell Mr. Clay here that he doesn’t deserve to have both our friendship and the health of his forest? Would you tell Jester she can’t have both the Traveler and her Mother?” She’s on the verge of crying again, and they take a breathe to calm their words for a moment before they continue. “What you did when you were angry, mourning, and desperate don’t define who you are. I would say the fact that you kept this group of disasters alive long enough for us to do something worth talking about is some solid points in your favor.”
“But…”
“Oh no, none of that darling. Sure, you killed some people. Who hasn’t? You’re not a murderer. A murderer wouldn’t have kept coming back to us after that god of yours called you away. That’s who you are Yasha: you care so much. It’s okay to show that sometimes. Besides, I led a cult that included a tabaxi who steals people’s blood before my little reset. I think I deserve a share of the self-loathing in this relationship.” She laughs a little at that, despite herself. They pause for a moment before speaking up again, voice quieter and filled with emotion. “Why don’t you tell us a little more about her? Maybe it’ll help.”
“You know,” Caduceus’ voice speaks up as she’s thinking of where to start, “I don’t think I even know her last name. Was Nydoorin her name, or did she take yours?”
She sniffs and pulls herself out of Molly’s lap, looking out to the horizon as she responds. “It was too dangerous to change our names when we wed. We could have slipped up and said the wrong name and then we’d have been fucked.” She takes another deep breathe, finding it a little easier this time. “Yordaan. Her name was Zuala Yordaan.”
“It’s a beautiful name,” Caduceus rumbles, “Zuala Yordaan.”
There’s something about his voice, as he says her name. It seems to echo for a moment, and she can almost feel a wave of something pass over her like a breeze. But when she looks over, he’s still looking serenely out towards the horizon, that small pleased smile still on his face. Maybe a couple of years of hearing Molly mock their enemies to death and listening to thunder for instructions has made her a little crazy about words that sound like magic.
She stands up and looks straight out into the setting sun again, and she can feel a dam breaking now that she’s gotten started. Almost without wanting to, her voice begins talking for her: “You know it was basically love at first sight?”
There’s a small gasp from behind her—probably Molly and their secret romantic side—but she can’t stop the flow of words now. “I was out one day when two wolves attacked me. I didn’t have any weapons on me, so I was just fighting them both off with bare hands. At some point they knocked me down, ready to go for the kill. I was still trying to fight them off when they both suddenly slumped off me.” She shudders at the memory. “It was the most incredible shot I’d ever seen in my life. One arrow, through the crook of my elbow and both of the wolves’ heads from at least fifty feet away. Then I looked up into her eyes as she rushed over to check on me, and I was done for.”
“You never told me that,” a voice says from behind her. And she must be going crazy now, because that sounds like…
She turns to look back, “Molly, what are…” and the words die in her throat. Because Molly and Caduceus are gone and standing in their place is...
“Zu?”
“Yash, w…?”
And then they’re rushing towards each other and crashing together, and she’s real. They fit back together on instinct, years apart disappearing in an instant. She’s kissing her wife again, and nothing else matters. (Not even the dull thought that she’s going to kill Molly for not telling her what Caduceus was doing, that bastard.) After a moment she pulls back, and she’s crying but she has to get this out, has to tell Zuala about the year after she died.
“Zu. After you…” her voice breaks and she can’t say the word aloud, “I was in a bad place. I earned the name ‘Orphan Maker’ so many times. I did things so awful my wings shriveled up and died. I… I don’t deserve you any m…”
Zuala cuts her off with a hard kiss. “You don’t get to decide that you stupid woman. I love you so much. And so do those two who were here earlier. And probably whoever else you’ve been journeying with. You’re a pretty easy person to love. So easy that I took one look at the woman whose life I saved by shooting those wolves and decided that I would protect her and love her as long as I could.”
“Oh gods, Zuala…”
“I’ve missed you my love. And it looks like we’ve got some time to enjoy ourselves based on the size of that party. You’ll have to introduce me to our new family.”
She says it with such an easy smile that it’s easy to just believe her. Believe that they’ll be okay this time.
“Hey Zu?” she says after a moment, reaching for her book,
“I have so many flowers to give you.”