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This wasn’t the first time it had happened. In the midst of battles, the screaming and enemies that never seemed to stop coming, they were bound to get hurt one way or another. When the team but only just began on their journey through the stars, they got hurt so much more. Almost to the point that every week someone was occupying a pod for at least 5 minutes. It did get better, eventually. The pods were only used for emergencies after. They trained together, grew stronger together, grew closer together... or so they thought.
Cause even after all the battles and trainings team Voltron has been put through, countless of bonding and team building exercises. They didn’t know everything about the other. And for one paladin in particular, they couldn’t have known. How would they? He was the happiest, always smiling as wide as before, telling the worst jokes that the team endeared but couldn’t help but roll their eyes at, never failing to lighten the heavy burden on their shoulders.
They saw him as a pillar. Strong enough to hold the rest up. To help Hunk battle his anxiety and help him through panic attacks. To make Pidge turn away from her ever expanding tech to let her sleep and eat. To help Keith focus and take out his anger in a good way. And for Shiro, to have someone to talk to once the stress got to much to bear.
But even the supposed strong need someone to help them.
He saw himself as useless, a waste of recourse, the seventh wheel. He knew he wasn’t, not truly, but nobody had proven him otherwise. For all he knew they thought the same. The disappointed looks he got from Shiro when he did something wrong. Arguing endlessly to no avail with Keith to cope with his seemingly never ending crush. The way Pidge sighs irritated when he tries to talk to her and get her to sleep. And Hunk, he could never say anything bad about him, he couldn’t from anyone. But Lance sometimes saw the tired eyerolls he was given by his friend. They only added to his already long list of insecurities.
But he still cared about them though. He didn’t want to put them through losing a friend, if he could even be considered as one. But maybe it was time he put a stop to it all...
He ended up in a healing pod more often after a fight. The pain he got helped him in a twisted way, making sure he wouldn’t hurt it himself but still letting him feel the things that could have been. They would know if he did.
He has gotten hurt by the enemies hand more than before, making reckless decisions to feel something, anything. But also to keep the rest safe, unharmed and unburdened by the weight another scar of their skin brought. It cleared his mind, but it wasn’t enough. He felt himself spiral downwards, pulling away from everyone and everything. Energy and light gone, replaced with the dark and tired eyes.
He was losing himself.
And they were starting to notice.
But even after months passed, and nothing was done to save him from his own destruction.
He remembered how it happened this time, a Galra snuck up upon him while he was sniping from afar and helping Hunk deal with the enemies surrounding him. Well.. that wasn’t entirely true. It’s what his team thought. He knew there was a galra just mere meters behind him, but he had to make himself useful to the team, to his friends, like he always tried so hard to do, yet never being praised or even thanked when he did. Always feeling like a burden, always being the weakest link. He needed the pain he knew he couldn’t get anymore. He shook the thoughts away.
Lance accepted his fate long before the galra had even stuck his sword through his abdomen. Knowing what was about to happen, what always happened. In the blink of an eye, he wasn’t in his own body anymore, rather standing next to it. Watching as his bayard returned to its original form and fell slack in his hand. He watched as blood seeped out of his back and his eyes glazed over, unfocused, contradicting the calculating look when he was shooting, combined with the silent scream playing on his lips. He didn’t feel any pain, he never did. The galra soldier smirked and pulled his sword out of Lance’s body, watching is fall sideways to the ground with a thud.
He didn’t try to reach out to it like the first time this had happened, afraid he’ll see his flickering see-through hands in his vision. Knowing he couldn’t do anything to stop it, that he’ll only phase through. Only able to watch.
So he watched the galra run as he heard voices, his team, coming to get him. Watched as Keith stormed up the stairs, stopping in his tracks as soon as he saw him. Shock and something he couldn’t really place in his eyes and voice as he screamed Lance’s name and reached out to grab him. As soon as he did, his vision cut out, black for miles and miles on end.
The coldness was the first thing he noticed, a chill in his bones as he opened his eyes. The brightness of the room contradicted the darkness of his mind but it didn’t bother him. He saw himself, trapped behind glass. Eyes closed and looking so peaceful yet restless at the same time. He knew he was alive, he always was like this. He put his hand on the glass, coldness resting at the palm of his hand as looked at it. It was flickering slightly, transparent against the glass but unable to reach his body. He closed his eyes and put his forehead to the glass of the pod.
Soft murmuring was heard behind him but he ignored it. He never wanted this. He just wanted to be home, where his family is. For this all to be a dream. Was that too much to ask..?
The murmuring got louder and louder as each second passed till he couldn’t ignore it anymore. He could hear Pidge and Hunk talking to each other, recognizing their voices. Probably talking about their new tech or how much he had failed. He opened his eyes and turned around, hand kept in place on the pod. He saw the team, standing next to the control desk. A soft smile graced his lips, despite the self-deprecating thoughts swirling in his mind, he did his job well. They were safe.
Till he started to notice that they weren’t, it became clearer. Hunk and Pidge both had tears in their eyes, almost streaming down their cheeks but trying to keep it in as they looked to Shiro. He looked exhausted, heavy bags hung low under his eyes. Eyes that showed sadness and regret in them, but also hope, determination, proudness. Coran stood silently behind the desk, a somber expression as he stared deep in thought as the pod Lance occupied.
“..he can’t keep doing this..” Hunk, his soft giant of a friend quietly whispered. “He has been hurt so much.. why do we keep failing him..” His breathing got heavier and unsteady, tears spilling even faster than before, regret clear as daylight as he tackled Pidge in a hug.
And she hugged back but it only made large boy cry even more. Slowly she rubbed gentle circles on Hunks back as he cried his heart and mind out. She comforted him with soft words, too soft for him to hear.
After a few minutes Shiro spoke up, looking at the pod where Lance stood, if not staring straight through him. “He cares about us.. he is trying to keep us safe the way he believes is right, even if it means he gets hurt be doing so.” He looked back at Hunk. “He kept you safe, Hunk, but as part of the team he needs to learn to trust us.” Shiro looked at the pod again. “He needs to know that we care.”
A harsh bang against the glass shocked him, but he didn’t move, couldn’t move. They.. cared? He heard the was his leader talked, saw it as Hunk and Pidge cried and how Coran looked in concern over the team and stared back at the missing piece stuck in induced rest. The only one missing was..
He turned his head towards the bang as his breath caught in his throat. Keith, tears evident in his eyes and bringing with anger and determination. He looked like a lost kid, not knowing what to do. Lance couldn’t stop the soft smile from on his lips once again as he looked at the man he endeared for so long.
“Then why can’t he see were falling apart without him?! We NEED him to keep us together and we always have! I don’t want him to go.. I need him..” Slowly Keith sank to the floor and sat against the pod with his hands pressed harshly against his eyes, the anger that was there before gone in the blink of an eye and replaced with sadness. Tears spilling heavily down his pink flushed cheeks as he closed his eyes and leaned his head against the pod.
At that moment, Lance saw how much he really meant to everyone, how much he meant to Keith. Without him, quiet roamed the castle, never to leave again. Without him, they couldn’t deal with the ever expanding weight on their shoulders. Without him, they weren’t whole.
The team looked in sympathy to Keith as they slowly moved out of the med bay to give him some silence. Even though they wanted to be there, they knew their hotheaded teammate needed some time with Lance, even if he couldn’t talk back.
As soon as they left Lance moved carefully towards Keith, afraid the boy could hear him if he made only a small sound, and sat down besides the softly crying boy. They sat there in each other’s silence for a long time, even with one boy unknowing of it. Nobody came in the room except for Coran though he left as quickly as he was there. The soft beeping of the pod echoed through the room as Keith shifted. Hands falling slack at his sides and eyes staring unfocused ahead of him.
“You better come back to us Lance.” The voice caught said boy off guard, though he didn’t move. “I’m not myself when you’re not here.. none of us are.” Keith’s voice sounded raw from crying, so full of emotion yet so empty of it all. He heard a soft whine. “Please.. promise me you’ll come back. It’s so quiet without you here..” Lance turned his head to look as the boy he loved so dearly. He wanted to speak, tell Keith what he meant to him, how he’ll never leave him, ever. But he couldn’t. Voice caught in his throat unwilling to budge, so he just stared.
He watched as Keith stood up, one hand touching the pod slightly before he walked to the door. “I promise.” His voice was soft and small as it left his mouth, but Keith heard and turned in shock. Violet eyes staring directly to where Lance was sitting, eyes meeting instead of going through them like all had before. For a split second he thought the boy could see him.
A moment passed and Keith’s eyes unfocused again and shook his head. Slowly he made his way to the exit, though Lance could have sworn a small smile played on the others lips as he left the room. The door shut with a deep hiss as Lance stared at it. A smile mimicking Keith’s graced his lips as he closed his eyes and fell into darkness once more. Knowing even though he’s weak on all fronts, that darkness was still in his mind and soul, he’d still have his team by his side.
And possibly someone that means something more.